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2509922 No. 2509922
Last night I posted this here:


That night was the most terrifying night of my life. Last night I posted here on /arch/ and something beautiful happened. I got help I've been afraid to ask for for neigh on three years.

I want the people who helped me last night to know what steps I've taken today. I called a suicide hotline last night and talked till about 3am. I locked up my gun and mailed the key to my brother. I told him not to ask why in the letter. I looked up a depression support group that meets on Saturdays, which I'll attend as often as my work will allow. I'm also going to bring a copy of every post to share.

I thought all day about what everyone said last night. I've wanted nothing more than to find a way to express my gratitude to you all. Everything I can offer falls short, but I would feel ungrateful to offer nothing at all. This is what I've come up with:

Issac Clarke: Short and sweet. Your words held in them undeniable truth. Thank you.

Lawny: You offered a very bright outlook and reminded me that there are things that I'm not alone in. Thank you.

Anonymous (**I wish I had a name to thank.): You reminded me of loved ones that didn't deserve to be put through such a selfish act. Thank you.

Rivet the Machinist: You offered reassuring words that life will get better. Thank you.

Dazzle: You showed me that I've been fighting for this long and that I owed it to myself to continue that fight. Than you.

Anonymous(**): You reminded me that I'm not alone in loneliness. Thank you.

Anonymous(**): The link you provided was worth the read. Thank you.

Ror: Strong words. They came to me in a time I needed strength. Thank you.

Chocolate-Mint Swirl: The words you offered reinforced very important truths. Thank you.

Anonymous(**): You asked if I would miss all of you. I knew the answer immediately. It's a question I should have asked myself. Thank you.

Fenolio: Your words ensured me that I should not feel bad about asking for help, and that there is a community I can lean on. Thank you.

Starshine: You showed me that people can come out of a bad situation, with work. Thank you.

N: Love. I am loved, and you reminded me. The number you gave me was the one I called. Thank you.

Anonymous(**): You offered words that you didn't feel could help. They did. Your personal experiences helped me because you shared. Thank you.

Nocturnal: You showed me there is a bright side to my degree. Reminded me there were friends a can and should reach out too. Thank you.

MPerce: You offered your love. It means more than I think you know. Thank you

The Soldier: You told me that I control my life, not my surroundings. I can make my life what I want it to be. I want it to be happy. Thank you.

Dragon Named Red: Life can be hard, but it will never be impossible. I knew this once. I know it again now because of you. Thank you.

Ketaset: You cared for me. No need for eloquence. It's beautiful enough to know. Thank you.

Ls777: You offered your time and your ear. Thank you.

Pranky Pie: "No where to go but up". True words. Thank you.

Rainy Days: Strength that was not clear to me was brought to light by you. Thank you.

Sumec: Your words gave me hope. Hope that this pain can lead me to something important. Something good. Thank you.

Starlight Ironhoof: An extended hand of friendship did more for me than you know. Thank you.

Sgt Funshine: The links you provided were greatly appreciated. I'm listening to Beck as I type this. Thank you.

Dr. Doom: A push towards some professional is something that I've been needing. I look forward to my first meeting this Saturday. Thank you.

Amonisis: There is strength in love. You gave me strength... that's something I know I will need in my times ahead. Thank you.

Crimson Risk: Knowing that there are people on the other side of how I feel reassures me there is a way to get there. Your words were powerful. Thank you.

Goddard: Your words were those of power and strength, words I will remember. "Life is the emperor's currency, spend it well." That image was expertly picked. Thank you.

I wish I had the time and skill with words to write a page to each of you. My only hope is that everyone who helped me sees this. You are all beautiful souls.

Know that I love you.

(I've cried throughout the entirety of typing this up so please forgive any typos.)

If I missed anyone, I am deeply sorry. I read every post and each one gave me something I desperately needed to hear that night.

Thank you.

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>> No. 2510625
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Life can be bitter, it can be cruel. It seems like a pleasent thing to just end it and get rid of it all, to take the road of least resistance and to give it all up. You are experiencing great hardship and heartache, and you can't seem to find any point where light shines for you.

But let me ask you, in all the greatest stories in life, where the hero is faced with impending doom and a situation where all hope is lost, what makes them a hero? Stacked with insurmountable odds against them, they push forward, they struggle to break free of that extreme pain and hardship. They find the strength within themselves to fight despite what is happening, they do not roll over and die without giving their antagonist hell to pay. They make their mark and draw the line in the sand, saying to the world that i'm not budging from this spot, that this is my life and i will stand for what i love and what i believe.

The hero, valiantly raises his sword to the proverbial dragon, and with shield in the other hand runs into the lair of the foreboading beast, into the heat of his firery breath, the razor edge of his claws, and the strength and size of the dragon oppressing him. He runs in and fights, knowing full well that it seems hopeless, that he is scared to death. But that is what courage is, it's taking on the darkness, taking on the things that scare us, depress us, and causes many to die before their time, or not to live their life.

Courage to live despite the dark foreboading shadow that hangs over you, for it's only then that you can see the light you seek. But it won't be in the sky, it won't come from the dragon or the darkness, or from the evil that plagues you. It will come from you, from your soul.

That soul, shining like a diamond in the sea of your mind, that diamond will shine light and show you the path that you seek, and you will find light again. Your heart at peace as you live to see your friends, make new ones, find love, and discover who you really are.

you are in the point of your story where all seems lost, but read more of your story and you will find a happy ending, and a promise of new stories in your life. each one as beautiful as the last.

i love you mate, and in being you, the feeling sensitive person you are, you are my hero.
>> No. 2510627
>OH and an ex crush of mine was even standing right next to me, being all cuddly with her new boyfriend.

This is just about the single worst feeling in the entire world. I can't remember just how many times I had to sit through this.

Bro, you aren't alone and we're all here for you. We love you. Things will get better, they will. You just have to fight on.

I'm a mathematician. The odds are pretty much 0% that your life will always be this bad. Things will get better, you just got to weather the storm. Only killing yourself will guarantee that you will die miserable, so don't.

We are here to support you and help you in any way you can.... But you should really call a hotline. Those are professionals who are there to help you feel happy again. They're not going to tie you up and restrain you, they're going to help you be happy again. So make the call, for all of us who love you.
>> No. 2510628
is me, BTW. Re-installed windows and the auto-complete went with everything else.

Here is the number you need to call:

Do it right now. They can help you more than we can.
>> No. 2510637
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I'm sorry I'm so pathetic Wisdom... I'm really proud of you for being able to pull through what you were going through but... I can't... I can't give her up,... Oh pony swag you so enjoyable..

i'm also sorry I'm so phone shy... You can actually blame jenny (the ex crush I mentioned) for that because here was a time I was blocking everypony out (exvept a few people) and Jenny called thehouse phone looking for my mom and she had the nerve to be like
"Hey pony how're you?"
"Awful, why?"
"Oh just wondering, could you tell my mom I called?"
"Yeah sure whatever"

Her just complete and utter not caring about me just... It crossed too many lines, so now I just hate phones... I used to talk with Shana for hours and hours on the phone... She brought that up too actually...


(Because I've allergic to answering phones. You can thank jenny detlor for that)

I'm not sure what that means, care to elaborate?

(I don't answer phone calls. And I'm even less likely to make them. I even hate having to make them at work)

What does jenny have to do with that? And you used to call me?

(Indeed I did. And we started up late into the night talking about nothing and it was wonderful. And Jenny just has a way of making me hate things.)

Well, then mentally tell jenny to go die. And I agree, I loved talking to you, and I quite miss that. You used to be on of the most quirky, bubbly people I knew.

(And now what am I? and I have, many many times)

that was from a text exchange we had like two weeks ago... I can post the rest f it but it really doesn't matter.. But the main point is that.. idk, it's like she doesn't remember that we were dating when all of those 4-5 hour phone calls happened...

It's just so wrong... I could post thousands of things but none of it would matter... I feel like I'm just wasting everyponys time at this point... I seriously feel awful because I just don't get better and no matter how much you ask I just won't call.. You''re number is in my phone btw in case you were wondering..

Have I mentioned Mack yet? He is an ex-friend of mine who raped another ex-friend of mine (different reasons for ex-friending, mack was a bad person (who tried to move in on girls he knew people liked, as if to one up them) and Taylor was the first person to use "get over it" after Shana left.. DESPITE saying how much she loved how happy Shana made me and how happy I made Shana!)


I took it upon myself to write out a note about all of Mack's actions and send it to different people around the school... Idk, looking back on it it wasn't the greatest thing to do, but he sexually assaulted one of my friends, I had to do something!

So I wrote out this huge thing and it eventually got Mack in court, which at this point we (my group of friends and I) were just like it's about time (Mack really wasn't that great of a person). But I sent the message out through a bunch of proxies on a free email service, and I could post that too but I'm guessing ponies don't care about that either... There's actually more irony attached to that note, but I'll save that for another time...

paraspriteestia? Le pink princess?

I don't use Skype... I've been 'hiding' since... February 18th 2010 so I didn't tag along when people transferred over to Skype from other IM's... idk, I'd feel obligated to post it on Facebook, which I can't do...


Well this kind of thing has happened before, where I get broken up with and all hope is lost... But it wasn't the same, I was envisioning getting married to her and growing old and such...
And like the brushes of hope I've had have been like glimmers of light I suppose, but they all vanish the moment I notice them... Like the sun is running from me! Tough I can't say I blame it, It's probably blind it with my paleness lol...

I wish it were as simple as slaying a dragon and getting the princess..

Did you by chance read the rest of the thread? Wisdom and I have been at this awhile, incase you wanted more reading...

An interesting thing I'd like to bring up about "finding who I am", are you familiar with the idea that college is where young adults find out who they are? If so check this out: http://www.adbusters.org/magazine/96/mein-kampus.html

I got it from a friend and I think it speaks very truthfully..

Confound these ellipses, I use too many...

But I really liked what you wrote, if my head would actually allow new ideas into it... who knows... But I can feel the writing... it got through to me in some way, I guess I'll see if anything comes of it...

It wasn't even that bad until I asked my converted brony friend who it was... and it was exactly who I feared... my hair is long enough that I can cover up my entire face with it if need be, my bangs reach about 2 inches past my chin and I had half my face covered so I couldn't make out who was next to me... Which ended up being Jenny, who I have claimed is the bane of my existence on several occasions, because she really is.

I know mah bronies are always here, but when I need somepony it just... I can't snuggle up with a computer and be told things will be okay some day...


And now the one person who would let me snuggle with them basically hates me... She probably blames me for some of the stuff that's been happening to her recently,though I'm too afraid to ask...

I asked the same to the pony above you but have you read the rest of this thread? there's lots to t..

And.... It feels like they would chain me up... I'm not even that dangerous, just really observant... I could probably make anything dangerous...

But it's like they'd tie me up and put me in a cell and come in each day and ask if I'm better and I'd say no, because I don't lie to strangers if I can avoid it,,,

Okay it's way too late for this pony, I gotta get my flank up in five hours so I can enjoy driving alone for an hour to a school that I hate more each and every day....

so... ummm night.. and sorry for any typos I made...
>> No. 2510656
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You're not pathetic. You're hurt. Pain is the bodies way of telling you that there is a problem, and right now I know that you are feeling an unbearable amount of it.
All things that damage us cause us pain. The damage can be physical, but it can also be emotional.

Now pain doesn't always mean that we need to seek aid. You wouldn't go to the ER for a scrapped knee. That pain will go away with time and it wasn't that severe to begin with. Now if you break your arm, that's a whole different story. You have to seek aid. It's not something you can fix yourself and it's not something you want to leave unchecked any longer than you have to.

The same goes with emotional pain. You can work through a sad time, but you have to recognize when you can't do it alone. When you're going through so much pain for so long it becomes clear that something has to be done. There are doctors to help with that pain, and not seeing one is the worst thing you can do right now.

You said you had a bad experience? Get a second opinion! Don't let one shitty doctor stop you from getting the help you desperately need.

You said you were proud of me for finding my way through my sadness. Well, I didn't do it on my own. I did it through the strength of this community and through the aid of trained professionals.

You can't expect to stop bleeding without a doctor and you can't expect to break this depression without a therapist.

I'm glad I finally have something to call you. Fluttershy.
Fluttershy, my friend.
Fluttershy, the person that I love.
>> No. 2510660
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I agree with wisdom a lot. Fluttershy, we care about you.

Please talk to us more! ^^

(now time to respond)

Your not wasting our time posting! we want to help..
>I don't use Skype
If your hiding can you make a new account ^^ and we can talk. If you wanna email me at [email protected] I'd defiantly reply, just say your Fluttershy from ponychan and stuff ^^

>I can't snuggle up with a computer and be told things will be okay some day...

This may be true as we cant physically hug you, but words can do ALOT. Being a part of this community has helped me out IMMENSELY! ^-^

I'm here for you! email or keep posting here please ^^ i'm here!
>> No. 2510674
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Fluttershy, I was thinking earlier today.
I have you to thank for something that only just occurred to me. Recently my posting activity has revolved around the love and advice thread in /chat/. I love helping others and showing them that I care. I like to think that I make some difference in the lives of the people that I try to help.

I don't know if I would have found that passion if not for our conversations that we've had. I have you to thank for something that has brought me great joy. I like to think that you, by inspiring me, have helped those people right by my side.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Maybe it's just my need to ramble, but the point I want to make is that you have been a very positive influence in my life.
Thank you.

I love you Fluttershy.
Stay strong friend.
>> No. 2510677
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This man is Soren Kierkegaard. He is one of the main reasons I have not become an unbearably cynical plothole. He has kept me from becoming depressed and I hope he can help out anypony in a dark place. He is a religious philosopher and his popular books are "The Sickness unto Death" and "Fear and Trembling"
>> No. 2510702
You're welcome

Oh and you'll notice I lost my trip code. Why you may ask?

Cause I was in a fucking car crash yesterday on my way to school and it butchered my laptop. So now I may have lost all of my fucking data for not only my internet stuff but all of my school work too.

Oh and then I get on facebook tonight because I'm a complete masochist and guess what I stumbled across? Shana kissing her boyfriend.

Great fucking night.

Imma go harm myself for a bit now


I don't mean to be rude but you kind of made it sound like you were calling my a self centered blackhole of self pity.

To each their own.


As I mentioned above I lost my laptop in a crash so yeah, I'm not gonna be able to talk as much until I get another one, which as it stands right now, won't be for awhile.

Just my fucking luck
>> No. 2510703
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I'm so sorry to hear that. Aside from the property lose are you okay?

Friend I don't think it's wise for you to visit her Facebook. I don't think that any good can come from it. It seems like the only purpose it has is to torment you. You don't deserve that.

Did you read my post?>>2510656
I hope that you will give what I said serious consideration.
>Imma go harm myself for a bit now.
Please don't do this. I kills me to think that your doing anything like that. Please there are better ways do deal with these emotions. Please consider calling me. I think that it could do a great deal of good.

I hate to see that you hurt so much.
Know that I love you friend. Know that you are very important to me.
Stay strong for me. I need you to do that for me.
I love you friend. I wish I had time to compose a better message for you.
Know that I love you.
>> No. 2510704
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i am so glad i started lurking /arch/ right about meow. im so used to the other communities/groups im in only giving half a shit about the depressed/emo people. this was absolutely awe inspiring.

seeing as i have hit the point where i do things i mentioned in an earlier post, i was scared and delaying with ponychan. then i saw this.

and i just broke down. (doesn't help that i have PinkiePieSwear's "Flutterwonder" and rainy mood on)

i just sat here knife by my side, and i just stared at my screen. its been so long since i last saw compassion like this, it was refreshing.

now i lay in mah bed bawling my eyes out because for the first time in months im not going to endure a painful ritual that i never ever want to do.

thank you ponychan for making this the happiest night i have had for years. i am forever in debt.
>> No. 2510705
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I love you friend.
Thank you for your kind words.
I'm glad that my story has offered you something.
I take it you cut at times? If you would ever like to talk about it you're more than welcome to post here or send me an email. It's in my name.
This has me in tears right now by the way. I hope that your happiness stays with you for the rest of your days.

Stay strong and above all love yourself. You are beautiful.
>> No. 2510706
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>broken laptop
I am sorry to here that....I am glad you are okay!

>Imma go harm myself for a bit now
Please don't.... I know it can be addictive, I had this one friend in High school; She would cut.... she did stop some but eventually went back because its addictive... But it doesn't solve anything...please turn to friends and not harming yourself....

that brony i think had a good idea....maybe you could try reading one of those? ^^
When people write a book like that its usually full of all sorts of good knowledge; and not just that. Also a lot of experience! There is a reason they wrote too...they felt what the wanted to write was important and could possible help others ^^

Please keep posting... we all care about you and want to help you friend! =)
>> No. 2510707
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>i take it you cut sometimes
yeah, i hate it and im not sure why i do. but hey, if i can learn from my experiences, all i ever need is just one experience that is opposite for something positive to happen. so heres to the best!

and same goes to you! email me any time you ever need anything! whether that be a random randomness or advice.

i mainly posted just so that you could know that you helped another pony out and that your an inspiration to me.

i dunno. when i hear stories about ponies helping ponies, it just makes me feel fuzzy and warm.

one last thing, -INTERNET HUGZ!!!!!!!!!!!-
>> No. 2510708
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>> No. 2510733
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Congrats on cleaning your self up OP. I hope everything turns for the best.
>> No. 2510740
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Thank you friend. I'm a much happier person since that night.
I owe a great deal of it to the people of ponychan.
This is a truly wonderful place.
>> No. 2510810
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Finally got my new laptop

Sager NP8150
i7-2670QM 2.2 GHz
8GB 1866MHz RAM
15.6" screen 95% color spectrum coverage
etc etc

dropped a total of 2-some grand on it...

So now I have almost no money in the bank..

And despite knowing full well that facebook is the third circle of internet hell I still go back there every day... Not sure if I'm hoping to see good news (of a break up perhaps) or if I'm just a glutton for punishment.. Actually it's probably the later because I texted Beca once a night four nights last week after she would have gotten off of work (so as not to incur scathing replies) and she didn't reply a single time... I'm addicted to her company but that's a different story entirely.. Not a very nice one either...

So I spent most of my weekend transferring over all my files from my old hard drive to my new laptop and it is very very slow going.. My old laptop had two partitions on it so over the last 3 years I've gotten used to keep files and stuff on the second partition to stay organized but now I only have one partition so I have to create a new way of keeping stuff organized...

So last night I had a breakdown realization that Shana was like my key to happiness.. She says I'm not the quirky bubbly person she used to know but that's just because she took him with her when she left... which I'm not sure If I talked about yet but her breaking up with me is kind of... it's odd

Basically her parents didn't want her dating me
Her best friend at the time wanted her to date somepony else
and somepony else claims that she simply didn't want to date me anymore..

The first one is possible but they never even took a chance to get to know me... apparently they though I was stuck up the first time we met, when I was really just trying to be friendly..
The second one Pisses me off beyond all reason, because Chazzlyn said that I was good for Shana, and that we were really nice together..
And the third one... I don't even want to think of that as a possibility..

So I sent this to Angie the other night:
"nothin quite like realizing the one thing that can ever make you truly happy slipped right through your fingers to make sleeping difficult..
And the tears.. They just keep coming *sob* And you and casey are the only people who even care enough to check on me.. It's not fair to you..
And I'm not fair to Beca. She has her own life and I'm not part of it. Even more so than I'm not part of Shana's life..
I wonder if my pillow gets tired of getting called Shana..
Okay I'll leave you phone alone.. See you when I see you..."

I'm not really sure why I wrote that out... Maybe part of me felt like it needed to get posted..

So yeah... I kinda feel like Twilight in yesterday's new episode... In that I feel completely crazy... But she has a lot more energy than I do.. And did you notice that fluttershy's yellow seemed a bit washed out?I compared it to the episodes from season 1 and it seemed different.. And The new theme song doesn't seem to be quite as musical as the first one, but I'm guessing it'll grow on me...

Ugh.. So yeah, I'm finding the I'm able to suppress my anti depressants fairly effectively in that days I cheek them don't seem any different than days I take them... Even when I cheek them multiple days in a row to get the drugs out of my system those days don't seem to be any different..

It seems that every plan I've been making the last month is falling through...
Going pony shopping? car crash
Hang out with Beca? No reply
Hang out with Angie? She can't for reasons beyond her control
Migrate over files to new laptop? Don't seem to care...

Oh do you listen to Dream Theater? you should check out Octavarium: www.equestriadaily.com/2011/10/pmv-ponyvarium-super-pony-time-2-luna.html

It's good stuff... Also Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence is a good album that you should check out too if you have some time...

I think more people need to read the suicide prevention help guides, not like you but tons of people I know... I read it awhile bak and I recall how many of the items listed people have done the opposite of, like it's a phase and shit like that..

I played some Left 4 Dead 2 the other day, and I don't think I'd make it in a zombie apocalypse.. I really lack the will to live.. Or an apparent one, I'm guessing if a situation came up where life was threatened primal instinct would kick in and blah blah blah..

It's very addictive, but I haven't really done it since... February I think. I miss the taste of blood, it's such a strange taste.. I really haven't done it because of a promise to my friend Allie who lives like 6 states away.. I told her that I wouldn't cut myself as long as I still didn't give up on Shana... or something like that.. Basically if I cut myself it would mean that I would give up/ stop loving Shana.. Apparently Shana thinks I hate her (heard it though the grape vine) and she hasn't tried talking to me in over two weeks.. *sigh*

okay I'm done rambling..
>> No. 2510811
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just remember, we all love you here!!
>> No. 2510829
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well please don't ever hurt yourself on purpose!! We care about you!

>So last night I had a breakdown realization that Shana was like my key to happiness
Sometimes things seem like their the only thing...but i know, i just know theres got to be many other things that can make you happy!! ^3^

I know it can be hard, i can be very hard... have you expressed to her that you really care about her? ^^

And even if things don't work out just know that not everypony is meant for everypony. Thats why when you find the one that is right for you its AMAZING! =)

Whatever happens just remember, life gets better!!!

I and many other Bronies are on skype. I would love to speak with you on there! Or we can just keep it on here. Whatever suits you! =)
>> No. 2510830
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Curse my typoes!!! There fixed...

I know it can be hard, it can be very hard... have you expressed to her that you really care about her? ^^

And even if things don't work out just know that not everypony is meant for everypony. Thats why when you find the one that is right for you its AMAZING! =)

Whatever happens just remember, life gets better!!!

I and many other Bronies are on skype. I would love to speak with you on there! Or we can just keep it on here. Whatever suits you! =)
>> No. 2510834
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Fluttershy my friend.
It's so good to hear from you again. I'm sorry to hear that things are still going so poorly.

Fluttershy you have to stop torturing yourself with this. Going on Facebook to look up this girl is never going to bring you good news. You know that. The love you have for somepony is a precious thing. It's not something you should throw away on somepony who refuses to return it.

There is no such thing as "One chance at happiness." That's not how the world works. It's not how yours should work. Everyday is a new chance at happiness. There are so many people in this world so many possibilities. You do yourself a disservice every day that you don't seek those opportunities.

I love you so very much. You are my friend and it hurts to see you feel this way. You are a strong person. You are a good person. I wouldn't still be around if I didn't think that to be true.
You have all of my love.

By the way, you have a wonderful friend in Angie. Keep her as close as you can. I know that she cares about you so very much. You are so very lucky to have her by your side. I hope that you realize that.

Don't let the people of the past control your future. Take it in your hands. Make it the future that you want it to be. Make it as happy as I know that you want to be. You deserve that, and so much more.

Stay strong my friend. Know that I love you.
Always remember that you have my ear when you need it.
>> No. 2510851
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We all love you, My Little Brony. To be honest we all have moments when the darkness seems to never end and clouds our hearts. We all know how it feels and that's why we can truly love each other. It's what links every brony. It's what fuels our love and toleration. I wish I could've helped last night. I hate seeing my friends in trouble. No matter what anypony says or how things may seem. No matter if 50,000 people give you a mean look, know that we love you. I love you. We will always be here for you. We are your friends and family. Stay strong my little brony. Our love will warm you when its cold. Our friendship will brace your knees when they begin to buckle. Our hearts will always be with you when you feel alone. We love you.
>> No. 2510871
File 131920719790.png - (104.00KB , 1032x774 , pinkamena_smile_by_vexorb-d49kk2g.png )
Thank you. It means a lot to me.

Thank you.
>> No. 2510889
File 131932963275.jpg - (309.94KB , 800x800 , luna_haz_a_sad____by_sunegem-d4biswc.jpg )
Such a long week... Sorry for the delay..

She hasn't tried talking to me in like a month... I'd tell her if she'd text me... I'm actually planning on texting her on what should have been our two year anniversary on the 6th... ugh... I really have too much to deal with right now.. I just wanna curl up and die..

But torturing myself is what I do best! Like Pinky with the parties! I went to Paranormal Activity 3 with Angie the other night, I had the Jumbo Plush Pinkie Pie and she had the twilight; serious lack of comments from people twas lame.... Though during the last part of the movie the 'demon' or what hve you snapped a guys back and I clapped, not sure why... Maybe I'm just really fucked up or something... And another thing, there was a preview on for some other possession movie and the lady in it had tons of cuts on her arm and ponies got all disgusted... Nothing to make you feel like a freak like being in a theater full of ponies who'd be disgusted with you...

I've been feeling incredibly numb lately.. For lots of reasons I suppose.. Beca's pretty much completely ignoring me, Angie got a boyfriend so I feel the need to give her time with him.. Yeah idk... I just feel hollow and empty...And like the other day I was thinking about what I'm doing with my life... and I can't think of a single thing... I'm just wasting resources... *sigh*

Yeah I don't feel great so Imma cut this short..
>> No. 2510890
File 131933183799.png - (113.45KB , 945x846 , sad_pinkie_pie_by_kooner01-d41qnt2.png )
I'm always glad to hear from you friend. I am very sorry to hear that you're still feeling down. I wish that I could find a way to make you happy. I know that's out of my hands though. I wish I could convince you to seek professional aid, but that is also outside of my control.

Fluttershy you have a wonderful friend in Angie. I try the very best I can to help you. It's clear that it's not enough. If you don't seek some kind of professional help you will never get better. It's a very dangerous thing to try to continue with these feelings unchecked. Please seek aid.

I can and will give you all of my love, but when it comes down to it... it's not helping. It may never help you. I will always do my best to help you, but I can only do so much. It's becoming more and more clear to me that I can't off the help that you need.

Please get help.

You have all of my love friend. I worry for you so much.
Please. You know what you need to do to fix this.
You just have to take the first step.
All of my love.
>> No. 2511014
File 131934999734.jpg - (50.84KB , 600x337 , WeCanHaveNiceThings.jpg )
This thread is wonderful.
>> No. 2511577
File 132063616005.jpg - (238.71KB , 667x800 , 1317000100419.jpg )
Huzza it's our two year anniversary in an hour.

what joys and wonders.
>> No. 2511578
Yay two years....
>> No. 2511592
File 132070042456.png - (72.52KB , 475x479 , 131060329627.png )
Hello friend. I was starting to worry about you. I'm glad to see you again. I guess you're talking about your ex?

She doesn't deserve the time that you give her. There are people far more deserving than her. People that will truly appreciate it.

You have all of my love, friend.
It's good to see you once again.
>> No. 2511626
I can't tell you how incredible it is that the Brony community has helped you in such a way. It is truly mind-blowing. I will never know your pain my friend, but your strength is overwhelming. The Brony community truly does live up to its creed, "Love and Tolerance". I will tell you only what you already know ;): Whenever you need anything, any type of support, friendship, somepony to talk to, there is this community.
My personal e-mail is: [email protected]
Please, e-mail me. I would love to talk to you. Have an incredible day friend :)
>> No. 2511627
File 132098367319.gif - (66.08KB , 360x360 , 129985624785.gif )
I'm glad you're ok, well.. im 17 and i'm virgin too and i don't care. I know there's somepony waiting for your love.
I understand how you feel, i had a lazy eye when i was more young and all my life; years, days, months i heared the most horrible insults that a human being /bronie can hear. I cried but my uncle and aunt helped me to get the money for my surgery.
The point is, i was alone, i had one of the worst childhoods ever and i wanted to suicide because i couldn't find love, comprension.
Since my surgery i'm happy, i talk and meet a lot of people, but no luck with the girls.
Anyways i know i'll find one.
I was very pesimistic, but when i saw Mlp Fim i have another perspective of the life, i'm happy because i know how i am, i know that "I have to love&tolerate the shit out of people"

Well... keep doing your good work, i hope you never-ever think in kill yourself again.

-Hugs you very hard-
>> No. 2511696
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Well I guess it's somepony's definition of talking...


I'm really sorry I don't talk more Wisdom... I feel like I've run out of things to say... Actually looking back at the pictures of my cutting and beatings... I really miss it... idk why.. maybe I felt like it was something I finally have control over...

Not sure if you were talking to me or Wisdom... But I'm gonna assume wisdom...

People need to be more likes ponies. At least ponies shit on the floor instead of each other.

I get the feeling that I should kinda... stop posting.. I'm becoming to concerned about myself, getting attention though this board and what not knowing full well that I'm just stuck in my addictions and habits...
>> No. 2511698
File 132151608597.jpg - (9.62KB , 224x225 , bighugforyou.jpg )

Don't stop posting. I'm a brony, but for some reason or other I never got around to visiting ponychan until... yesterday? wow. And I am AMAZED at how much love there is in this board. Heck, in this thread alone.

Fluttershy, we're all here for you, posting out of genuine concern for your wellbeing. You're not demanding attention from anypony. And what you're getting is friends who genuinely care about you.

When I broke up with my boyfriend, I hid his profile from my FB newsfeed. I couldn't look at any of his pictures or even his name because it gave me a severe headache. I kept him off my newsfeed for... at least six months, I can't remember exactly. My advice to you would be to do the same. Actually defriend her if you can't stop going to her profile. It'll hurt, but maybe the painful memories will stop if you're not reminded of her. And at least you won't have to see any of her new pictures. No one deserves that.

Older post, but I notice your story about your teacher didn't get many comments... if I were in your position, I'd agree with you wholeheartedly :/ I did orchestra in high school and I personally think the music and the music program is far more important than anything else in it. Played viola for all 4 years when most of the students only take one year for credit, and enjoyed every single day. Crappy popular music like HSM would have ruined it for me. Don't feel bad for disliking the teacher, you're not alone.

Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling now and step aside for the more talented speakers. Just remember that you're not alone, Fluttershy? Please? We love you, we care about you, we want to make you happy like you deserve to be. Please don't stop posting.
>> No. 2511708
File 132159045880.png - (82.15KB , 280x280 , smiling_twilight_display.png )
I'm glad your doing okay! I wish I could have contributed though.
>> No. 2511748
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I actually haven't gone to her profile in over a year and a half.. idk. And from what I can tell you seem to plenty talented when it comes to speaking.. Just thought I'd mention it.
>> No. 2511984
hi, i discover mlp just a month ago, and i love it, i've just finished S1, i never tought i'd become a brony of any kind, i'm just not an interwebz entusiast, actually this is the first time i visit a ponyboard. Anyway i read the entire thread i wish i had discover it sooner, flutterzhy except for the cutting part, we're exactly the same [btw i'm a virgin too:'( ] i was responding to everypost in my mind because i know exactly how you feel.
it's kinda tardee now, but i just want to say that if you feel like hurting other people you rly seek help not just for you but for the people who aren't guilty, you're not a bad pony. i hope we could keep talking i'm looking for friends too
cheers to everypony
>> No. 2511998
File 132339501324.png - (350.50KB , 650x1006 , role_change_by_blackm3sh-d4cgrk3.png )
I was wondering when somepony would come back..

Wisdom has been MIA for a little bit, kinda worried about what happened to him...

And the only people I really feel like hurting are those who hurt my friends, which has actually gotten a a handful of people to hate me in the past (ex: Mack, I think I mentioned him above..)

Really it's all about hurting myself, because I'm the one who is at fault, and not able to make things work... Not able to accommodate myself into situations in a way that makes me happy...
>> No. 2512019
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hi there, glad to hear from you how you're doin? i saw wisdom in 'love & advice' he seems to be having a bad day, but i hope he'll be alright.
you shouldn't be hurting yourself, i mean there is no purpose, not your fault, it's not necessary to always fit in, i don't. i know it'd nice, but its better to be ok with yourself first. and don't worry there will always be somepony for you
>> No. 2512037
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Really? :/

That's unfortunate... And I know fitting in is overrated, but for her... I just want to...


Curse these finals, they drive me to madness...

Once finals are over I'll write up some big self-righteous essay about my life, love, and everything, but right now I have too much to deal with to think straight.. I hardly have enough free time to type this up..
>> No. 2512269
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hi, i'm sorry i can't drop by more often.
i'd also like to fit for her, but pitying myself won't get me closer, so we better keep ourselves occupied.
hope your finals turn out well, let me know how you're going.
i'll pass before xmas. good luck
>> No. 2512274
Does this guy still come around here? I really hope he's okay. I have no idea who he is, but after reading his reflection, I'd be devastated if he killed himself. I hope life's turning around for you, Wisdom!
>> No. 2512325
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Wisdom that post was... Very thoughtful of you. Thank you.
>> No. 2516329
what have you learned to day
>> No. 2516331
File 133665330219.jpg - (59.03KB , 500x662 , my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-for-my-special-somepony.jpg )
Well I've learned a lot...
I got myself a new girlfriend and everything is just better...

Sometimes it's very hard to see what's right in front of you

But I guess you could say our love is in bloom
>> No. 2516559
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Oh Wisdom,
Why can't I stop reading this thread? I'm sad that I will never speak to you again. But maybe it is for the best.
Glad to hear you are better.
And... Thank you. You helped me mature in a nature that made me realize that I was indeed a fool. I want to thank you for that. I needed a smack to the face to finally wake up and face the facts.
Maybe we will speak to each other again someday.
Goodbye, Wisdom
-Tristen Wright
>> No. 2516562
File 133829411722.gif - (29.03KB , 360x360 , Good Job.gif )
good Job :P
>> No. 2516566
Why won't you ever speak to him again? D:
>> No. 2516567
Wonderful to hear you're doing better!!! See, we weren't blowing smoke up your plot
>> No. 2516581
File 133887284893.png - (66.77KB , 331x320 , 131073165107.png )
This isn't the thread to answer that.
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