>>131366
>I thought it would be too obvious.
I was very low on sleep while chugging along this review, so that could have exacerbated my normal dimwittedness.

Anyway, happy I could help.

Last edited at Thu, Dec 25th, 2014 11:48

>>131323
And my one week goal has officially passed. I was afraid this would happen. I'm gonna promise to get to this when my life slows down, but until then it's open for a claim. Sorry, FMP.

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I used to read a lot more than I do now, and I think the reasons are roughly similar. I've got too much going on in the real world to feel comfortable dropping it all to spend my time reading. There's a fic I'm editing that I absolutely love. I think it's really well written, the story has me engaged, it has some great moments, and yet I can only just barely force myself to read a chapter over the course of several days. There was a time when I'd go through entire books in less time than that, barely able to pull myself from its pages. These days I have so many other things vying for my attention, things that I'm invested in and care about, that reading has fallen a bit behind on my priority list.

I'm writing a fic for my own amusement that features a lot of crossover and time travel stuff. Ditzy 'Derpy' Doo is in it and I thought it would be fun for the Doctor to show up at some point, but I don't have any idea how he's charactereized due to having never read any of the fics.

So I came here to ask about Doctor fics, specifically those featuring Derpy as a companion. Which are the better ones and/or those most entrenched in the fandom's collective conscious?

I've already found what I understand to be the 'original' Derpy companion fic, My Little Time Lord:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700975/

>>121554
This one is also a Doctor fic, linked twice on this page at that, so I'll check it out too.

Any others?

Last edited at Sat, Nov 22nd, 2014 13:51

I think heard about a headcannon once about Rainbow Dash leaving school or running away or something like that when she was younger. Any suggestions?

>>131329
Involve Gilda.

Without having read the story in this question:

>>131267
> What benefit does it serve to describe picking apart a rock pile.
Because it gives every action some importance to the situation. Plus it sounds like there's some serious telling going on, and not a lot of showing.

> If the only relevant bit is the fact that he did it, then that's all you need to say.
The difference between reading a story, and watching a TV show, is that information is conveyed differently in both mediums.

In this case, the reader can learn about a character in the way they interact with the world. In a visual medium we have cues you can send to show how a character does any action. In prose you pretty much place importance only on things you focus on. If you don't focus on anything, it's just floating heads talking at each other until it's over.

> If we just wanted cute little cartoon horses without any curiosity towards other possibilities, we would just watch the damn show. …

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After having read it:

>>131257
In a prologue of some 'thing', two floating heads converse, one of whom is recognizable as an important back story character until magic happens.
The second one, 'Lynn' makes me wonder if you know how pony names work.

This is a prologue. It has the basic problem a number of prologues have in assuming that as a reader I'll care because I'm already reading.
It starts well, but then nothing of any importance happens, and a thing flashes, and it ends.

Am I being unfair? Fuck yeah, you wasted my time reading a thing that has no signs of pay off, about two characters I couldn't rub enough damns together to even start to connect with.

It's Starswirl:Origins, and it starts off in a fashion that I have difficulty connecting to my own interpretations of Starswirl, as well as making him a selfish, self centered character fixated on his future importance. …

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>>131267
I often refer to myself as a mirror around here, because that's basically what I do: I show you what you can't see yourself based on the fact that you are you. If you don't like what you see in the mirror, don't blame the mirror. Just put some damn makeup on.

>If the only relevant bit is the fact that he did it, then that's all you need to say.
If you think that "a pony moved a rockpile" is all that's relevant then you've got a lot to learn about compelling characters. Minty's hit it on the head. You can learn a lot about a character by how they interact with the world around them. In fact, that's pretty much how you learn about anyone, short of being told. And as we all know, telling in writing is bad.

Say you walked into a room and saw a desk covered in stuff.
What do you know about the owner of the desk? Well, obviously they use it, so... they do a lot of work? might be a workaholic? No, we can't conclude that. Maybe it's stuff that's sat there forever and never been touched, or maybe it's just temporarily there as they clean it out. We don't know. We haven't been told. We know almost nothing about this character.

What if we were told the desk had crumpled papers lying in a horseshoe around a legal pad filled with words across the front page, and a pen placed at an angle next to it.
What can you tell me about the owner of the desk now? Your imagination fills in the implications based on the knowledge it's given.
…

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>>131273
Hell yeah you should.

>>131271
Is that where that joke came from?
>>103290
>Any fics involving Snails, a rock, and a hill, need not apply.
I think I'd like to see the original post.

>>131277
If I remember it was a chatroom thing in origin.

It all exploded over in this thread though.
>>69377
You've got Snailsyphus, Destiny, and Snails & The Rock in their prototypical forms, with reviews.

>>131254
It would help you understand the premise of the story, I set up my villains the same way and I forgot to mention that I put a lot of digimon names and attacks with out explaining them so you'd have to look them up on this site
http://digimon.wikia.com/wiki/Digimon_Wiki

This is odd. I think I'm one of four people in position to actually give feedback on this story. You have a very small target audience that could actually understand this story, and there will will most likely be one that just wants you to continue blindly until you burn yourself out.
That group being readers that like the CMC, and Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon, and have an in depth knowledge of Digimon that they don't have to google search every paragraph to know what's going on.

So I can say that I'm pretty sure there's a core idea at work here. If that idea is not just Digimon Adventure with names replaced with ponies, I'll be overjoyed.

But I have problems with things here.

Right now, you're just doing Digimon Adventure plot wise. And you're doing it badly.
You have nine title characters (two more than DA at the same point), plus digimon which pushes right to eighteen main characters, plus villains which puts the number around twenty five, which is way more than even an experienced writer can handle.
In the style which you've decided to do the prose, none of the characters are allowed to have character. They might as well just be name shifted blank slates.
Even Adventure (which I have to compare it to) used it's first episode to establish the world. By first episode, I mean the first movie, which is both In Media Res, and establishes the rules without having the characters stop and explain them to the viewer.
The first tv episode stops to review the characters, giving the reader an idea of who each character is without stopping to explain the engine to the reader.…

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>>131255
sounds like a story issue. The best crossovers have references that can be recognized and laughed at by fans of the crossed over material, but present them in a way that they can be understood by readers not previously familiar with them. You'll need to work on that.

There. Feedback. Combine that with just about everything Minty said, and you might be in business.

Here's a quick thought - what if the changelings were actually allied to greater threat? Like how the dwarves accidently unearth the Balrog of Morgoth. What if the Earth Ponies accidently awakened a creature and the changelings allied with it?

I picture this evil dragon like beast, twisting and coiling in the dark recesses of the Deep Veins.

I picture this being the model for the ancient city of Aphal-Khôr: http://www.cinemablend.com/images/gallery/s19079/dragon_age__origins_12495754306171.jpg

Could this be an alternate version of Canterlot?
http://features.cgsociety.org/newgallerycrits/g66/566/566_1174967532_large.jpg

the spiderses

It made me laugh pretty hard, especially when the author randomly slipped into GOOD grammar.

It had a quality of writing. By the rules of this thread, I can say no more about it.

Recommended for a laugh.

Last edited at Sun, Nov 16th, 2014 02:11

The Conversion Bureau: First Contact

Conversion Bureau stories involve the world of Equestria coming into contact with the real world. This story explored what the event of their coming into contact might be like.

Like most (or all) TCB stories, this one takes place somewhere in the near future, after mankind has ravaged Earth. It casts mankind in a very negative light. That's not a comment on the quality of the story, just a description of its contents.

The story only touches on the Conversion Bureau concept towards the end. Most of the story concerns the titular first contact scenario, which I enjoyed reading about. Celestia is depicted here as a savvy statesman, and it's fun to watch.

Quality of writing is pretty decent.

I can only recommend this if human stories are your thing, or if you have a penchant for first contact scenarios, like I do.

My Little Dashie

I just read this one today. It's a sad story, but it's the kind of sad that makes you feel better about life - and yes, that's a thing, it's why tearjerker movies are such big business. Watching sad movies or reading sad books can make you feel less depressed.

It's also crass, self-indulgent wish fulfillment, but note that I don't consider that a bad thing.

I've seen some people say the environment in which the protagonist lives is contrived, but I was definitely thinking of Detroit while reading it. Detroit is seriously a lot like that, you guys. And living alone and in misery is not even remotely unrealistic; I honestly think that has something to do with the brony phenomenon in general.

So, a lot of people are going to sympathize with the protagonist, a younger adult who lives alone working a dead-end job.

This is a very short fic. I do consider that a positive here.
…

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It sounds like a concept with no attached story.

>>131179
It is!

ounds like an excellent concept. But ideas are cheap. I say write it.

And the stuff I'm still tirelessly working on, hoping to someday post for everypony to enjoy.

A Really Bad Story [www.fimfiction.net]
What started as a joke, combined with frustration and discouragement, actually turned into something, and I do intend to finish it eventually. I’m sure Shoeblock—assuming he’s still around—will remember when a disgruntled anon dropped this little ditty off in the Training Grounds back in January 2013. Appearing to be a deliberate troll fic, or an elaborate test for reviewers, this story took every mistake listed in Ezn’s story guide, and abused them with vengeance. It was meant to be silly, but actually became something.

A plot unfolded before my eyes, and I saw that perhaps it could be an attempt by Scootaloo to discover her writing talent. The second chapter was born, and I had a real story on my hands, as Scootaloo ran first to Rainbow Dash, then to Twilight for writing advice, and the story began to run away with me.

It was halted when too many ideas popped into my head, and I wanted to work on bigger stories, but I do plan to bring this out of hiatus perhaps before 2015.

Grace in Equestria [www.fimfiction.net]
I’m really, really, really sorry to everyone who saw this when it first showed up in TTG, and Fimfiction. I had a whole plot written for this, and have been retconning in all the new changes with the comic and with the show, but I’ve just been far too distracted to continue this, and it’s just been sitting on the backburner.
…

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A few of the ideas in my head haven’t even made it to rough draft yet, because I wasn’t able to work out the kinks in the plotline enough to find them suitable. The faults in here are pretty obvious, but who knows, maybe some discussion will reveal a few of them worth making.

Flying Blind
This one turned up in a thread on Tumblr, where someone had whited out Sweetie Belle’s eyes. Sweetie Belle has started reading magic books from Twilight’s library, and decides to try some spellcrafting of her own. Attempting a “see in the dark” spell, she accidentally turns her entire world dark, permanently, and must now rely on her magic to “see”. (She can’t physically see anything, but she can sense where things are.)

Sweetie Belle has been boasting her magical talents, and Scootaloo becomes jealous. She heads off into the everfree, looking for a decent cliff to jump from, in the hopes that her wings will catch some wind. Rainbow Dash hears about Scootaloo’s disappearance and heads off to search for her, and eventually finds her trapped in a dark cavern—too dark to see anything. Sweetie Belle has to guide Rainbow Dash through the cavern to rescue Scootaloo.

This never took off because the plot is too loosely arranged, and seems to pull Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash out of left field. On top of that, I never figured out how to end it.

Who
This draws its inspiration from the season two episode “Owl’s well that ends well”. A year behind Twilight at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, an aspiring young stallion not only idolizes our favorite lavender unicorn, but has a huge crush on her. When Twilight graduates and moves away, he’s devastated, but doesn’t really know where she’s gone. After doing some research, he discovers she’s in Ponyville, and decides to go after her. Buuuuuut, he’s gotten himself suspended, and grounded, for sneaking into the royal library.
…

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Change [www.fimfiction.net]

I guess this one has been a long time coming, but once I sat down to write it, it didn't take very long. In this story, Twilight serves as the vessel for the emotions a lot of us sometimes feel when the things we love change drastically, or simply die out. Yes, this story is written about /fic/, but it is also written about a few other things in my life. Old /fic/sters may recognize a few parallels I made, and if you must ask, I'm not sure if I'm represented by Applejack or Pinkie. Either way, the poem mentioned is one I wrote a long time ago, but I guess it just took Ponies for me to finally give it enough life for its message to reach me.

So you're just looking for an editor. Well, I can't promise to be super reliable, but if I'm bored enough I won't mind looking at stuff. go ahead and write me down.

"Please, listen to my story, my symphony, for it is me."

The story is hard to believe. Nonetheless, it has, like always, been a slow day at the library. Twilight figures there's no harm in humouring the filly.

"Just give me a moment to digest this."

Lyra blinks.

"Before I entertain this idea at all, I need to be convinced you're not just crazy. You look harmless enough, so I'll let you come inside. Just, uh, don't touch anything."

"Nothing I do leaves behind a trace." Her ears droop. "There's no way for me to convince you I'm telling the truth. You just have to believe me."
…

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>>131152
Thanks so much for answering!

I'm starting to figure out how to navigate the world of MLP fanfics, but it's not exactly easy.

As for First Contact, it was actually finished, but there seems to be a missing chapter in the MIDDLE of the story.

I'll probably try to ask the author, as the possibility is going to bug me forever if I don't.

Thanks again!

>>87821
>bullets? From a slingshot?

That's actually a word for "the missile from a slingshot."

>>131348

Apologies if I'm making a newbie mistake for a second time or simply forgot image.

(And also apologies for semi-necroing something I didn't realize was dormant this long. Partly was looking for an excuse to test ponychanX and my trip/etc).

Last edited at Mon, Dec 22nd, 2014 16:03

I'll refrain from plugging my own, but here are two that I enjoyed muchly. I don't care if it's not a word.

Forever Faithful [www.fimfiction.net] by Konseiga
Slender Mane [www.equestriadaily.com] by Chicken Vortex

Last edited at Tue, Oct 14th, 2014 23:01

>>131094
That Slender Mane link leads to an expired file. I tracked down a copy and made a new Gdoc
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PbGE71KZQCeGVLgKQRI141qi653yOOrsMEWMTtPxWY4/edit#

Last edited at Tue, Oct 21st, 2014 01:08