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Mar 31With the Merger coming up soon, we have created an official steam group for the combined sites. It can be found at http://steamcommunity.com/groups/PonychanSteam

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111063 No. 111063 [View] [Last 50 posts]
It has come to our attention recently that rumors have been spreading regarding the deletion of /fic/ and the staff's distaste for it. That could not be further from the truth!
Despite whatever you may have been told, /fic/ is definitely, definitely not going anyplace, not getting deleted and, in fact, is a very well loved part of our community. A very, very well loved part of the community ^^.

If you have any questions about /fic/'s future, i can answer them simply by saying that things will continue as they happily are and that we'll work on some minor improvements here and there.

Oh, and a potential collaboration project!
67 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 111378
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That's what I've been getting after reading the whole thing.
>> No. 111381
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>> No. 111383
A misunderstanding is a failure to understand correctly, either in meaning or intent.

Miscommunication is a lack of clear or adequate form of giving information.

In short, Miscommunication can be seen as a failure on the sender's part, while a Misunderstanding is a failure on the receiver's part.

Just so you know. Although they can go hand in hand (and often do), they mean different things.

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110861 No. 110861 [View]
So, /fic/? What do you think? Should chapters have individual names, or are they best left as numbers?

Personally, I think simple numbers look more professional, and blend into the background of the story more, thus allowing a reader to read without interruption. They also avoid the risk of chapter titles spoiling plot developments from the table of contents, although that can be worked around with some clever titling.
13 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 111247
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I frequently mess with readers through chapter names- one of my favorite things is to imply the chapter name means a certain thing, and then throw a dramatic reveal where there's another interpretation of what the chapter title 'meant'.

Gosh, now that I've admitted that everypony will expect it...
>> No. 111280
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I like to pick out a special name for each chapter, one that describes the general theme and overall feel of the chapter, without giving away too much.
>> No. 111320
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References. I love references to anything outside FiM, whether it be books, music, movies, or something else. I like the feeling I get when an author makes a reference I get, and it makes it more likely for me to read their stuff. So I plan to do the same with my chapter titles.

I also messed around with one on Fimfiction because of the way it is displayed with the story open. It shows the chapter name then the fic name in the upper left. I made it so, when put together like that, they read like a complete sentence.

I fancy myself a clever man.

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60784 No. 60784 [View] [Last 50 posts]
Let there be music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_XjL3_uOEU&feature=related

That's right! I'm on my own for my first review thread!

To begin with, an introduction. I don't want to be an unapproachable figure. Feel free to discuss with me when you feel I'm wrong. I'm pretty nice and soft as reviewers come, and I love nothing more than to help you improve. Don't expect much from me grammar wise. I know some, not as much as the others, but enough to know when something is broken. Unfinished work is welcome, and so is long work, although those take me a longer time and I don't do as good a job.

Now, let's have some rules:
1: Thou shall read the sticky
2: Only the reviewer may use the traditional royal voice, and the royal we is banished from this thread forever.
3: Thou shall receive your review when it's done and no sooner.
4: The number of rules shall not be more than five, and neither will your requests unless you write additional chapters or re-present a re-worked piece.
5: Thou shall not submit to me any clop fics for they are not welcome in this abode.
334 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 95457
Hello there Isophone, it's me, again.

I haven't really updated this in a while, but I wanted to know what you thought about the third chapter for my Dr Whooves fic.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/121jpYH4bG5J4cRCZy0sCZBAEuLxNLndm7Gp3kCCeGqs/edit

That's about it, Goodbye!

>> No. 110982
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Chapter nine, to my dismay, would appear to be missing from that document with all the links. Part of me is glad to be done. The other half wished he had more of this to read. As you may have gathered, I'm hooked, and I notice, much like the original Fallout: Equestria, I have stayed hooked. Good flow, pacing, characters, and an abundance of colorfull settings are all reasons that I enjoyed reading this fic. Infact, I believe we're about to meet my raider friends soon, but I can't be sure.

The world is well crafted, and the setting in general is original. Infact, you've been very original. Raiders, as charismatic and fun as they are, might be overused. It's easy to blame them for everything, because there are a lot of them, they are all sorts of messed up, and you don't have to explain what they do because everything they do is for shits and giggles. Slavers have a common goal, a master of sorts, and similar habits to our raider friends. Still, they do things for reasons, just really bad reasons. Mercinaries will do whatever they need to do for the right price, and that's only a few steps ahead of slavers. Then we have the Remanent and Seperatists, who seem to be a step above Mercinaries, only because they're fighting for a cause, not a cap. Every wastland has an interesting steplader of evil that nopony can really reach the top of, and that's just how I like it.

I am sorry for the delay. This is the last review I will post in this thread. I am leaving Ponychan for a while, but I'll be back again one day. Probably slinking into the training grounds. Anyways, sorry to everyone. Good luck, goodbye, and keep writing!

I still don't know if I did it all for, or in spite of Snarkle. I blame him for everything. I regret nothing.
>> No. 111050
Best necropost. See ya around, phone.

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109698 No. 109698 Locked [View]
I've done one or two reviews on here under different aliases, but I mostly privately reviewed things upon request. I don't usually tear down writers, but if it's clear to me that what you wrote you wrote purely for the reason of screwing with your reader, I may not remain sympathetic. The reader is god in this world. What I know is drama, dialogue, and how to make your story appealing. What I know with style is word choice, syntax, and how to effectively manage your words so you don't find yourself writing long-winded explanations of something simple.

You can find me on fimfiction here: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/soundslikeponies

If your writing style is below a certain threshold, or I find your story particularly unengaging, I will give a concise review in the thread why, otherwise I will comment your gdocs, or at least comment them up until they become disengaging. Also, I don't take meta, I don't take trollfics, and I'm probably not going to like your human fics.

You may not have seen me around a ton, but I do some private reviewing in the IRC chat. I also read many reviews here on Ponychan, and I like to think I know a good amount about writing. I have been writing fics for three months, and I have three stories up on Equestria Daily. I tend to be a more professional reviewer, but I like to have fun from time to time, especially if something makes me facepalm. I don't want you to feel like you are being attacked if I am reviewing your work critically. I will tell you what is wrong without pulling any punches, and how I think you can fix it, but I'll try not to post anything that makes the author feel personally attacked since I know how fragile a writer's ego can be. I have a keen eye for word choice and relevance. In writing, every word, every sentence, every scene must serve a purpose. If it is difficult for me to determine the purpose of a word/
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>> No. 110981
Woops! sorry bout that. I just found where that was. I'm not used to google docs. It should be fixed and ready to be torn asunder. :D
>> No. 111018
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Alright, I'm going to go over things with fancy underlined titles preceding them, to keep sections organized in this wall of text.

It's filled with cliches. Too filled.They will be pointed out in green text.
>In the deep of night
>Little do they know
>an even that will shake their world to its core
>Our hero
>ends with a rhetorical question (which ends in an exclamation mark)

Your synopsis is currently gigantic and hammy. I'd recommend rewriting it.
>> No. 111019
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and with that, I'm requesting a thread lock.

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106665 No. 106665 Autosaged [View] [Last 50 posts]
Previous thread >>101097

Hello again, fillies and gentlecolts, and welcome to the eleventh installment of the “Ask An Equestria Daily Pre-Reader Anything Thread”! Feel free to ask us anything* and we’ll do our best to answer.

*Disclaimer: Our knowledge of quantum physics is limited, so please try to keep questions on that subject to a minimum.

I’d also like to include a brief FAQ in this initial post, since we seem to hear a lot of the same questions:

Q: How long does the pre-reading process take?
A: Depends entirely on how many pre-readers have free time and how interesting the story looks. Could be an hour, could be a week.

Q: Am I allowed to respond to pre-reader feedback?
413 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 110019

Alright, so I'll be doing this review chapter by chapter on account of the ridiculously high word count. I think this will help highlight the specific issues in each chapter as well.

If this question hasn't already been answered: no, pre-readers do not read story updates.
>> No. 110423
The main fic I am working on and thinking about submitting to EQD depicts Celestia in the aftermath of Luna's rebellion. It is not alternate universe since I've twisted the canon only a bit to suit the story. I know I have to make sure Celestia is portrayed correctly, but I want to expand Celestia's personality after that time. Would making Celestia less motherly, more authoritative, frustrated (well she did just lose Luna), and less willing to take a back seat be making Celestia OOC or would that just be fanfiction liberty given this aspect of Celestia's personality at this particular time in Equestria's history has not been touched upon?
>> No. 110531
Please see >>109879 for a link to the new thread. This thread is on autosage and thus is likely to not get any more replies.

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110145 No. 110145 [View]
#Discussion #whiningOrComplaining
Folks, I'm in the process of packing up my emotial baggage and moving on to the next thing in my life. This "writing thing" as I'm approaching it here simply is not working for me.

Now, what follows is my opinion only. There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying, "Oh, Wings is just burnt out; that's his problem," and doing whatever you want. I'm just writing this in the hopes that others might find my experience illuminating.

So we understand each other, these are not reasons for leaving, they are justifications for doing so. I personally hail from the "decide by gut first, rationalize later" area of the personality spectrum. Of course, I'm being irrational and selfish.

The Power of Failure

When I graduated high school, I decided I wasn't going to stop learning. I also believed, with ideological fervor, that smart people shouldn't be stuck in one language, and as a smart person it was my moral duty to stop being a pathetic monoglot.

This lead to a series of false starts with several languages before finally stumbling across an internet subculture with an extremely unorthodox take on language acqisition: it's all tricks and mind hacks and a twisted definition of dedication.
27 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 110486
>The best reviewers are also the best writers, but you become a better writer by writing and critically revisiting your own writing.

I want to disagree on this point quite strongly. One does not need to be a good writer to be a good, yes even one of thebest reviewers. They are different skill sets that, while related, are not necessarily derived from the same actions. I fully believe that my work editing and reviewing here has improved my own work, not in ponyfics, because I have yet to write one that I am actually satisfied with—I fully admit that one time thing for a write-off was terrible. Reviewing—or more realistically editing—is something that you can improve at merely by doing it.

>Reviewing is neither writing practice nor reviewing practice.
If—as you explain in your post—you truly put yourself in a position of "superiority" to do your reviews, I suppose I can see how you reach the conclusion, but just because you find yourself unable to critically evaluate your own reviews—as you say a writer must do with their own work in order to improve—you feel the claim you make is justified. I didn't spend much time in TTG, mostly because I felt that the effort of a review there was—far too frequently—wasted. That said, I don't remember crossing posts with you much or at all.

I wish you luck in your future pursuits and I agree that reviewing isn't practice for writing, but it can be practice for other reviews and/or edits if you critically evaluate your own work. Cheers.
>> No. 110487

I am inclined to agree with this guy. :D
>> No. 110491
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... okay, in the interest of not utterly killing this discussion, I'm going to have to ask everyone involved to behave. Take a step back, stand up, and go for a walk if you think things aren't going well. You're all adults here and being able to have a discussion like this and be reasonable about it is one of the things expected of you.

Will be watching this thread from now on. If things get heated again I'm going to need to come down harder on it than I really want to.

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96323 No. 96323 [View] [Last 50 posts]
Grammar is about communication. It's about saying what you mean. While good grammar will not make a bad story great, bad grammar will make a great story awful. With strong technique you can focus on what you're writing, and not how you should be writing it.

Hello, and welcome to the /fic/ Grammar General. If you have any questions related to the technical aspect of writing, here's the place to ask them.

Be sure to check the publication below to see if your question has already been answered. Think of it as the Grammar General's FAQ.

Typing Your Fan-fiction

Working Document | Changelog | First Edition – Doesn't exist as of 5 May, 2012


>The goal of [Typing Your Fan-fiction] is to be a succinct, well-organised, and updated collection of information without redundancy on the topic of writing mechanics with specific regard to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan-fiction. It will cover everything from efficient ways to type and submit your works to correct usage of English terms and syntax. It pertains mostly to technical information—it is not a guide on how to make a good story; it is a guide on how to write that good story.

By using Typing Your Fan-fiction in conjunction with the General, writers and reviewers can get their technical questions answered as quickly and efficiently as possible.

What you can do to help

As of posting, the document is a huge work in progress. Entire sections are absent (as indicated by the blank sections), and many sections are very incomplete. If you think something should be added, tell me—or even better, write the section yourself. There's no need for this to be a one-man show, and even if it must be, I'm stil
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>> No. 110355
There are currently five widely known ones. Which one do you use? Why? What is a style manual and why is it different from a grammar rule book? How does a style book answer the question about artifacts and the sort?
>> No. 110362

Which one sounds familiar I.e. which one did an english teacher make you buy back in the day? That one.

As for breaking rules and such, I use sentence fragments and such even though any style manual in the world will tell you that that's wrong. If anything, this guide should help people with things like horse puns, LUS, and crossovers.
>> No. 110369
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Those things are already mostly covered in Ezn's Guide.

And, mentioning that, now might be the time to make public that I'm discontinuing this to instead help him in writing that. The community really need not have two separate guides, rather one that is as complete as necessary.

To address Google Docs' cumbersome load times (among other things), the thing is also probably going to move to this page: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/68611394/EznGuide/index.html

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110270 No. 110270 [View]
#Single fic #Normal
Sweetcream Scoops has an ice cream cone cutie mark, works in her family's ice cream shop, and her special talent is...singing.
This has caused some friction with her folks, and having to come back home from Canterlot after failed tryouts for the Trans Equestrian Orchestra didn't help matters. Now the mild-mannered Ice Cream Mare has to face the music when ponies close to her vanish without a trace, and she suspects her childhood hiding place and some quasi-mythical monster may be involved. She'd really prefer it if the mane six dealt with this...

Chapter Links:
1: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RBZNNsDYAtjJuL4VWyOWzU9029VivtkEm7-7lOzx7_8/edit
2: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1g5MT5caQC5znqNh2oHfBAhEFfgdpRsdquIkqZ9qs_DI/edit
3: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MFz_PQ2jHBFA0TmOKoO2XblWcRc4lJPwRNAwqnCrB-o/edit
4: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JAnacSbXQlIAfI1b8fneHr-A5ReOYZCs-OJvIp4qDDA/edit
5: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ukuLanPAaoE07GxYoia5vXG4mbCmgayUGru_cwahAPI/edit
6: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gisqwRqyLybdIuX89XrDbvgTIwAFHb3DVkRHOqulhV8/edit
1 post omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 110324
I think this is just a showcase. I don't see anywhere where it asks for feedback.
>> No. 110343
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Derp. 8F See, I saw some mention of that, but then I saw that we have a "single fic" tag, and I remember the last time I posted a single fic it got feedback in it's own thread. I'll head over to one of the crit threads now.
>> No. 110557
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I know, I'm just trying to be helpful. No pressure.


Well, there's nothing against it, but if you are looking for criticism, then that is definitely the way to go. Have fun!

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96770 No. 96770 [View] [Last 50 posts]
Hey, everyone.

I've decided to do my own review thread, but a little differently.

You see, mine will not be a one-shot review. This is for UNFINISHED works. If you only have one chapter of many, and you'd like them all reviewed (as you write them), then this is your thread.

Now, since this can be a long project, not to mention the fact that I have exams coming up, I'm only going to take 2-3. This summer I'll try for more, but I don't know how much of a workload this will be, so I'm sort of testing the waters.

I'm going to pick the fics I think I can help the most, not the first posted, so don't worry what number you are.

I prefer a google doc, with commenting enabled, plus an email (comments so I can point out awkward wording, bad grammar, whatever, and email so I can give you an overall review(s) for plot and character development).
141 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 109797
is the last story I'll be reviewing for a while. I'll just make a new thread when I have free time since it won't be for a while. I actually really enjoy doing this, but my schedule was unexpectedly clogged and school begins in a month, and I'll be taking five APs, plus a job.

I am so, so sorry. I honestly thought I could do this. I'll pump these reviews out as fast as I can. I have what I originally wanted from this board- two or three stories to see through and edit until their end.

If you think your story fits that guideline, I would love for you to email me at [email protected] It's much easier for me, plus, one of the series is about to end and I can fill that slot with another. I have every right to reject your story, but honestly, if I tell you that I'll help you with it until it's done, I will. I check my email every day.

>>99923 Since you were the next story and have been waiting so long, I'll help you throughout. Email me.

Once again, I apologize, but I hope I helped some.
>> No. 109854

Updated Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/13vJGrepExNrlEqFFhE5lZlEM1C_IQjaTAQXNHsMSp7A/edit

I'm not sure if I am in the stories that you are finishing up with or not, but just in case.
>> No. 110222
I seriously don't think I should be moved to the end of the queue just because I had to provide a google docs link...

No. 47049 [View]
Mr. Horse's pet courier has been murdered and his property stolen. And while the price on the killers' heads is good enough to get any bounty hunter's attention, it's the bonus for returning a silly little poker chip that draws Dead-Shot in.

A pony could retire on that kind of jackpot...


Planned for weekly updates, aimed at a roughly 50-chapter New Vegas arc, including DLCs.
6 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 77935
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I've reorganized all the existing chapters into larger, more properly-segregated blocks (you know, what chapters SHOULD be), plus added another chapter and spruced up the previous content a bit.

Which brings us up to...er...five chapters. Total wordage at this point: about 41k. Still happily accepting reviews!

>> No. 80168
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"Why Don't You Do Right?"
In which ponies gamble and get plastered.

>> No. 110213
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Wow. I have REALLY neglected to update this thread in an age and a half... but yes. New Pegas has been ongoing for all this time, albeit slowly, and is now just shy of the 100k-word mark.

Drop in to see what happened to Rainbow Dash!

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110071 No. 110071 [View]
By: Timid Wolf

Synopsis: For years, Cash Money and his sire Old Money have owned and operated the Silver Saddle Pawn Shop, the only pawn and loan store in Ponyville. Together with Cash's colt Big Hoss and new hire Derpy Hooves, they buy and sell things of every variety from all over Equestria as well as issue pawn loans to ponies in need. As Cash says before every show, you never know what is going to walk through that door...


Hey guys, I haven't been around in awhile but I wanted to share this series I started writing a few months back. As you could gather from the title, it's a mashup of MLP:FiM and the popular History Channel TV show. I'm a big fan of both, and this whole thing basically got started from me thinking one day, "Suppose there's a pawn shop hidden in Ponyville somewhere. What kind of business goes on there?" I've received many positive reviews on this, and I'm looking for some additional support as I tweak it up for submitting to EQD. Check it out and feel free to leave any comments, questions, critiques or anything else. I got my strike one email a couple days back so I'm devoting my writing time to fixing what the pre-reader NW said I had to change before I write any new episodes. Thanks!
>> No. 110073
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Solid OP. Still, it sounds like you want a review, in which case you'll want to delete this thread and post in a review one. If you haven't read it already, the sticky will explain the reasons for that.
>> No. 110077
This sort of thread is to be locked right?

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109308 No. 109308 [View]
I was reading through the write-off thread and came across something that I found very interesting. Chocolate Milk posted a short review of 'Never', and had some very valid criticisms. What really got me though, were the points he criticized.

I view writing as a very anomalous, dynamic, impossible-to-define beast of translation. Effectively, I think writing is a means to get ideas or emotions into words that allow those who read the words to receive the desired ideas or emotions in turn. I don't call it a story-telling medium, as I feel that is merely a means to an end. Story-telling is almost always what writing turns into, but not all it can be.

When I read CM's review, though, I got the impression he had a completely different view of writing. I'd like to point out, I'm not being critical of him at all; he had very valid points. I just want to highlight the differences in our views. Anyways, one of the things he mentioned was the word count being too high. An understandable criticism of shor—I mean, the anon who wrote 'Never'—in this case. My thought on that point, however, was "If I enjoyed the extra wordiness, why would you need to remove it?" CM also mentioned that Luna was in a funky zone, stuck between a plot device and a real character. My thought was "If it fits in the story, does that matter?".

I'm sorry to be picking on you like this, Chocolate; I'm not really trying to put down your review and I'd love to hear you thoughts on this. I just chose you because we seem to have fairly different views on the subject at hand.

One more thing I feel I should mention: I don't have a grasp on the finer points of English and I have no desire to learn them. I generally know how to use semi-colons and colons. I know what a comma splice is. However, I feel if I did go out and research all of the details on how to construct a proper sentence or story, writing would become boring and I'd have no desire to continue. What I love most is that I know (to some small extent) how to wield the 'thing' that is wri
12 posts omitted. (Expand)
>> No. 109447
I'd like to think I look for all of those things, but I can and have soldiered through lacking fics on the strength of a few elements.

Writing style and grammar makes immersion. I can't get immersed in something if I'm tripping over awkward wording and borked dialogue attribution. That, and there's something about a good writing style that makes me hungry to read more of it.

In my experience, good tends to go with good and bad with bad. If the writing's good, the story's likely to be good, because someone who's gone to the trouble of learning how to write generally has a worthwhile story to tell. Bad writing often comes with inexperience, and inexperience with writing often comes with inexperience with story-craft.

The exceptions are painful. When a good story shines through the cracks of bad writing, it's frustrating. When a decent writing style is marred by weird, annoying quirks like Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, it's also frustrating.

I can't choose any of those categories. A good writing style makes something readable, readability is a key part of immersion, and a worthwhile immersive experience is memorable. My favourite stories are the ones I remember, but I wouldn't remember them if not for their quality. A good idea and an interesting story is a necessary starting point, but without good presentation, I'll never really appreciate it to the fullest extent.

>> No. 109478
i mean no disreaspect.

What i'm trying to say is if a reviewer doesn't like the style that you've chosen to present the fic in, is the advice give going to be helpful to you. this is why i would get multiple reviews and only really change my style if both are saying that it was becoming detrimental to the fic.

Yes, I tend to leave out said if i can.

As far as the situation i presented, well i use it sparingly.

If I had a bunch of ponies there, I would refer to names, but in that situation, it was only three. Given the context, it's very easy to figure out who Pinkie was talking to.
>> No. 110010
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I was unable to reply to this post with my own text wall last week. Let's try this again...

Executive Summary:

- Good writing allows the reader to immerse themselves in the mental state of the author
- Bad writing disrupts the immersive experience
- Grammar and syntax rules are there to pull a story to an acceptable level of quality.
- Great writing will break these rules, but not in the way that bad writing does.
- Syntax and Story are somewhat independent of one another

The whole reason we choose to write is to tell stories. The former implies the latter, but the latter does not necessitate the former. We can always draw, make music, dance, perform a play, paint, &c. We choose to use words as our medium. Upon making this choice, we are subjecting our artistic efforts to be judged based on the merits of how we handle the rigors of the medium.

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96269 No. 96269 Locked [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer #Proofreading
Greetings, my little ponies! (Re-done to correct for newpony mistakes)

This thread exists for one purpose, and one purpose alone: proofreading. I will read through your fics and note spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, clumsy sentence structures and the like. This shouldn't be thought of as a typical review thread, in that there will be no editorializing, no criticizing your concept, and no name-calling. If I really like your story, I will say so. I will, however, "review" your grammar, giving you areas to work on and pay special attention to when writing.

Now then, brass tacks:
Submission posts: include the name of your story, tags, word count and a link or links.
Google Docs: the nature of the service I'm offering makes stories submitted as Google Docs with comments turned on by far the easiest for me to work with. If you really can't find it in your heart to copy and paste your FiMFiction story into a Google Doc, there is a good chance I will skip it or proofread other stories first.
No excessive gore, and no clop of any kind: I've got a decently high threshold for this requirement, but if I'm grossed/freaked out by what I'm reading I will simply stop.
American or British English: Consistency is key. Australians and Canadians: pick a side, dammit!
Multi-parts: If you're submitting a multi-part story, I will most likely proofread your first chapter or prologue and ask you to re-edit and resubmit the next chapter, keeping in mind my suggestions. Lather, rinse, repeat. If your story is significantly more than 10,000 words, I will probably treat it like a multi-part.

Some things to keep in mind:
132 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 109408
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Genre: Romance, Sad, Tragedy

Word Count: 3150

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hWXnCBb1JDuNP2DoAy8xETU9GYNbdHqqqD9L32zKRJ8/edit

>> No. 109760
To Chapters 1 and 2. They should be the least ugly when you read them.

I'm working on Chapter 3 in a separate file and will make the change to the master when it's done, or you get to it, whichever comes first.
>> No. 112170
locking thread by OPs request

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109716 No. 109716 [View]
#Single fic #Normal
The ponies in the back of the classroom scoffed. The green speckled egg had barely moved, and the blue filly in the front of the room looked down in shame. As quickly as it began, Trixie's audition had ended as quickly as it began, and the Lulamoons had left the classroom with their heads hung in embarrassment. Trixie forced back tears as she followed her parents through the crowded Canterlot market. Her parents yelled for her to keep up, so she started to trot. In that instant, an incredible explosion shook Canterlot, and an enormous green and purple dragon broke through the roof of the building she was just in. Trixie looked back for her parents, but they were gone, two cacti resting where they had once been. Desperate to save them, she galloped back towards the magic school.
Trixie ran through the hallways, turning corner after corner, and ended up smashing into a long, white, leg. “Be careful my little pony, we don’t want anyone to get hurt.” Trixie looked up at the alicorn, and her jaw dropped. Princess Celestia was standing before her. Trixie bowed and explained her parental situation to the Princess. The Princess beckoned for her to follow, and Trixie happily complied. Princess Celestia strode through the hallways with elegance only royalty could have, and paused when they reached the classroom. “Stay here, I will investigate what has happened. Fear not my little pony.” Celestia disappeared into the room.
The alicorn re-appeared after several minutes accompanied by a lilac-colored filly blushing like crazy. Celestia looked down at Trixie and told her everything should return to normal. Trixie nodded her thanks and as she was trotting away, she heard the Princess say, “So Miss Sparkle, I think you will fit in quite nicely as my personal student….” Trixie reached the Canterlot market and began searching for her parents. She found the spot where she had seen her parents turn into cacti, and the cacti were gone. She breathed a sigh of relief and trotted onward. Looking through the stalls, Trixie wandered onward through the market. One of the last booths made her hea
>> No. 109718
This is a cute idea, but if I had a red pen this thing would bleed with all the places where I want you to show-don't-tell. Your language, dialogue, descriptions are, shall I say, inelegant.

Still, there isn't a lack of things to like here.

Next time read the sticky.
>> No. 109719
well it was a first attempt at anything haha. but thanks you

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108239 No. 108239 Locked [View] [Last 50 posts]
#Reviewer #OC
Welcome to yet another attempt at an OC critique-and-improvement thread!

Our goal here isn't to tell you your OC sucks. It's not to tear you a new one for having an Alicorn, or tell you to GTFO over a Mary Sue. We're here to help you make your OC better, because you obviously want your OC to be the best he or she can be. Why else would you be here?

Basically, think of this like the OC equivalent of a story review thread. You present us (that is to say, me, Circuit Board, and anyone else who wants to and can prove themselves objective enough) with your OC, and we run it through the gauntlet of tests.

Now, you may be wondering how we rate an OC here. The answer is simple: we divide the rating into several categories:

Appearance - How your character looks. Color scheme, coordination, clothing, all that good stuff. +/- 30 points

Background - What your character has done in their past, as well as what's happened to them. +/- 50 points
104 posts omitted. (View thread)
>> No. 109584
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I'd like to start with an apology here, but real world stuff's coming up, and I'm really not able to keep up with this. Not that I could really give an unbiased review at this point. Haven't been feeling my best for... well weeks.

Just as some parting words, I'm just gonna go through some points at a glance for each of the remaining queue'd characters. Again, I'm sorry these couldn't be longer or more thorough, but I'm just not in the proper mindset to be doing this kind of thing anymore.

Number one thing here: Would you be offended if I said this character was bad and unlikable?

That's an exaggeration, of course. He's alright, he's got detail to his personality and all that. But he just screams of self insert. He's got:
1. Random eccentricity
2. Mixed with modesty and "I hate myself"
3. Mixed with unparalleled talent*
>> No. 109701
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Aww, I never got to finish that fic I'm writing so I could have you review the OCs in it. Oh well, I totally understand where you're coming from. Good luck pony.
>> No. 109703
locked by request

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