Hello! I have a fic for you to review!

Title: The Herald of Fire
Author: InsertCleverNameHere
Tags: [Grimdark] [Adventure]
Synopsis: Four heralds, each more grisly than the last, ride across Equestria searching for the one pony that could stop them. But one of them has doubts. Is what they're fighting for worth it? Is it worth the lives lost? Is it worth all the senseless mayhem? A trip to a familiar small town will test everything she believes in. The following adventure will be one that no one will ever forget.
Links: Prologue:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AlggpvZ4qu03DzR1NWMzgMCZxnwP55BuQSuk_L9FcJs/edit
Part1:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lOY_lShLUVpekqHwVLOU-N6wIHNsV8HBEqkQM-g8uR8/edit

I'd like you to know that I am also waiting on a review from a different thread. Also, related pic is the design for the 4 heralds in the story, cortosie of the Apocalypse Ponies FaceBook page. Thanks for taking the time to review it.

I recently sent this first chapter of my story to ED for approval, and got rejected as expected.

Title: Equestrian Century Alicorn Gundam
Genre: Crossover, Sci-fi, Dark, Human
Characters: OC, Shining Armor, Rainbow Dash, Trixie, Gilda
Word count: 9680
Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1D0AjNMtgM1qQoHXUUyk5In9qhMLYIgcaDu-K5hKJRK0/edit
Summary: Equestria used to be a very different place...
While gathering plants with Zecora, Twilight Sparkle stumbles on the ruins of an ancient civilization and the last survivor of said civilization, a human. The human's appearance brings with it many questions about Equestria's ancient history but also danger.

The evil that destroyed human civilization has re-awakened and the only thing that can save Equestria is a mysterious weapon known as Gundam.
…

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This thread has been locked due to inactivity on behalf of the reviewer running it.

Science Brony, if you would like to have your thread unlocked, please report this post or send me (or another moderator) an email. I can be reached at [email protected] if you need to.

"Arm(s)" is actually correct for use with ponies.
From dictionary.com:
>the forelimb of any vertebrate.
And I believe there's already a thread for this, just with an expanded scope.

No I wouldn't because they never have to in the show. There's a million and two variations of exclamation phrases that you have at your disposal, you don't need to use the ones that're most popular for humans.

(sage because this is a silly thread)

>Would you use "Oh my god" or "Oh Celestia/ Oh Luna" in your fic?

I would definitely not use the former; the latter I personally would avoid, but it doesn't bother me as a reader when a fanfic uses the royal pony sisters as deific stand-ins (at least, for exclamations).

>would you use buck or fuck?

Neither. There are cleverer and frankly, better exclamations to give your characters than "buck," including a number from the show itself: horseapples, ponyfeathers, etc. The latter is right out in any story which proports to share its setting with the show.

>arms or forelegs?

Forelegs would be my preference, but seeing an author use arms doesn't bother me--I admit that forelegs is kind of clunky (hands, however, is right out)
…

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Synopsis: In a farm town by the name of Marizona, Carrot Top is called to action from an old friend to be a miracle worker when the crops suddenly stop growing. The prejudiced and close-minded townsponies have grown hostile towards strangers -- and even towards themselves -- as a result from months dealing with a food shortage and the financial collapse of their town that is now looming over their heads. Will the orange mare find a solution to save the town? When worse comes to worst, will the friendship with her old friend hold, or will it perhaps grow into something more? Learn about the tale of Carrot Top and how she was able to live beyond her tomb.

Link: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/21943/Beyond-Her-Tomb

Requests: Can I get some help for this story? I sent it to EqD and the pre-reader stated:

-Comma splice
He wasn’t physically tired, it isn’t difficult to move clouds around and stomp on them every once in a while to keep the rain flowing.

-Extraneous words
Tired of all the ponies below insisting the Pegasi to make it rain every single day
…

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Title: Through Friendship and Chaos
Name: goldar
Email: [email protected]
Tags: [shipping][dark][adventure]

Synopsis: "It feels like an eternity now, since I began to write this.
I remember to have a peaceful and happy - although weird - life.
I'm not sure if it is gone now. I just, don't believe we will make it through.
Now, we are finally reaching the end of our journey, the end of all, and I will make them pay for what they have done.
I don’t care who they think they are, I don’t care what kind of power they hold.
I don’t care that they are gods and have the control of an army of undead.
But I just hope, my friends make it through, that we find victory.…

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>>99247
Apologies for the delay on reply I was getting the story run by my editor once more before sending in the application. I'm always logged onto fimfcition so most times Im not really online. This does not excuse my behavior and I have properly submitted my fic to the Que. Good evening and thanks for your time.

>>108827
You shouldn't bother with people like this. I'd assume it's a lot more effort on your part to edit it into the HTML than it is for some lazy writer to delete their thread and remake it with a hint of independance. You don't (or at least shouldn't) have to cover for poor workmanship.

>>108843

It's not that much effort to look at a post, look at the sticky, and tell somebody where they went wrong.

I can imagine it getting repetitive, though.

... anyways, this seems to be another case of a drive by fic dropper. I'll lock this one now.

OP, if you would like to have your thread unlocked, please report one of my posts in this thread. And again, I urge you to consider taking your fic to a review thread in the future.

>>108845

Ah, wait, you meant the whole "editing their post" thing. Nah, I do that from time to time if it's requested.

Not sure how I missed this last night while I was lurking here but I think I’ll jump in.
>>108701
Oh hey there Dragon… Wait a second. Dragon Rage?! Here… not as a mod… I… well… No matter, you had the same reaction when I first came to /gala/. So… yeah, moving on.

>>108704
Dragon’s right, Applejinx is the pony to see, and thank goodness he’s back too; a week ago you’d have been out of luck. My thread would also be of help to you but my queue’s closed at the moment I’m working on that So I’ll just offer you some advice here.

The first bit is to clean up that OP. This is a writing board, so pretty much everypony in here is a hardcore to the bone grammar Nazi. If you want some help or respect around here, you should type your post in a text editing software such as MS Word, Publisher Pro, or other program with spelling and grammar checks.

Now to Pinkie, yes she’s random, but you need to be careful with that. If you can look close enough, there is a very simple minded logic – and yes, it is in fact logic – that flows throughout her words and actions. Have you ever read Amelia Bedilia? It’s a children’s book series. The gist of it was that she took everything very literally, as does Pinkie Pie, but Pinkie makes more of a joke out of it. You do remember Fluttertree I hope. If not, go back and watch over a barrel again. This is a very good episode for absorbing Pinkie Pie. She took Dash’s sarcasm seriously, and literally, she is very… naïve in that respect, for lack of a better word. Rather everything is a game to her. She’s almost like an innocent little child, who knows how to get serious only when it’s absolutely necessary. Pinkie loves to have fun in any way she can, and above a…

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>>108754
GAH, THAT STUPID CLAIRVOYANCE!

I compleatly forgot about it. that means it would be really hard to use her for future event.

See I had this part lined up where Ghost blows up the library. Pinkie was supposed to be there but wouldn't Pinkie Sense tell her of possible explosions?

I wanted her to be there because of some jokes, but the more i think, there seems no possible excuse!

Actually, has Pinkie had an itchy ear as Pinkie sense? Now that i think about it, i could make one that she's never had before, which would be better when the explosion happens because she can be like, "OHHH so _________ means a big boom" ... work in progress. Though should it be a combo or just one thing? hmm...

Thank you for your help. As i said to Dragon Rage, you are a pony among ponies. Thank you.

>>108761
Always happy to help. Good luck with your story, it sounds interesting.

>>108705
I was lurking in /P/AD last night and I'll be checking out that story of yours later.

>>108651
Well, there's our answer. ^^;

I'm sorry again to anypony I offended with this thread. You don't have to do anything with it or read it at all if you don't want to. To those who already did, thank you. Also, thank you to Professor Hugbox for the critiques.

>>108651
>>108652
While I personally disagree with this threads existence, (For reasons not personal to the author or the story itself) I won't push for deletion. I still highly recommend you bring this story to a review thread, though, as like I said it could use some work. The first paragraph is where I found the instance of showing, not telling, and I can imagine there's quite more minimal errors within that will hinder the quality of your fic.

>>108632
Story recommendations, as long as they're made in accordance with the sticky's standards, are allowed. However, bumping them for attention is grounds for locking/deletion. Since these threads tend to sink fairly quickly, it's usually not a problem. I'd also like to remind people,
>>108632
>>108642
>>108643
>>108650
>>108651
that a thread should not be bumped unless the contribution is both on-topic and actually provides something to the thread (so, no bumping for chit-chat or "I lick dis stery").

Pinkie, you made a solid OP and actually got the tags right. That's all that's really required. However, while this thread is technically fine, know that you're in the wrong place to get sympathy and attention. If you want someone to show you how to become a better writer, well, there's a reason why EqD links to us. Feel free to submit your story to a (or at least, no more than two at any one time) review thread. Just know that if you do so, you'll have to delete this one, since the sticky stipulates that you can't be looking for reviews and showcasing at the same time; after all, if it's still being improved, then it's not ready to be displayed for the world to see, eh?

Why not do it on your own?

Hmmm...sounds like quite the interesting concept. I might be persuaded to assist you on your project, but I would need further details on the matter, as I don't wish to commit to project that is far too large to tackle at the moment, as I'm currently attempting to overhaul "Equestria Noir" write its 'foil' story "Paz" and attempting to complete several other smaller stories, including re-writes of "Salty Shores" and "Closer to heaven"; all stories already posted on EqD.

Be aware as well that, though I am familiar with the 'divine comedy' I've only read parts of it, never fully completed the piece (even though I carry a cope of it on my flash drive). So if and when further details are given, and they strike as more than appealing, then I'll give the piece thorough read and assist you. All I'll ask in exchange is some assistance with my own work.

So, do have ourselves a deal? If so, just shake the hand of this blasphemer.

PS: after this message, I will go offline due to work. So, you'll have to forgive if my reply arrives in a delayed fashion.

You may want to add to the requirements list this:

"...you should have read 'The Divine Comedy'..."

>>93091
Remember what I said in the last thread?
Don't bump for insignificant "status updates". When you have something of worth to add, then bump. All you're doing with these ones is saying "Look at me, I need attention!"

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12MD-5A6npEqyE88oH1oPgd9NTeSXaMJb-UUEc1Q7nvo/edit

I have created the beginning of my next fan fiction. If I may ask, please take a thorough look at it and evaluate it in this thread.

This is what I came up with after taking the many snip-its of advice you ponies gave me in this thread.

Please tell me if I'm doing it right, wrong, or otherwise.

After looks, I'll close this thread.

>>108291
Also if the song can be semi-humorous

Please repost this request in the Story Forge thread. Thanks,

Nothing that's new to me as far as theory, but it's a brilliant reference guide. I want a print copy.

I'm proud to say that I independently came up with #19 on my own.

>>108196
Trying to make others feel good.

The one about "thinking what WON'T happen" is really useful. It has been helping me a lot lately.

No.

>>108212
To elaborate:

No other can make you write better, you need to read, write, and take the criticism rather than quit because of it.

So, yes, no, we can only tell you what you are doing wrong.

I have a story you might be interested in!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TclrnDtnUlAq8hKvw0dR1sbM4PRKloPZi0CJ_1VG2TM/edit?hl=en_US

Haylo: Project Thunder

Brimstone and his team of SPARTAN IV's are a part of an elite Secret sub section. What will these young kids have to endure, and what will they have to face at the end of there long road filled with death, secrets, and an ONI spook that just won't leave them the fuck alone? Only reading there stories, and learning of there experiences will tell you.

Tags: Halo, OC, Teen, Mild Violence, Mild Sexual Themes, Mild OC Shipping, Hardly ANY appearances of the Main 6

So i tried submitting my story, Triumvirate to EQD, and they told me to come here for a review after they rejected it. so I suppose that brings me here.
So, here it is https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gsUWjxriM8o8UWNRZUT8DaD2TmrR7r7VSCYyiYI-LpU/edit 27 Chapters, I have them all in the one doc.

Tags: Adventure/Some Dark Moments (Including character death)/ Light-Gore I hope that's all you need. Let me know if there's anything else I need to do. I'm new to this.

Hello Octavia,

I originally wrote this for the FimFiction Ferbruary Write Off.  I have since spent a great deal of time polishing it up and would now like to have it properly reviewed, with the ultimate goal of getting posted in EQD (I know, that's a pretty ambitious goal!)  BTW I selected your review thread because you mentioned an interest in poetry.

Details:
1.) Tags: Comedy/Slice-of-Life
2.) Title: The Vacation Crew
3.) Synopsis:  Seeing that Princess Luna is feeling unhappy, Celestia suggests she take a vacation among 'normal ponies of Equestria'.  Luna seeks out Twilight Sparkle to be her vacation companion, at which point Pinky Pie drops in and somehow gets the entire Mane Six involved.  What they all have yet to realize is how badly the Princess needs their help.
4.) Link:  http://www.fimfiction.net/story/11702/The-Vacation-Crew
5.) Ponies: Luna, Mane Six, Spike, Cutie Mark Crusaders.
6.) Complete (7 chapters)
7.) Theme:  Luna can and does fit in with Equestrian society.…

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>>108127
Anything we can do to cheer you up?

>>108130
Can we have... a dance thread in /fic/? I'm not sure about rules at this point.

>>108129

You'd think they'd at least wait for a response. Oh well. Locking this thread for now.

OP, if you'd like to discuss reopening this thread, please contact me at [email protected], okay?

>>107315
Is that a CAB?

Where's your blue cord?

>>108079
Yes, it's a CAB. I'm not infantry, so no blue cord.

At last! Somepony has discovered a loophole in the system. I love loopholes, except of course when they’re directed at me. What’s up pony?

Name: Oh… My name? Yes, well… I go by many names, But the one that’s used least often is, Ben.
Age: I am 19 years, 10 days, and 16 hours old. I’ve been counting, not really.
Hometown: West Milford NJ
Occupation: High School Graduate, college level Student
Favorite Author: I’m torn between Christopher Paolini, and Brian Jacques. That guy was a genius, he will be missed.
Favorite Book: I Can Hear the Mourning Dove by James Bennett

I first got into writing In High School English class. At the end of my freshmen year, I was assigned a writing prompt, and it turned into a bigger story than I thought. I’ve since lost the original draft, but I still remember the story frame, so if I ever had the time I suppose I could write it again. That was back when I was all about dragons. Currently, I write simply to rid my mind of the ridiculous ideas that run rampant through it. I give them structure, and they become more tolerable.

I’m not very popular, and I blame my High School for being dumb and not allowing me to take advanced writing classes even though I passed every requirement they set for me, but I try my best, and always keep an open mind to new information. I also write for my readers. Few as they are I wish solely to give them an enjoyable story, although I’m better at sad than anything else. My inspiration comes in many forms. Sometimes ideas spring into my head purely out of nowhere, although some would argue that they simply have to come from somewhere. I’ve also been inspired by songs, and art, and other all sorts of things. …

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Hey guys!

I updated with-- well, nothing that anyone requested, but some random things that I thought belonged in this collection. Enjoy! Or don't, that's your right.

>>104998

Another update just went up. This one isn't a request so much as a fun prompt I stumbled across and couldn't pass up...

I wrote something that I meant to be a joke entry to the /fic/ write-off and added it to my shortfic anthology.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/22737/11/Tactical-Shorts-By-Request/%26quot%3BCutting-Ties%26quot%3B

What I'm starting on now... isn't ponychan appropriate. All the same, I'll be happy to keep my eye on this thread for more microfic suggestions.