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117323 No. 117323
#Normal #adventure
So i have this Choose Your Own Adventure collaboration project. As of now, 9 authors have 214 different scenarios, and dozens of different endings in a 49k word document. We've hit a bit of a snag, so i'm hoping for more contributors. =3

If you're interested in the story, either to help contribute or to enjoy a good read, click the link below.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1E6iTuCL8Bya0kRmpj13Aj22l7r178kMIMPK_ggzTflI/edit

For now, to give you a little taste of this giant project, we'll play a little game. I'll post the opening scene, and give you the choices available, whoever posts next decides on which path will be taken. I'll post the results of that choice and whoever posts after that will choose where the story goes next

So then, shall we start?

You are a resident of Ponyville, a nobody with no real future. Your cutie mark is-… Well, it really doesn’t matter now, does it? You’ve been sitting at home, relaxing, letting the days pass by you as you enjoy your solitude. There has been plenty of exciting thing occurring since you moved in; an Ursa Minor attacked the town, a chaotic creature changed the world to his design, and even a thousand year old Alicorn found her way out of her lunar prison… and yet SOMEHOW you of all ponies managed to sleep through it all.

You’re not happy with your boring life. It’s dull and pointless, at least in your own eyes, and you’ve convinced yourself that whatever event happens next, you’re going to be a part of it! You are going to save Equestria!

Buuut of course nothing is going on today… Just another peaceful day in Ponyville… So how’re you going to spend it?

~Stay at home.
~Head outside.

(so whoever posts next chooses which we'll do =3 )
Unspoiler all text  • Expand all images  • Reveal spoilers
>> No. 117325
Stay at home and think about just how pathetic your worthless existence is while doing the one-hoof locomotion to the Sears RoeBuck catalogue.
>> No. 117335
>>117325

Stay at home

You’re certain that nothing exciting will happen today and just head back to bed. Your bed is too comfortable to leave anyway. You figure that something interesting will happen eventually, but not today…

(END)

(Since that kinda ended abruptly i'll add the other option too =3 )

Head Outside

You decide to head out and take a walk. It’s a beautiful, but fairly dull day, and you should at least try to enjoy it.

You lock your door before heading down the street. It’s a fairly busy morning; Ponies setting up shop, while others run around trying to get their errands done before the rest of the town awoke. The sky is partly cloudy, a few stray clouds here and there, nothing the weather team can’t handle, that is if it’s even important enough to bother putting in the effort.

Your stomach begins to gurgle. You realize you haven’t had breakfast yet and you’re incredibly hungry…

~Head to that nice little diner over at the edge of town.
~Why not visit Sugar Cube Corner for something sweet?
~By ‘hungry’, you of course mean hungry for knowledge. To the library!
~Head back home, you probably have some leftovers in the fridge… Hey wait... what’s going on at the park?
>> No. 117336
>>117335
If one of the options doesn't do anything, why bother including it as an option?
>> No. 117338
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117338
>>117335
I was rather hoping Adventure (with a capital A) would find you instead, preferably while you were in the middle of a tryst with that cute blonde unicorn that models the saddles, and by cute blonde unicorn I mean her picture and by tryst I mean clopping furiously.

On topic: Go to the Sugar Cube Corner.
>> No. 117339
>>117336
It's silly, yeah, but it's a way to show the reader that their actions have consequences and if you make bad decisions you'll get bad results... it's right at the beginning so that you dont go through the story only to make bad decisions and screw up big time (Unless you want to

)>>117338

...Oookay, To sugar cube corner!

A sweet treat at Sugar Cube Corner sound delicious right now! You trot over to the bakery, and quickly open the door. A bell rings, announcing your presence. You’d prefer a royal horn played by a squad of royal guards, but you let your fantasies fade away as the smell of freshly baked sweets hit your nose.

“Hellooo! Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner!” a cheerful voice greets you as you approach the counter. A plump blue mare pokes her head out of the kitchen, spotting you heading her way. “Hello there! How may I help you today?”

You look through the glass case, admiring the delicious works of art the bakers have created. So many choices… but what to choose…

~Chocolate frosted donut! With Sprinkles!
~An apple turnover would be nice right now.
~A bagel with some cream cheese would probably be best.
~A cookie? This early? Why not?
>> No. 117341
>>117335

Although I like the idea of an ending where you don't do anything at all in principal, it seems a little... underwhelming, maybe? Underwhelming, when the first choice, which is made totally in the dark, leads to a game over. It's not the sort of thing that excites the reader to go find all the other alternate endings. Also, looking through what you have written so far, there's kind of a lot of really abrupt game overs that don't seem to reward decision making. As in, you lose/end the story not because you made a bad choice, but basically on a coin flip.

If you want an example of a good "you do nothing" ending, look up The Purloined Pony on Equestria Daily. In that CYOA, you have to blow Twilight off, go home, and go to bed, two or three different emphatic "screw the plot" choices IIRC, before the game gives up and tells you that you don't get to be part of the adventure. Actually, Purloined Pony is just a really great CYOA, you might want to look at how it's set up as you continue to work on this project.

Good luck with your story!
>> No. 117346
>>117341
It was inspired by my story ^_^. I set up my CYOA to have the answers to the next choice hidden in the exposition so that attentive readers could answer the questions consistently. Admittedly, it didn't always work and the default win option was "magic", but people seemed to like it well enough.

>>117339
Screw that, apple fritter all the way!
>> No. 117347
>>117346

Apple Fritter!

You ask for the Apple Turnover, deciding a little fruit would help energize you for the remainder of the day. She gladly places two turnovers into a small box as you put your bits on the counter to purchase them, “Very good choice, the Apple family really had a good harvest this year. Every one of their apples is absolutely delicious this year!” she hands your box, which you immediately open to begin munching on. You thank her as you head out the door, taking your snack with you.

As you finish up your snack, you consider how you will spend the rest of your day.

~Go ahead and visit the library.
~Head back home, you’ve accomplished enough today… Wait, what’s going on in the park?

(I'll go ahead and say this, there's a lot of 'roaming around town' bits, so if you want to get to the conflict, head to the park...)
>> No. 117365
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117365
>>117347
>she hands your box, which you immediately open to begin munching on.
This sentence is bad, in that pathetically funny Plan Nine from Outer Space kind of way. First of all, it's an action, not a dialogue attribution, so "she" should be capitalized.
>She hands your box
This makes little sense. I mean, I can infer what you're saying here, but that's because I'm an intelligent human being that can deduce such things. It should be:
>She hands you your box
Also, she "hands" you it, which is a difficult prospect for a creature that lacks opposable digits, so we need to fix that as well.
>She passes you your box
Finally, the subject of the sentence is the box, not its contents, so you essentially just said the protagonist decided to meet his daily fibre needs in the form of cardboard.

Back to the story at hand (or hoof, if one must insist on the equine-related puns):
Bah, who needs instant gratification? Go to the library and see if Twilight has the back issues of the Sears RoeBuck; maybe you'll be able to find that cute blonde unicorn from when she was modelling for the filly pyjama section.
>> No. 117413
>>117365

You make many very good points, and i really appreciate the constructive criticism, thank you ^_^ We could use an editor like you on here, hehe...

Anywho, Library!

Twilight's Library; a tree of knowledge rooted firmly in literary pursuit, doors open to any who wish to gleam great insight from the tomes held within. Granted, of course, Twilight manages to open said doors on time. For a mare so obsessed with schedules, 'hours of operation' seemed to elude the purple unicorn. You give a firm knock on the candle-emblazed door.

"SPIKE! ANSWER THAT!"

A few moments later, the door swings open, and you find yourself face-to-face (sort of) with a small purple dragon.

"Oh, hey, what can I do for you?"

~I'm looking for a book
~Nothing, really, just wanted to knock. I'll be heading home
~Got anything to eat?
>> No. 117421
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117421
>>117413
I must politely (read, haughtily) reject your kind (read, desperate) offer.

Ask him if Twilight has a backroom where she keeps the Playcolt magazines.
>> No. 117494
>>117421
Iiiii dont think she has any... sorry buddy, hehe
>> No. 117510
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117510
>>117494
What kind of library is this?!

Ask if she has the book series A Tune of Burning and Freezing; some incest ought to be enough for the moment.
>> No. 117518
>>117323

On SFX127, where it should redirect to SFX128 it instead goes to SFX928.
>> No. 117531
on SFX049 it should go to JTA200 but instead it goes to SFX200
>> No. 117656
>>117518
>>117531
Thanks so much! Thank you for pointing these out... i've fixed them and they're back on track!

>>117510

Its Twilight's Library... i dont think she has that either..
>> No. 117660
>>117656
In case you missed it, that was a reference to "A Song of Fire and Ice". You'd be hardpressed to not find that book in any self-respecting library at this point. A book does not get an award-winning HBO show without making a few waves, after all.

Also, it's a not-so-subtle hint to me choosing the "I'm looking for a book" option.
>> No. 117834
>>117660
Ah, sorry, i've been kinda half asleep when i read that... didnt get it... Anyway, book...

Spike chuckles. "Well, if you're looking for a book, no better place to find one than in a Library." Spike ushers you in, closing the door behind you.

"I should warn you, Twilight just did another rearranging of the shelves, so don't expect to find anything where they used to be. If you're looking for something specific, I'd be happy to point you in the right direction."

An Adventure Book sounds grand (TRM004)
I'm feeling a Romance novel right now (TRM005)
Got any good Mystery stories in? (TRM006)
Nah, I think I'll wander for now (TRM007)
>> No. 117857
>>117834
A romance is probably the best bet for finding some down-low hanky-panky.
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