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119870 No. 119870
#Discussion #General #StoryForge
Hello, and welcome to the eighth iteration of the Story Forge, /fic/'s story idea and brainstorming general thread!

If you have a story idea that you do not wish to write, or are looking for a seed of an idea upon which to build your world, consider this place a literary take-a-penny jar. We can also help flesh out your story ideas, but do suggest that once you get the ball rolling, to move the conversation to one of our many fine Review Threads. If you see someone asking for fic ideas, or posting a few, please direct them here.

Form if you want feedback on your idea: http://goo.gl/3rdNQ
The list of ideas: http://goo.gl/o4sCW

Previous thread: >>106451
Unspoiler all text  • Expand all images  • Reveal spoilers
>> No. 119873
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119873
Yay new thread!

Copy pasting my question that I posted in the last thread:

So the back story is that about 200 years ago a group of settler ponies like the ponies out of Appaloosa are caught between a skirmish with Minotaurs and Griffons. The minotaurs fight off the griffons but they discover the ponies on their recently claimed land. So of course the minotaurs capture the group. Equestria tries to find them but are unsuccessful so they record them as missing.

So two hundred years go by. The ponies still can't leave Minos because they are being put to work by the minotaurs. What kind of work should the ponies do?
>> No. 119874
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>>119873
Depends on how dark you want your fic to be.

The first thing that came to mind was the Israelites in Egypt, with a popular portrayal of them being put to work on pyramids - egoistical yet not-very-practical monuments. That would be pretty light.

On the ultra-dark side of the spectrum, sex slavery.

Basically what you want is something the minotaurs can't be bothered to/don't want to do themselves. Not necessarily things the minotaurs can't do - quite a difference - since it's 200 years of history, and that's 200 years for the minotaur culture to develop around their race's limitations. And such a culture would have little use or place for activities that minotaurs cannot do. Not to mention having ponies help overcome their limitations would result in, after so long, a symbiotic relationship rather than that of oppressor-and-oppressed.
>> No. 119875
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>>119874
That's a good point. I need something that is a bit mindless and would be simple for the ponies to do, but that the minotaurs can't do (or they don't want to do)

What about cleaning? It's light, mindless work. especially since I'd picture minotaurs being pretty strong builders. They'd build like you said "egotistical but useless structures" and even they don't use it for anything, they make the ponies clean it everyday on the off-chance they will use it.

I like the concept of the minotaur society having a close relationship with the ponies, but I just want something that is still hard work but not slavery. It's to be a focal point that pushes for the ponies to escape.

>>sex slavery
not THAT dark
>> No. 119878
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>>119875
Yep, cleaning sounds good. ^_^ For impetus, it's always the trigger event that tips over the balance. Maybe have a pony break an expensive vase and end up getting punished really, super severely for it, and then the ponies realize that they need to stop sucking it up and start escaping. That's 200 years of servitude you have to abolish, so there's a pretty high upper bound for how shocking the incident can be. In other words, the more stunningly harsh, the more convincing it'll be because of its potency.
>> No. 119880
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>>119878
Break an urn containing one of the previous Mintoaur Pharaohs' ashes, get public corporal punishment (which can likewise be adjusted for darkness), maybe?
>> No. 119897
>>119878
Or the one that screws up runs away to escape their punishment and finds their way to Equestria and delivers the news that there are slave ponies in Minos.
>> No. 119910
Well my endgame is to have the escapees run into far west which is sort of a neutral zone that doesn't have any form of law. That is where most of the adventure is. not just avoiding capture but facing another land full of danger. When they make it through far west, they end up in Appaloosa. The town doesn't have the means to help the escapees so they send them to a place out of the way where breburn has a cousin and friends who can help.
>> No. 119957
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Right, I'd like to know how exactly to make a really grim setting for both sides in an ongoing conflict involving Equestrians and what remains of the human population of Miami that didn't die of magic intoxication, though slightly less so for the Equestrians. I'd like to portray a gritty feeling where taking away a life from the opposition is a normal thing and neither are able to make significant progress against the other. Though, they aren't alone in the war to come out on top, and what were once regular animals/humans that were subjected to extremely high doses of magic are now wildly twisted and deformed, stopping at nothing to bring about the downfall of both sides. Though, it should be mentioned that the war itself has gone on for roughly thirty or so years since the original invasion.

The main message I want the fic to give is: "The world that was once known is destroyed, and the only thing to ever remind you of how beautiful and unique it once was are old, faded Polaroids and tattered postcards."

The problem is, I don't know how to make this seem genuinely grim for either side. I could have violence and killing, but that doesn't seem to be enough to evoke emotions or real response. Anyway, any info on going about this would be appreciated.
>> No. 119973
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>>119957
Sooo, something like Fallout?

A gritty, grim tone is invoked firstly by a conflict between the reader's values and the world, not necessarily by conflict within the world. Have your characters simply accept their way of life the same way you would accept the concept of breathing. Make them feel pain but not guilt, save for the occasional saint of hope or dreamer just to highlight the contrast a bit. That way, you create dissonance, and thus you present to the reader a grim world via showing rather than tell.

Also depends on who your main character is, because showing the world through their eyes gives you different do's and don'ts based on their personality. A MC who hopes and preserves is a lot easier to sympathize with than a MC who thinks nothing of killing, unless you're going for the maniac route. An infuriatingly naive MC, like a child, would allow you to hint at the darkness of the world much more subtly than if the MC were fully aware. And so on.

I mean, as long as you give everyone a motive, they'll establish the world themselves. That's what I think at least haha.
>> No. 120014
>>119957

Hmm... have you ever read any of Dan Abnett's works? If you're looking for inspiration, I would highly recommend you pick up his Gaunt's Ghosts series. He is a master when it comes to portraying the horrors and hopes of war, and he can write an action sequence like no other.
>> No. 120056
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120056
>>119973

I disliked Fallout ever since I realized a bullet to the head won't stop a regular man, which is ironic because everyone is somehow surprised the Courier survived that.

Anyway, the main character is one of the oldest living survivors from old Earth. He's roughly in the mid-70's, is a history teacher to the kids/teenagers of other survivors, a member of their region's council and basically a pretty laid back guy that occasionally goes with raids into deeper parts of the city for information and supplies. Point is, he'd be your average, everyday man who saw the entire world crumble around him, leaving only a few fragments of life. Then a whole species comes out of nowhere, attacking you without provocation. How exactly do I convey that kind of hatred and spite in an old man's actions?

>>120014

Never heard of him, but I'll look into who he is and his books when I can.
>> No. 120059
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>>120056
>Point is, he'd be your average, everyday man
'Kay.

>who saw the entire world crumble around him, leaving only a few fragments of life.
Pic related.

>Then a whole species comes out of nowhere, attacking you without provocation.
Okay, I must've missed this earlier: you mean the ponies, right? The ponies who thought that Earth had no intelligent life? Now they go all Mars Attacks?!

>How exactly do I convey that kind of hatred and spite in an old man's actions?
Abuse. Unless you're a saint, you don't go through that much pain without lashing out. Not when all the therapists have been killed by pastel ponies.

You then need to decide (or ask him, if you write like I do) if he internalizes or externalizes his abuse--that is, does he hurt himself or others? If others, is it other humans or is it ponies?

Then you ask how. Verbal? Physical? Lethal?

You can of course combine several of the above. One way to show him as sympathetic but damaged would be this combo:

1. Abuse of self (physical), by way of excessive drinking. The apocalypse has made booze rare, but when he finds some he drinks himself stupid.

2. Abuse of humans (emotional), by withholding affection and praise from his students. He figures he's just preparing them for the harsh reality of the world, but his apparent dislike for the kids hurts them, especially the ones with no other father figure.

3. Abuse of ponies (lethal), through total emotional disconnect. If he saw Fluttershy injured in the street--and knew full well that she ran a free hospital for both species--he'd shoot her in the face, "Because fuck horses."

That's just ome hate-salad you can whip up with the ingredients above. No matter what you choose, never forget these drunken words from Captain James Tiberius Kirk: "I've never trusted Klingons--and I never will. I can never forgive them--for the death of my boy."
>> No. 120062
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>>120059

Never watched Mad Max, heard it was good, but I'd rather stay away from that anti-Semetic fuck.

And I did mention an earlier post (I believe) that the Equestrians held a strong hatred towards humans, who originally held a country bordering Equestria before its God-King was killed off. So, there's a long-running history of animosity between both groups, and the humans of Earth have inherited it once Equestria invaded. That's the main reason why the Equestrian military is hell-bent on stamping out the humans, due to them seeing humanity as the biggest threat/competitor.

I'd rather go with the third option, because I want him to hold a high regard for himself and other humans, especially the future adults. I should also probably make it known that the Equestrians didn't actually wipe out a good chunk of the population, only a rift that forced magic into the human world did. Most of humanity was able to adapt or have the resistance and either died like most or became twisted entities that stalk the streets and underground of Miami.

My reasoning for going with the third is that the abuse is mutual for both sides. Equestrians try to capture humans and use them as magical "Batteries" for the barriers that cover their settlements, along with doing scientific experiments on them. At one point, the main character is going to mercy kill the experimentees, though I'm not sure how that would come off as.

And in regards to the quote, I may not know who Captain Tibby Kirk is, but I too understand the plight of having a clingy person nearby.
>> No. 120067
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120067
>>120062
>Never watched Mad Max, heard it was good, but I'd rather stay away from that anti-Semetic fuck.
No prob. It was basically a post-apocalyptic Australian take on The Punisher.

>And I did mention an earlier post (I believe) that the Equestrians held a strong hatred towards humans, who originally held a country bordering Equestria before its God-King was killed off. So, there's a long-running history of animosity between both groups, and the humans of Earth have inherited it once Equestria invaded. That's the main reason why the Equestrian military is hell-bent on stamping out the humans, due to them seeing humanity as the biggest threat/competitor.
Yeah, I missed all that. Eh, my bad. Anyway... So the ponies hate Earth-humans because they look like their former foes, eh? Hmmm... Hate-filled ponies is a hard sell, especially given that Earth humans are innocent (at first). Are you using all OC ponies, or will you include AU versions of the ones we know and love? The second one will take some major 'splainin.

>I'd rather go with the third option, because I want him to hold a high regard for himself and other humans, especially the future adults.
I was suggesting them as a combo platter--'cause trauma sucks like that--but sticking to one will be easier to write.

>I should also probably make it known that the Equestrians didn't actually wipe out a good chunk of the population, only a rift that forced magic into the human world did. Most of humanity was able to adapt or have the resistance and either died like most or became twisted entities that stalk the streets and underground of Miami.
Yeah, but like you said they've got that massive, throbbing hate-on for humans anyway. Toh-may-toh, toh-mah-toh.

>My reasoning for going with the third is that the abuse is mutual for both sides. Equestrians try to capture humans and use them as magical "Batteries" for the barriers that cover their settlements, along with doing scientific experiments on them.
Wow. That's... really evil for ponies.

>At one point, the main character is going to mercy kill the experimentees, though I'm not sure how that would come off as.
Eh, depends how you handle it. If you play up their suffering before the act and the protagonist's pain during it, it should go over tragically. Just avoid cliches like the prisoners begging/thanking him for death, or the "single slow tear."

>And in regards to the quote, I may not know who Captain Tibby Kirk is, but I too understand the plight of having a clingy person nearby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0K63RYrlXc
>> No. 120084
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>>120067

Well, the Equestrians have a decent amount to hate, given their bloody history. Celestia herself blames the humans native to her Earth for the deaths of her parents, due to a clash between the human god and them, eventually killing them both and turning him into Discord. Luna has a serious hatred for humans in general because an event hinted at occurring involved her being kidnapped by humans from our Earth (who were in reality trying to close the rift, with Luna getting in the way and them being forced to subdue her).

Combined, along with all the propaganda, makes for a society that's pretty damn hateful to us. The reason Equestria attacks first is due to orders to immediately capture any rogue humans for use by the government, which the humans of Earth obviously don't like, forcing them to retaliate. To put it bluntly, a bunch of assumptions and lack of consideration brought about a war that could've been avoided, where they now have no communication between each other.

Regarding the traumatic stuff, I'll probably have to mix and match anyway to make something just right. Also, I meant to say they weren't able to adapt to the magic. On the topic of evil ponies, however, I'm going to try and make the ponies have the ideology of that humans are a sort of inferior species that isn't meant to be valued. Examples of this are the experiments, obviously, along with unicorn necromancers reviving dead humans to use as slaves (but the humans don't know that quite yet until the main character fights his way into Equestria). And with the mercy killing, I really would like to avoid cliches and keep it fairly realistic. You have people subjected to mass amounts of pain on a daily basis who just want to die, so he fulfills that request with the exception of maybe one (for reasons to be created).

Anyway, thanks for the info and shit, and I don't understand how it makes me a funny man with that one quote.
>> No. 120098
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>>119874
>mfw I almost wrote a story about sex slavery.
It was a flutterdash tragedy/shipfic. I never wrote it ,though, and hope I never have to.
>> No. 120102
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>>120098
>MFW I am now thinking you are that anon who made that pants crapping fic were all the main six become sex slave after Celestia goes insane and breaks Twilight's horn, and a bunch of other fucked up things I can't write here.
>> No. 120171
I had an idea a couple of days back, and I wanted to see what you guys thought of it:

Twilight gets really worried when she finds that Pinkie Pie appears to have forgotten all the events that had happened over the last five days she went missing, with her only clue being an insistent little phoenix which guides her to a house she doesn't remember being ever seeing there.

Inside, she finds a pony who keeps memories saved, and so begins Twilight's attempt at figuring out what happened with Pinkie Pie inside the house, all while she explores the system Equestria uses to ensure harmony and stability is maintained: willing ignorance and achievement for the sake of happiness.

So, through a series of snippets and memories, Twilight tries to understand how this memory keeping has affected her life (and how she notices her memories might not quite as true as she thought they were), why Pinkie Pie made herself forget such a long period of time, and just a series of explorations of the world of Equestria and the values which keep being such a nice place to live (no matter the price).

I'm not really aiming for a dark theme, just something which I was thinking about how happiness is bliss, how ponies seem to keep forgetting about things, and just some attempt at BS philosophy.

Ideas, thoughts?
>> No. 120172
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>>120171

This looks like it could be pretty interesting, assuming you're prepared to give it the kind of attention it would require. A story with that many elements and possible conflicting perceptions of reality could easily get out of control. I've never read anything by you though, so I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're the bees knees.

It sounds a lot like Lois Lowry's The Giver actually. If you haven't read it, it's an interesting take on how memories, collectively, shape a society. I'm not sure if that's the angle you were going for here or not, but it's something to consider. Of course, I'm not recommending you use that plot, specifically. It's similar enough though that you might want to take a look. What kind of direction were you thinking of taking this anyway? You said BS philosophy, and you're messing with ponies minds, so I'm assuming a generally serious tone.

Anyway, if you write it and post it here, there's a good chance I'll read it. It sounds like an interesting enough premise anyway.
>> No. 120174
>>120172
>>120172
I have read The Giver, and yeah, it kind of influences it, but the actual things that brought the ideas are 1984 and the concept of a sin-eater – basically, some else who takes all your sins so your own soul is clean – with an emphasis on how remembering affects us personally rather than globally – of course, how the world gets affect by this is also covered but it's a result of rather than the center-most of the story.

Mostly, I just wanted to justify why everyone in Equestria seems to have known who the main six are but doesn't quite seem to remember what they did and who they are, then explore a bit of how would one react to the knowledge one has been sacrificing parts of one self just for the sake of being happy, and finally just thread through the stories of various ponies and what is that they want to forget the most to remain happy.

The ending will probably either drip cheese or be ambiguous, but I first need to figure out how to handle the stories, if I should use an OC for the memory keeper, whose stories I should write and all that.

Just going and throwing a bunch of stories about things I find interesting seems like an easy way to ruin the whole thing.
>> No. 120180
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>>120174

Ah yes. 1984. I am fond of that one. Although if I recall, the idea you're describing is still more of The Giver than 1984. It's definitely present in both books though, so I can see what you're talking about.

Equestria is portrayed in the show as a nearly a perfect utopia. It's a word full of literal sunshine and rainbows, so you'll want to be careful just how grim you end up making things look. The Giver was creepy because everyone was so ignorant, not because they were terrible people. 1984 is simply hell, just of the brainwashed corporate variety. There's never any question in the reader's mind that the society is deeply sick. I'd go for a lighter tone, with a more ambiguous portrayal of Equestria's morality (of course, this is all just me brainstorming on your idea, so don't feel obligated to listen).

One other suggestion. If you are really good at writing OCs, then this could be a good place for one. But you are going to have enough going on that it might be a little challenging. Plus, people tend to get really wrapped up in their OCs, to the detriment of the plot. If you think you can juggle both then by all means, go for it. If not though, I think I'd rather read this premise with you having poured a lot into the story, rather than trying to come up with a new character. Something you might consider as an alternative is using Zecora in the roll that an OC would have filled. She's mysterious, has ambiguous origins, and lives in the woods. Just because Twilight has been to her house doesn't mean she couldn't have forgotten very important things about our favorite zebra. This assumes you're comfortable writing in verse though.
>> No. 120244
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120244
I'm planning a story in which Lyra and Bon-Bon realize their house is haunted. Not really horror, more of a parody of haunted house cliches. I've basically got an idea of what happens, but I need a title and I'm horrible at coming up with them. Post ideas.
>> No. 120246
>>120244
"The Haunting Harp"?
>> No. 120252
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120252
>>120244
"My Little Poltergeist"
>> No. 120255
>>120252

I try to avoid anything following the "My Little X" formula because it's so cliche.
>> No. 120279
>>120244
The Ponyville Horror.
>> No. 120284
I was casually musing what it means to belong, and I decided that perhaps the notion differs from person to person, you see. A waster or roamer feels far more at home while on the road then he does tied down to a family/establishment etc. Thus, my very basic plan for:

The Rambling GentlePony's Collective

Six main characters:
-The Three Ramblers
-Three Anchors

The ramblers are a group of three stallions, who live on a shoestring budget, that travel around the known pony globe. They do so without the aid of the others. They therefore have no family's or friends, and while they lead exiting lives, lack personage and identity. These three characters should be from the shows established canon. I was thinking three of the (at present) colts. Say, snips, featherweight and patch. At least three well known and thus easily identifiable characters. Reason being, I'd rather them not have names, for reasons of the theme of distance from normality and steady lives.

The anchors are the opposite, three characters who keep what would be a 'stable' life, i.e., steady job, loving families etc, but very thankless and menial all the same. Basically the opposite of the three ramblers. I'm thinking of having them as natives from the three regions the three ramblers visit in turn. Say, a griffon, a dog and a pony from a far flung pony settlement.

The purpose of the anchors is to act as the intertwining 'glue' of the ramblers. Each rambler meets each anchor, but the ramblers never do.

The ramblers finish their journey, slightly altered from when they began months before, at a similar establishment to where they left. Say, drinking den/cafe etc.

Thus, the ramblers have learned the value of family and stability from their anchors, while the anchors have learned that letting go and getting lost once in a while is for the better.

Thoughts? Idea's on who would suit the Ramblers best?

Best Regards
>> No. 120478
I'll share my story idea... i-if that's okay. *Fluttershy whimper*

So we're in the human world. A Brony goes out to his local toy store, and spots a box set of the Mane Six. Drawn to it by its "COLLECTOR'S EDITION" labeling, and it being the last one on the shelf, he picks it up for fifty bucks. Later that evening, as this Brony is styling the ponies' hair, one of them becomes animated, and even begins to speak. The other five ponies -- one by one -- are also animated and begin talking with one another. They're wondering what they're doing here in this strange, oversized room, with this weird giant... thing looking down upon them.

From here on out, the story would be a series of short stories. The first few would be the Brony learning how to take care of his magical ponies, and the story would later progress into adventures involving their time together. Think "Indian in The Cupboard," but replace the Indian with ponies.

Thanks for your time. :)
>> No. 120479
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>>120478
Such a cool idea. I did a short based on something similar a while back: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/45800/6/Brief-Glimpses---An-Anthology/Brushable-Story

It'd be amazing if someone did a whole long(ish) fic about it.
>> No. 120486
>>120478

This is a pretty adorable idea. Just like you said, sort of an Indian in the Cupboard story.
>> No. 120531
>>120478
That could be an interesting idea.

By the way, the collector's pack is $40.

Also, this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRnX4quv5W4
>> No. 120535
>>120531
Oh god, THAT.
>> No. 120615
Same guy as the Memory Eater idea, here is another short one:

Everyone is a changeling, but the ones in Equestria have simply lost the ability to morph. They are simply copies of a long lost Pony civilization which had a lot of advance technology, far larger numbers, and incredibly powerful magic they accidentally used in their own destruction.

Not really well cooked, but whatever. I'll probably return back to it later.
>> No. 120616
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>>120615
>Not really well cooked
I'll say. it's still pink on the outside.
>> No. 120653
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120653
Ight, motherfuckers, idea ahead!

So, this is a crossover with a really great show that got cancelled titled "Meth and Red Show." Definitely worth watching, but let's move on.

It was a nice day for Twilight Sparkle, waking up to Celestia's shining sun, until a ruckus went aruckus and fucked up the peace of the neighborhood. Mover ponies carefully lifted things into a mansion that some how appeared overnight, across from the library, and music was already being blasted from inside. She goes to investigate, only to find the two infamous men living lavishly with women and friends constantly streaming in and out of the home. The disorder instantly turns her off, but she musters the courage to greet her new human neighbors. Things probably turn sour and the new relationship is constrained until the two unwittingly save the day somehow. Twilight begrudgingly accepts them as part of the community, whereas they don't care in the least.

They don't refer to any of the ponies by their actual names and give them names based on their looks/personalities, though they always call Twilight "Neighbor Lady." Chapters function as episodes.

Anyway, thought this up because it fit so well after rediscovering this show (I was a bit fucked up too), which the first episode is right here, if anyone cares: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6iKbgwKHtM
>> No. 120661
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120661
Okay, I've got a story basically mapped out, what I lack is material. I'm more of a sad/dark kind of pony, and have little taste for comedy, so I need your help. What I have is a little story about a young unicorn named Starshine, who just happened to accidentally wish upon a falling star. Yeah yeah, you know where this is going. He turns into an owl, and tries to track down his lost telescope that he had lost during a clutzy mishap with a wagon and a hill. Basically, he finds out that nopony can understand anything he's saying. he comes across one, Twilight Sparkle, doing late night studies or whatever but she can't understand what he's saying either. Move to spike, yadda yadda. And I'll just fill it in with jokes and stuff.

But I don't know how to do that. I'm terrible with comedy watch:

Two ponies walk into a bar. The third pony ducks.


See? I have no clue what I'm doing. I need ideas.
>> No. 120662
>>120653

They call ponies based on their personalities instead of their real names, so when they see a pegasus who likes butterflies and is shy, they'd call her Fluttershy.
>> No. 120667
>>120661
I'm also wondering how I should start the story. I've got a scene written, taking advantage of the fact that it actually warrants a weather report opener, where he loses the telescope and all. But I'm wondering if it wouldn't work better if I started with him becoming frustrated at somepony for not understanding, and then recapping backwards, filling in the details until we arrive at the beginning. Then of course progress forward. I've been meaning to try to write backward recently.

Thoughts, anypony?
>> No. 120668
>>120667
Never pass up a chance to try something new or experiment.
>> No. 120670
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>>120667
> I'm wondering if it wouldn't work better if I started with him becoming frustrated at somepony for not understanding, and then recapping backwards, filling in the details until we arrive at the beginning.
I think this could work, but you'd probably have to be careful with your pacing. I mean, if you spend to long recapping it might start to drag. Then again, it could be the best idea ever. I definitely like the sound of it. I've always wanted to write a backwards story.
> I've been meaning to try to write backward recently.
I guess I'm not the only one...
As for the jokes, you got me. I'd like to think that I'm fairly capable of writing half-way decent comedy, but giving out comedic advice is difficult since comedy is so subjective. What I may find funny another may not. I can't speak for others, but I know that I come up with the majority of my joke ideas while writing. That's kinda just when the jokes hit me; I don't sit down and think of jokes beforehand.

Speaking of messing with time in fics, I had an idea. I was thinking of writing a fic where Twilight is sent into the future (not particularly original) where the vast majority of ponies now live in orbiting space stations around Equestria (is Equestria the planet too?). It's not really going to be dystopian, per se, but neither is it all sunshine and milkshakes. In this distant future ponies have evolved beyond the need for magic—their needs being met by technology now—and unicorns have become very rare. What few unicorns are born are exiled to the surface, seen as mutants by the general populous, where they form their own Dune-esue community. Really though, that's just the backdrop. The actual story would be told by jumping around the timeline. One chapter might take place in the future, and the next might take place in the present, and so on and so forth.

I realize that this may not be the most original idea (either part), but I want to know if that actually sounds like a decent idea, or a complete mess. I wouldn't be surprised if someone had already done this and I've just never heard of it. I did that once before. *cough*[i[The Box[/i]*cough*
Eh, I'll probably just write some bits of it as a "proof of concept" and see if it's actually viable.
>> No. 120672
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120672
>>120662

What kind of bullshit is that? Who the fuck even thinks like that.
>> No. 120712
Hello I'm new to the mechanics of 4chan so please bear with my stupid question.

If you have an idea, you simply post it first, THEN use the feedback form to link to the post of your idea?
>> No. 120717
>>120712
Yes, that's how that works.
>> No. 120723
>>120712

You sure you don't wanna make your own thread?
>> No. 120726
Holy shit apples its Ren. I feel like I'm being spied on in the shower.

You know maybe I should have considering how long this post is.
>> No. 120731
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120731
I'd like some assistance with a lyrical quandary. I want to ponify a song that's a little... darker than the kinds of songs you'd see sung on the show. Specifically, the Scissor Sisters' 2006 number, "I Can't Decide." Here's a PMV for reference: http://youtu.be/Ew2vf5f-RJg

Pretty dark, I realize. All I have so far is "Oh, you'll prob'ly go to Heaven Hayven. Please don't hang your head and cry." Any other clever puns you'd like to share? I could use all the help I can get here!
>> No. 120735
Because my post was so freakishly huge, and I didn't notice until the last moment that I forgot to edit some important details. I deleted the post but it's still in the List of ideas. And somehow it managed to post twice. I hope a moderator or something deletes those entries because they don't link to anything anymore. I don't want to crowd the list with my shit so I'll repost when they're gone. Maybe cut it in half.
>> No. 120737
>>120731
I listened to that whole song, and I can't figure out what you need ponified. The song is entirely ambiguous. Perhaps a few more listens, and some lyrics would help, I guess.
>> No. 120791
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120791
>>120284
It sounds like you'd be better off using a bunch of OCs to be honest. For all of the roles. Since you're going to go and re-write their personalities as adults anyways, what's the point of using Snips & co.? Maybe one of the anchors could be a member of the Apple family, but not a Ponyville Apple, but the way it sounds... Eh, I can't quite lay a finger on it. Maybe it's your title, which I don't quite like the sound of for some reason. I'm getting the picture of Wooster and Jeeves, except without their charm and wit, partly because it sounds like they have nobody to bounce off of. Or maybe because of this: "lack personage and identity", which promptly ends any reason for me as a reader to invest in them.

Making your characters ambiguous and vague is the most effective way of ridding your plotline of any weight whatsoever, since it's the characters that are supposed to drive the plot. Fluff is established characters doing things to each other without delving any deeper than skin-deep into their personality. Yours sounds like that, except that you're not even using characters that most people would care enough about, like straddling the fence.

>>120661
Merciless lampooning seems to be a good way to sustain humour. Witty comebacks and smart reversals of norms in speech also seem to work (easier said than done, heh).

For example, we were in class and a casual, easy-going teammate of mine asks this other, super-hardworking teammate: "I don't know how you can keep on working. Are you working?"

"Yeah, I am."

"I really don't know how you can keep so motivated. Are you on drugs?"

For some reason, that got me laughing a lot harder than I should have. It was probably funny to me because 1) the first guy is usually really tired-looking, with droopy eyes, 2) drugs i.e. pot does the exact opposite, 3) drug reference and 4) you had to be there.

I guess it's all context and character, really. Blueshift's stuff is funny in a good-spirited way because he has good-spirited characters. I'm probably the worst humour author ever, but I have something that people seem to rather like which is funny in a mean-spirited way (Skyrim's Lydia complaining about having to carry the Dragonborn's junk, among other things).

Or, I have a horrible sense of humour and an even worse ability to apply it, in which case make some room for me so that we can get into the same boat. =s
>> No. 120962
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120962
BE THERE ANY FANS HERE OF THE WEBCOMIC, EL GOONISH SHIVE? (www.egscomics.com)
If not, I can probably figure it out myself, but if there are, I would like a second opinion on something:

As you may have guessed, I plan to do a crossover of them. What I'm wondering is whether I should have Tedd accidentally zap Pinkie into the human world, or if I should have Tedd zap Grace into Equestria

Thanks guys.
>> No. 121071
Do you think its plausible to have a story from the point if view if fluttershy's father being a professional hitman?

At night hes a well calibrated killer with only his target and method of escape in mind.

At day he tries to keep a normal life loving his only daughter and seeing her as a reminder to question his choices as a hitman and his ability to change that part of himself.

It sound a but out there but the idea the exploration of why Fluttershy is shyness pr why she instinctively cares less misfortune creatures. I think it might be interesting she gets this trait from the care of her father affection and care because of the nature of his career.

Just a thought and a idea
>> No. 121075
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121075
>>121071
I tried to do one where Fluttershy was adopted by a rich businesspony, except that she was adopted because she resembled their stillborn foal and was actually bought off the pony trafficking market of Maretopia For the Love of All, if any of you still remember. Yes, you can do it, and it's potentially great if you can pull it off. But you need some serious writing chops to, though.
>> No. 121156
>>120962
I haven't read egs in ages. How's Dan's comic going these days? Anyways, I think it would make more sense for Grace to get sent to Equestria, though that type of crossover is a bit overdone in general, of your two options it's the one that fits FiM fanfics better.
>> No. 121189
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121189
New stuff on my idea board.

My new "worst idea ever," Clueless Writer and Obnoxious Writer walk away after a particularly brutal Wanderer D blogpost and decide to have a little fun to relieve the stress.

Second person. Either human clop or parody of human clop in which the pony character either doesn't get it or shuts the human down. The "you" character is the PONY. The human is a parody of a self insert. I can't decide whether the human should be a pathetic sex-starved nerd, or an idealized sex god. Either way, he'll be obviously-written-by-a-virgin.

I also can't decide whether "you" should fall so stupidly in love with him that the reader HAS to understand that it's parody, or if "you" should be totally aware of how fucked up the situation is and how odd the human is acting.

Stallion takes it from Futachaser. This idea is a bit of a personal thing, never mind.

Twilight is Emo Cyclops. A close call with what she thought were safe conditions for magic experimentation results in her becoming distant and self-hating. She's afraid of her own power, and although she won't admit it, she doesn't want to be around other ponies because she subconsciously feels like there's always the danger of a deadly accident.

A story about Celestia's feelings about the NLR or about banishing her sister. I have written this a couple of times, but always in an extremely condensed form. If I were to write it in 1500 words instead of 500 I'm sure it would be a much better fic.

Old stuff on the idea board:

Skywishes: A blind bag pegasus whose cutie mark is a kite. Her cutie mark is a toy that helps little ones feel closer to the sky. This concept is actually kind of beautiful. I want to write it.

Friendship: The Gathering. Discord or Chrysalis turned into a Phyrexian is the villain. I want to write this just because the name and the crossover are a great idea (Twilight has a Planeswalker Spark!) but I don't know the planeswalkers' personalities very well. Maybe it doesn't matter; not many people have read the books and I can extrapolate personalities pretty well from their cards. Chandra is particularly easy, and I can see myself doing Garruk and maybe Jace too.

Cop movie parody starring a campy gay griffon named Officer Manlypants.

Two furniture store employees having sex. Literal IKEA porn.
>> No. 121191
>>121189

The CW/OW fic is being written as we speak. The concept is for them both to be just as awful as sex as at writing, so despite their best efforts the fic never turns into actual clop.

Me posting this is less to ask people to write it (though you're welcome to!) as it is to ask "What do you think I should do next?"

I missed two:

Trixie and Scratch are cast as the male and female romantic lead in a play. Off-stage shenanigans ensue. Then behind-the-set-during-a-performance shenanigans ensue.

Scootaloo goes in for a routine checkup because it's her birthday... and learns about her handicap. She self-mutilates and becomes suicidal due to losing not only her hopes and dreams, but her very racial identity. Her scooter is Calvin's wagon--I've already written the opening of this fic, and while she rides her scooter, she wonders if the feeling is similar to flying, and takes every opportunity to try to learn to fly. Not only does this introduce the reader to Scootaloo's all-encompassing desire to fly, it also makes the scooter a metaphor for hope. Turning it into despair and then acceptance is easy to imagine. Now that I'm thinking about it, I could also see myself writing an ending in which she contemplates suicide by, ironically, jumping off a cliff. She doesn't do it "onscreen." Instead, the scene cuts to the scooter being a metaphor for death, leaving the reader to wonder.
>> No. 121261
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121261
After rediscovering my immense love for Dark Souls, I realized there were a decent amount of similarities between it and FiM in terms of characters and locations. Celestia functions as Lord Gwyn (Sun), Luna and Gwyndolin (Moon), Iron Will and the Minotaur Demon, among a bunch of other shit I noticed, including Tartarus and the Undead Asylum.

Now, how exactly would it sound if the Chosen Undead woke up in Tartarus in his New Game + instead of the Asylum and broke out, releasing all the demons within and hunting down Celestia so he could fulfill his mission?
>> No. 121265
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>>121156
Overdone? I've never read an EGS crossover. Maybe I'm just crazy, though. Or did you mean that Human in Equestria is overdone?

The comic itself is actually progressing fairly slowly. I think Dan's just stalling until he figures out what he wants to do with the mysterious shadowy figure that's been stalking them since Ellen was created.
>> No. 121303
>>120791
Fair cop, and I understand what you mean.
Have you read the Erast Fandorin series at all? If you have, or at least "Murder on the Leviathan," then use that as a sort of reference for what I meant. A main character, but the POV of the narrative comes from those around him, his side characters. That sort of style of telling stories.

Thanks for your input! Cheers!
>> No. 121312
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121312
>>120962
>>121156
>>121265
I think Warden is saying that the premise "character from X creative property gets transported to Equestria" is overdone, and I basically agree. It's not that you shouldn't ever write one of these stories, it's just that there are a lot of them and they overwhelmingly tend to follow the same formula:

1. Character gets transported to Equestria. (Optionally, character also turns into a pony.)
2. Character meets the mane six.
3. Everyone faffs around, and there's probably some shipping going on.
4. Character's main goal is to somehow get back, and so the cast looks for a portal or something.

The problem I have with most of these kinds of stories is they tend to feel pointless after you read them, or even during. It's more like you're watching someone's holiday slideshow than reading a story, because the characters don't really grow or change – and that's largely because most of them have "get back to my world" as their sole, unchanging goal throughout the piece. This was the biggest problem I had with On a Cross and Arrow.

Note that all that generally applies to stories about heroes visiting Equestria. Stories about villains doing the same tend to fare rather better, because of how many stories have reactive heroes and disruptive villains. A hero only wants to restore things to the way they should be, so he focuses on getting back to his own world and restoring the status quo, but a villain wants to disrupt things and control things and subjugate Equestria. Better Living Through Science and Ponies is a crossover that avoids the "holiday slideshow" trap by transporting both GLaDOS and Chell to Equestria and having GLaDOS do evil stuff to our little ponies, which Chell has to stop, thus giving her a goal beyond "get back to my own world".

So I think bringing antagonists along for the ride is a good way of making your crossover interesting and different, but based on what I recall last time I read it, that likely isn't an option with EGS (Grace already defeated her personal main villain, nothing came of alternate dimension Ted and overall the lack of real conflict in lieu of anticlimaxes, teen drama and weird transformation stuff is why I don't read it anymore). But you can still salvage the "hero goes to Equestria" premise: you just need to have said hero learn something about herself and preferably be involved in some kind of conflict over and above the getting back home thing.

Just put some thought into what you want Grace to do in Equestria and how she could learn something about herself from her adventure there.

I think everyone who wants to write a crossover should (hopefully re-) read The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (and the rest of the Chronicles of Narnia, really – The Voyage of the Dawn Treader especially), The Neverending Story and other similar things. In those, characters arrive in fantasy worlds and later return to their own, but they've changed and grown, and likely been embroiled in goings-on apart from "quest to return home". Even our own The End of Ponies provides good examples of the realistic goal-shifting you need to make a crossover like this actually be worthwhile. Oh, and Samurai Jack as well. Be a pretty short, boring show if he just jumped in the first portal to the past he came across.
>> No. 121316
>>121191
>>121189

I missed one more idea, one that I'm actually quite happy with and would like to write.

=====================

The way I see it, there's pretty much no way changelings are "drones" to Queen Chrysalis. In order to "feed on" love, they have to be smart enough to convincingly pass as ponies.

As such, at least in this ficciverse, it's not only possible but quite likely for changelings to grow attached to the ponies that they feed on. There are strict rules in place that try to circumvent this possibility, not only as a way to retain resources (a source of love is lost if a changeling decides to run off and go native) but as a way to protect the changelings themselves--the loyal changelings believe that it would be a terrible existence to never be able to drop the disguise and live among changelings who accept them for their true selves.

This changeling is one of those unfortunate souls who decided to try to live the life of a pony. Because the locations of hives must maintain absolutely secret, when a changeling goes AWOL then they know that they are never to return, under pain of death.

Changelings who run away from their hives actually tend to be very kind, likable members of their communities, because of their extreme love of social activity. Many of them manage to find satisfaction in this type of life, wearing the same disguise day in and day out until the pony that they wear as a shell becomes indistinguishable from the changeling underneath. What began as a parasitic relationship becomes a genuine bond of love and trust.

=======================
That's my background. The concept for the story from there is that the changeling in question has to deal with questions of sex, sexuality, and gender. It has no gender, after all, so it would have trouble truly "being" a gender. It might make some nasty faux pas by trying to entice the wrong mare or stallion into a homosexual experience.

It might reveal its true nature, and be accepted, except that nopony truly understands the fact that it has no gender. It might try to "be" one or the other, and find that it cannot.

I like this idea, but it has no plot. I could make it cloppy, but why? The concept is for other characters to have trouble accepting the way he is, but what STORY am I writing?
>> No. 121317
>>121265
>>121312
yup. Ezn captured what I meant pretty well; I haven't seen any EGS crossovers, but the general crossover formula is the biggest problem you'll face. As long as you've got some ideas that break from the overdone form, or you're okay with fitting into the standard model of HiE crossover fics, you should be good.
>> No. 121336
on a story about a character who has a slight case of psychosis who stumbles into Equestria and begins his quest to get back to his home
to get started i give you this pilot
and I need a name for the guy

note:this is in first person

I wake up.
the smell of bacon fills the air, or is it roasted mushrooms? Anyways, I try to get up, ignoring the busy streets below and the sound of hooves clopping and an occasional neighing sound from my window. Yesiree, it seems today was going to be another long and sh...wait, neighing? clopping? I stepped outside my window to get a better look at where I ended up. Even if I am insane, I still cannot believe my eyes
>> No. 121337
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>>121336

Actually, a very well-loved artist has done that exact thing in a tumblr blog.

Have a look.

>pic
>> No. 121340
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121340
>>121337
Well, that was... kinda harsh.

Anyway, I'd like to give you an idea I suggested to an Anon in the previous version of this thread (after it autosaged). After I suggested this, the Anon replied with his blessing to use the idea I'd come up with. I'd love to take this idea myself-- really, I would-- but I have far too many projects to work on right now. So here it is, for some lucky soul to claim:

First of all, the OP provided three traits for the protagonist of his story: being psychotic (which apparently stems from the fact that the OP is psychotic himself), being "a mad genius," and being athletic. I took these traits to what I saw as their logical conclusion: the character is a mad scientist.

The synopsis of the story is as follows, copypasta'd directly from the other thread: "The character (let's call him "Professor Pandemonium) has already conquered the world and laid its heroes to waste. He's got an army of robots working to maintain the world's governments and enforce his rule. He's completely victorious, and he's bored out of his mind. So Pandemonium invents the DouR [Dimensional or other universe [sic] Radical; the OP came up with the name] to find a new world to conquer or, at the very least, find someone new to talk to. Upon his arrival in Equestria, he is offered a kind hoof and a place to recover from the injuries he sustained from the fall [Pandemonium fell onto Celestia's balcony from a great height upon his arrival] by Celestia. However, Celestia is quickly possessed by some kind of demonic force from his world [unlocking her Molestia form] who's similarly bored and hoping to frame her. Pandemonium escapes and does battle with the possessed Celestia, aided by the Great and Powerful Trixie. The battle ends in a draw, and subsequently, Pandemonium and the demon go their separate ways. Pandemonium, vowing revenge on Celestia, begins to assemble a Legion of Doom, Equestrian Division to overthrow Celestia."

I thought the idea was too good to let go this quickly, so I'm just gonna drop it off here and hope somepony picks it up. If you'd like a creative consultant, though, I've left my email address up there. Feel free to contact me. Good luck.
>> No. 121359
>>121340
so, you want me to do something in the line of the dictator movie.
>> No. 121360
>>121337

That is fairly accurate.
>> No. 121361
>>121360
sigh.
KALIMA!!!!!! KALIMAA!!!!!
>> No. 121362
>>121360

Of course it is. Weaver is the best.
>> No. 121363
>>121362
are you done or will this end up being a 'kick the newfag in the testicles' thread?
>> No. 121364
>>121363

Newponies/newfriends are fine. I'm making fun of your idea.

A human going to Equestria perhaps the most cliche and reviled idea there is. Sometimes the human freaks out about it, sometimes he loves it, sometimes he just wants to go home, whatever--it's one of the few things that are just as universally hated as red and black alicorn OCs.
>> No. 121365
>>121364
well we never had an insane person, who takes this in pretty normally
kinda like that movie, 7 psychopaths
>> No. 121367
>>121359
I was thinking more along the lines of Pandemonium being a campy, over-the-top comic-book supervillain who got too successful. More Megamind than The Dictator, in other words. But hey, it's not my idea any more.
>> No. 121376
>>121365
Well, not to burst your bubble, but no, it's been done a lot of times. Psychosis, amnesia, some form of mental illness...

The problem, aside from it being overdone, is that it does nothing at all to help make said character relatable to the readers. The thing with OC-centric fics is that you can't start off with your OC taking front-and-centre - that needs to go to your plot, a gripping event that keeps the reader long enough for you to develop your character and endear/draw the reader to him/her. Having your OC be psychotic isn't relatable at all. Not only that, there's no contrast, so the reader takes the psychosis at face value and thinks, "Okay, what's next?" Quite often, the answer is a sheepish "Uhh... nothing".

There's a difference between having a relatable problem and having an unrelatable problem. Usually, the difference is that the former has a reason which is relatable - stress or heartbreak or what have you - which the reader can resonate with. Success is then when the reader starts thinking, "What if this reason happened to me?" followed by "What if I ended up like said character?" and before you know it, there they are, locked into your story.

Outright saying "Oh Cee McOhceeson is insane" would most likely earn you an "Okay, whatevs" followed by Ctrl+W.

Also, I know nothing of writing OC-centric fics, although I have turned BG ponies into pretty OC-like characters with moderately successful results...
>> No. 121403
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121403
Here's a thought. Has anyone ever tried to explain how magic works in your fics?

My brain likes to come up with these explanations of why and how things work. It's not really a good thing because i tend to then create walls of text explaining it and apparently no one but me seems to like that kind of writing.

Anyway just thought I'd drop this off. If people like it they can use it long as i receive credit in the form of goat sacrifices... i mean... cake...

What I came up with is that all living things have magic energy. There is also ribbons of world magic energy that wrap around the planet. while all things have magic energy inside, unicorns can access it. They use their horn as a focusing agent. Magic spells are preformed by using a spark of inner magic to manipulate the world magic. The bigger the spell the larger the spark.

Another thing I thought up was twilight's rage form. Magic is controlled through focus and emotions. if a unicorn gets angry their magic leaks out mixing with world magic and taking an effect based on the unicorns personality.

So just out of curiosity, what would be the effects of some of the other unicorns rage forms? I came up with one for my character that consisted of a 2 foot radius of gravitational pressure, representing his high standards for himself.

So what do you think? This is labeled as a discussion thread, so let's discuss.
>> No. 121455
>>119870

Crap...

Should I repost my story idea since it's only on V7, or should I leave it there?
>> No. 121462
has anyone tried to mix an edgar allan poe story with ponies?
Preferrably, the mask of the red death.
>> No. 121466
>>121462
Long time ago, someone combined a couple of stories into something called "Rarity's boutique Expansion project", and it generated the only time I have ever seen anyone do a proper literary analysis of a fanfic. I believe he mentioned that one, amongst a bunch of other stories which he pointed had clear influences, some which were a bit harder to see, and even made a case of why this was original due to the portrayal of the character. Then he said it was terrible, mentioned a couple of grammatical errors, and then said it could be much better if it was rewritten and replanned.

Thread died ages ago.
>> No. 121468
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121468
>>121312
>>121317
Oh, well no problems then. Not only am I actually just writing this for fun and have no goal whatsoever past a brief moment on Fimfiction's feature box, but I have an entire subplot written into the framework of the story. It might even hit the dark tag at some point, but hopefully I won't have to take it that far.
>> No. 121479
Alright, for the sake of this page, I'm reposting my idea that I've got planned.

It involves the origins of Equis and the fall of the First Civilization. I've always seen Equestria as something that was never as it first appeared, like it hid something far darker than Discord, Nightmare Moon or Chrysalis.

That said, I'm looking for an editor for what I hope to be my Magnum Opus. I'm looking for someone that has a discerning eye, and can find ways to help improve the story.

Also, I would love your input on my idea. Just don't steal it. I WILL UNLEASH PINKAMINA IF YOU DO.
>> No. 121482
>>121479
1.) This is a free service provided by people who, for the most part, are only comparably better than you rather than actually better. Take a look down to see what I mean. Even the pre-readers are less 'literati with a pony hobby' and more of 'very eager pony hobbyist that happen to like writing'. When you ask for editing here, most people aren't simply up to the task, and the small number who are aren't all that good at it.

2.) Even if people here – and elsewhere, less you find someone with years of English study, or editing, or writing under their belt and you pay them – who might be more suited for this are doing things for the fun of it, which means that they will only really want to help if they feel they are getting some happiness of the thing. Work doesn't really make anyone happy.

3.) Editing is a lot of work. You can't begin to imagine how much time and effort actual editors put into simple articles in magazine, and let us not talk of the editors that do it for books. For someone to be willing to edit, because of the two above, they must see something which show a lot of promise, someone who shows they can handle the stress and pain of the task, and more importantly a project they won't end up trying to murder someone over.

4.) This the big one: you haven't told anyone anything about the project that actually matters. Most don't have any idea who you are. All in all, you are currently a big gamble which could lead to mere hours, or a good amount of days, or worse yet a couple of months of work going down the drain. If you want help, you might want to get the generic help of the review threads, because in here you need to show quite a lot of spine to get a personal editor.

That's all, have a happy day.
>> No. 121483
>>121479
a sort of historic look into how ponies became a master race, how different animal civilization appeared, and how different dictators and rulers ruled equestria with either an iron fist or a benevolent open hand

sounds interesting
>> No. 121484
>>121482

Hm... fair point. So, just to set the record straight, here's what I should do in response to your reasoning.

If I'm searching for an editor, I should most likely check the boards of a site that is full of them.

I should build a rep here before trying to get noticed, and I should provide more details of my fiction idea for one's opinion.


Well, guess I'm outta here. I know this is a nice website, but the fanfiction world is my writing training ground. I've still got fimfiction, but thank you for the advice anyway. Do look me up on fimfiction. I go by the name that I've posted, just without the area in parenthesis.
>> No. 121485
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121485
>>121403
Soo would no comments about this be a good or bad thing?
>> No. 121486
>>121484
>>121484
Well, yeah, you should check a board full of editors, because /fic/ isn't full of them, we have reviewers here, which sometimes act like editors but not quite to the necessary level.

Yes, you should built a rep before people go about trying to help you personally, as just about everyone in the fandom that got an editor did.

And yeah, if you don't talk about your idea to someone, they aren't likely to help you.

So long, and thanks for all the fish. I don't think fimfiction will have what you are looking for either, but I guess weirder things have happened.
>> No. 121487
>>121403
>>121485
It sounds interesting and I wouldn't know where to being to discuss because you are just going 'here is my fic idea, debate me'. I'm not sure what to say after that, sounds good but beyond that I can't see much of a discussion about your idea of how magic works.
>> No. 121488
>>121487
Mostly I was wondering about the rage forms. Like what form would Rarity's inner magic take if she got really really pissed? Just wanted to see what other people could come up with.
>> No. 121741
Here's a random-ass question.

I want to know about the audition process for a play. Do the director, choreographer, etc. talk about you behind your back once you leave, before the next person's called in? What kind of discussion goes on while they deliberate on who gets what part?

And how about the process for rehearsals? What kind of approach is usually taken as far as teaching everyone their parts, what's the process and the principles behind it?
>> No. 121767
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121767
>>121741
>Do the director, choreographer, etc. talk about you behind your back once you leave, before the next person's called in? What kind of discussion goes on while they deliberate on who gets what part?
If I had to guess, I'd say inevitably, yes. It's the position of power and the feeling that you have to slog through a list of candidates that does it. Nothing beyond "Hey, he was pretty good" or "I don't like him" or "His voice sounds whiny" - surface-level things, but you can be sure that they'd be taking notes if there are notes worth taking. I don't actually know what it's like for theatre circles, but I've done interviews as a leaving debate team member looking for someone to pass the mantle on to.

If you're asking this because you want to write a director/choreographer, then I'd say go for a personality profile as such: someone who overall likes what he does, but just happens to be increasingly bored at the time of focus, because as much as you can like doing something, you will get sick of it at certain times. So you'd have that mix of enthusiasm, appreciation for talent, and tiredness showing through.

>And how about the process for rehearsals? What kind of approach is usually taken as far as teaching everyone their parts, what's the process and the principles behind it?
Depends on how strong the director's vision is, and how much he wants to enforce it compared to his actors' own interpretation of the script. This I have slightly more experience with, from being in a band. Usually we don't infringe upon each other's takes too much unless it really doesn't fit, but then again we were just some band. If you fix your director's assertiveness/passion/such factors, and let them play out naturally, then that should work.

I mean, the fact that the actors managed to get their parts in the first place means that they must have some degree of skill, right? For them, the focus would be getting into character and getting used to each other's faces (harder than it seems). And then the director would reinforce that. But I'd say that the actors do most of the work themselves.

Again, I don't have credentials for this, but that's my two cents.
>> No. 122028
Got another random-ass question.

Part of what I'm doing involves characterizing a 40 year old woman livng in modern day, i.e. the fic takes place in 2012.

I haven't experienced being a middle aged woman yet so I don't know how to create a narrative voice for one. While she's not exactly crotchety, it is important that her age be portrayed--she is pointedly not young. My initial impulse is to write her with an ultra-casual, conversational tone, seeing as she's an ordinary white American suburban etc etc, but then I worry about making her seem young.
>> No. 122032
>>122028
Depends on her lifestyle, really, but the average 40 year old surburban woman would be quite picky about the state of her home, and would almost always be quite busy, as well as under way too much stress. I personally find age easier to state through simply stating it, but what do I know, I'm lazy.
>> No. 122043
>>122028
Have you tried picking someone that embodies that character type for you and "imagining" the narration in her words? It's what voice actors do when they go into a session cold. Might make it easier.
>> No. 122045
>>122043

My mom's not close enough to a "typical" white woman for me to draw on her, and I swear it has nothing to do with her not being white. Okay, maybe a little.

What I'm starting to settle on is striking a balance between conversational (i.e. modern, slightly young at heart) vs. worldly, grounded, and judgmental (i.e. has been a responsible adult for a while.)

I am having real trouble finding that person's voice. Maybe it'll be easier once I get started.
>> No. 122188
There's a story I've been wanting to write as a (long belated) birthday gift to my friend centering on Twilight Sparkle, his favorite character.

I realized that with S3 coming in very soon, there could be changes in the new eps to the canon, particularly involving her loved ones (Shining, Cadance, etc.) that would ruin my interpretation of her, so I've decided to wait until S3 is over, which he agrees with.

Unfortunately, I've noticed apparently Trixie is coming back (as maybe an antagonist) in the next season, which is supposedly going to air next month. I was going to have Trixie be a supporting character in the Twilight story with some background/history that I came up with that the new season might render invalid.

As a result, I've decided to write Trixie's part of the story as a short story/oneshot, which, after mulling it over in my head a bit, would make a good short story. I'm wanting to complete it before S3 comes out, but would it be worth it?

I intend to portray Trixie as far from villainous. I'm aware there's countless sympathy/redemption fics out there for her (which is sort of the theme/genre I'm looking for), but I believe my plans for her will distinguish her from what she's commonly seen as.
>> No. 122194
>>122188
Season 2 is over, but Season 1 style Woona still has a fair bit of popularity to her. Sure, most people will expect Season 2 style Luna in your fic, but with enough explaining, people will click that "oh right, this is Woona" within a paragraph or two. Same with any character that has multiple accepted names (Derpy/Ditzy, Carrot Top/Golden Harvest)

Just IMO, but I think people worry a bit too much about "new canon ruins my fic". Sure, new canon will become the majority opinion, but fanon has a lot of inertia to it.
>> No. 122198
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122198
>>122188
First off, it sounds like you've got a lot of heart going into that. That's the most important thing. Screw worrying and get it written, because, well, most important thing. But anyways.

>As a result, I've decided to write Trixie's part of the story as a short story/oneshot, which, after mulling it over in my head a bit, would make a good short story. I'm wanting to complete it before S3 comes out, but would it be worth it?
Why not? I mean, all writing is practice for next time, and there are plenty of fic writers who'll disregard S3, myself included, and I'm the one writing a 30+ chapter origins fic even though it's on hiatus.

>I intend to portray Trixie as far from villainous. I'm aware there's countless sympathy/redemption fics out there for her (which is sort of the theme/genre I'm looking for), but I believe my plans for her will distinguish her from what she's commonly seen as.
Okay, well, what are your plans then? Because, y'know, can't really encourage you (or, inversely, dissuade you) if we don't know what it is that you think will make your story stand out. But even then, the fact that you're writing this for one person will help you more than a good idea can. Good ideas are plentiful, but having that warmth to write them isn't.
>> No. 122245
It's hard for me to describe exactly what I wanted to do with Trixie without spoiling the story, but I'll try my best to explain it.

First off, most of the fics I've seen with Trixie (some can be really good with this even) involve her ridiculously down-on-her-luck (homeless, indentured servitude, etc.), begging Twilight for forgiveness or vice versa, etc. However, mine won't really be involving any of that.

Secondly, it *may* seem pretty out of character, but I didn't want to portray her as the arrogant braggart she was made out to be in the show. I was thinking about it, and she showed up in only one episode, for about the course of one day. Does *anyone* really know *anyone* that well over the course of one day? I don't think so.

It's this that got me thinking as I rewatched "Bust Boasters" over and over that Trixie wasn't the snobbish jerk that she was displayed as, but that Twilight and her friends merely caught her on a very bad day.

While my take on Trixie *does* have some feelings of regret and sympathy towards Twilight, it's not enough to consume her life. What *does* do that is her regrets over her past.

In the story I was going to write about Twilight, I intended to portray a dichotomy between them; Trixie is, essentially, what Twilight would have become if she never had the supportive emotional anchors onto her joy she's had throughout her life (the mane six, Spike, Celestia, etc.). Where Twilight has always had at least *someone* there for her, Trixie was much less fortunate.

In my story, Trixie isn't arrogant or boastful at all -- it's just an act. She's actually very modest, like Twilight was in "Boast Busters" -- suffering from low self-esteem, even. However, she's not putting this act up to prove anything to herself, or make others think better of her -- it's a promise to a late friend, who always thought great things of Trixie, encouraging her to have confidence in herself and recognize her full potential.

She feels compelled to keep acting out this lie of bravado, all the while never believing in it herself and hating herself for how she feels it makes her come off to other ponies. In addition, she is deeply noble and kind, originally motivated to perform as an entertainer to distract her fellow citizens from the meager and hard quality of life their town was suffering.

A routine on her performances would be an inversion of what she did in "Boast Busters". Rather than humiliate, compete with, or "outdo" the onlookers, she would use her magical abilities to seek out members of the audience who, like herself, lacked conviction in themselves.

She would then bring them on stage as a volunteer, and search the deepest corners of their hearts for their most passionate talent, and then conjure what was necessary to assist them in showing it to the world (i.e; conjuring up a violin for a gifted violinist, allowing him to play while assisting with numerous additional conjured instruments, and causing the audience to experience synesthesia for the duration, seeing and tasting and feeling the beauty of the music in addition to hearing).

It was her way of showing her audiences that "magic exists in everypony, everywhere", and that "you just have to look deep enough". A constant irony is that she would go out of her way to improve the self-esteem of those she could empathize with, while deliberately neglecting her own confidence in the process, often privately rejecting praise and compliments she received as she refused to believe they were true. Her ongoing goal was to convince them all, even for a few minutes, that life and the world were a beautiful, wonderful adventure, free of suffering and sorrow; the kind of place she always wanted to be, but could never find. A fairytale.

This Trixie is alive, but feels dead. She struggles to fulfill the (what is to her) impossible task of living confidently and happily after the passing of her friend, and is constantly haunted by her shame, guilt, and grief, making a recluse of herself in an effort to spare ponies from being exposed to her gradually colder demeanor.

After continuing to perform so many shows in honor of her friend, she is tired of living the lie, both out of how falsified her onstage attitude is and how torn she is from feeling she's lying to and betraying her friend. She decides that rather than continue this lie shamefully and dishonestly, she'd prefer retiring at a young age, managing to save much from her earnings as her depression and low self-esteem drove her to accept frugal living conditions instead of capitalizing on all her desires.

She is a Trixie who has forgotten how to smile, or laugh, or dream, whose aspirations died with her friend, who surrenders to the doubts she held about herself all of her life. But as she spends the night planning out her retirement to Canterlot, she can't escape imagining what her life would be like if her friend were still alive, and what she would do if she could see her again.

Tormented by the emotional agony, she begs out to her for one last chance to make things right, only for an ironic offer to literally knock on her door. It's a desperate request, a favor, a daunting task that will pave the way to whether or not she can ever return to a semblance of the Trixie she once was.

That's the basic, most non-spoilery gist of how I wanted to write her.
>> No. 122248
>>122245
"Boast Busters"* Ah, my gosh, I can't believe I mispelled it as "Bust Boasters". I'm so sorry. X'D
>> No. 122378
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>>122245
Okay... well, unlike you, imo Trixie's pretty much cemented as an arrogant character, because there's no proof to say otherwise - rather, any other interpretation would require additional information which the show has not given, is thus a further jump in logic, and thus less acceptable than the default. That's what you'll have to work to overcome for readers such as me - but then again you're not writing for readers such as me per se. Any idea can be pulled off, though, as long as the execution's right. For backstories, character is a result of previous experiences; the more distant one characterization is from the other, the more experiences, and the stronger, you'll need to justify it. The biggest problem I can foresee is readers not being able to be invested in the events that lead up to her resultant characterization. It's pretty hard to make things like that interesting without some sort of epic action (like Bleach for example - take away the swords and Ceros, and you have Ichigo screaming "I want to protect everyone" for 10-, 20-chapter arcs, which isn't very interesting at all). That's pretty much all I can give you in terms of general advice - as to what those events would be, and how many of them to have, that's going to be your call. All the best! I hope it helps.
>> No. 122386
>>122378
Thank you for responding with your honest opinion. I was sure people weren't going to like it, as I've seen many stories readily embrace Trixie's arrogance with affection. I guess I just found it difficult to be sympathetic towards her the way she was portrayed, and tried to come up with my own reasons for why she acted that way.

I'm also sure season 3 will continue to show her as arrogant if she indeed does return as signs point to that -- which is part of what got me worried.

Also, I apologize if *I* ever came off as arrogant while putting forth this idea; I didn't really realize it before, but in my last few posts I probably unintentionally sounded like I had a "this has to work!!!" attitude, but I chalk that up to me experiencing insomnia the last few weeks, which I'm definitely not used to. I don't think my idea for Trixie is superior to any fic I've seen of her -- it's just something that I personally never saw done before, so I got excited because I thought it was an original idea.

Furthermore, this is just me, but, revisiting my point of her being around for just one episode and about one day (and thus possibly having more to her than FIM might have shown), basing Trixie just on her appearance in "Boast Busters" (which, yes, if her only canon appearance ever) is about the equivalent of seeing Twilight only in "Lesson Zero" and then never seeing her ever again. Not the most pleasant (or accurate) impression one could get of someone -- but again, maybe I'm just being silly.

I might also have failed to mention it, but I meant to write the short story for Trixie in a manner that was both a prequel and a sequel to "Boast Busters" -- specifically an origin story of sorts for Trixie (explaining where she got her stage name, her hat and cape, and other things I mentioned in my previous post) as well as a, well, "redeeming" (for her in just a very personal, internal sense) adventure for her.

I'll still pour everything I can into it, since I personally love the idea and tried hard to put a lot of thought into it. For the record, I'm normally 100% all for portraying characters as in-character, FIM or anywhere, but this just interested me too much to ignore. Maybe I'll be better off using an alternate universe tag, I don't know.
>> No. 122390
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122390
>>122386
>I'll still pour everything I can into it,
>since I personally love the idea and tried hard to put a lot of thought into it.
That's pretty much all you need. Again, execution. And no, you didn't come across as arrogant at all. You're writing it for a good reason, and I'd like for you to succeed. As long as you don't rush Trixie's development, you should be golden.
>> No. 122496
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122496
This is an idea that has probably been used a lot by now since "Baby Cakes" aired, but I tend to never read other fics.

I've had an idea where the Cake twins go to different schools as teens or young adults. There's supposed to be two separate storylines in the story, told through third-person, with Pumpkin and Pound dealing with their own conflicts. I already decided that Pound will be going to the same flying school as RD, but I'm not sure what/where magic or unicorn school for Pumpkin. Twilight and Rainbow Dash could make an appearance, maybe Scootaloo, because of her "late(idk)" flying skills.

At the moment, I seem to have Pound's story more figured out than Pumpkin's. His reckless behavior seen in the show gets him into trouble with a closet-homosexual bully. A race leading to two physical fights between them gets Pound expelled from school towards the end of the story.
As for Pumpkin, I've come up with two problems for her and that's a teacher who turns out to be a pedophile, and trying to sympathize with a suicidal kid who's bullied a lot. I could use some help with Pumpkin's storyline, how her personality can be revealed as it didn't seem as obvious as Pound's. I don't know about the side characters in her story, whether it should just be one friend or multiple classmates.
Another thing I could do is completely ignore Pumpkin and just have Pound star in the story, but the two go see each other twice in the story and I don't want the other to look like they were just there for the cameo.

I'm not going to put some huge climax for the end of the story, I'll just have the twins meet each other after all their problems finally ended and decide to just call it a day. I don't know any ending for any movie/book that can relate to it, maybe The Big Lebowski, with the "The Dude lives on" theme.

Also, if there's ever a title for this, it shouldn't be something corny like "Cake School Tales" or some shit.
>> No. 122507
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122507
So here's something I've thought of ever since I've read "A Night in the Haunted Mansion."

The gist of it is, after the royal wedding, the Mane Six take a hike on a strange mountain after the train back to Ponyville breaks down mid-trip. But instead of it being them just going through the ride like in the "Haunted Mansion" fic I read, they actually interact with all the characters from the ride's story.

I also plan on writing a second chapter where the talking critters from Splash Mountain, along with Uncle Remus, visit Ponyville.

For those of you who don't know who Uncle Remus is here's a quick Disney history lesson; Splash Mountain is based on a 1946 film titled "Song of the South" which is set in the aftermath of the Civil War. In this film, a former slave lovingly known as Uncle Remus meets a little white boy named Johnny, who is distraught after his father leaves him with his mother on his grandmother's plantation. Uncle Remus sees that Johnny is troubled so he tells him tales about Brer Rabbit that also teach him life lessons. These tales is where the characters of Splash Mountain and its story come from.

Now I love the movie even though you can't legally get it here in the U.S. due to racial controversy surrounding it, and I love Uncle Remus as a character, so I thought I'd include him in my story too.

Tell me what you think.
>> No. 122508
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122508
>>122507
<Risky, thanks to the aforementioned racial senstitivity.>

<I for one approve, though; I loved Song of the South.>
>> No. 122509
>>122508
Yeah I know its a little risky, but that's why I'm focusing on the ride that came from it instead of directly on the movie
>> No. 122514
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122514
>>122507

I think I might remember that Haunted Mansion fic you mentioned. The Mansion is my other great love, other than ponies, so I was... kind of disappointed, to be honest.

Anyways, I do know that Brer Frog in Splash Mountain is supposed to be Uncle Remus. You can still use Uncle Remus if you want, but I feel like a talking frog in Equestria would be a bit more interesting than another human. Plus, maybe you'd avoid any potential awkwardness, because I think the racial sensitivity was because some people saw Uncle Remus as too much of a stereotype.

And, of course, "character X ends up in Equestria" is not a hook. You need some kind of conflict. Splash Mountain/Song of the South has a pretty good one between Brer Rabbit and Brer Fox, so do something with that instead of just having the characters meet up and hang out.
>> No. 122518
>>122514
Thanks for the suggestion, but I already have a backstory going as to how Remus got to Splash Mountain, and Brer Frog will be in the story also, just not as a replacement Remus. So I guess you could say I'm taking some chances while writing this.
>> No. 122576
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122576
So small question, is there like an actual date i can use for Twilight's birthday? I can make one up of course, but i would really like to use a date that means something.

>Pic was the closest thing to birthdays i could find.
>> No. 122587
>>122576
How about October 5th?
>> No. 122591
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122591
>>122576
I would put it somewhere in the summer, and the reason being is this: What usually happens on your birthday? you may receive a gift or a surprise. Twilight might have been given a surprise on her birthday that she was being enrolled in the Gifted Unicorn program, which would have taken place over the summer, since Twilight was never shown in any form of school at the time she received the gift. At the same time, this is assuming that their education system works the same way ours does. It's just food for thought. If you want a date that actually means something, this might be your best bet, making up a date that identifies with an important part of her life.
>> No. 123331
Guys.

Guys.

A crossover.

The Room-FiM crossover.
>> No. 123332
>>123331
Oh, Lord...
You knock yourself out with that one, buddy.
>> No. 123333
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123333
Hello Forge! Its DB here but I have a fic I've been picking at. Its a first person adventure story featuring Filthy rich and an OC named jelani. It starts as him slowly going into poverty. I wanted it to be so he would meet jelani again and do troublesome things for easy money. Eventually twilight notices these things and becomes the antagonist. I dunno friends, what do you think?

Chapter1:https://docs.google.com/document/d/19IZ3PLmiQDqovbJVzpLViZWke846YJdVS_1sn1a3c5Y/edit

Thank you for your time!
>> No. 123351
>>123333
That's not actually what this thread is for. If you're interested, though, I'd be willing to take a look at it for you over here: >>121510
>> No. 123475
Stop me if you’ve seen this before.

Hearts and Hooves day, who here remembers that episode?

Now, who remembers the whole "love potion/poison" incident that supposedly happened all those years ago with a prince? You know, the one that decimated an entire kingdom?

Three words: It involved Cadence.

Think about it for a minute. What could have happened is that there was this pony she desperately loved, so she went out of her limits to get the same sort of affection back. She tried to force him to love her, to incredibly disastrous results.

Maybe it can start not long after the events of the Season 2 finale, her remembering this heartbreaking event that occurred in her life even as she tries to move forward. It could have been the reason that she never tries to force love to this day, instead just bringing it to the surface more. She doesn't ever wish to hurt someone else, or herself, like that again.

Also, since she's an alicorn, who says Shining is the first stallion she's ever had? Or the last? He’ll die before she ever forms a wrinkle. The deity in charge of love could have had husbands throughout the ages; it would simply be a part of her nature. She cared them all fiercely, up to their dying breaths, but that doesn't make it any easier for her that she is guaranteed to outlive every single one of them.

Including Shining Armor. And Twilight Sparkle.

Someone make this happen because if we depend on me making such a heart-wrenching tale, I imagine it will turn very laughable, very quick.
>> No. 123886
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123886
I want to apologize in advance if I'm not posting in the correct format. The format of this is confusing me and I'm not entirely sure how the permalink works. If I've groked it right I post it here and then link to my post in the queue form.

So I'm thinking of trying to write a sword and sorcery story set in Equestria. I'm in the early stages right now. Pretty much just brainstorming at the moment. My main inspirations right now are pulp writers like Clark Ashton Smith, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Robert E Howard and various trashy s&s movies.

the cycle of civilization. A common idea in s&s it's one of the themes that separates it from other types of fantasy. The idea is that civilizations go through cycles of rising and falling. This is also usually somehow tied to racial degeneracy. Man starts in a stage of brutal fighting, killing each other for pleasure and greed. With the rise of morality, honor is created putting man in the barbarian stage. Civilization rises, generally representing noble ideals and the elevation of man spiritually. The civilization after its golden age starts to crumble. It's own success breeds corruption, both moral and political. The corruption eventually causes the downfall of the civilization and a reversion to savagery.

This relates to the story as I'm thinking of setting Equestria as a late civilization. Past its prime, the cracks are starting to appear in society foreshadowing its implosion. Maybe the return of Luna raising the moon can symbolize the coming return of a past barbaric age. I want to set it perhaps in a criminal underworld of Canterlot in the mold of Lankhmar.

Perhaps the villains can be part of some cult that seeks to tear down Celestia. Maybe they're the inbred descendants of agents who worked for Luna before her banishment. This could tie into a common theme of s&s of religion being a tool of oppression, a source of power and being a source of corruption. It's no coincidence that virtually all s&s protagonists are either atheists, skeptics or hold a simple non doctrinal faith.

I'm thinking this cycle of civilization shouldn't be something that can be stopped. The ponies can only hope to slow the crumbling of Equestrian society, not stop it. They shouldn't magically solve every problem since that would kill the mood I'm thinking of.

Maybe I can have the characters go into the everfree forest. It's wild, free and would provide a good counterpoint to the civilized areas around it. Perhaps I could have wild tribes of ponies.

Thematically I'm thinking of implementing the ideas of a cycle of civilization, the contrast of barbarianism and civilization, and the slow collapse of a successful civilization. A smaller theme perhaps would be the role of religion in society.

One theme I love about s&s is that the protagonists are defined by a central contradiction which is never resolved. A great example of this is the character of Conan. He is defined by a contradiction of barbarianism and civilization which is never resolved. This doesn't mean character growth doesn't happen though. During the stories his rise from being a raider to a king means that the competing interests of selfish rugged individualism(the virtues of barbariansim) and sacrifice for the good of others(the virtue of civilization) become intensified as he ages. I've always liked the idea of the central contradiction not being resolved but instead mutated and intensified. Because of this I'm thinking Rarity might be the best fit for the main character for three reasons. 1) She most easily fits the idea of a contradictory character. 2) She's a roguish manipulative type which would be fun to write and 3) Rarity is best pony.

I'm hoping for feedback on my ideas presented thus far, any feedback on tying the themes I've presented into the story, any cool ideas people have and help getting the sort of atmosphere I would like. For the atmosphere I want something that's brutal, mysterious and full of both cosmic horror and swashbuckling heroics. Something that would imply brave but questionable heroes carving a niche in a dark, past its prime and crumbling world.
>> No. 123993
So guys I think I’m gonna write an erotic fanfiction where Rarity, after being asked by a sick AppleJack to help with the harvest, has a whirlwind romance with Big Macintosh with everything described in lurid, graphic detail. I’ll call it 50 Shades of Pony.
>> No. 123994
>>123993
Ohhh, I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid the punchline was 50 Shades of Hay. But you'll still walk away with the following wonderful prizes...
>> No. 123995
We would have also accepted 50 Shades of Neigh, but thanks for playing.
>> No. 124039
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/106451.html#117153

I wrote this idea a while back, and I've fallen in love with it. The problem is that I'm fuzzy on a lot of the details and I need to make this story work. The big mystery, for starters.

Could anypony help me?
>> No. 124043
File 135196868066.gif - (1.56MB , 312x278 , 134986502233.gif )
124043
>>124039
Well, I've never been good at actually fleshing out ideas, just coming up with the thing that would make it really "pop". Still, I can offer a few suggestions.

If you feel that the villain is Blueblood, do it. Remember, he's rich and powerful; he doesn't need to get his hooves dirty when he can buy every ne'er do well (in fact, there should be an arc with a doppelganger of Dash named that, trying to slander her name) within ten-thousand leagues. When Dash catches him it can be a heavenly curb-stomping of karmic justice.

The big conspiracy could be a burgeoning trade of poison joke. This would also offer the chance to have some "laugh gas" instead of "fear gas" (like in Batman Begins), along with a Scarecrow expy. How this would tie into Celestia isn't quite clear to me, but you could play off of the Trollestia angle to explain it.

Honestly, I'd suggest dumping the canon tie-and-diverge and make this as AU as you're okay with. It would really free up your horizon and the whole reconciliation bit sounded rather dull. Also, Scootaloo as wannabe sidekick with Twilight as the butler. Fluttershy could make for a good Poison Ivy, Pinkie would fill the aforementioned role of Scarecrow, Applejack Two-Face (she tells no half-truths, her reply is either purely true or entirely false). Not sure what to do with Rarity.

Also, eww, shipping.
>> No. 124051
>Honestly, I'd suggest dumping the canon tie-and-diverge and make this as AU as you're okay with. It would really free up your horizon and the whole reconciliation bit sounded rather dull. Also, Scootaloo as wannabe sidekick with Twilight as the butler. Fluttershy could make for a good Poison Ivy, Pinkie would fill the aforementioned role of Scarecrow, Applejack Two-Face (she tells no half-truths, her reply is either purely true or entirely false). Not sure what to do with Rarity.

Also, eww, shipping.

Can you elaborate more on this? I don't want to make this "Batman, but with ponies". It should still be about these characters in their universe learning about friendship, being as this is meant to explore Dash's character. I don't know if I can work Scootaloo in there, but it's a good idea. I actually see Twilight as combining the typical Robin and Batgirl roles...

>. Fluttershy could make for a good Poison Ivy, Pinkie would fill the aforementioned role of Scarecrow, Applejack Two-Face (she tells no half-truths, her reply is either purely true or entirely false). Not sure what to do with Rarity.

Huh?
>> No. 124064
>>124051
Well, fanon casts Scootaloo as an orphan, which is pretty fitting for Robin seeing as that's how he ends up joining Batman.

Hmm, that's how I would do it, but if you don't want an adaption then I'm not sure how much help I can be. I've never been particularly talented in the realm of canon interactions. Perhaps your mysterious evil could be corrupting (a la Discord) the main cast and Dash has to remind them of their true selves? I'm really just trying to come up with ways to make a stable (pun not intended) of villains for Dash to battle against since mooks can only sustain the story for so long.
>> No. 124068
>>124064

The basic idea of the story is Rainbow Dash reacting to TMMDW realistically: she feels betrayed and heartbroken, so she runs away. Under the influence of an idol who doesn't think much of friendship, one of the Batman type characters, she starts to become bitter.

"Rainbow Dash, similarly to how Batman took the bat and made it his own, makes Mare-Do-Well her own, a personal symbol about betrayal and the failure of friendship."

Rainbow Dash stops believing in loyalty, basically. The story is about a sometimes cheesy, sometimes dark Batman parody, sure, but it's also about Rainbow Dash's relationship with her friends, and how it is mended. It's also about identity. Who is Rainbow without her friends? What makes Rainbow Dash Rainbow Dash other than her loyalty?

Dash doesn't want to be friends with them anymore, but at the same time, her heart aches for it. That push and pull drives the story, especially where Applejack is concerned. AJ is too stubborn to admit she was wrong, and in part, she actually believes what they did was right. Even if Dash wanted to push past things and move on, she can't, because she doesn't want to be friends with ponies who think it's okay to hurt her like that--and would again.

It's understandable that everyone acts the way they do, even if it's tragic. There doesn't need to be a discord, and Dash doesn't need to remind them of their true selves. The real villain of the piece is the main six - Dash, and Dash would be justified in not wanting to hang out with them ever again. Who they are is the problem. Their "true selves" are the issue. But at the end, everyone does mend those relationships and grow as characters.
>> No. 124072
>>124068

Or perhaps it's just loyalty in her friends. She loses them for being a hero, so she pushes herself to be a hero out of retaliation, growing loyal to her city.

But in any case, those themes couldn't be present in a AU Batman parody.
>> No. 124080
File 135198295706.png - (560.63KB , 900x506 , fluttershy_and_totoro_by_samuellassassin-d4oue6g.png )
124080
Hi everyone. I have a few things to say, but first, the list of ideas/requests with no replies:
>>106065>>114164>>117174>>118821>>119731

For those of you who don't know, the Story Idea General now lives on mlpchan as well as here:
http://mlpchan.net/fic/res/49.html
I adjusted the spreadsheet so that it should work more smoothly with permalinks from either imageboard. Additionally, I moved the filters to a different sheet so that custodial work should be easier. Furthermore, I added a redundant list with post numbers only, for easier Ctrl-C & Ctrl-F, and separate filtered lists for each imageboard.
>> No. 124130
>>119870

A magical accident causes Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle to fuse with each other.

The story would dealt with the implications of the birth of what would be Equestria's most powerful unicorn ever. How he (male) adjusts to his new life and the relationship issues steaming from it, as each of the siblings had their own significant pony.
>> No. 124145
File 135204433721.jpg - (139.77KB , 850x1100 , mousetail.jpg )
124145
>>114164
Depends on whether the characters are their actual human selves, or ponified. If ponified, I suppose you'll just have to change the names. If human, though, keep them intact.

That much being said, it kinda irritates me when people ponify every little thing, and song names go under that category. = That's just my personal preferences, mind. And if you're doing the actual humans, you've got that whole "using real people in fiction, fan or otherwise, is illegal" thing going on...

>>117174
>If it comes off as LOLSORANDOM, then I've failed
'fraid you failed at the first line, then, son.

Well, the deliberate lack of italics to distinguish between narration and thought does exactly that. I can't fault you for not using italics, because it feels better without them, but I'll just say anyways that your dialogue and prose are hard to distinguish.

It reminds me of HHHHHHH, which is the literary equivalent of an acid trip. It's a Harry Potter fanfic, and it may do you good to look it up - it's short and quick and actually pretty darn hilarious. You might even find inspiration.

Well, confusion aside, there's actually some merit to your content, inasmuch as said merit is the merit of a piece of moldy cheese eaten not for the cheese but for the mold, if you get my drift.

And yes, I understood what "grating cheese" meant. It's a clever little tic, but not something that could be taken seriously in any seriousness.

>>118821
Well, it doesn't sound like an idea you can extend. I think the main selling point would be the atmosphere you create; if you could make something that the reader can sympathize with, on account of it being so similar to actual everyday life, the ending would score pretty well in terms of delivery. It's creepypasta, and would be done well if written as such.

>>119731
To be honest, if you're going to change the canon characters' personalities entirely, why not just use OCs? That way you avoid the bad taste of "canon character shaped to my needs", and you get more freedom with what you want to do with them. If you must have them be canon, then have them be canon, but only mention it in passing - like, for instance, they've changed their names, and have now adopted a different identity. They certainly sound like the type of ponies who would.

And, well, you don't really earn a lot of brownie points for not giving your characters names, because it gives the reader one less handle to identify with. A name is the first defining feature of a character, even when that name is "I". And, well, if the three have interchangeable personalities, I'd suggest that that would be either too fluffy or too preachy, too aloof, because they cease to become characters and end up puppets, and puppets are driven by an external force. Sure, characters are too, but characters seem like they do it because they want to. Having three similar characters lampshades the fact that someone's pulling the strings.

I don't think I could really say more than that. This sounds like the kind of story that relies on atmosphere more than plot, and for that I'd have to examine execution rather than concept. So, with regards to your question: shoehorning canon characters generally don't go down too well. But you're always welcome to try, and you very well may succeed.

>>106065 remains, because I'm not familiar with TCB.
>> No. 124228
File 135208953981.jpg - (131.75KB , 300x2000 , dundundun.jpg )
124228
>>124130
>The story would dealt with the implications of the birth of what would be Equestria's most powerful unicorn ever.
Haha, not really, no.

I mean, this is your hook:
>A magical accident causes Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle to fuse with each other.
I'd advise you to consider instead the comedy aspect of this. If you have siblings, you'd know what sibling awkwardness is, and your scenario lets it play out to new heights. Twilight being adorkable and Shining perhaps having, ehm, secrets would lead to a lot of humorous conflicts. And then there's the whole thing with Cadance, and, y'know, married life, and all the implications of that too. And the fact that Twilight spends a lot of time with five other mares, time which Shining would now also have to do, resulting in maybe jealousy, so on, so forth...

The power issue isn't really as delicious, I feel, because if people wanted a "the most powerful unicorn ever" fic, they'd write their own. We usually call them Gary Stus.

>How he (male) adjusts to his new life and the relationship issues steaming from it, as each of the siblings had their own significant pony.
This would be a lot better, as previously mentioned. And if you do it right, you can even clinch a heartwarmer end to great effect.
>> No. 124290
>>124228

So I ditch the other angle and make this a comedy?

Could work, good point.
>> No. 124291
>>124228

>a fic about the most powerful unicorn ever

I wanted to write this. There are two directions:

First: After the events of the wedding, Twilight has started to withdraw. She only sees her friends on weekly playdates or whatever, and even then everypony is starting to notice the way she doesn't talk much and kind of keeps to herself. She'a also started to develop a disturbing "control freak" issue where she needs to catalogue and organize absolutely everything in her life, and becomes very upset if things don't go according to plan.

Somepony approaches her about it--I'm seeing AJ or Rarity--thinking it's because of the changeling attack. She tries very hard to tell them it's nothing, but AJ/Rarity is sharp enough to see that it's a lie.

Turns out the entire reason why Twilight loves organization is because she's afraid of herself and sees it as a way of keeping control over her world. The entire reason why she didn't have friends is because she subconsciously didn't trust herself to be around other ponies. She's convinced herself that she's just shy and prefers to keep to herself, and everypony else believes it too, but secretly there's a nagging voice in a forgotten corner of her brain telling her that one slip-up could result in her accidentally killing them all. Maybe she had a close call in the early days of magic kindergarten. Maybe it was more than a close call, and somepony got hurt.

Having to fight for her life against an army of changelings, seeing the power her brother is capable of, etc. brought it all back. Now she's doing all that she can to hide it from her friends, fighting an internal struggle to bring back that sense of control while not pushing her five closest friends away.
>> No. 124292
Oh, the other angle when talking about "the limits of unicorn power."

Alicorn Twilight stories are often about immortality and succession and such. I wrote one, even. But how many are there that focus on the unimaginable, terrifying power of the Sun Goddess?

The concept of this--Princess Celestia is loved throughout the land. She has spent centuries cultivating this image--she is beautiful, not majestic; a Princess and not a Queen; a ruler and not a Goddess. They trust her, they are comforted and not intimidated by her presence.

All that changes when a threat looms that lacks the whimsy of Discord or the subtlety of Nightmare Moon. I don't know what this threat is, and it doesn't matter, because Princess Celestia doesn't just defeat them but slaughters them all with but a thought. Why was it so easy for Chrysalis to defeat Celestia? Because there is no setting between "unicorn magic" and "sun magic." The smallest spark of sun magic would have killed Chrysalis instantaneously, right in front of everypony.

Overnight, NLR fanon happens, not because Celestia changes the way she rules, but because the people turn to fear and obedience instead of love and trust.
>> No. 124332
I've wanted to make a parody of HiE fics that's based on Ponyville being overrun by kangaroos. Yes. It's exactly what you think.

To amp up the fun, I've thought of having a HiE element there as well, with Ponyville filled with several dozen non-bronies who are more or less cool with the whole thing. Yet they can't resist from having the intelligent (but mute) kangaroos appearing in their houses and messing with their stuff.

Of course, it's silly. But, I don't know... I just have the mental image of some pony standing in front of Twilight's library in her PJs at 4am, hitting a window with a pebble before remarking: "Twilight, there's, ah, something fuzzy and pouch-y in my bed, and it won't leave." I can't get the image out of my mind.
>> No. 124339
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124339
So I have these strange little Ideas. The first is an MLP crossover with Spyro the Dragon. I ended up replaying the first one recently, and tried to play the second one, but my copies being stupid. Anyway, to me it is somewhat conceivable that Equestria is a lost part of the dragon realms, like Avalar or the forgotten worlds. One of the warp gates, which has not been used for centuries, could be in the castle and Spyro could end up there while trying to get to Dragon shores.

But several questions arise with this. Should Celestia be aware of the Dragon Realms, or was Equestria sealed off before her time? Should there be something that maybe destroys the portal? (I am channeling Spyro 2) Also how do i get around the whole 'kill the sheep for butterflies' thing?

My second idea is a crossover with Watership Down, because magical talking rabbits of awesome.
>> No. 124742
File 135311658071.png - (68.35KB , 1226x1274 , mlfw85_130050347170.png )
124742
Any opinions on my story ideas?

My first one is Little Shop of Horrors as done in Equestria.
My second one is an alternate history of the world, as if humans and ponies evolved and developed alongside each other. Laid out as a history book.

If these have been done before, I'd love to read them. Please give me a link if it's been done before.
If they're just bad ideas, go ahead and tell me.

Thanks!
>> No. 124849
File 135344278699.jpg - (355.79KB , 2020x1070 , seensomeshit.jpg )
124849
I need help to find more flaws to one of my characters ability.

The poor sod is blind to magic, and because of this can see through changelings disguises, but cant see no magical "horn-glow", levitation auras, shields, nothing... I belive if a fireball was shot at him hed only feel the heat.
But i need more ideas, things that are visible to normal ponies that he will miss. Perhaps the more magical plant and wildlife, like the Poison Joke petals are invisible but the rest of the plant is not, or perhaps he sees Celestia as a bald alicorn, her magical hair invisible to him.

In short, i will make my character blind to all magic in the world, and i need more ideas for him to face against.

Also, the character is a pony version of the pics hobo.
>> No. 124851
File 135344606909.png - (250.89KB , 378x500 , FukkenHulahoops.png )
124851
Also related, i want to have a character who has a "Death Metal" voice, sounding demonic and menacing at the best of times, but i cant figure out how to describe the voice.
The character is a goodhearted fellow, and does not mean to sound menacing, but i want his voice to scare at least a couple of foals accedentaly.
But i cant figure out how do describe it with enough "prose" to justify this extreme reaction to it.
Mentally ive always pictured the voice to be like Deathclok-s or Amon Amarath-s lead singers, but any way to describe a menacing voice is welcome.

Also, the thing i DO NOT want to do is just write all his text in ALL CAPS
>> No. 124870
>>124742
dibs on the second one
so is it supposed to be an alternate view of our history with ponies existing in our world or what?
>> No. 124886
>>124870
Pretty much, I intend to structure it as if it was a history book, so I think it'd be good to get a whole author team to work on it. I want it to focus on the rise and fall of empires, both human and equestrian.

If you'd be willing to help be with it, that'd be cool. I'd credit you as a co-author.

And if anyone else wants to help, go ahead and email me.
>> No. 124906
So, I have this idea. I'm not sure if you would call it a human in Equestria fic, since no humans would ever see, meet, or talk to a pony, but humans are definitely involved.

I'm not sure if this idea has been done to death (I dont read too much fan fiction) but if it has been I don't want to waste my time writing it.

Basically, humans end up developing a device that is capable of transporting people and objects to other dimensions. United States government catches wind of this device, and sends recon to search for it in the Pacific. Long story short, the plane ends up being transported into Equestria. The pilot is killed upon impact. however, ponies find the plane, and study the technology for years. After a while they are able to reproduce the technology, but on an even smaller scale. This technology allows all ponies to fly, including Earth ponies and unicorns. These devices can even allow Earth ponies and unicorns to fly faster than Pegasi. The machines never tire out like a pegasus would (physically), and end up being more efficient than normal Pegasi workers for mail delivery, weather control, police work, and most jobs requiring flying. As a result, stubborn Pegasi who refuse to use the machines lose work. In short, these devices create a lot of racial tension, and it's looking like it might come to rebellion (Cloudsdale against the kingdom.) The situation has to be defused.

This is my idea so far, but there are some things I cannot come up with. For instance: what is the device the humans use? Is it even a device at all? Could it be a bomb, or some random cosmic storm? What do these flying devices run on? Magic? Liquid fuel? Happiness? Who will defuse the situation? After decades of research and development, the mane six would be quite old. And I'd loathe to use an OC or a mane six replacement team. ie, cmc + some OC's.

Any help would be appreciated. Like i said, if the idea is bad or overused, i'd rather not waste my time. Oh, and ignore sentences without a capitalized first word. iPhone voice recognition does not like to capitalize words.
>> No. 124921
File 135374087259.png - (256.74KB , 500x500 , 131455976639.png )
124921
I want to write a fanfiction where one of the main characters develops anorexia.
It can either really be hard to spot if the person is determined to hide it, so I was hoping maybe it would help alert people to any symptoms family members or friends may be showing. Or for people who have a loved one already getting help with it, help them understand it a bit better.
I was thinking Fluttershy at first, because her personality would be easier to write for me to relate to, personally. But the more I think of it, the more I think it would make sense for Rainbow Dash to develop an eating disorder. Both would make sense based off of what I've seen, experienced, and read on EDs. What do you think?
>> No. 124922
File 135374223085.png - (242.58KB , 445x597 , 135070308934.png )
124922
>>124921
Depends on your rationale, really; I think RD's narcisism would outway any vanity, if she has any at all, so the only explanation for an eating disorder that I can see would be nervousness toward becoming a wonderbolt, or anxiety resulting, or even a shortage of patience and mental breakdown thereof.
You're going to have to elaborate.
>> No. 124926
>>124906
Awesome. That sounds impressive. Especially if you can pull it off without people on FimFic going "Oh, HiE fic. Downvote and ignore!"

>>124921
Maybe... I'm not personally a fan of those 'Mane 6 member contracts a disease/condition' fics. Forgive me.

It could be good, just make sure your characterization is spot-on.
>> No. 124927
File 135376907629.jpg - (139.77KB , 850x1100 , mousetail.jpg )
124927
>>124921
This is one of those "sad things happening to Mane 6 so you must now feel sad" kind of things, isn't it?

I mean, you're gonna have to ask yourself a few things:
1) does anything actually happen?
2) does it have to be ponies, or could it be interchanged with a full human cast and have nothing of significance lost?
3) is the driving force of the story self-loathing, or actual actions by the characters? Because the first is just shallow non-fulfillment, while the second is what stories are made of. Characters doing things.
>> No. 124933
>>124926
Eh, people will have preconceived notions regardless.
>> No. 125029
File 135412427702.png - (768.30KB , 880x655 , 134026830464.png )
125029
Greetings StoryForge!

So a small question, have any of you been writing a Mlp fic and come across a problem with age? The best fix is trying to rewrite it so that you don't need to reference a characters actual age. But worry not Authors! I may have a solution. Most of us already use the terms foal, colt, filly, stallion, and mare, So going a bit farther into horse terminology wouldn't hurt.

Foal: A baby, non gender specific. Simple as that.

Colt: Boy

Filly: Girl

Weanling: Refers to a horse that is less than a year old. I would equate this to either an infant, or 1 to 5.

Yearling: A one year old horse that hasn't reached it's second birthday. I believe we could use this essentially for the age range of a kid, so from about six to 13.
Or
Juvenile: A two year old horse. Either of these would work, so it would mostly depend on preference.

Sophomore: a 3 year old. could be used for teenager.

Stallion: Man

Mare: Woman

So does this help anyone? Thoughts? Concerns?
>> No. 125106
File 135432825250.png - (41.51KB , 464x472 , gettin all durped up in hurr.png )
125106
>>125029
Foal, colt, filly, mare, and stallion are all canon, so they should be fine. The others... I'm not so sure about. Familiarity is key in writing, and while I'm not a decent gauge by any stretch of the imagination, I haven't heard of those three middle terms before. At least in reference to horses.
>> No. 125330
Out of nascent curiosity regarding unicorns, Applejack touches Rarity's horn.

In response, Rarity forces Applejack to 'finish the job'.

--

And as most of these stories go, it turns out that touching a unicorn's horn is nothing dirty at all. Thus building up comedy from the reader's expectations.
>> No. 125406
How long has it been since I was here?
>> No. 125677
File 135614696401.png - (143.18KB , 900x506 , drunk_mexican_bandit_blueblood_by_toastwaffle93-d4qq7y3.png )
125677
Alright niggas, I got some shit that I need help fleshing out:


Blueblood gritted his teeth, using his magic to lift his handgun, "You fucked with the wrong zigga!"

His target, a gruff looking stallion twice his size, immediately ducked and ran into a subway station for his escape. Each bullet whizzed by, barely missing his body. Blueblood stomped his hooves in frustration, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to catch up. The alabster stallion caught sight of something else however, something small and innocent looking. He snorted, the breath exiting his nostrils clear in the crisp, night air. With slow, deliberate steps, Blueblood made his way to the sobbing filly and aimed his weapon at her head. The crying stopped, and those big eyes stared up at him. The noble pushed away any guilt biting at him and cocked the gun.

"... Shit... Fuck this."

Blueblood lowered his weapon and forced up as much phlegm as possible before spitting it at her face. Her crying suddenly broke free once more and the small filly was now openly sobbing again.

"Little bitch!" he mocked.

Blueblood quickly trotted away, narrating his escape as he did so, "I knew I lost my chance to kill that bitch-zigga, but I just couldn't bring myself to kill that little filly..."
>> No. 125680
File 135616394710.png - (220.56KB , 500x500 , 747.png )
125680
>>125677
I... wut?
Wut.
Wut.
>> No. 125684
File 135620642858.jpg - (73.56KB , 680x451 , cc2.jpg )
125684
>>125680

What? Pretty decent idea, right?

"Blueblood's Bad Day", a fic revolving around his thirst for revenge against the murder of his niece, Cadence's daughter. Through the gritty streets of Haylem, Manehattan, he will find the killer if it's the last thing he does.
>> No. 125688
File 135623701994.jpg - (273.00KB , 1366x768 , 41735 - rainbow_dash strut upside_down.jpg )
125688
>>125684
Man, lol, you be tripping balls.
>> No. 125694
File 135624717918.jpg - (358.92KB , 960x960 , 1356234510862.jpg )
125694
>>125688

Bah, it's a damn fine idea.

Anyway, how's about one where Blueblood and his gaggle of childhood friends attempt to open a lemonade stand in the worst neighborhood in Canterlot. Of course, they encounter increasingly odd experiences as the day goes on, from accidentally engaging in a bank heist to leaving their stand unattended. At some point, Blueblood becomes the unwitting hostage of some thug, eliciting Pony Joe to go save him despite Blueblood walking free without said thug noticing.
>> No. 125697
File 135624955037.png - (211.82KB , 819x695 , cheerful.png )
125697
>>125694

Also, I think the adventures of the time-traveling witch/school teacher named Cheerilee would make an excellent fic.
>> No. 125742
So I've been cycling through story ideas and I've kind of settled on one that I think would work. However, my search magic is weak and thus I can't tell if it's been done before (at least, done well enough to be notable), so if something very similar has been done I'd appreciate it being mentioned so I can either toss out the story idea or change it accordingly to be unique.

Alright, so my idea would be a one-shot fic about Sombra, detailing how he took over the Crystal Kingdom however long ago (was it 1,000 years? I'll have to review the episode, I don't recall if they even gave a specific timeframe). In the story he wouldn't be some outside force that invaded the Kingdom, but a lesser noble who grew power hungry and usurped the throne from the rightful Queen. The story would flash through three (technically four, though the last one is for ending purposes only and quite short) time frames: when he takes over, once his reign is in full swing, and finally his defeat at the hands of the two princesses. It would conclude with Sombra lying dormant under the ice after he was banished a second time, being suddenly woken from his slumber by a peculiar sound and sight - the ice breaking open above him.

Obviously it would end on an ambiguous, grimdark note (the story would probably be dark, or at least have a dark tag). So yes, do ya'll in this here story forge think my idea could work, or is it too generic/already been done and in need of revision before I get started? I've gone through too many fics that I've written a thousand or two words on and then given up and moved on to something else, I really want to actually finish one and this seems as good an idea as any.
>> No. 125797
Hey I'm new here and I have this fan fic idea that has been brewing in my head for like a year. Can t get it off the ground tho. Here is the summary. ( anthro ponies)
equestria is infected by a deadly plague. An alien race called the rasians come to equestria in and their leader makes a deal with celestia. Help contain the infection in turn giving the rasians the healthily ponies to work for them in mining for gemstones. Human comes later
Any thoughts?
>> No. 125836
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125836
I'll copy paste my question from another thread.

So guys, first time posting on /fic/, saw this thread and decided to ask for advise.

I'm an Amateur author, I have a Deviant art and everything, though I've never wrote a ponyfic ( or any fanfic for that matter ) The only thing I've got to writing are Historical fictions. ( I'm actually writing a book slowly but surely about a group of Ming dynasty Chinese Assassins ) See the thing is, I always have to base my stories off of some...ideas, a foundation to build a building of sorts, you might think this easy if I'm making a fanfic right? Well...I can't really think up of any plot, does anyone have any suggestions?
>> No. 125846
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125846
I have an idea for a shipping fic. So after reading a couple of fics involving the Apple family I realize that the Apples are quite Pegasus magnet.

Look at Applejack, her most popular shipping is either with Rainbow Dash or Soarin. Big Mac with Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash. Braeburn with Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy or Soarin. Even I remember there's a toyship between Applebloom with Scootaloo.

So how about a story about young granny Smith with an OC Pegasus? Maybe the first Pegasus stallion who move in to the newly developed Ponyville?
>> No. 125855
>>125846
I'd be interested in young Granny Smith stories period. Ponyville was probably a roughish frontier town like Appleoosa for at least a while after being founded. That girl's gotta have all kinds of stories about the adventures she got up to when she was Applejack's age.
>> No. 125868
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125868
Okay, so, brand new story idea I'm working on as I type. Hopefully I can find a different story to progress whilst I wait for a response Ponyville is held captive under a secret Tryanny that nopony knows about but them. Should I tell the story through Twilight's journal entrees, or an omniscient narration?
>> No. 125890
Alright, so I'm posting this here because...it just sounds so weird.

A lot of fics have as a premise that Celestia is surrounded by sycophants, and that secretly she hates it.

So, Celestia brings in a human to Equestria to be...sadistic to her. Well, not really, but in comparison. She just wants someone who has no allegiance to her, and no bias or affiliation to ponies at all. Someone who would treat her as an equal for once. All the fic is, is their conversations, which start off as confused and strained, grow to mildly psychotherapeutic, and then end off in mild friendship.

I think there's a similar story with Luna that has a Welsh name as a title--but...I'm not thinking of a human slave, but rather someone who is quite willing--and does, act like a complete jerk to Celestia at times.
>> No. 125891
>>125890
Sounds refreshing. I have limited knowledge on the subject mostly due to my living under a rock so I don't know if this has been done. Any story is only as good as the writer behind it, but I certainly hope you can pull it off, because what I am imagining in my head is simply... refreshing.
>> No. 125896
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125896
Anyone done a Yume Nikki crossover yet? Anyone even mention one? It'd make for an interesting writing challenge, packing all those abstract and disturbing events into a story.

Course, it has to end with the Leap. Fu, Fu, Fu...
>> No. 125899
>>125896

If someone did, it would be a Pinkamena Depression x Yume Nikki crossover.
>> No. 125941
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125941
I'm trying to think of some plot device for a body swap story. I don't want it to be overly complex, since it's not the focus of the story, but it has to make some kind of sense. Some details:

-Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle wake up as each other. I mostly want to do this so that Twilight has to somehow get down from Rainbow's house without knowing how to fly. Bodily injury is funny.

-The device can't be "Twilight messes up a spell." Body swap stories are already cliche, so I don't want any more tired concepts like that. Besides, it's more fun if everypony assumes that Twilight messed up a spell and she constantly insists that she didn't.

-My plan is that the Plot Device causes the switch, but there's a simple magic spell to return them to normal. It's simple other than the fact that Rainbow Dash doesn't know a thing about magic and can't focus on a book long enough to learn how. I also need to figure out what Twilight as Rainbow Dash would be doing for the story, but I'll probably figure that out myself.

So, fire away, if you've got any ideas. If the movie "Like Father, Like Son" can use magical Tobasco sauce to make this happen, then anything's fair game.
>> No. 125952
>>125891


.....I suck at making stories guys:



-----

Celestia looked to the human, pleading, pleading for him to give them his typical blunt rebuttal. But his eyes simply stared at her, a cold, cold meager stare that said that I wasn't going to play her good cop/bad cop game. For once, _she_ had to be the one who would get her sycophants to not be sycophants. As the staring match continued, Celestia ignored her prostrators, and began one of the most subtle body language arguments in the history of Equestria. Celestia slightly tilted her head to the prostrators, the human touch took a quick glance to the other side of the room. Celestia took a patient, long breath. The human sniffled. Some of the members of the court tried to figure out what Celestia was doing, but they all figured it was part of her majestic ways.

But, in the end, the human with a lifespan at least one hundredth of that of Celestia's and certainly not immortal had less patience than her. He rolled his eyes, sighed, and glared at Celestia, "No."

"Excuse us," Celestia replied to the court in her 'I'm-not-mad-I'm-just-disappointed' voice. But the human would have none of it. She walked up to him and huddled next to him speaking in a hushed voice.

"The whole reason you're here is because you're the honest one!"

The human's eyes flared at Celestia, he spoke in a slightly louder-yet-still-hushed voice through gritted teeth, "No. You brought me here because I'm the only one who's not going to play along with your twisted little manipulative mind-games. You brought me here because I'm the only one who _isn't_ a complete yes-man...pony."

"Look, could you just put your pride aside for a moment and just help me ou--"

"I'm not being boastful here. I'm not the one who's deciding to force someone to act out of subterfuge as opposed to not Shanghai'ing them to action!"

By now Celestia and the human's voice had become a normal volume.

"I don't know, I happen to think someone who can't see the good this action will do for the sake of overzealous campaign for some so-called self-warranted righteousness might be acting a little bit pride-envious to me!"

People began to gasp--others began to cower--Celestia _never_ rose her voice.

"What pride?! I'm in a land of talking pastel-colored ponies with no post, title, fame, glory, money, prestige to my name! I have no pride!"

"Well, you're right about that!"

More gasps--Celestia would _never_ insult _anypony_!

But before he could reply, there was an interruption from the courtroom door.

"Please, sister, human, stop fighting."

"Oh, Luna..."

Celestia ran down from the throne pedestal, cooing Luna.

The human guffawed, "Screw this! I'm outta here!"

"But human! You can't leave!"

He spun around, facing down Luna, "I'M NOT EVEN YOUR REAL FATHER!"

There was an odd, tense silence.

The human pointed at Celestia, "And for that matter, she's not even your real mother!"

Luna was crying.

He was unperturbed by this, and pointed at Luna, screaming, "And another thing! That 'night art' thing will go no where! No one even cares about the night sky! They're all asleep you moron! Get a real job!"

He waved his hand across the court, "And you all! You're all a bunch of ponies for girls!"

Everypony was very confused at this statment, while Celestia was left speechless, and Luna was left a sobbing mass on the floor as her raison'd'etre was shattered.

He took out a pair of shades from his pocket, placed them on, and proceeded to walk out of the court, "Whatever, I'm out of here."

And he stormed out.

Nearly a millenia later, Celestia found herself finishing a friendship report by her student Twilight Sparkle, and, just above the fireplace mantle was a picture of a rather dapper human. She sighed contentedly, staring at the photo. Hoping that, someday, despite his faults, he would come back.
>> No. 125965
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125965
Right, skip to last paragraph for question, remain on this if you want context. I'm writing a fic involving Discord having once been a human cartographer who served under a king, only for shit to seriously hit the fan. Him and the king's daughter were the only survivors due to their proximity of location to the disaster. So essentially, the kingdom crumbles apart. Skip ahead, they discover that dragons are encroaching on what was human territory. Long story short, they completely dick over the sort of dragon god/king, kill him, and steal his divinity, thereby making themselves deities. Everything settles down. Over the course of the centuries, they've rebuilt the kingdom, creating humans and letting nature take place.

Inevitably, his confrontation with a very powerful enemy kills his wife and corrupts him to the point of insanity. The magic mutates and changes him into the Discord known by Equestria, shattering his psyche, blocking off his memories, and turning him into a being with no concept of morality. After he completely razes his kingdom, he moves on for more fun up north, to Equestria.

Now, what I want to know is, how can I make Discord come off as the tragic hero as much as possible? I want him to be seen as that guy you knew you could trust, had your and everyone else's best interests at heart, but no matter how hard he tried to hold everything together, he just didn't have enough to pull through entirely. How can I make the reader empathize with this kind of character and how can I make his decline into insanity really hit home?
>> No. 125989
>>125941
If you don't want a "Twilight messes up a spell" plot device, why not just not do that?
*ahem*
Twilight wanted to know what it was like to be a pegasus. After all, flying seems like so much fun, but after what happened to Rarity, she didn't want to risk that particular spell. Fortunately, she found another spell that fit the bill.

The spell went off without a hitch.

What the spell was supposed to do, however, wasn't quite what she had in mind...
>> No. 126133
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126133
For awhile now I've been trying to come up with a story idea that involved Luna playing video games. But the only ideas that I thought of involved gaming addiction and I certainly don't want to write about that.

Then it hit me: I'll write it as a shipping fic where they meet online.

Here's an outline of what I thought of: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1x8-yoKBns4UNwskMBUx7DJcTgUrrGJv5KSlUBkeTepk/edit
>> No. 126166
What have I done?

http://pastebin.com/yNKhkQmV
>> No. 126192
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126192
So, I'm writing a Dark Souls crossover where Lautrec the Embraced breaks his invasion orb, and essentially loses his place in his own world and gains one in the world Equestria is part of. He abandons his love for Fina and instead sets his eyes on Cadence.

Problem is, I can't think of a way for Lautrec to off Shining Armor and replace him as Cadence's lover. I've been considering Armor having fallen in love with Chrysalis a year or two after the wedding due to the spell he was under, where he subtly cheated on his wife. Lautrec enters their world, Changelings attack him, he cuts everyone down without a second thought. The main point of irony here is that a shield (a.k.a. Shining Armor), is useless against Lautrec's weapon of choice, a shotel.

Anyway, I need an idea that isn't completely ass, where our lovely sociopath murders Shining Armor and it's begrudgingly accepted by Celestia as being the right course of action due to leak of secrets, defection, etc..
>> No. 126220
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126220
What do you guys think about a MLP/W40Kcrossover? 'm thinking of making one with the Imperial Guard imperialising the world, and exposing the innocence of equestria to the experience(and horrors) of the real world.
>> No. 126221
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126221
>>126220
I've seen several, and none have yet to go beyond "meh". The two universes don't mix together very well and it would take an excellent author to do so successfully (for example, how KKat did Fallout: Equestria). If it works, more power to you, but there are better ways of having a "lost Innocence" scenario than a disparate crossover.
>> No. 126225
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126225
>>126220
>>126221
Forget that junk! I say take a tip from Shinji and Warhammer 40k and ask the question "What if X character (probably Fluttershy) found a case full of Warhammer 40000 miniatures and rulebooks at a very young age?" Then write a story to answer it.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/ShinjiAndWarhammer40K?from=Main.ShinjiAndWarhammer40K
>> No. 126263
Howdy Doddy, boys and girls. I'm BAAAAACCCCCCCC......

[crickets chirping]

fine...

Anyway, I've been gone for quite a while. Real life isn't fun, but it has higher priorities than things like this. However, for the next few months, I should have a little more free time on my hands. Here is a story that I would like to write, and I would appreciate any constructive criticism. If you think I should send it into the fires of hell, go ahead and say so.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
tl;dr: A crime lord kidnaps the CMC and Spike and uses them to force Twilight and her friends to rob several banks across Equestria. A crossover of MLP and Firewall. Yes, the one that stars Harrison Ford.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
long, detailed version: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fhjAKH0COc4oX1aCJ2iCAGgKt5jpOP3-93YHzMAGTVw/pub
>> No. 126268
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126268
Started as a one-off episode idea, then I got to writing the song.

Partypocalypse Now

Pinkie Pie and the others are sent up the Fung River deep into the Fungal Jungle by Princess Celestia to investigate noise complaints from sleepless ponies. Once they reach the ruins of an ancient celebratory temple with great (and loud) acoustics, Pinkie challenges the raucous stallion causing the commotion to a dance-off to tucker him out and put an end to his hoopla.

Guest starring Andrew W.K. as Party Hardy.

"The laughter... the laughter..."

I used to think I was the partiest pony
No one left standing at the end of my shows
But that was before I met Pinkie
Now she's the partiest pony I know

Fancy suits and dresses are awesome
But if you stand still then the fabric won't flow
So when Rarity wants to go dancing
She calls the partiest pony she knows

Twi thought books were always the answer
But Celestia said it ain't so
So she sent her to Pinkie's hometown
To meet the partiest pony she knows
>> No. 126308
I've got an incomplete shipping idea going on right now, the ship being Octavia X Rainbow Dash. I wanted to do one that is rare and decided to go with this.

Anyways, the basic set up is that it'll start while Octavia and Vinyl are dating, just after the honeymoon phase has worn off and now they're bickering about a bunch of little things like Octavia's drinking (I always liked the idea of Octy turning to alcohol a bit too often for her own good) and Vinyl Scratch never taking anything serious, and just other little things that people do that annoy their partner. This finally leads a giant argument, mainly instigated by Octy who then storms out and heads to her favorite bar. After talking to some friends and realizing that she was kind of a bitch, she goes back to apologise and finds another mare with Vinyl in their apartment. Vinyl admits to cheating and saying that this isn't the first time. They talk and then break up.

Octy decides to take a break from her musical career, and from Canterlot in general, to visit her sister Pinkie in Ponyville. Pinkie is then the one that sets up Octavia with Rainbow Dash. Octavia has to learn to cut down on her own judgemental attitude towards other ponies (particularly ones that remind her of Vinyl) and actually give someone a fair chance in a relationship.

I'm trying to figure out how to really show the breakdown of Octavia's relationship with Vinyl.without also showing the honeymoon, lovey dovey phase, since that part has been done to death by tons of people. I'm thinking of just showing them meeting and the initial hookup and then jumping to the part where they start annoying each other, or just starting in the middle of their relationship and moving on from there.

Any thoughts on this idea?
>> No. 126309
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126309
>>126308
>pic
The way you write that it seems like you hate TaviScratch. While TaviScratch is one of my favorite pairings, I would totally read a shipping story involving one of the two characters paired with someone else. Here though, it's just a slap in the face to TaviScratch fans (many of which will see Vinyl and Octavia in the characters section and assume that it is a TaviScratch story.)

I would suggest writing it so that Octavia doesn't know Vinyl. One of the draws of TaviScratch is that because they haven't actually met, the author can show them meeting. So just start your story with Octavia visiting Pinkie Pie.

...

Okay what happens next? Do you have an outline somewhere?
>> No. 126312
>>The way you write that it seems like you hate TaviScratch.

On the contrary, I actually like the ship and consider Allegrezza (possibly the most famous shipfic for them) to be the best shipping story I've read so far. Though, I want to have Octy be coming from a relationship going into the one with Dash and her being in a relationship with Vinyl to start the story doesn't need much build up since they're shown together a lot in stories and pictures.

Anyways, here's the outline I have so far:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1c0mBqORqBmOtpcnomJnHg9Srp-ddNvYqyHtg7j--msc/edit

As a side note, I haven't been able to come up with a title yet.
>> No. 126314
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126314
>>126312
>consider Allegrezza to be the best shipping story I've read so far.
Eh, I couldn't really get into that. The writing style seemed too much like a poor-man's Douglas Adams

>(possibly the most famous shipfic for them)
Actually, that's The Vinyl Scratch Tapes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-jGp0OxMOY Hmm, I suppose it could be University Days. Whatever, it doesn't matter.

Since you haven't enabled comments...
>Starts with Octavia and Scratch doing a concert together to a roaring crowd.
Concert openings in stories don't really seem to hook me. This is prose; there's no sound. They could be playing Beethoven's 9th symphony 4th movement and it wouldn't be the same as actually hearing it. http://youtu.be/QDViACDYxnQ Granted I've only read two stories that started that way. If you really feel that you can make it work, then go for it. You can always change it later.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PacingProblems
http://penny-arcade.com/patv/episode/episode-07-pacing

>They eventually get into another argument over something (not sure what)
You're going to want to have stuff like this planned out before you start the first draft. Trust me on this.

>Comes home a few hours later to find another mare in her and Vinyl’s apartment. Vinyl admits to cheating before. They break up.
Hmm, this could come off as a little contrived. That said, I really wish you would write this without Vinyl in it. But whatever, it's your story.

>Octavia ends up deciding to take a break from everything and visits her sister, Pinkie Pie.
Make sure you establish that they're sisters as close to the beginning as you can. Maybe with Octavia looking at a picture of them.

>While in Ponyville, Octavia runs into Rainbow Dash.
How? Where? Make sure that it's in an interesting way.

>(possibly have Octavia reminisce about her first date with Vinyl leading up to this date)
This seems unhealthy.

>Octavia eventually tells Dash what happened with Vinyl. Eventually brings up the fact that she may continue to work with Vinyl since they have more fans and sales as a group than she would alone.
Yeah, this is unhealthy. Octavia needs to let go already.

>Eventually brings up the fact that she may continue to work with Vinyl since they have more fans and sales as a group than she would alone.
How does that even work? They don't really play the same genres of music (at least in other stories.)

>(Either show it happening from Dash’s pov, or have her tell Octavia all that happened.)
>Show don't Tell
Also, I don't really care for PoV switches. But again, your story.

>Octavia goes back to Canterlot and moves her stuff into her own apartment.
Because Vinyl Scratch would totally never steal from her ex. /sarcasm

>Octavia gets a moment alone with Vinyl and they discuss keeping their music group together, agreeing to a long term hiatus to let both of them move on before getting the group back together. They also reconciled to some degree and agree not to hold a grudge. (Add in some type of bad joke between them, possibly how they’re ex-girlfriends best friends forever, to show that they have a shot of actually being friends again.)
Okay, I suppose this is supposed to be the climax of your story, feel free to call me out on it if it isn't. *clears throat*

As a climax in your Octavia x Rainbow Dash shipping fic this is terrible. The climax of a romance story should be something where both characters have overcome their fatal flaws and now they can be together (see the video on Pacing that I linked above.) But this... just... yeah. It still feels like an anti-TaviScratch fic. Even more so with the whole "Lets stay friends" bit.

>Bonus clop chapter
I can't really help you that much with this. All I know is that it's best if any sex scenes in a romance are meaningful... but I'm not completely sure how to do this myself. I do know someone who does and I'll link him to this after I make the post.

Yeah, if you're going to write an Octavia x Rainbow Dash shipping fic, please make it about Octavia and Rainbow Dash. I wanna read that, not the story of how Octavia didn't move on after a bad relationship.
>> No. 126315
>I know someone who
>clop

Did someone call?

Here is what I see in your idea--I'm still busy with pies so your outline will have to wait.

High drama is good. Breaking up a popular couple is good. Dealing the reader a slap in the face with said drama is also good. However, be careful of what you've already been accused of, which is expecting the shipping, then pairing, the concept to carry everything. Your story must have a meaning beyond "Octavia has sex with someone who you wouldn't expect her to."

The key is "Octavia must get over her bad relationship and learn to trust another. Play that up big time. Call back to bad things that happened and have Octavia hold herself back, then later realize why. Let the inner conflict drive things-- nice, shippy things should be given only as rewards to the reader and to Tavi herself as rewards for making it through trouble.

Now for the reason Azu called me.

A" bonus clop scene" is pointless fan service if it comes after the resolution of Octavia's dilemma. If they have a romantic moment and the reader sees that it's a good relationship, and then they fuck, then the fucking is just a little bit of porn because why not.

If your desire is to make the sex something really cool, if you want to use it for dramatic impact, it should be before the end. Maybe their feelings boil over at one point and it happens, but they still have a way to go and it shows. Or maybe they only manage to have sex because Octavia is finally ready to trust another. I feel like that last one is what you're going for.

Anyway, I typed all this on my phone, so maybe best if you ask questions in case I didn't explain well or gave stupid advice.
>> No. 126316
>>126315
One more thing.

Clop isn't special. It's not some subset of prose that's a different kind of content from just normal story shit. Clop is what you write when it would be wrong to censor out a sex scene. You seen Watchmen? Like that. They wanted to show you an old guy having hot sex in the cockpit of his owl-shaped jet. It was kind of gross, it was brutally honest--the message was, these characters are having sex, it isn't glamorous, but goddamn does it look like they were looking forward to it.

Okay that was a bit of a digression. The point is, there was no reason for Azu to call on me like I'm proficient in a special kind of writing called Clop. Sex is a real thing, and I bet that plenty of people who don't write pony porn could tell you about writing fictional sexual relationships.

You think the fact that I write clop is why I'm able to give advice like "maybe them having sex is important because it means Octavia is ready to trust again?" like hell! I'm able to say that because I've had some sex and I've read some dramas.
>> No. 126317
>>How does that even work? They don't really play the same genres of music (at least in other stories.)

Combining genres can be popular. I know that some rock/metal bands have done concerts with them being backed by orchestras. Plus, I just thought cello could actually go well with techno.

>>Okay, I suppose this is supposed to be the climax of your story, feel free to call me out on it if it isn't. *clears throat*

No, I don't really plan on that being the climax. I'll make sure the climax happens between Dash and Octavia. That was more trying to end it off on a high, hopeful note.

>>The key is "Octavia must get over her bad relationship and learn to trust another. Play that up big time. Call back to bad things that happened and have Octavia hold herself back, then later realize why. Let the inner conflict drive things-- nice, shippy things should be given only as rewards to the reader and to Tavi herself as rewards for making it through trouble.

Yeah, that's one thing I'm definitely still working on. I want the breakup to bring out. I really want to focus the middle of the story on Octavia dealing with just getting out of a relationship and actually beginning to trust Dash and get over her own problems.

As for the clop chapter, I admit that it's just kind of fanservice. Though, yeah, I could certainly work it in better. Show Octavia being completely adverse to physical shows of affection from Dash though she eventually decides to just go for it (possibly with the aide of some liquid courage). This could even work as a climax.

Last edited at Sat, Jan 26th, 2013 07:46

>> No. 126318
>>126317
>That was more trying to end it off on a high, hopeful note.
That's what the climax is, the ending of the story. See the video I posted above.
>> No. 126322
I have a problem and I'm not really sure if this is the right thread to ask.

Sometimes, when I write stories, I tend to get great story ideas that sounds awfully familiar but I can't remember where it is from (I have bad memory). At this point, I'm really torn between if I should just drop the idea to avoid unintentional reference or keep it. I get this kind of feeling so often that I don't even know which idea is original and which are not anymore. Writers, would you please pour me a bit of you wisdom of how you would handle this? (sorry for my bad english)
>> No. 126323
>>126322
This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3JlBLG7xOI&feature=share&list=PL811402453B8C863D
>> No. 126325
>>126322
"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."
Ecclesiastes 1:9 (NIV)

Originality is overrated, so don't worry about it all too much. And hey, of course you're going to get inspired by other people's work, it's just a thing that happens. It's a common worry – I've met authors afraid to read other fics lest they subconsciously copy them. My personal solution is to go in the other direction, and to read, watch and generally consume everything I can, to the point where my field of inspiration is so varied that I'm not copying any one thing, but copying everything in small enough ways that it's not really copying anymore.

If your idea sounds too familiar, try mashing it together with another idea and seeing what results. Harry Potter, for example, is a fantasy story mixed with a boarding school story, and the originality comes from the interesting ways those two things interact.
>> No. 126326
>>126325
And even that was done multiple times before Harry Potter.
>> No. 126327
>>126326
Yep. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Worst_Witch

To quote our own MintyRest:
"[Rowling]’s fairly well read and her work does attempt to bring a number of divergent threads and ideas together. So I’m sure she’s plagiarizing ideas from some sources, but I’m not sure she’s doing so intentionally. Borrowing plot elements isn’t that horrible an offense in literature. In fact we sort of praise it when a borrowed plot element is used in a new an interesting fashion."
>> No. 126500
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126500
I've had an idea circulating in my head for a while now.I'd like to write this sad story involving fluttershy.
I tried to imagine the one of the most unfortunate things that could happen to someone,Something
no one deserves but happens anyways.Then it came to me..cancer.I feel if i do this properly i can make a beautiful but sad story.I know how the the experience of dealing with i loved one who is afflicted with this terrible sickness so i feel i could become very emotionally invested in this story.Do you think this is a good idea and would you read?
>> No. 126501
>>126500
Ponies w/ Cancer.
Well, yes, it could be a good idea, but it's hardly a story. It's a single data point. There have been stories of loss and love throughout ficdom. What matters is the telling.
What more did you have in mind?
>> No. 126503
>>126501
Well as of now im not exactly sure what i'd like to do.But i'd like not only to describe fluttershys struggle but the affect her experience has on everyone.I just wanted to know if i have an idea worth
writing.
>> No. 126505
>>126503
May seem like a non-answer, but so long as an idea seems worthwhile to you, then it is worth writing.
>> No. 126509
File 136021527710.jpg - (91.60KB , 500x599 , 234063__UNOPT__safe_fluttershy_humanized_gravity-falls_style-parody_hippie_5110704b7f123b3b59000.jpg )
126509
>>126500
I'm somehow reminded of an old Peanuts cartoon where a friend of Linus has cancer. But then I don't remember it actually being sad, maybe because in the end she lived.

From what I've learned about writing, your idea itself doesn't sound like it'd be sad sad, but merely somber in tone. I don't know, maybe that's what you want.

To me, a good sad story is about characters doing things that will ultimately lead to their ruin, even though they don't realize it at the time. Or stories about personal sacrifice, where a character does a completely selfless act, but losses something—usually their life—in the process. Stories like those make me feel... good, I guess; they make me want to live life to the fullest, to try and prevent such tragedies.

But that's just my opinion. If you feel that you have a story to tell, your story—a story that very personal to you—than tell it. Those are the best kind of stories. Worry about tags later, when you're editing it.
>> No. 126718
File 136114773347.gif - (355.57KB , 576x324 , 161746__UNOPT__safe_diamond-tiara_silver-spoon_spoiler-s03e04_one-bad-apple_pig.gif )
126718
I'd like to see somepony ship Diamond Tiara with the pig.
>> No. 126719
>>126718
It shall be named Diamonds in a blanket.
>> No. 126838
File 136178316952.jpg - (115.69KB , 839x1000 , image.jpg )
126838
Hello there. I wasn't sure if this was the right place to ask this, but are these considered reasonable guidelines for writing out a story?

I received these guidelines from a former english teacher and I wasn't sure if these are useful or not.

1. Keep Sentences Short, and Keep to One Main Idea Per Sentence
2. Avoid Pretensions, Gobbledygook, and Euphemisms
3. Change long and difficult words to short and simple words
4. Be wary of jargon, fad, and cliché
5. Use the right word
6. Avoid beginning with long dependent phrases
7. Prefer Active Verbs and the Active Voice
8. Cut wordiness
9. Avoid vague qualifiers
10. Prune Prepositions
11. Limit number and symbol
12. Get right to the point and stay there

Storytelling guidelines

13. Archetype, Character, and Plot
14. Don't say everything, at least don't say it right now
15. let the readers do some work
16. Write Fast, Edit Slow
>> No. 126839
File 136179177912.jpg - (40.09KB , 600x338 , just look at the data.jpg )
126839
>>126838
Vonnegut:
1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Twain:
1. A tale shall accomplish something and arrive somewhere.
2. The episodes of a tale shall be necessary parts of the tale, and shall help develop it.
3. The personages in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that always the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others.
4. The personages in a tale, both dead and alive, shall exhibit a sufficient excuse for being there.
5. When the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have a discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, and a show of relevancy, and remain in the neighborhood of the subject in hand, and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say.
6. When the author describes the character of a personage in his tale, the conduct and conversation of that personage shall justify said description.
7. When a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven-dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a Negro minstrel at the end of it.
8. Crass stupidities shall not be played upon the reader by either the author or the people in the tale.
9. The personages of a tale shall confine themselves to possibilities and let miracles alone; or, if they venture a miracle, the author must so plausably set it forth as to make it look possible and reasonable.
10. The author shall make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and their fate; and that he shall make the reader love the good people in the tale and hate the bad ones.
11. The characters in tale be so clearly defined that the reader can tell beforehand what each will do in a given emergency.
An author should
12. _Say_ what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.
13. Use the right word, not its second cousin.
14. Eschew surplusage.
15. Not omit necessary details.
16. Avoid slovenliness of form.
17. Use good grammar.
18. Employ a simple, straightforward style.

I'd say, given the similarities? Your teacher was on the right track. =)
>> No. 126840
>>126839
Interestingly enough, Vonnegut immediately says after stating those rules that you shouldn't follow them (except for writing for one person, as he goes to explain that writing for everyone is folly and that writing for no one is crazy), and the rules set up by Twain were done as part of a 'review' of one of his fellows with the quite clear intent of ridiculing the good reviews of his contemporaries with his normal way of saying a half-truth for us to fill in the rest with a jest.

Which to say, take rules with a grain of salt, for most great writers famous "rules of writing" were normally not so.

Last edited at Mon, Feb 25th, 2013 06:05

>> No. 126841
>>126840
Vonnegut's statement is that a great author can and should break all of these rules but the first. I agree. But when you're learning? These are good guides.
As for Twain, yes, it came from a savaging of Cooper (and well-deserved, at that) but I find when I'm stuck at a decision, these two usually have the right idea.
Still, rules are rules. Writing is writing. (Tautology is tautology.) Outside of grammar, ne'er the two shall meet.
>> No. 126842
What kind of Archetype and Personality would best fit Daring Do?
>> No. 126927
File 136242727566.jpg - (59.69KB , 609x609 , image.jpg )
126927
Is there anyone that could help me with a fic I'm writing? I'm currently writing the first draft of the first few chapters.
>> No. 126933
>>126842
I would imagine that the one that she had on the show would fit best.

>>126927
Do you have an outline or maybe a basic idea?
>> No. 126937
>>126933
Yes I have an outline of the story idea, and small draft. The first chapter is still being written.
>> No. 126945
File 136259400845.jpg - (16.65KB , 421x399 , z07.jpg )
126945
>>126937
Okay... do you have a link?
>> No. 126949
>>126945

mind if I send you an E-mail?
>> No. 126983
Random story idea. "Deathclaw in Equestria", it was just an idea I had after watching a mod showcase for the pet deathclaw. I was thinking like the courier would raise him, teach him English, become a ranger, get surgery so he could sheath/unsheath his claws so that he could use guns and stuff, you know the usual. So everyone knows why I posted it here instead of writing it myself was because I am trying to write a fic and failing so I'm just trying to focus on that one. Also if someone uses this idea please message me. I'm a good source for ideas and I would love to read the fic

Thanks :)
>> No. 126984
File 136298113267.jpg - (49.65KB , 500x612 , no.jpg )
126984
>>126983
No, just no.
>> No. 126985
>>126983

Not... sure... if... troll...
>> No. 126987
File 136302037169.gif - (1.99MB , 400x167 , LkGdQdU.gif )
126987
>>126983
>> No. 127043
I remeber reading this story (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/76119/stallions-on-strike) and it gave me an idea: what if I were to make a story similar, but say that it caused a civil war because the ponies did not like an oligarchy and the gender unbalance, and the ponies wanted a social change?

The main pony will be Fluttershy, but will also include 5 OCs. Fluttershy is the group leader as she and her group travel the world to bring peace however they can.
>> No. 127044
File 136358526954.jpg - (75.37KB , 500x400 , danboras-and-coobie.jpg )
127044
I'm new to both this place and fanfics.
While I'm confident on my talent I know that right now I'm pretty worthless as a writer and that's fine.
Don't expect me to publish anything real soon, though.

Anyways, right now I'm working on the previous of a humanized madoka magica crossover; but since Pinkie ended up getting portal hands and with this the ability to reset her current timeline, this means that I am forced to either copy the plot to madoka magica or be left with no plot.

First, I thought of making it post madoka, meaning wraiths instead of witches, but then I don't have enough suffering.
Then, I thought of making it a single timeline and scrap the whole making parallels with their cutie marks origins to their magical girls origins, but then the plot becomes too swift and I can't exploit the characters enough.
Also, Rarity's everything(human name, wish, abilities, role) doesn't convince me yet.

Suggestions?
>> No. 127045
>>127044
It seems that you should start over, or at least just revert back to the part where Pinkie becomes a portal pony. Oh, and Rarity is way more powerful in your fic than in canon, the fact she can everything.

>>127043
The fic will take place two years after the events of FiM. The mane6 mostly loose their connection with the elements, except Fluttershy, who changes to Magic. 5 new ponies gain the connection.

Basically I thought of my characters as this:

Loyalty: Lina, a female unicorn and pyromancer.
Laughter: Sunder, a female earth pony, enchantress, and engineer.
Generosity: Legion, a male earth pony and dragon keeper. Also was originally a vigilante.
Honesty: Matrix, a male unicorn and spell-stopper. He silences magic.
Kindness: Razor, a male pegasus and a very fast flier. He used to make twisters.
Magic: Fluttershy.
>> No. 127047
>>127045
Thanks, I'll try that. After all I didn't planned Pinkie to go meguca until later into the story.

Now, what I meant with Rarity though, was that apart from having her inside the story I'm not still convinced with her human name, abilities, powerlevel, meguca suit, etc.
So far the only thing I'm sure is that her magic revolves around crystals and that's it, even her role inside the story is still pretty foggy, but maybe that's because I haven't focused on her that much while I was planning the plot and she's proving to be pretty difficult to translate into that universe because "I want to make pretty dresses" is pretty much the most stupid thing she could sell her soul for.
Would wishing for inspiration be in character and reasonable?

I'll try to write Rarity the same as I did with Rainbow Dash, giving her a role inside the story before thinking about her origin first, seeing that she got a pretty big role inside the story even before I started to about fleshing out her character.
>> No. 127049
>>127045
First: No.
Second: You do realize they all sound like Mary sues
Third:The premis of the elements changing after only two years sounds terrible. Especially when the show could be interpreted as having covered three years so far.
Fourth: Also Fluttershy as Magic? What the heck?

I'm not going to read your concept when I could be reading a story about Luna's crusade against the vampire menace.
>> No. 127050
>>127044
And now you.
It sounds like you're trying too hard to crowbar ponies into your favorite anime.
Step back for a moment and consider if it's worthwhile, especially if the other subject does not easily translate to friendship and harmony.
>> No. 127052
>>127049
>>127050
You haven't even given any constructive criticism or otherwise offer any non-subjective reasons on why you don't like either concepts. And you also refuse to give yourself an actual identity.

So just fuck off.
>> No. 127053
>>127052
Ouch, hit a nerve.
Pro tip: you have less than 5 seconds to sell a story to someone before they move on. You failed.
You're here to ask for a critique, that's what fic is for, my critique is: It sounds ridiculous, uninteresting and I'm skeptical about your ability to write said story.

*edit: and another thing, Ducky sounds like he's trying hard and having trouble trying to make it fit. While I might not like the idea myself he's dealing with his own rose tinted goggles when looking at his own story. My advice was to take a step back and think real hard about it. Is he writing pony or his anime?

Last edited at Mon, Mar 18th, 2013 21:54

>> No. 127054
>>127053
Oh I'm sorry, I thought all I'm reading is someone trolling. I didn't actually know that you're trying to offer "advice".

>It sounds ridiculous, uninteresting and I'm skeptical about your ability to write said story.
What the fuck kind of critique is this? It sounds worse than some autistic five-year-old kid trying to do his ABCs, and before you even talk about my idea, I haven't went into much depth, and why the fuck would I? You're obviously behaving like a complete jackass.

Pro Tip: I don't give a fuck about you. You are just another anon.

Last edited at Mon, Mar 18th, 2013 22:25

>> No. 127055
File 136367315226.png - (124.46KB , 286x232 , from the balcony.png )
127055
>>127054
Statler: Would you look at that: he says he doesn't care.
Waldorf: and he wonders why nobody likes him.
Statler: well nobody likes us either.
Waldorf: I don't care.
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

I am that guy in the back of the heckling you, I don't have a name because I don't need one.
I'm the one entertaining the audience now by setting you off balance.

The fact that your getting so defensive means that you are failing to learn.

Consider for a moment what I have said, perhaps I have made a point somewhere. Think about it while I sit here editing my own work after having listened to my reviewers. I dare say it's much better than it used to be.
>> No. 127062
>>127055
I'm not being defensive, as I know I can improve, I'm explicitly stating you just suck ass at giving "advice"; if this "advice" means flaming others and failing to give new ideas, then you are terrible. So I'm fucking done with you. Goodbye.

Last edited at Tue, Mar 19th, 2013 15:56

>> No. 127064
File 136374740627.png - (96.08KB , 389x459 , my-hat-is-so-pretty.png )
127064
I already got an idea to make Rarity fit into the story and it was, wait for it, pretty dresses.
I know it sounds stupid, so I'm giving more details into it and the roles.

Let me know if any of this goes with the characters or not.
>Rainbow Dash
The hero type. So loyal and honorable that it comes to bite her time and time again.

>Pinkie Pie
Shy amish girl, inspired by Dash to become a source of happiness to others and thus making herself into the Pinkie we know.
She is thrusted with the task of going back and saving her friends.

>Applejack
Drawn into this to become able to take on the family business on her own.
Sees magical-girling as a job and a duty she's willing to take as long as it sounds like the right thing to do.

>Rarity
Amazed by the world of magic and pretty dresses after wishing for inspiration.
Has to deal with the fact that magic can't actually solve any of her problems.

>Twilight
Cool headed but awkward leader of the group.
Incubator sympathyser who wants to reverse-engineer magic to put it to use for humanity.

>Fluttershy
Little lonely wallflower with a worrisome drive to care and save animals. Gets da magicz to become able to care of even more animals.
Later, she opposes to Pinkie's method to save her friends by hunting them down after losing hope on getting them out of this.

>Spike
Local incubator and con-pet. openly disrepectful to the girls, only Twilight has the patience to deal with him.

>>127053
Well, it's kinda complicated to explain.
I'm writing the story using the personages of the main ponies, this means that I have 6 human girls with the same quirks, style, personalities, etc. as the ponies.
In other words, I'm writing a humanized fic of the mane 6 into the world of madoka magica.

And I think that I have to limit myself to making parts of it and writing it over and over again unless I want it to be insufferable crap; the concept is cool but a single misstep and it's going to end terribly.
No cool, cozy glasses here.

Anyways, my plan here is to thrown them into a pit of fire and make the events of the story challenge their friendship.

Please seize this post I wasted a lot of time on it.
>> No. 127066
>>127045
I disagree with >>127049, Shizzle. Fluttershy as magic is not stupid.

Think of it, maybe you did already, what kind of dumb factor to togetherness is magic? Living-room arranging, explosion-mancing, fire-spelling magic? How does that even has to do with making friends?

EoH's magic is not that magic.

It's that thing which name always escapes me that joins a group of certain people together even if they don't had anything in common before, it's whatever it was that Twilight did to gave us the group of ponies we are obsessed with.
What would be stupid though, is if she can't join a group and lead them like Twilight does, not exactly like she did but as Fluttershy would do; and this is what I think you should be more cautious with.

That and your ponies are too adventure oriented.
You have a pyromancer, a sort of technomage, a goddamn dragon keeper, a spell muter and a tornado maker.
Not to mention that Razor, which sounds like he is a violent pony, is the the element of kindness.
Remember, while it may be possible for such a group of ponies to exist on the FIMverse it doesn't sound convincing, especially if they make the original element-wielders sound like a bunch of pussies.

No, scratch that, you're going too far.
Remember how the mane6 weren't all strong or even capable of adventuring just like that, and could still handle a dragon, evil living forces of pure magic, twice, and a god of chaos.
They never used raw power to fight them, they used their character, if you want to call it that.

Try not to make them able to curbstomp the same foes the mane6 had trouble dealing with, it does make them sound like mary sues even if you didn't envisioned them as that.

And try not to bite more than you can chew. Or chew alot carefully while taking air with you mouth open and grossing out your fellow commensals.

Make of my advice what you want, I just hope it was helpful.

Last edited at Tue, Mar 19th, 2013 20:03

>> No. 127067
>>127066

It's the fact that they have to stand together and do everything together is what allows them to succeed. They could be as powerful as they want, but without each other they can't succeed, beat the Princess, and end the war.

It was intended to be an adventure (it's a war)...

...but nevermind that. The other point is that you're right, the mane6 sound like pussies, but it is a war (I might have forgotten that part) and if they didn't know how to fight, they would have completely have been obliterated within 2 days.

Although I will do my best not to make them too powerful.

>Make of my advice what you want, I just hope it was helpful.

You were more helpful than that Anon, that's for sure. I just snapped because I had to deal with someone similar to him some time ago.
>> No. 127069
>>127066
>>127067
Actually, fuck it. I'm severing all ties with the elements. Even Fluttershy.
>> No. 127070
>>127064
hmm.
Nice to see that you're using the characters effectively. I'm actually somewhat interested but I still feel like it's a square peg going into a round hole.

Have you read Pony Age: Origins?
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/163/pony-age-origins

The author brought the Dragon Age story and put it into the context of MLP to make an AU fic based in Equestria. Even to the point where the original DA story has been completely subverted by the magic of friendship.

Perhaps instead of porting ponies into Madoka Magica you could instead port Madoka into pony to form an Alternate Universe where the mane 6 meet differently and team up to solve the major issue.

Your antagonist could be ported from Madoka or you could assign Nightmare Moon or Sombra to the role.

All together it would make it more palatable to the MLP fandom and it also avoids humanizing (which in the current climate won't be too popular). It will probably also mean that a few readers take an interest in Madoka.
>> No. 127073
>>127070
>Nice to see that you're using the characters effectively.
Whoa, thanks. Even the part of Spike being an amoral asshole? I thought that was the weakest one.

>Perhaps instead of porting ponies into Madoka Magica you could instead port Madoka into pony to form an Alternate Universe where the mane 6 meet differently and team up to solve the major issue.
I believe in the potential of this and I still like the idea of translating the ponies into humans myself.
However, I fear that taking the meduka into Equestria wouldn't make that much sense, after all, grief is a pivotal part of both the magical system used for madoka and the story itself; and Equestria, while not perfect is definitely a place that's low on suffering hence incubators wouldn't need to go there to enlist ponies for living entropy batteries.

>Madoka into pony
I actually thought of trying a SoL oneshot about the madoka girls as ponies just for fun before publishing this one though.

>you could assign Nightmare Moon or Sombra to the role
I didn't mentioned anything about Nightmare Moon just to not give away details but the big baddie is going to be her.
She is a witch that hunts down magical girls and people in their sleep, this is implied early during the story before they actually find out about it.

Thanks, I'll still consider what you said though, judging by the shitstorm that Equestria Girls is going to bring upon us.

Last edited at Tue, Mar 19th, 2013 22:04

>> No. 127077
>>127073
>Whoa, thanks. Even the part of Spike being an amoral asshole? I thought that was the weakest one.
The amoral asshole is often the most entertaining one to watch.

The fact that your actually taking the time to think about all this will show in the final work. The number of half thought out fanfictions that crash and burn after writing themselves into a corner is staggering.

Last edited at Tue, Mar 19th, 2013 22:31

>> No. 127078
>>127077
Don't forget imagining human Fluttershy doing parkour and hunting down her friends on her dangerous mission outfit.

One more thing though, I have other stories I wanted to get some input on the premise/idea before actually getting into writing them.
I thought of using this template of set up and basic story when sharing it, anything else I'd need to know before asking for feedback on my idea and getting on the line for it?
>> No. 127080
File 136379395837.gif - (575.83KB , 900x4805 , when_no_one_is_watching_by_tamalesyatole-d5d5awh.gif )
127080
>>127078
This thread isn't big on formatting. Just go with:

Working Title

Description of idea: Don't be vague, we're not afraid of spoilers.

A couple of major characters with motivations (protagonist and antagonist).

Other than that, go nuts. It's also an image board and amusing images (like that one) will get your idea more attention and therefore more feedback.

Finally a sold piece of advice is to avoid sounding like any idea is the best thing since sliced bread. (not aiming this at you specifically ducky)
That's generally an invitation for somepony to snark since tearing down an inflated ego is such an entertaining experience.
>> No. 127086
>>127080
I see, then I'll get my premises together and bother you all by posting them here.
I'm starting to go short on time nowadays.


*On another note, I'm about to finish Flutterphysics, here's to hoping I can finish it today, and it is goddamn amazing.
>> No. 127087
>I remeber reading this story (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/76119/stallions-on-strike) and it gave me an idea: what if I were to make a story similar, but say that it caused a civil war because the ponies did not like an oligarchy and the gender unbalance, and the ponies wanted a social change?

So this takes place two four years after the events of FiM. The economy went to crap because of the war, so therefore many ponies became poor, and the economic depression swept the plan. Originally, many ponies thought that the war was stupid and silly and there was no way the rebellion would win, but as things got worse, and the land got decayed overtime due to so much attention on the war, ponies began turning. But many ponies are still loyal to the princesses.

The main 6 ponies are Lina (pyromancer), Summer (engineer), Legion (dragon keeper), Matrix (silencer), and Razor (flier). They aren't originally friends and won't be introduced all at once.

The story cuts to Fluttershy, where she is still fortunate enough to keep her home, despite hard times. She had to let go of most her animals to maintain her home. While taking a shower, she gets robbed by a unicorn mare (Lina, will befriend Fluttershy later), but Fluttershy manages to fight her off and scare her away. She meets Legion, a dragon keeper who only has a baby dragon. She also finds out Legion is an undercover rebel when Legion's friend, Summer (was previously named Sunder) gets chased down by guards. Summer accidentally reveals Legion's identity, and the guards surround them. They also think that Fluttershy was involved, so Fluttershy, Legion, and Summer get arrested.

That's all I have so far.
>> No. 127088
File 136383687477.jpg - (0.95MB , 1920x1200 , you__re_doing_it_wrong.jpg )
127088
>>127087
Alright, I'm going to give out a few pieces of advice for anypony listen to. You don't have to of course.

In regards to OC's: I have nothing against them personaly but there is an important cavat that must be said about them.
Never create an OC when the role can be filled by an existing mane or background pony.

Fanfiction is basicly cheap escapism that usually features a known universe. In this case we all know and like ponies, espcially ponies that we already know: Twilight, Lyra, Cloud Kicker ect. People will tend toward characters that they're fond of. An OC doesn't have that connection.

War Stories: Meaningful conflict is vital to any story, naturally war is usually a winner here. However war is something that doesn't come naturally to ponies, they won't "rebel" or cry "viva la revolution". If a war occours at all it will be against a terrifying external threat and they'll have to start it as well.

Since war and most dark stories tend to be very grim with amoral characters they can pass the grimdark event horizon and lead to "Darkness Induced Audiance Apathy": http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DarknessInducedAudienceApathy

Most notably this can lead to the invocation of the Eight Deadly Words: "I don't care what happens to these ponies."
The audience will simply stop caring and stop reading or worse start hoping the entire cast die in a fire. When OC's are being used the words are much closer to the surface.

Naturally an exception to what i'm saying would be Fallout Equestria, but would you have read it if it wasn't a fallout crossover? Or stayed if KKat had been a terrible writer?

TL:DR: Shizzle your story immediately invokes "I don't care what happens to these ponies."
As an example see the work of "The 24th Pegasus" http://www.fimfiction.net/user/The+24th+Pegasus
He's an excelent writer who created a war story between the Pegasi and Griffons before Equestria was founded.
Despite being featured on EQD and the Vault he only ahs 95 upvotes on his story where most EQD features will break 300. This is a prime example of how unpopular war stories, or worse OC war stories, are.

So Shiz, if you expected for your work to be instantly adored and loved then learn from what i've said and come back to reality.
>> No. 127089
>>127088
So basically, you're saying that war/OC stories usually suck/unpopular?

Well...what if the Mane6 were the main cast? Scratch that, that's even worse.

I did create a Mafia story where there were 23 canon ponies, but I didn't like it one bit. So now I'm out of options.
>> No. 127090
>>127089
Standard rookie mistake. You're just thinking too big.

Go for two or three characters and build around them in a two step plot. aim for 20k words to start with.
>> No. 127092
File 136385115461.jpg - (21.14KB , 296x230 , rusty-brown.jpg )
127092
Please don't throw rocks at me for this, I could use some tomatoes.


Title: My little Flutters
I'm don't like the title, some ideas would be welcomed.

Plot:
A filly Fluttershy is found on a box by Trent, a socially inept and pathetic man that is obsessed with my little pony. He vows to himself to take care of Fluttershy and protect her from the people who would try to attempt to take her away.
His inexperience, lack of common sense, delusions and immaturity result into a terrible outcome for little Fluttershy that is only there to take the beating of a well intentioned but still bad upbringing.
Isolation, a bad diet and hygiene, lack of authority and role models make of Fluttershy a permanently sick and foul-mouthed mare that lashes out at the slighest provocation.
The only friend Fluttershy has is a Naomi, a girl living in the same neighbor who finds her during one of many attempts to run away from home.
Fluttershy loves spending time with Naomi and doesn't act aggressivelly like she would normally do around her.
They are set apart on a rainy day when Naomi's parents met with Trent and he passes off Fluttershy as his dog. Trent convince the parents that Naomi just has a hyperactive imagination and his dog is too old for this while keeping Flutters in line with the old myth of the men in black.
The ending would have Fluttershy running away and finally flying into the horizon in an attempt to escape her current situation.

Underlying themes are freedom and delusion.

If it isn't obvious by the dumb title I hate, this is a "parody" of My little Dashie.

Characters:
-Trent: a weak willed, overweight young man, incapable of inspiring respect and bullied by kids even. He lives alone on a crappy house he inherited from an uncle; often seen as manipulative, inept and desperate for contact. Delusional and over-protective to Fluttershy. He projects show Fluttershy on his Fluttershy no matter what differences may be betwen the two and this makes Fluttershy angry as hell.

-Fluttershy: being raised in a bad way by an unexperienced and overall immature parent, she grows as a hostile and sick pony with a venomous tongue, nothing like the normal Fluttershy. Years of isolation cripple both her social abilities and wings, however, she wishes for nothing more than to fly freely on the big blue sky.

-Naomi: a sparky, dreamy little girl, neighbor to Trent and only true friend to Fluttershy. She tries to take Fluttershy home but fails in the end, opening a particularly sour and tense chapter of Shy's life.


While I'm working on the settings and such of a couple more, this would be the first I'm intending to finish and publish.

Last edited at Thu, Mar 21st, 2013 00:38

>> No. 127093
>>127092
The entire concept there, parody or serious, has been overdone for a while. So it's kinda beating the dead pony with a foam hand now.

Try something around a lesser known background pony. Raindrops' weather work, Lightning Dust's filly hood, Featherweight's future in photography, Inky and Blinky's mundane adventure or Nurse Redheart's explores Rainbow's circulatory system.


Coming up with something original is all about seeing something and asking yourself, I wonder what that pony's story is.
Before you know it you've written them into an entertaining story that exists just around the corner from the show.

*edit again: read the following thread. http://mlpchan.net/fic/res/3348.html

Last edited at Thu, Mar 21st, 2013 00:59

>> No. 127094
>>127093
Well I do have other concept about lesser known ponies but they are about the HasbrOC's.
I'm not really sure how well that would roll.

Anyways, I thought of taking the old "brony finds pony and they form a super special awesome bond" masturbatory daydreaming fic and twisting it into a worthwhile story that could get some insight on stuff while trying to take from Chris Ware's style.

Now, if you know a fic about parental negligence involving a human and his pony daughter I'd love to give it a read.
>> No. 127129
File 136409260991.jpg - (110.74KB , 550x464 , 109140__UNOPT__plushie_chibi_lily-blossom.jpg )
127129
I said earlier that I plan on using some of the HasbrOC's on some fics so I wanted to get some opinions to see if I have something nice or shit for the burning.
Posting the eyecandy of the group.

These are the main characters for a fic on which Luna makes a team of subtitutes for the current elements in case the first ones were to fall, something that won't happen here though.
It's going to be an adventure/slice of life of the wave 4 ponies except for Flitterheart that's replaced for Lily Blossom.


>SNOWCATCHER has a talent for catching snowflakes on her tongue -- they tickle as they melt!
Just like a trv oldsckool pone lel, Snowcatcher is the substitute for the element of Magic and a graduate from Celestia's school for gifted unicorns.
A talented pony who specialized on ice magic she is more than antisocial; cold and distant, she masks her inability to make friends with the old "i don't need friends" schtick. She is an unexpectedly good leader despite her ordered chaos method combined with a cold, elaborate logic approach to do things.

>PLUMSWEET always has something nice to say! Her friends come to her whenever they need cheering up!
As the substitute element of Kindness, Plumsweet's talent is to give good advice and to see the good in anypony she meets.
Although this may make her sound like a mere sweet talker to others at times, she is dead serious and most of the time right about what she sees on other ponies.
A pacifist by nature, she despises the idea of conflict and will often make her best to talk out the problems leading to it until the last consequences.

>TWINKLESHINE dreams about being a famous movie star. Drama. Comedy. Action. She loves it all!
An aspirant actress and substitute element of laughter.
While her true ambition is to be a great drama actress, she is the most lovely and merriest pony on the city and is known around for her quirkyness and her will to cheer up other ponies with her acting.
She also has the uncanny ability to impersonate anything as long as she has the right costume for it.

>LILY BLOSSOM is known for being graceful when she flies, but she is just as elegant on all four hooves!
Lily is both gentle and well-mannered, her graceful ways make others forget the extents to which she goes to gather the wild flowers she sells on her shop.
However, this is not to have the exclusiveness over certain species. What she really wants is for others to love flowers as much as she does.
The substitute element of Generosity, she loves giving flowers she deems the best fit to each pony's personality as a present.

>HONEYBUZZ is often so busy that she forgets to take a break, but she always stops to smell the flowers!
Her dream is to become an apiculturist, something that may be ironic considering her talent has something to do with bees but actually Honeybuzz's talent is to work, constantly.
Something that could make other ponies groan in exhaustion is the bread and butter for Honeybuzz.
As the substitute Honesty, she never takes shortcuts to anything.
A freeter by vocation, she has trouble to make friends because of her silent and stoic demeanor which makes others think she doesn't have any interest to get involved in anything that's not work.

>FEATHERMAY loves to fly wherever the wind blows! Which way will the wind take her today?
Formerly a pirate and adventurer until she decided to put that way of life away and settle down.
She is one of the few ponies to ever met other lands way far from Equestrian seas and her experience made her a rough, hardened mare which makes her come off as rude a lot of times.
Her true love and talent are birds, she loves to take care of birds and knows everything about all kinds of species from around the world, this added to her knowledges on cartography, close combat and other pirate crafts makes her one of the most knowledgeable ponies around.
Despite of that, the substitute to Loyalty tends to have her head in the clouds, reminiscing about her old friends back at the seas.


What do you think?
>> No. 127130
>>127129
Cleanup ate my trip.
>> No. 127136
File 136412175823.png - (371.77KB , 421x650 , PrincessSparkle.png )
127136
Hi guys! As an author, the biggest problem I have is creating a good and interesting plot, So I though I would toss my idea for a story here to see if people think it is worth persuing:

So the general idea is that it is an alternative universe, were Celestia rules Equestria with an ironhoof. In her paranoia to secure her throne, she demands that all unicorns shall be killed at birth, since magic is one of the few things that can hurt her.

But Twilight's parents have managed to live in secret despite being unicorns, but when Twilight is barely a newborn child, the authorites finds out about the unicorn family, and as a last act before being arrested, Twilight's father send Twilight to Ponyville in blind hope that someone will adopt the baby unicorn.

Someone does, and Twilight grows up in ponyville, keeping her horn hidden as best as she can, while growing a big interest in magic. One unlucky day, her horn is revealed, and she would be arrested and exacuted, if she wasn't saved by a pony named Silver Bolt, who is an assassin working for the Lunar rebellion. The Lunar rebellion wants to release Luna from her moon prison and install her to the thrown instead of Celestia. When Silver Bolt notice that Twilight is not like the avarage unicorn she have saved, she takes her to the secret circle of the Lunar Rebelion to see what the powerful little unicorn means...

Okay, so how bad is the idea? Is it too cliche? Have there already been a story like this out there? Is it just an uninteresting plot in general? What could be added/improved? All opinions are welcome, and if it sucks, I would like to know before I start writing on it :) .
>> No. 127137
>>127136
Hmm, I've read your post a few times trying to find something wrong. But I'm just not getting anything.
There's nothing wrong with your idea, but there's nothing too attractive about it either.

I look at it and get, Evil Celestia, Good Luna, Luna Rebellion, with a messiah complex for Twilight who's the only unicorn foal to escape the purge.

I've seen a lot of those elements before, there's nothing really pulling me in.

You need a hook, something that makes you different and interesting. Perhaps you could do something with Sombra or make Rarity the hero.
Something to add pop and make your readers think "Really? That's awesome" when they read your Synopsis.

Something else you could try would be to reduce Scope, focus the story on fewer characters with interesting stories to tell.

hmm (Epic voiceover on)

"In a world ruled under the tyranny of shadow."
"Where the evil king suppresses all happiness."
"One pink pony will discover laughter"

"Hey girls I just discovered the most supertasticly best thing ever!"

"This summer, she's going to do this: Pinkie Pie Style."

Last edited at Sun, Mar 24th, 2013 07:00

>> No. 127138
>>127129
Try this: They are Celestia's B-Team, the elements that would of been if Twilight failed. who live in a town on the other side of the Everfree.

But since Plan A worked they've been forgotten and Celestia's former student is feeling bitter. (consider this an excuse to use Sunset Shimmer as well).

Shenanigans Ensue.

Last edited at Sun, Mar 24th, 2013 07:13

>> No. 127140
>>127138
I don't know, that sounds awfully out of character for Snowcatcher and her friends would most likely advice her against acting over being bitter.
I'll explain later because now I'm a bit busy.

How are the characters anyways? Are they good? Is there something off?
>> No. 127142
>>127137
I was actually thinking to add Sombra and Discord in there somewhere, but I couldn't make it "fit in". As I said: making plots isn't my greatest strength.

But then I know that the idea is too cliche to put some serious effort in.
>> No. 127147
So recently I've begun to write a story based on a concept that, as I've noticed, hasn't been entirely done all that well.

What if an human was raised in Equestria? What if, rather than an adult, an infant ended up there? I aim to tell a story of how a human child might end up being raised, if he were raised someplace like the Crystal Kingdom, then ended up going on a Crusade of Friendship.
>> No. 127150
>>127147
This one is simple: If there is a human involved the answer is no.
>> No. 127151
>>127150
Then you're going to hate my idea of a guy being found on the Everfree forest and shelterd by Fluttershy.

He becomes king of Horseyland with Flutters as the queen.
>> No. 127153
>>127147
I think you should try fleshing out the idea some more.
Some awesome fics out there had humans in them like Flutterphysics, for example.
You should try to flesh out your idea some more before asking for an opinion, like >>127136 should too.

I heard that some guys spent about a whole year on a single fic so you want to try building up some of the AU in your story and try to come up with reasons that exploit the characters' personalities and motives.
And yeah, a hook. Remember how Equilibrium had the whole dystopic world under a tyranny yadda yadda and then you have the enforcers, that were awesome and invented a martial art based on guns and cold-blooded focus.

There are lots of these things out there that can make your story catch readers and they may not even be such a crucial part of the plot, just a detail that can add a new twist to it, just a peculiar part of the setting that could draw your reader's curiosity.

Last edited at Sun, Mar 24th, 2013 19:50

>> No. 127154
>>127140
Oh yeah, my explanation.
I like to have my characters' most basic traits set in stone before even coming up with the plots and arcs so, Snowcatcher being a cool headed and distant pony growing resentful towards Celestia is a possibility.

That's it if she was alone.
Snowcatcher would most likely just forget about the whole thing of the elements and move on, being glad that there's someone else doing a better job at it and just keep living life along with her friends.

Now, in the case that she was going to take revenge on Celestia she would be pretty much alone, maybe Honeybuzz and Feathermay would follow, Twinkleshine could be dragged into it but Plumsweet and Lily would just cut all ties.

Now I'll shut up, I'm starting to look like a spammer.

Last edited at Sun, Mar 24th, 2013 19:54

>> No. 127172
Hello. I have written a fiction that I recently scrapped, since the idea was way too bland (Hell, even I was not too crazy about it). I've written other fiction before, and when I've bounced it off people, they've really liked it. I find this to happen when I have GOOD ideas that really spark my interest.

So I was thinking... what if Twilight was the only REAL pony in Ponyville? I'm not sure how (still need to flesh it out) but I'm thinking either that everypony in Ponyville is some sort of android developed by Celestia, or simply a figment of Twilight's imagination. She slowly begins to uncover this throughout each episode with tie-ins, such as "Too Many Pinkie Pies" actually being a malfunction in the production line that creates Pinkie Pies, or Derpy's eyes being another smaller malfunction in the system that Celestia decided to keep. I get the feeling this had been done before, but then again I haven't seen anything remotely like it. Even if it hasn't been done, it can spark my own interest, but not others.

Anyways, thanks for any advice offered!
>> No. 127183
A short one-shot based on this scene from "Schindler's List."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5lQA3bipHc
It would be a conversation between Celestia and Blueblood, in the aftermath of the Grand Galloping Gala.
Blueblood will be furious, and wanting vengance, but Celestia will have a conversation about justice, power, and control.
It could also act as a "redemption" for Blueblood from the way he is usually portrayed in fanfics.
There is also a tiny bit of canon in this because we see him next to Rarity in "Sweet and Elite" in Season 2, during the zeppelin scene.
>> No. 127209
File 136479197910.jpg - (150.42KB , 961x556 , image.jpg )
127209
>>119870
can we make this a Fic??
>> No. 127340
I've slowly been scraping together a story based on the movie The Incredibles, but have hit a few hurdles along the way story-wise.

Here's a summary:

Equestria is quickly changing. Outrage towards Celestia's uncovered schemes of holding back the advancement of magic and technology are revealed as more and more villains return from a thousand years ago. Some use advanced technology to perpetrate crimes, and others begin to play the victim and try to turn public opinion against the princesses. The Elements of Harmony are on a vacation in Manehattan when a new string of villains appear.

Spike follows them as a wannabe 7th Element, but is a little too forceful in his assistance.

After Spike causes a city-wide disaster, Celestia disbands the Elements of Harmony and steps down as ruler of Equestria. The princesses disappear, leaving a huge power gap in Canterlot. As a result, technology suddenly advances at an alarming rate over the next ten years; leading to the creation and mass-production of magical automatons and computers. The Elements of Harmony disappear from their lives in Ponyville.

Rarity uses the controversy to push herself to new heights in the fashion world, Rainbow Dash turns into the mystery Wonderbolt, Pinkie Pie is a wedding planner and lives with Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Applejack settle down together, and Twilight is rarely seen outside her laboratory.

The CMC are more or less the Incredible kids from the movie, Applejack is the Mr. Incredible and married to Fluttershy. The movie will be centered around them, while the other Elements will be more supportive until the fight at the end.

The only real problems I have are finding a way to make Applejack lie to Fluttershy about her involvement in super-heroing again, and making Spike a sympathetic villain while staying true to his more peaceful personality.

Last edited at Mon, Apr 15th, 2013 09:24

>> No. 127346
Here's my Idea for a story:
Human in Equestria:
A young man (not my avatar in any way, shape or form, and "hopefully" not a Gary Stue) meets Starswirl the Bearded and becomes somewhat of an apprentice after Starswirl recognizes the boy needs some parental love and friendship. At some point Starswirl invites the boy to come home with him to the Unicorn Kingdom, but the spells has unkown side effects and the hero is stranded in Man-6 Era Equestria.
Meanwhile a dark evil stirs in the ruins of what once was the kingdoms of the three Tribes and our Hero is drafted into defending the Realm.
Possibly "Winter is coming" (or "Whatever happened to the Wendigos?")
Possible OC - Twilight/Luna/Fluttershy - Romance

Summary:Title: The Wizard of Equestria or "Whatever happened to them Wendigos?"
Tags:#Human; #Romance; #Action, #Drama

Synopsis: What started out as a birthday trip from his Mentor Starswirl, an odd stranger that taught him Magic and Alchemy, quickly goes awry when Human Gabriel Walker awakens to find himself not in the promised Unicorn Kingdom but within the Everfree Forest with no clue about his Mentor's whereabouts.
A chance encounter with Twilight Sparkle leads to a shocking discovery: Starswirl has not only been a Unicorn Pony all along, but also missing for millenia, obviously long dead. Now Gabriel must follow clues left behind by Starswirl to discover his way home as well as try to stop the resurgence of an ancient Power that threatened to doom Ponykind once before, when the dreaded Wendigos return in a new form.
But personal problems threaten his quest as possible romance leads to ill feelings between friends which not only weakens the Elements of Harmony but strengthens the enemy as well. His new life in Equestria also shows him what he's been missing, leading to self-discovery, and he begins to question his desire to return home to a family that neither wants nor cares for him.

Currently I have one possible Prologue of 1616 Words.
But I am considering an alternate opening in medias Res. ("I hate dark Forests at night")
Third Person limited,
Too cliche? Been done too often?

Additional Info required? Should I not have posted this on StoryForge? Looking for possible Reviewer/Alpha Reader on the Prologue

Last edited at Tue, Apr 16th, 2013 14:01

>> No. 127352
File 136616722695.gif - (11.92KB , 255x267 , dancing Discord.gif )
127352
>>127346
>Human Gabriel Walker

First: A human? Really? You do realize that ponies don't need outside help and anything with a human will be instantly hated. Heck i'll gleefully downvote it on principal because anything with humans will almost always feature terrible writing.
If fact i'll say that a human would be by definition a gary stu: thumbs being a major advantage, not to mention all the other bonuses.

>Starswirl has not only been a Unicorn Pony all along

A unicorn! Wow I would never have guessed.

>But personal problems threaten his quest as possible romance leads to ill feelings between friends which not only weakens the Elements of Harmony but strengthens the enemy as well. His new life in Equestria also shows him what he's been missing, leading to self-discovery, and he begins to question his desire to return home to a family that neither wants nor cares for him.

Might as well consign this section to a fire. The usual human subplot (*gag*) and a romance between a human and pony. I don't care how biggus dickus your human might be, because by equine standards he might as well not have one.

>A young man (not my avatar in any way, shape or form)

You drew attention to the possiblity and now it's an inevtiable thought. Especially as protagonists tend to reflect their authors.

>Should I not have posted this on StoryForge?

Oh you're in the right place. Because this story needs to be dumped back into the forge and be remade.


And now comes the advice.

If it's not clear: Drop the human, use a pony oc or an existing pony. Heck make it Star Swirl himself traveling to the future to hunt down his old enemy. Then reconsider romance as a plot, it can be a subplot but you shouldn't make it a major thing because this is a story about an adventure.

Read this thread: http://mlpchan.net/fic/res/3348.html
This post in particular: http://mlpchan.net/fic/res/3348.html#3701

In fact I suggest reading every guide linked in the training grounds as well.

Then once you have educated yourself replan your story's structure and plot. because...
Writing is a long process. Make sure you are not wasting your time by writing 300k words that nopony will read.
This is very important, it's in bold it has to be.
>> No. 127360
>>127352

>Human Gabriel Walker

So have you been jaded by too many bad fics? (not meant sarcastically )
True about the Gary Stu part: but just opposable thumbs is (hopefully) not enough of an advantage.
First: it's about Magic and how it differs from Pony to Others (human in this case)
Second: Don't forget our physical weaknesses (compared to Ponies: speed, stamina over long distances) are one of the reasons why mankind had to use ingenuity in order to survive
If I add to the story: Go to solutions to Ponies: Tolerate the F outta you: Go to solution for Human: Look a levitation spell, let's watch you fall from fifty feet -> as an inherent conflict

>Starswirl, a Unicorn Pony? Who knew?
Well we do, the ponies do, the Character finds out that his mentor kept a huge part about himself a secret, leading to questions of what else Starswirl "neglected" to mention -> conflict

> typical human romance subplot: Equine "standards"
the romance was more of subplot and intended to be more on the platonic side (in the end, anyway),
didn't intend to write "clop", so size wasn't an issue
In order to breed conflict within the Mane 6, I considered the following: Friendships can fall fairly easy, when friends fall for the same person, and in a battle against Wendigos - according to Hearth's Warming Eve - strife strengthens them, as well as disrupting the group dynamic (hurray for conflict)
I am open to other ideas: could I generate the same kind of conflict simply by stating that part of the group is willing to give the new guy a chance, while the other still considers him a potentially dangerous outlier? Rainbow's loyalty to her friends could be used, by making her overprotective (but I don't want a Rainbow-centric fic)
Applejack's honesty could be put to the test, because she hates to admit she's wary off the stranger due to his difference, which she knows is wrong but "he just ain't like nopony Ah've ever met"
while Rarity's desire for fashion could not only lead to her interest in the human world ("So how many off these clothes would you need, Darling?") as well as potential strife with Spike ("What's so interesting about this fella? ... Just 'cause he wears clothes all the time ...")
and Twilight's curiosity of someone who actually met Starswirl the Bearded and was taught by him (true, Starswirl himself could be interesting, but I wonder if I could mess with him as much) and she discovers similar interests (love for books and reading and the pursuit of Magic)
And Pinkie Pie struggling with fear of the eerie Stranger (remember Zacora?) and the desire to meet a potential new friend (Pinkie is to "insane" for me)

> personal Avatar:
forget I mentioned it, it's more along the lines of a fear of mine; putting too much of myself in the character and ending up with a Gary Stu so as not to look too foolish or inept

> you mentioned you dislike HiE-Fics on principal:
what would it need to spark your interest? What would make you want to read despite your trepidations?

Last edited at Wed, Apr 17th, 2013 04:48

>> No. 127382
>>127352
One does not dictate a writer just to tailor a story or fan fic to fit the audience's desire for a particular plot. In your argument you stated:
>>First: A human? Really? You do realize that ponies don't need outside help and anything with a human will be instantly hated. Heck i'll gleefully downvote it on principal because anything with humans will almost always feature terrible writing.
If fact i'll say that a human would be by definition a gary stu: thumbs being a major advantage, not to mention all the other bonuses.
My Little Dashie contained a human in it and you gleefully downvoting it... you sir are prejudice and are not a brony/pegasister as you are a hater. We are to tolerate everyone's artwork, whether good or bad. They all have good intentions its just not very many people are good with their english.
>> No. 127383
File 136647546109.jpg - (25.51KB , 500x450 , No Face.jpg )
127383
>>127382
You do not seem to understand. There are no humans in G4.
Yet the sheer number of HiE self inserts is remarkable, one wonders how it even happens. Something encourages these people to spend hours upon hours writing something that is simply disliked for existing.

Perhaps there is a reason? Or perhaps I could sit here and ignore it, much like often do.
Or I could tell these writers that the concept is unloved in the most direct way. Downvoting.
One downvote is a fluke, when it gets past 50% of the total something is wrong.

The time spent writing these HiE fics is time that could have been devoted to something else. Time is not free.

I do not hate those authors. I'm just sending them a message that can't be deleted. Think of it like tough love (if not tolerance)

My advice? Forget about humans: forget they exist when you write about ponies. Humans have good qualities, yes, but there are human things that don't have a place in a world of sunshine and rainbows.

If I want to hear about the human condition there are a lot of other books in this world.

Last edited at Sat, Apr 20th, 2013 09:32

>> No. 127384
File 136647593909.jpg - (17.17KB , 125x52 , I like this thread.jpg )
127384
>>127383
Now, since the thread has been successfully derailed we now need to restore it.

I am the anonymous reviewer/troll. I shall tell you what is wrong and how to fix it.

Here's a free concept: Twilight's third aunt twice removed (don't ask) has unfortunately passed and left her distant relative a haunted castle.
Hilarity Ensues.

A well worn concept: but if you're writing a comedy/suspense/mystery fic you're not going to be big on plot concept.

Who should be involved and why? What conflict is generated? and how did Pinkie Pie catch that ghost?

Last edited at Sat, Apr 20th, 2013 09:39

>> No. 127385
File 136648024061.png - (67.63KB , 605x705 , photo_3.png )
127385
>>127382
>We are to tolerate everyone's artwork, whether good or bad.
Bullshit.
I'm here to enjoy good art, avoid bad art, and enjoy ponydom. This also involves tolerating and respecting others. This does not involve disregarding one's own opinions, likes, dislikes, and so forth.
If you write shit, I'm going to tell you that you've written shit. I will also tell you why. This is so you can become a better writer, and more competently express your thoughts to others.
There is such a thing as bad art. Identifying this art as bad is not 'intolerance'. It is accuracy. If you would like others to praise your art, work at creating better art.
>> No. 127394
Hm... Well, the above is a can of acidic worms I'll try my best not to spill.

Alrighty. I've had it in my head to pull out an old work of mine from one of the minific Write-Offs and revise it into a larger work. The one in particular I'm looking at is my shortfic "Rainfall in Providence," which recieved fifth place (this was before that nasty spell of badfic entries I submitted to later Write-Offs). It can still be found on the FiMfic anthology:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/55587/28/the-price-of-a-dream/rainfall-in-providence

The plan is simply to give the story a better conflict and then flesh it out to whatever length suits the new revision best. My question to you, dear StoryForge department of /fic/, is whether the idea in its current standing is fit for a new suede suit, as the case might be. Or, should I just trunk it and work on whatever else I might be working on at the moment?
>> No. 127403
File 136661104217.gif - (82.10KB , 681x493 , Uh huh.gif )
127403
>>127394
So a story about how Celestia and Luna came to be and their fall from the heavens above, or Pegasopolis.

Sounds mildly interesting, especially as there is an obvious conflict between Celestia and her parents. You'll have to flesh out a lot to make it worthwhile, but there's probably a story here.

Post a few more details and we'll judge what other ideas you'll include.

Thoughts:
Primarily set before or after the fall?
The significance of the weather and Celestia's parents. Are the injuries to Atmos responsible for Equestria's need to manually control weather?
Same again for the earth and wildlife for the mother? (I'm assuming she's called Terra)
Was Luna a willing party?
Does Luna resent Celestia for her exile?
>> No. 127410
>>127403
>Primarily set before or after the fall?
Before.

>Are the injuries to Atmos responsible for Equestria's need to manually control weather?
Even though I hadn't thought of it in that light, I'll certainly say yes, indeed it is.

>Same again for the earth and wildlife for the mother?
Again, wasn't in my mind, but I'm not denying that that is a possibility.

>Was Luna a willing party?
I don't know. I'll be discovery-writing the longer version, figuring out where what goes when and how. Still, questions are welcome, and I'll answer them the best I can.

From the little I've added so far, the story seems to be going in the direction that there is/was a conspiratorial group of mage-gods who, in a Bene Gesserit-esque conception program, sought to introduce into the royal bloodline a pegasus endowed with their magic, for the usual conspiratorial reasons.
>> No. 127411
>>127410
>From the little I've added so far, the story seems to be going in the direction that there is/was a conspiratorial group of mage-gods who, in a Bene Gesserit-esque conception program, sought to introduce into the royal bloodline a pegasus endowed with their magic, for the usual conspiratorial reasons.

aaaaannnnnndddd sold.
>> No. 127433
File 136695836354.jpg - (16.03KB , 210x304 , The Baron 2.jpg )
127433
I...have a request.

This is a call to the 'brainstorming' side of this thread. My story is up, running, and doing rather decent, but I need help figuring out one of my characters. I have how she presents herself, but her underlying causes, her backstory, how she thinks...well, that I need help with.

I am requesting help from the female side of the equation here, simply for experience's sake, but I will not deny help from anybody. The reading of my story is, I believe, unnecessary for this evolution (I mean, you can if you want to, but the story is fairly long right now and the character is minor so far).

I don't want to drop the rest on this thread, especially since (I hope) there could be long discussion. I shall then, therefore, provide this elegant and finely-crafted link for the purpose:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DQB97Xb_3l6BaprFN0Z8SwHL676Bfe62Jl0OBghb2b4/edit
If you wish to throw in two cents (or more), feel free to follow along.







↓unnecessary↓
>>120124
↑unnecessary↑
>> No. 127480
File 136759127328.jpg - (442.39KB , 1120x700 , rainbowraiden.jpg )
127480
I'll say the same thing I said on fimchan and mlpchan: I want to write a Metal Gear fic, specifically one based on Rising, but the entire series has some great materials. It's just that I don't know how to transition from the show's setting to something that would allow all the high drama and combat spectacle that would allow this story to work.

So far, I've only been able to think of using a Post-Fallout-Equestria setting; we've got robots, firearms and armed conflict are something ponies are familiar with... but it feels a mite too recursive.

Another possibility would be to use the Optimalverse setting; CelestAI is having a dramatic effect on the makeup of the world, and, while I think she's a firm believer that "Violence is the last resort of the incompetent", I wouldn't put it past her to intervene in military conflicts (presumably to end them), nor to use amazingly superpowered cyborgs for that purpose. She could be like a benevolent version of the Patriots... in fact, a duel between her and the Patriot AI's might be an interesting thing to write.

As Raiden would say in "The War Still Rages Within", "The only way out of the cycle, is to strike out and pave your own way" (says the guy who writes crossover fanfics...)

I mean, just *look* at this picture, doesn't it make your fingers *itch* to write? This energy needs to be *released*.

It's time for DASH, to LET 'ER RIP!

Last edited at Fri, May 3rd, 2013 07:29

>> No. 127485
>>127480
Tough room, huh?
>> No. 127486
>>127485
Considering MGS is the sort of franchise you either love or wish to stay as far away as the law permits because it's more or less impenetrable, I think the problem is that post is too poor to offer anything to actually help from for people that don't have the time to sit down and read Hideo Kojima's techno-fantasy fever dream epic.
>> No. 127540
File 136850584400.png - (477.57KB , 830x554 , 17917__safe_humanized_artist-emlan_dumbbell_hoops_score.png )
127540
I don't know why this bothers me but I've suddenly realized that there is no fanfiction about the Cloudsdale bullies. You know, those three guys Hoops, Dumbbell and Score?

Yet there is EVER GROWING fan-work for several background ponies most of which have hardly ever uttered a word or phrase let alone speak directly to any of the main characters.

Like Blossomforth and Cloudchaser...Seriously? How are people able to create wild interpretations of character out of thin air. Because I'm pretty sure these background ponies have never spoken a word.

How can it be that people can write epics about Lyra and HANDS which is something 100% fabricated by the fandom. Yet I can barely find three fan fictions about these guys?

Are they...just not interesting? Too stereotypical? ....Male?
>> No. 127541
>>127540
It's just mostly porn.

Gay porn to be precise.
>> No. 127542
>>127541

I figured that was the state of fanfiction in general tbh. But seriously the only time these characters seem to show up is in fics about other characters. Namely Dash and Fluttershy. And usually in a flashback.

Otherwise one story was them being gay and and the last story I ever saw one of them in, Fluttershy practically killed Hoops. A creepy OOC fest. And like I mentioned before, it was a flashback.

So what am I asking? Would anyone have any ideas on how to write these guys? Personal fanon? Hidden interests/bizarre characterizations?

Even pairing ideas? But like the guy above said, they only seem to be paired with each other.
>> No. 127546
>>127542

Well I'm probably one of the few who support this. One of my favorite relationship tropes in regards to romance is the "slap slap kiss" trope. And I totally can see this with Bell and Dash even after the bullies start respecting her at the end of Sonic Rainboom. I guess I could call myself a bit of a DumbbellDash shipper.

One thing that always confused me about them though is...being a weather pony seems to be a common job up in Cloudsdale. Even though I'm sure not every pegasi's cutie mark has anything to do with weather control.

So for Dumbbell, Hoops and Score. Do their cutie marks simply reflect their favorite pass times? Because their regular jobs have nothing to do with sports.

Also Pegasus basket ball. Wings...How the fuck does that work?
>> No. 127547
>>127352
Having thumbs isn't a bonus. As far as dexterity with objects is concerned the lack of fingers has never been an issue.
>> No. 127548
File 136855172758.png - (315.57KB , 500x383 , tumblr_lhcoovylAV1qeuz19o1_500.png )
127548
>>127383
Humans have been in this world of sunshine and rainbows before. So how about your pull your dick out your mouth and just help the guy write a good story.

Also. Want to read a fantastic fanfic with a human in it? Read the Dresden Fillies. Having knowledge of the Dresden Files books is kind of a prereq though.
>> No. 127549
File 136859258184.png - (459.63KB , 697x1146 , DiscordLikeaSir.png )
127549
>>127548
Allow me to elaborate.
The Dresden Fillies works through a crossover concept. The fact that Dresden is a human is entirely secondary to the fact he is a wizard.
An ever greater plus in his favour is that his character blends well with the situation and his existing tendency toward protecting innocents carries his entire interaction with the mane 6.

There a few other key examples that follow a similar path and work.

That said
THE VAST MAJORITY OF HUMAN FICS DO NOT APPROACH EQUESTRIA THROUGH A REASONABLE CROSSOVER.

thus the previous are simply exceptions due to their crossover nature. Anything else will be downvoted, by me, on sight. And it's not just me that will do that either.
>> No. 127550
File 136859273323.gif - (11.92KB , 255x267 , dancing Discord.gif )
127550
So let me lay this out simply in logic.

IF character is crossed over from a fantasy/Sci-fi world
THEN you may write, with caution, like any crossover.
ELSE don't write it.

Normal crossover rules apply. It must fit reasonably in the reader's mind and if it does not then you shouldn't bother.
>> No. 127551
>>127550

Well you make good sense and your opinions are convincing. I'm just starting to read the Dresden fic's sequel and holy shit I'm so happy Bob is in on this adventure.

But anyway that's off topic. I've read at least 2 fanfiction that did a good job with humans.....aaaand I need to go find them but not now because I'm sleepy as fuck. I don't even know if I'm allowed to post links to other fanfiction here. Is that against the rules?

I honestly think its unfair to down vote HiE on site. Granted the majority of HiE I've ever seen, I have also down voted. But I read at least 2 chapters. Well usually only 1 chapter. 2 if I'm feeling lenient.

I don't know how but pretty much all of them make the same damn mistakes. It's like a genetic fanfiction sickness or something. Most of the mistakes are blatant yet oft repeated. One of the most dire being human x pony sex. Like...I'm sorry if I offend but fucking lay off with that. It's disgusting!

Then...of course you look at fics like Xenophilia. 3408 likes to a mere 82 dislikes. Dude I really don't think your down votes will effect the current status of HiE any time soon.

I don't go to EqD but I know on FimFiction...isn't HiE nearly the second most popular genre on the entire site? If not, it's still somehow insanely popular.

I'd say to the guy who wants to write an HiE. Make your human a fucking female. Sure the female human isn't super rare in these types of stories. But its rare enough that people may actually be willing to give your story a second glance. Also from what I've seen, most readers aren't expecting a human female protagonist to go around humping the residence of ponyville.

Male humans are over common. The stories they are in usually dripping with yecky sexual perversion as Zach the Human consummates his burning passion for Rarity on the cold tiled floor of the Carousel Boutique. And it's to a point that readers are expecting clop at some point. DON'T BE ONE OF THOSE! I swear the human race quickly forgets there are other ways to love others that doesn't involve sticking pole A into slot B. A simple friendship would be refreshing!

It's called Friendship is Magic. Not Fucking is Magic!
>> No. 127552
>>127088

Problem with that is KKat is a terrible writer and the only reason so many people liked that story is because of the Fallout half.

It's right there with fics like Xenophilia. How they became so adored is beyond me. It boggles the mind.

But KKat's story is nothing compared to its "sequel" .

Project Horizons does little else but writhe in a pool of Darkness Induced Audience Apathy. It's 100% Grimdark-Wangst, the author failes utterly at making his characters likable or the situation they are in not seem like hopeless monotony. It's too long, you can't tell the good guys apart from the bad guys, and everybody loves it!

I've just come to the conclusion that the majority of fanfiction readers like bad things.
>> No. 127553
>>127552
Someone will shoot me for this, but I want to say I'm merely parroting what I was told:

Fallout Equestria's writing is nowhere near bad, but it certainly leaves much to be desired and shows the clear and obvious need to editors and proof-readers which weren't merely fans who were eager to help. All the elements and qualities necessary for the writer and the story to enter into the truly good and perhaps even excellent category is the there, but Kkat either didn't have the will, the time, or the energy to attempt to do that and now you have a beginning which might as well not be there for all it contributes to interest and a treatment of relationships which would be good if the average wasn't brought down by the Littlepip and Homage one to the abyss.

So, why is it loved? You might disagree, but nothing in the world will convince me that Tolkien is a good writer. Circumlocutory in unjustifiable ways, characters which couldn't receive any other title other than crutch, and just terribly uninteresting beginning make his Magnus Opus be nothing more than a forced read in the best of situations, and nuts directed kicks at the worse.

So why is The Lords of the Rings so famous and praised so much? Because, despite all the efforts Tolkien did to the contrary, the world and the underlying conflicts of the story was one of the greatest ones that has ever come from written literature, and because of that the notion of fantasy has somehow become standardized in what can only be called "the many faces of Middle Earth". His quest might just be a linear succession with a focus on very particular, and small, group of actually developed characters, but the world was so extensive and the history so deep anyone could become part of it and in fact many did. Lost in this imaginary world, praise for Lord of the Rings became standard and has now entered, for some groups, into the English canon. Even if the books, when compared to contemporaries, where weak, overly long, and at times contrived.

What does this have to do with Fallout Equestria? The Wasteland is Middle Earth. No other story will reach that massive following unless they can someone manage to also give people a massive playset where they can put themselves in. Dangerous Business shot itself by making the exploration too formulaic, Antipodes shot itself in the foot by being generally bad and schizophrenic, and all other stories have simply not have anything to merit them from getting too much fame. Except the Conversion Bureau, but those stories are feeding from a bad story and thus will remain niche at best.

Now go and explore, as many are certain to start doing sooner rather than later.


I guess it was pretty much in the money and a good explanation as to why. People forgive a lot of flaws because it gave them The Wasteland, just as people did for LotR because it gave us Middle Earth.
>> No. 127555
>>127553

Whoever that person is can take a flying leap off the Golden Gate bridge for comparing KKat to fucking Tolkien.
>> No. 127556
I have the skeleton of a story idea running through my head. It would focus mostly on Pegasus and Cloudsdale.

The basic idea is that weather handles itself naturally. Ponies will populate an area and more or less take over how the climate behaves . Of course the biggest job goes to the Pegasus. But what if they suddenly lost the ability to control it?

Or to be more accurate, if somebody stole their ability to control it?

The main character would be Rainbow Dash and a varying few background ponies to round out the cast as they investigate the sudden jarring disruption of their weather control abilities and try to figure out how to get it back.

I suppose the biggest damsel in distress would be Cloudsdale itself. Not long after the weather control ability is lost does the pegasus city slowly begin to dissipate.
>> No. 127558
>>127555
By the way it's written, it's safe to say that's probably Sam who wrote that.

>>127556
That sounds like a pretty neat story there. You might want give it some meat.
>> No. 127559
File 136876753182.jpg - (37.84KB , 283x332 , weather_vane_new.jpg )
127559
>>127558

Thanks! I'm glad you see something in that scant summary that looks promising. Right now I'm trying to outline the story and do exactly that, give it more meat. I kind of came here hoping for a bit of help on that front. I can come up with ideas quickly but pulling it off is a different story.

So I guess there are some things that need to be figured out before I can start.

1. Who is the antagonist and what is his/her motivation? At this point I'm calling the villain The Weather Witch. The smallest of nods to an old as hell G1 audio book I had when I was little. The witch controlled the weather. So in this story she/he does the same. A unique creature or maybe the more intelligent version of a Windego.

2. Flesh out Cloudsdale as a setting. i.e. Okay we know pegasus can mush clouds together and move them here and there. But how are they kept in one place? Magic? "Cloud ropes" ?

3. I forgot that Las Pegasus existed. Since the show neglects all locations save for Canterlot and the Crystal Empire. But I wonder how the destruction of Cloudsdale would effect Las Pegasus if at all.

4. The background characters, who will they be and what role will they fill in the story.

So far those are the major things. And they are unfortunately pretty big important things.

Last edited at Thu, May 16th, 2013 22:48

>> No. 127560
>>127559
Ehmm... you have no idea whatsoever about any of those? Well, seeing how you have more of an idea rather than a plot in mind, I'll get back to you some time later, cause it's already too damn late over here.
>> No. 127561
File 136877014804.png - (195.39KB , 801x954 , Like a chaotic sir.png )
127561
>>127559
Antagonists... Hmm, the only group I could think of that would want the weather to fall out of pegasus control would be the Windigos. As well as some bitter bastard willing to help them

Also it's Los Pegasus, as in Los Angeles. Of course it's got a normal city under it as well judging by the Applewood sign on the map. I think I saw a fic recently that did Vegas on top, and LA below. That would mean refugees from above could just go downstairs.
>> No. 127562
>>127560
I do have some basic ideas. I guess I'll go on ahead and elaborate some. I hate writing walls o text and its late over here. So I was really contemplating sleep. But meh I'll just give it a go.

1. Who is the antagonist and what is his/her motivation? At this point I'm calling the villain The Weather Witch. The smallest of nods to an old as hell G1 audio book I had when I was little. The witch controlled the weather. So in this story she/he does the same. A unique creature or maybe the more intelligent version of a Windigo.

2.Flesh out Cloudsdale as a setting. i.e. Okay we know pegasus can mush clouds together and move them here and there. But how are they kept in one place? Magic? "Cloud ropes" ? I guess this is more obvious than I thought. We've seen very little of the place but it's function in the world is highly important. At least to ponies it is. No one else seems to give a damn about controlling the weather.

Without Cloudsdale there is no weather control. But does this mean 0 weather or just no pony preferred weather? I doubt natural weather is all that bad unless it was controlled by something none too kind. Hence a bad guy.

I say this because there must be climate forces outside of their control, cloud city or no. They somehow can't control Everfree's weather and the Windigos seemed to also be beyond their power until all of pony kind stopped being selfish. But that has nothing to do with weather control.

3.Los Pegasus Don't know which came first. This place or Cloudsdale. I'll suppose this one came second because I got the impression from Hearth's Warming Eve that the pegasi wanted little to do with the ground. When Cloudsdale is destroyed a lot of pegasus will migrate to Las Pegs or wherever else they might choose so there is no real threat of over crowding. There may be a second weather factory here.

4.The background characters Who will they be and what role will they fill in the story.

Spitfire is constantly popping up as a leader figure among the population so she'd be involved no doubt. Whoever else, I don't know.

Last edited at Thu, May 16th, 2013 23:21

>> No. 127564
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127564
>>127562

You could use Pegasi (Am I using the right term? Pegasi is plural, right?) that have been the focus of a scene at some point, and have had at least a few speaking lines maybe? This might narrow down who you'd consider though to be honest none of the background ponies have a plethora of rich personality or character traits. Nothing more than what bronies attribute to them. And I would take that with a grain of salt.

So in the end who you use is probably of little consequence. Maybe there are fan favorites like Derpy if you want to consider. Unless you're against pandering. Two obvious choices would be Spitfire and Soarin.

The only problem with that is they may come off as OCs.
>> No. 127565
>>127564
There was this one awesome post which could be summarized to "pegasus can have whatever plural you fucking want."
>> No. 127575
>>127565

I'll keep that in mind.

Hey what are the odds ever of finding a Co-Writer here or someplace like it?
>> No. 127611
I'm a fan of deconstructions. And since EG is going to come out soon, I'd like to see a decon of that - Twilight, and perhaps some of the other mane six are sent through the portal by Celestia, who is actually a changeling/Chrysalis (or maybe she's Tyrannestia). In the human world, they are naked, in a strange body that they don't know how to use, and in a place where people speak a language they aren't familiar with.

They fight to find food, clothes, shelter, etc.. Meanwhile, Chrysalis/Tyrannestia is taking over, forcing several unicorns to try and somehow contact the mane six in the human world.
>> No. 127686
>>127562

Hi again. I kind of forgot about this place for a while. I wanted to pop my head back in with a few changes to my idea and see if I could get some feedback.

The Antagonist(s). It took me a while to figure what I wanted the bad guy to be. Finally I decided to settle on a weather elemental. Or 3 separate elementals, wind, water, and heat. Possible understudies of Discord and recent escapees from Tartarus.

They had been captured and tossed in there many years before Cloudsdale was even created. Due to their lack of cooperation with the princesses in Equestria's early years, to create safe weather for their subjects and several times drummed up many violent storms simply out of spite.

They aren't evil but more along the line of chaotic neutral to give any kind of idea of what they are like personality wise. Most undesirable weather was a result of rough housing. Angry crop destroying hurricanes or blindingly thick fog were usually the result of someone trying to tell them what to do.

So what do you guys think about that?

Last edited at Sat, Jun 1st, 2013 20:30

>> No. 127688
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127688
So, I've been working on what's supposed to be a hybrid of an adventure fic and Octavia x Big Macintosh shipfic entitled Rustic Charm [www.fimfiction.net]. The problem is that with my most recent chapter, I've run into a biiiiiiit of a hiccup.

The adventure aspect I can write pretty well, and dialogue isn't too much of an issue for me. But when it comes down to the actual romance, I'm drawing a total creative blank for some reason.

What I've got is at the link above, but If you want to take a peek at the chapter most recent unsubmitted chapter that's a total unfinished, unedited mess, though... just shoot me an e-mail,
>> No. 127713
File 137037921186.png - (520.30KB , 443x650 , NightmareMoon.png )
127713
Hello pony people I am thinking of writing a fic where characters from different universes from the mlp multiverse are summoned by twilus ( the magical titan and creator figure from .mov and ask jappleack) to stop a villain bent on corrupting and destroying entire universes for his own gain I am interested if you had any ideas for characters note no oc's im looking for show characters twisted somewhat or figures from the shows past or future ( kids of show characters) im still in the brainstorming stages so I would love your input if I do use your idea I will site you in the authors notes
>> No. 127743
File 137062332792.gif - (419.14KB , 240x180 , 1346452964485.gif )
127743
I'm copying and pasting this from the last thread, since everyone moved onto the new thread before I made the post.

I've been playing around with this idea for a fair bit, but I've always been hesitant to write it since it's based off of a pairing that's not really well known. It's essentially playing around with the idea of Soartavia. It sounds weird, but for some reason I find it cute and it seems like it has plenty of possibilities, especially since it's not explored that much.

I don't want to jump into the relationship right away, and I want to spend time developing their relationship. I've thought about how I should tell it, one idea of just going through Soarin's whole backstory (including how he gets into the Wonderbolts and met Octavia) while he's on vacation from an injury, or just get right into Soarin and Octavia's first encounter. It would've been a first person perspective through Soarin, but I'm not entirely sure.

I'm unsure how to approach this, and I don't want to make this come off as forgettable or cheesy. I've thought about trying to forget about it and try using some of the ideas for another project not related to ponies, but it just keeps coming back to me. I want to get it out of my system, but I want to get out the right way.

What do you guys think?
>> No. 127765
File 137108625231.jpg - (189.20KB , 960x640 , image.jpg )
127765
I want someone to make a Parody/Crossover fic about Equestria Girls and The Last of Us.

In The Last of Us, there are two people who are trying survive in a Post-Apocalyptic Landscape. They’re on a journey to reach a resistance outpost run by a group called the Fireflies, they’re fighting the U.S. Military.

There are four parties in The Last of Us.

The Fireflies – A resistance group of survivors that fight the US Military, Savages, and Infected.

US Military – they tried to stop the events that decimated the world. Now they’ve become hell bent on trying to control everyone.

Savages – Survivors who kill other survivors and take their things. They don’t associate with the Fireflies. They don’t care who they kill.

The Infected – In the game, the events that changed the world happened to be started by these guys. They were once humans infected by a vicious fungal plant that’s evolving humans into monsters.

The two protagonists in the Game are survivors trying to reach the Fireflies. About the two of them, there is the man who knew the world before the events, and there is the younger girl knows only the world that’s changed.

This is where I had this idea, but I want someone else to write it.

In the parody-

Those two protagonists could be a brony who remembered the world of Season One, and the second could be the pegasister who knew only the world of Season Four.

The fireflies could be the FyreFlyes.

The US Military could be Hasbro, but it could be abbreviated H so there won’t be any sort of trouble.

The Savages could be like /mlp/ or something else.

The Infected are of course The Equestria Girls.

I don’t know how the FiM universe would be brought into this, but it should be included.

I’m terrible at writing and yes this is a serious post.
>> No. 127768
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127768
Hey, everypony.

I just wanted to kick this around the Story Forge and see if I couldn’t get it in a mite better shape.

June Silence (Working Title)
Tags: Crossover and Mystery

Everything here is tentative and subject to change.

Elevator pitch:
A horoscope writer’s attempt to make his predictions more accurate causes his life to start running in reverse.

Longer explanation:
This is intended as an adaptation of Algernon Blackwood’s John Silence, Physician Extraordinary. The first main character is Perry Pierce (see attached image), a horoscope writer for one of Canterlot’s numerous tabloids. In an ill-advised attempt to procure more accurate horoscopes, he contracts Merlin Sickness; specifically, he “remembers” his future but not his past. Whatever he divines from this newfound power would be one of the driving forces of the story (perhaps a terrible catastrophe will arise in the near future), while the other driving force would be an undecided personal conflict. Being virtually deprived of his free will, Perry Pierce has a metal breakdown and winds up in a mental ward for magical maladies.

The second main character, an earth pony that goes by the name June Silence, received a substantial inheritance at one point in her life and used it to explore the more obscure phenomena of the mystical sciences. She decides to take Perry’s case, to help him return to normal as well as to stop whatever has been haunting his visions.

PoV will either be third-person limited or cinematic (objective).

Points requiring help:
-Perry Pierce’s personal motivation (what core character trait drives him to want better horoscopes, etc.)
- June Silence’s personal motivation (Is she atoning for a past sin?)
-the vaguely terrible thing Perry sees (What might it be?)
-the ailment (I’ve got a general idea of how it should work, but I might change it up—instead of remembering the future, he starts seeing the present in horrific details, or forgets his past, or can’t form new memories, etc.)
-the genre (I’m not entirely sure about Mystery)
-the tone (Should it be a story highly personal and focused on lost equinity? Or should it be a story about ponies battling the grand Otherness? Or something else?)
-possible endings

Those are just a few of the points. Any input from you guys would be greatly appreciated.

Last edited at Thu, Jun 13th, 2013 12:09

>> No. 127895
File 137240050153.jpg - (132.29KB , 500x575 , relentless.jpg )
127895
OH HI GUISE!

So, I've actually decided to stop procrastinating and started to work on my first fic for realsies.
Now, maybe the description is still around here, it was a deconstruction of the My Little Dashie sub-genre of ponifics with Fluttershy as the featured pony.

Right now I'm undecided as to whether harm Flutters physically to show an extreme case of negligence or just keep it classy and limit it to a psychological level.

If there's no major physical neglect she'd just have chipped wings, but if she does get the physical harm she'd get a burn scar on her face, a broken leg and scabs all over.

My problem here is that I want it to have some weight into its message and I was going to try the shocking way to do so, but I'm not really fond of it now.
It just sounds crass and edgy to me, although some of it could add, I repeat myself, to the message that I want to convey as the extra harm could play into pulling some heartstrings if I manage to pull out whatever I have planned.

Thoughts?
>> No. 128018
quick question:

im in the process of writing a story about flash sentry and twilight on a adventure in the pony world, im kinda torn between making it a serious but fun story or a really bad, stupidly funny comedy

both have the same premise its how the characters interect

the serious one will try to get as clost to how they talk in the show as possible while the comedy one will be random and over the top

so what should i go with?
>> No. 128059
So I'm new to the whole "writing" thing and new to this site. But the idea of writing a fanfic spontaneously formed on my head and kinda just stayed there. So after some months of thought I actually sat down and began to write this.

It's a "comedy/adventure/two humans in Equestria" deal. I already have the first chapter started.

The basic premise; Goon-A and Goon-N (not the actual names) arrive in Equestria via portal. Sooner or later, I'll put in the reason why this happened by adding in villain character.

So I want to have this to have a legimate plot and story with character development. I just wanted to know if this might sound interesting to any of you before I put more work into this, only to find I'm making a goon (love hat word) of myself.
>> No. 128064
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128064
>>128018
> im kinda torn between making it a serious but fun story or a really bad, stupidly funny comedy
Work on neither and polish up your grammar first. /killjoy

But seriously, do the following (I think it was MintyRest who proposed this first):
1) obtain a coin
2) make the serious one heads, the funny one tails
3) flip said coin
4) cover coin with hand
5) write whichever one you hope it is.

You know the answer already. Stop hesitating and write. The likelihood is that either way, it won't turn out too well by any metric, because 1) Flash Sentry won't earn you brownie points appeal-wise; 2) if you have no beginning and ending, you'll lose traction about one chapter in; 3) everything else that could go wrong with writing a comedy or a straight adventure - not being funny, not being interesting, so on and such forth.

But write it anyways. Write, write, write. There's only one way forward, and it starts with you putting words on a page. Then get critiqued and write some more.

>>128059
Same more or less goes for you, but probably a bit more kinder.

See, the idea is terribly unappealing at just that. Goons? What are they? Comedy HiEs are by and large not funny, and stick-in-the-muds like myself tend to gravitate a safe radius away from these with said stick. But given proper execution, anything can be great. Case in point? Lolita, which is about a verbose pedophile. Except he's not just a verbose pedophile, and the story's more than just lust. Execution in making characters characters, getting places with the story, the message you send across - execution is king.

But you won't be able to find any of that unless you start writing first. Write lots and write badly. The second is something none of us can help. But the first is the choice that lets you change the second. So forget whether it sounds appealing to people. Write it out first and take it as practice regardless of whether you find readers, and write more.

Last edited at Tue, Jul 23rd, 2013 10:15

>> No. 128071
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128071
>>127895
I'd say your own subconscious is basically saying, "I don't like sound of this, can we just go do something else instead?"

It sounds like reasonable doubt. Anyway, the whole "My Little Dashie" thing has been absolutely done to death. Deconstruction or otherwise.
Think less about what others have done and more what you'd like to see.
>> No. 128073
Plugging this here 'cause I'm absolutely dying to see a story about this race of creature.

http://www.fimfiction.net/group/197119/worldbuilding-alliance/thread/33321/world-buildingdiscussion-hippalectryons
>> No. 128125
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128125
Hey, this might be odd...but have there ever been stream of consciousness stories before? I'm thinking of doing one and was wondering how common/how terrible they tend to be.
>> No. 128127
>>128125
If you mean writing pure pony thoughts out as a story? I've done one that worked, but only because it was so short, and the pony had gone crazy

Last edited at Thu, Aug 15th, 2013 02:35

>> No. 128130
>>128125
There was one on EqD a few weeks ago.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/105617/c
>> No. 128397
I've got an idea I'd like help smoothing out before I give it a whirl. I write better when I can make it up as I go along, but this felt flimsy as it formed in my head, and "_I want to give it some structure. Any help or input would be appreciated
Title; Flying Blind

Storyline so far:

Sweetie Belle finally discovers her magic, and stays up all night trying to cast a spell. she decides to try seeing in the dark. She tries the spell, and nothing happens. She wakes up the next morning, and can’t see a thing. She freaks out and heads down stairs to find Rarity. Runs into Rarity’s room to wake her up (Rarity uses special ear plugs when she sleeps) Rarity freaks out, but then wonders how Sweetie Belle found her way in there. They both think it’s because she just knows the boutique that well, until Rarity starts searching for something and Sweetie Belle finds it first. They then realize that Sweetie Belle can “see” things with her magic. She can’t physically see anything, but she can sense where things are.

Scootaloo, jealous of Sweetie Belle, heads out into the everfree, looking for a cliff to jump from, hoping to fly. Apple Bloom, already a little freaked out over Scootaloo’s loss of eyesight, goes frantic over Scootaloo’s disappearance, and enlists Applejack to help search for her. Sweetie Belle is sleepless once again, this time out of concern for her missing friend. She reaches out with her new abilities, and wanders off into the night. She finds Scootaloo deep in the everfree in a cavern at the bottom of a ravine. It’s too dark to see, and she needs Rainbow Dash to fly her in and rescue Scootaloo. Nopony believes her at first when she gets back to town, but Rainbow Dash is fond of Scootaloo, and is willing to try anything. Sweetie Belle guides her through the cavern, and they rescue Scootaloo.
>> No. 128398
>>128397
The main thing I think this is lacking is explaining what the characters learn from this. I'm not saying you should explicitly say "the moral of the story is, stop playing with your horn or you'll go blind", but how does Sweetie Belle cope with and grow as a character due to her disability? What does Scootaloo learn? When you get to the final scene, what is happening between the characters, and why does it interest me, the reader?
>> No. 128399
>>128398
Mm, it is missing that. Good questions those. I'll brainstorm it while I'm working on my other stories, and maybe come back to this every few days or so.

Thanks, Nick.
>> No. 129307
So: New here, but this is an idea I've toyed around with, and I'd like to hear all of your suggestions.

I think it might be interesting to examine the lives of the Mane 6 between Dash's Sonic Rainboom and Twilight's arrival in Ponyville. As in: How did Applejack meet Fluttershy? Did she know Rarity beforehand? When did Dash arrive in Ponyville? When did Pinkie arrive? What were everypony's reactions?

I see this as starting out with cool animosity or just apathy early in the fic, with things like Dash looking for Fluttershy slowly drawing them together, and Pinkie's zany love of parties forcing them to meet and interact with each other, to the point where they're casual friends, but still... missing something. Somepony to lead them, somepony who always knows what's going on and can lead them on exciting adventures.

And then Twilight arrives, at the end of the story.
>> No. 130263
Here's the idea for a story that I'll not write. Use it well.

Tentative Title: "Have Gummy — Will Travel"

High Concept: Pinkie Pie leaves Ponyville and becomes a travelling party pony.

Synopsis:

After the events of "Pinkie Pride", Pinkie begins to question if she's good enough as a party pony.

After losing the dispute for the position of Master of Ceremonies in the Ponyville Days Festival ("Simple Ways"), she wonders if her parties are becoming boring and repetitive.

Because these insecurities, she tries to become funnier, leading to her forced behaviour in "Filli Vanilli". Eventually her friends call she out about it, saying her antics aren't being funny.

Thinking about how she can become a better party pony, she concludes that maybe Cheese Sandwich is better than her because he has more life experience. He has traveled through all of Equestria, meeting every kind of people and making different kinds of parties, while she keeps making the same parties to the same people.

Pinkie decides to take a sabbatical and become temporarily a travelling party pony. She writes a note explaining her plans and leaves Ponyville without saying goodbyes (she knows her friends would try to stop her).

This is the main part of the story. It should show Pinkie making parties in different cities, meeting new characters and learning life lessons and stuff.

At a point, she meets again with Cheese Sandwich. They talk about the traveller lifestyle and Pinkie decides it's time to return to Ponyville.

In returning, she learns that in her absence there was a massive quarrel. Everypony in town is grumpy and her friends stopped talk to each other. Pinkie pierces through the bitterness and fixes the situation by using the life lessons that she learned in her travels.
>> No. 130891
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130891
Hello!

So I am a huge fan of the Overlord series of games, recently playing through both Overlord 1 and 2 again in the past month. I don't write often, mostly because I trouble deciding on character personalities, but I love to think of scenarios where characters that are established might behave in certain situations.

Now the part I made the post about: What are some thoughts of the Overlord and his Minions invading Equestria and attempt to bring darkness to the land? The characters would be written as closely to their canon counterparts as humanly possible, no radical changes from what is established in canon personality wise.

I have a short FAQ that should answer common questions about the consistency of the story:

Q: Who will win in the end?

A: This seems like the most important, but I want to say that you'd have to read to see. Please remember that if I am writing the characters as closely to canon as possible, I'm not going to scar the land and world permanently in either side's favor. (Equestria beaming such good magic that evil beings are weakened just being there is an example of scaring the land in one side's favor)

Q: How would the Overlord access Equestria? He's in another world, ya twit.

A: I know, but my thoughts was that if the Tower Heart (http://overlord.wikia.com/wiki/Tower_Heart)could have been powered up enough, could it access new worlds? A Multiverse, if you will. And yes, should the two connect, the transportation works both ways.

Q: Where do the stories pick up at in their respective canonical lore?

A: The Overlord side would pick up immediately after the events of Overlord 2. The MLP side would pick up some time after the defeat of Tirek.

Q: Why those particular parts to start from?

A: For the Overlord, the Fourth has more controlling spells and would allow temporary team changing (Note, Temporary -not- permanent), as well as the amusement of the Mistresses (which every other Overlord/MLP crossover seems to be without). That said, should enough people like it that they call for perhaps something unexpected, old friends may join us for the evil carnage. For the MLP, it's because I think it would make less sense to start earlier since we have it now canonically what happens. I am not against starting at, say, the beginning of the MLP series and try to twist it that he influenced a lot of the larger "evil" beings into their attacks on Equestria and such. But that all depends on opinions of those reading, I am happy to forge new content or do both!

Q: Why, of all the universes the Overlord can invade, why Equestria?

A: A fair question. He would invade because of the following reasons (Note, his In Character reasons, no promise these will occur):
1. He needs more magic than his realm can provide to fully access the multiverse and the lands of Equestria is just -brimming- with magic. Good magic, mind you, but a bit of corruption can fix that.
2. In Overlord 2, all the minions had mounts, save the Blues. Red rode salamanders, Greens rode spiders, and Browns rode wolves. Poor Blues got nothing, so maybe the idea would occur to try and "turn" some of the unicorn ponies into dark steeds. Why the unicorn ponies? Because what better way to boost a minion who's power is to revive dead minions and magical attacks than increasing their magical power to the degree that one can revive several minions alone versus having to do it one at a time.
3. It's new lands to him, untouched (as far as he can tell) by evil. That means more gold/lifeforce to gather for invading other realms as well as new slaves. Kill a few of these pit ponies and start gathering lifeforce.
4. There are entities of darkness in the lands, if but quelled ones for now, which means potential allies and such for both that world and others should the lands of Equestria be left in ruins.

Q: Will anyone die in this story?

A: Yes. Tons of minions will die. Probably some unnamed guards and fighters on the pony side. Can't promise jack except that it will all be ok by the end.

Q: Will the Overlord be a permanent fixture in the MLP world by your story at the end?

A: That -all- depends on the reception of the tale. If people like my writing enough that they might want to see more of the Overlord in Equestria, then maybe. But as it is planned now, no.

Q: How will you have the Overlord Act? He is basically a blank character that players control! He doesn't even SPEAK!

A: Oh trust me, my good friend, I know this -all- too well. I've read a couple of fanfics with this same crossover already and wondered why they gave him a voice. No, he'd written out just like that. As for big decisions that would be a defining moment in the game (Destruction vs Domination) I'll -actually- be leaving it to the consensus of the comments of the story (If there are any) to decide on the Overlord's choice. Like a choose your own adventure game, except evil. And no, he will not talk, I've decided to take on the challenge of using everything else to push the narrative without ever making our silent lord speak.

Q: So will this be entirely from the Overlord point of view? I get the feeling it might since most of your post revolves around him and not the ponies...

A: I got that same feeling typing this, but I promise it'd be both side's PoV. I wrote mostly about the Overlord here to justify -why- the overlord would be in the Land of Equestria (That and I've had Overlord on the brain for a while now.) I'll have to consult the Netflix and Youtube many times to confirm all facts before posting chapters.

If you have more questions before you post opinions of yay or nay feel free to ask them, I'll answer the best I can ^_^

Possible universes I've gotten so far:
Azeroth (World of Warcraft)
Equestria (MLP:FiM)
Tamriel (Elder Scrolls: Oblivion)

Last edited at Sat, Jul 26th, 2014 12:08

>> No. 131023
>>130891

Links to the other crossovers would be appreciated so that I don't have you repeating something you know has already been done.

I've played Overlord, the expansion pack, Overlord 2, and Overlord: Dark Legends as well as The Elder Scrolls Oblivion and Skyrim, so hopefully I can be of help. To clarify the nomenclature, the original overlord is called the "Olderlord," the PC from Overlord is of course "Overlord," the PC from Overlord 2 is the "Underlord" because his "tower" is underground, and the PC from Overlord: Dark Legends is the "Overlad."

The first question is whether this is going to be a Trollestia universe. There have been fics reimagining Princess Celestia as a tyrant, or at least abusing her powers, which will in turn have an effect on the new overlord. I'm going to assume the answer is no, but I'd like you to at least consider Luna/Nightmare Moon, Discord, and especially King Sombra's role in your fic.

Second question is "purple minions," the hypothetical new variety of minions created when the lifeforce of one of the pony races is used instead of sheep. I would like you to at least consider a race of flying minions created from a former pegasi as among the reason for the invasion. I would also like consideration to be given to "black minions" created from Changelings.

Now a moment of headcanon: The stereotypical evil overlord was defeated by a party of eight fairly standard heroes: a halfling bard, an elf ranger, a dwarf warrior, a human paladin, a human thief, a half-giant fighter, a wizard, and a martyr. The name, race, and character class of the martyr who died in the act of defeating the evil overlord were never revealed, but we assume it to be a cleric of the Mumbler's religion. The original overlord, the Olderlord, cheated death by invading the mind of the old wizard. The martyr was resurrected by the few remaining evil minions in the broken tower to act as their temporary leader. The remaining heroes became corrupted by fame, fortune, and the dark influence of the possessed wizard. The martyr Overlord freed the peasants from the corrupt heroes, and took one of the wizard's two daughters to be his evil mistress. This evil mistress became the father of the Underlord, who was later forced to flee when would-be heroes raided the tower and she had to abandon her son in a village in the northern wastes until he was old enough to lead the evil minions himself. Aspects of the story, including which of the two daughters were chosen as evil mistress, vary based on the players actions. However, Overlord 2 seems to assume that the expansion pack happened, in which the martyr Overlord found doorways to "heaven" opening in his land in order to trick people into being trapped in a fiery underworld controlled by a twisted jester possessed by an "elder god." The only way to save his realm from this eldritch abomination was for the martyr Overlord to destroy the portal with himself and the bulk of his forces still inside, hence his leaving his evil mistress and son to the mercy of would be heroes.

From what little we've seen of Tartarus, it may be the same world where the martyr Overlord was trapped. However, while freeing the peasants from the corruption of the elven ranger, the martyr Overlord killed three "Bloody Unicorns." These unicorns had been corrupted by nightmarish magic and had turned carnivorous, but they were still unicorns and the only unicorns left in that particular world. Princess Celestia would likely be hesitant to release a known murderer into her kingdom, particularly an "evil overlord" with a standing army of "evil minions."

However, a group of these minions once crossed an entire desert to activate a portal after being hidden inside a golden statue stolen by the corrupted thief. Once Gnarl receives news of these minions, he would alert the Underlord. What this Overlord 2 thinks of his long-lost father is anyone's guess, but one of this three evil mistresses will probably encourage him to visit this "Equestria."

Now given the "multiverse" you mentioned, I wonder if perhaps you might consider bringing "both paths" together. Overlord 2 had a different ending depending on whether the Underlord chose to destroy his enemies or enslave them. Overlord (1) gave the martyr Overlord the chance to be "good." He was still a stereotypical evil overlord with evil minions, but the ending changed based on whether he was "using the tools of evil to achieve the greater good" or was "evil for evil's sake." In Overlord: Dark Legends, the main character is a prince in a "Game of Thrones" scenario where his own brother or sister will kill him in a bid to assume their father's throne, and all he has is a gauntlet that allows him to control the evil minions.

I bring up the Gauntlet of Dark Legends for a simple point: Imagine if Twilight started studying Fluttershy's "Stare," and created a magical item to artificially replicate its power. A blue-green gemstone, similar to Fluttershy's eyes, would be the powersource and for the design perhaps a "bracelet." This is not how the Overlord's gauntlet works, according to the game, the way to command more minions is to have a bunch of minions jump into the molten metal of the magic item when it's forged. I'm not sure what would happen if Fluttershy were added to the metal, but the image is reminiscent of a villain dangling a victim over a vat of acid. Twilight to the rescue!

I'm not sure which of the Overlords would have sent their evil minions to steal Fluttershy, but "the Four Overlords of Tartarus" has a nice videogame sound to it. We have a hero with powers they don't quite understand, and one of those "evil but not really villains" who fight a hero to make sure they're prepared for what they face next. The thing is, I don't know if Twilight has to be the Overpony. Her magical bracelet might fit anypony's hoof. Meanwhile Twilight could talk to that pony through the bracelet and offer them advice and upgrades.
>> No. 131407
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131407
I literally cannot find any other place that is both like the Story Forge and also more active. Like, wow. So, here I am, asking for help here, because I'm really desperate for some feedback here. If you know of any good groups that would help iron out a story, I'd be much glad to hear of them.

Intro
The story is split between three books, only the first of which I've plotted. Each of them is intended to be between 20k and 40k words (think "Of Mice and Men"), totaling something shy of 90k altogether. The three books together make a three-act structure, while each individual book follows a loose five-act one. I'm shooting mainly for a fable-like Adventure fic.

The Characters
Reynard is a Diamond dog who has run away from the burrow, a protagonist.
Canticlear is a gryphon, a protagonist.
Isegrim is King of the Diamond Dogs, an antagonist.

The Plot
Reynard is found running through the woods outside of Hollow Shades by Canticlear. The two go together into the settlement, where Reynard informs them that the Diamond Dogs are intending to incite a war with Equestria and take the capital by surprise force. Canticlear and Reynard are sent by train to Canterlot. Their train is derailed halfway between Hollow Shades and Canterlot.

They take a detour through the Foal Mountains, where Canticlear remembers there being a gryphon settlement. When they arrive, they find the place in a sorry state. After speaking to the chief and being resupplied, they depart. They arrive at Canterlot. Unfortunately, their efforts to enter are rebuffed. The two set up camp outside the city's boarders, where they discover Prince Blueblood gallivanting around and save him from a pack of wolves. Thankful for their help, he returns the favor by getting them into the city. They get to the court and announce the Diamond Dogs' intention to sack the city. After being assured by the princess that she will take precautions against this, they head back to Hollow Shades with a group of guards.

They find that the village has been destroyed. Camping there for the night, Reynard and Isegrim meet each other, and Isegrim asks where Reynard will stand in the fight. When Reynard refuses to join him, Isegrim makes to murder him. He is stopped by Canticlear, who lets him run off. The last scene shows the two quietly contemplating the past and what the future has to hold.

Here's the five acts, summarized:
I. We're introduced to Reynard and Canticlear and the problem of the diamond dogs' wish to do battle.
II. The main characters are sent to give the message to Celestia, and they start on their journey, but are caught up in problems (chiefly here the train wreck).
III. Due to the hubris/racism/xenophobia of the the Canterlot guards, they are denied entry.
IV. They forge a friendship with Blueblood that allows them to enter, and they are able to warn the princess of the impending war.
V. They discover that they could not save Canticlear's village, but they know that they now have not lost the war.


The Problem
I'm mostly concerned with whether there is enough conflict here to fuel a story. Additionally, I'm worried that the ending won't be satisfying enough.

Miscellany
I'm thinking of making Reynard and Isegrim related, either by blood or as childhood friends.

I want to have something of a moral in the story, but I'm not entirely sure what it would be. I think it should go something like: In the first book, the theme is true friendship requires uncovering our true identities; in the second, the nature of things is to change; and in the third, good comes by sacrifice.

I'm trying to make a play-like piece, something that can be read in one sitting and held together in the head after as one thing. It should have a contemplative element.

The Other Books
The general plot of the next two goes something like this: In the second, the war begins, and Reynard must find the McGuffin of Mystery in order to win the war. Which he does. His assistance in the victory earns him a place as the new king of the diamond dogs. The third is a story with him as the king, the central conflict of which I've as of yet not invented.

Last edited at Mon, Dec 29th, 2014 02:53

>> No. 131410
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131410
>>131407
Just some questions actually.

One, why does this have to be contemporaneously placed? With the exception of Blueblood, there's no reason to do it in a modern time besides character identification. Which could open a number of alternate stories.

Two, what sort of character are you playing Celestia as? Is she a pragmatic realist or an idyllic dreamer? Who Celestia is plays a huge role how she decides to affect the plot and:

Three, what type of governments are you thinking of? I can tell your Diamond Dogs are probably tribal with a patriarchal system behind them. I can't tell what your gryphons are though.
If you're just running Canterlot as a peaceful pony kingdom, I must remind you that Canterlot is a citadel built into the side of a cliff face, ie a fort designed for city defense.

How big are you thinking this war will get, because your 5x3 act structure seems a little small for it.
People are gonna die. Risk of death makes sacrifice meaningful. The way this is structured, there's going to be visceral, Shakespearean level could-have-been-prevented-but-wasn't death.

People should be betrayed, nothing should be fixed in stone.

Since you have a desire to play Reynard as king, why not make him runt of the litter, youngest son.
That would also open up defining both a father, who may be dead; and an oldest, more war like brother, who could be Isegrim in the first place.

Why go with 'win' the war, when the Diamond Dogs should be simply trying not to be waffle stomped?

Why would they get waffle stomped? Go back and look at Celestia's flashback regarding Sombra. She clearly has no problem showing up and blasting motherfuckers.
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