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124719 No. 124719
#Single fic #Sci-fi #Grimdark

Well, this is actually my first thread over here on Ponychan (let alone on any sort of -chan in general), so bear with me.

My story is something I've been working at for about 5-6 months, but I don't know if I'm on the right track or not. It's a little complicated to explain the story itself in a few words without the synopsis, so I'll let it do all the work, but essentially, I'm looking for any help I can get, and whatever I can get would be more than appreciated.

Story so far is at 22,464 words and incomplete. I already have the entire plot in mind, and the narrative structure in at least the first two chapters aren't consistent with how I'll be doing the remaining chapters. None of it went through an editor yet either, so grammatical errors and other hitches are imminent. I'm also working on getting a cover, so for now it's using a placeholder. Please disregard it!

Hope you enjoy it!

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/29696/The-Price-of-Loyalty
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>> No. 124720
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124720
Sticky.
You should read it.
>> No. 124724
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124724
>>124719
Far out, man.

Like, I only read a little (19,395 words is kinda... huge... for a first chapter), but the prologue had a nifty little scene. I liked your scenery, even if the "Psychiatrist listening to a tape recorder" thing seems a bit... old.

My main problem, if you're going to call it that, is that there might be too much story here, right? Like... not everything that happens needs to be told in that amount of detail. Why's the doctor listening to a tape when he can be reading a case file of brief notes? What's he listening for in the tape?

Like, every detail and scene needs to matter, man.
>> No. 124829
>>124724
Heya! Glad you've been reading. Means a lot!

Regarding your comment about what I did for the Prologue, it actually comes to play later in the story, if you're curious. The purpose of it for now is to just set the scene, ease people into the universe I'm at least attempting to fashion together.

Keep that feedback comin! Every little bit helps! :3
>> No. 126370
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126370
>>124720
I laughed WAY too hard at that image. You own me a new cup of water.
>> No. 126378
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126378
>>126370
>Pic

What bumped this thread?
>> No. 126395
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126395
>>126378
I don't know. All I know is that it wasn't me, since I don't go digging through an almost dead board to necro.
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