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No. 126660
#Single fic #Sad

Okay so I've had this idea for a fic for a while, I know most of you are going to think it's kind of like My Little Dashie and it's because I got most of my inspiration from MLD, so would you guys mind telling me what you think? I still haven't thought of a title xDD Its a lil long for what I have so far too, sorry bout that.

My life has never been a sociable experience. I’ve never had many friends, and the small amount of friends I did have weren’t very good friends. They would steal my stuff and talk about me behind my back. I tend not to talk to many people now. I’ve come to a realization that the world is full of malevolent people who can say they’re your friend but don’t understand that actions speak louder than words. My whole life I’ve wished to have just one person that I can honestly call a friend. For 17 years I’d wake up everyday and just hope by some miracle I would meet someone that would finally be able to change the loneliness in my life. But it’s never happened. It’s the same thing everyday. I wake up, lie in bed for another 15 minutes or so, get out of bed and make some food then lie back down. Day after day it seems to be more of a challenge to get out of bed knowing thats it’s going to be the same thing as everyday. I sometimes like to think back at the times when my mom would be in the kitchen to greet me with a smile when I woke up every morning, my mom was my only friend, and even though she’s passed I still consider her my only friend. I never met my father, he left my mom when I was no more than a few months old. The only thing I have that keeps me relatively happy is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The colorful personalities and kind nature of the ponies always warms my heart to a point where life is barely bearable. I’ve been saving money for the past few months to get a Rainbow Dash plushie, and after making multiple threads on Ponychan and MLP forums I finally got a reply from someone who makes plushie in my price range. He told me it would take a few weeks to make but I was still happy knowing I would be getting one, I would finally have someone to lay down with at night, someone to finally make it feel like I’m not alone. I know it’s just a stuffed representation of her but it’s a lot better than having nobody. For once in almost 3 years I was smiling.
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>> No. 126661
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126661
>Okay so I've had this idea for a fic for a while, I know most of you are going to think it's kind of like My Little Dashie and it's because I got most of my inspiration from MLD, so would you guys mind telling me what you think? I still haven't thought of a title xDD Its a lil long for what I have so far too, sorry bout that.
Without reading your story, I'll say that I think you should write a fic that isn't My Little Dashie or based off of My Little Dashie. I'll also say that what you have is about ten times shorter than an expected story. (You have about 400 words right now, and all of it is one paragraph. Stories/chapters on /fic/ usually run between 2,000 and 150,000 words.)

So yeah, on /fic/, writers usually submit complete stories/chapters to review threads. You can find a list of review threads in the sticky at the top of /fic/.

That said, let's take a look at your fic.

...

...Okay. Okay, uh. I'm not sure what to say, so I'm going to stumble through some thoughts here. I... really don't know how to say this without sounding mean.

You have:
1. A brony narrator, who is
2. Largely friendless and antisocial with
3. parents who are out of the picture.
4. My Little Pony is pretty much the only thing that keeps him going anymore.
5. And he has a Dash plushie.

So before I say anything else, let's get this out of the way: My Little Dashie is generally regarded here on /fic/ as the most overrated story in the entire fandom. (See >>94457 for explanation and discussion. The first half of the thread is joking on April Fool's, and the second is actual discussion. The short of it is that it's shallow and emotionally spoonfeeding the reader, and it's really wish-fulfill-y.)

As for what I think? This is the first second thing (since the first thing that came to mind was "this sounds a lot like My Little Dashie") that came to mind: If Friendship is Magic, why isn't this guy trying to make more friends? And I'm wondering, does he have a job? Who is this person, really? It's almost ironic--you spend around four hundred words telling us, the readers, about this guy's daily life, and yet we still don't know who he is. We know what he is, but not who he is.

And uh... I'm probably just generalizing here, but I don't think anyone wants to read a story about a friendless brony who hasn't smiled in three years. And with thoughts like
>It’s the same thing everyday. I wake up, lie in bed for another 15 minutes or so, get out of bed and make some food then lie back down.
he probably doesn't have the greatest work ethic, either. Which again makes me wonder if he has a job. I think that's an important point, too.

I'm just saying that based off of what you have here. Since this looks like a work in progress, I can't say anything about what you have planned. As it is, I have no idea where this story's going to go--you haven't set up a conflict yet, and most stories need conflict to move anywhere.

It's good that you want to tell a story! Unfortunately, this story has already been told, and it wasn't exactly the best story to be inspired by. That's what I think, anywho. Sorry if I sound too harsh; it's just that seeing someone try to imitate My Little Dashie is like hearing someone say, "I have an idea for a business. It'll be facebook, except better!" Of course, if you want to keep going with this story, don't let me stop you. But I do suggest coming up with a more original idea.

Welcome to /fic/. Have a muffin.

Edit: Looks like it's against the rules to make a thread to ask for help on a story. I suggest you read the sticky at >>112263. It's the post at the top of /fic/ with "Posting Rules" in big, flashy rainbow letters. Can't miss it.

Last edited at Fri, Feb 15th, 2013 10:50

>> No. 126662
>>126661
No no, I don't think you're being harsh, and I appreciate all the pointers, trust me I would like to come up with something more original but I've had a lot of my mind lately, if you could give me ANY other tips whatsoever that would be great, I'm kind of new to a lot of this stuff.
>> No. 126663
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126663
>>126662
Since I'm not really a writer, I'm not sure how much help any tips I can give you are going to be. I might even be wrong. ...Ah, I'll say things anyways.

1. Read more. This is probably the most important thing, I would think, for anyone who wants to write stuff. The more you read, the more ideas and styles you're exposed to. Artists study art; writers read. Not just pony stories, either--that includes books you read in school, paperbacks, etc.
2. There are a bunch of guides in the sticky, under "Writer Guides". It might seem long, but I suggest reading all of them. They're really helpful to both new and experienced writers. There's also an advice thread on MLPChan's /fic/. Link: http://mlpchan.net/fic/res/3348.html
Those links are mostly for arranging words into readable form. For coming up with a story, here's advice from Pixar:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/30/pixar-storytelling_n_1718854.html
3. Listen to criticism, even if you don't end up taking it.
4. Practice. It won't make perfect, but it'll get you closer to it.

And that's all I have for now. I'm sure other posters will chime in. (Ion-Sturm, if you're reading this, you've missed your readthesticky.gif timing window by... a lot.)

Last edited at Fri, Feb 15th, 2013 11:06

>> No. 126664
>>126663
Im always open to criticism, anything to help me improve, thanks man, hopefully all that will help.
>> No. 126667
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126667
>>126664
This is angled towards those attempting to get on EQD, but much of the discussion is still valid and worthwhile.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WMMs8H-GpFIXPsQeC0RNu8V-Cq6uyGl_UERpOUK_6KY/edit

Best of luck!
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