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No. 132122
#Single fic #Comedy #Grimdark

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9260226/1/Lightening-Fluttershy-s-Dark-Sky

The third installment of the Fluttershy's Dark Sky series. This one is about Rarity becoming a ninja time god and Fluttershy becoming King Sombra. Nothing out of the ordinary.
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>> No. 132125
File 142630322549.jpg - (34.53KB , 389x395 , 133053542077.jpg )
132125
FF.N huh?
I'm just saying, that's a terrible site to get reviews from. Copy and Paste and all. Still...

Your first paragraph terrifies me to the core. And your story is nice and dense, impenetrable to human eyes.
This is a terrible advertisement for not only this story, but all your stories.

I'm actually not going to read any of it, plus I'm going to try to avoid any of your other works as well.

Why? I kept skimming this chapter you've offered up. I see all caps dialogue used in place of descriptive writing. Ellipsis use with what should be screaming. Onomatopoeia replacing what should be story.

Plus this is the first link I've seen of yours, and it's to a story that would make more sense in the middle of a long running soap opera. You're way past adorably retarded at this point actually.

I pass on this, and anything else you've written. People would have fun MSTing your work, I have better things to do.
>> No. 132126
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132126
>>132122
I should be nicer.

It's nice that you're a prolific writer.

It's nice that you have interesting ideas of what you want to do with the characters.
It'd be nicer if you let the characters dictate the story, rather than the other way round.

It's nice that you drive the story with dialogue.
It'd be nicer if that dialog was more than HA HA x 23 or all caps screaming more often.

It's nice that your story ideas are unique.
It'd be nicest if it didn't reek of 13 year old power fantasies.


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