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31833 No. 31833
So yeah. After some discussion with reviewers, I'm taking the plunge and posting my own thread for this fic. If this offends, just tell me and down it goes.

SO. Chapter 4 of Divergence - "Foresight" is up and ready.
Following feedback, it will be submitted to pony valhalla.


Chapters 1 - 3 may be found here;

Please have a read, and let me know what you think. Shit is going on, so anyone who hasn't read through the previous chapters is... well, missing many somewhat crucial developments.

Outta the gate conceptual plot punching accolades go to Grif, thank you for that good sir!
265 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Unspoiler all text  • Expand all images  • Reveal spoilers
>> No. 99942
>Lyra out of left field
Pshh, next thing you're going to tell me that Octavia *doesn't* live in an industrialized city, far to the north of Canterlot, and only goes there for big parties like the Grand Galloping Gala or "Everyone Let's Kiss Fancy Pants Ass" garden party or whatever rubbish that was in S2.
>> No. 99943

Also, what the actual fuck is going on in that picture?
>> No. 99944
And do not forget that Carrot Top is an optometrist who has taken a leave from her work and has decided to rest in ponyville, only to find Derpy and decided to coach her and improve her eye sights as a sort of manner to kill time.
>> No. 99946
Er... what story is that referencing?
>> No. 99948
No story at all, just a simple concept I considered to be fun to use. Carrots are generally said to aid with vision, she is around someone with a clear need for it while not doing much herself, it makes the fanon surrounding them have more leg than just "and so they lived together because sofa" which seems to exist.
>> No. 99950
Ah, fair enough. I was referencing a story with my silly fanon over a background character.
>> No. 99951
>i didn't ask for this

i'm sorry for disturbing the peace i'll be going to bed now
>> No. 99952
File 133576303581.gif - (146.57KB , 316x315 , AAAAA.gif )
That was... legitimate discussion, I thought. Sorry if that came off as angry; that was not my intent with you in a friend's thread.
>> No. 99954
I am deeply confused by this statement.

This confuses me further.
>> No. 99976
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>mfw old friends scare away a new reader to my story

Hey mate, thank you very much for reading. I really hope you’ve enjoyed the story, an I hope it didn’t take up too much of your time, considering you went through 50k+ words in, what, two days? Now I feel badly for taking so long to work through your chapters!

>My take on Lyra’s character
>pic related
I saw that pic, and really started thinking how awesome Lyra could be. She’s probably my favorite background pony by far, and I really wanted to paint her in the most enigmatic way I could think of. I’ve gotten an incredibly red line of reactions, the dichotomy of which swings from “Holy shit I love it” to “what the fuck man, seriously”. The latter I’m assuming spawns from people who have already settled on how they prefer to picture her character. Her portrayal may be one of the more unique aspects to the story I’m writing.

>fight scenes
Thank you, I’m particularly pleased about those. I harbor the delusion that I’m rather good at them.

>"what the hay" appeared with worrying frequency
it really depends on what character is speaking with a given level of intensity. I have Dash curse as the situation calls for, which means as the story rolls into 7+, she’s a fkn sailor. Conversely, FS doesn’t even say “hay”.

>”s” word
What word are you referencing?

>The earlier chapters felt just a little rough around the edges
yup. Divergence was actually my first foray into writing fiction, so my inexperience is pretty evident in beginning chapters. For a time preferred to leave the first few as is, for a personal reference to my own growth in the trade, but I think I’m soon going to be revising the entire thing from the beginning and bringing it up to par. That said, I’m told my style of writing can take some getting used to.

>All of the girls seem appropriately in character
Thank you. I take characterization very bloody seriously, especially when inserting these lovable creatures into extreme circumstances.
>sharp toothed creatures
Yeah, I really try to avoid going too far into OC realm, aside from a couple key players.

>Let's take a moment to talk about your portrayal of Luna because oh my god it's fantastic.
I really, really, reaaaallly appreciate that. I’m considerably proud of Luna in this work. Moon princess is best princess.
>There's probably a lot of stuff I'm leaving out
Heh, well, don’t be shy mate, comments, thoughts and discussion in great part are motivators for me to actually write more.
Thanks for reading!
>> No. 99977
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>My take on Lyra’s character
>pic related
Woops. wrong pic. See this one.
>> No. 99978
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>> No. 100038
Yeah, you linked that in the story when she showed up. It's cool dude, you can do what you want with her. It just took a little getting used to.

I don't remember what the "s" word is off the top of my head. I want to say scanted, but I know that isn't it.

As for this being your first story, oh man, you're just like me. Blood was my response to Fallout: Equestria and my first written work ever. Of course, I also took chapter length as part of the challenge, so I don't fault you for taking a while to wade through my chapters. Just wait till you hit chapter 9.

That said, I was pleased to see chapter 9 of this story was about twice as long as the others.

Shine on, and I look forward to more!
>> No. 100059
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> the "s" word
Ah, I bet it was "scintillating". Neh?

>As for this being your first story, oh man, you're just like me.
Heh, while I have a fair notion, I'm pretty curious how you may mean this.

>chapter length
Yeah, if we're throwing up comparisons, you blow by me in this regard.

>I look forward to more.
Likewise. I'm moving on to ch 9 today.
>> No. 100067

Divergence is your first, Blood is my first. That's what I meant I guess?

The chapter length thing is a double edged sword. Some people love that Blood has 20+page chapters on average, while others avoid it for the same reason.

I'm torn between making the chapters of my FoE thing shorter for the sake of reader ease, but I dunno. It's the same amount of content whether I split it into two chapters or leave it as one, if that makes sense. Pacce keeps stressing that I should be following the 'as long as it needs to be approach', and I agree, but habits are hard to break :A

Good luck with 9!
>> No. 100077
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Start off with shorter chapters to ease the reader in, then ramp it up. Once they're hooked, a longer chapter will seem like a gift as opposed to a wall.
One fanfic writer's story I read is infamous for its massive chapters (the latest one was over one-hundred thousand words long, with the story nearing two-million words at this point). Believe me, if your readers legitimately like your story, you shouldn't have problems with chapter length.
>> No. 100144
>That's what I meant
Ah, gotcha. Thought you were alluding to another correlation for a minute there.

Pacce gives good advice. I'd recommend the same.
Sturm also gives good advice. In regards to your new FOE side-story, it'd likely be best to snag the reader early with a tantalizing hook, then once ya got em, extend your chapters into full-length.
Incidentally, I'm a hore for FOE (I've read the damn thing 4 or 5 times), and good side stories are rare. I'd be very interesting to read it.
>> No. 100164

Would you like an early look at it? I've got 18ish pages, but since the first chapter is only gonna be 10, I can shoot you a gdoc link on Fimfic.
>> No. 100165
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>Four or five times
>Eight-hundred thousand words long, give or take
>Hory Shiite
You wouldn't happen to know of any (good) Zebrica FoE sidefics, would you? I've always found its exclusion to be a criminal omission.
>> No. 100174
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fuck yeah, do want

Heh, have I mentioned I read way too much? I think at the moment I've got four fics open, an I'm in the middle of a sci-fi book (light reading), Bertrand Russell's 'Political Ideals', random essays from Emma Goldman an Emerson... Mm. Yeah, that's it, I think.

>I've always found its exclusion to be a criminal omission.
I couldn't agree more. Have I mentioned even half-way decent FOE/SS fics are really hard to find?
But yeah,
>Zebrica side-fic
That story needs to be told, so badly.
>> No. 100180
fukkin sent
>> No. 100181
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Oh, shit. I really meant to mention this earlier guys, sorry.

To anyone of you living in a major city, just a heads up on a few points:
1) Keep your wits about you, an a sharp ear to the ground tomorrow.
2) There may be moderate to complete blockage of main thoroughfares (this may or may not include state and interstate freeways).
3) If you see a crowd of over a hundred, consider the streets taken, and it's more than likely more large groups are on the way to converge, so if you have somewhere to be, get the hell out of there.
4) If you have a police scanner app on your phone, keep it handy. If you see police numbering in a ratio of more than 1/20 to a crowd, gtfo unless you know what you're doing or how to deal with riot tactics.

I'd apologize for any disruption, but the reasons why I don't aren't particularly suited for this board, nor is the inevitable discussion that would follow. On the upswing, if I didn't care about you guys, I wouldn't be giving you a heads up!

Oh, and this PSA is not confined to American boarders.
>> No. 100182
I tried reading through Pink Eyes, but the stilted writing made me nearly pop a blood vessel.
I've given it thought, but the funny thing about it is that my idea didn't star a zebra. In fact, zebras in Zebrica were nearly extinct in my idea since most of them died during the war.
>> No. 100191
But then how am I supposed to join in?

In all seriousness, is this Occupy making another push as the election cycle kicks up?
>> No. 100196
You stay safe out there, Seattle.
>> No. 100248
Whoa. We live in interesting times.

I feel bad for being all business-as-usual, just going to work, reading and watching Game of Thrones at a friend's house on Sunday evenings as though those were the biggest things happening in my life. Thanks for bringing us alerts from the real world.
>> No. 100271
What's this all about?
>> No. 100280
He's an organizer of sorts for the Occupy (insert notable destination here) movement.
>> No. 105751
File 133907319808.jpg - (22.93KB , 320x311 , Baron tea.jpg )
This must be Thursday; I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

As requested, I am lifting this thread from the depths of despair and into the light with a relevant post: a review. Therefore, if you have yet to read this story, consider this an invitation to start.

What if Rainbow Dash's loyalty was tested? Not by asking if she would ever let her friends down, but by asking if she could act against their desires for their greater benefit? What if the Shadowbolts were real, and not made of illusion and mist? How could she go on if everyone believed her a traitor? Well, dear Reader, read on...

So. Yeah.

Chapter one started recognizable enough. Why, I could almost quote it myself if I had a better memory. Then it was different.

Yay! Not-canon Luna! Don't ask.

Well, I'll skip the chapter-by-chapter. This is, all in all, a very, very intriguing read. The concept you chose is awesome, and you do a great job in writing it. It is enthralling and immersive (minus the consistency errors, but I have pointed those out to you, and that is just the bare bones of it.

The world around it that you are building is likewise intriguing, and I really want to explore it more. Lyra is awesome, so are the wolves (obviously), I wonder what Octavia might know, and I really like what you did to the Wonderbolts. I may have to steal that idea, mind (with modifications, of course). The other provinces that you are introducing are likewise interesting, and I do want to see more of them.

Hmmm...Equestrian army. Well, to each their own, I suppose.

Now, I'm no expert at main characterization (the main reason I am refusing to use them in my own story), but all of the six feel right, so congratz on that front. I also enjoy the Luna you are playing, for she is a good princess, one that I can agree with and probably would have played myself if canon-Luna hadn't shown up, thus forcing me to shift gears with her and try and justify...um, I'll just stop; this isn't the place for it. Although... I have never understood why people seem to think that RD is a lesbian, and I certainly don't understand the AppleDash idea. While your story doesn't actually [i[do[/i] this, there is enough there to make the fanboys giggle, and me to raise my eyebrow. For someone who says they don't much care for shipping, it seems a little odd. Not a complaint, mind you, just an observation.

All in all, this is a good story, and I, for one, eagerly await the next chapter. Or several, depending on how long this intends to go. The current cliffhanger leaves me feeling hungry for words, and I find plausible future scenarios are trying to build themselves in my head. All of them wrong, probably, but construction has begun and the foreman is waving the contract at me and telling me that I have no legal recourse against him.

Bloody paperwork.

Incidentally, I suddenly had an entertaining idea for a scene where the "hero" goes before the ruling council of the realm, and the council is being all arrogant because they can be, and the "hero" is calling them out on every little pompous presumption they have, and is making it clear that he has absolutely no respect for the self-righteous bastards and their preconceived notions of inherent superiority. I think it might be fun.

So. Yeah.
Read this.
>> No. 105888
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EJN, you now are one of my favorite people. I seriously owe you one for this mate.
I had been meaning for a couple months now to go back and bring the entirety of this work up to the grammatical standards I hold these days (as opposed to pretty much a year ago when I began this thing), but then you dropped in and damn near did all the work for me.
All of my HNNNNNNG.

I just completed all the way through chapter 9, and god does it look fresh. You had a few comments throughout the docs, though I was so focused on the editing that I didn't address them. Anything you actually want an answer to that doesn't give away the next sequence?

Again, thank you SO much, you've saved me a ton of time that I don't have. Respect, man. Cheers.
>> No. 117329
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This just goes out to Seattle, who I hope completely returns to this when he finishes the side story about Sweetie Belle not being able to decide between Magic and Music, and eventually trying to do both.

Which is analogous to another situation also going on in the the same fic.
>> No. 117334
Minty, I love you man (I really do) but /fic/ has 48 pages and gets, maximum, about two threads a day added to it, which means it takes a normal thread about nine months to disappear if you aren't constantly necroing it from the very end of the board, and you get plenty of warning beforehand before that happens any, too.

Bumping this is like trying to save the ocean from burning, it will happen eventually but you really don't need to worry unless everyone starts acting like they were stupid.

*Looks around the board*

Oh... carry on.
>> No. 117371
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Since it's been bumped, may as well note that I've got around 30 pages written up for the next chapter, around 20 for the one after that, and some preeeetty nifty (if I do say so mahself) scenes planned for an epilogue.

I haven't checked up on this thread in quite some time, so I can only assume it was getting dangerously close to the edge of the world where the oceans flow off into space, and you know how those four elephants holding up the disk give not a fuck about what goes past them into oblivion. *shrugs*

...Well... Um. Huh, Okay. I guess since this is going on, may as well drop an excerpt from the next chapter? Let's see if I canna find a nice lil bit that doesn't—AH, this should do-

The hooffalls drew closer. Dash took a mouthful of the rancid hay, biting down hard to strangle the mewling sound that tried to claw out her throat. He was standing right over her now, silent and looming. She could feel the malice radiating from him: his hatred, his desire to make her scream and plead, hard eyes betraying the pleasure he would take from it all.

She felt a hoof press into her shoulder, and all thoughts of compliance, submission—whatever it took to avoid the pain—fled from her like the deluge from a rain-heavy cloud. No matter the cost, a black part of her mind thought savagely, bursting to the fore as her vision went red, I am not broken. I’ll die before I break, and I’ll take this bastard with me!
>> No. 117405
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> 30 pages
Yikes. You turning SS&E on us? Looking forward to it one way or another.

Just a small pet peeve of mine: pages are a far less meaningful unit than words, especially in digital renditions of textual media, wherein text reflow and whatnot can change the page count on a whim. Sorry, just had to get that out.
>> No. 118393
oh mah gawd.

Over a year ago now, an unknown author bounced into my inbox with a story. READ MAH STARY, EES GOOD.

Yeah, yeah, I thought, let's go pat a few heads and hand out some lollipops.

So I read it. It showed a lot of promise - it's pretty standard fare to take something that happened in the show and then expand and expound upon it. It wasn't amazing at the time, but it was pretty *daring*: the entire first two episodes, and therefore the entire tone of the world, is set by Twilight becoming friends with the rest of the mane 6, and through that friendship, managing to harness the power of the Elements of Harmony, thereby releasing Celestia and redeeming Luna.

Here's where things get interesting. What if, the plucky young author suggests, Luna could have survived all on her own? What if Celestia just wanted to have things her way? What if, instead of by failing to harness the elements, it didn't plunge Equestria into everlasting night under the curse of Nightmare Moon, but instead it just meant a transfer of power to Luna, and the friendships of the mane 6 going in *completely different directions*.

At the time, chapter 1 (so long ago, Seattle didn't remember at first, and then didn't believe it was me!) was a bit shaky. It seemed to be falling far too far towards Dash being tricked by evil and a predictable, boring conclusion.

Spice it up, I said, make us believe in your characters. *build your world*.

Well, it went up after he pulled out the stops. He delivered. The fact he's now gone back over in gdocs and fixed what he terms "the suck" (dammit Seattle, update fimfic!) just shows how much he's stepped up his game, but damn, man.

I found this again - after some gentle (and not so gentle) prodding - and I'm amazed. I read chapter 1 and chapter 2. Now there's so much more of it, and the world he is building is that much more incredible. Friendships never made, alliances that are totally different, a world which is startlingly realized and detailed...

Let me put this straight - I'm pretty harsh on my own works (even ones I'm relatively proud of), but I know they're pretty good. I find myself feeling envious of the depth and colour he's painted his world with, here, and would honestly feel proud of having this story as one of mine. I'm not sure if I should be casting some dark magics and stealing his powers for my own, at this point.

When it gets down to it, you can't get much higher praise than "I wish I'd done this".

This story seriously deserves a lot more attention - new head canon abounds, I'm interested in the wolves, the deer, the dragons, in Luna and her fight with the Nightmare... it's really, gushingly-praiseworthy postingly, interesting.

I know this review doesn't actually reveal much, and it's mostly me gushing, but... read it if you haven't. There aren't many stories with this much attention to detail. "the immortal game" is one. This is another. I can only *hope* my own work measures up.
>> No. 118405
It would be interesting to read the counter to this now that I think about it: why isn't this being read by every single person everywhere, and why it gets so little praise?
>> No. 118406
It's long. ^^

Come to /fic/, read the best stories no one reads. Eventually.
When you get the time.
>> No. 118501
>dammit Seattle, update fimfic!
And thanks much for the awesome header coding mang.

>you can't get much higher praise than "I wish I'd done this".
*sniffle* Oh man, this is such a beautiful gift for a writer. Thank you for your thoughts mids, not only are they touching, they've convinced me to shut off the world for the remainder of the day, hike out to a lake, find a nice shady oak tree to hunker down under, and finish chapter 10.

I honestly don't even know what to say to this anon, aside from a 'thank you'.

But, but, it's not even like, 60k! It's not that long at all :/
>> No. 118509
And I meant it. I have yet to see anyone tell a good reason they aren't reading it, like, right now.

But yeah, if this is too long for people to read, we are royally fucked.
>> No. 118848
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Okay. Holy shit. Clocking in at 35 pages, Chapter 10 of Divergence is ready for review!

I'd love to get any of the usual suspects available to go over it before release to a public that's totally forgotten about it.

Minty, Var: would love your eyes for plot and concept.
Dem, Dubs: If you're around, your grammatical insight would be a delight to have.
Do let me know if you guys (or anyone else of course) would care to have a look with a critical eye.
Doc is locked, so just request access.

Chapter Ten of Divergence: Juxtaposition
>> No. 118938
was bouncing around the thread, and it appears you didn't set chapter 10 to be viewable without permission (although this could be intentional).
>> No. 118950
>Doc is locked, so just request access.
>> No. 119056
I've already foamed at the mouth about this to Seattle, so now I suppose I'll spread my froth all over the thread too.

Without rambling too much, have any of you ever seen Ghost in the Shell? You know what I really love about that movie, besides all the cyberpunk?

The diplomatic tension.

In most action movies, there is maybe a mention of things like international incidents, or ambassadors, but it's all background noise. There's a disconnect between the political atmosphere and the action that is unfolding. The reason behind this is because there isn't much world building. The focus is on a specific event, or series of events, and not the structure or longevity of the world in which it unfolds.

A sign of really good world building is the presence of diplomatic tension within-and without-the factions at odds. The actions of the characters have consequences, things like ambassadors are important, and diplomacy is just as essential as combat skill. It's a world that is alive and constantly moving; not just a cardboard cutout.

So let's talk about chapter 10, and all the subsequent chapters. I love how much care Seattle has put into building the political structure of the Equestrian government, and even more, I love how you can see all the strain that Celestia's absence has put on that government.

Don't get me wrong, there is lots and lots of action, and it's all very well written, but you can also see a lot of intellect at work in the way that not every conflict is resolved with violence. Sometimes, a fight fought with words can be more interesting than beating one another senseless. Seattle understands this, and his dialogue is always engaging.

There is also plain evidence of much larger pieces falling into place beyond Twilight and company. That is to say, while you're reading about what's happening in Equestria, you're simultaneously given just enough snippets of information about the political atmosphere of the rest of the world, and how they're reacting to the powder keg situation, to see the bigger picture.

The sheer scale of it is very impressive, and serves as a very nice backdrop without being distracting.

I do wish there was a bit more Pinkie, but I understand that Seattle has a hard time getting a grasp on her whimsical nature. Mystical Lyra still feels a little novel to me, but I've written weirder things~

TL;DR: If you're reading this right now, read the fucking story he wrote. It's awesome.
>> No. 119061
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I'm bored, have some time on my hands. If you feel secure enough about your newest chapter I might take a look and do some mark ups, maybe give a general impression. Put me on the editor list (E-mail has been provided) if you'd like me to.
>> No. 119067
File 134733166410.png - (369.02KB , 450x345 , 100PercentCool.png )
I love you.
>and yes, fuck Pinkie-Pie-psycho-bitch.

>If you feel secure enough

Sure mate, though if you haven't caught up with 9, don't expect to know what the shit is going on.
>> No. 119088
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I'll make sure to check it out. If I might offer a suggestion, linking each chapter to the two that came before and after it could be a prudent idea, or perhaps using an index as the central hub for the story.
>> No. 119091
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Yaaaaaaay great chapter!

I did what I could. I could not brain so well; I was sleepy from a hobby-code binge weekend that resulted in one sleepless night and work. Damn GRRM also blunting my scrutiny.

One thing I thought was a tad bit odd was that the "echo" of Celestia seemed to flit from an interactive, inquisitive thing one moment to a mindless recording the next.
>> No. 119224
File 134743130604.jpg - (216.57KB , 1600x1131 , rainbow_dash_graffiti_by_taliesin_the_dragoon-d4oztiq.jpg )
Aaaaand a huge thank you to everyone who helped out. Chapter wouldn't be what it is without you all.
All in all? I'm pretty damned pleased :)

Chapter 10 - Juxtaposition--

FimFic link:
>> No. 129069
JoyceMay 29, 2011The photos <a href="http://wagxzxtih.com">tunerd</a> out very well and I am grateful that you are both such gifted photographers. Thank you for capturing the special moments at our wedding and for being so generous with your time and energy.
>> No. 131489
<a href="http://2013fitflopsalesingapore.blogspot.com/" >fitflop online</a>
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