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50519 No. 50519
Okay, I got a new pitch for you /fic/. I am currently stalled on "Soldiers in Equestria" (see http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/34082.html) and I got a new story idea.

We have your basic North and South Korea situation, only its between the Humans and Equestria. Humans have cut off all communication, trade, travel with Equestria. And Equestria in turn has banned entrance. It has been this way for years. (needs backstory, ideas welcomed)

Humans are currently dealing with internal problems, and Ponies are actually very curious about humans in general. as very little has been written about them other then what they can see from the human guards at the border. One pony from the university of canterlot has studied humans from afar by telescope for years, and gets tired eventually of just observing border guards, and against the advice of university, braves a illegal border crossing.

So how about it?
69 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Unspoiler all text  • Expand all images  • Reveal spoilers
>> No. 68006
Wow, this is fortunate;
I am currently working on a fanfic about Equestria being re-discovered by NZ pilots (after more than 700 years). The idea was supposed to be a "Real World meets Fantasy World" motif. A group of UN envoys (a British diplomat, a German historian, an American Economic Diplomat, a Finnish Journalist and Documentator, as well as an RAAF flight crew) is discretely sent to Equestria to make the first contact (both culturally and politically), and to prepare both worlds for each other before the discovery is officially proclaimed throughout the world. Then through a series of events, the party finds itself grounded and must maybe even manage to avoid war between the two factions. I'm not quite finished with it, though.
>> No. 68010
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Sounds interesting. Is this chapter oriented, or are you waiting to release it when it is completely finished? Please post a draft.
>> No. 68011
>Punctuation for the list is wrong. To be honest, I'm not quite sure how I'd go about punctuating this, though. The addition of their departments makes it difficult.
Semicolons in place of the first two periods. Maybe one before the "and" as well, but I'm guessing that like a serial comma, that's a stylistic choice.
>> No. 68072
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Like I said, it wasn't a complete trainwreck, so it didn't call for a balls-out review. Simple math: Shit story = me letting you know you're a shitty writer. To be frank, I was quite surprised at how much the writing had improved (again, all things in relation). I attribute this to several points:
You're not using canon characters, so you didn't have the OOC problems.
You're not trying to just jump into a flimsy excuse for the humans to make war, but actually bothering to lay groundwork and lead-up to the conflict.
I like to think my first review shook up your world enough for you to actually attempt to improve yourself.
>You didn't totally write a cut throat review that would make anyone want to clear out the building.
If I remember correctly, my first review brought in several other people. Granted, they were all calling you out, but my point stands.
>> No. 68078
Oppenheimer, Zeppelins, Tsar, Hekaluminium, Brassicopter, Special AIr Service, Coal Town, Brassburg...

Its... getting a little bit out of hand, is it not? Shouldn't there be some kind of explanation about your... interesting choice of terminology?
>> No. 68082

That is a draft. I don't think I will be including it. Might make for a great side story.
>> No. 68095
Actually, as in this story I actually wanted more dialogue than action, I wrote it like a play. With scenes and characters' actions in brackets, etc. I just crossed the 12000 word mark. And I am not quite done, I will start posting scene for scene in at least in half a week (just so I don't manage to stop in the middle).
Now, I just found it interesting that the setting for "Soldiers In Equestria" is so similar. I in fact thought about including a bit more military, but decided to stick more to the political and cultural implications.
(It is also a bit more classical of a plot, as the group is (initially) pretty much cut off from the rest of the world, and the instruments start playing crazy (kind of like a Bermuda Triangle), so they are in fact pretty much up to themselves. It's only that they see it coming this time, and prepared backup to wait for them back in Oceania)
>> No. 71787
I love this fic so much. I hope you update soon.
>> No. 84321
as we have seen in the show, the unicorns magic is very limited. ( it can't keep out one snow storm)
>> No. 84322
I wouldn't be so sure.
Well, anyway, since this thread is back up front now -

Any chance for new info?
I hate to see a good story die.
>> No. 84323
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>Bump after two months for a random post by a random poster
>> No. 84325
Because of reasons.
>> No. 84336
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> I hate to see a good story die
> See a good story die
> Good story die
> Good story

>> No. 84340
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You said what I didn't have the guts to.
>> No. 84362
Oh hi. Yes it updated. See http://www.fimfiction.net/story/2476/2/The-Border/Chapter2%3A-Teaching-and-Arrival

Thank you for calling Tech support. Have a nice day!
>> No. 84375
I have a hard time imagining most ponies would be more or less okay with just saying "to hell with humans" and being okay with this division. There'd be a huge mass of especially loving and caring ponies that would want to help humans with their problems. Not to mention that transportation spells, tunneling spells, and so on aren't that hard to do.

Even if you want to talk about, say, West and East Germany, it wasn't totally impossible for people to cross from one side to the other. And the broad mass of East Germans didn't care for the garbage that they had to put up with-- they knew the free, open society was better.

I mean, if this was my idea, I would say that there's some fundamental X factor in which they have to be separate for, say, their own safety. Suppose magic is like radiation-- it kills humans slowly. Suppose something about human diseases just kill ponies without recourse, and even magic can't stop it. Or something like that.
>> No. 84379

I'm using my name this time. No regrets.
Can I speak honestly here? And I know I'm going to catch all kinds of shit for this, but whatever.
Human in Equestria fics are bad. Try not to take too much offense to this, but there are no two ways about it. This one is lukewarm, Conversion Bureau was God awful, and Aardun Leudd (if I even spelled that wtf-inducing name right) was just weird. Especially when the author started explaining to me that it was both a self-insert story and not a self-insert story when I asked him about effectively shipping himself with Luna.

Look guys; it wouldn't be so bad if all of these things weren't exactly the same, but they are.
Here are the two scenarios:
"What strange creatures these humans are!"
"Let's exploit the ponies!"
"Oh no, they have guns and internal structure problems!"
"Our world is being destroyed by war so we will expand into yours!"


Make something different. Prove to me that there is a scrap of originality in this genre of fanfictions; I've seen more diversity in fan-made Sonic characters. It's depressing. It's like everyone is trying to turn these Conversion Bureau things into Realist (or Naturalist, to be more specific) novels about the problems of mankind and how it contrasts with ponies. Only, instead of being effective in this, they become overrun by half-assed "action", moments of out-of-place and unsubstantiated shipping, and "dark" elements that fall so flat I could feed them through my printer. If some aspiring William Faulkner would like to disprove my theory with a superior story dealing with the above topics, be my guest; but until then, "HiE" will remain as a killphrase for me.
>> No. 84381

I'm surprised no one has flipped out over this.
>> No. 84385
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I'm not. Human in Equestria fics are almost always terrible and almost always in one of the two categories mentioned. If the fic is about humans in equestria, there has to be a reason that the story cannot work with ponies instead. Therefore, the human characters must be plot-centric, which leads directly to "humans are scum" or "Fluttershy is my waifu."
>> No. 84388

Sounds like something you may wish to take to those authors, This is not a human main character story. Sorry you feel that way about HiE or PoE stories. Hope that you find other stories to read other then those.
>> No. 84389

Sounds like something you may wish to take to those authors, This is not a human main character story. Sorry you feel that way about HiE or PoE stories. Hope that you find other stories to read other then those.
>> No. 84391
Someone post this in the Conversion Bureau thread, stat.
>> No. 84393
I would if I didn't agree with him for the most part.

Yeah, it really is mostly, "Humans destroyed the world, and they'll destroy Equestria"* or "Brony goes to Equestria, angst about how shitty Earth is, then becomes a pony or at the very least falls in love with a pony."

Its not that I mind humans being portrayed as destructive, I've seen a lot of media that does that and I'm fine with it. Thing is, usually those stories also have human protagonists and human side-characters to serve as a counter-argument to balance that out, whereas HiE stories don't, except for the token good human who talks about how perfect Equestria is.

It's not even that I mind that humans are generally the bad guy. Its just that the motivation is usually, "Evil!!!, Fuck Yeah!!"

That being said, I don't mind the concept of HiE at all, and I will continue to check out HiE fics (unless the misanthropy is apparent right in the summary or if its a brony) I just wish they didn't tend to be so misanthropic.
>> No. 84397
I've given thought to a story where a pony lands on an Earth where MLP never existed, and then have her found by, well, a human (durr).
And then becomes his pet, since they don't speak the same language. Schenanigans ensue when he eats a hamburger.
Is that original enough for you?
>> No. 84401
Minus the language part, sounds kind of like My Little Dashie.
>> No. 84403
Minus the language part, sounds kind of like My Little Dashie.
>> No. 84406
Minus the language part, sounds kind of like My Little Dashie.
>> No. 84410
Having posting problems, are we?
>> No. 84414
That was an obvious brony one. I'm thinking it'd play out like E.T., but with ponies.
Besides, no one's done a story where the ponies were a pet. There's a few tumblrs like that, but no fics (although there was one where Luna caught a human and made her a pet. Pity it never was updated, since that was a fun idea).
>> No. 84417
Broadly speaking I also agree with this, but is it because HiE fics are bad as a concept, or is it a horrifying example of Sturgeon's Law in action? I think it's just the latter.

It's not like there hasn't been groan-inducing PoE fics or romance fics either, that doesn't mean romance or PoE are inherently bad ideas.
>> No. 84736
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Hey Cabal, I just want to remind you: I LIKE this story. I am having a GOOD TIME reading this story.
I think some fandoms have forgotten what that is.
Don't let the haters get you down.
>> No. 84754
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> is it because HiE fics are bad as a concept, or is it a horrifying example of Sturgeon's Law in action?

90% of everything is crap. But HiE ends up on the receiving end of an exceptionally large percentage of that 90%. There are some exceptions, some can be good. But HiE is one of those most basic universal fanfic ideas. The idea that something would be better if a character more like 'you' was added.

Self insertion/wish fulfillment is a very rickety starting point for any story. More so when you're working with other people's characters.

Saging not to bother Cabal's thread more then necessary.
>> No. 84891
This seems like asking: "Are there more awful tasting apples or more awful tasting black elderberries in the world?"

The answer, obviously, is apples. That's because there's just more apples in terms of pure quantity.
>> No. 84994

I haven't even introduced humans, and I'm not sure to classify this as HiE or PoE. Both share the world.
>> No. 84997
I believe the pronunciation would be similar to "hyper".
>> No. 84999

You get a cookie.
>> No. 85021
Ion-Sturm doesn't eat cookies; they go straight to his thighs.
>> No. 85025
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If I don't keep my body in check, I can't take care of show-offs, after all.
>> No. 111607
Chapter 3 now available.

>> No. 111614
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Woah, this still lives?
>> No. 111616
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>> No. 122848
Chapter 4: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/2476/4/The-Border/Chapter4%3A-The-Learning-Center
>> No. 122879
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>> No. 126518
Chapter 5

>> No. 126520
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>> No. 126521
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>> No. 126523
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>> No. 126526
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Aww yeah...

Front page!
>> No. 126534
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>> No. 127267
Chapter 6 now available.

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