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79400 No. 79400
Previous thread: >>66025

Hello, and welcome to the Story Forge, /fic/'s story idea and brainstorming general thread!

If you have a story idea that you do not wish to write, or are looking for a seed of an idea upon which to build your world, consider this place a literary take-a-penny jar. We can also help flesh out your story ideas, but do suggest that once you get the ball rolling, to move the conversation to one of our many fine Review Threads. If you see someone asking for fic ideas, or posting a few, please direct them here.
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>> No. 79403
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I posted this question in the old thread but then realized it had autosaged a while ago (since the search feature doesn't display the number of replies in each thread). So I made a new thread. Hurrah!

I'm getting into writing a mountain-out-of-a-molehill story wherein some subtle things from canon, specifically things in a particular episode, are explained and given deeper meaning. I'm at a loss, however, for how to include them in the narrative. It poses this dilemma:
1. Include the whole context. It ends up with a lot of redundancy, i.e. rehashing events from the show.
2. Include just the little parts, and have it be less redundant but a lot more piecemeal, chronologically speaking.

Thanks in advance for any insight offered.
>> No. 79414
This was posted in the previous thread:
Original post:

"So...I want to write this fanfiction. It's pretty much Forrest Gump with Derpy. I saw a 'shopped movie poster for it, and my brain was flooded with ideas - but just that. Ideas.

I've never written a fic before, and I have written maybe two stories worth reading, if only to laugh at them, and those were in school and barely a couple thousand words.

If anyone wants, I can share the ideas I've had. I want to see this written. "

I later added most of the ideas I had in a much more detailed manner.

Just gonna expand on this: In light of today's episode, this might not work so well. But I have a few ideas floating around if anypony wants them:

The first shot of the story, the feather, could float down and land on the ground...then we pan up and find out the feather was from Derpy, who just crashed into a tree. dazed, she shakes herself down and drops down to talk to Lyra, who is sitting on a bench below and had just picked up the feather. The two of them get to talking, and Lyra asks why Derpy is in such a hurry.

So begins the first flashback. It's a lot like the one on Forrest Gump, Derpy living with her mother, their house acting as a pegasus B&B, where Derpy's mother mkes muffins for all the guests. Until one day, a wannabe star flyer comes along, and sees Derpy's crazy, weaving flight techniques, and asks for another demonstration. This inspires the flyer, who we find out is one o the current Wonderbolts, to do tricks based off of Derpy's crazy flying.

Derpy goes through school as Forrest did - except in this case it's flight school - and makes a friend, whose name I have not decided. This is the equivalent to Jenny. This colt takes the over-protective role in the relationship - he is beaten at home, so has become tough and unruly.

So, in whatever the equivalent of High School would be, this friend, whom derpy has feelings for, gets into a fight after a jock colt calls Derpy retarded. Derpy senses this, and flies straight to the scene. Another pegasus sees this, and noticing Derpy's odd way of sensing trouble, offers her a place in Weather Patrol Training. Her colt friend, on the other hand, is expelled for fighting.

In WPT, Derpy shows extreme capability, if in a ditzy manner - the job might not be done exactly as you wanted it done, but when Derpy is asked to do soemthing, especially with the promise of muffins, which remind her of home, you can rest assured it will be done. Derpy also met "her very bestest good friend" during this time, a mare with grand ideas about rainbow production and distribution. After graduating on a special ocasion, after saving Cloudsdale from an incoming storm, Derpy gets to meet Celestia in Canterlot, for a special award.

And thus Derpy joins the Weather Patrol, along with her new friend, the one with the rainbow ideas, under a gruff, but experienced, leader. While fighting a particularly recalcitrant storm cloud, Derpy's team are all hit by lightning - Derpy grabs every single one of them, in a phenominal display of strength and determination, like when Dash saved Rarity and the Wonderbolts - and most of them survive. Unfortunately, her friend does not, and her leader was hit in the wings, requiring amputation after such a shock, along with the break in one when Derpy grabbed him. Meanwhile, Derpy is given an award - again - and meets the Princess - again. She herself suffered minor injuries, and meets her mentor again in hospital. They talk about the incident, which made it into the leading paper - The Equestria Daily - and what they're going to do now that they've been allowed to retire on a comfortable state pension.
Derpy decides, that in honour of her late friend, she would take that mare's ideas and put them to use. Her mentor, now grounded, says that the day she makes rainbows is the day he helps her.

Unfortunately, she has no money. Or at least, her pension is not enough. Fortunately, word of her skill at making muffins spread through the wards after Derpy baked some for the hospital ponies who helped during her recovery. She is approached by the Cakes, who offer her a job at Sugarcube Corner.

Her muffins, just like her mother used to make, sell like, well, hot cakes. Sugarcube Corner become the official suppliers to Canterlot Palace after Celestia samples some of Derpy's muffins, and the Cakes and Derpy go to canterlot to sign the official trade deal. Derpy is given a fair share of the profits - which allows her to start her freelance rainbow company, and true to his word, her old mentor lends his knowledge and experience working with weather to the bright-eyed mare. Times are tough, as they find it difficult to procure the supplies they need, most of which are used by the Cloudsdale weather factory. But soon, there is an accident at the factory, and their rainbow-mixing machine is completely destroyed (this has NOTHING to do with the fic Rainbow Factory). They have no choice but to turn to Derpy for supply, and eventually, a new mixing machine. Derpy becomes president of the Cloudsdale Weather Factory, and is now making plenty of money. After a while, she retires, leaving her mentor, the grounded pegasus, in charge. He makes a sound investment in an apple-growing family, famous for their zap apple jam, and Derpy no longer has to worry about money again.

I know I missed the bit where Derpy and her colt friend from school would be reunited at a rally, but I can't go back and insert it without it looking wrong. Assume they reunite at an anti-stormbusting rally, where her colt friend is sympathetic with the wild storms and clouds that want to roam free, only to be held back by weather ponies. Derpy is wrangled into making a speech about her time in the Weather Patrol, but in her nervousness, completely flubs up her words, and nopony can understand a thing she's saying. Then, she spots her old friends, and they fly towards each other and hug, like in the movie.

So anyway, I'll leave it at that for now. If anypony wants more, don't be afraid to ask. I really want to see this written.
>> No. 79432
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Reposting from the last thread:

Okay, so, I was thinking of the Friendship is Witchcraft episode that's a redub of Call of the Cutie, and I was thinking about Cutiemark Acquisition Program and the idea just popped into my head.

Basically it's an alternative universe story focused around Sweetie Belle and Rarity, in which the field of cybernetic prosthetics (or steampunk, whatever, although I really like cybernetic) is just taking off. In this story, Sweetie Belle winds up horribly injured after an accident and loses a few limbs, as well as just massively injured, so she can never walk again.

With the new field of prosthetics, it would be possible to give Sweetie Belle prosthetic limbs and implants that would allow her to walk and be generally functional again. However, the procedure is expensive and the rehabilitation long, painful, and stressful. What's worse, prosthetics are not very well viewed in Pony society as they are seen as unnatural--in addition to being "weird" and mechanical and to generally not be as smooth as natural limbs, they have a tendency to suppress the natural magic that is inherent in all things (i.e. Earth Ponies wouldn't be as good at growing food and taking care of animals, unicorns would find their magic weakened, and they can't even make working prosthetic wings).

Rarity, being the loving and generous big sister that she is, tries her damdest to get the prosthetics for Sweetie Belle, as she only wants the best for her sister--like, after she convinces SB to go through with it, she more or less goes broke trying to keep up with the payments and tends to overwork herself just to make sure her SB is taken care of. Sweetie Belle, on the other hand, would have to deal with going through the tribulations of rehabilitation as well as the stress and paranoia of other ponies' reactions to her prosthetics. The fic would mostly be based on how the two of them deal with the situation and get through it together.

Right now I'm a bit shaky on some details, most importantly justifying the prosthetics. One thing I wanted to have was that the technology was introduced by humans in this alternate universe, with the rationale being that human scientists, while generally having a higher level of technology than ponies, have work with pony's magic-technology in order to overcome the limitations of prosthetic implants (namely neural implantation, smoothness of movement, etc) although it's not a complete process, especially since the technology was originally designed to work on humans--this wold lend another level of "unnaturalness" of the implants. Of course,even if humans are the main focus of the story, I feel like most people wouldn't buy this premise and immediately dismiss it as just another HiE story or whatever. Another idea people proposed to me is to have the prosthetics be purely magic technology developed by unicorns and just pass it off as just being magic--another idea was that the prosthetic were inscribed with zebra runes or something that allow it to work but also have the side effect of draining the user's magic. However, even with these explanations, I'm not sure if it would give enough suspension of disbelief. So...yeah. I need to figure out how to justify it or else the whole story is sunk.
>> No. 79460
Reposting from last thread:

Since this seems to be the thread I need, lemme toss a fic idea I've been trying to work on at y'all. First of all, I need to see if the idea's decent- no point working on a flop, since one of my other fics has taken a big hit recently. Secondly, while I've got the beginning and end plotted out, the middle is one huge blank for me.

Beginning: Applebloom becomes suspicious when Applejack comes home with a rather odd injury one night, coupled with the fact that her and Big Mac have a habit of sneaking out some nights. When she follows them out of curiosity, she discovers that they've been working for a Ponyvillian mafia against their will for a long time, due to some debts with the organization caused by another family member in the past (possibly a younger Granny Smith). When Applebloom is caught spying on them, the mafia boss decides she's seen too much to just be let go. To AJ and BM's chagrin, Applebloom is forced to become a low-ranking member of the crime-ring as well.

Middle: ???

Ending: Something happens to make the Apple family realize that either A: Remaining in the mafia is getting far too dangerous, or B: Odds are their debt will never get paid off. With few other options, the Apples arrange a deal with the Don: successfully clean out one of Equestria's most well-guarded banks, and their debt is wiped out. Despite some hardships, the job is completed, and as a stallion of his word, the Don declares they're free to go. As the three farmponies are leaving, the Don manages to seperate Applebloom from the others. He points out that during their heist, Applebloom had gotten her cutie mark in crime. Since she'd be an outcast if she went back to town with a mark like that, the Don instead takes her under his wing, whether she wants to or not. Heartbroken, the Apple family- minus one -has no choice but to return home and hope for some way to rescue Applebloom, who is now being trained into a professional criminal.

Mostly need help filling in that blank in the middle. I was planning on having Applebloom climb the ranks of non-violent crime through a mixture of luck and effort, but I'm not quite sure what the crime hierarchy is. Also, I'm not looking for it to be completely 100% about crime, but I'm not quite sure what I could use for those less actiony scenes. If the idea doesn't sound like a failure, any general suggestions would be very much appreciated.

Was mostly ignored last thread, though one guy mentioned it sounded too grimdark. I was aiming for more of an action/comedy with a sad ending, if it helps.
>> No. 79465
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The bank heist should be the main focus of the story. I can see a lot of comedy potential, but I should add that comedy with a sad ending doesn't really work, as comedy can't really build up to sadness and the ending then tends to overshadow the comedy of the rest of the story. Unless you want a sequel, you should move the ending to the middle and make the ending about Apple Bloom's rescue. You could even squeeze a good moral out of it regarding AB's cutie mark and how the Apple family convince the other townsponies to accept her regardless of her past.
>> No. 79468

Yes, I did have a sequel in mind. That moral, however, is excellent. I'll definitely keep it in mind.
>> No. 79469

You've already got your middle. Through the convenience of fiction, that "something that happens" will be right after Apple Bloom becomes involved. Maybe it's just the simple fact that Apple Bloom DOES end up tangled in the mafia business that causes AJ and Big Mac to realize it's time to get out, in order to protect her.

Apple Bloom gets a crime-related cutie mark... Maybe she then redeems herself somehow? She could become a Robin Hood, or maybe the skill is one that she got as part of the heist that she discovers can be applied for better causes.

And you're saying that it's going to be non-violent crime - perhaps it could have some comedy elements. Keep it relatively close to the show (something not enough fanfiction does) and make it believable that there's organized crime underneath the Equestria we know from the cartoon.
>> No. 79473
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Welp, that voids most of my post. >>79469 makes some excellent points, though.
>> No. 79475

Yeeeees, exactly what I was going for. The Robin Hood idea's a nice touch.

Still, I'd like her to at least dabble in the underworld before they realize it's time to get out. Maybe they do plan on leaving due to Applebloom's involvement, but can't until the moment is right? How's that sound?
>> No. 79533

Probably one good robbery (or something) would be enough for that. Just to give a taste before the big heist.
>> No. 79554
I have a gag idea.

1. Awkward pony under stress is in Twilight's library.
2. He decides "confound those ponies, they drive me to drink".
3. He can't open the bottle with his hooves.
4. He kind of sucks at magic, so concentrating doesn't help.
5. He gets so frustrated that he decided to take the bottle, position it, and then ram his horn into it.
6. Success!
7. How the fudge am I supposed to open it now? This doesn't help.
8. Wow, this feels awkward.
9. Oh, rats, I just smashed it all over her desk.
10. Oh, no, I just poured it all over her candles.
11. Ooooh... her desk is on fire. Yep, now it's the bookshelves.
12. Twilight is soooo going to murder me for this.

>> No. 79556
I agree. Comedy -> depressing is a difficult thread to needle.

Unless there's some really, compelling reason that you want to write it like that, I caution not to do that.
>> No. 79586
The general consensus seems to be avoid a sad ending to a comedy. Which of these would be best, then?

A. Two stories, first one ends sad, sequel ends happy (original plan)
B. One story, go from happy->sad->happy
C. Drop the sad.
D. Other


I like it, sounds like a funny, short read. Still, a few things could use fleshing out for a complete opinion.
>> No. 79591
I wouldn't think of it in terms of "best". I'd think of it in terms of, how do you want to pace the darn thing.

Personally, as a writer I would write something like 'B' most of the time. I would go to 'C' if I felt like my sad-ish ideas didn't fit well with the characters, if the story was getting too long / too ambitious, etc.
>> No. 79598

Guess I've got some thinking to do. Thanks for the help, everypony.

Still got that middle gap though, if anypony's still feeling helpful. Don't suppose someone happens to know the hierarchy of nonviolent crime?
>> No. 79612
Watch 'Trainspotting'. Then, 'Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels'.

That's the first thing that comes to mind. I don't know what specifically to point out, except that if I ever took a pass at being a criminal I'd probably get friends like that and live like that.
>> No. 79613
Yeah, I thought that comedic scene would go in either my 'Migraines' story or my 'Under Every Lamppost' story. If you're curious, they're at: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/7337/Under-Every-Lamppost and http://www.fimfiction.net/story/7216/Migraines (yeah, I'm shilling... but whatever :P )

I really like it. It reminds me of Mr. Bean, only pony.
>> No. 79702
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hi I don't have any experience in writing fanfiction but I got a few ideas and was wondering what people thought .

1 . a large pony war during the time the show is based in so it would have the mane six . it would be the warriors of piece ( celestia's side ) versus the armies of discord .some other species would join in . the griffons would be mixed some would fight for discord while others would fight for celestia . gilda would be a relatively major character in the story .

2 . a pony bank robbery , involving several proffesional pony criminals who aren't exactly in the same harmony groove as the others . And end up robbing the bank in canterlot ( I know it hasn't exactly been said that there is one in the show but I decided there must be ) . they get in some tight spots and in the end some serious stuff goes down .

3 . the story of the beginning of the universe . the alicorn who was the father of the heavens and the earth and is in the spirit of them both . it would be a lot less of a story than the others . it would be more of a history book with a better plot XD . the picture is what inspired this idea
>> No. 79704
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>Idea 1
Equestria: Total War already covered most of this angle, even down to Gilda having a starring role.. If you're convinced that you can put your own spin on it, please do so, but keep in mind that E:TW is one of the longest, best-acclaimed pony fics in existence. Try not to come across as if you're leeching its success.

>Idea 2
Similar in some ways to Silverquill's idea. Bank robbery scenarios have a lot of space for both gritty action and light-hearted comedy, so make sure you're going for one of these genres or the other. If you want 'serious stuff' to go down, you might want to consider the former option.

>Idea 3
If you use this one, you should probably go with describing this alicorn's thoughts, emotions and ideas as he creates Equestria as we know it around him. This is probably the only time I'll ever recommend the first person perspective.
>> No. 79706
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thanks for the advice . honestly I hadn't read or heard of Equestria: Total War . So I don't really know if I'd be doing the same stuff as it . I just kinda have had this image in my head of a situation so greavous that celestia herself actually went into the battle .

idea 2 : I intend to go with more gritty action later in the story but earlier on it's gonna have a bit more of a comedic tone to it .

idea 3 : I was already thinking the first person perspective would be more fitting not least because it would make more sense as who else would be there to recount his tale .
>> No. 79725
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In the last thread I brought up an idea for a fic that required a name. Still, I have yet to come up with a name and require a bit of help in that department if anyone is willing to give some.
>> No. 79726

I suppose I should provide the posts detailing the idea.


Those specifically.
>> No. 79781
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So I've never thought about writing a MLP fan fiction before...in fact, I've never done fan fiction before save for a pokemon thing I wrote when I was 8....but an idea has been floating around in my head for a while, and the only way it's going to let me focus on anything else is to write it.

I want to examine Cheerilee more in-depth. I think that there's an aspect of her character that needs to be addressed - her cutie mark. Every other cutie mark on the show is fairly straightforward....you work at Sweet Apple Acres, so you have apples. You love animals, here are some butterflies. But Cheerille's is different. She's a teacher, so she has....smiling flowers?

I think that while on the show there's nothing more to this other than designing the toy before the character, there is potential to get an interesting story out of this.

The basic idea is a short story about Cheerilee having a terrible day at school, and coming home in tears. Twilight Sparkle comes to visit, and through her venting, Cheerilee breaks down and reveals the fact that the story about what her cutie mark represents is, in fact, a lie....her mark was discovered as a kid when she was tending to her neighbors garden. She is miserable because all convention in Equestria states that your Cutie Mark is your special talent and what you do with your life...but she doesn't want to garden. She's always wanted to be a teacher, even though it's taken her years to become one while she's seen other teachers master it quickly. And even now, she makes mistakes (another thing I want to go into during the story).

The basic moral I want to go into is that for as important as they are, cutie marks are NOT absolute. Despite the idea of finding who you are and being in many ways a rite of passage, it is ultimately up to the pony to decide what they want to do with their lives. Have the story end with a re-energized Cheerilee telling this to her class.

Is this an idea worth going into more, any ideas to add to the story, any feedback? Please be blunt and honest, I kinda want to get this story going and could use any feedback possible.
>> No. 79814
I'd love to see a fic like this, after all you don't really have to like what you're good at but while this is not a problem among humans it could be a problem for ponies who have their special talent permanently stamped on their flank.
>> No. 79815
Interesting idea, maybe part of Cheerilees breakdown should include a discussion about cutie marks like:

Student: "I already know from my cutie mark what I'm gonna be when I grow up."

Random pony: "That's exactly why you shouldn't get a pony with a cake cutie mark when you need help fixing your roof."

Mentioning the important link between cutie mark and profession should help the readers to understand Ms. Cheerilees breakdown better, she's afraid that if anypony found out the truth about her cutie mark they would fire her because her cutie mark indicated she would be so much better at gardening than teaching children.
>> No. 79818
While I haven’t invested any real work into the characters or plot of the following idea, I’d like to know if my barebones premise resembles something with potential.

The chronicle I’d like to write would detail the establishment of Ponyville as told through the intertwined lives and dramas of a handful of families. Thematically, the story would be focused on acceptance, but would also contain musings on the topics of pride and love. Timeline-wise, the story would begin roughly where the events of Granny Smith’s flashback in Family Appreciation Day conclude.
>> No. 79908
Someone needs to make a scarface & mlp crossover. Basically just rewrite the movie in equestrian terms. i think that bring a movie about a cuban drug lord and equestria together would be awesome.
>> No. 79910
>Basically just rewrite the movie in equestrian terms.

But in that case, we could get an even better experience if we just watch Scarface again.
>> No. 79967
I recently had a fic called "Raindrops Keep Falling" posted that used a similar premise. Raindrops doesn't like being a weathermare despite having raindrops as a cutie mark and had an adventure discovering that what you're good at and what you want to do can be totally different, and that's okay. It has received mostly good marks, so I think you're idea is sound and doable. I'd want to read it if you do decide to try it out.
>> No. 79974

I took the time to look through that one (not a complete read-through, but I'm definitely gonna do that tomorrow), and while the premises definitely have some similar traits, I want to go in a different direction then what you did.

In yours, Raindrop doesn't want to do what her cutie mark represents, and the point of the story is her, through adventure, discovering her true passion. You very much wrote a discovering who you are adventure story.

I want to take a more "grounded" approach, if that's the right word to use here (I'm much better at writing dialogue than anything else...the story won't even leave Ponyville) where Cheerilee already knows what she WANTS to do (and has been doing for years - namely, teaching), but has also been conflicted for some time over the fact that she's been lying to people, saying that her cutie mark represents something it doesn't. The story would focus on her having to deal with knowing that while she's doing something SHE loves, it goes against all natural convention in Equestria - she should be working with flowers, not teaching kids. It would be less about her discovering what she WANTS to do, and more about coming to peace with herself over her decision to go 100% against what her cutie mark represents.

But thank you very much for bringing your story to my attention. Will very much be reading it in full tomorrow.
>> No. 79986
I judged from the sticky and giving this thread a quick browse that this was the right place to get feedback for fic ideas. I hope I'm right...If not then I'm very sorry. And don’t worry, I’ll put a tl:dr version at the end of course.

I'll keep things short and sweet: now that I've gone and created my Pony OC I thought it was time to start fleshing him out and getting his story told. More than that however I wanted him to learn the fabled "Magic of Friendship." Now here's the thing, while I'm confident enough in my writing abilities to make this enjoyable for at least a few people, there are a few aspects to this story that I know may rub some the wrong way. And that's what I mainly want feedback on, if some of these aspects really turn you off to the point that you would right away be inclined to think less of my work.

Blue Straggler is the supposed descendant of the one and only Starswirl the Bearded. Either way few in all of Equestria can match his level of expertise in magic. Born a natural genius his skills were only further honed by his noble upbringing in a pure-bred Unicorn Canterlot family. It was only inevitable that he would be personally invited into enrolling in Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. At his time of enrollment he was the youngest student in the school's history. As the years passed he not only became the school's greatest student, but his skills in magic surpassed that of even the most qualified of teachers they had.

Up until this time however, Blue Straggler lived a very sheltered life. And even when given the opportunity to socialize and make friends or even just otherwise enjoy the company of somepony else he would reject the very idea. He simply has no longing for friendship whatsoever. Being aware of this, Princess Celestia herself appointed him a new master outside of the school....

Twilight Sparkle. Who was instructed to not only continue to sharpen and challenge his skills in magic but most importantly: show him the "Magic of Friendship” just as she had when she first came to Ponyville. Being sent away from Canterlot for the first time, Blue Straggler is of course against the idea at first but then bitterly accepts when told that Twilight is the only teacher who could be worth his time. It is then throughout this story that Blue Straggler slowly, very slowly at first begins to warm up to this idea.

I’m going to try and write the story in a more “true to the show” style. Keeping the light-hearted elements of the series and doing my best to keep the characters all intact. In the end it’s all about discovering the true meaning of friendship and the magic it unlocks in our hearts, a magic we never knew existed. And the strongest magic of all to that regard. I’m trying to keep the messages this amazing series has given us and taking them to the next level. To how much I can do them justice I’m not sure but I can certainly try.

So, with that in mind I do love the story idea and want to really bring it to life to the best of my abilities. But I’m aware that while all of the Mane Six will be shown in all their glory this is still a Pony OC-centric story. And to that regard this is a pony who has an established relationship to an existing character-sure Starswirl the Bearded is only talked about but I can still see how this can be bothersome. Second, he’s interacting with all of the Mane Six characters and forming bonds with them, and has Twilight as his teacher. Though I can tell you now there is no way any of the characters are going to fall in love with him or anything like that; I can also see how this may rub some people the wrong way since it still revolves around his friendship with them and how it affects both them and him.

Tl:dr- I want to create a pony fic that stays true to the heart of the series but revolves around my Pony OC as he discovers that Friendship is Magic. It still has all of the Mane Six characters playing a central role but it’s mainly in their interactions with him. That being said however there is no romance and none of them are going to fall in love with him or anything like that. Part of his backstory is also that he’s the descendant of Starswirl the Bearded though I’m flaky about it since I can see how it could rub some folks the wrong way.

So yay or neigh on this idea? Any constructive criticism is more than welcome. Thank you so much for your time.
>> No. 80004
Ah, I get it now. So would this basically be a supporting character's Cutie Mark Chronicles? How are you planning to move from the breakdown to the endpoint? I only ask because I'm interested and would like to see a story like that completed.
>> No. 80017

It would have a flashback scene to show her getting her mark, but the story would mostly take place over a weekend in the present...

Friday: Cheerilee has bad day at school, comes home in tears. At some point, Twilight comes to visit her, when she finally has her breakdown and reveals the truth. Long conversation with Twilight, but nothing is solved...Cheerilee is miserable and broken.

Saturday: Cheerilee spends most of the day at home, just thinking and reflecting. Doesn't go out, doesn't talk to anybody. Begins to plan even moving out of Ponyville, as she can't take the stress anymore.

Sunday: SOMETHING INVOLVING PONIES. The bulk of the story takes place Sunday.

Monday: Cheerilee returns to school, confident for the first time in a long time. She tells her students about the fact that cutie marks are not absolute, and that no matter what they are told, they are always in control of their lives and their future.

So as you can see, I'm still in the early stages of planning everything out. I have several ideas for what happens on Sunday, but I'm still in the process of figuring out how I want it all to come together into a story.
>> No. 80018
Maybe she can have a talk with Rarity, her cutie mark is three diamonds for her gem finding talent so after normal logic she should work in a gem mine. Instead she just uses the gems for her true passion, dessmaking.
>> No. 80020
File 132750502145.jpg - (296.58KB , 1313x1043 , 131280739580.jpg )
So this is my first fanfiction idea, but I feel like the story I have in mind has already been written (or something close to it, anyway).

It would focus mostly on the CMC, Applebloom in particular. After visiting Sweetie Belle and her parents, she starts to wonder where her own parents are, since all she remembers is living with her sister, brother and grandmother.

Applejack avoids the issue at first, so she goes to her friends for advice. She talks to Scootaloo, who mentions that her parents are "up in the clouds".

After returning to Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack takes Applebloom to a small hill right next to the orchards, where AJ explains to her that their parents might be gone, but they'll always take of them and the orchard.

I'd want to keep the story close to how an actual episode would play out. I don't want to explicitly mention the word "death", but it would be implied. Scootaloo would mention her parents are up in the clouds meaning they could either be dead, or in Cloudsdale.
The hill at the end would either have the graves of their parents or some kind of memorial.
The story would be written from a 3rd person perspective and it would follow Applebloom.

My questions are, has anybody written a similiar story? I came up with it but I feel like this story has already been done.

Even though I posted it here, it's likely that I may never write this but I figured I might as well share the idea.
>> No. 80023
Here's my fic idea - it's a sad and somewhat grimdark fic featuring Sweetie Belle.

Each part occurs a few years after the previous part, so I'll say in advance that in the first part of my fic, Sweetie Belle is 11 (I'm using human years). The age that she is in each part will be relevant soon enough - you'll see why at the fic's end.

The story starts with Sweetie Belle getting her cutie mark after being the lead in the school musical. She is also the first of the CMC's to get a cutie mark.

Four years later, a now teenaged Sweetie Belle comes across an article in the local newspaper that Horner Music Group (bad pun, I know) is holding auditions in hopes of finding its "next megastar". Sweetie Belle does not want to audition, but, after persuasion by Rarity, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo (both of whom now have their cutie marks), she reluctantly accepts. During the auditions, things go quite well, and it's soon down to two candidates: Sweetie Belle and another pony who also has a cutie mark based on singing (haven't quite worked out the name, but she's female). Sweetie Belle beats her and gets the lucrative recording contract, and as the other pony walks out the door, she says darkly to Sweetie Belle, "You haven't seen the last of me."

Fast forward another year. Sweetie Belle has just released her first album and has become the new darling of the music world. She is now also THE teen heartthrob - she's the one that all the colts wish they had and all the fillies wish they were. On the flipside, her rival from her first audition had also signed for another recording company since then, but her debut album is a flop, and she gets dropped from her label.

The next part occurs another two years later. While Sweetie Belle is currently top of the charts and still the biggest-name singer around, her rival has since signed for yet another label and released another album, but this one is a massive success. A few weeks later, both are nominated for (the pony equivalent of the Grammys goes here), and after the nominations are announced, there is a much-publicized spat between the two that eventually becomes physical. Sweetie Belle's rival eventually bags plenty of awards at that awards show, while Sweetie Belle wins none at all.

Five years on and while Sweetie Belle's rival has gone from strength to strength, Sweetie Belle, after being unable to handle the pressures of touring, a voracious fanbase, having to "one-up" her rival, and various other pressures, has spiralled into alcoholism and drug abuse. During this period of addiction, Sweetie Belle is on tour, and she is slated to perform in Ponyville next. Of course, the mane 6 all turn up for the concert, as do Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. However, to their shock and horror, Sweetie Belle staggers out onto the stage, clearly under the influence. The concert is a wreck, and Rarity goes backstage to talk to Sweetie Belle after the concert. About a week later, Sweetie Belle goes public about her substance abuse, and soon checks into rehab. However, upon Horner's finding out, she is dropped by Horner.

Three years after that, Sweetie Belle is now clean, but still labelless. However, things haven't been going great for her rival, either - her rival has since been arrested twice and been divorced. Thinking that it's time for a comeback, she takes a punt on an independent label to release her comeback album. It turns out to be a huge success, selling millions of copies, and winning big at (the pony equivalent of the Grammys goes here again). She is heralded as one of the "great comeback stars of the modern era". Her rival, however, is at her lowest ebb - the day after the awards, she goes public about HER substance abuse, as Sweetie Belle had done before, and checks into rehab. A few months later, she's out and clean, but vengeance and jealousy still reside in her...

One year after that, Sweetie Belle is touring again. After one of her performances, a "fan" with a backstage pass goes backstage to "talk to her". Once backstage, the "fan", who is actually her rival in disguise, pulls out a gun and shoots Sweetie Belle dead, making her the latest in Club 27. (See what I meant?)

The ending of the fic is Sweetie Belle's funeral, and the epilogue happens fifteen years after the end of the fic. In it are a young filly and her father in a CD store. The filly then picks up a Sweetie Belle CD and asks her dad who Sweetie Belle was, and the dad says, "A tragic genius."

>> No. 80026
Someone definitely needs to do a crossover with the Mega Shark universe.
>> No. 80034
File 132751346777.gif - (45.29KB , 200x157 , (My Little Pony) (1).gif )
>Sweetie Belle

My heart feels... tingly cold :(
>> No. 80037
> The story starts with Sweetie Belle getting her cutie mark after being the lead in the school musical.
Oh, this’ll be good.

> Five years on Sweetie Belle's has spiraled into alcoholism and drug abuse.
Oh. Wait. No.

> Once backstage, the "fan", who is actually her rival in disguise, pulls out a gun and shoots Sweetie Belle dead
Well, it started out feeling like My Little Pony. It ended somewhere very, very different.

Is there a point to this story beyond “Sweetie finds her talent and then it slowly destroys her”? I can see stories about following a character arc from ‘fine’ to ‘dead’ as they slowly self-destruct, but those are usually about illustrating a character who has a very clear flaw that predisposes them to this kind of trajectory. Sweetie Bell is not an obvious choice for this, so the whole thing feels kind weird and out of the blue.
>> No. 80057
If anyone feels like writing a Doctor Whooves fic (in which he actually is the Doctor), write one where he teams up with Lyra. Daleks make the mistake of going on one of their "humans are inferior" rants in front of Lyra. Stuff goes down.

I feel like this could be fun.
>> No. 80058
Similiar, no, but people have played with the AJ's dead parents angle. The CMC angle and trying to keep it within the confines of the show could make it stand out though. As with anything if the writing is good they will come.
>> No. 80059

Have Scootaloo say that her parents are "up in the clouds." At the end of the fic, they come to visit her from Cloudsdale. They are alive, healthy, and love Scootaloo very much.

I would pay money to see this happen. Not a SIGNIFICANT amount of money, but still.
>> No. 80063
Good to know the idea isn't a complete ripoff then. Maybe I'll write it, but I haven't written much outside of some theatrical dialogue and a bit of prose for college assignments.

Money? I'm sure we can work something out...
Putting that part after the revelation might make the ending weird though, it's supposed to be about the Apple Family after all.
I think that kind of ending could work though, it'd be more in line with the show itself too.
>> No. 80066
Can I use this idea if no-one else is going to?
>> No. 80071
File 132753073361.png - (814.77KB , 1920x1080 , 132718085855.png )
Simmer down, Sally, the money's mine!
>> No. 80074

Probably not after the ending, then.

It could be Apple Bloom hears Scootaloo say that, thinks for a while that maybe they're in a similar situation, and then the visit comes not too long afterwards. The next day, perhaps.
>> No. 80115
So I've been toying with this idea for a while but I'm kinda not sure how to proceed, for the first few chapters I plan on it being like how the universe was formed, basically there were three entity's Farther Time, Mother Earth and um.... Brother Space?(That's the only name I'm not sure of) Mother Earth turns out to be evil, and since Space is younger and foolish he joins up with her. Thus big war proceeds eventually leading up to ponies being created, same as Discord, windagos and every other evil beast in the show. Pretty much the Big Bang. Farther time who had been struck down spreads his essence into select ponies and that is the cause of the alicorn race. Skip forward centuries to Nightmare moon, once her sister is banished fearing for other ponies she locks all alicorns basically in another dimension, and all memory of them erased. Somehow Twilight starts recieving dreams from said forgotten alicorns and starts in a search to find a way to try and find out about the being who calls to her in her sleep. Eventually she might find a book telling of the tale and.... well thats pretty much all I have right now. But I think I might have to mention this that the alicorns will be minor not like moving sun or moon but like warming up certain places for maybe a few miles in doing so bring SPring/ Summer/ Fall/ Winter. But then Im not sure if thats what pegasus do,I think they control the weather in the sky like clouds but Im not sure.
>> No. 80123

This sounds like a good idea Starman, I'd be honored to read it.

Don't give up! You can do it!

*posts the Waterboy's "You can do it" clip*

>> No. 80176
File 132756917568.png - (128.96KB , 413x360 , 132425177569.png )
Okey, so I redirected here after I dun goof'd.

I have been working on an idea for a fic and want need people opinions and ideas, I also work faster when I have people to bounce ideas off of.
First I will acknowledge that takes inspiration from another fanfic called "My Little Dashie".
The plan right now is to have the main character make a wish at his birthday, he monologues about how it's silly sense he doesn't believe in magic and stuff like that but he's all "Why not? Not like anyone will know. It's just all fun." He simply says "Rainbow Dash" in his head as he blows out the candles.

A day later, at night he's walking one night down his usual walking route (passing through a graveyard) but can feel that something strange is in the air. Then all of a sudden a giant rainbow coloured explosion! He is knocked off his feet, back/head first into a nearby tombstone (I have a habit of walking through a local graveyard) his vision goes black for a second and he slowly gets to his feet. He can clearly see a sky blue/rainbow like lump laying on the ground. He goes over to inspect it. He puts his hand to the back of his head where a lump has formed and wonders if he is seeing things. He kneels down and notices that the thing is breathing.

Rainbow Dash would still be in her older form from the show and have her cutie mark. The main character would spend most of his time geting to know Rainbow Dash as a "Person" and trying to figure out how to get her home to Equestria as well as keep her a secret from his friends, family, and the world.

I want to make it so he journeys to Equestria at some point (as a human). The Mane 6 have to go through the trouble of hiding him until Twilight can figure out how to cast a spell that will allow him to turn into a colt. Pinkie Pie will do as Pinkie Pie does and do all kinds of crazy stuff to disguise him in public.
I still need to give it a plot to make it interesting, instead of just having the main character interacting with everyone, aimlessly. I will have him talking and hanging out but only some of it will be fluff and stuff.
I also want to make it interesting through the ways the main character interacts with Equestria. I want to have him change over time into a different person because of the new experiences and environment. I also want to have him get shaken up abit when he comes to the conclusion that magic exists and that alot of the stuff he has grown to know and accept are of falsehood.

I hope someone out there reads this. I would love to get feedback. Maybe ideas to add in or change?
>> No. 80224
I've been wanting to write fics that are more like the show but I keep getting sidetracked. I'm going to post my first idea here to keep me on point and any opinions will be appreciated.

I plan on having derpy run his courier route and having to drop off mail to the mane 6 which will be the launchpad for shenanigans. Thoughts?
>> No. 80243
Well, my first concern is: When did Derpy get gender reassignment surgery?
>> No. 80246

The thing with Human in Equestria is that it's extremely overdone and you'll really need to shake things up to make it stand out at all from the crowd.

Pony-on-Earth is a bit more original, but again, very common. Especially with Rainbow Dash, for some reason.

Basically what you have is "human ends up in Equestria and meets the Mane 6" which describes nearly every fic in the genre.

Still, if you write this, people will probably read it. HiE fics, as cliche as they are, are still very popular. Just don't expect anyone to be blown away by the originality of what you have right now.
>> No. 80249
woops yea I realized that earlier and didn't bother reposting but yea I know shes a girl
>> No. 80251
File 132760803337.png - (490.49KB , 1027x1600 , 132448455767.png )
>Just don't expect anyone to be blown away by the originality

When you write a fanfic that's kinda obligatory :P

>Pony-on-Earth is a bit more original, but again, very common. Especially with Rainbow Dash, for some reason.

It's because Rainbow Dash is best pony, duh!
I haven't read much ponyfics but I'm not in the least bit purprised that It's as common as you say it is. In fact, I will take your word on it.
Like I said (I think I said), I will need to find ways to make it more interesting.

Also I don't plan on having the main character go to Equestria for quite a while. After meeting Rainbow Dash he would be taking care of her, playing, and hiding her. I was thinking of having Twilight and the others show up on Earth to find Rainbow Dash. Yeah I know, It happened in My Little Dashie. Instead I want to have the Mane 6 show up without the Princess knowing and maybe hanging around on Earth for a while. The spell Twilight used will require some time to prepare so yeah.
Right now I'm thinking that the main character beggs to be taken back but Twilight doesn't think it would be a good idea. Of course him and Rainbow Dash have developed a strong bond and Twilight allows him to go, but only for a short time. The Mane character plans on convincing Celestia to let him stay or at least come and go.
>> No. 80273
I find male Derpy to be interesting.

It would actually be funny to have, say, Derpy discover something like Calvin's magical box from C&H that duplicates / transmogrifies her into having many copies-- but each different.

Say, one's male, one's extremely kind, one is devilishly michevious, one is an aloof genius, etc.
>> No. 80280
This one sort of came from nowhere. Octavia and the other bandponies board the H.M.S Blueblood, a luxurious cruise liner, as the entertainment. Then everything goes all Poseidon adventure, with the upside down ship and the teaming up to survive thing. Or they get boarded by pirates or griffons trying to capture Celestia. Or Doctor Whooves and Derpy show up to fight some kind of menace onboard. Basically I liked the cruis ship idea and the Octavia angle, but I have no clue what would happen next... thoughts?
>> No. 80332
>I find male Derpy to be interesting.
As did Tabitha.


Heh, "Derpy" was the name given to male Ditzy in On A Cross and Arrow. Much like "Little Pip", this is obviously a covert fanfiction reference.
>> No. 80341
>Much like "Little Pip", this is obviously a covert fanfiction reference.

Nothing about Pipsqueak was a fanfic reference. Having a similar name is not a reference.
>> No. 80343
File 132767973492.jpg - (110.83KB , 500x300 , spike_shut_up_and_take_my_money-(n1298514156046).jpg )
>pirates or griffons

Make them Pirate Griffons! If you do, pic related.
How would they capture Celestia anyway? Have it so that they try to kidnap Blueblood to get to Celestia.
>> No. 80408
File 132771678806.png - (257.39KB , 490x501 , 1326003718356.png )
>Pirate Griffons

>> No. 80738
Okay, how's this idea.

Much like how Applejack and Twilight had one-shot character antagonists in the form of the Flimflam Bros. and Trixie respectively, what if I were to write a story about a pegasus stallion and his one-pony airshow coming to town and pissing Rainbow Dash off, leading to a competition which quickly turns dangerous, forcing them into a situation where they must co-operate instead of compete to survive (with the Letter to Celestia being something about respecting your rivals and not losing your cool to the point where you're unduly risking your neck for ultimately petty reasons)? Would this work?
>> No. 80739
Looks like you are keeping it in line with the show which wins bonus points from me. We don't get enough stories like that. I say go for it.

Here I'll throw an idea your way if you choose to take it then go for it.

Have the competitor peform an amazing stunt that rainbow dash can't replicate. This queues her to investigate and that could be the driving force to bring your plot foward.
>> No. 80740
And before anyone asks: no. There is not going to be any shipping in this fic between the jerkass-rival OC and Rainbow Dash. Ship-fics aren't my thing, especially in the OC-canon character department.
>> No. 80744
Hrm, I was sort of thinking something like that. His cutie mark special talent is carefully-controlled fires (extremely handy due to his character history background as a sugarcane farmer (pegasus born to earth pony sugar farmers [yes I was somewhat inspired by Baby Cakes here]), he could incorporate an elaborate fire-and-lightning finale into his routine to provide the "un-mimicable trick" that he could have).

I've actually written up most of the character's profile, history, abilities, etc. on another thread on another pony board. I can repost it here, if you want, but I should probably mention that it's extremely long. Most of the detail in it probably won't even make it into the fic - it'd just be there in the back of my head to help me better grasp and understand the character's actions and behaviours while writing.
>> No. 80747
So your oc is a master of pyrotechnics, but my concern is that you would have to explain to your audience that he got these skills from working in sugarcane fields. I didn't even know you had to run sugarcane by a fire until you told me, and it doesn't feel like a good enough catalyst for him to learn how to control fire. I'll be honest it doesn't seem very interesting to me either.

Let me take a potshot here and of course this is merely a suggestion.

He comes from a line of vaudevillains who would travel. This is where he picked up the skills and showmanship to do fire gags, stunts, and unique forms of weather control. It might be a bit traditional, but it is an angle you can pursue. So while Rainbow Dash is faster your oc can be more agile since he has the body of a contortionist amongst other vaudville acts you can think of.

Also have him get coated in fire gel and do a fire gag where he just flies around on fire hehe.
>> No. 80760
Eh. I guess it just appealed to me since I grew up in a city whose major agricultural industry has always been sugarcane. I can remember as a kid how in harvesting season, when I went outside, it'd be raining ash from the canefires (the wind always carried the ash several kilometres). Always fascinated me.

But I get what you're saying. Most readers are Americans, and most Americans don't have a clue about the process of sugar cane harvesting (because of how corn is so much bigger than sugar in the US).

Anyway, the vaudeville idea could work, I suppose. I'll think about it. And I find the idea of him using fire-gel in his routine to be a rather novel idea, if handled correctly.
>> No. 80764
You can still write about the sugarcane, but this will require a shift in focus making your oc the main and RD a side if you want to make it work. This will allow you to develop the sugarcane angle just be careful and don't bore your reader.

My counterpoint to that is that the vaudville route gives your character a lot of skills that you can use to further your story and doesn't need as much exposition to explain to the reader.

You can make both angles work you just have to write it differently. The vaudville route lets you keep the focus on Rainbow Dash while the Sugercane farmer direction allows you to shine a light on the oc.
>> No. 80765
Valid points. I don't want RD to be shoved into the background by a spotlight-stealing one-shot character (even though spotlight-stealing is sort of his business), since I do still want to keep this more in the spirit of the original show. I'll have to think about this some more...

Thanks for the help so far, in any case.
>> No. 80820
I have been working on the concept for this story for about a month now and wanted to discuss a few ideas before going ahead and actual writing it. (No use in going through all the work, if my concept is flawed. Right?)

Synopsis: Twilight Sparkle and some of her friends (Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Storm Heart) embark on an expedition to the ancient pony empires from before the founding of Equestria.
For this journey the Princess has granted them the use of Equestria’s newest and fastest Airship: The HMA Princess Luna.
But not everypony wants this expedition to succeed or come back at all.

The story includes lots of adventure, but is basically character driven. Main protagonist would be Twilight Sparkle who has to come to terms with a world that is not what she thought it to be. (The Germans call it “Weltschmerz”)
Other would be my OC Storm Heart who hopes on this journey to get rid of powers and responsibly he never wanted. (I ran him through mary sue check, he came out clear. Unsure if anyone would be interested though. I’m thinking about scrapping his part, but by now that would mean major concept rework.)
Naturally I have a bunch of OCs to act as the Airships crew. Don’t think I could fill that role out with the cast or background ponies.
I have worked out a closed concept for magic in Equestria. Among other things it explains the airship’s engine (I call it petetuum mobile), earth pony and pegasi magic, magic items.
I have a whole subplot planned back in Canterlot with the remaining main cast, which revolves around a sabotage attempt on the airship and several different factions who have reason to stop the expedition.
>> No. 80827
File 132794703827.jpg - (3.88KB , 140x252 , 1346326.jpg )
A Fallout Equestria fic where the entire plot is stolen from Metroid Fusion, except replace the Metroids with dragons.

A Trixie x Blueblood fic, Trixie working as a court jester, or, even worse, as a maid. They spend the entire fic trying to fuck each other over (literally and non literally) until finally they both crack at the end. Several ways this can end.

A fic where a young Mr. and Mrs. Cake square off in a baking contest with each other and bakers from around Equestria to win a fully payed-for shop set up in the budding town of Ponyville.
>> No. 80839
>The first one

Why? What's the point?

>The other two

Yeah, I'd read them.
>> No. 80841
>The HMA Princess Luna
I'm not digging the name of the ship. It comes off as too egotistical to have it named after one of the princessess who is currently living. You will have to tell us what HMA is and to be honest that isn't necessary. Look up the names of nautical ships to get an idea how to name one. I'll throw a few examples your way to give you an idea (feel free to take any you like): The Pride of Canterlot, The Charging Bronco, and The Windingo

>Character Driven Story
The focus should be on only a few characters then. Luckily for you the mane 6 are already fleshed out, but that means your oc needs to have some time dedicated to himself. This is where things can get tricky as you don't want him stealing all attention away.

>Airship Crew
Here is my opinion. All you really need is a captain and a comic relief character and the captain can do both. You can make Storm Heart the captain and you would slice the number of ocs by one tightening your story more. Which is what you should want since it's character driven, adding a full cast of characters will complicate things since they will need their own archs, character journeys, etc.

>Equestria Magic
So you want to throw your headcanon into this, okay there isn't anything really stopping you, but you do have to make it interesting. For the airship, you don't need to make up words just research the many areas of ships and airplanes and take it from there. This makes your job easier since you don't need to explain as much to the reader. If you want to make up your own vocabulary then make sure your words arn't awkward, just say petetuum mobile outloud and you will know what I mean.

>B Story
Since this is character driven I'm against you having a second story. One reason is that it takes attention away from your main characters and the second being you have to expand your fic even more. Adding multiple stories will turn it into an epic which makes it that much difficult (not impossible) to keep it character driven. My suggestion would be to scratch it and turn it into an exchange of letters between Twilight and her friends. This will allow you to tell the reader about background information without having it spill over your main story and more importantly a great tool to clue the reader in on the passage of time.
>> No. 80843
Alright, so I had a idea for story, I've already written some of it, but I need to know if the Idea is going to flop before It gets past the first chapter or two. (also, this has potential to be a very long book, and may even spawn more stories from if it s a good idea xD...i think to much sometimes.)

Alright, so the basic premise of the story is that an Alicorn with an unknown origin is brought to Equestria and raised there in secret, away from the eyes of the princesses. Growing bored with his dull life he decides to set off and try to find the place of his origin after a little persuasion.

First he goes to ponyville to try and get some help with his rather limited magical talents, and from there it basically goes all downhill.

this will be a dark story with a bit of romance and maybe some comedy to lighten the mood in a grim situation or something, (one of my weaker parts I think so don't hold your breath)

The mane cast will be in it, but mostly it's going to be Twilight, Rainbow dash, and maybe possibly Apple Jack. There the only ones who would have any major role in it. Oh and Pinke Pie might have a good sized role in it.
>> No. 80847
Thanks for the input.

>HMA Princess Luna
HMS stands for Her Majesty's Airship. Like HMS stands for Her Majesty's Ship. Didn't make that one up. For the naming of the ship after the princess: Actuall took that from the British navy. There have been ships named HMS King george etc. But after breif reasearch I found out that they have been dead by the time the ship was build. That would hardly work with Luna now, would it?
The hay, I liked the name, but it might not work after all.
Will have to come up with a good new one. Plan on using the ship as a character, just like the falcon had been.

>Character driven:
Yea, I am trying to keep the cast tight.
But I don't see an Airship working like the milenium falcon. So I think of using side characters that either don't have an arc or just a small one. The Pequod was not sailed by two mans either.

>Equestrian Magic
Didn't make petetuum mobile up
I actually took it from "Jim Knopf und Luckas der Lockomotivführer"
But for all applied purposes I could call it a Hyperdrive and be done with it. Will definetly not explain in in detail in the story. Maybe in an appendix for those truly intrestet. Have written it already anyway. Mainly though I understand what I am writing about.

What about earth pony and pegasi magic though? Thats not really (explained) in the show, but I kinda like to work with that idea.

>B Story
Letters sounds good, had been playing with that idea myself. Just have to make it so, that the letters actually add to the main story's conflict.
>> No. 80848
Never implied that the airship will be run by a single pony, but you don't need to have them all individually named and what not.
>> No. 80849
Is it essential for your story that the OC is an alicorn? Or could he be replaced with a unicorn without changing his personality and motivations?
Most people dislike OC alicorns, because they tend to be mary sues.

I would also reconsider writing in a genre that you know you are not good at. Just scrap that part and focus on your strength. Keeping to a single genre makes writing easier anyway.
>> No. 80850
Alright, missunderstood you there.
Thinking real hard if I can condense the fledged out crew characters to one or two now.
Could leave out AJ while I am at it too, and the CMC wich I forgot to mention in the first place.
Wonder how that would work out.

Would be possible to make more than one story from the stuff I came up with. For example a second one focused on advanture and a third one that is a political thriller.
Or just one epic. But that would surely be hard to write.
>> No. 80851
Well, It could be a unicorn, but It would make more sense to be an Alicorn, since the little back story that I made up...WAIT. I HAD AN EPIPHANY.
...A unicorn would be fine.

As for the small comical relief thing, I'm never gonna get better if I don't try now am I? I know what you mean though.
>> No. 80852
Hack, the characterr driven plot would propably work out better if it were just Twilight and one or two other characters traveling on hoof or wing.

Hope I'm not spamming, but my mind is buzzing with ideas right now.
>> No. 80854
Heh, I feel ya Sebba. I think this new idea I have would actually work out better too. Gives me something else to write about (different plot lines and things)

For now I Think I'm good as far as that goes, but I'm still a little unsure about a few things, but I'll work on that when I get to them....except now I realize I'm going to have to rewrite those 11 pages I had...>_<
>> No. 80856
That's why I put more time in the concept work than I did beforer. So I have figured everything out before I hack away at the keyboard.

But oh well I am sure you will get past 11 pages again in no time at all. ^^
>> No. 80857
Heh thanks. Problem isn't with the pages though, its with the proofreading and stuff. That takes the longest. But enough of that, I have work that needs to be done!...and a proofreader to be found...xD
>> No. 80858
A series sounds better to me. It could be a series of pulp tales revolving around a central event or character. I say go for it.
>> No. 80859

Define "pulp tales" I have never heard that used before in any literary environment xD

right now I'm having trouble renaming the OC. Was hard enough the first time >_<
>> No. 80860

oh...oops. You were talking to Sebba and not me weren't you? Still getting used to this whole forum. Its weird compared to the others I've been to... Ignore that question if you want to xD
>> No. 80862
I think I had considered this before. Set it up in episodes, each with it's own storyline, all conected by one big arc.
That would certainly make room for much to be told, to explore different characters and places.
Thanks for bringing this up. Will see if I can come up with plot for few episodes.
>> No. 80888
File 132797675770.png - (41.05KB , 550x400 , 1325757234694.png )
With much help from /fic/'s IRC I have redone alot of stuff form my story. Need thoughts and opinions.

I still plan to have the main character make a wish at his birthday, he monologues about how it's silly sense he doesn't believe in magic and stuff like that but he's all "Why not? Not like anyone will know. It's just all fun." He simply thinks of Equestria and MLP:FIM in his head as he blows out the candles.

A day later, at night he's walking one night down his usual walking route (passing through a graveyard) but can feel that something strange is in the air. Then all of a sudden a giant explosion! He is knocked off his feet, back/head first into a nearby tombstone his vision goes black for a second and he slowly gets to his feet. He sees a orange and purple lump laying on the ground. He goes over to inspect it. He puts his hand to the back of his head where a lump has formed and wonders if he is seeing things. He kneels down and notices that the thing is breathing.

The main character would spend most of his time geting to know Scootaloo as a "Person" and trying to figure out how to get her home to Equestria as well as keep her a secret from his friends, family, and the world.
At some point the main character will ask Scootaloo how she ended up in his world. It will transition to Scootaloo's point of view before she ended up on Earth.
Her and the CMC were, as usual, trying to find their cutie marks. Sense Sweetie Belle is a unicorn they thought they would try magic, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom can't use it so they settle for trying to be helpers or even earn their potion making cutie marks.
They go to Zecora's, hoping to learn from her sense Apple Bloom knows her so well.
Zecora is working on a potion when they show up and says she will help them as soon as she is done. Zecora leaves for a while to grab an herb she needs and the CMC look around her hut, they find and old leather bound tomb. They flip to a random page and grab all the herbs, stones, and candles they need. The spell is casted and Scootaloo is sucked into a portal and taken to Earth.
Is it the main characters fault she got trapped on Earth? Or is it the Cutie Mark Crusaders?

At some point the other two CMC's will come clean to Zecora who will run to get the help of Twilight and the others. They cross over to "save" Scootaloo.

I want to make it so he journeys to Equestria at some point (as a human). The Mane 6 have to go through the trouble of hiding him until Twilight can figure out how to cast a spell that will allow him to turn into a colt. Pinkie Pie will do as Pinkie Pie does and do all kinds of crazy stuff to disguise him in public.
Lyra is after the main character because of her interest in human, and wanting to prove they exist. The main character will be spending time at the homes of several of the mane 6, having to deal with the different environments. He will be working with Twilight on a amulet that will allow him to take on a colt form at will, to help blend in. He doesn't have his cutie mark so he will have to do do that as well. He will strugle with the fact that he can't eat meat, master his unicorn powers, and deal with the fact that Scootaloo treats him like a father even though he isn't very keen on taking care of a kid. What will he do with these new found feelings for Rainbow Dash? What about colt friends? Will he be able to find some colt buddies outside of the mane 6?

I would love to get feedback. Maybe ideas to add in or change?
>> No. 80942
Ok, reworked some of the concepts from Journey, this is what I came up with, pls tell me what you think about it.

Title: Endless Horizon

Synopsis: Twilight Sparkle leads an expedition to the lands of the three pony tribes that were abandoned before the founding of Equestria. For this journey the Princess provides her with Equestria’s newest and fastest Airship the HMA Horizon and her crew.
But not everypony wants this mission to succeed or the Horizon and her crew to come back.

Further description:
The Story will be told in several Episodes, each with its own focus and arc, strongly connected by the overall arc that is the journey.

I have two major storylines, the first is the journey itself, the other is about the rest of the mane six uncovering a conspiracy in Equestria that threatens the lives of her family and friends on the expedition.
I plan to jump from one storyline two the other from chapter to chapter.

I have a lot of OCs, most of them for the crew, some of them antagonist. I will start the first episodes with focus on the original cast, till the OCs are sufficiently established for them to have their own episodes.

Noticeable OCs are:

Captain Buddeldot (Bottle Death) is an earth pony mare and the best, if craziest Airship captain in Equestria. Some say her thirst for rum is only matched by her thirst for adventure.

The Stride siblings, Long Stride, Bold Stride and Star Stride, make up the Airships crew.

Long Stride is an adventures playboy who only beliefes in bits, booze and his horseshoes.

Bold stride is perhaps the strongest mare alive and happens to have a rare fighting cutie mark. She likes strong things, strong opponents, strong drinks, strong stallions. But her lack of common sense gets her into trouble time and time again.

Star Stride is clever, quiet scholar with a knack for astronomy and navigation.

Quick Fix / Toolbox: The new BG Pony from Super Speedy cider press 6000 is the engineer, responsible for the ships engine. She is the most kind, sweet and caring mare you will ever know, if you happen to be a machine; if not she will most likely not know how to act around you at all.

Storm Heart is a student of meteorology from the Cloudsdale Akademy Of Science who works on his thesis about ancient pegasi weather magic. As soon as he heard about an expedition into the ancient lands he jumped right onto it.

Lucky Guess is a private investigator from Canterlot. He suffers from a condition called: Being a cynical asshole. He claims it comes with the job.
>> No. 80994
Here's an idea that's been sitting in my head for a few days.

Rainbow is in love with Fluttershy and has been for years. However, as far a Rainbow can tell Fluttershy is straight. While Rainbow doesn't like that, she accepts it and has learned to live with it.

Then one day Fluttershy and Applejack reveal that they're together.

Rainbow is hurt, but bottles it up and tries to deal with it on her own in order to keep Fluttershy happy.

But then Rainbow finds out exactly why Fluttershy loves Applejack.

"Oh Applejack's so brave and strong. She's very dependable. I can always count on her to be there for me."

Rainbow doesn't really take it very well, because all those traits apply to her as well.

So she begins to grow resentful towards Applejack for "stealing Fluttershy" away from her, and starts lashing out.

As for how this "lashing out" manifests, depends on writer, although nothing grimdark.

Another thing, about the fics conclusion. I recommend against the whole "finding a replacement love interest thing" for Rainbow since that will undermine pretty much the entire fic. It would be strange for her to be in love Fluttershy for years and get angry to the point of lashing out at Applejack for "stealing her", only for Rainbow to suddenly fall in love with someone else. Maybe as an "X amount of time later" epilogue, but certainly not as a conclusion.
>> No. 81010
File 132805636586.png - (76.31KB , 700x700 , base copy.png )
hello evrypony i had this idea for a fanfic about derpy and rainbow dash being sisters
>> No. 81034
>Lucky Guess
He is a private investigator, they don't rely on chance, they dig and dig until they get the truth. The name doesn't suit him unless he is inefficient at his job then it's fine.

You have a lot of female characters, but if thats what you want then go for it. No problem with it, just pointing it out.

Other then that go for it. You got to start writing eventually.
>> No. 81121
>Lucky Guess
It's more of a pun. Something contradicting his job and talent. Do you think this alone makes the character implausibly?

Anyway I have already begun writing on the first chapter. Progress is slow, for I try to improve my writing style on the whole "show and not tell" thing.
>> No. 81297
Thats going to be your decision to make. Ask yourself, will the audience understand. It can work if the chatacter is fleshed out.
>> No. 81386
Posted this idea in the old thread but here it is again.

Celestia and Luna are distraught because one of their many many other siblings is coming to visit, the problem here is that like Celestia and Luna he or she is a son/daughter of armok the god of blood (DF player). Many years ago an unspecified event turned the two alicorn sister from completely psychotic deities that blow up cats and flood the world with magma for fun into kind and benevolent rulers. Now the sisters are in the uncomfortable position of one of their still insane siblings building a fortress in Equestria and telling all of their subjects how Celestia and Luna invented the thermonuclear catsplosion.

The fic would be dark comedy mixing the DF players comedic sociopathy and other hijinks ensuing in the fortress and the princesses increasingly shattering image when their brother/sister reveals that Celestia and Luna were once far worse than Discord.
>> No. 81572
File 132831719561.png - (2.27MB , 1068x555 , Diamond Dogs.png )
Just a quick question...

IN addition to the Cheerilee story I'm writing, I've had an idea for another story, completely in the other direction..namely, a comedy story starring the characters who I think deserve a lot more praise in the show -The Diamond Dogs.

I kinda want to make the main 3 out to be bumbling, almost 3 Stooges-esque characters, basically Lovable Villains. Have them try to seek revenge in Ponyville with a series of poorly thought out plans, with everything obviously going wrong at every turn.

Does anyone know if there are any stories out there regarding the Diamond Dogs, and more importantly, if you'd be interested in reading a comedy starring them?
>> No. 81588
Honestly, the only fic I've seen with diamond dogs in any kind of role was chapter one of The End of Ponies. Oh, and they're Dirigible Dogs. :S

Apart from that, I don't think I've really seen them anywhere, but I like the idea. Try doing a search through the EqD fic archives for Diamond Dogs, and you might turn something up. The idea sounds like fun though.
>> No. 81603
A certain infamous fic a crossover with The Human Centipede used Diamond Dogs as villains.

I think a comedy with them would work pretty well.
>> No. 81606


I have no interest in making them serious. I want them to bumble their way through everything, to the point where even though they're Villains, you can't help but love the guys.

This may or may not also be a part of my ongoing quest to get the fanon to accept their names as Bowie, Ziggy, and Jareth.
>> No. 81607
Sounds like the Amoeba Brothers from Powerpuff Girls. Also, considering how they have canon names, probably not. (Fido, Rover, Spot. Don't remember which is which.)
>> No. 81608
I'm imagining something like Boris and Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle.
>For once I'm too lazy to bother finding a picture for a post
>> No. 81614

Yeah, very similar to the Amoeba brothers.

Also, were those names ever officially canonized? I seem to recall Lauren mentioning the names on her DA page, but never actually mentioned in the show or anywhere else...
>> No. 81616
If I recall correctly, it was just Jayson Thiesson on Twitter, not Lauren Faust on DeviantArt.
>> No. 81658
Thora, I suppose is the name of the one shot background pony from the last episode. Where did she come from? There are few if any references to Norse Mythos in the show. Why is this? Well this is the story I want to explore. Why is she here? Why does she wield the power of the mighty Mjölnir in her cutie mark? Will she ever be a major player in Equestria, or is her purpose on a higher level?

So it goes

Celestia and Luna are the goddess of the sun and moon in the realm of Equestria. While their powers are wide ranging and powerful however, their Magic permeates everything around them. Even into worlds they do not understand nor are aware of. . One day they receive two strange visitors to their hall. Two horses, clad in mighty armor. One Emanates light and warmth, the other seems to stay veld in shade and cold. Politely they bring gifts and introduce them selves as Skinfaxi and Hrímfaxi. Norse horses from a different realm. They bring news that their powers are in conflict with those of Celestia and Luna and it is causing problems back in their realm. Without going into too much detail, Celestia and Luna decide to accompany the two back to Goðheimr, or Asgard for all intents and purposes. In peace, to resolve the issue.
So basically I want to show Celestia and Luna being shown hospitality, but having copious amount of drink constantly pushed on them. The gods like their drink, and their mounts are no different, so Celestia and Luna don't want to be rude. They are Greeted by
Odin's horse Sleipnir and he takes a liking to the two curious Ponies from another realm. He gets blasted drunk alone with Celestia, while Luna passes out after relatively few drinks. Impressed she is able to hold her own Sleipnir invites her back to his stable.
(I won't do anything too graphic or gross, just let it be known that when Celestia and Luna return to Equestria she is with foal.) Thora.
(^This is what I have given the most thought to so far.)
This is where I get into foggyness. See I was thinking Celestia returned to Sleipnir in Asgard To hide the fact she had a foal from Her realm. While there she and Sleipnir visit the Norns who decree a fate for the future Thora. She may be raised in Asgard until the Son of Odin, read Balder is killed. From there she is to be hidden in Equestria from Loki who will use her power for Evil. Basically she remains there until after Ragnarok occurs in the Norse world. There she is to Become the new ride of the Arisen Balder. The story would focus on her before she moves to Equestria and after she does. Obviously being a Nordic pony Thora is a wolf among sheep and has to hilariously adapt to Equestrian Culture. Thats a hell of a lot I know.
>> No. 81681
All right, here's an idea for a story. Trixie, Zecora, Gilda, Big Macintosh, Derpy Hooves, Doctor Whooves, Soarin', and Spitfire wind up together in a group hired to find some world saving artifact in the vein of the G.E.C.K from Fallout 2 with a similar story path with Trixie as the Chosen One and the rest serving similar roles as the companion characters from Fallout 2.
>> No. 81683
Oh, and in the same time period as the show takes place in, not the Fallout: Equestria time period.
>> No. 81684
You're going to need a bit more to it then that to entice someone into writing it.
>> No. 81685
It would start of in, say, Hoofington with Trixie being randomly chosen to find the artifact and being told to go back to Ponyville to find Derpy Hooves due to her possibly being descended from the pony who hid the artifact away. When she reaches Ponyville, she sees that Zecora has apparently been robbed and winds up offering to assist her in finding the culprit if she agrees to assist her in the journey. After finding the culprit, Zecora joins and they figure out the Derpy is in Manehattan on a mail job. From there, it would progress in the Fallout tradition of being forced to help everyone you see for small bits of information and being sidetracked from your actual quest by the little distractions.
>> No. 81686
It would start of in, say, Hoofington with Trixie being randomly chosen to find the artifact and being told to go back to Ponyville to find Derpy Hooves due to her possibly being descended from the pony who hid the artifact away. When she reaches Ponyville, she sees that Zecora has apparently been robbed and winds up offering to assist her in finding the culprit if she agrees to assist her in the journey. After finding the culprit, Zecora joins and they figure out the Derpy is in Manehattan on a mail job. From there, it would progress in the Fallout tradition of being forced to help everyone you see for small bits of information and being sidetracked from your actual quest by the little distractions.
>> No. 81688
If I might make a suggestion: don't call it a Fallout 2 crossover, because then everypony will expect it to be related to Fallout Equestria. Unfair, I know, but that's how things go.

It sounds like you're not really suggesting doing anything with the story that really merits calling it a crossover as opposed to saying it was inspired by Fallout 2. It's A Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door borrows heavily from Tolkien, but doesn't call itself a crossover.
>> No. 81689
Yeah, that is probably a good idea. I am personally just posting the idea in hopes someone will adopt it. I love Fallout: Equestria, but I just want to see a fic on what Fallout would be like if characters from the show went through it.
>> No. 81732
Somebody needs to write Rainbow Dash's self-insert fanfic based on her favorite series, The Adventures of Daring Do. Make it as hilariously awful as possible with Rainbow as a total Mary Sue.
>> No. 81735
A Brony (YOU) who isn't at all special and is basically a looser, becomes a god after dying in some kind of accident.
He recreates equestra with but a thought.
What now? (you can do anything, even 'Fus Ru Da' Celestia after eating the elements of harmony and bitch slapping discord (but thats unrealistic because who would do that?). should be interesting to see how you'd react. Also gives a lot of space for creativity).
>> No. 81776
That sounds like a total recipe for disaster. A third of the audience is just going to want to go weird perv-ish things, another third will want to do horrible troll-ish things, and the rest will be more like 'meh'.

Sorry if I sound overly negative...
>> No. 81870
So, other than the "dying" part (which makes it difficult to use a computer), YOU are essentially a fanfiction author.

You have a choice - you can write an interesting story about regular characters who must solve their problems in creative ways, or you can make your protagonist an all-powerful god who is met with no opposition and wastes his time on meme references.
>> No. 81951
A fic where Derpy is the author of the Daring Doo series.
She writes under a synonym because she tries to avoid the fame.
>> No. 81961
only because it's Derpy would this be funny. pseudonym is the word you're looking for.
Now, think the idea would be interesting, but that's not even really a fully-fledged idea you've got there. Still, it seems entirely workable into multiple fic ideas.
>> No. 82017
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Hope this is the right place for help. Greetings gentlecolts, I came here for some help. I'm in need of a pun off of Broadway for my fanfic...this is...if you don't mind. Have a comic for your troubles...
>> No. 82036
Here's an idea for a comedy fic.

After another cider season passes without her getting any cider Rainbow Dash decides to resort to more drastic methods. The next day her tent is outside were the cider stand was and RD explains that she wants to be the first in line next year so she's going to camp there the entire year until next cider season. The others of course think she's gone crazy and try their best to talk some sense into RD. After almost giving up on the cider crazed mare more ponies follow her example. Applejack learns that all those ponies have also never gotten any cider at all. Applejack then realizes that she never took into account that many ponies that buy her cider also get in line the next day and that many ponies don't get any cider at all during the season. To solve this problem she decides to let everypony draw a number to make sure everypony got their share. In the end she gives all of the waiting ponies special number cards guaranteeing them to be first in line next year and to make up for the missed seasons they get two cups of cider on discount.
>> No. 82044
And what does this pun correlate with. I can give you something, but you got to give me more then just "I need a theatre pun!"
>> No. 82059
So I've got two ideas right now:
1. A compendium idea (sort of like Conversion Bureau) where everyone can write a story about how their OCs gained their cutie mark.
2. A story about the mane 6 going to Manehattan. It'll be a crossover story with some of the more famous residents of the big apple. So here's how I see it playing out
Twilight: visits Coltlumbia where she meets a pudgy scientist and his team who are working in the study of Ghosts (who ya gonna call)
Dash: when separated from the group Dash tries to save a pony in danger but runs into a mysterious vigilante. Just who is the amazing spidercolt?
Rarity: lost in a bad part of town Rarity runs into a mysterious pegasus it's Luna in disguise can the two now find their way out the slums?
Pinkie Pie: While visiting Equestria's largest toy store Pinkie runs into a playful stallion, but what secret is he hiding tom hanks pony FTW!!
Applejack: Applejack tries to find something in the city that's not hoity toity but can's seem to find anything... that is until she finds a store that sells nothing but Apples... to bad she just destroyed their most valuable apple.
Fluttershy: Fluttershy tries to relax in Central Park but ponies keep scaring away the animals. Will she toughen up or will the hustle of Manehatten do her in?
>> No. 82083
>A compendium on how oc characters got their cutie mark.
I can see this working. I'm not too crazy about the idea, but I can see people getting involved with this. You can put it up in the guise of a writing excercise to practice developing ocs. This should boost your number of participants.

>Ponies Take Manehattan
I like it. It's going to take some worldbuilding, but luckily for you Manhattan is a pretty well know town so people should know most of your ponified versions of the city sights. And as a resident of New York City myself I can offer you any advice if you need it when it comes to that and city life.

>Twilight gets involved with the Ghostbusters
I don't like crossovers, but many do, regardless since the ponies are in Manehattan you might as well take full advantage of the locale and drop the crossover bits. You could do way more then a ghostbuster parody with Twilight. You can have her go to one of the many museums dotting the city and have her get locked in. Send her to the New York Public Library and have a heap of shenanigans there. I'll give you one for free, throw Patience and Fortitude (Those two lion statues) in there and have them come to life through a backfired spell from one of the many dusty tomes held within the library. Get her into a heated chess match against another pony, you got so much more potential. To reiterate you can do so much more with Twilight in Manehattan then a Ghostbuster crossover.

>Rainbow Dash meets Spidercolt
Same argument as above your walking into crossover territory. And just like Twilight, you can do a lot more then have her get visited by your friendly neighborhood Spidercolt. Look up the documentary Dark Days and have Rainbow Dash get involved with hobo shanty towns trying to expose their plight to the city at large or try to use her abilities to acquire goods for them to make their life easier. As seen in Over the Barrel and other episodes, while RD can be arrogant she is always ready to help those who she sympathize with.

>Rarity meets Luna in a bad part of town
So Luna is a supplier these days huh? Your going to need to elaborate further on this, but my impression of it is a resounding meh. New York is the fashion capital of the world. I know if I were Rarity I'd get involved with that element.

>Pinkie Pie goes to FAO Shwarz and meets Tom Hanks
Okay I like this one it's Pinkie Pie, not sure what Tom Hanks has to do with it so your going to need to elaborate further on that if you want me to give you an opinion on it. Going with the trend of giving you something to consider: The city is teeming with weirdos and all sorts of characters as well as a budding nightlife for the pony who likes to party. You can do something with that as well.

>Applejack goes to a store and breaks a valuable item
Applejack deals with apples and enjoys apples, but she doesn't strike me as one who is obsessed with apples that she would go to a store like that. Then again there are stores that are dedicated to nothing but Hershy bars and Nintendo products in New York so you can make it work. You can just as easily put her in a antique store so you can add interesting objects in besides just apple themed accessories. As before let me throw a suggestion your way. There are farmer markets in the city, have Applejack try to do a Gala 2.0 but this time she will be competing against competitors selling different sorts of food, you can take it anywhere from there.

>Fluttershy goes to Central Park to play with animals
Central Park is pretty tame. You want hustle and bustle you go downtown or take the subway you ain't going to find it in Central Park. Whenever you think of park you think of a relaxed place. So if you want the park angle might I suggest an event that creates noise. Central Park always have events going on Shakespeare, concerts, exhibitions you name it. Oh and theres a zoo there so yea, but it doesn't have to be 100% accurate to the real Central Park, unless you want to use the zoo which can work. Another suggestion, little pony in the big city. How long do you think Fluttershy will last?

As always you are not required to take any of my suggestions, but you're welcome to do so.
>> No. 82084
File 132849086648.gif - (500.48KB , 465x349 , wellillbep1.gif )
The MC is a singer so he always dreamed of performing on Broadway not knowing that it's been destroyed by the megaspells.
>pic unrelated
>> No. 82089
>Rarity's story
the premise I want to go off of is that Rarity thinks she sees a famous fashion designer but instead wanders into a bad part of town. Unfortunately she runs into some thugs, possibly diamond dogs, and try to escape but gets caught in an ally. Then a pegasus who she bumped into earlier shows up and helps her escape. They become fast friends as they explore the rest of manehattan. At the end of that part of the fic Luna reveals herself to Rarity.
>Pinkie Pie's story
It's a joke on the movie Big in which a kid is turned into an adult (played by Tom Hanks) and has to figure out how to survive in New York. I considered playing the party angle but I thought it might get too dark for my liking (OD ponies doesn't' sound like something I'd write)
Basically she goes to the Apple Store (the big clear box one). I might have her also try to find something familiar to grasp onto in the city but she has no luck until she finds the store. I might end that fic with her showing the owner of the store (pony steve jobs) that he's forgotten about just selling apples and has just made it into a mechanized business no I'm not anti-apple just playing with ideas here
yeah she's the one part of the story I'm having trouble with maybe [?] that future episode with Iron will will help [?]
>The cutie mark Idea
Should I just make a thread then?
>> No. 82111
You can try the Macbeth myth. Say his name three times in a theatre and you get cursed. In order to alleviate it you have to go outside spin around three times and spit on the floor. I'm not superstitious, but I've seen some shit.

You can try using stage directions in his dialouge (stage left, right, downstage, upstage crossing).

You got to give me something more specific, but here are some terms and words that are used. You can try coming up with something yourself.

Show must go on

matinee- two shows one in the afternoon another at night
Everyone hates matinee's cause shows don't feel the same in the afternoon compared to the night. Also your doing two shows in one day.

We're going over
Stage managers would give actors/crew constant updates on time as the show nears. When they don't start at the exact time stated we would say "we're going over 5" which means wait 5 more minutes. And when the show is going to start we say "places" which means get in position.

I can give you more but like I said you didn't give me much to work on so I'm just giving you random anecdotes. Got to give me something more specific and I might be able to tailor it to what you want.
>> No. 82118
Still feels weird for Luna to be there. I guess if she is in Manehattan on business, but still what is a divine being sister to Princess Celestia doing in the ghetto? You got to answer that question and justify her being there.

>Pinkie Pie
Why do you think that the only way to do the party angle is having oding ponies and drugs. Not every club is like that. There are upscale clubs where the elite go to and your local watering hole. Besides look at the show, they do alcoholic references while remaining tasteful. You don't need to do anything grimdark to make partying Pinkie work, get creative.

Ah, Apple Store, okay if thats what you want to do go for it. Keep in mind she is the only pony as far as we know from the mane 6 who has family in Manehattan, so you can do something with that.

>cutie mark idea
You can try asking around first. I'm not the one who is going to participate in the thread so you got to find a few people who will post their stuff to get the ball rolling. I'm not the person to ask, but I still think it's a good idea.
>> No. 82122
File 132850063402.jpg - (7.04KB , 225x225 , 131502791437.jpg )
Well, he's really a jazz singer but I like the Macbeth myth. Would make a good humorous chapter. I couldn't think of any other place that was famous in the east coast(of the US) that was music related.
>> No. 82146
I had the idea of putting a pony musical group-- a pastiche of Joy Division, The Fall, Gary Numan, Negitvland, etc transgressive anti-social post-punk outfits-- into Ponyville. Of course they break windows, smash instruments, scream about death, and so on. Everypony is horrified except for Twilight. She kind of falls for the lead singer, but she's also interested in them for intellectual reasons (since they're hardcore anti-Celestia anarchists who just want to destroy everything in the Occupy Wall Street mold).

I named the frontcolt 'Ian Kevin Sheffield' as a cross reference to Ian Kevin Curtis and Sheffield ponies.

I've written a little bit (emphasis on the word 'little') of this idea in: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/9591/The-Pony-League

But I'm not asking for a review, I'm asking if this ideas sound too non-canon/anti-canon or too farfetched. I'm also worried about it becoming a Gary Stu / 'Twilight falls for me!' story.
>> No. 82150
File 132851001730.png - (492.50KB , 3000x3281 , 132848530084.png )
Crazy pony x Doctor. It would pretty insane (harr harr) to pull off, but damn it would be new and unique.


Anyone? What? More Fluttermac? Scratchtavia? Twilestia?

>> No. 82152
Enough of the darned Scratchtavia and Twilestia!

I want Scratchestia!

>It just works!
>> No. 82163
File 132851681935.png - (175.05KB , 911x997 , Discord shrug.png )
I've been seriously tempted to write a fic with Discord and Steve Magnet. Not a shipping fic, necessarily, but sort of and odd-couple thing.

Because when a show gives me a God of Chaos and a Fabulously Foppish Sea-Serpent, I just can't ignore them.
>> No. 82183
File 132853696722.gif - (92.82KB , 426x600 , Adachi Fool.gif )

To be fair, Doctor x Patient, especially Doctor x Mentally Unsound Patient breaks a shitton of ethical regulations, so you could pull it off maybe, but I'd be hard pressed to accept a "loving" relationship between the two.
>> No. 82201
Yeah see, that was my main point. It would be questionable, but we already have people pumping out far worse.
>> No. 82203
And definitely less interesting.
>> No. 82216

Fanfic romances know no taboos. I doubt doctor/patient relations are the worst.
>> No. 82234
>Jazz singer, couldn't think of another famous music place.
Is this pony serious? New Orleans gave birth to jazz and it's the jazz capital of the world. You can make your character a cajun.
>> No. 82235
YYyeah, if you don't know the basic roots of Jazz and its origins, you might be better off picking a different style of music. =)
Or come down to the French Quarter, have yourself some chicory coffee and begneits, and just sit and listen to everything around you.
>> No. 82242
File 132856408557.jpg - (133.70KB , 512x1024 , Shadows.jpg )

Never said don't write it or that it couldn't be a good story--I've actually a fascination with things that are grimdark or just plain fucked up--just that if you planed to play it as a genuinely loving relationship I'd have to call shenanigans, or rather, I can accept the two being in a relationship but I wouldn't be able to accept them being in a good relationship.

Then again that's just me. I'd probably read it anyways. If you wanna write it, go for it.
>> No. 82246
Actually, there is a simple way of playing it:

The patient is his wife, who has some sort of dementia or whatever you want it to be, and he is there because he wants to be close to his wife, even if it's hard to see her like that.

See? Loving relationship with great depth, easy way to combine sad with funny, none of the creepy "she is my crazy patient... SCORE!" vibe.

It's like you aren't trying people.
>> No. 82251
Yawn. Way to take the easy way out.

Also, how simpleminded can you be? "she is my crazy patient... SCORE!" is the complete opposite of what I was thinking. Imagine the horror when he begins to realize what is happening, when his 'observational conversations' with her begin to flow more naturally in their own messed up way.

Hell, if you don't like it THAT much, you could even end the fic with him leaving Ponyville to go find work somewhere else, forever questioning if it is the right decision.

Honestly people, get creative here. Christ.
>> No. 82254
Oh, well duh, the other way of playing makes him a creep.

Even that version makes it a bit difficult to swallow to most, so I made one version where half the readers won't jump of-board the visit before it gets to the harbor. That's what "she is my crazy patient... SCORE!" means in this circumstances, if you don't try to make it less odd for the reader then the doctor will be seen as that.

Also, for the record, if you were planning on making that any other way I would actually applaud your originality, but that's actually the straightest way of playing it.

Want to ignore the "she is my crazy patient... SCORE!" factor? Make it be from her point of view in first person and carry us along the thought process which will make it look like it's a loving relationship. Not that we can trust her, but that would be an original take.

Your move.
>> No. 82256
File 132856784345.png - (208.88KB , 945x945 , 131696804975.png )
I wanted it to be somewhere else than New Orleans, I already thought of that. -_-
>> No. 82257
You're losing focus and beginning to just sling shit around now.

Your idea is boring, droll, and has been done many times before.

My idea is an original, albeit more calm approach to the subject.

Your new idea is basically taking my idea and making it from the perspective of the patient, making it a bit more chaotic.

Both ideas are original, but branch off into two different areas. Don't try and tell me (after you just came up with the most boring and uninteresting 'straight' take on the subject at hand) that my idea is 'straight'

There is no move here. It's me being right and you... I don't even know anymore.
>> No. 82258
Makes sense to me. The only thing I see from you is being obstinant.
>> No. 82260
You being right...

I must be missing something, because there is nothing to be right on. Of course, you can go and say you are right your story is original, but that is determined by your peers, so that can't be the one. Unless of course you believe you determine your own originality... Would be fitting. Fact is, a conflicted doctor in love with his patient is how most of those stories play out (read fanfiction involving doctors? It's a whole world of ER right there) with the doctor being the central character. Go and look for yourself, then tell me what makes your original. Even then, my idea came up from Flowers to Algermon, with it being a series of logs written by her as she recovers, all framed under the current story of the doctors removal of his license for his relationship. But then again, guess conflicted doctor works too.

Maybe that you are right about my first proposal being the "most boring and uninteresting 'straight' take on the subject at hand". This can't be either because we weren't debating if it was, even if considering the whole constraint I spoke of. Shrug. Suppose you can argue with yourself about it and be right. That one is born out of the need to actually capture your reader and get him to the end, but if you don't care that's your business, I know people will read about a doctor trying to deal with his ever worsening wife, particularly if I introduce attempts by the mane six to help.

But don't worry, you ate right. Not a typo.
>> No. 82261
Oh wow. Y'all are so mature. Fighting over an idea. Since when did this thread become a place for "that idea is shit" instead of "here, let me help you with that idea"? Seriously, this is a place to develop ideas. That's why people like y'all piss me off. Because you ruin it for everyone else. There are very few ideas that are so horrid as to immediately reject. The only one that comes to mind is the human centipede crossover a few weeks ago.

Anyway, productivity. I was hoping to get some opinions on some OCs I made for a fic. The general idea is that the fic is dark, gritty, and industrial. Yes, they are foils to each other. Yes, I am probably shipping them.

Kindle -- A unicorn with a pale orange coat and a spiky, bright orange mane tinged with red, it looks as if it is flowing fire. Her attitude is similar to her mane: brash and emotional. She acts often on impulse and without thinking. She is a very social pony and has many friends in town. Her special talent is in the manipulation of heat. She can inject and take away heat from an object. It is most efficient with hot objects but doable to anything. She learns to summon fireballs at some point. Her cutie mark is a flame. She works in the Detrot factories as a smelter and builder. She is classified as poor and dislikes the job. For family she has a father (Iron “Rusty” Ingot [Grey coat, red-orange mane.]), though never sees him and hates him for his alcoholism. She doesn’t know her mother. She has 2 brothers and 2 sisters whom she cares for, but rarely sees due to her work schedule. They are more successful than her due to her dropping out of school to raise them.

Snowflake -- A unicorn with a light blue coat and a flowing, snowy white mane. She is calm, analytical, and bookish. She thinks through her actions, sometimes to the point of doing nothing. She isn’t a very social pony, but has a few select friends. Her special talent is in the manipulation of temperature as well as physical manipulation of water and ice. She can remove or add heat to an object, but isn’t very good at it except at low temperatures. She learns to attack with water and turn it to ice freezing her opponents. Her cutie mark is a snowflake. She owns a bookstore in the nicer area of Detrot and lives above it. She is by no means rich, but she doesn’t have money problems. She has a mother and father in Detrot, though she doesn’t see them in the fic. Her sister, Raincloud, lives nearby in a house. Raincloud is a weather pegasus and doesn’t hang out with Snowflake much (too cool for her).
>> No. 82267
He could be from there, but it's your choice. I find the cajun angle entertaining, ain't my fic though so do you.
>> No. 82271
File 132857167321.gif - (20.18KB , 92x112 , 132533405029.gif )
I might as well do New Orleans since it makes more sense. Now to find myths....
>pic unrelated
>> No. 82272
You're right. That was my bad. I shouldn't have insulted his idea. Sorry anon. Thanks for building around the idea with me.

I'd love to write it, but I just don't have the time. Thanks anyways.
>> No. 82274
What exactly you want us to say?

If they are a good idea? If they need more development? Too cliche? too sue?

For now... they actually sound pretty neat.
>> No. 82275
Mainly I worry about them being flat and uninteresting. It is good to hear that they sound interesting to you though. Thank you.
>> No. 82295
File 132857996100.gif - (3.99MB , 640x480 , hlmv 2012-01-15 22-01-50-28.gif )
I was wondering, what would you guys think about an "Allegory of the Cave" type HiE fic? As in, humans chained to facing a wall by pony guards they can't see, not knowing anything about the world other than the shadows from a fire and the cave wall in front of them. As happens in the original, one breaks free. He/she leaves the cave and comes to the conclusion that their perception of reality was born through ignorance of another reality, but then returns to free the other humans and escape again. Enlightenment and other stuff occurs, and they try to find an understanding of this new world they've never experienced before.

Anyway, may seem a bit farfetched, odd or just not a plausible/good idea, but it keeps coming to mind.
>> No. 82322
File 132858700814.jpg - (75.70KB , 678x938 , 132855318763.jpg )
My Fic: Ver. 0.3

After introducing the main character and some of his past.
It will start as a normal day after school. When he gets home his family has a cake, it is his birthday.
The main character goes to blow out the candles and he decides to make a make a wish at his birthday, he monologues about how it's silly sense he doesn't believe in magic and stuff like that but he's all "Why not? Not like anyone will know. It's just all fun." He simply thinks of Equestria and MLP:FIM in his head as he blows out the candles.

Some time after this he is walking at night he's walking one night down his usual walking route (passing through a graveyard with a large field) but can feel that something strange is in the air. Then he notices some sort of lite fog forming near the path, he walks over wondering what is going on. A small ball of light forms at the centre before quickly expanding out, creating a small runbling explosion that sets off several car alarms. He is knocked off his feet, back/head first into a nearby tombstone his vision goes black for a second and he slowly gets to his feet. The bang has pushed the fog away into a ring like shape and is now slowly fading away. He sees a orange and purple lump laying on the ground. He goes over to inspect it. He puts his hand to the back of his head where a lump has formed and wonders if he is seeing things. He kneels down and notices that the thing is breathing. As you expect he doesn't believe his eyes. After some time he musters the courage to talk with it, he knows that it must be Scootaloo but knows that adressing her by name will just scare her more. Sense it is still very cold out and he knows she wouldn't last long outside. He gently wraps her in his coat, not caring if he gets cold and takes her back home.
Once home he tells her to just make herself at home but to be very quiet, he tells her that his family might not react well to seeing her.
The next morning after feeding her, he asks how she ended up in his world.
It will transition to Scootaloo's point of view before she ended up on Earth.
Her and the CMC were, as usual, are trying to find their cutie marks. They all go to Zecora's, hoping that they can help he and maybe earn their cutie marks in potion making or something. Sense Sweetie Belle is a unicorn they thought she could even try some magic.
Zecora is working on a potion when they show up and says she will help them as soon as she is done. They burst into Zecora's hut but she is nowhere to be found. The CMC look around her hut, they find and old leather bound tomb. They flip to a random page and grab all the herbs, stones, and candles they need. The spell is casted and Scootaloo is sucked into a portal and taken to Earth.
Is it the main characters fault she got trapped on Earth? Or is it the Cutie Mark Crusaders?

After a day the CMC's will come clean to Zecora who will run to get the help of Twilight and the others. They cross over to "save" Scootaloo.

The main character tells Scootaloo that her friends will indeed be looking for her and not to worry, he is kinda sad that he will lose her but quickly puts that idea away. He knows that It's best for her.
Over the cource of many days the main character has to take care of Scootaloo while keeping her a secret from his family. Which is hard when he's moving out and has no choice but to take Scootaloo with him, he hopes that Twilight or whoever comes for her has a locating spell.

The mane 6 do indeed find him and have a long talk with the main character about his world. He begs to be taken with them but Twilight doesn't think that Princess Celestia will approve. This really pains the main character, when he finds out that it will take quite a big to prepare the spell he begins to hatch a plan.

After copying the page out of the book that Twilight braught (without her knowing). After they take Scootaloo with them he puts his plan into action.
After entering Equestria (via dramatic entry) he has to survive and find his way to Ponyville.

When he does make it to Ponyville, after going through total Hell to get there. He heads to Pinkie Pie's to hide, knowing that she will help him and that she will never break a Pinkie Promiss. He's afraid that Twilight will have him sent back so he just hides out until the time is right.
A problem arises when he realizes that Lyra is trying to find him! She found his footprints and knows a human is in Ponyville!

Pinkie Pie will do as Pinkie Pie does and do all kinds of crazy stuff to disguise him in public. The main character will be spending time at the homes of several of the mane 6, having to deal with the different environments. He will introduce himself to Twilight and have her send a letter to Princess Celestia, who the main character is hoping to impress so that he can stay.
He will strugle with the fact that he can't eat meat, study magic, and deal with the fact that Scootaloo treats him almost like a parent.
What will he do with these new found feelings for Rainbow Dash? What about colt friends? Will he be able to find some colt buddies outside of the mane 6?

I plan of making this an ongoing series, with some awesome adventures.

I would love to get feedback. Maybe ideas to add in or change?
>> No. 82324
This sounds like My Little Scoots Dashie, except unlike My Little Dashie, this takes the self-insert angle to a further level by putting him in Equestria.

Sorry, just calling it like I see it.
>> No. 82341
If you think it sounds like My Little Dashie now you should see my fics V. 0.1 form.
I admited it was inspired by My Little Dashie in my earlier posts. Scootaloo will give it a boost in da'www.
I'm very open at this point to more changes.
>> No. 82343
File 132858844681.gif - (2.00MB , 314x210 , uSNRs.gif )
My opinion is that doing anything related to My Little Dashie isn't worth doing at all.
But that's just me.
>> No. 82349
I'd make it less like My Little Dashie and throw it in sort of a loop by maybe doing this:

Scootaloo grows up in part with this guy. But she's still an early teenager-ish pony when the mane six get there. But instead of setting things in stone, they just take Scootaloo and mention that 'goodbye doesn't mean forever'. Noone has their memory erased or anything like that.

So then Scootaloo becomes more or less cool with having a foster human parent in the human world and also living as a pony. She spends some time in each world and sort of becomes emotionally blended. The two of them magically work out that Scootaloo becomes a human woman and he becomes a pony when they crisscross every so often (as a matter of disguise). This has a lot of hilarious consequences, but they try to make it work.

But then ultimately Scootaloo has to decide which world holds her heart the most. The humans with their human technology and her human friends / boyfriend... or the Equestrian counterparts? And the narrator has a similar decision to make.

If I ever did a MLD interpolation, I'd do that.
>> No. 82353
File 132858955386.png - (53.81KB , 282x276 , BlusterBold-(n1297300696251).png )
Scoots turning into a human and back again just doesn't work out for me...
I'd like to see there be a sort of interspecies custody battle. That would be cool ^_^. Sure, you'd be playing off of the "Scootaloo is an orphan" trope, but as long as it's handled well enough, it could work.

Personally, I've been thinking of a story that I've tenatively titled "E.T. the Equestrian Terrestrial". Obviously inspired by Steven Spielberg's classic movie, it would star a human OC and a strange yellow-and-pink equine that fell from the sky in a massive prismatic explosion. Notable features would be that they don't speak the same language and that the pony is treated almost like a pet.
>> No. 82354
I think you idea's cool but it wouldn't work with my story.
The time lines between Equestria and Earth are matched so Twilight and the others would make it to Earth not to long after finding out about Scootaloo.
The second part also wouldn't work sense the main character doesn't want to really expose her to his world out of fear of her inocence being ruined, he is very protective of her.
I have it so they become close on Earth and even closer in Equestria sense Scootaloo has no parents. So he becomes like her unofficial foster parent in a way, she doesn't call him Dad or anything, at leaste not for a reasonable amount of time.
I'm not saying your idea's bad, just doesn't work for me. I will try to move it away from MLD more but there is alot I can't go into detail her, stuff that indeed makes it better.
It won't be writen the same way as MLD, I have a very different style.
>> No. 82355
Yeah, the custody back and fourth would be fun to write as well as read. If I was writing it, then I'd have the inter-species custody thing end in favor of the humans. So then Scoots remains a human and has human kids-- she 'grows up' in the sense of no longer needing Equestria in her life anymore (although it's not like she burns bridges or anything).

So then the mane six can suck it.
>> No. 82357
I'm glad we're on the same page.
I don't want to do the whole human turns into a pony/pony turns into a human thing.
I will have it come up and the main character declines.
I get the feeling that human to pony/pony to human is rather common now. Maybe even cliche. Not sure, haven't read allot of FIM Fics.

Having Scootaloo's real parents show up and cause drama sounds interesting though. Hmmmm.
>> No. 82359
File 132859057304.png - (263.71KB , 1040x1026 , 132772591964.png )
Did MLD have awesome adventures with pirates and skeleton armies, or a magic wielding human?
I also want to add in romance and maybe some darker stuff. Even some little mysteries.

Look this filly in the eye and tell (type) me that isn't awesome.
>> No. 82361
Yeah, seems about standard for longfics. Buuuuut, due to my natural bias you lost me at "human." My advice is to not try and shove so much into it that it gets overloaded.
>> No. 82362
Hmmmm... Well, I don't think I can really help you since we're off on completely different wavelengths. I wish you luck, all the same!

It does irk me how there are so many HiE fics that follow the standard: 'humans are c**ts' -> 'ponies are innocent' -> 'I wanna be a pony' -> 'Yay, I'm a pony' -> 'Twilight is cute' -> 'Magic is fun' -> The End.

Yes this is hypocritical coming from me, but still it all just sounds so... blah. And when I say, blah, I mean "eating white bread on white potatoes with butter while drinking white milk and staring at the white picket fence besides your white house while listening to Donny Osmond" blah
>> No. 82364
For the record some humans are c**ts. The main character is kinda a c**t himself. He is kinda misanthropic but he has his reasons. There are good humans, as well as bad ponies.
Remember, the main character does not want to be a pony. Or in his case, a unicorn.
>> No. 82564
File 132866927355.png - (1.91MB , 1000x1500 , Those magnificent (or was it \'magnifcient\'?) men in their flying machines.png )
I say, I was sitting on my favourite divan a day or two ago, eating Instant Thai Noodles (yum), and thought back to the old days, about the movies that impressed me most as a little child.

Ultimately, after quite a stack of thoughts, my searchlight of focus wandered over to a very special of favourite movies. The ingenious, 1965 multiple-hour Anglo-American comedy flick "Those Magnificent Men In their Flying Machines, Or how I flew from London to Paris in 25 Hours, 11 Minutes".

I figured: I have mock exams coming approaching like an TGV without brakes, am in dire need of some complex biology revision, and my sister is dating a kid I swear I will have to beat up sooner or later.
You know what I would need to do now, instead of sitting here and wasting my time?
Why, re-watch the movie, of course!
The crashes, the characters, the setting, the pre-pre-war nostalgia.... I just had to watch it again (on good old VCR, but what'cha gonna do?).

Then, as I sat back on my favourite divan, and tried to memorise the Title Song. Man, what an earworm! It's one of those movies that really give you a feeling for the time period it is set in. A positive, warm and embracing feeling. It's a movie that feels pleasant, even though it has shenanigans of the proportions of "It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World". And that is saying a lot.

Of course, being the naive idiot that I am, I never failed to be reminded of "Those Magnificent Men In their Flying Machines, Or how I flew from London to Paris in 25 Hours, 11 Minutes" in some way or another, regardless of what I was doing in the next few days. Like when watching FIM.

Then I figured some more: Both these universes contain an absurd amount of flying, an absurd amount of flying aces, constant competition, colourful... ehm... individuals, constant competitions, boisterous boasters, 'loose' females, and lots and lots of idiots.

How about a Crossover?

You know, going from "Britannia Rules The Waves But Not The Skies" to "Britannia Rules The Waves But Not The Skies; Them Bloody Pegasi Do!"

So, humanity does what they had been preparing for since the very beginning; fly! Rub it in those Ponies' faces for once!

So why not find a wealthy British media tycoon to propose to Princess Celestia to organise a proper air race; the best of humanity vs the best of equines. Lots of hilarity ensues. It'll be like the actual film... in Equestria!

However, here's the cake: As good as this movie is, I am not sure how many other people actually know it. Writing a crossover would be pointless if nopony actually knows what the movie is about.
If you don't, the you better check it out; after all, Terry-Thomas (the antagonist) practically created the Dick Dastardly archetype.
Oh, and Benny Hill plays a Fire Brigadier. Did you know that?

What do you say, dear reader? Should I give it a try? How about "Those Magnificent Mares And Them Flying Machines"?
>> No. 82569
File 132866990938.png - (422.09KB , 1167x806 , idea.png )
This has a lot of potential, IMO.

Pinkie Pie could be the loopy aeronautical engineer who pilots her aeroplane backwards ("and one...is on her way to Stalliongrad?"). The Flim Flam brothers could be charming on the outside but secretly saboteurs. Not quite as nasty and douchebaggy as Sir Percey, but corrupt nonetheless.

There is much room for world-building in regard to the amalgam of technology/magic in ponyworld, through the design of the engines. Furthermore, since it represents a departure from traditional flight travel by pegasus chariot, you might be able to add some drama with pegasus dissidents who think Celestia is being too generous in assisting/endorsing the growth of technology that will one day wrest their monopoly on flight.

Just be cautious you don't reproduce the hyperbolic stereotyping of the film to such an extent that it becomes obvious (or offensive). A flank-slapping, mare-izing Pierre Dubois pony and/or a wealthy Emilio Ponticelli pony with dozens of foals and a worrisome wife would be highly amusing, though.
>> No. 82600
File 132867377056.png - (1.36MB , 1000x1200 , 132861765249.png )

I think it would be better and more feasible as an all-pony story than a story involving a race between humans and ponies. That way you don't have to come up with a means to transport between universes. Plus, non-humans and machinery are hilarious together.
>> No. 82645
Well, actually this was kind of the joke of the whole thing. It would be the story of the two universes colliding, and how TMMitFM would play out if this actually were the case. Some characters would remain humans, and others would be replaced by ponies.

I just though that all these things from the movie concerning the international rivalries (Germany and France, etc) could be expanded/replicated for the Ponyverse, too.
>> No. 82651
File 132868811721.jpg - (232.09KB , 800x600 , porcorosso.jpg )
> international rivalries
Oh, very much so! But still, I'm having mixed feelings about including the actual human characters of the film in the story.

Like you said, colorful "individuals". Putting so many disparate cultures together in one place with each of them misunderstanding each other and getting on each other's nerves is decent comedic material. I for one want to see more ponies from... whatever it is called, the place in ponyworld where Photo Finish comes from. Even better would be if the team of engineers working for the sex-crazed colt from a neighboring country trolled said ponies with their phonograph while they were trying to concentrate on something.

Come to think of it, however, I recommend you not limit yourself to the source material, or the elements of its story, and don't try to replicate events. Consider Fallout: Equestria. It's considered a crossover, but has none of the characters from the Fallout game series, and no humans - just ponies, and creatures that appeared in the canonical universe. It is hailed as a great fanfic because it has interesting characters, is well-paced and a number of other reasons - not because it included characters or plot elements of Fallout.

If you'll pardon the expression, the sky is the limit. You could have upper-crust parties where the stuffy aristocratic spectators from Canterlot meet the flight engineers, slapstick (i.e. ponies not paying attention and getting hit by the wing of a taxiing plane), and MacGuyver-esque shenanigans that avert disaster.
>> No. 82666
Then again, to be fair, there are fics like "Creeping Darkness".

Of course the whole story is, being based on "Alan Wake", very tongue-in-cheek constantly self-aware.

Yet, there are original characters, FIM characters and completely new characters.

Quite a good job. It did not merely relate to the original "Alan Wake" or try to replicate it (as you said, it's not exactly a smart thing to do).

Instead, he expands the universe, not only by merely attaching Equestria to the source material.
And he did a great job, if I am the right one to judge so.

I know, it's not exactly comparable to something like TMMitFM, but still.
>> No. 82697
File 132872149159.png - (383.20KB , 800x460 , 800px-Tea_with_Titans.png )
So I was bored and watching Futurama, so I decided to do a Futurama crossover. Different eh?

So this is called Tea with Titans, it's hosted by Morbo the Annihilator. It is a chat type premise mainly focused on comedy, it's very short but this is just a test, I want opinions, do you think this style of fic is acceptable? let alone interesting? Because I would love to do more of them.


Let me know what you guys think, THIS ISN'T ME FISHING FOR REVIEWS. I just want to get opinions on this style of writing.
>> No. 82704
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>> No. 82840

I'm called DUMB Fabric for a reason, it's open now.
>> No. 82858
So, based solely on the synopsis provided, would either of these ideas be interesting enough to make you want to give them a read?

#1 - He went to bed with a kiss from his mother and a hug from his father. He woke up all alone. The towns still stand and the sun and moon still rise and set, but there are no ponies anywhere to be found. Ahead of him, a long road stretches onward that must be traveled if he is to learn what happened. He must grow and make friends if he is to survive. Maybe his family and friends are at the end of the road. Or maybe the answer lies in the journey itself.

#2 - Beyond the pastel borders of Equestria, there exist frightful dangers constantly seeking to disrupt the harmony that ponies often take for granted. Supporting the curtain of peace that separates the two are the stallions and mares of the Equestrian Armed Forces. Be they a scout in the Air Corps, an officer in the Royal Navy, or a solider in the Guard, each of them have taken an oath: they are Equestria’s sword and shield. For their homes, and for each other, they will stand till the very end. Even if that which they swore to protect becomes that which must be destroyed in order to secure lasting peace.
>> No. 82946
Both are viable and fine. I'm more partial to the first story, but either/or whatever you want to do.
>> No. 83723
I have an idea for a minecraft crossover, just want to hear others opinions of it:

Six human minecrafters land in Equestria (all of which are popular youtubers), they deal with troubles beyond their control, learn to live in Equestria. Bonding ensues after a long sequence of racism, blunt lies, and hatred.

Herobrine was manipulating the entire place to hate them the entire time, but when the final element accepts the humans, Herobrine decides that the direct method is the easiest, and takes over Canterlot. The mane six go to Canterlot with their corresponding human, grab the elements, get trapped in a maze, fight out, get trapped in stone, have their human counterparts free them, and to hit him with the elements of harmony.

But the elements fail, and the mane six are sent to other random youtubers worlds, while the six humans are sent back to their own worlds.

Notch meets the humans, tells them about his sending them there to learn about it, and how they must find the mane 6 and train them.

The mane 6 and the humans go back to Equestria after being reunited, and try to battle the (lethally genre suave) Herobrine, succeed, and restore peace to Equestria.

What do you think?
>> No. 83725
I think I will list the youtubers that will land in equestria.
Oh, and also, when they return to equestria, they are ponified.

Gamechap and Bertie
and Zekkyou.
>> No. 83733
File 132909465821.png - (33.24KB , 159x200 , photo-530.png )
Hi Waplon! It looks like your story idea hasn't received much feedback. I feel bad when people who considerately post their ideas in storyforge never get any feedback. So, I'll take a swing at it.

I think that Sweetie Belle's reluctance to accept the audition early in the story needs more justification. I mean, if she came of age and realized her talent was singing, I think she'd be more confident in her ability as a singer than she was in the episodes, when she was oblivious to it.

Furthermore, be careful with murder. It needs a very, very compelling motive to actually seem plausible. Ask yourself this: is jealousy strong enough? Why would Sweetie Belle's rival risk getting herself in trouble with the law yet again just to remove a competitor in the music business? I recommend you watch some episodes of Monk, and carefully observe some of the convoluted and sophisticated motives for murder that can crop up. That show has excellent writing when it comes to developing a motive for murder. Now, some of them may be just money, but as Monk would say, here's the thing: it's for money that the perpetrators know they will obtain by killing their victims. In the case of your story idea, Sweetie Belle's rival can be only vaguely certain that by killing her she'll be successful again. Thus, you need to establish a stronger motive somehow.

Something else: "Sweetie Belle" and "grimdark" reminded me of "Like Me" >>68277 - which has a rather unique execution/style for fanfiction. That might be interesting for you to check out.
>> No. 83735
I have an idea. Bring up... Donny Osmond.

Background: Saddled with his 'teen idol' persona, Donny's career tanked in the end of the 70s. He spend most of the 80s in flux, not really managing to parley his bubblegum pop style into the more mainstream Wham! / Erasure / Human League / Roxette dance-pop / adult contemporary territory that was burning up the charts. Still, he tried for that look and sound.

He decides to do something different. He reaches out to old R&B impresarios Carl Sturken and Evan Rogers to create a comeback single for a new dance-poppy persona. But the 'Donny Osmond' name was poison. Good luck getting played in underground dance clubs! So, in 1988, Donny decides to go undercover as a kind of 'Mystery Artist'.

He and his associates go to various new wave dance clubs with this punchy tune called "Soldier of Love" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXs0r47STuY) It went on hop from club to club and finally reached #2 on the Billboard Hot 100. At this point, with massive speculation building as to who is this 'Mystery Artist'-- Donny reveals himself. His career is saved. Michael Bay made his directorial debut making the popular music video. Donny makes his transition to his 90s new wave sound.

Anyways, this would work perfectly for the Sweetie Belle story-- just put her in Donny's place. The rival co-incidentally finds out that Belle is the mystery artist behind the new hit, and the rival decides to take her out. She can then reveal herself as the mystery artist, and few people would be the wiser.

Just throwing that out there.
>> No. 83736
Two things: First, minecraft crossovers are a pretty common thing, I think. So, you're treading on an already well worn path.

Second, the plot seems rather overly complicated-- at least at first.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't write it, but maybe you should streamline it.
>> No. 83742
a fic where it starts out that rarity is “Black Diamond” (Nightmare Rarity) but she has no recollective memory of her life before corruption. Spike is her king and they live in a world of darkness and greed. Throughout the fic, Rarity begins to find objects from her past that begin to have her question everything. Bunch of shit happens.

Nightmare Spike constantly blocks her from specific rooms which she eventually gets into which have treasures from their past (like letters to the princess etc. small things).

Near the end she finds the fire ruby given to her in Secret of My Excess and begins to realize that everything in the treasure pile behind them is stuff from their previous life (like the elements are thrown in there).

It ends with her realizing this and the elements activate, casting out the nightmare. The thing is, the nightmare came from Spike who had fallen into grief after the other main 5 characters died of old age. Realizing that his love would inevitably be next, he fell into a great depression allowing the nightmare to overtake him to give Rarity immortality.

As the nightmare washes away, we have Rarity dying of old age before regular Spike, telling him she will always be with him and that he doesn't need the nightmare for that. The end.
>> No. 83745
Something about having both Nightmare Spike and Nightmare Rarity in the same story doesn't quite work to me. Maybe have Spike be Spike, but older? Rarity acts all the role of the dark, evil princess and Spike just serves as her love-slave. He's always tempering her instincts and trying to get her to be nice to other ponies.

Then, it's more shocking when you have the big reveal that Spike is the aggressor. He let these feelings infect him, and then he accidentally sicked them onto Rarity. He's paralyzed with guilt at what she's become, but since he's still totally in love with her-- he wants things to stay the same.
>> No. 83746
File 132909920285.png - (307.74KB , 600x600 , Spike Rarity 3.png )
This... you, my friend, are a light in the black.

I love that suggestion. Genius. Thank you. This is what this thread is about.
>> No. 83750
Ah, mr. Cottonmouth, pleasure to see you spread out your wings.

Hopefully we will meet soon enough.
>> No. 83810
File 132912103159.jpg - (194.33KB , 1286x1024 , Totoro_Yawn.jpg )
I had a small plot bunny in response to my own query (>>83763):

One day, Totoro jumps into his pond to bathe, but little did he know a mischievous spirit had taken residence in it. The spirit turns the pond into a whirlpool, and in attempt to counter the spirit's force, he unwillingly turns the pond into a swirling vortex that pulls him into Equestria, where he emerges in one of the lakes near Whitetail Wood. He builds himself a new home in the forest there and tries to make new friends there, but he's invisible to the adult ponies. The foals, on the other hand, can see him, and they make friends with him. Meanwhile, the adult ponies of the Ponyville initially think that it's a childish story or in-joke the kids made up.

However, one day, Snips and Snails (who have nearly come of age and can't see him) challenge Pipsqueak to prove his existence to them, or concede that Totoro is just little-kid imagination. He leads them out into the forest, but can't find them. He takes them further, to a pool up a mountain where Totoro likes to fish. However, Pip falls down and gets caught in a fissure. Snips and Snails run off to get help. While he's stuck there alone, Totoro shows up, rescues him, and takes him home while a search party goes out looking for him. The search party assumes him dead initially.

Pipsqueak's parents find out he made it home. He claims it was Totoro who saved him. However, Pipsqueak still has bruises and cuts from the fall -- evidence that Snips and Snails were telling the truth. His parents and the rest of Ponyville then begins to fear that Totoro is some kind of pedophile spirit, and fear of the unknown clouds their judgment of him.

Could end one of two ways that I can think of:
One, the foals of Ponyville begin a quest or to find a way to reveal and reconcile Totoro to the adults. The other is that it could end there, and be a little bit bittersweet. I have no idea how the foals go about revealing Totoro and whether they would succeed. In the latter ending, Totoro remains a kindred spirit to the foals, saving their lives and taking them home if they ever get lost in Whitetail Wood (whereas the Everfree Forest base is covered by Zecora) but remaining a secret that remains hidden from the adults.
>> No. 83814
File 132912146104.jpg - (125.03KB , 720x720 , Jackal Queenston 5.jpg )
hey... can i share my overly-complex fic idea here?
>> No. 83815
That's what the thread is for.
>> No. 83816
File 132912162962.jpg - (85.20KB , 1032x774 , Renard 24.jpg )
this guy again?

forget it
>> No. 83818
You don't want to share your idea because of one person in the thread? He may be an ass, but reacting like this isn't going to help anything.
>> No. 83819
File 132912223632.jpg - (486.52KB , 600x600 , Klippa 5.jpg )
im already not happy that he may have read the small half-chapter i linked elsewhere

last thing i need is him criticizing my entire story concept
>> No. 83821
>last thing i need is him criticizing my entire story concept
If you don't want criticism, what are you doing here?
>> No. 83822
File 132912252249.png - (2.12MB , 1920x1080 , 131050789746.png )
Wow, seriously?
The one time I outright point someone in the right direction, then follow them to allay their doubts, and they get pissy.

For your information, I barely glanced twice at your link, never mind click on it. I could tell just from how poorly constructed your OP was that it wouldn't end well for either parties involved. If you want help, this is the place. Otherwise, feel free to see yourself out. No one's keeping you here.
>> No. 83823
File 132912255482.png - (317.73KB , 1024x768 , RafikiSimba.png )
If this is a thread for what you want, it's best to use it. Not using valuable resources because you don't like someone there is more detrimental than a review you're not comfortable with. You're going to get negative feedback, that's what reviewing is for. I'd say just present your idea and only look at the points behind the criticism, not the tone itself.
>> No. 83824
File 132912258304.jpg - (103.67KB , 500x553 , Mischief 1.jpg )
hmm... good point i suppose

ok, ill post it
>> No. 83825
File 132912274457.jpg - (66.86KB , 800x800 , Klippa 10.jpg )

i retract my previous statements, see: >>83824
and as a final point, i obviously dont type like this in my actually writing
>> No. 83826
>actual writing

>> No. 83827
That sounds great, but I don't see why there could be some sort of a happy ending.

My understanding of Totoro is that he can indeed physically manipulate stuff. He's just not seeable by those not in the right mindset i.e. adults. So then there could be this big disaster type situation and then it miraculously is solved. The foals say its Totoro who solved it and they get believed.

My first through is that that situation would be a foal being trapped in some magically enchanted high up place that can't be reached by pegasii. (which a big, long backstory of course) To the adults, the foal appears to just teleport back to safety on the ground.

Or it's something else... I don't know.
>> No. 83830
In 4chan, feel free to be as uncultured as you want. Here in /fic/, however, we tend to hold things to a higher standard. In stories, the first impression can just as easily be the last, and your post is usually your first impression. It would be in your best interests to at least make an effort to be mechanically correct in your messages.
>> No. 83831
>> No. 83832
Just post it, whatever the hell it is.

This is place for people to obsess over their imaginary pony girlfriends / friends and have lots of fun doing it.

It's not like whatever would happen would in any way, shape, or form actually matter in your life to you or anyone else.
>> No. 83834
It has been 100 years since the events of FiM. In that time Celetia has sought to establish ponykind's dominance over all else. After a century of wars in the name of aggressive expansionism, the once peaceful land of Equestria has swollen into the massive and wealthy Equestrian Empire. Celestia used this newfound wealth to fund scientific advancement and social reconstruction. The culmination of this is a strict set of social castes called The System. Under The System, all of the Empire's population falls into one of three classes. The Superiors are the wealthy ruling class who control the entirety of Equestria's power. They are served by the Inferior class: mass produced clones that have been genetically designed by large biotech corporations. Lastly, the Outsiders live in desolate squalor on the outer limits of Equestria's metropolises. Considered illegal citizens, the Outsiders are trapped between the prejudice of the Superiors within the cities and the inhospitable world outside them.

Carbon Black #80 is an Inferior born with a unique and dangerous quality: curiosity. After an event called the Populace Indecent (which was covered up by the government), CB80 is branded a fugitive. She manages to escape her home of Canterlot and finds herself lost in the Everfree Forest. Eventually, she happens upon the ruins of Ponyville and takes refuge in Twilight's Library. There she learns about the M6 and life before the implementation of the system.
>> No. 83836
CB80 realizes that she has lived a shallow life devoid of true friends or family. She vows to seek revenge on the head of Populace (the company who created her) and adopts the name Daybreak as a sign of her resolve. However, she botches the assassination attempt and further increases her criminal notoriety. During her escape she runs into a mysterious white unicorn working for Populace. For some reason he seems strangely familiar. Daybreak convinces/forces him to escape with her, after which she realized that he bears an uncanny resemblance to Rarity. She realizes that if Rarity's bloodline has survived the 100 years, perhaps it is possible to find the other descendants of the M6. The two set out across Canterlot to locate the others in the hopes that they can bear the Elements of Harmony and undo the harm that The System and the Empire has caused.
>> No. 83837
I've started writing a fanfic that has battles that occur on a mental landscape, or Mindscape. I, unfortunately, cannot think of how I would go about really creating the different Mindscapes. Each one has a theme, such as: The first one is centered around 3d geometric objects.

Could anyone help me build Mindscape worlds? I'm really stuck in this regard.
>> No. 83841
File 132912653704.jpg - (21.91KB , 288x288 , 132885522174.jpg )
>>83834 >>83836
Just take heed: Despot-lestia is terribly cliché. It would probably be well-received (provided it were well-executed to begin with) if, perhaps, Celestia were replaced by some other kind of ruler. I mean, Celestia didn't always rule the planet, right? The three tribes founded Equestria before having one ruler over all three of them, so it's not infeasible for there to be a story where Celestia either bows out or gets overthrown politically somehow. So, don't constrain yourself to making Celestia the fulcrum of that quasi-Orwellian technocracy.
>> No. 83842
err... semi spoilers there

she maaay be a puppet of sorts
>> No. 83843
also: George Orwell all up in dis bish

and now i hav to go to bed
>> No. 83846
Incidentally, no other citizens would know that Snips/Snails/Pipsqueak were out there on their own, so it doesn't necessarily have to be out of reach to pegasi - just that no pegasi would know to look there or would notice them there.

And...Did any adults see Mei when she was riding in Catbus? She sorta did "teleport" when catbus brought her home, and it can be interpreted as the adults having limited or selective attention or somesuch thing.
>> No. 83850
File 132912847731.png - (636.47KB , 700x600 , FIAB 16.png )
sorry, cant sleep, therefore further explanation

there are alot of aspects/nuances that i didnt get into im that description
Celestia's continuing place as the figurehead of Equestria is pretty central to a subplot involving what happened in he 100 years and the fates of the M6
>> No. 83852
File 132912953516.jpg - (13.22KB , 251x239 , tumblr_luvm44WbKw1qewb3u.jpg )
>> No. 83871
Psychonauts did it really well. Have each mindscape reflect the personality of the mind. This allows you to flesh out the character with exposition while detailing the mindscape.
>> No. 83876
Speaking of different areas inside the mind, the Silent Hill series also did this in a great way.

You can look at Silent Hill 2 as a typical example: The three main characters each have their own tortured past and thus their minds are skewed in particular ways.
>> No. 83947
File 132917540496.png - (15.07KB , 201x113 , concerned.png )
So apparently in canon Appleloosa has only been around for a year. But for the story I'm writing it takes place around the time the mane 6 were fillies. Should I just bend the rules a little?
>> No. 83952
Just make it a dusty little trading post before the train made a stop there. That is, unless it absolutely, positively HAS to be a bustling frontier town, in which case, you should change the setting.
>> No. 83954
Alternatively, there is no law saying that there can only be one frontier town.

No idea what the name would be though.
>> No. 83956
That's what I suggested >_>.
>> No. 83961
Oh, when you said change in setting, I thought like, "screw the frontier setting, make it cyberpunk" or something.
>> No. 83970
Hmm did that town from last roundup ever have a name? (guess I'll just replace Braeburn with an OC it wasn't too important)
>> No. 83998
Dodge Junction. A setup for "get out of Dodge!"
>> No. 83999
Despot-lestia is terribly cliché, yes.

However, I'd love to read a portrait of her as a sympathetic despot who pursues scientific advancement and foreign expansion for noble goals. She wants a perfectly ordered, utopian society without suffering in which every pony is fairly rewarded for his or her ability. Deep down, her obsession with biological and medical science would come from one thing-- her hatred of the fact that she's buried so many mortal friends and colleagues, as an immortal being herself. She then ends up being led down a path she didn't really want.

Celestia as Hitler doesn't work for me, but what about Celestia as Albert Speer?
>> No. 84008

I agree with this. Having Celestia make such a radical change from "happy, kind leader" to "evil dictator and ruler", even over the course of 100 years, seems very out of character, and even then, overplayed.

Another way you can get to the same goal is to tell the story of how as other lands besides Equestria grew (both in size and technological advancement) and rose up, ready for war, Celestia attempted to keep Equestria out of it, but in the end, war and Equestria's turn into the Equestria Empire was inevitable. It gives Celestia a dual feeling of both being a tyrant, yet being very sympathetic at the same time.

On a completely unrelated note (not even sure if this is the right thread to ask in, but I can't find another one), anyone good at names? I need a pony-esque name for a stallion who is in charge of several schools around Ponyville, like a Superintendant. The only name I can come up with is Mr. Headmaster, but that one just isn't clicking for me...
>> No. 84027
File 132920507877.png - (517.97KB , 751x903 , Darknut_(Twilight_Princess).png )
I've got a few strange ideas that I'm unwilling/unable to write myself. I did try, mind you, but I've quickly learned that I'm no writer, mainly since it just doesn't make me happy. However, despite my inability to write a story, I've constantly got tons of ideas swimming around in my head. Kinda ironic, assuming I'm not interpreting irony wrong.

Anyway, onto the ideas (note, they all involve humans in some way, and for some reason that's the only sort of story idea I like):

1) Humanity is gone after an ancient nuclear war. (Insert explanation for current world status and the creation of ponies here.) However, sentient machines survived deep underground/wherever, and have been reawakened/released somehow. Now, they roam Equestria and the surrounding lands, destroying everything in their path to find surviving humans/information on where they went/a new power source/whatever the author wants.

2) Humanity is gone like in the above scenario. However, humans aren't extinct. They've been cryogenically/magically/whatever-ly frozen, hidden away from prying eyes until the world was inhabitable once again. They begin to return due to being awakened/waking up on their own through technology/etc.

3) Humanity is alive and well, but not as advanced as "modern" humans were. Probably using magic and medieval technology, like you'd see in many fantasy settings. Maybe they have a little bit of schizo-tech like ponies do (vacuums, trains, complex gear-based devices, etc.). They might also have a legendary reputation among ponies, perhaps as heroes, monsters, or even Eldritch abominations.

If you want any more from me or any extra details I might have, let me know.

>And yes, I'm using a Zelda-related picture. It gets the "medieval knight" idea across at least.
>> No. 84034
File 132921125913.jpg - (20.68KB , 300x299 , R+S_crossover_MrFlutterHorse.jpg )
Ah, Dr. Robotnik. I remember responding to your ideas on /pony/ back when I posted exclusively as Anonymous.

I think your ideas need the following things: [1] one or more protagonists; [2] a conflict / resolution; [3] a plot (which, though mostly taken care of by the first two, isn't limited to them). Without these traditional yet vital pieces, a story is, well, not much of a story, but more like The Phantom Menace;
(part 1 of that amazing review has all the most relevant and educational stuff in it)

I give you Kurt's 8 rules:
1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things — reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. Now matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them — in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
>> No. 84046
actually yeah yeah I'll just go with that idea I'm sure crazier things have been said fics
>> No. 84096
Combine all three ideas! It reminds me a little of golden age science fiction.

It would a fantastic slow, dramatic story if you had one of these machines programmed to serve and care for humanity wake up in Equestria in some accident. The ponies then discover others. They try to accommodate the machines, but they've found that the machines really feel what should be called love for their former human friends. The ponies agree to help the machines in their quest to find these 'humans'.

Once it is discovered that humans are extinct, a good portion of the machines could just go mad and start slaughtering the ponies-- blaming them for putting them in this horrible position. A few of the machines just roam around as wanderering sages in John the Baptist style. Others try to integrate themselves into pony society. A very small, but determined few decide not to give up hope and search around to see if maybe one or two humans survived somewhere-- near the poles, in islands, underground, etc.

So a certain adventurous and intelligent pony (Twilight? Dashie?) goes off with two or so machines to search Equestria. Their team discovers, say, some humans cryogenically frozen in something like an underground base. They then hear rumors that a tribe survived but devolved into animal-ish state somewhere in a Sir Arthur Conan Doyle style 'lost world'. The team must deal with both Equestrian pony forces as well as the homicidal machines, doing their search during a global war.
>> No. 84098
dude make it
>> No. 84123
Quick question, does the castle in Canterlot have an official name?

I'm writing a fic and while the name isn't really important to the plot, I feel like naming it "Equinox Castle". I can't find any official name for it but I figured better safe than sorry.
>> No. 84124
Everyone just calls it the Canterlot Castle. The abandoned one in the Everfree goes by several names in fanon, but there isn't an official name for it either.
In essence, go nuts.
>> No. 84125
File 132925654502.png - (73.24KB , 581x581 , 581px-Lyrashrug.png )

Canterlot Castle.

Or did you mean the ruins in the Everfree forest? Those don't have a name as far as I know. But the Canterlot one is always just "Canterlot Castle."
>> No. 84129

>go nuts
I will.

I've always found the name "Canterlot Castle" to be a bit boring.
>> No. 84130
File 132925726461.png - (248.21KB , 600x600 , S02E15_Mjolna_in_crowd.png )
I have this fic idea and will just leave it hear, because I have no time to write this.

Friendship is Metal /Battle of the Bands. (working title.)

Golden Mane (background pony with Mjolnir as a cutie mark.) has the dream to found the greatest metal band of all time. The upcoming Battle of The Bands in Ponyville (or Canterlot) gives her the reason to found the band she has longed for. She plays guitar, so she searches for other potential members. That could be anypony really. I think Octavia would work. (anyone who knows Apocalyptica knows you can play awesome metal on a cello!) At this point she should meet an old rival of her, who is too forming a band to compete in the battle. Build them up as the antagonist, let them play a very different style of Rock/Metal.
They finally have everything together expect for a vocalist. That's when Golden Mane sees Luna on Nightmare Night (or any other occasion you can think of) and witnesses the amazing power of her Royal Canterlot voice. (She does not need a microphone, her voice is fucking powerful!) From that moment she just knows, that she needs Luna for her band. But that of course is an almost impossible goal and despite their best efforts, Luna refuses.

So they have to attend the Battle of the Bands with Golden Mane playing Guitar and doing the Vocals. (have the antagonist’s band play on an stage opposite to theirs and have a real musical battle) But they are doing badly and are just about to get annihilated, when finally Luna descents from the night-sky and joins Golden Mane's band. With that power they smash the opposition and win the contest.

The story could be filled with rock/metal cliches and shenanigans. They could have short musical battles whenever the opportunity arises, maybe Golden Mane has to defeat every other band member before they join, loosing at first, but then turning her metal up to eleven she wins them for the band.

So what do you guys think?
>> No. 84162
great ideas
thanks bros!!
>> No. 84182
File 132927232370.jpg - (66.86KB , 800x800 , Klippa 10.jpg )
Actually... now that change conflicts with other ideas I had... crap!
Must. Think. Of workaround!
>> No. 84221
Okay, how's this for an idea?

The mane 6 failed to defeat Nightmare Moon, and fled the Everfree forest and went into hiding in the mountain from Dragonshy to avoid Nightmare Moon's evil, which would have been unoccupied at that time. Nightmare Moon takes over Equestria, but she starts having flashbacks of how Equestria used to be before the sun disappeared: Flourishing, beautiful, stunning.
Eventually, this angers Nightmare Moon, causing her to draw the moon closer to Equestria, flooding it. The rest of the story would be about Pinkie Pie mostly, longing to go to the Grand Galloping Gala, but one night (dur, it's always night) Nightmare Moon's navy "forcibly" recruit the mane 6 onto their ship, the S.S. Lunar Sky.
Pinkie Pie organizes a mutiny, and the mane six and some of the crew take over the ship, becoming technical pirates. They eventually find a Canterlot overgrown with moss, spared by the flood since it was so high up in the mountain. Docking, they fight their way through NMM's forces to reach her. I want to do a scene where pinkie comes across the ballroom in the palace, where there was a party similar to the Grand Galloping Gala happening, only celebrating Celestia's defeat, and have it crush her. I planned on Pinkie Pie's hair permanently deflating after the flood, like in Party of One. It would be grimdark in the idea that ponies die, lots of ponies die a horrible death by drowning, on an apocalyptic scale, but I think it'd be more of an adventure for most of the story.
>> No. 84222
Inspired by The Windwaker, "She's a Pony", and various other things.
>> No. 84237
Well... I feel like dissecting something at the moment. Said dissections are from a purely personal point of view as a skeptical reader, assuming that you want this idea to be read (and not written for your own enjoyment, which is a much better cause). It's not you, it's me.

>The mane 6 failed to defeat Nightmare Moon
Idea's been done before, meaning, it will take some gripping hook/writing in the first page to keep your readers going on. Going on such an AU assumption is risky because few people enjoy the idea of Mane 6 < NMM, not to mention you're saying Elements of Harmony and Friendship < NMM (a pathetic villain compared to Discord who fell to the Ele.s). You need to do some serious, quick justifying to dance your way outta this.

>fled the Everfree forest an went into hiding in the mountain from Dragonshy to avoid Nightmare Moon's evil, which would have been unoccupied at that time.
Running into the Everfree is a rather stupid thing to do, considering the various dangers in it. Fluttershy would be scared stiff, AJ and RD would be wary of such an idea, and Twi isn't the sort that would run headlong into a forest of vicious creatures.

My memory is hazy, but don't dragons dwell in their caves for a really long time? Something like "the larger their hoard, the longer they've lived in the cave"; given that the dragon in Dragonshy could've bought half of Canterlot with his gold, I seriously doubt that the cave would've been unoccupied so conveniently.

>Nightmare Moon takes over Equestria, but she starts having flashbacks of how Equestria used to be before the sun disappeared: Flourishing, beautiful, stunning. Eventually, this angers Nightmare Moon, causing her to draw the moon closer to Equestria, flooding it.
Problem: where is Celestia? Unless their alignment to their controlled planets is a unique thaumic link etc., as of compared to the simpler movement magic, Celly should be more than capable of resisting this movement of the moon.

>The rest of the story would be about Pinkie Pie mostly, longing to go to the Grand Galloping Gala, but one night (dur, it's always night) Nightmare Moon's navy "forcibly" recruit the mane 6 onto their ship, the S.S. Lunar Sky.
Hold on. The scope of your setting is landlocked. Where on earth does the ship come from and how does it manage to find the Mane 6 when they're hiding in a cave on a mountain?

>Pinkie Pie organizes a mutiny, and the mane six and some of the crew take over the ship, becoming technical pirates. They eventually find a Canterlot overgrown with moss, spared by the flood since it was so high up in the mountain. Docking, they fight their way through NMM's forces to reach her. I want to do a scene where pinkie comes across the ballroom in the palace, where there was a party similar to the Grand Galloping Gala happening, only celebrating Celestia's defeat, and have it crush her. I planned on Pinkie Pie's hair permanently deflating after the flood, like in Party of One. It would be grimdark in the idea that ponies die, lots of ponies die a horrible death by drowning, on an apocalyptic scale, but I think it'd be more of an adventure for most of the story.
I suspect that this final scene is the seed for the idea - Pinkie getting crushed by the party. Bascially, you want to "tragically" alter Pinkie's personality with a shock event that's conveniently timed with the Mane 6's attack? Ehh... so what's the point of the story, really?
>> No. 84244
I mostly agree with everything except for the first part. I think a Nightmare Moon victory works fine for a reader provided that there's some interesting characterization there. Think up a real compelling, serious reason why the elements of harmony just so happened to fail.
>> No. 84256
I'd be very interested to see a fanfic in which the princessess and the elements of harmony are being worshipped in a church. Both princessess are essentially goddessess and the mane six wield the most powerful magic in the world and have defeated two deity tier big bads so that wouldn't be too far fetched that some ponies would worship the princessess like the deities they are and having the mane six as living saints. I can see that Rainbow Dash would love that amount of praise (at first) and Luna actually liking the positive attention before it gets awkward for them. The reactions would be pretty much the following:

Celestia: "Well, they are free to believe whatever they want. Although it still feels awkward."

Luna: "They worship us? I'm really glad thou liketh us but is this not too much?"

Twilight: "I read books about ponies and spirituality, this may be a chance to study religious ponies from a completely different angle."

Rainbow Dash: "Hah, I didn't expect to be worshipped like that before joining the wonderbolts. Anyway feel free to praise me as much as you want to."

Applejack: "Now that ain't right. Ahm just a normal pony."

Pinkie Pie: "Oh this could be fun, come on everypony, the first church of party animals with the mission for fun."

Fluttershy: "Eeep." And then she hides under her bed to get away from the sudden attention.

Rarity: "Oh the admiration is fantastic, and there is so much good we can do."

Also please keep this neutral without any bashing of religion or atheism.
>> No. 84272
Ok, here's what I have so far in regards to>>83834

I'm going to spoiler some of this message since it involves alot of last chapter/end of story type spoilers.
One of the scientific/medical aspects Celestia has been pushing in the Empire is the use of synthetic tissue implants (I suppose you could think of them as Deus Ex's augments except they aren't strictly mechanical and they don't equate to superpowers, but that's probably the basest understanding of them). Within the same time as FiM, Celestia has secretly begun research into synthetics as a possible way to improve and lengthen the lives of those around her (perhaps even granting them some degree of immortality). After over a thousand years of watching everyone she's ever come into contact with die off (except Luna) she has become increasingly depressed over mortality and suffering. At the same time, Equestria's political relations with other nearby kingdoms have fallen through and war seem unavoidable. This, of course, means only more death and suffering. Celestia is driven to advance synthetic technology to prevent as much of this as possible, perhaps to the point of recklessness. Her letters to Twilight become erratic and come less often as she becomes more desperate. This prompts Twilight to return to Canterlot, leaving Spike and the rest of the M6 in Ponyville. Here she comes into contact with the technology for the first time and is fascinated by it. She agrees to help Celetia's endeavors to advance synthetics [continued in part 2]
>> No. 84279
Twilight agrees to help Celestia develop synthetics, even to the point of receiving an implant of an experimental synth herself. The operation is a success in that it grants Twilight some degree of immortality; but whats left of her is heavily altered, hybridized creature. Celestia, in seeing what Twilight has become, blames herself as a failed mentor. She contemplates killing her student so that she will not have to live in her hybrid body for all eternity, but cannot bring herself to do it out of love. Ultimately she decides to care for Twilight in secret but chooses to keep their contact as a minimum (out of her guilt). Meanwhile, Equestria is in a state of near-constant war. As one conflict prompts another with various nearby governments and factions, Equestria has no choice but to annex the defeated kingdoms to prevent further uprising and backlash. Thus the Empire is formed. After several years, some degree of stability has been reached and the massive wealth from the colonized lands has given Celestia the funds to develop fully-functional and safe synthetics, which she promoted by undergoing the surgery to have them implanted. While these safer synths do not yet grant immorality, Celestia hopes to encourage the populace to adopt them as the norm in advance. However, Twilight (who is still living in secret in the Canterlot Palace) believes that Celestia has abandoned her and becomes deranged and desperate from the years of isolation. She soon discovers that she can interact with the synth implanted into other ponies. She devises a plan to secretly manipulate Celestia and others with synths to accelerate Celestia's Utopian goals in an effort to win back her love. However, in her mentally unstable state, her influence causes her subjects to become erratic, fanatical, prejudiced, and ruthless. In effect, Years off Twilight's influence created the conditions for the tyrannical technocracy that the Empire has become. Celestia, unaware of the dark influences forcing her actions, believes that she has become corrupt and heartless. She despises herself for the dystopic world that she is now in change of, yet she is unable to change her ways. The result of which is a seemingly never-ending cycle of cruel forced dictatorship and self loathing.

>> No. 84282
Point of the story is the adventure across the seas fighting NMM's forces, and the mountain from Dragonshy wasn't in the Everfree forest IIRC.
Why couldn't Celestia lower the moon herself to make way for the sun in the first place? And in the pilot, once NMM is defeated Celestia seems to come from the sunrise in the same manner that NMM was released from the moon.
As for the setting being landlocked, like I said, the setting was inspired by The Windwaker, where Hyrule was flooded by the Gods and the people fled to the mountaintops to seek haven. As far as I can tell, Equestria has a lot of mountains, so there would be a lot of islands.
My idea wasn't the elements of harmony failing, persay, just that the Mane 6 failed to take the opportunity to use them because Twilight never jumped in the vortex after the elements.
>> No. 84361
I like how this concept sounds a lot, generally. It sounds pretty cool so far.

But I would want to keep pushing the idea that Celestia and Twilight really aren't "bad guys". They do horrible, weird things, but they do so for their own reasons.

Not to hype my own stuff, but I just finished writing this story about Princess Luna wanting to marry and have kids with his one unicorn. But then she has to deal with the full implications of burying not just her husband, but her future daughter and sons. It eats her and Celestia up inside. (In one of my alternate endings, I have Luna coltnap the unicorn and try to turn him into an alicorn from a black magic ceremony. It ends up killing Luna..)

So, I wouldn't say that either Twilight or Celestia become mad, or they give in to despair at any point. Celestia could have valid reasons (not disclosed to most ponies) for acting in a pre-emptive strike to take over these other lands. Celestia as well as essentially sees Twilight as a daughter as time passed, and having to bury her due to her mortality becomes too much.

I'm just saying that if I was writing this story, then I would go for the same emotional tone as you had in the final Harry Potter book/movie where Snape embraces Potter and says that 'You have your mother's eyes'. And Potter fully understands that he did everything-- now matter how horrible-- out of love.

>Sorry if I gave up too many non-spoilered things in this post
>> No. 84363
I think a flooded Equestria is a nice idea, but I would totally revamp the backstory to it.

If I was writing it, I might develop the idea that the flooding was an accident. As well, reversing it would be found to be even worse than letting things stay flooded.
>> No. 84374
File 132935900894.png - (122.07KB , 894x894 , Adraen 3.png )
the whole daughter concepts is really what i was going for

HOWEVER, i would like to point out that that entire 2 post description is essentially a subplot of things that happen "off-camera" (as i like to call it)
its simply what happened in the past to set up the actual events described in the fic
Is that perhaps a bit complicated? yes, and thats exactly how i like it
>> No. 84380
Go ahead and write the backstory as a complete story. Why not? It sounds like fun. I probably would enjoy writing it myself.

Also, I'm actually curious now what you think of my own Luna-x-pony doomed romance story set (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/7739/Nightmare-Date and http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8928/A-Nightly-Romance). If you're not interested, of course, that's cool.
>> No. 84382
id love to give it a read when i get the chance

as far as writing the backstory as a separate fic, im not so sure. i work at an extremely slow pace (not even finished with the expository "chapter zero" as i call it). that and i tend to be somewhat unreliable when i comes to getting canon characters right. thats why im doing a fic about a different time period where only 4 canon characters appear (and the time difference justifies any changes i may make to their personality, intentional or otherwise)
>> No. 84383
Hey guys. I was just lookin' through my folder of fanfic ideas, and came across one that I thought up a while ago, but never followed through on. Not askin' for a bunch of ideas, although that would admittedly be appreciated. Just wonderin' what the Chan thinks of the it.

Basic premise:
Minotaur monster hunter comes into Equestria from the Outlands. He's an old friend of Zecora, so decides to pop by for a visit. A monster (I'm thinkin' a hydra) attacks, and rather than waiting for the Mane Six to sort things out, he does his job. He quickly defeats the monster, and is about to deliver the Coup de Grace, when Fluttershy intervenes.

That's all I've really gotten. Tell me what ya think, and, if you're up to it, where it could go from there.
>> No. 84387
File 132936132574.jpg - (132.04KB , 900x882 , Mischief 2.jpg )
also: that gets my delusional thought-juices flowing...
if youre ever in the mood for collab, hit me up
im honestly not that great of a writer (mostly because i get tripped up in sentence structure) but given a few hours and enough pacing, i can be one hell of an idea guy
>> No. 84455
I don't know if that would work out, but I guess I'm up for it. Collaborating sounds fun.

I'm more of an ideas guy then a writing guy as well. Still, I feel like I can do scene-by-scene moment writing fine. I love taking ideas and applying them into something like a movie scene, but I have a hard time sticking together little ideas into a grand plotline. I can think of huge, general plots as well, but I think I don't get the middle well (I can do the small, the big, but not the in-between that well).

But seriously-- do the backstory first. It won't just make writing the rest of the story easier, but I think it would be pretty nice / pretty popular. I'm also thinking that if you begin everything with a tear-jerking sort of scene like Elle and Carl from Up! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2bk_9T482g), it will just drill home why Celestia would do everything that she does.

Right now as I think about your general idea some more, I immediately thought about this scene to open the whole thing-- some opening scene where Celestia is watching some beloved close staff member getting sick from something genetic (that can't be cured by magic), like an auto-immune disease. She curses herself, for being a goddess, she is far from perfect. She wishes that she could everywhere at once, righting all wrongs everywhere, and so on-- but she can't. She has limits to her magic, her powers.

There could be a real poetic scene, something like looking out from the window above the hospital room, breathing into the cold glass, drawing a heart with her hoof, and then speeding away before the doctors look up to notice that she was even there. Of course she couldn't be seen, such a personal concern would be too out of protocol for someone of her position for such a lowly assistant. She'd flash back to that assistant, hiding his incurable symptoms from her, and she'd curse again her position-- she's so alone, so separate, and so forced away from simple emotion with normal ponies. She'd think back to dinners with him, his jokes, learning about his family, and how it meant so little to her at first-- how odd it is to be so close to somepony and only realize it later.

Then, in the end of that scene, Celestia would fly over the hospital and glare at room after room of other common ponies with their own struggles. She might move some clouds to give some of the patients starting out the windows in despair some shade. Celestia flies away, and she vows then that she's going to find some way to stop the ponies she loves from dying.

I really like this scene now that I saw it in my mind. I'd almost want to just write it, and then send it to you on google docs.

r.e. my fic, I think the writing quality is 'meh', but I really like the emotion. The scenes-- http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8928/10 and http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8928/11 and http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8928/12 -- are what I wrote not too long ago about Luna dealing with her immortality versus her coltfriend (named Strawberry)'s mortality. I think you can just pick it up from the beginning and read those two short sections. Anyways, that's the emotional tone I think your story should start in.

Oh, fuck, now that I'm reading my fics scenes again, I'm crying again. It doesn't help that I'm listening to the same music that I used as inspiration (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMooOfyUcI)
>> No. 84466
dude, i just made a FiMFic account, want to discuss this in there?
>> No. 84485
Link to your account please.
>> No. 84488
oop sorry, i already PMd you

here: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Spirit%20of%20the%20Forest
>> No. 84491
>> No. 84492
>> No. 84495
>> No. 84496
>> No. 84517
it appears FiMFic went down...
we may need to find a different different place to discuss...
>> No. 84519
So it's not just me then?
>> No. 84522
>> No. 84534
well that was strange

everything seems to be back up by now
>> No. 84559

What I said before...
>> No. 84716
Just an idea I don't have much time for ATM. Feel free to take and run with it or discuss and refine it.

A mysterious criminal is stealing rare gems. The Earth Emerald housed in the Canterlot museum is already missing. As is the Water Sapphire stored in the secure vaults of [no bank name yet] in Manehatten.  Now Rarity's Fire Ruby has gone missing, and Twilight must figure out what has happened to it. However, she is not the only pony working on the thefts. 

So that's the gist of the backstory. Additionally, the Sky Diamond is been stolen from the Wonderbolts' headquarters in Cloudsdale. The Royal Guards are doing nothing about it, and Celestia has seemed to turn a blind eye to it. Twilight meets the one other pony who has made the connections and wants to see justice delivered, Sherclop Holmes. 
>> No. 84762
Why put him in there? You've got a reasonable enough adventure story as is before he comes in.
>> No. 84767
Earth Emerald, Water Sapphire, Fire Ruby, and Sky Diamond. Reminds me of Final Fantasy for some reason. I love it!
>> No. 84851
Because I like the potential relationship (non-shipping) and interactions that are possible. Depending on how you build the Sherclop Holmes character, it can be comedic and quite interesting. Plus, I was thinking that it would help Twilight find out what is going on. Besides, all good detectives come in pairs... I think.

I can't say I have played them unfortunately. I just enjoy the idea that there are other gems similar to the fire ruby and they have some special power that the Montiaree (sp?) type character tries to capture and use for his own mischief.
>> No. 84889
I disagree. Twilight would be a better focus for the story. Having her face off with the Sherlock Holmes character just seems a recipe for long, boring Star Wars: The Phantom Menace style exposition. Just try to narrow yourself to the one key protagonist, the one key hero. Neither Twilight nor him work well as a sidekick hero character. Twilight can't be his Holmes; she's too strong of a character for that kind of supportive role in that situation. Sherlock can't be her Spike for the same reasons.
>> No. 84904
If you took idea the whole Sherclop Holmes part, that would fit nicely into my resurrection of MDW fic I'm working on.
>> No. 85315
Just a little idea I'd love to see written in detail:

Scootaloo's parents are actually Soarin' and Spitfire, who gave her up for adoption so that they wouldn't have to give up their careers.
>> No. 85319
Sorry for double post, but does anyone else think Fetlock Holmes sounds good?
>> No. 85327
Sure. And know I also won't think dirty thoughts whenever I read his name.
>> No. 85331
>> No. 85372
Not sure why, but right now I'm imagining Cartman getting trapped in Equestria, and whenever he tries to swear, it comes out as a pony explicitive. Y'know, "horseapples", "what the buck", "son of a beaver", "you dirty horse".
Yeah, it's stupid, but I just imagine Cartman getting pissed off beyond belief.
>> No. 85402
Cartman would do terrible things to ponies
>> No. 85441
>Cartman would do terrible and awesome things to ponies

>> No. 85484
So, I had this story idea, but I'm not much of an author. Maybe one of you kind ponies wants to pen it for me? If no one does, that's fine, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

My working title is "Discordant." The basic premise is a mirror of The Return of Harmony, but in an alternate universe where the Deharmonized versions of the Mane 6 are their original forms, and the antagonist (anti-villain, I guess) is a sort of anti-discord (or maybe even Celestia) that turns them into the show's original versions of the characters as kind of a way to point out their inherent character flaws and how to be better people in general.

Along the way some shit happens, they decide that their normal personalities are better than the "good" ones by merit of being who they actually are, and flaws being an important part of who someone is and all that shit. I was thinking about maybe having it be that Celestia is some sort of dictator who wants to make a super-friendly dystopia by brainwashing the population and making them all act unrealistically friendly and stuff. A "Crapsaccharin World," to use the TVTropes term for it.
>> No. 85778
File 132977001149.gif - (43.21KB , 166x125 , Kitsune 3.gif )
hey, heres a crazy question (although im only posting it here since i have no idea where else it would go):
if i wanted to propose an idea to work on collaboratively, where would i ask if anyone was interested? here? in a new thread?
>> No. 85780
I do think there's a board called /collab/, still I'm not sure if you should go there though, someone else might have to give some insight
>> No. 85782
/collab/ is more for major projects requiring a diverse talent pool. For example, an interactive story would fit in there, since that would require coders, artists, writers ect.
>> No. 85790
thats what i was thinking
>> No. 85865
Idea: Twilight has some kind of unfortunate and embarrassing accident (maybe something in the John). She clocks her head good. But then, she starts hearing this strange, beautiful music whenever she does magic.

She starts thinking that she's tapping into something deep, like some kind of inherent magic in the fiber of the world that few ponies can feel directly. She writes Celestia, and the sun goddess speculates that it makes sense. Celestia says something like "Music is the divine voice, after all. It's universal." (i.e. Brian Wilson saying that "Music is Gods voice").

So then Twilight gets obsessed with recording this album and releasing it to the world for ponies to share in her wonderful mental music. She has a hard time doing this, and she drafts all of her friends with it. She's gradually going insane-- sort of like in Lesson Zero.

They'll be scenes like:

[ Rarity grabbed the twin kazoos, staring at Twilight as she crammed them into her mouth. Applejack balanced atop the chair and held the little speaker high up the air. The snare drum sound popped out of the speaker, ran down into the glass bottles below, and sank into the microphones below.

Pinkie wiggled about to and fro, running her long tongue all over the C-keys. Big Mac stood off in his own little word, humming in a steady arpeggio. He glanced over at the array of green lights besides Twilight's head.

"Daring, are you sure we shouldn't just go with the demo?" Rarity asked, trying not to glare at Twilight's cracked expression.

"I told you it has to be perfect!" Twilight screamed, sucking her hair into her mouth. Her eyes danced up at the huge bottle of pills hidden in between the amplifiers.]

In other words, Twilight Sparkle is Brian Wilson and she goes insane making a pony version of 'Smile'. But then again, as Twilight is being led into a Canterlot mental institution, the rest of the mane six releases what will become the greatest Canterlot hit single of all time.

It's a baroque pop masterpiece laying melodies upon melodies and using such bizarre yet beautiful overdubs as well as exotic instruments (like 'Heroes and Villains', 'Good Vibrations', 'God Only Knows', etc.). Celestia weeps. Twilight starts having groupies hang out outside her library.

>> No. 85866
[test post]
>> No. 85908
Anyone going to look at that? I'd appreciate it...
>> No. 85912

>So, I had this story idea, but I'm not much of an author. Maybe one of you kind ponies wants to pen it for me? If no one does, that's fine, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
Don't put yourself down... The only way you can really get better as a writer is to do the two key things (a)read and (b)write.

>My working title is "Discordant."
I see what you're going for, but that sounds... weird. I'd pick something else.

>The basic premise is a mirror of The Return of Harmony, but in an alternate universe where the Deharmonized versions of the Mane 6 are their original forms, and the antagonist (anti-villain, I guess) is a sort of anti-discord (or maybe even Celestia) that turns them into the show's original versions of the characters as kind of a way to point out their inherent character flaws and how to be better people in general.
Discord as a good guy is interesting, and I'm a sucker for Celestia-x-Discord if you ever go that route. But I'd make it more complicated than that. Maybe it's that the mane six are really flawed, more than usual, but they still have some good qualities.

>Along the way some shit happens, they decide that their normal personalities are better than the "good" ones by merit of being who they actually are, and flaws being an important part of who someone is and all that shit. I was thinking about maybe having it be that Celestia is some sort of dictator who wants to make a super-friendly dystopia by brainwashing the population and making them all act unrealistically friendly and stuff. A "Crapsaccharin World," to use the TVTropes term for it.
Dictator Celestia is a tired meme that I don't really like. I think it would work a lot better if Celestia is a complex character, and she's trying to make ponies better since her grand plan-- of leading a mane six elements of harmony to serve as role models-- failed. It could be that there was a horrible situation before she took over-- maybe something about the whole world's magic was corrupted in a way that serial killers, vampires, or something like that rampaged all over. She takes strong measures, but it's understandable.

I also think that the mane six should learn after the fake, Discord-caused that it's important to be themselves. But they should also realize that accepting their flaws is part and parcel with trying to be better. Maybe they think back to their fake happiness, and they start to wonder. Flutterbitch thinks about how her kind self brought romantic attention, and how much she loved feeling those furry friends all over her.

So maybe the mane six don't end up like they are on the show, but they take a stab at that direction post-story.
>> No. 86144
FiM+G1 transformers
>> No. 86155
MLP+G1 transformers
>> No. 86185
>> No. 86222
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i was thinking of writing a story with the basic idea being this:

its 5 years after the main characters sister has died

the last thing he saw of her was arguing with her over something stupid

he remember her favorite pony being fluttershy

everyday he is reminded of her... and every day he brings himself to madness by this

his parents had been dead for a while... and he knows his sister is with them

he finds her diary and realises that its full of stories of ponys and him and her family

at the end he just cant take it anymore and commits suicide

thanks in advance (pic unrelated)
>> No. 86224
o_O -_- o_o O_o
Uh. So you want to write a story where an OC human commits suicide and the only link to MLP is that his dead sister liked ponies?
I fail to see the link here into any reason as to why MLP fans would read this story.
>> No. 86225
No offense, but that just sounds awful.
>> No. 86226
Make it so that he's going to commit suicide, but then he meets this great girl who's really nice, really shy, yet also interested in him. She looks and acts like a human Fluttershy.

Perhaps it could end ambiguously. He kind of thinks that it really is Fluttershy, magically made human somehow, but he also thinks it could be just a coincidence. In any rate, as things end he says "She's the element of kindness, either way".

Just making a guess...
>> No. 86228
File 132994527675.png - (232.52KB , 900x1408 , surprised_sousaphone_pony_by_shadowillhcr-d41hc5s.png )
I... I don't.... what? This is a MLP fanfic?
>> No. 86977
I suddenly noticed that you can put links in the actual body on FiMFiction so of course I'm planning out an epic adventure CYOA (Having to use paper, 70s style. Srsly, keeping track of the choices is maddening without, especially in the early stage I am on now before the emergence of paths).

"An unknown evil" is the Big Bad of the series*. He kidnapped the princesses and is keeping them in a stone prison far far away in a stone prison by the Southern Sea, and the reason I gave why the "You" character is exploring is that the Mane Six embarked and are missing, so I had this really dandy idea that you could potentially find two of them in each instalment of the series (There will be 3) and they could act as 'mini-bosses' along the way, and when you defeat them they follow you towards the final showdown, giving you passive bonuses. The number you find also determine how difficult Discord is to defeat at the end, as well (From not even needing to fight if you manage to discover all six of them, down through 'stronger progressively' the less of them you find to Impossible Fight of Impossibility if you try to go it alone).

Anyway, what do you guys think the passive bonuses should be? So far I've got (In order of when they will be found):

>FS: Kindness. When any fight except ones marked with a * begins, roll 2 dice. If the total adds up to 7, the enemy stops attacking you. (Treat as a victory)
>RA: Generosity. Any prices which you are quoted from now on are reduced by 20%. Round up.
>AJ. Honesty. Nothing so far.
>PP: Laughter. Nothing so far.
>RD: Loyalty. Add 1 point of effectiveness to any armour and weapons you are wearing.
>TS: Magic. Reduce 3 Points from any Enemy's STAMINA gauge.

Also don't worry if any help you can give uses concepts that you aren't sure exist in the game. I can most likely adapt them. The system is very similar to Steve Jackson's Sorcery!, if that helps.

* It was Discord until I wrote this post but I just realised that this Dr. Evil crap isn't really Discord's style.
>> No. 86978

>...determine how difficult Discord ...

Woops. Mentally scrub that name, if you would. My derp.
>> No. 86981
Sounds remarkably complicated.
>> No. 86985

Nah it's ridiculously easy, to be honest. Plus I wrote a nice in-depth 'how to play' at the start which gently takes people who have never played a proper CYOA before through the methods of play, hopefully without any talking down. I'd explain the game to you here but hey I could just copy and paste the tutorial to pastebin.

There's a menu at the start with codes so you can Ctrl+F skip to any section which catches your interest.

>> No. 86986
File 133018981902.jpg - (78.22KB , 633x1041 , rainbowdragons.jpg )
If you can pull of a pony CYOA, it would be amazing. Like, as awesome as riding on the back of a rainbow spitting dragon as it gets revenge for something.

As for bonuses and stuff, the simpler you can get the game, the better. Most adventurebooks just had you pick a number and compare it to another number, which would then produce a win/loss result. Combat was just a slightly more involved version of this with a 'loss' result depleting someone's HP, after which you run through the whole thing again until someone ran out of HP.

You don't want to get much more complicated that this. If you really want everyone to modify situations like this, just plug in the specifics at the time of the even instead of trying to institute it as some kind of global rule that the reader needs to keep in the back of their mind at all times.

>"A WILD MANTICORE menacing the party, gnashing its threatening fangs! Do you..."
>...Flee for your lives! [go here]
>...Choose to fight the monster! [go here]
>...let FLUTTERSHY deal with it [go here]

So, something like that. You can run (which may or may not work depending on the situation), you can fight (which would be over in one roll or several, depending on how dangerous it really is), or you can just let Fluttershy deal with the whole thing if you've got her with you. I've actually got some scans of an old Lone Wolf gamebook around somewhere. I'll see if I can't dig that up and show off the rule system it used...
>> No. 86991

>Most adventurebooks just had you pick a number and compare it to another number, which would then produce a win/loss result. Combat was just a slightly more involved version of this with a 'loss' result depleting someone's HP, after which you run through the whole thing again until someone ran out of HP.

Essentially that's "Test Your Luck" and normal combat, but testing your luck is already used in combat since that was the only real way to get some race pro/cons going on.

I want there to be real consequences to picking yourself out as an earth pony or a pegasus or a unicorn, instead of it being some arbitrary choice that the player doesn't think or care about because "at the end of the day it's all the same". I also want to avoid "Oh a pit, if only you had wings" gimmicks.

It's still easy to remember, but it's complicated enough that anybody who wants to play would spend some time choosing one and thinking about it.

>you can just let Fluttershy deal with the whole thing if you've got her with you

Problem with listing the option like that is that finding Fluttershy is optional and so is Showing A Little Kindness in a combat situation. So far, the idea is that to find the main characters (They're not obviously placed!) one has to demonstrate and put into practise the lessons that Twilight Sparkle writes at the end of each episode of FiM and if the player isn't willing to do that then it does no good to let them know what they could have won. They'd probably just cheat. A little unexplained * sometimes though? Probably just dummy author making a typo.

But that part of the game not hidden, not to an unfair degree. The only thing they have to demonstrate without prompt to get it pretty explicitly stated is a willingness to talk to the one NPC available to talk to in Ponyville, who is strongly hinted to be your very good friend in the very first entry.

And there's no room for fleeing in my game, at least so far. I made it super explicit to mention early on that once You steps into that forest, there is no coming back until hi/her quest is complete. I might revise that idea later, maybe I could make it super difficult so that people won't want to do it, but still leave the option there...
>> No. 87012
My god. I want to read this fic.

Also, a couple of people thought this little idea was good:

Discord meets Eris (from Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy). Shenanigans, and possibly shipping, ensue.
>> No. 87029

I think it's important to keep things simple enough that readers can track everything in their heads. Maybe that's unfair, but most readers aren't going to bother getting out a pencil and paper to keep track of what they've found, how many hp they have, and so on, so if the list isn't pretty short and easy to remember, they'll just get frustrated and quit.

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/05/storygame-purloined-pony.html Is a CYOA that is really popular, and the only things you need to remember (I think) are whether you talked to Fluttershy, Rarity, and/or Pinkie Pie at the start. You could go a little more complicated than that, like if you give players a choice of their starting race or ask them to chose a weapon from a list they aren't going to forget what they picked, but I think you'll do best if you make sure that the story can be played without having to write anything down to remember.
>> No. 87112
At the risk of getting confusing, there's a programming language called ChoiceScript—see http://www.choiceofgames.com/make-your-own-games/choicescript-intro/ for the language and several games written in it—which is able to make CYOA games of varying levels of complexity. The language isn't too tough to pick up, either.

Of course, if you want to go the whole hog, VN-style, with music-art-sound-voices-etc., then Ren'Py is made for that. ChoiceScript is more limited in that it doesn't allow for sound, images, or special effects, but it's quite serviceable for the basic CYOA format.
>> No. 87139
File 133025059624.png - (18.18KB , 337x332 , Untitled.png )

I'm pretty set on where I'm going re: game mechanics on this, to be honest. Maybe a few details (I still need to test out the different races in assorted battles to see if they need tweaking so I can ensure that they're balanced) can change but I don't want to throw out the entire system. There's just no point otherwise.

That link you've posted is interesting (I've gone through it about twice now), but it isn't the same. Both that project and my project have the same roots; that of a multiple-choice adventure game. However, Purloined Pony is a short story with branching plots, whereas mine is a much more neckbeardish single-player text RPG.

>most readers aren't going to bother getting out a pencil and paper to keep track of what they've found, how many hp they have, and so on, so if the list isn't pretty short and easy to remember, they'll just get frustrated and quit.

I encourage using (and provide) digital equivalents for everything, so they don't need to get out or even own anything. All they need is an Internet connection, Notepad or equivalent and the ability to copy/paste a template and type sometimes. If someone can't be bothered doing that, then it's their loss! You'll just have to trust my word when I say that it is very VERY easy to get into the swings of the system.

So, with that out of the way, what do you think the passive bonuses for Pinkie and AJ should be? It should somewhat relate to their element, which is why I'm having a little trouble with those two.


I'm doing it on FiMFiction, since I can quickly make a new chapter for each individual entry and easily locate and modify them if I need to do so afterwards (And I also get all the feedback and stats etc, which I always enjoy looking at, in one place). Pic related, I wrote out a quick section last night to see if it was viable to actually do so. It's essentially on rails but there are still 6 potential ways to get to the next (unwritten) section so I'd say great success.
>> No. 87267
Anyone ever play or read Rifts?

Basic concept, Discord, realizing he is going to lose again, decides that if he can't have Equestria, then the alicorns can't either, and rips a number of holes in reality.

In floods humans, horrible monsters and unnameable things. Canterlot falls to something powerful and vile, various human groups take over portions of the land and pony society is torn apart.

5 years later, the two protagonists, one a human female, one a pony male, try to muddle through life in new Equestria. No grand overarching plot, just short adventures, ala early Conan stories.

>> No. 87277
File 133034225398.png - (76.93KB , 320x214 , sephi_pony__derpderpderp_by_sliverlynx-d4q310l.png )
I'm just going to bounce my ideas off here to see what I get. I'm actually going to write this once I finish off... three main projects yeah that's not gonna happen so yeah.

Anyhow, it's a Kingdom Hearts x MLP crossover. There will be no Keyblades or Keyblade masters. There will be tons of Heartless and maybe Twilight's Nobody screw KH 3.

So, basically, I have this so far:

>The Heartless come to every world sooner or later. Equestria is no exception
>the darkness gains its roots through the seeds of major MLP events: particularly the Want-It-Need-It spell, that even though the effects wore off, everypony still has memories of the feelings and therefore shadows in their hearts
>outbreak of Heartless in the northern regions: Trottingham, Ponyville etc.
>Twilight is missing and so the Elements of Harmony cannot be used
>the Royal Princesses relent and release Discord to ask for his help, since he *is* the most powerful being in Equestria
>epic adventures and character development: Celestia, the jaded scion of light, Luna, still healing from the NMM incident, and Discord who uses the new darkness warily
>Discord redemption

So yeah. Whaddaya guys think?
>> No. 87350
I like it, each story a standalone dealing with the many aspects of the society from the poor to the rich. Go for it.
>> No. 87369
Are ponies hung, like animals, or hanged, like criminals?
>> No. 87375
I'm gonna go with hanged, since they wouldn't consider themselves on the same level as other animals.
>> No. 87424
Someone complained about FO:E, saying it was like reading Berserk in ponies. Sooooo... idea!

So far I've narrowed it down to 'Behelits showing up in Equestria' as opposed to just ponifying Guts' world, and while I've figured out the first few victims (Trixie, Diamond Dogs, Gilda, Apple Bloom), I'm trying to figure out what would make Twilight Sparkle betray her friends for ultimate power. Perhaps to save Celestia? I'm thinking Applejack for the sole pony survivor of the Eclipse and Guts stand-in.

But the real question is, what do I call the pony version of the God Hand? God Hoof sounds stupid, plus the lack of fingers for Apostles.
>> No. 87495
I actually like 'God Hoof'...
>> No. 87529
File 133041533202.jpg - (96.84KB , 800x750 , 8723648723648726438.jpg )
I second this. Use god hoof because fuck the police.
Discord as Void?

In this world, is the destiny of ponykind controlled by some transcendental entity or law? Is it like the hoof of God hovering above? At least it is true that ponies has no control; even over their own will.
>> No. 87614
Hello Bronies of Ponychan
Quite often I find myself reading fan-fiction from bronies, and after reading enough I decided to take a crack at it. So my story called the Undeworks was born, I have reached a problem I am having a tad bit of trouble in naming some of the characters, two to be exact. And before you start to tell me what a bad writer I am, I have two things to say in my defense one this is my very first crack at writing this form of fiction and two I am really bad at naming things ie my cat mouse. But I am turning to you for help it is a grimdark bit that involves a large system of wide industrial piping that was created to house a monster that you cannot hear, feel, smell, or anything else that is not sight. You see I have made the monster to be a shadow and a half mile underground there will be hard times falling on the pony that becomes trapped there. But I need help finding a name and cutie mark for the main character (male) and one of his three friends (also male) all I need are those two names/cutie marks
Also the main character is a dark grey and crimson coated pony whom is seen as an outcast in the village even more since he got his cutie mark
10 extra points if you can fit the name in those qualifications

(And a cast list for you at home to go over)
The Underworks cast list

An energetic olive colored pony with a four leaf clover as a cutie mark

A sullen opposite to clover in every way but the color of her coat which is an orange-ish yellow

-Main character
Described above

-Male friend

Thank you for helping me and remember no profanity please
>> No. 87616
Sorry I take responsabilaty for this post
my bad
>> No. 87640
File 133047672247.jpg - (6.82KB , 203x200 , 132637357829.jpg )
> Also the main character is a dark grey and crimson coated pony whom is seen as an outcast in the village even more since he got his cutie mark

No, why is he an outcast? Does he start fires? Then probably Ember. Does he mess up things for others accidentally? Probably Lucky. People have reasons for the things they do. If they hate him just on principle, your character is probably going to fail even the kindest of Mary Sue tests.

As for names, take a look at >>83432
I'll repeat what I said there
>If you're having lots of trouble, steal names from GI Joe or Transformers.
If you don't have a character background in mind that you can draw off of, you might as well just steal the names that sound right. We don't need another character named Crimson Wave just yet.

I'll try to avoid my eye rolling at at yet another Dark colored, crimson coated OC, but no promises.
>> No. 87700
> If they hate him just on principle, your character is probably going to fail even the kindest of Mary Sue tests
Unless playing a Hunchback or Frankenstein's monster sort of role, as a deformed pariah, archetype ogre and not 100% intelligent creature that characters both hate out of principle of what he is *and* out of fear of him (and maybe also what he represents). The story would then have to be not just about the ogre but another character who puts herself in harm's way and faces ostracism for trying to relate to and understand him, and the story could also be about that character's strength as well as the ogre's weakness.

But yeah, if a character is hated just because he's cooler than everyone else and wins at everything forever (running, football, weddings, arson, art...) then you have a story that sucks.
>> No. 87728
You could also have a Joey Ramone-like character that for whatever mental or physical reasons is difficult to tolerate. Somepony that's intelligent but can barely remember where he lives, or maybe he's so compulsive that he has to walk up every single stair on a set of stairs, or something like that. I'm not talking about Snails-ish behavior. I'm talking about being somepony that can pay complete and total attention to a 'Danger' sign, but then feel a deep desire-- that just has to be satisfied-- to straighten the fifth, slanted bar because it looks off. Those kinds of people/ponies will be despised by friends and family. That character would work very well.
>> No. 87734
File 133049482490.png - (83.79KB , 220x280 , 132749502698.png )

That would be sort of why I put the 'just' there.

Hideous Freak Abomination would be grounds for irrational hatred. Joey Ramone? Any ways, deeply ingrained psychological quirks would also be grounds for dislike.

In fact, such ingrained dislike on a social level is probably related to his name in some fashion. A foal that digs around in garbage, would be likely to grow into an adult who digs around in garbage, and would be reasonably disliked for example. Plus his name would probably be garbage related.

> Also the main character is a dark grey and crimson coated pony whom is seen as an outcast in the village even more since he got his cutie mark
This is not enough character to work with. There could be any number of causes, not to mention most of your post is telling me about your monster.

When 75% of your character description is what a character looks like, you've done it wrong. In the first paragraph that's just boring, and in the story outline that's a crime.
What are his hopes and dreams? Has he ever been kissed? Does he have a favorite vacation spot? What does he do after work?
A character is more then the tint of their hair or the color of their skin. Fur. Coat. Whatever. You don't have to put that kind of stuff in the story. But as a writer, if he's opening his fridge, and he offers the pony he's crushing on a drink, you damn well better know if he's pulling out lemonade, beer, or clamato juice.
>> No. 87740
Did I just have a post deleted here? What was wrong?
>> No. 87756
Your post history shows no deleted posts since the 26th, and those were from a thread that has entirely 404'd, so it appears not.
>> No. 87769
I appear to have somehow had a post eaten by the servers or something. Grr.
>> No. 87831
So story ideas. I have one that I'd like an opinion on, considering that this will be my second attempt to get approved for EQ D.

Basically, the plot starts out with the Mane 6 attending a Ponyville-wide puppet show created by Pinkie Pie. She creates a puppet for each person in Ponyville, and picks random ones of a big box to decide which ones she'll use in any particular show. Since this is her first one, the mane 6 come backstage afterwards to congratulate her on her performance. However, Rarity decides that the sock puppet that was supposed to represent her doesn't really look like her, and Rainbow Dash thinks the whole idea is lame. A big argument happens between Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, resulting in Rarity accidently ripping her sock puppet and making Pinkie very sad.

She offers to fix it with her magic, but Twilight beats her to it, and the two get into a childish quarrel over who can do a better job to mend it for Pinkie. Their opposing magics clash, causing a magical backlash that hits Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy in full force. When the dust clears, all four of them are gone, but Pinkie Pie quickly realizes that they're now all trapped inside her sock puppets.

At that point it's up to Twilight and Pinkie Pie to return the rest of their friends back to normal. Over the course of all this, they realize that their bickering and arguing is the main thing holding them all back from solving their puppet predicament.

So yeah, that's the basic idea. I've got more details planned out but I want to hear a general consensus before I settle on it. And if you're wondering, I was inspired to do that after watching some episodes of the Muppet Show. :)
>> No. 87832
Meh, not horrible. Seems kinda out of character for Twilight and Rarity to act like that though.
for a second, I though you were gonna go all Bedtime Stories on us, which would probably work too.
>> No. 87833
File 133054000905.png - (147.38KB , 310x588 , 130638665738.png )
Twilight getting into a childish argument seems a stretch for her. But I'm thinking it could use the default chaos manifest who is in convenient range of Rarity, Sweetie Belle. Since it does rely on clashing magical functions, the combinations of the Elements involved and Sweetie's untapped potentials could get the desired outcome as well.

I have... problems seeing Fluttershy joining in on an argument though. Especially if it's a 'big' one. Twilight might jump in, but Fluttershy would probably sit on the periphery. Depending on how it's written.

Mind you, this means you might have to write Sweetie as well as Twilight and Pinkie, but consider it at least. And it avoids implications of 'Twilight messes up a spell'.
>> No. 87849

Perhaps it would be more in-character for Sweetie Belle and Rarity to cause the problem in the first place as opposed to Twilight and Rarity. They are sisters after all so I guess that would make more sense.

There is also the possibility of taking out a character or two and making it smaller. It's like I have this jumble of ideas but they've yet to completely make sense yet; I may have to watch a few episodes again for inspiration.

The goal here is to make it as a physically close to an episode as possible, and I will not be satisfied with whatever I've written until that is so. I know my story-line might be "cheesy" or whatever, but it's kind of hard to think of something that would actually fit the style of the show.

So yes, any more ideas would be helpful. Because, meh, not horrible, means that it's just average again, and average is a C, and C is a failing grade in my book. I think you all probably get the picture.
>> No. 87854
All right sorry totake so long to reply my laptop only lets me post during daliht hours *dont know why* but my last post got way to hung-up on the story so hows about a round two. all I ask is a name and maching cutie mark or just one or the other I just neeed some names so I dont blow a fuse also I make it up as I go so please for the love of whom-ever looks over Equestria please dont ask me anything about the cast
just please bring me names
thank you
>> No. 87855
File 133055219021.gif - (621.21KB , 200x180 , ____i_don__t_even_know_by_metalbeersolid-d47yqlx.gif )
The crap?
>> No. 87859
File 133055307862.jpg - (56.60KB , 681x425 , 129999166198.jpg )
Referencing >>87616 which is >>87614 ... I think?

Too many addendums I think?

Did you look at >>83432?
Take my OTHER recommendation for example: http://www.joeheadquarters.com/rollcall_joes.shtml

Alpine, Breaker, Dusty, Jinx, Mutt, Thunder. All these names are descriptive, fit everything we know about the character, and pretty much write their own butt tattoo.
>> No. 87861

First off, work on your grammar. I know a post on here doesn't need the same level of scrutiny as a story but that was really hard to read.


Name: Dandy Lion
Cutie Mark: Lion with a top hat and monocle

Name: Fog Horn
Cutie Mark: leghorn rooster

Name: Earth Bound
Cutie Mark: something incomprehensible

Name: Star Gazer
Cutie Mark: camera

Name: Hope
Cutie Mark: giant diamond

Name: Hair Trigger
Cutie Mark: extremely disappointed mare
>> No. 87862
I think the last of my post got to focused on the story all I want is sm names/cutiemarks bothe ether or at this point no strings no storys just names
Thank you
>> No. 87863
sorry I tought ponychan ate my last post
>> No. 87864
Also thank you for getting me those name that was all I needed
>> No. 88018
Applejack discovers Apple Jacks. Is befuzzeled when they don't taste like apples. Vows to correct this insult.
>> No. 88020
I hate Applejack, and that would be an awesome story opportunity to show at her at her worst. You could write her as all stubborn and ignorant, going to the cereal processing plant and raising hell. She could wind up in a tour group, and the factory ponies try and fail to explain how things work to her. They'd fail, of course, since she's so unintelligent. She'll cause a ruckus that maybe takes out part of the factory. Then, in the end, she can be booted out and left crying outside the factory floor like the loser she is.
>> No. 88091
File 133061098632.gif - (9.93KB , 125x114 , 132444523360s.gif )
This has been done before. I tried looking for it, but I can't be bothered to sieve through the sea that is FF.net, so you'll have to take my word for it. It was pretty meh, but it does exist. Something to do with Pinkie Pie and Big Mac. I can't remember.

>> No. 88324
1. Trixie is forced to drag a traveling debt collector after she commissions a new wagon. Debt collector is also person who made wagon. Debt collector is attractive. Hijinks ensue.

2. Appleoosa and the area around it used to be lush meadow land. However due to decay, it became a desert. however, magic machines are in place, built and hidden by an extinct pony tribe, capable of reverting the desert back. One of the Mane 6 (or anyone really) are descendants of that race, thus capable of running the machines.

3. Twilight is honorary royalty.
>> No. 88336
Does anypony know if something like this has been done before:

Trixie tries to summon a Demon in an attemt to get revenge on Twilight. But instead of a Demon, a Human (a sorceress from your generic fantasy world to be exact. But that doesn't matter for my question) appears during her summoning. Having never seen such a creature before, Trixie thinks her summoning was a success and tries to strike a bargain for power. The human of course has her own agenda.

I got much more to this idea, but I wanted to know, if: "Trixie summons Demon, but it's a human, to get back on Twilight."
Has been done before.
And if the concept is even worth working on.
>> No. 88357
Couldn't find a video for it, but I immediately thought of the Futurama Scary Door clip; "A scientist makes the most evil creature in the universe! IT WAS MAN!"
>> No. 88394
File 133073122932.jpg - (128.76KB , 950x840 , anything_for_you__by_from_yesterday_xx-d4rkyrn.jpg )
So, Scootaloo's idol is Rainbow Dash, as everyone knows. Whatever Dash does, Scootaloo is sure try out as well, so it only makes sense for her to start reading the Daring-Do series. However, as days turn into weeks, Dash can't help but notice a strange lack of orange pegasus at her practice sessions. Digging deeper into the matter, she discovers that Scootaloo has become enamoured with Daring! What lengths will Rainbow Dash go to in order to win back her #1 fan's adorations?
>> No. 88397
I don't really like that idea since I see a lot of issues.

>Trixie tries to summon a Demon in an attemt to get revenge on Twilight.
Trixie's revenge is a topic that's been done to death. Even if you're putting a creative spin on it by bringing in demons, it still feels off. Trixie may be a jerk, but she's not a complete idiot. I can't imagine her having a Derpy like moment where she's all: "Hey, I know! I'll mess with evil curses and dark spells and horrible s*** that has driven ponies either mad or insane! What could go wrong! It's totally worth it to possibly die just in order to have a slight chance at revenge!"

>But instead of a Demon, a Human (a sorceress from your generic fantasy world to be exact. But that doesn't matter for my question) appears during her summoning. Having never seen such a creature before, Trixie thinks her summoning was a success and tries to strike a bargain for power.
First of all, Trixie would know that she had failed if she expected, say, something blimp sized that shot fire from its mouth and-- for some reason-- obeyed her every command... but then she got your generic breastplate-enhanced magic girl character. And what on earth would Trixie bargain with? The only thing she has to offer is her mediocre talents as a servant / slave, really. She doesn't have any riches, special abilities, or anything else that would keep the Human from just ditching her. Wouldn't you ditch her if you were a super-generic 'HiE protagonist model 3,456A' that just popped in there? I wouldn't want to run a quest with a "great and powerful" whiner!

>The human of course has her own agenda.
I would think that she's just want plunder from Equestria and then to get out of there. I'd hope you're not going for the super bland "I'm evil and I'm taking over Equestria for the lulz / for the evulz!" storyline. Seriously, the "I'm here! Thus, I'm going to advance the plot because I've read the script!" trope is too played out. I would hope that the sorceress would have a strongly played drive for why she acts like she does.

>And if the concept is even worth working on.
I'm really not interested so far.

I apologize if I'm coming across as 'vindictive reviewer' here. Oh, well...
>> No. 88407
Don't be too quick to dismiss an idea. An idea is nothing, implementation is everything. Especially when the idea is just the beginning of the story.

It would take some work to make the human character seem not-lame, but it could be done.

Then, you could have something like: Trixie is the reluctant-ish servant of a human (thinking Lina Inverse type here) and they continuously get into wacky shenanigans. I, for one, am a fan of shenanigans.
>> No. 88410
Just got one.

John Carter of Mars?

-Bam -
John Carter of Equestria.

"But how is that new?" you ask. "We see HiE stuff like that all the time! Plus, John Carter was basically the original Gary Stu."

Ah, but what about using the actual character himself? The southern gentleman Civil War veteran? And written in the same authentic turn-of-the-century style as the original?

I'd rate that at: neat.
>> No. 88444
>John Carter of Equestria.

...I might actually read this, and I've done my absolute best to have nothing to do with the humans in equestria thing. Given that the new John Carter movie is coming out in a few months I'd actually say are chances are pretty good for seeing at least a few examples of this crossover.

>Rainbow Dash falls asleep somewhere
>...Then she wakes up on mars
>She proceeds to have all sorts of adventures, slaughtering six-legged white apes and romancing princesses
>"best day ever!"

It's almost like it writes itself, although I suppose it helps that Dash would probably be a fan of the Barsoom series if she was willing to crack open a book that was written more than ten years ago.
>> No. 88457
I'm don't usually write fanfiction (I make songs instead: http://soundcloud.com/evan-mcardle/sound-issues). I have a story written in dot points that I was never able to finish, and I've been looking everywhere for feedback to help me make it/a collab partner to write with/someone to finish it for me.

I asked on heaps of chats and forums, and I was eventually told that the people I was looking for were on Ponychan. I posted it on http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/87698.html, and was told to come to this thread, so I really hope you can help.

It's called Orange Bloom: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1H7XJjTmaP-SUgMK6FOy4a_a-I9JYYv-3Z7X0ijJnoss/edit?hl=en_GB&pli=1#

If anypony is able to help me with this, please contact me (prolly by e-mail, because TBH, I only come to Ponychan occasionally).
>> No. 88458
Idea: Rainbow Dash gets into a race, and crashes-

oh wait
>> No. 88507
For some reason or another there is a big race.

Rainbow Dash is one of the competitors.

During a particularly tricky part of the race, the antagonists have their friend (who is one of the announcers) begin sensually describing Fluttershy.

The resulting wingboner causes her to to lose control and crash, knocking her out and knocking her out of the race.

Rainbow Dash now has to deal with the embarrassment of losing a race because of a wingboner.
>> No. 88515
Could be interesting, but wingboners are bannable. Not sure if this would be going to far, though, since it's played for laughs.
>> No. 88556

Sound good, but you have to provide a reason why the Apple-clan (minus Granny Smith, Big Macintosh and Applejack) seem to hate oranges so much. After all there are still Applejacks aunt and uncle orange. It would be weird if only Applebloom gets chewed out for having anything to do with oranges when Applejack gets welcomed back after moving in with them for a while, Also you wrote that the Apple family gets a Psychiatrist for Applebloom, you might want to give him a reason for showing up too because I'd imagine if you want a psychiatrist to treat a family member for planting an orange tree chances are that you get the examination instead.
>> No. 88563
My first thought is that the Apple family would be A-OK with oranges in general, but then they have some specific reason to dislike some X type of oranges.

Make sense?
>> No. 88609
File 133082907968.png - (476.29KB , 640x360 , 132909206378.png )
So, I outlined a short story about Rarity, but I can't write it properly because I have no knowledge of real fashion terms, and don't wish to learn, but I think that this story would benefit from the gratuitous inclusion of them. I'm not really familiar with this board, but it looks like this is the right thread to dump my idea :D



Rarity explains to her friends that she must go on a spirit journey to a sort of fashion Mecca, to learn hidden secrets of fashion. The journey is in some faraway place, not the Everfree Forest. Every big fashion person makes this journey at some time in their career. Everyone must begin in Canterlot, so that is where Rarity starts. By chance, Rarity encounters about three obstacles during her journey, from which she learns that (1) fashion is about expressing the inner person, not masking it with a false cover; (2) fashion, despite the definition of the word, shouldn't be about following trends, but about appreciating real beauty; and (3) fashion shouldn't be a selfish, vain endeavor, but should be undertaken for the benefit of others (i.e. a fashion designer should be motivated by a desire to help others look their best, not by desire for fame, and ponies who dress fashionably should do so out of a desire not to cause displeasure to others by looking unkempt, rather than wanting to be loved for their appearances). And she learns all these things on the way to the special fashion place, so that she knows them once she gets there. When Rarity finally arrives at the fabled holy place of fashion, there is a sort of fashion oracle, spiritual or corporal doesn't really matter, whom she meets and converses with. But the oracle is a complete hack who doesn't understand any of those lessons Rarity has just learned, and is only concerned with the banal, vain aspects of fashion! Yet this oracle's word is held as inviolable by all the Canterlot fashion elite, so that he/she basically sets all the new fashions for each year. Rarity tells the oracle off and returns home, confident that her "spirit journey" was a complete success, because even though what she's learned means she'll probably never ascend to popularity, she knows that she understands the real meaning of fashion better than any of the so-called elite.
>> No. 88629
Anybody seen that one September PMV? If you have,then I imagine that the story would write itself. Guy in a post-apocalyptic wasteland+amnesia=instant story!

However, I'm currently working on two other fics myself, and dont have the time to go write one myself. To my knowledge, no other fics based off of the 'September' concept exist, so this is basically unexplored territory for any aspiring writers, along with the fact that I REALLY want to see a decent fic based off of this, and so do a lot of other people. If one does exist, then feel free to kill me at your leisure.
>> No. 88666

Ok but still, there also needs to be a reason why a psychiatrist would even bother showing up for Applebloom. Maybe he's a member of the Apple Family himself or an easily bribed old friend.
>> No. 88749

That sounds pretty awesome. Maybe have someone accompany Rarity on the journey? It might make it more interesting but it might also distract from Rarity's conflict.

It all sounds pretty cool though. I feel like I could see that in the show.
>> No. 88815
This is a story I'm toying with. I have a "bare bones" idea of what it would look like, but it needs some fleshing out before I can call it ready. Following on from Arcanus Brighthorn's suggestion here (>>88327), I decided to post it on this thread first to see how the premise holds.

Title: Redstreak Jack: Orchards of Time

I had a load of difficulty with this, and it still nags me to a point (no offence to nags, of course). I like the catchiness of the second half, and I want it to be "Jack" something or something "Jack", but "Redstreak" seems like the wrong word. I can justify it being there, but it sounds a bit silly in combination.

Tags: [Comedy][Random][Dark][Adventure]

It'll definitely have an absurd edge to it, hence the comedy and random tags, and there will be an undercurrent of menace to the whole business which will get stronger as the story develops and AJ gains more experience in time travel.

I'm wondering if it might be worth trying some sad as well. I can see AJ suffering a lot of heartbreak as she meets ponies whose fates she already knows, and jumping across time is bound to lead to some homesickness.


“Somethin’ tells me we ain’t in Ponyville no more, Winona.”

After being misled into drinking a mug of experimental tea in Twilight’s home, Applejack ends up jumping back and forth in pony history, and she doesn’t like it one bit. But the history books need editing: the stories aren’t following their original courses, and it’s getting worse with each century. Ponies are vanishing from their places in space-time. Now far away from home, Applejack just happens to fill a niche in a new discipline: time-travel rodeo.

With the guidance of Twilight Sparkle, who in turn is guided by Spike the dragon, who in turn is guided by a really snazzy Dewey Decimal System, Applejack must impersonate famous ponies from the past and re-enact the events that made Equestria history. It’s a tough job, but somepony has got to do it. Who better than ol’ reliable herself?

There’s just one catch: if she fails, Applejack will cease to exist.

With an assortment of astronomers, archaisms, after-eights, apothecaries, aardvarks, anti-ageing acid, atomic magic bombs, and – of course – lots and lots of apples.

Link: I've tried an intro here for good measure, and to see how it would work. Take a look if you want a sneak peek.


However, it's currently unpublished. You won't be able to see anything without the password.

Password: RedShift

Comment/Request: I'm writing up a plan, and I'm having extreme difficulty trying to balance the needs between a good setup and trying to get straight into the action. How many words would be necessary?

I also want to avoid the "Twilight botches up a spell" cliche because it's dull and and a cop-out, so I need a plausible way to describe the time travel crisis, as I haven't worked out the details. Any suggestions? Hints? Tips? What, for example, would you want to read - something science-fiction based, or closer to a fantasy vein?

I also want to know if there's a better way for AJ to get tricked without breaking Twilight's character, or if I should play the audacity card for all it's worth. At present, she gets tricked into drinking some time-travel beverage and then offered a carrot cake for an antidote (both magical, of course). Any thoughts?
>> No. 88826
Also, as a follow-up to this:


I have got some stuff written down for this too, but I'm stuck with my depiction of the World of the Alicorns. I pretty much have it clear that it's going to be a parallel world, and I have a physical description of the area where Celestia lives, but I'm having difficulty with:

a) the sociological side of alicorns
b) their relationship with the three tribes (pegasus, unicorn, earth pony)

On a), I've currently got it that the alicorns are divided on how Celestia rules things, and they've pretty much descended into factions that snipe at each other. I suspect, at times, that this might be adding more conflict than the story already needs. Perhaps I should simplify alicorn society to just one side for the sake of the story?

On b), I'm stuck wondering why alicorns would toy with less powerful tribes when they could simply wipe them out. At present, my excuse is that alicorns contain all three tribes' attributes, but this makes them chronically unstable and they need the stable tribes alive in their search for a cure. They're effectively running the ponies as part of a breeding program. Alicorns can live for tens of thousands of years as a natural consequence of their magical powers, so they can plausibly run a program like this.

I'm not sure how convincing this is. For one thing, the whole business with the cure is pretty nebulous. For another, I don't know how to reconcile this "chronic instability" idea with the canon - Celestia is a pretty well-adjusted individual, and unlike Twilight she's never had an onscreen case of magic incontinence or overload.

My alternative was that the alicorns kept the ponies alive and separate because they're following ancient instructions that have been passed down generations. These instructions made sense at the time, but they're now out of date, and almost nopony knows why they're following them beyond "we just do", which could contribute to the conflict between alicorns. Part of Celestia's mission could be finding out what this mystery event was.

Which one sounds better? More interesting? Or is there a third option I've overlooked?

As an aside, I'm having difficulty with the title as well. It was originally called Scarred Swans, in reference to Celestia's and Luna's swanlike grace and to how they're going to get traumatized later in the story. Afterwards, I thought it'd be too obscure or odd-sounding, so I went for the current title. Better, worse, or should I try something else?
>> No. 88846
Someone's probably done this (I haven't checked) but this idea is based on the fact Twilight's VA did Harley Quinn in Arkham City

Twilight becomes Discord's student instead of Celestia's. Whether she turns to chaos after meeting Celestia or is mentored as a filly is up to you.
>> No. 88924

I'm liking this idea. :D It might pay to look up some terms in a specialist book at the local library or on the internet, but I think you could write the story without any particular focus on the details of fashion and fabrics. So long as you focus on character development, you'd be giving what most pony fans prefer anyway.

Have you decided how Rarity is going to learn those lessons? If not, perhaps you could look to Season 1, Episode 2 for inspiration. I got some suggestions for how those lessons could be conveyed, if you want to hear them?
>> No. 88926

Interesting, but you'll need to elaborate more. Is this an alternate universe where Discord is the good order being and Celestia the bringer of chaos, or is this an alternate history where Discord is still his evil self and still in charge? Or is this an alternate history where everything's the same until Season 2, Episode 2, Twilight never gets those friendship letters, and Celestia has to find another way of contacting her.

I only ask because this confused me:

Twilight becomes Discord's student instead of Celestia's. Whether she turns to chaos after meeting Celestia or is mentored as a filly is up to you.
>> No. 88927

It sounds uncomfortably like The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well in the second half, but with Daring Do in place of MMDW. That said, I just had this vision of RD walking into Scootaloo's bedroom, only to recoil with horror because the whole place has been turned into a shrine for Daring Do - with a burst of scare chords and OTT grimaces.

I'm wondering, though - is this meant to be purely a comedy piece, or would there be a moral behind it? The first half could be a good lesson on how your heroes could lead you to try new things you never considered before (a lesson on being open-minded), but that's subverted by the second half when Scootaloo takes it too far. The second half seems to switch the focus on RD, so is it a lesson in humility?

Or maybe RD is more concerned with Scoots not practising and not "living the dream"? After all, if Scoots becomes a bookworm and neglects her exercises, RD might take offense (being an athlete herself). Perhaps she sees Scoots as a mini-RD and doesn't like the idea of seeing mini-RD stray away from the path of athleticism.

Unless the focus is on Scoots, in which case the moral could be something like "Never do anything in excess".

Plus, there's the question of how Scootaloo would initially react when she finds out RD reads. Shocked at first? Confused? Dismissive? Indifferent?
>> No. 88932

Suggestions? SUGGESTIONS? I freaking LOVE suggestions! Bring 'em on!

My main thought was perhaps to use certain animals' appearances as metaphors to convey the lessons. But I haven't put much thought into it, honestly.
>> No. 88939
How would the mane 6, luna, Celestia, Derpy, or pretty much anypony else if they found out that herobrine had a fetish for lampshades.
>> No. 88942
File 133096300498.jpg - (47.57KB , 401x379 , 283D00101069D196FFC49D0020100FE84UN1837303201002Y1CC3F67FEBAC22U107F3FCC004CB2.jpg )

> Suggestions? SUGGESTIONS? I freaking LOVE suggestions! Bring 'em on!

Great! Just so you know where I'm coming from, I think the main focus should be on the type of obstacle you want. Variety should spice it up, so that it doesn't feel repetitive.

I think you're going for these distinctions, right?

1) Self-expression
2) Following your own discretion and your own tastes in beauty
3) Genuine passion

For decent obstacles, you want the antithesis to these. So, you'd want Rarity to face the following themes:

1) Stifling oneself for "fashion"
2) Being a yes-mare and copycat to whoever's in charge
3) Glory-seeking

I imagine these involve Rarity meeting ponies en route.

For the first one, you could have Rarity meet some Ponyville ponies who recently moved to Canterlot. They're ashamed of who they were, and try to hide their origin by dressing up until they're covered in frills and jewels. Rarity could try a friendly talk with them, but be confused by their evasiveness for a while and their horrible fake accents (a lot of fun could be had here!) until she gets to the bottom of it. When she finds out, she tells them where she's from, and they're so stunned because they thought she was a Canterlot pony. They relax after that, and Rarity can help them out with their costumes and teach them what she learned in Sweet and Elite about being true to herself.

The second encounter could be at an inn of some kind. A bunch of yes-mares are fawning over a Prince Blueblood-type stallion, whom Rarity argues with because she has the audacity to disagree with his tastes in music and food. The yes-mares initially side with the Blueblood-type character, but they're clearly not enjoying it and they keep looking wistfully over at Rarity sitting by herself.

When they set off, the yes-mares decide to abandon the Blueblood-type character... only to become yes-mares to Rarity! There could be a Monty-Python parody here in which Rarity tries to get them to think for themselves, but it doesn't work because they just copy her actions and agree with everything she says. She tries to impress them by showing them a beautiful view or a beautiful dress. Rarity learns her lesson about appreciating beauty this way rather than setting trends, but maybe the yes-mares don't learn this particular lesson!

The third one was a little tricky, but I think it could work if, instead of Rarity trying to teach somepony else the lessons, somepony teaches her this one - or at least reminds her, because I suppose she already has passion. She does have a tendency for seeking fame, though, which could get out of hand. Perhaps she encounters Fancypants or Fleur, and learns to her horror that they've fallen out of Canterlot's graces for some reason (perhaps by pushing the limits of exotic taste a little too far). Rarity tries to "save" their reputation, only to learn that they're actually happy as they are because they still attend events and mingle with other ponies. They have a passion for the arts in themselves. Rarity thinks about what she's learned and takes that to the destination.

These are just some examples, with some of my working thrown in. Alternatively, you could use the scenery for discussions of beauty, especially if it involves mountains or countryside. Perhaps an affectionate shout out to Tolkien, who wrote quite lavishly about the scenery in Lord of the Rings to show what a lovely place the countryside could be. My point is that Rarity doesn't have to learn these lessons directly from fashion - she could, for instance, learn them from art or cooking or music or anything "cultured" and still think about them in terms of fashion. Perhaps she could have memories of moments when she lived up to those lessons, like when she learned not to push Fluttershy into the spotlight in Green Isn't Your Colour (don't go glory-hunting), or like when she created the dresses in Suited for Success (trust passion and self-expression), and bring them up when relevant.

What do you think? Even if you don't want these particular ideas, perhaps you can use them to get you thinking about other ideas that you do want.

> My main thought was perhaps to use certain animals' appearances as metaphors to convey the lessons. But I haven't put much thought into it, honestly.

Were you thinking along the lines of animal encounters, or cutie marks? I immediately thought of peacocks when I read this. Bird imagery in general could work for the self-expression lesson, or for the one about following your own tastes.

But really, the best advice I can give is watch the Rarity episodes. Think about what attitudes she's going to have at the beginning of the story, and you can think about how the lessons are best conveyed (especially if she's already learned them in canon - you want to avoid making her look like she has amnesia or cutie mark crusader syndrome). Hope this helps?
>> No. 88963
Gah, now you have me comparing my story idea to the worst episode...

To be honest, I never developed it beyond "Scootaloo finds a new pony to look up to, Dash has to win her back." I suppose the main difference between this and MMDW is the fact that it's taking place on a more personal level.

>> No. 88965
I'm actually glad that you point out problems I might have overlooked.

I have lot's of motives and motivation for the human. For instance she would keep up with Trixie at least for some time, because she is in a strange new world, hurt and exhausted and glad for some guidance, even if it is from an obnoxius unicorn.
(and no world domination or even staying in Equestria planned.)
The main theme for the story would be a clash of cultures. The sorceress comes from a place that is basically ancient rome with necromancers. I think that it pretty far from a world of friendship and harmony.

But of course you make a valid point for Trixie and her revenge. That has been done to death.
Thought it would be more fun than have the human just pop up somwhere outside of ponyville. Hmm... maybe ditch the revenge plot and have her crashland on Trixie during one of her shows. (there is a perfectly good reason why stuff like that happens to the sorceress.)

Hmm... will think about it some more. I am even still evaluating if it would be more intresting if the sorceress is transfromed into a pony along entering the world. (both concepts could lead to intresting scenes and conficts.)

Maybe I just write the first scene and see if people are intrested in my take on HiE when they read how I actually write it.
>> No. 88982

> Gah, now you have me comparing my story idea to the worst episode...

It's not my favourite episode either. No offence meant. I just saw one or two parallels.

> To be honest, I never developed it beyond "Scootaloo finds a new pony to look up to, Dash has to win her back." I suppose the main difference between this and MMDW is the fact that it's taking place on a more personal level.

It would do. RD admires Daring as well, so that'll hurt because she'll both identify with Scoots' admiration and feel betrayed by Daring for taking her spotlight. Did you want something drama-based, or will it be a pure comedy story?
>> No. 88992
It would have been a dramaedy, with how I write. When I set out to do a comedy, it gets twisted with drama, and visa versa.
>> No. 89020

Best way to do it, I think. You can't pass up the comedy potential, but the drama is what I'd read it for.
>> No. 89153
File 133101709640.png - (185.42KB , 500x414 , Lucas and Fluttershy.png )
Oh, while I'm thinking about it, I would really love to see a crossover fic with the Mother series, an adventure type thing. Basically, Equestria would be Celestia's Magicant and Twilight stumbles across a snatch of a melody that Celestia has been trying to remember. At first Celestia would be estatic that Twilight found it and would encourage her and her friends to find more, but as more and more of the song becomes complete she begins to feel uneasy for reasons she can't explain, getting to the point where she forbids the mane 6 from trying to find the last part.

Or something like that. I just wanna see a good Mother crossover fic, as well as an excuse to use this pic.
>> No. 89213
Put this in the last thread but didn't get any responses.
also, for the record, came up with this before the latest episode.

Basically, old friend of Zecora's, a Minotaur, come to ponyville to visit. During one of the perfectly normal, everyday occurrences in ponyville, a monster attacks. Twilight prepares to scare the monster off, until it turns out the Minotaur is a professional monster hunter and curbstomps the monster. He's about to finish it, when Fluttershy intervenes. Lots of conflict, effectively boils down to half of ponyville supporting monster hunting, half against it. Pretty rough, but that's what this thread is for.
>> No. 89229
Actually, one of the first fics I attempted (key word being attempted) was a crossover with the Mother series. Mother 3 specifically. However, I quickly lost interest interest in it. Also, that was back before I refined my writing style. I could try for a crossover with Mother again. Maybe not Mother 3, but maybe Earthbound? Simulating the quirky humor but meaningful storyline would be amusing...

Hell, I'll do it. And by Celestia I'll finish it. We do need a good Mother fic, and I want to try it out. Hey, there was another idea that I was trying to implement into a fic starring Pinkie Pie. That could be the perfect opportunity to swing it in a Mother direction, and introduce a cast of original characters reminiscent of the Mother games' casts. I could try to craft an entirely different world and environment, introduce a host of side characters... man, thanks a lot! I need to start up on this!
>> No. 89230
So, well, here was the plot I was envisioning before it became an Earthbound crossover (I guess it is now, isn't it?). So, Pinkie Pie awakens one day to discover all of her friends are missing. Naturally, her first reaction is to search all over Ponyville, before attempting unsuccessfully to cope with the disappearance. In basic, she realizes they aren't playing a trick on her, and eventually sets out to find them. In doing so, she adventures all over Equestria, meeting new friends and discovering entirely new places. I didn't have the ending planned out, but I guess I could try:

Alright, so perhaps--just perhaps--I have the entire fic echo the opening to the original Mother? All of her friends were kidnapped by Giygas for experimentation, and Pinkie has to find them; however, she doesn't know this at all, and for a majority of the fanfiction she's just exploring, trying to get some information. However, she slowly discovers new things about Equestria as she continues on, and we could see some familiar towns attacked by Giygas (i.e. A Moonside version of Manehattan [Maneside?], a Spookane rendering of Fillydelphia, etc.)? I could throw in some elements from all three Mother games, and I could have Pinkie make three friends which are similar to the main casts of all of the Mother games...

Of course, these are only really early notes, but I'm kind of getting excited about this. What does everypony else think?
>> No. 89239
I immediately feel worried about having a large part of the story just be Pinkie exploring. That would probably drag pretty quickly and bore readers.

I also don't know about trying to tie things too closely to the games themselves. I would maintain some more distance so that even people who aren't that familiar with the games would be interested in the story.

I guess, if I was writing this, I'd look at Silent Ponyville as a (admittedly loose) sort of model.
>> No. 89265
Ah, I was actually a bit tired when I wrote this up, so allow me to elaborate.

Well, I really do have a huge clean model out of the story, and I was planning to do it anyway. I thought if I could convert the basic plotline of the game (having to travel many different places in search of a sacred song), it would better the story as a whole. I originally planned for it simply to be Pinkie traveling across Equestria from town to town, working to solve a puzzle that would ultimately link back to her friends. It would be more like a Professor Layton type deal, in that there's an overlying mystery she must solve (the disappearance of her friends), and in order to actually solve it, she has to gather enough clues to reach a solid conclusion. However, because it's Pinkie Pie, most of the story would not be her exploring, but her wandering aimlessly to new towns until she finally reaches her trapped friends.

The main focus I wanted the story to be on was heavy character development for Pinkie Pie. The adventure to reach her friends would be grueling, and in some, she would be forced to abandon her silly attitude and face survival as it comes to her. Also, I wanted to add more background to Pinkie Pie herself; the story would feature several cameos from original characters from Pinkie's family (aunts, uncles etc.), and perhaps would delve into her life on the rock farm and why she left her original home in the first place. In the end, I wanted her to reach her friends, but she would discover that it was the adventure that she truly enjoyed, not specifically the goal. Yes, it would be fairly trite and reminiscent of the Odyssey, but if the adventure getting there was anything worth it, I believed it would be justified.

However, with the introduction of possible Mother elements, I guess it's set my mind abuzz with a host of new ideas. Firstly, I believe I could do with a main cast of at least three other original characters, and they would make up a MAGICAL CIRCLE OF FRIENDSHIP powerful force that would work as an almost auxiliary team; it would free the rest of the mane cast from their prison, and would actually work with them to help bring down Giygas, who is threatening to end all of Equestria. If not Giygas, then perhaps some other original enemy, but the idea would still be there.

But what I'd like to carry over the most is that theme of laughing in the face of evil; it was one of the largest themes of Earthbound (one of its most popular songs is actually called "Pollyana"), and it really just screams Pinkie. Therefore, I would want to try to mimic not the exact plotline of the story, but more the lighthearted theme of the game, the quirky humor, and the odd situations. While it wouldn't be the epic Mother 3 crossover I had planned with my previous fic, it would be a funny, perhaps refreshing fic, and I think if I play it right, I might have a lot of fun writing it. Also, I've needed a break from the constant drama I've been writing in my other fic, and I think that writing a comedy would be quite beneficial to my writing as a whole, as I would be able to fall back on the other one when I bore of writing this one.

Oh well. I've been looking for something like this for a long while. I'm definitely going to write it, and now's the time to begin planning, really. If anyone who's familiar with original game, or if you just feel the need to, feel free to toss a few ideas at me. I'll be willing to take them, and I'm ready to begin writing once more.
>> No. 89367
Hey guys, I need your help making sure a fanfic I want to write be original and not be accused as copypasta. To be frank, I hardly read fanfiction at all, but this epic crossover (which I think will be 20+ chapters, and I'm already in progress of writing) would be put to shame if it's just tossed in the bin.

Anyway, the basic premise is this, a BerserkXFiM crossover; the mane 6 are sent by Celestia to the Griffon kingdom as diplomats, and to discuss the matter of the rising cost of Kush, a common catalyst in Unicorn alchemy. Along the way, they battle numerous obstacles and bandits along the way (with references to Dark Souls) until they reach the kingdom, which is almost ready for war with Equestria. The mane 6 escape and on the brink of despair, with Rarity crippled beyond belief. Using the behelit given to her by a gypsy, Rarity summons the eclipse and becomes a Godhand/Apostle...you know the rest. Spike becomes a servant to Rarity, Twilight survives and heads to Equestria to warn Celestia about the impending army. She is too late, but Celestia is able to send her mind back in time to prevent the disaster. Unfortunately, Rarity finds out and sends Spike after her. Will history repeat itself?

If anybody can tell me if this has been done before, much appreciated.
>> No. 89369
Yes, it's been done before. I believe they called the story: Berserk. I hear it's really good.
>> No. 89370
Dang it. Sauce? I would like to know how close to the letter my premise is.
>> No. 89372
If you're
retellings of plot points aren't welcome, thanks for your humor. I apologize for saying
but I was hoping to hear about fanfics that cross with berserk, and their frequency of time-travel/rarity becoming god-emperor.

If you're already a judge here and saying I have no chance, I respect that. Just make it clear.
>> No. 89374
For the most part? I'm taking the piss. But what really sticks out about the initial post is the
that the reader knows what's coming, because he or she will be familiar with Berserk.
That doesn't work. If you want to do a successful crossover, you need to look more closely at the source material. Figure out the themes: the WHY and HOW instead of the WHAT and WHEN.
Then the story will still be 'familiar' to those who know the material, but new to all readers.
If you just want to replace character_a with pony_a, then give them a copy of the original book with a post-it that tells them to replace the name.
>> No. 89377
Thanks Doc, I really needed that daily dose.
>> No. 89644
This fag again, just gonna drop one more idea for you bronies before I swear off pony fanfic (the bar must pretty high here, I just wanted a writing exercise):

Derpy Hooves, after a mugging from a dope, begins to wig out at how other people take advantage of her...blind spots. She begins wearing an eyepatch to improve her self-image. At first it works, but eventually Pinkie Pie ruins it for her. A couple more embarrassing events later, Derpy has enough and throws a temper tantrum, using lightning clouds to terrorize Ponyville. The event, when all is said and done, puts Derpy in the hospital for Psychiatric evaluation.

Welp, I'm out. Hopefully once I'm done with at least one fanfic and get the hang of book dialog, I can finally write an original magnum opus.
>> No. 90245
Hey, all! Ok, I'm a first time writer, and my muse is upon me. Feel free to flee in terror. Anywho, I have an idea that I think is great, but I want some advice from, you know, actual writers.

So, my idea is a crossover of MLP with another established universe. I don't want to say what universe, as I kinda want it to be a surprise should you ever read it. Suffice it to say, it's well known enough on the Internet that it wont leave people TOO in the dark, but obscure enough that I don't think it's been done before. So far, sounds par for the course. Well, here's the hitch: the main character that would come from the OTHER universe, is an OC. In fact, his function in that world, his job, doesn't exist, so I would have no reference to point people to. So I know that I'd be fighting writing both a compelling narrative with him and the ponies, but also having to explain his backstory and existence. Is this too much? Would you not be able to accept it? Thanks!!
>> No. 90247
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You might actually want to tell us the details you left out. The whole point of this thread is to work out plot ideas.

"What type of restaurant are you opening?"
"One with food."
>> No. 90255
Meh, fine. Spoil sports... :P

It's a cross over with the web comic "Jack." If you've never heard of it: long story short it tells the story of the Grim Reaper. Only thing that might turn people off is its a furry comic. Before you start, I know. "WTF?!?! Furries in MLP?!?!" This is either a brilliant idea on my part, or the Internet is finally collapsing in in itself. Everyone keep an eye out for Rick Astley...

Anyway, the story is about a demon from Hell(as opposed to a demon from Kentucky) who comes to Equestria. He feeds off of innocence, so he starts wreaking havoc, in a world that has never seen TRUE evil, where bad things rarely happen, and it's been over a thousand years since a pony killed another in anger. But it wouldn't be just him slaughtering ponies. He corrupts them, kind of like the devil on your shoulder. Makes a pony commit some horrible act, then sucks the life out of them. Pretty quick the Mane Six and the princesses get wind of it and move to stop him. But, they quickly find that even their strongest spells, the power of the sun and moon, the Elements of Harmony themselves, do almost nothing to him. Not only is he from Hell, but the Hell from an entirely different dimension, one based of new rules, so magic has almost no effect on him. All seems lost...

In desperation, Celestia and Luna try the only solution they can think of, one so dangerous they only did it once, with disastrous effects. They cast a massive summoning spell, attempting to call forth a great warrior from the beast's realm, someone who can fight, and hopefully defeat this thing. And what do they get? The Nomad. A soldier who died in combat many years ago. His actions earned him his place in Paradise, but the powers that be saw the heart of a servant in him, so they offered him a job. He serves as Heavan's agent in Hell. Wandering the landscapes of the Pit, helping being souls to redemption, and fighting to keep the forces of evil in check. Armed only with two swords, some throwing knives, and a cynical view of life, he protects those who need it, and defeats those who would upset the balance. And so, yanked from the middle of his thousand year tour of duty in the land of torment, he is thrust into a land of seeming perfection plagued by an evil it does not deserve. Can he and the Bearers of the Elements stop this Abomination before it feeds on all of Equestria? Where did this thing come from? What do you do when friendship fails? How would the world react knowing the fate of all Creation lies in the hands and hooves of a giant fox in a leather overcoat and six pastel-colored talking horses?

And yeah, there you go. I have most of the major plot points planed out already. Characters we've only seen once in the show would play some semi-major roles. We'd have scenes with some of the main cast from Jack, namely Jack himself, Farrago, and a few surprises. I know it's not probably as well known as I first mentioned, but I think, with some help from y'all, it could be a gripping action/grim-dark story about the nature of innocence and redemption.

So, would anypony be interested in reading? I haven't even started, but I want to soon.
>> No. 90258
This is my first whack at pony fiction, and the first time I've written any fanfiction in several years (had an Ah! My Goddess fic that was 130k+ words). My first chapter is in MintyRest's queue where I expect it to get beat like a rented mule. I thought that in the meantime I could perhaps try to flesh out my overall outline and get a bit of feedback. Also, since I have not read all that many pony fics, checking to see if the idea's been done to death.

Start with Celestia and Luna on the moon, in magical stasis/sleep. They awaken to discover that they are alone in the huge palace they grew up in and their Mother is gone. The planet below is now green and alive, but they can sense that something is very wrong.

Note: The "Mother" element is going to be sort of the goddess of this world, but one which has left it to the care of her 'daughters,' even if they don't realize it yet. She leaves messages carved in rock for them to find over time, challenging them to become what they will need to be. Haven't quite worked out how it is she is not made known by Celestia and Luna, since obviously she's not canon to the show. Perhaps in her messages to the sisters she makes it clear that she, for whatever reason, doesn't want the world to know about her. (Need to work on this more)

They go down, searching for their Mother and the source of the world's brokenness/wrongness. They arrive (magically) in a tower which is in the lands ponies once lived in, but the land is covered in snow. They meet various species (yet to be determined, but I'd like reindeer in there somewhere) and discover that it was the ponies which iced the land. Not only that, but the ponies who are supposed to be regulating the day/night cycle are doing to erratically and ruining plant harvests.

Ponies, while not meant to rule over other races, were meant to be a sort of "blessing to all nations," for lack of a better term. Celestia and Luna are confused and a bit angry with the ponies (none of whom they've met at this point) and head to the new pony lands of Equestria to fix what they have done to the world and set the heavenly bodies aright.

When they draw near to Equestria, however, they begin to see that the ponies are suffering greatly themselves. Discord reigns, setting pony against pony, and creating great misery for his amusement. Think of what happened in "The Return of Harmony" as simply a warm-up, and had Twilight and the others not stopped Discord, it would have escalated from there.

Having realized that ponies are not the real threat, Celestia and Luna search for magical objects to defeat Discord (Elements of Harmony). After a struggle, calling up every ally and resource at their disposal, the sisters battle Discord and seal him away. But not before he plants a seed of discontent within Luna, one which no one recognized, but one which would grow and trigger another disaster not so many years later.

Wrap up is that Celestia and Luna realize that they are meant to rule over the ponies as loving, motherly guides. They take up the task of raising the sun and moon, and over time begin to mend fences with the other races of the world. Until Nightmare Moon comes, anyway.

tl;dr - Celestia and Luna come down, try to figure out the world, stop Discord, and save the day. Adventure and character growth (hopefully) abounds.

I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you think?
>> No. 90279
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I'm sort of a fan of Jack (although it's not really my thing, to be honest), and I think that the general crossover idea is cool. I'd modify the plot a lot, though. It irritates me to see characters come into the MLP world and be invincible or invincible-ish. It just comes across as too Gary Stu, even if the character is done well. And having this magical savior come in from outside to save the day, when all of Equestria is at risk? Nah...

I guess, if I was doing it, I would take the same structure, but make the initial bad guy more complex, more weak, more real, and maybe even more sympathetic. Perhaps this 'demon' is the afterlife of a human serial killer, someone horribly treated as a child and young adult for totally unfair reasons (maybe physical or mental disabilities) that grew up into a monster.

And, how, he's only got a narrow little piece of humanity left inside his outer horrible pony-x-furry body, yet he's close enough to a pony to 'pass' as a pony and seek out victims. It could be that he believes through murder he can finally seek peace, as well as be rid of his horrible body. Rather than have him threaten all of Equestria, I'd have it be something like 'Manhunter' or 'Silence of the Lambs' et cetera where the villain is on a serial killing spree that must be caught. He's like a cipher that blends in too well to pony society yet he's cursed to be outside it.

Nopony can find him, although the antagonist is mortal and can be hurt, and so they bring in this 'hunter' character that's just as scary and tortured as the monster they're trying to find. You see what I'm going at? I believe that Jack has dealt with some of this moral ambiguity before.

I personally think an evil pony in an understated *"Have you ever seen blood on the moonlight, Fluttershy? It actually looks..." He made a little chuckle, shifting his head to the side. "Black."* sense is even more terrifying than just another 'world ending supervillian'. See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivwSyacC8fs
>> No. 90285
I would read this.
>> No. 90287
Hmm, thanks for the insight. I truly am afraid of writing a Mary Sue. What abou this idea? The entity, is read of being a S'muz type thing, is inside someone. Like, my original idea, before throwing it out for being stupid, was it corrupts some young colt and possesses him. So, it's kind of like a multiple personality thing. The creature can't be hurt for the reasons I said before, but the boy can. So, it then comes down to does this child deserve this fate, with the only way of stopping this is for him to let himself be killed?

Dammit, if I write this now, I just gave away the damn plot! LOL
But I may just say screw it and steal your idea! :P A serial killer from the other world somehow finds a way to escape the Pit and ends up in Equestria. And then Heaven realizes the error, and dispatches Nomad to find him before he corrupts the world too much. For with every violent crime he commits(and they would be violent) the realm is opened up a little more to evil. If its not stopped, then more could come through, eager to spread misery and pain to an ideal world.
>> No. 90317
My concept is simple: I want to write about Dash, Fluttershy, and Gilda's days in flight school. "Flight Camp" is mentioned, but what about the actual school?

Did Gilda attend that same institution, why did she attend a pegasus school since as far as we can tell the griffon homeland is nowhere near Cloudsdale, how did she first meet Dash, how did their relationship develop?

So it's a GildaDash ship about their younger days. Thing is, I'm building almost totally from scratch here. Also, given how young Dash and Fluttershy were in the flashbacks, how comfortable am I with writing clop into this story?
>> No. 90323
>Only thing that might turn people off is its a furry comic.
>Only thing
No one's going to be turned off by how screwed up and disgusting and vile and violent it is, nope.

Even furries like to pretend this comic doesn't exist. This idea is somewhere near that pony centipede story from a while back.

Write what you want to write, but I do not see anything inspired by that webcomic as being Ponychan-appropriate material. I would heartily recommend writing your gripping action/grim-dark story about the nature of innocence and redemption about something else.
>> No. 90373
I don't really like the possession idea as much as I like the idea of a thriller film sort of thing about a non-magical pony-ish monster that gets hunted before it can harm too much. That way, you can play along the whole "the hunter becomes the same as the hunted" thing in which Twilight et al. take increasingly difficult, ethically questionable measures to stop this killer.

I guess, I'm saying that it could probably flow better as suspenseful, bad guy that's not so powerful but sly rather than magical, bad guy as eldrich abomination. I'd rather see stuff like:

{ Twilight calmly slid open the door, hooves delicately stepping over the piles of shattered glass and smashed wood. She paused, the moonlight dancing across the back of her sweat-filled head. "Intruder entered. 2am. Moved through kitchen," she said, forcing her voice into an emotionless monotone. She made her way across the carpet, her eyes moving along the streaks where hooves had carved down in way, towards the kitchen.

You have to remain objective, please. Think about what the princess said. "Intruder walked into the center of the house. It was now his house," she said. She took a deep breath, and she could almost feel her body turning into those horribly pale grey and yellow limbs of the killer. She could feel that same sensations he felt, knowing exactly what he had wanted. "He had control. He had the family, making them into his family. He was their god now."

Remain objective! Don't get too close! He glanced down over at the... the... children's room," Twilight muttered, starting to lose it. She jiggled her head. "But, no, he didn't care about them. He wanted miss Silky Smooth." She sauntered up the stairs, trying her best to relax. }

I'd rather have that then something like:

{ The demon let out a horrible laugh, sticking out his hooves once again. Every last one of the mane six stared at those horrible eyeballs popping out of his skin. Those little yellow eyes seemed to burn at them.

"Foolish mortals," the demon declared, it's voice booming through the hallway. The color drained from Celestia's face as she realized she was as powerless as a foal before him. }

I just think suspense makes for a better story, and less potential for a Gary Stu situation. It's more terrifying to have a realistic monster-ish pony that creeps along city alleys, where every shadow holds a danger, than the Batman-like supervillian that resists everything.

That sounds like a good story in which adding clop will just complicate it. I'd leave out the clop. Of course, it's your story, and you can write whatever you want. I just think that a more 'pure' (for lack of a better word) story would flow better.

There's a huge difference between contextual violence in the sense of driving a dark character story and a mere Cupcakes-style violence-porn story.
>> No. 90402
As I understand it, Furries really like Jack. David Hopkins has been a featured speaker at Anthrocon a few times.

And hey, if a pony version of Dead Space can make it to EqD, then I think I stand a chance.
>> No. 90403
And to somewhat up you at ease, I'm not planning to get into the whole "sex, gore, and violence" aspect of it. Well, a little violence. I plan on it having a Teen rating on FIM Fiction. I just want to use the characters, and I think it'd be interesting for the ponies to have to interact with someone from a world of violence.
>> No. 90404
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I've read lots of 'Jack' :)

The challenge you got there is, if it's poni it has to have REAL redemption. The best grimdark poni sets the ponies against despair and brutality and has them be EFFECTIVE against it. They can't just be steamrollered, they've got to be able to do their own fightin', you can't have a hero come who's a hero because he's cynical- or if he is, that's why he fails, and the ponies have to strengthen and inspire him, changing him.

An' NO musical holes. (don't ask!)
>> No. 90407
>No musical holes

Well, shit, there goes the climax!

:) But I think I may drop it all. This conversation has given me a much better idea...
>> No. 90415
This might sound unbelievably stupid, but here goes. I'm new to this.

My favorite MLP episodes are these where Ponyville is visited by some sort of villain (Trixie, Flim Flam Brothers, Iron Will) and the characters have to fight against it. What I'd want to do is create a villain, that, while it grows to the scale of Nightmare Moon and Discord, doesn't pose a threat to all of Equestria (although I've had an idea of a villain like that - one that would challenge the elements that the mane 6 represent.)

Anyway, the idea was Trixie's big comeback - or more really, the mane 6 invading her personal space. It would take place in Manehattan, where the main cast accompanies a good friend of Rarity who wants to make it big in the equestrian equivalent of Broadway. Once they arrive, though, they run across Trixie, who, claiming to have changed her ways, promises to help Rarity's friend climb the scales of fame.

Yet in their back, she's secretly plotting his demise, constantly venting how "she isn't going to let anyone steal the spotlight" from her and sabotages what was to be the poor guy's big chance, and effectively almost disgusts him of ever trying again. The main cast has to cheer him up and promise him to fight back and in the end, Trixie's sabotage is outed and she's exiled once again.

How's that sound?
>> No. 90422
File 133149142851.gif - (45.29KB , 200x157 , (My Little Pony) (1).gif )
>musical holes

Oh, dear Celestia, why did you have to remind me of that...
>> No. 90459
Because if I have to remember it, dammit so do you! :P

ANywho, I finally wrote my first chapter!


Albert Pomeroy, a violent serial killer from Earth finds his was into Equestria as a pony, and sets himself to share his "art" with a world that knows no violence. The authorities and the Mane Six are aided only by Detective Robert Barlow, the man who has been chasing after Pomeroy for years, who stumbled in after him. A lone human in a world of ponies, he must chase down and stop this madman.
It's kind of violent, but I'm aiming to handle it with at least SOME decorum. I'm aiming for a Teen rating when I post it to FIMfiction. Please let me know what you think!
>> No. 90583
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One thing I've noticed that tends to not be used in stories is body language. Now, I don't just mean "she glared" or "he stomped his hoof", but actual bits of body language used by real horses. For example, ears laid back to exibit anger or anxiety. To that end, I went and found this Wikipedia article ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse_behavior). Such attention to detail can add a fair bit of life to a story and helps to establish that you're writing a story with ponies (all-too often I can't help but imagine the characters in a story being humans). The only fanfics I can remember reading that made use of this was Administration is Magic and Fallout Equestria, so there's definetely a big hole to fill here.
>> No. 90603
K,so i have this fan fic im writing, and im wondering if you can review it real quick to see if i have good format so far

>> No. 90604
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This is the Story Forge, where ideas get feedback. Not formatting. You can ask Dracoliat in his thread. Here's a link to a list of more links: http://derpy.me/S1nFp

>looks at fic
>It's under two hundred words

Your spelling and grammar leaves a lot to be desired, I'm afraid. I'll take a sentence for example.

>One thing he wishes you to take note of is Miss Sweetie bell, whom is most frighted of the wolf soon be upon her home.
>One thing he wishes you to take note of is Miss Sweetie Belle, who is most frightened by the wolf soon be upon her home.
Corrected spelling, capitalized "Belle", changed "whom" to "who", changed "of" to "by", and took out a space.

You don't need to say "Chapter one - Sunshine" at the top when it's in your title. Likewise, usually letters open with an address, like "Dear Princess Celestia", and the closing and signatures don't have an extra space between them.

And DeviantArt is pretty bad for fics. Use Google Documents instead, since you get to control formatting there. And before you do that, put the fic in Microsoft Word or Open/LibreOffice so you get spellcheck.

Also, is your name spelled "Tuse" instead of "Tues" on purpose?
>> No. 90607
File 133154823720.png - (90.69KB , 400x285 , you get muffins.png )
But since I'm here, I might as well drop something off.

Years ago, they bullied her, made fun of her, took her lunch money and left her crying alone on the playground. Now, it's payback time.

Roseluck is... The Tax Auditor.
>> No. 90613
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Applejack and Carrot Top are business partners. They exchange portions of their crop and perform duties for each other on their respective farms - setting up traps for thieves, fixing fences, painting the barns, looking after livestock, and so on. They do each other favours, and a firm friendship has long since been established between them.

Then, one day, Carrot and her delivery mysteriously don't turn up on Sweet Apple Acres. When Applejack goes round to see what the holdup is, she finds to her alarm that Carrot is in the middle of a business deal with Cherry Jubilee!

Dun, Dun, DUUUUUN!

Applejack is betrayed and confused, Carrot Top is awkward and uncomfortable, and Cherry Jubilee is... well, friendly enough. It seems Jubilee is getting the carrots instead of Applejack. Carrot is selling out to the highest bidder.

However, when Applejack confronts her about it later, Carrot admits that Cherry is in severe financial difficulties and needs help, but is sworn to secrecy and refuses to say more. Last time Applejack checked, Jubilee's plantation was thriving...

What is really going on with Cherry Jubilee?

Interesting character mix? Mysterious enough to entice? Does it have plenty of potential?
>> No. 90616
Question! I want to write a Splinter Cell ponyfic and I'm having trouble deciding which pony would make a good Splinter Cell agent. I'm talking stealth, informational warfare, and probably some spellcasting. All signs point to Twilight Sparkle, but something about that feels a little off.

>> No. 90619
Well, if you don't want Twilight and are willing to give up spell-casting then you could go with Fluttershy, I guess. She's very quiet and the last one anyone would think capable of killing.

But what do you think feels wrong with Twilight?
>> No. 90654

That depends on what they're doing the spying for. Rainbow Dash strikes me as the go-to pony for action and adventure, and it's even shown in canon that she'll sneak around if she's motivated enough.

Have you considered who the enemy is that opposes them? This doesn't have to be an obvious villain - both times in canon (episodes 16 and 20 of the second season), the "enemies" were just reasonable guys who happened to be in the way of the hero's wishes.
>> No. 90696
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So, I have a story idea that I'm really excited about. When I was bouncing it off a friend, he brought up several potential problems with the story, and I wanted to see if you guys agreed.

The story revolves around a draconequus ("DQ") named Seth, after the Egyptian god of storms and chaos (in the story, he's an "ancient Zebra god"). Another DQ is introduced later.

Here's the very short summary:
1) Twilight finds a baby DQ in the forest. She names him Seth.
2) Seth grows incredibly fast, speaking and walking before he's two months old.
3) Twilight find out that DQ's have been "spawning" for all of recorded history. They appear when conditions are right for another "reign of chaos".
4) A DQ spawned in the pre-Equestria Homeland, and sparked the conflicts that led to the Exodus to Equestria.
5) A DQ hypnotized/manipulated the Princesses into fighting, which led to Luna's banishment. This event was not ideal enough to spawn a DQ of its own, but a previous one was able to make it work.
6) DQ's share most of their powers, but each has a special talent: Discord's is illusions, and the Homeland DQ can see the future and telepathically "whisper" to ponies.

Here's the objections my friend brought up:
1) Seth is the name of the EqD editor. If the semi-protagonist of my story is named Seth, that might be interpreted as pandering.
2) I'm introducing more DQ's into the MLP universe, which is somewhat controversial (compare "Past Sins," which added another Alicorn to the fanon. It's considered one of the most controversial fanfics, second to "Cupcakes.")

What do you guys think? Do these story points sound feasible? Do you think that it is would be as controversial as my friend fears?

Thanks for your feedback, guys!
>> No. 90779
I have another simple one, but it's a crossover so I suppose that'll turn a lot of people off from it.

Friendship: The Gathering.
Skyfall: Part 1 of the Harmony Cycle.

Twilight Sparkle has more than one kind of spark in her, it seems. Celestia summons Twilight and announces that she is dying, but that Equestria is nevertheless in good hands. As her beloved mentor breathes her last, Twilight's Planeswalker Spark ignithes.

Now the question is whether the other 'walkers should ponify themselves to blend in, or if they should be Humans in Equestria? I hate HiE generally but this one is almost forgivable.

As for a conflict... Phyrexians are just so last block.
>> No. 90795

Hm...I'm not familiar with the Magic universe, but "Planeswalker" implies she can "walk planes," i.e. Twilight can go wherever the Planeswalkers hang out. Thus, I think it would be better if the other Planeswalkers stayed Human or whatever.

...but I feel there's some bigger problems. What does Celestia die of? That all seems kinda sudden. Next, Celestia says that Equestria is in good hooves before she dies--but Twilight doesn't stick around to help out. She takes off to...someoplace else. That doesn't seek quite right to me. Finally, it's a crossover--unless you can make it REALLY good, I feel like you won't get a very big audience.

(I'm typing this on my iPad...it's learned the autocomplete for "Equestria" :] )
>> No. 90812

...by this point, you've probably written this fanfic or dropped the idea altogether. I thought I'd give you my two bits, though...

My knee-jerk reaction is that it would be really important to use the "D" word when talking about death. I recognize that you're writing to a more mature audience, but I think that's what the show would do.
When talking to kids, it's important to use proper terminology. If Grandma dies and you tell your kids she's "sleeping", for example, your kids might become afraid to sleep themselves. After all, Grandma fell asleep, and they put her in a hole in the ground!
For this reason, I would avoid saying that AB's parents are "in the clouds" more than once or twice, and you should definitely use the "D" word at least once.
>> No. 90813

Wow, I'm full of ideas today...

To me, this sounds a lot like a Deus Ex crossover. I feel like the need to incorporate the magic/steampunk element is diluting what your story is actually ABOUT.

As I read it, the fundamental conflict in your story is identity--since Sweetie Belle has been injured, who is she now? If that's correct, I would strip the steampunk and human elements, and focus on the story. Sweetie Belle can still get injured, but, instead of magic or steampunk prosthetics, she could get some very advanced ones (I'm thinking those carbon fiber ones for runners, the ones that look like paddles rather than feet), or, perhaps, a set of wheels. If you play it right, these can still be really expensive.

Another interesting idea would be to have her accident interfere with her ability to get a cutie mark--she needs to have her hip replaced with prosthetics, or burn scars cover the place where her Mark would go. With no cutie mark, how can she find out who she is?
>> No. 90815

If you want to do the thing with Sweetie Belle losing her cutie mark, you could perhaps have her think, for a bit, that her injuries have BECOME her cutie mark--maybe her injuries now define who she is.
>> No. 90824
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Well, I've decided to change it a bit around, although the concept is more or less the same.

The Mayor's daughter, Vehemence (about the same age as Twilight & friends), is heading to Steedttle, which is nearing its elections. She plans to follow in her mother's hoofsteps and get involved in politics, and what better way to do that than become the mayor of a big town? She's acoompanied, by request of the mayor, by Twilight and her friends - Pinkie is especially excited, considering it's a "new place to make new friends."

I want the story to start in Ponyville, but the decor will quickly switch to the bus ride to the big city. This is where we get introduced to the place: a nice place where the middle class and richer citizens live in peace. There is quite a lot of rabble in the poorer parts of the city; they are joined by edgy middle class teens, although they are too dumb and too poor to do anything other than vandalize homes every now and then.

We also get acquainted to the main villain, Two Cross, who is supposed to be a bit older than the main cast. He starts out as a mere student moving to Steedttle on his own, but when he hears about the scum that acts as a gangrene on the town, he gets interested.

The story basically keeps with what you'd expect: Twilight and Vehemence advance the story, the rest of the mane 6 explore the city together, and Two Cross gains the trust of the rabble after he thinks up of a "master plan."

The ballot finally arrives and through cunning, Two-Cross rigs the votes and becomes mayor almost unanimously, to everyone's surprise. He then decides to let crime run wild, basically turning the place into Arkham City.

Unaware of the whole play, Vehemence is devastated, genuinely believing she's a terrible person for letting it happen.

Twilight and her friends investigate and near the climax, they finally find out about the gig. They reassure Vehemence and all together, they go confront Two-Cross. Things happen and eventually they leave him alone to have a heart to heart with the street scum, whom he just basically sold out. Vehemence becomes mayor, Twilight and friends head back home after a photo shoot, bringing back all sorts of souvenirs.

I want it to be similar to a two-parter sort of musical, so expect songs in it. I've already gotten started on a few character themes.

"Dreams'll come true" is Vehemence's number; she sings about how she's gonna be the mayor, loved by everyone, helping all she comes across. Gets a reprise in the middle of the story, when TC gets all of the votes and wins.

For TC, I frankly don't know. It's obvious he needs a villain song, but what kind?
I'm stuck between a villain recruitment song where he convinces all of the edgy teens to join him and aid him in becoming mayor, or sing one once he is the sit-on-his-flank-and-do-nothing-mayor. I've begun writing the first one, "Thanks To Me". I think it could get a nasty reprise when he wins the ballots, where the scum busts in and scares every single citizen there.

"This Is The Place" is sung by the Mane 6 when they arrive in Steedttle. It's just a way to lighten up the atmosphere right before TC and his goons sing Thanks To Me.

"Our Paradise" is sung by the goons, Twilight, and TC under his rule. It's a short song, but it's supposed to depict how bad life is in the new Steedttle.

I'd love feedback, but somehow I'm not getting the feeling it's going to be very good. Posting it anyway.
>> No. 90827
...it doesn't seem like your story has a whole lot to do with the mane 6.

If that's the case, I think it might be better for you if you wrote it as a regular, non-pony musical. You might even be able to get it produced if you do that.

Also, "Vehemence" sounds really negative. I would choose a different name for your protagonist.

Finally, why not call it "Steedattle", with an "A" in there. I think it sounds better than the slightly-awkward "Steedttle".
>> No. 90851
The mane 6 really starts playing into the story by the moment TC is elected. Before that, they act as comedic relief, and after, they just start to have this big investigation, House-like thing going on.

Having it be non-pony would probably make it more popular, but I would have to create an entire new universe, establish its own lore, etc. Which is not a bad thing, but for a first project it seems a bit heavy
>> No. 90868

I don't know what, exactly, you have planned--but you could always use OUR universe. No need to reinvent the wheel, methinks.

Also: It seems a little far-out for a complete newcomer to a town to have a hope of winning the mayorship of a big city. If possible, I would make her have some roots in Steedttle--maybe she's originally from there, and knows the issues they're facing, etc, and went off to college or something?
>> No. 90901

Celestia dies because all Planeswalkers experience the awakening of their power from a near-death experience or a life-shattering event. Often, the spark ignites in order to save the owner's life. So that's why Celestia dies.

Chandra Nalaar accidentally brings down the Inquisition upon her home village, whereupon they slaughter everyone she's ever known, and her spark ignites as the mob surrounds her. Twilight, I suppose, learns that the fate of her world rests entirely on her as the armies of whatever-the-conflict-may-be attack.

Truthfully, I only thought of this because of the terms "Planeswalker Spark" and "Friendship: The Gathering." Also, because Equestria being a plane that the Planeswalkers can visit seemed an obvious take on the Equestria-as-alien-planet a lot of crossovers use, i.e. the Tardis comes to Equestria, the ODST come to Equestria, Goku comes to Equestria, etc.
>> No. 90923

...still don't get it.

If Celestia's not a Planeswalker, what does her death have to do with anything? It's not Twilight's near-death experience, after all...

Unless the stress of her death causes Twilight to "Spark?" or did they almost-die together?
>> No. 90925

It seemed like an obvious tragedy to inflict on Twilight.

It also makes Twilight look the "chosen one." Maybe Celestia gives her life protecting Twilight, or maybe she actually passes on her powers to the new rightful ruler.

Celestia doesn't have to die, but it seems to fit in my mind.
>> No. 91103
Reporting from thread I bad because, like the idiot I am, I didn't read the sticky. Sorry Ion.
does anyone else remember these, at the turn of the millennium?
When the LotR movie came out, and lo, a flood of bad fanfic and Legolas fangirls descended upon ff.net? And so was born the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth, by Camilla Sandman, where badfic writers went to learn the proper ways of the Canon.
The creation of spinoff OFUs got really popular for a while, encompassing everything from anime to Conan Doyle; maybe even including (ugh) Ponyland, but that was long ago in the misty aeons in the time Before Faust.
I was just recallinng these good old days, and thought it would be fun if someone wrote a FiM one. Then I realized it would pretty much be an HiE, shipping version of Tales of the Winter Magic Academy, so I went and got drunk instead. Anyone else have other thoughts?

If you want a link, OFUM can be found at http://www.misssandman.com/LOTR/ofum.html. A familiarity with LOtR canon, including the Silmarillion, is advised but not mandatory.
>> No. 91137
File 133181373044.jpg - (66.60KB , 636x354 , 'Bud dat ish whayudu when nopohie'sh awoun, shish!'.jpg )
Apple Bloom is impressed by her sister's exploits, and decides that she wants to be like her big sister. Since Applejack is the representative of the Element of Harmony, Apple Bloom reasons that her sister must be truthful at all times, so Apple Bloom should be honest too. She vows to put it into action the next day.

Then she has a day that's out to get her:

1. Apple Bloom realizes she hasn't done her homework for Cheerilee. Does she admit she hasn't done it, or blame it on her chores (which she doesn't have)?

2. Twilight happens to have chosen that day to try and make her own dress, inspired by Rarity's devotion to her job and wanting to try something different "to broaden her horizons" and appreciate Rarity's work. The trouble is that it's clearly horrible and Twilight is excessively pleased with herself for making it. When asked, does Apple Bloom give an honest answer or flatter her?

3. Apple Bloom tries to buck some trees for Applejack when nopony is around, but ends up destroying them by accident. Later, when Applejack and Big Mac are worrying about apple thief vandals and ask her if she saw anything, does she confess or spin a yarn?

4. Sweetie Belle is trying to avoid Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, who have heard that she has a new hairstyle (butchered because Scootaloo was attempting to be hairdresser). Sweetie Belle tries to hide out in Carousel Boutique, having told Apple Bloom what's going on, and soon afterwards Apple Bloom is confronted by the gruesome twosome, who ask her where Sweetie Belle is (in innocent-sounding voices that deceive nopony). Does Apple Bloom say, or does she try to throw them off the trail by lying?

5. (Alternative to 2) Pinkie Pie wants Apple Bloom's opinion of her stand-up comedy act. Apple Bloom has never seen anything so cringeworthy, but Pinkie's giving her the puppy dog look. Tell the truth or lie to keep Pinkie happy?

6. Minor one: Fluttershy accidentally lets a mythological monster run wild around Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack and Big Mac help in roping it down so Fluttershy can calm it, but it's one scary beast. While Granny Smith and Apple Bloom watch from the sidelines, Granny notices Apple Bloom shaking and asks if she's OK. Admit cowardice or put on a brave face?

I'm not sure what direction to take or how to end it. Should Apple Bloom start by lying, but become braver and end by telling the truth all the time? Or should she tell the truth from the beginning, but find it increasingly more difficult until she just lies by the end of the day?
>> No. 91145

...holy crap--SEVEN multi-posts? That's quite a feat...

I think the answer to your question depends on what you want your story to be ABOUT--what are you trying to say? Is there a specific moral that you want to talk about? If you can figure that out, I think that would help you tremendously--it would make it easier to figure out the ending, and would also give your story a sense of direction--at the moment, your idea sounds...unfocused. If you have an idea of where you want to go, then it would be easier to link all these stories to form a coherent plot.
>> No. 91147
P.S. Sorry about the multiple posts after this one. These aren't dumb attempts at spamming.

I posted the original 91137, but the thread didn't bump and when I looked at "search /fic/ threads" and clicked on the icon for the thread, the thread came up without my post at the bottom. After a few attempts with the same result, I thought there must be something wrong with my original post, so I changed the Subject, Message, and File. Didn't fare much better.

I only know now because I used the page number hyperlinks at the bottom and found the page that way. I loaded the thread and refreshed the page, and lo, there were all my posts.

Sorry for the inconvenience. Just ignore everything between this post and 91137.

In case you're wondering about the Subject, I was originally going to put "I derped".
>> No. 91149

I think I was going for a poke at the idea that "we should all be honest, then everything would be better" and trying to think of situations where lying, or at least "not-being-totally-honest", might be called for, or at least at situations where someone would lie in real life (avoiding homework responsibilities, denying one's own fear, covering for a friend etc.). It was a cross between moral exploration and plugging for some comedy.

After a bit of thought, I like the idea of Apple Bloom having no problem cheerfully telling the truth about things at first ("Ah'm a changed filly!"), or even being complimented for it, before she starts seeing the social risks she's taking and starts to crack under pressure near the end.

It would be Apple Bloom, because having Applejack try the same seems a bit out of character - Applejack's already been established as either bluntly honest or a hopelessly lousy liar. Being AJ's sister made Apple Bloom a fallback option, but then Apple Bloom has deliberately lied and twisted things to suit her purposes, and that's a potential source of conflict. I wouldn't mind probing this side of her character.

I think if I was aiming for a moral, it would be either "going from everyday honest/dishonest to 100% honest simply isn't feasible, and you can't rush it" or "there might be times when you have to lie in order to avoid something worse", but I'm not sure which one.
>> No. 91157

I'm not gonna lie, I don't really like either of those morals, as they go against the established message of the show.

The message of the show has always been about the need to be honest at all times: most recently, "The Last Roundup" talked about the need to be honest and straightforward with your friends, even when it's hard. Having a story that talks about the exact opposite message (it's OK to not be perfectly honest sometimes) doesn't sit well with me.

I feel a better moral might be something along the lines of "Being honest is sometimes really hard, but it's still important." Perhaps you could have Applebloom start telling lies, then see it all come crashing down? I dunno.

Either way, I'm only one voice. Do what you feel.
>> No. 91168

I'm always impressed when the show does more than simply put up a simple moral. One of my favourite episodes was Green Isn't Your Colour, because of how it handled the secret-keeping and the resentment and yet came out with a good message about being honest with your friends. But it also raised interesting questions, like whether it would have been better if Twilight had intervened some other way rather than sit back and let the two of them stew over a misunderstanding.

I was trying to go for something that jabs at the overly idealistic notion that simply being honest (brutal honesty, being a blabbermouth, being honest even when it's stupid) is always a good idea. I'm not trying to justify lying or twist it to sound acceptable. Take, for instance, the one about Pinkie Pie's stand-up:

Obviously, it would be best if AB was just honest and told Pinkie what she thought so that Pinkie could improve the act, but AB fears upsetting Pinkie in the process. AB takes the option of pretending to like the stand-up, which makes Pinkie happy but also gives Pinkie unwarranted confidence, so that when she does it publicly later everypony gets embarrassed on her behalf, leaving AB feeling incredibly guilty. AB could later learn from Granny Smith and Applejack that there are ways to be honest while still taking care of others' feelings.

Overall, I was trying to capture a realistic angle, and also a take on how AB takes such a literal and naive view of being honest that, for example, she comes to the conclusion that ponies being polite are just lying in a respectable way. That's the angle I was trying to get at with my proposed morals about honesty not always being the best policy.

I think I garbled it at some point, though. I like your moral better. It makes more sense and keeps the realism while not taking a cynical view of honesty.
>> No. 91179

That re-phrasing of your moral makes a lot more sense--"there are ways to be honest while still taking care of others' feelings." That one seems like a good one to me.

I'm not sure if you can make it apply to the other incidents, though. Definitely Pinkie Pie, and maybe Sweetie Belle's haircut, but I don't think it'd work for the others.
>> No. 91190

Great! I'll take that moral. I'll have to think up some better examples more in line with it, so I'll go and do a bit of brainstorming.

I'll be honest - I'd just thought up those specific examples not too long before posting, as a premise equivalent of a beta version. I was going for "situations where one might find it very difficult to be honest".

Thanks for the input!
>> No. 91205

You're very welcome. If you're feeling generous, my post hasn't gotten any attention yet...

>> No. 91230

1) Change Seth's name. I like the idea you had (I know I've heard of Seth before, probably from Shin Megami Tensei) but there's already a well-known Seth in the fandom. I guess it's our own in-fandom One Mario Limit.


2) Celestia refers to Discord as "a draconequus." Hear that indefinite article? There's a difference between "a draconequus" and "the draconequus," so it can be assumed there's more than just one. If you can make it good, you've got an interesting hook.

But still, you mentioned "Past Sins." This sounds a lot like that... I've never read that story, but I feel like people would instantly think of this as "Past Sins with a draconequus" just by the summary.

Still, if you're excited by the idea, then write it. Fanfiction is about having fun.

Oh, and before I press reply, I had a random thought. Twilight took care of Nyx in "Past Sins." But suppose Pinkie finds your draconequus? If they have natural powers to cause chaos, we already know Pinkie enjoyed Discord's antics. She could see this as an opportunity to teach the young draconequus about how to have harmless fun, but runs into opposition because everypony knows about Discord and thinks that any draconequus would be dangerous...

I don't know. It's your story.
>> No. 91262
File 133187268539.jpg - (499.61KB , 2120x1536 , Seth.jpg )
>2) Celestia refers to Discord as "a draconequus." Hear that indefinite article? There's a difference between "a draconequus" and "the draconequus," so it can be assumed there's more than just one. If you can make it good, you've got an interesting hook.

You know, I once had that exact same idea based of that exact same thing.

Never got around to doing anything with it though.

>(I know I've heard of Seth before, probably from Shin Megami Tensei)

>> No. 91269

>But still, you mentioned "Past Sins." This sounds a lot like that...

...in that Twilight finds and semi-mothers a former enemy. Yikes, I'd forgotten about that.

>But suppose Pinkie finds your draconequus?
That could work, but I wanted to have a more mature take on the story than what Pinkie would allow. In addition, Twilight, as the mother figure, plays an important role in discovering who he is, via extremely thorough research. I don't see that working if she's not the one mothering Seth--I just don't t honk she'd care enough.
Besides, I have a role for Pinkie Pie already. She and Seth are going to play together, but things go wrong, of course.

Incidentally, I chose the name Seth because the Egyptian Seth was the god of Storms and Chaos, the "Storms," in particular, becoming a major plot point. Any ideas on an alternate name?
>> No. 91288
File 133189842142.jpg - (34.26KB , 220x265 , HappyDerpy.jpg )

Sure! One good turn deserves another, as they say.

I don't have any objections to the idea of a draconequus appearing that isn't Discord. All the same, that draconequus is going to need an engaging personality if he's going to hold my attention. Perhaps make him unusually shy, like Flutters, or prone to angry outbursts when he can't control his temper (and like Twilight he needs to learn to handle his power surges). He can't be just a bland plot device.

The other thing it might be worth doing is giving some grounds for Twilight to accept him at all. Remember, she nearly lost her town, her old life, and her best friends to the last (and only) draconequus she encountered, so she'd better have a good reason to look past his species and treat him as not-an-enemy. She might, for instance, read that Discord was a god who happened to look like a draconequus, and that the animal he represented can be found naturally. It could even be that pony belief gave Discord his shape - historically, ponies looked upon the draconequus as strange beings, and used them as symbols of Discord. So when the personification of Discord appeared for them, he adopted the guise.

It doesn't have to be this idea specifically, but you see what I'm trying to do?

I'm guessing your reference to the Homeland is the Windigo incident? This idea of DQs being harbingers of chaos looks interesting, and I think my only real objections are along the lines of "this idea is incomplete" rather than "this idea isn't good". For instance, what are these conditions? Do the DQ appear when ponies are in conflict, or does the chaos just arbitrarily pick a moment to strike? Is this chaos sentient or even sapient?

I'm guessing you'd prefer to keep all DQs as personifications rather than have them as mundane species (as I suggested), but in that case you're really going to have to justify Twilight's actions. Did she read an erroneous book? Are there two kinds of draconequus, and she got them confused? Or however you prefer her to come to the conclusion that "Seth" is safe.

As for the DQ that got both Princesses fighting...

This is going to open up a can of worms. I suppose you could work it so that Luna's envy of Celestia, combined with her supermagical abilities, gave an opening for a DQ (lack of harmony between the sisters plus powerful source of magic), and that Celestia destroyed the DQ before being forced to banish NMM to the moon when Princess Luna failed to be revived from the spell (faulty Elements of Harmony? Were the elements not strong enough to heal NMM after the DQs defeat?)?

I like the special talent for each DQ - I can see the cutie mark parallel. Roll with it; this sounds like a great way to diversify the DQs.

Now for the objections you brought up:

1) I think the more pressing issue is how badly the name fits canon. References to Egyptian gods or even to Ancient Greek ones (I've got "Eris" in my head) might be clever, but this kind of reference rarely happens in canon. Aren't there any synonyms of Discord you could use? Better still, if Twilight thinks he's tame, you could give him an ironic name that means the opposite of discord (not accord, though. It sounds off).

2) I'd ignore any knee-jerk reactions to the introduction of a draconequus and just try to make it work as any other character. I tried my hand at a fanfic recently with a whole bunch of alicorns in it - a whole elite squad of them (it was a Celestia-as-protagonist story, so I needed a decent set of foes). The trick I think is not to make them special (then, you get Mary Sues) but to make them interesting so that their species just happens to be a perk rather than an excuse to show off the character.
>> No. 91305
File 133191571176.png - (233.89KB , 830x467 , 830px-TwilightSpike_Shock.png )

Holy cow, that's quite a reply. Let me answer your questions, and you guys can see if this sounds reasonable.

>...that draconequus is going to need an engaging personality if he's going to hold my attention.

I haven't started writing him yet, but I've been envisioning Seth as self-conscious and unsure of himself. He doesn't quite know who he is, or what he's supposed to do. In short, he's struggling with identity issues. To me, that seems compelling enough.

>The other thing it might be worth doing is giving some grounds for Twilight to accept him at all.

Twilight believes that Seth is NOT Discord, despite what the other ponies think. Initially, she thinks that they can raise him to be good (as opposed to evil); as time goes on, though, she develops a maternal attachment to him.

>For instance, what are these conditions [which spawn a DQ]?

Whenever a situation is brewing that gives a good oppurtunity for chaos, a DQ spawns. For example, the Hearts and Hooves day couple abandoned their royal duties, and all it would take to plunge the country into chaos was a slight nudge. Hence, Discord spawned.
I was envisioning this as more of a natural consequence than anything: for example, excessive snow in the winter leads to flooding in the spring. On a similar note, potential for a conflict brings chaos.

I should note that conditions leading up to the fight between the Princesses were not good enough to spawn their own DQ, but a previously-spawned one was able to make it happen regardless.

>As for the DQ that got both Princesses fighting...

Your question here seems to be, HOW does this take place?

The way I was envisioning it, one of the DQs can "whisper" to ponies, i.e., plant suggestions in their minds. Not a full-blown hypnosis, mind you--just "suggestions." This particular DQ is very, very good at it though.

I was planning on just describing the incident in passing, as this DQ is describing her powers. In her words, "A few drops of poison in the Moon Princess's ear was enough to drive her to madness; a few more drops in the Sun Princess's ear nearly drove her to fratricide." (Is there a specific word for killing a sister, as opposed to a brother?)
Due to the nature of the "whispers," neither Princess realized they were being manipulated.

>I think the more pressing issue is how badly the name fits canon.

I know I asked if I should switch the name, but the name is actually really important to the story. "Eris," the Greek goddess of discord, already has a place in the fandom; I was going to expand on that a bit to try and make it reasonable for me to use "Seth."

As far as "Seth" goes, Twilight has a book of mythology in her library. She identifies Seth as an "ancient Zebra god," and shows a ponified Seth drawing to the others.

...I don't know if that makes it any better, but that's what I was planning on.

Does this all make sense?
>> No. 91306
File 133191917388.jpg - (83.39KB , 500x500 , tumblr_laygaszgpT1qdas6ko1_500.jpg )
And, for the record, I have a concrete idea of what event will spawn Seth, but I don't want to share it.

>> No. 91327

I like to be thorough. ;-D

Being "self-conscious" and "unsure" is a good starting point, but I won't sugar-coat this: it's bland. You need to add some flavour to him before I can call him interesting. Is he "spicy" or "sweet", "sour", "bitter", "nutty", "vinegary", "too hot to handle" or "chilly"? If he's going to be the focus character, you're essentially saying "there's a good reason you should pay attention to him". Think of the diversity of the mane cast, Discord's surreal sense of humour, Luna's nightmare-themed hamminess, and Spike's snarkiness. They're engaging characters because they have these distinct flavours, or personality quirks. And also because we love to watch how they interact with other ponies, how they display their emotions, what they say, how they say it, who they poke fun at, and when they're socially awkward or highly confident of themselves. Stuff like that.

As for the Twilight question; Twilight's the investigative kind, to be sure, but if she's going to be trusting a species whose hitherto only-confirmed member caused so much damage, she's going to start off as suspicious at least. Perhaps she does a little research into DQ's (not enough to wreck your plot twist, but enough to get her to be more open-minded when she eventually meets another one). Perhaps Cheerilee reveals how she knew so much about it (her sources of information).

OK, the name issue is fair enough. I retract my comment for that. The show has used "Ahuizotl", "Tartarus" and "Cerberus" quite openly, so there's precedent for mythological names. That said, I don't have an objection to the name but it might be worth introducing it at the same time you introduce the explanation behind it. You wouldn't put it in the synopsis and make would-be-readers wonder where it came from. That sort of thing can be off-putting.

Everything else seems fine to me.

Hope that helps?
>> No. 91745
During one of my most coherent dreams from a while back I envisioned FiM the Movie. Recently, after talking with some people they thought it's elements could make a good story, so I'm asking you to help fill in the gaps from dream memory. Here's what I can recall and then some problems:
* The plot revolves around the mane six being asked to transport a princess. most of the story taking place in a colorful woods, obviously not the Everfree (or maybe further in than ever)
* The villain is a trickster arch-type. My mental image is basically Spitfire with a white coat.
* The villain has one of those magic cisterns to watch the mane six as they enter his territory. His scheme involves 'washing off their cutie marks.' I believe it was in part to destroy their identity. He also gets a solo conference with Rarity, in an attempt to get her to leave the team. And It works, for a while at least. They eventually outwit him, because they don't have the Elements with them.
Now for the flaws:
* The princess. Who is she? I really don't have much of an idea about her. Where is she going and why? Is it to the zebra lands? Is she a zebra?
* The villain. Congrats mind, you had an idea almost identical to Discord! (this was preseason 2, actually) While he's definitely not as powerful, he's more localized and likes to screw with people rather than abundant chaos. Obviously not a pony either, but does take the form of one.

And that about does it. Sorry for just showing you guys fragments of a story, but some people thought it has potential and I'd like to see where it could go.
>> No. 91796

...yeah, that's a Discord story.

It sucks (that's happened to me, too) but unless you can come up with another villain/plot device, I don't think you can really proceed. The stories are simply too similar for you to have any credibility (your villain will be accused of being a Mary Sue within seconds).

Sorry, but it has to be said.
>> No. 91811
File 133218616203.gif - (209.51KB , 465x355 , 7e7_jpg.gif )
Looks like we might be getting an unofficial fandom-made episode, folks.


If this becomes a reality, do you guys think us /fic/tioneers should make our own pitch? With all of the great writers here on /fic/, why, I do believe we could very well get a story made into an animation!

I suppose the main problem would be getting into the MLP-episode mindset after reading so many piss-poor grimdark fics for the last few months ;p.
>> No. 91818
New thread:



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