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File 133088449856.png - (17.32KB , 428x282 , Roger Ebert.png )
88704 No. 88704
#Reviewer
Yeah, we're doing this again. After a long hiatus, too. But this time, things are going to be a bit different.

I'm not going to go too in-depth in critiquing your concept. I'll comment on it, sure, but I'm really not the best with concepts.

What I will review, however, is your prose and dialogue. And I will review that in-depth.

So here's how this is going to work. You are going to make a post in this thread if you want a review. You are going to include the following things:

>Name of Fic
>Author's name
>Brief description
>Tags (Note: I don't review shipping stories. Sorry.)

If your story is long (Over 30 pages), I'll give an in-depth of a chapter or two or three. I really don't have much time on my hands, so this is a measure to insure that I don't get swamped, especially with the level of depth I'm going to go into with the prose.

So, how m I going to deliver your review? Simple. I'm going to copy+paste your fanfic into a google doc, and leave comments. A lot of comments. I'll nitpick every little detail and phrasing.

I shall also provide an abstract in the same post as the google doc link, so you can get an overview of what you need to fix (if anything) before diving into the more nitpicky stuff. .

So. Hit me with some review fodder, ponychan.
Unspoiler all text  • Expand all images  • Reveal spoilers
>> No. 88711
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88711
Great to see you back, Mask. Not sure how much you've missed out on, but any and all help in the TTG is greatly appreciated. If you're bored, feel free to drop by and poach a review from there.
>> No. 88713
>>88711
Since I've been gone for so long...

What exactly is the TTG?
>> No. 88717
Okay, new thread. Let's put you through your paces:

Making Things Write

Author: MegaTank
[Normal][Adventure]

Synopsis: Synopsis: Behind every great book is a great writer. Almost everypony knows of the intrepid adventures of Daring Do, but few know the truth about her creator.

This is the story of Opal Parchment, a young mare trying to finish the last Daring Do adventure before it's too late. Her quest lands her in Ponyville, where Opal gets the unexpected help of two of her biggest fans.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PsPsQxQ1FoOuYfiyKH6sAiaP_CTp7ZQIDQJurN66LhM/edit

glhf
>> No. 88718
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88718
>>88713
>the TTG
>> No. 88719
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88719
>>88718
Heh, Ion did it too.
>> No. 88721
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88721
>>88713
The training grounds, essentially a melting pot for reviewers and writers.

>>88719
>pic
>> No. 88729
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88729
>>88721
That's no way to earn admittance to heaven!
>> No. 88733
>>88729
http://youtu.be/h9Y606R5RJs
>> No. 88734
>>88717
I'm working on this one now, and should have it done fairly soon.

If you would like to view the process (for some reason,) here's a link to the doc I'm using.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yc_0OP_rviBlViT_NyaNobdMsvPswUPORcMjDUNbu8I/edit
>> No. 88735
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88735
>>88733
Out with the old; in with the new.
>> No. 88736
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88736
>>88735
>> No. 88738
And I must pause my review, since I need to go and do something.

I'll be back in a few hours.
>> No. 88739
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88739
>>88736
I'm not sure I fully understand this picture. "HA HA HA!" mostly sense, but the "Oh, wow" confuses me a bit. Is it sarcastic laughter or genuine mirth? Is the character offering a toast? If so, to whom? Also, is that a jewish caricature?
>> No. 88740
>>88739
It's le capitaine Haddock from Les Aventures de Tintin, a French comic book series.
>> No. 88741
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88741
>>88739
>"HA HA HA!" mostly sense
I'm so confused that I'm forgetting words!
>> No. 88744
Well, I'll go ahead and post my story one last time before putting it through some final editing checks.

A Cloud Divided
Dromer

[Grimdark][Sci-fi]

Synopsis:
Recent advances in the study of Equestrian history have lead to a breakthrough series of discoveries regarding the world before the era of the three tribes. The story of Equestria as we know it begins with the fall of the Western Powers, a cataclysmic chain of events set into motion by the ancient predecessor of Cloudsdale's re-enternce into the world stage, due to the war known to the ponies on the ground as the War of Southern Treason, but known to the Pegasus of Cloudsdale as the War of Cloudsdale's Division.

Folder: https://docs.google.com/#folders/0B4NYINW8ltDEMDhjMTI4OWUtNjJjYi00NWRhLTg5M2ItZGUyZDhlODZlMzNl

What I'm concerned about is: Framing, dialogue and phrasing (why I'm submitting it here), and the pony names. I need better puns for the pony names. Finally, I'd like to know your opinion on whether I should split the first chapter in half since it's twice as long as the others.

It's much longer than thirty pages, so feel free to stop wherever you deem necessary. Comments are enabled on the docs, so feel free to comment on them directly.
>> No. 88767
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88767
>>88717
This one is... Eh. The premise is okay, I guess, but there's a bunch of inconsistencies and OOC moments. These bad parts are compounded by a wooden writing style.

Overall, it's a C. Not good, not bad, just... incredibly "meh."


For further analysis, have a look at the comments left in the good doc here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yc_0OP_rviBlViT_NyaNobdMsvPswUPORcMjDUNbu8I/edit
>> No. 88769
>>88767

"okay"

Now my enthusiasm's all dried up. Maybe I'll do something about it tomorrow...
>> No. 89889
Are you still planning on reviewing my story? You've made a few comments on the doc a few days ago, but you haven't continued since. Just wanted to check in, and make sure that you haven't dropped off the side of the Earth.
>> No. 90330
>>89889
It should be noted that I've requested a second reviewer, Mintyrest, to review my work in your absence. I'd still like to hear your opinion, but just be aware that there may be unresolved comments made by Minty on the doc.
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