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88860 No. 88860
#Single fic #Normal #Sad
Hey guys, don't know if I'm doing this right at all, but I made a fanfic after listening to some depressing music. This is the first one I've ever done, and first post I've made, so apologies if it's out of place.
This is pretty sad (at least for me) so if you have a light heart I wouldn't advise reading it.

It was an overcast day in Ponyville, a gray haze
hanging on the horizon. The roads of the town were empty, there were no markets open, nor a filly in the playing on the street, nor a pegasus in the sky. The breeze blew calmly over the fields of grass, carrying with it a letter riddled with ink, the writings of one certain unircorn. The gust brought the letter to the ground, settling the paper down easily under an apple tree. The letter read,
"Dear Rainbow Dash, I'm sorry I haven't been writing as much as I used to. I've been busy attending matters which the Princess can't trouble with. I hope you understand. Remember so long ago when I would stress for ages on the smallest issues concerning Celestia? Ha, you should see me now, with all this responsibility on my shoulders. I'll admit at times, I think of what you would do in my shoes, and what Pinkie would do, and Applejack, and Rarity, and Fluttershy. It helps me a lot, and I still miss you guys. I heard Rarity got named best designer in all of Equestria! Isn't that amazing? I'm glad to hear she's doing well away from home, but I wonder if she still thinks of us...The things we did together, the sights we saw, the lessons we learned. I think of Applejack in Appleoosa, and wonder the same thing. I think of how Pinkie and Shy are doing back in Ponyville, at least they get to support eachother still. I think of Spike, and how he's doing with the dragons. I still hear from him every now and then. And I think about you, Dash. I mean, you're a Wonderbolt now! That was your dream, all the times you would tell me about some new trick you were practicing to show them how 'awesome' you were while I read in the library. I always knew you could make it, Dash. I miss you guys so much, I really want to get back together some time, however I'm tied down here. I'm sure Celestia will let me off if I ask her to, but I feel bad leaving her alone. I promise I'll see you in your next show! I really really really miss you guys, as if I haven't stressed it enough. See you soon, Dashie! Remember, Friendship is Magic, Friendship is Forever. -Twilight Sparkle"
The breeze picked up again, along with the letter signed from the Princess' advisor. It carried over the river, flipping gracefully over the field of flowers, and finally stopped in a sea of midnight. There, it found the faces of many ponies, old and young, pegasus, earth, and unicorn. As it faced the crowd of black gowns and wispy veils, it heard the sobs of sorrow. One pony, specifically a unicorn, stepped forward, a tear running down her purple cheek, not a sound ushered from her lips. She went to brush the parchment off of the case on which it rested, but abrubtly stopped as she recognized her writings. Instead, she smiled as a sparkling drop fell from her face and onto the paper. And as they lowered the coffin into the earth, letter
and all, more drops of water cascaded down upon the audience, who watched the spectacle mournfully. A picture with a cheerful blue pegasus lie before the grave, along with an apple, a balloon, a marvelous gem, and a beautiful butterfly fluttering on the roses below the items. As the unicorn gazed down into the grave, she saw the letter - her letter - pelted rain, for no pegasus had cleared the sky that day. She set the coffin down gently, her magic releasing the box as she read the six words for the last time. Friendship is Magic, Friendship is Forever.
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>> No. 88862
First thing's first: it would be way easier to read if you put additional line breaks between your paragraphs. Once you've gotten it cleaned up, it might make a nice addition to our short story compilation thread (>>50615, whose link has sadly disappeared from the sticky).

Also, while it may seem like overkill, you'll be able to edit it in-place if you put it in a Google doc.
>> No. 88863
File 133092844308.jpg - (34.15KB , 614x350 , anton.jpg )
>ey guys, don't know if I'm doing this right at all
You're not.

1) You did not read the sticky.
2) Your formatting is quite bad. The middle is a difficult-to-read text wall, and your finger seems to have developed a mind of its own and hit the Enter key a few times when it shouldn't have.

For a single-fic made by a newbie, it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It failed to pluck even a single string of my heart, but I managed to finish it with a minimum of skimming, which was a point in your favour.

Yes, it would be greatly appreciated if you deleted this thread and posted this in the general. The Short Story thread could use some new material in either case.
Also, Gdocs is easily your best tool for writing. I highly suggest you familiarize yourself with its workings.
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