>>91817

Ceiling Fan Shipping

Why?

If blimps can do it, so can anything else.

>Rarity as Yosuke

Okay...


Story Idea: Applejack and Pinkie Pie friendshipping fic. No romance.

Both come from farm families.

Applejack sought to leave to farm, but realized that the farm is what she always wanted.

Pinkie was going to stay on the farm, but realized there was something better out there.

Applejack finds that out and they have a talk about it.

Nothing fancy; no love confessions, no melodramatic angst; just two friends getting to know each-other a bit better.

An explanation for why cutie marks can change or even vanish on background mares, stallions, and foals. I know the out-universe explanations (limited budget for the art department, plus artists are only human), but what about an in-universe explanation?

Is it a disease, akin to Cutie Pox?

Is it the result of a life crisis of some sort, like a midlife crisis?

Is it ponies playing dress-up for some secret game simply called The Game, which lasts for days and has inscrutably complicated rules?

Or is it a natural consequence of changing full-time jobs?

French exists in Equestria, and is still called "French" (see: Cutie Pox and Suited for Success).

Thus, I give you: L'Académie

Synopsis: Over the past thousand years, the Equestrian language has evolved. Princess Luna has been doing her best to learn this new, modern Equestrian, but so much is different. All languages are alive; they grow and change—

Almost all languages. In the ancient ruins of the world before, les immortels offer their dark knowledge to any who would seek it. L'Académie française—forty humans, kept alive by horrific machines of bubbling fluids and crackling electricity. Their existence is torment, but they bear it willingly.

Though France is dead, French lives on.

And Luna wishes to learn.

So yeah. I've got other stuff I want to write right now, and if any o' y'all want to use this? Go nuts.

I have two ideas that I'm probably not going to get to anytime soon, since I've decided to write another chapter of my pet project first, but I'd love to talk about and develop them.

My first idea is Friendship: The Gathering. Twilight Sparkle, fittingly, has a Planeswalker spark, and it ignites as Equestria comes under attack from... I don't know yet. Phyrexians are so 90s. Perhaps it's just that the other Walkers are eager to explore the new place, but they brought their old conflicts with them and the land isn't ready for them. I could write about different colors of mana and how they correspond to different brands of pony magic, Twilight could go visit Dominaria or Kamigawa and talk magic theory with Jace, Celestia could have tea with Elspeth.

My other idea is based on a one-shot clopfic that got a lot of hits and a lot of people liked. I'm going to write about something similar, but do a proper job of it this time. It won't be as cloppy, but more importantly, it won't be a one-shot. I'm gonna let it develop proper-like. It'll be a GildaDash fic about how they met and how their relationship developed, and I'll work in Dash's friendship with Fluttershy too. Mostly I'm looking forward to building Cloud-culture headcanon.

>>91908
>Friendship: The Gathering

Hey, I'm back! I wrote up chapter two, and would love someone to give it a once over.

Title: Bloodline- Chapter Two
Tags: Dark, Thriller
Synopsis: Albert Pomeroy is a violent serial killer who has terrorized Houston for over two years. Now, he find his way to Equestria and decides to share his "work" with a world that has not seen violence like him in eons. Hot on his heels is Detective Robert Barlow, the man who has been chasing Pomeroy for years. As the authorities refuse to believe that anything is amiss, the Mane Six must work with Barlow to stop this madman. But is all as it seems?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JHCo1lHwOzyMQ87FgDhihagAYumAL5dwV2Pr-O7mFmk/mobilebasic

I know there's a few spelling and maybe a some format issues. I'm mainly asking for advice on writing style. I've been told by a few people that I have a problem with the whole "show, don't tell" thing. How does this chapter flow? Do I suck and fail at life? Please help. :)

>>91880
Wow. I normally don't go much for Humans in Equestria but this is a use of it that I could get behind. Whoever takes this up should probably have a decent command of the French language; something like this deserves bilingual pun action.

> welcome to the Story Forge, /fic/'s story idea and brainstorming general thread!
>>91916
> I'm mainly asking for advice on writing style.
> Do I suck and fail at life?

I'mma try to be more nice and say I think you should try posting that in a review thread.
I'd say mine, but I have to go review things. Like your chapter one. So how about the TTG.

yeah, sorry. I'm new at this board. :)

>>91926
Not really;
>>76932 >>90500 >>68784 >>70804 >>90460 >>77127 >>79359 >>77958
Among those posts, which range in time from last November until now, is the same story / post requesting a review as >>91916 (it's in at least one place: JMozziel's thread).

Since you already know the drill (submit to a review thread for criticism) I won't echo Minty's suggestion, as it is totally unnecessary. Instead, I shall chide you for misusing StoryForge as a place to post your writing instead of using it to discuss and develop story ideas. You're welcome to do just that, instead of asking for constructive criticism; it's what the thread was made for.

>>91922
Sorry! I'm new here. Won't happen again! :)

>>91931
If you had bothered to read the OP, you would have known.
Ergo, it doesn't matter how "new" you are, just how lazy.

>>91842

Okay, I like this one. I'm more leaning towards life crisis, because no scripted character is ever pictured without their Mark. Adult 'blank flanks' must be severely depressed, having an identity crisis, or something. Perhaps one of the m6 (Rarity and Rainbow Dash come to mind) loses theirs temporarily?

>>91933
Ok. No need to be a jerk about it. I'm a new author, maybe a little too eager to get reviewed, a little impatient. I apologized, and said it won't happen again. No
Need to look at me like that, Squidword.

>>91842
Well, if you follow the whole 'cutie mark as an expression of identity' concept, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to have a mark change (possibly quite radially) if the persona of the pony in question changes radically enough. It'd really need to be a big change though, like to the point where they are now a fundamentally difference character.

But that really doesn't apply for marks disappearing and then reappearing in a very short time-span. I'd say that they could just not be very 'themselves' at the times in question, but given all the squawking some people send up about OOC actions in the show, and the fact that there are no mark fadings during these points, kinda shoots some holes in that as a cohesive theory.

>>91974
It's SQUIDWARD.

>>91978
nah, bro. It's squidword.

I give ideas now! I'm working on six other fics (five of them being multiparters) at the moment, and I really don't know where I'd go with these, so have at them.

Idea 1: Dante's Inmareno
This one could swing either grimdark serious or comedic. Bascially Twilight accidentally opens a portal to hell/pony hell, and they have to traverse the seven levels if they want to get back home. Along the way they are guided by the spirit Mephistofillys. I'm not sure how it'd work, I kinda got a few ideas, but can't really seem to agree on one.

Idea 2: I don't have a title for this one. The plot plays upon an alternate ending to season 2 episode 15, in which the Apple family actually does lose the farm (it's meant to be a sad one). It would focus around their new life, and how horrible it becomes (for example, to get the money to survive, Big Mac has to work in a coal mine, Applejack is a stripper, Applebloom sells... stuff, and Granny Smith works in a sweatshop). I'm not sure how well I could play out the sad setting, so I'll leave it up to whoever would take this idea.

>>91880
So, Luna just wants to learn French? That's it? Needs more explosions and car chases.

>>91916
ಠ_ಠ

>>91990
Not digging the first. Personally, I hate replacement fics. If I wanted to read Dante's Inferno, I'd read it. Horse puns won't make it any more interesting.

>>91977

That's because all the squawking is bullshit. A character behaving OOC due to bad writing does not mean that the character is a dundamentally different person for that episode. Look at Rainbow Dash's seeming callousness in those two s2 episodes. She wasn't represented very well and she did break character a bit, but she was in no way a totally changed personality.

Okay, here's the basic gist of this idea.

Basically Pinkie starts to feel a little down and guilty about being so happy and gleeful all the time. So what does she do? She "borrows" a vial of an ancient disease from Zecora's hut that she thinks will make everypony like her.

Well it does... at first, then the laughing gets to a point where it becomes "dangerous." As a result of the "jolly epidemic" the princesses call in F.R.O.W.N., a special forces military division that has dealt with the Plague in the past.

But is it already too late? Is the damage too great? Will all ponies be doomed to a life of eternal laughter and unrest? I don't know, BWAHAHAHAAAA!

There it is, tell me what you think. Oh, and can anypony give me good words for the acronym F.R.O.W.N.? You know as what i described it as above?

>>91999

Oh yeah, and this is lightly based on Disney's concept/song titled "Ev'rybody's Got a Laughing Place." And I also plan to include a modified version of that song in the story.

>>91999
These might be of interest to you:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dancing_Plague_of_1518
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanganyika_laughter_epidemic

>But is it already too late? Is the damage too great? Will all ponies be doomed to a life of eternal laughter and unrest?
If Wikipedia is on-target, you've got about a month before the massed heart attacks start. There's only so much Pinkie Party a body can take before it burns out altogether.

Thought of this dark one while walking today.

War can leave a lot of things.
Grief.
Anger.
Doubt.
Grief can fade with time.
Anger can be harnessed.
But doubt? It has a habit of worming its way into the back of your head, a niggling little "what-if?" that grows with time. An itch that, when scratched, demands more, slowly growing until it takes up every waking moment, and sometimes even more. Dreams of a lover finding their way back home. An answer to desperate pleas for closure.
There is one that remembers. A hello, a goodbye, and they will never be forgotten. All it takes to remind her is a single tuft of hair, a chipped tooth, a singed pinion. Sometimes she gets to say hello again, but, most of the time, she only gets to say goodbye one last time.
Her name is Pinkie Pie.
And she knows every pony.
She remembers every pony.
All you can do is hope that you won't be one of the ones she remembers, and that when she does, it's not to say goodbye.

>>91999
>F.R.O.W.N.

Federal Rowdiness and Obsessive Whooping Neutralizers.

Whooping is a bit of a stretch but given the seemingly comedic nature of the fic, you can always just admit that you thought of the acronym first and just needed something that fit.

>>92003

Oh wow.

I don't normally like tearjerkers. Simply Rarity is as far as I'll go. But I'm really taken by how this uses the simple, very fitting, established idea that Pinkie knows everyone, and does something interesting with it. Just the little passage you've written there gives me chills.

I'm not sure if it's more fitting that who she mourns is an m6 she was in love with, or an anonymous background pony and some people don't understand why she's so sad about it.

>>92002

Wow... and here I was damned proud of myself for thinking up something original, but God/Nature has apparently beat me to it. DAMN YOU!

Although, I didn't plan the Laughing Plague to be deadly, you do have a good point there.

>>92004

That's perfect actually. Better than I could come up with anyway.

Also another detail on F.R.O.W.N., they have a cure but its labor intensive and partially ineffective and it's... your everyday toilet plunger.

>>91990

I'm reading Dante's Inferno right now.

Basically, it strikes me as just a list of gory punishments on people Dante didn't like. Especially the pope. Except for a few gay friends, who are there but don't seem to have it too bad. Faust (the Goethe version) or Paradise Lost are my preferences when it comes to Satan in literature.

But anyways, your fic. You'd probably be using Tartarus, since that's confirmed as pony hell. And I assume you'd be showing various antagonists from the show being punished... but they aren't dead yet. Well, we haven't seen Trixie or Gilda in a while, but I assume they haven't met with any horrible fates.

We don't really know any famous ponies of the past, so you can't really use that. If you made up OCs to put there it just wouldn't have the same impact. I guess you'd have to set it in the future, or... just say that every antagonist got eaten by a manticore after leaving Ponyville, who knows?

And Mephistopheles is not really a parallel for Vergil... At all. If anything, I'd say Star Swirl the Bearded fits the whole "respected forerunner" thing for Twilight. For an obscure unicorn, he's popping up a lot lately. But yeah. I'd go with him.

>>92007
I just got to thinking, "How can Pinkie's ability to remember any pony be put to good use?"
Then I thought of how difficult it can be to identify soldiers that have died from explosives or other excessive trauma. And so, Pinkie Pie became the coroner for the Equestrian army, or something to that extent.

>>92033

She should be the one to deliver the bad news, too. After all, nobody would be better than her to try to offer comfort to near-strangers.

>>92008
The only reason that anyone in Tanganyika survived was because Pinkie wasn't there. Still, it doesn't devalue the idea or anything. If you can try writing it, go for it.

>>92064
I can see this having a very bad effect on Pinkie Pie. Setting aside the fact that sometimes her always-happy demeanor doesn't quite hit the right mood for people, having Pinkie show up to deliver condolences would send her popularity through the floor. People would live in literal fear of the day she's pops up out of nowhere and tells them one of their kids had been killed and now they'd never see them again. And that's not even mentioning the problems that pinkie is going to have seeing potentially hundreds of ponies on the worst day of their lives, a day on which absolutely nothing she can do will be able to cheer them up.

I think that would destroy Pinkie in pretty short order. Sure, her friends would stick with her, but in time even that's going to fall apart, probably right about the time Pinkie has to go and tell Twilight that her brother has been killed or eaten or something

>>92064

Seriously? We've seen that Pinkie likes to cheer people up, but we've also seen that she's not good at being sensitive.

"Hey, everypony! This donkey's ENTIRE PLATOON STEPPED ON A MINEFIELD!"

>>92123
I feel bad for laughing at this.

>>92123
It's not that she isn't sensitive, she's just oblivious.
One option would be for her to deliver the news, and then skip off, thinking "Another job well-done!" while the family she left sobs quietly.

>>92133

Doesn't that amount to the same thing, pretty much? If she's oblivious to their feelings, she's probably not going to deliver the news very well.

>>92135
Not being sensative to other pony's feelings would suggest apathy. She cares very deeply for her friends. She's just too air-headed to recognize when something is wrong.
However, this is all a moot point, since the idea is to break her. She never forgets all of these ponies. It's a pile of corpses stacked in the back of her head that can only get larger. It's essentially taking the problem that the royal sisters have--what with being immortal and all--and imposing it on a (debatebly) normal pony.

>>92137

Nothing quite like sucking all of the fun out of Pinkie Pie. Haven't seen that one before.

>>92138
Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?
>Pic very related.

>>92143

War in Equestria, as well as Pinkie Pie being either broken or a psychopath, are both overdone. And they're very hard to justify believably.

>>92147
If you have a better suggestion, please, by all means, field it.

>>92148

Three suggestions:

1) Perhaps set the story when Pinkie Pie is older--maybe 30s or 40s. Perhaps she's met a lot of ponies that have since died, perhaps in war. The stress of knowing someone, then hearing about them killed, is what does her in. To be clear, she's not directly involved in the deaths--it's the constant loss that messes her up.

2) Similar to the above, but set it in the "present day." Pinkie has ALREADY gone through a lot of trauma, and her craziness is an effort to deal with it.

3) Have Pinkie involved with death in some way, but not be DIRECTLY involved--instead of being the surgeon, for example, she's the ambulance driver. Constant exposure to suffering/death would probably still hurt her--especially if she does a Sherlock Holmes-type analysis of a pony as soon as she sees them.

>>92123
I would read this story. I would read it so hard.

>"No siree! Not even the horrors of war can faze the Pinkster! Buckle up, everypony! Pinkie Pie is here to make triage fun!

>>92133
This makes it even better.

>>92150
She's the coroner.
The thing is that she meets these ponies. Every one. And when they come back in a bag, she can't help but remember them when they were alive. No one is better at identifying bodies.
It's sort of like Minority Report, in which a character's ability is a huge boon to the population, yet using it is slowly driving them insane.

>>92152

I'd read it. I'd read it with the intensity of a thousand supernovas.

>>92155
General reaction seems to be "That's not pony at all!" or "I would totally read this."
I love making such bi-polar opinions. It means I'm striking a collective nerve.

Also, you've been posting with Wakfu pics, right? Is the show any good? Like, Avatar the Last Airbender good (best animated series ever IMHO)?

>>92157

>pic related

Wakfu is great. I haven't seen Avatar, but Wakfu is definitely one of the best animated series I've seen in quite a while. The animation is the most mouth-watering display of flash animation I've had the fortune of seeing and the world is quirky and colorful, which lends itself to a lot of nice scenery porn.

The characters are clearly defined and though they do have some or more growth, their basic characteristics remain the same. Their interactions are nice and they're a pretty lovable bunch altogether. Extra points for featuring a child protagonist, Yugo, whom not only did I never feel like strangling(as with most child heroes), but is really adorable and sweet, rounding it off by being a badass a couple of times.

The plot is mostly episodic, especially in the second season. Most plot epiodes occur at the start and the end, but the one-off adventures they have are also quite fun to watch and never really get boring. Once the plot gets kicking though...oh my god, shit hits the fan. The finale of the first season was some of the most brutal, heartwrenching things I've ever seen in a Saturday morning cartoon. Nox is an extremely good villain, which makes it all the more enjoyable.

The first 4-5 episodes of the first season are a little weak(especially episode 5, if I recall right), but don't really approach unbearable levels at any point, it's just that the rest of the season is admittedly so much better. I whole-heartedly recommend the series.

>>92158

>pic related, once I stop being a complete retard

>>92158
Anywhere I can find a high-quality stream for them?

>>92148

Basically, my post above with Cranky Doodle Donkey. And >>92151 seems to agree. In-character Pinkie is a lot of fun. Broken, sad Pinkie? Not so much.

That's what Cupcakes was originally - it was more entertaining because Pinkie was her usual bubbly self. It's a crackfic, but those can be fun too. Then a bunch of imitators came along and were all "ZOMG IT'Z ALL DARK AND SHE'S A SERIAL KILLER" and tried to write serious stories about it.

I honestly can't take darkfics seriously. They're rainbow-marshmallow ponies.

>>92160

http://brotherhoodoftofu.com/

This is your best bet for anything Wakfu-related. It used to be streamed on Megavideo, but that's long-gone now. I'm not sure if it's still streamed anywhere, but if it is, you'll most likely find info here.

>>92152
It would be difficult to the point of making the author lose his mind while writing too, but yes, I do like this idea very much.
But damn, that would be horrible to read if done well. Horribly amazing.

I have this idea:
Twin Peaks-ish thing. Canterlot EBI detective dispatched to a sleepy mountain town called Greenfalls due to a bunch of murders in the town with zero suspects. He arrives at the town, and finds that it's... strange. Things seem off, the folk are all way too amiable and happy. He asks why they are all so happy, even when murders have just happened, and the local mailmare simply replies: "We're all good folk here in Greenfalls, Mister Sharp!"

After some investigation, it's obvious that the victims had killed themselves. Strange, the local law-enforcement reported them as murders...

The detective is then knocked-out before he can get word out to Canterlot. He wakes up in a basement, strapped to a chair. The town sheriff, blacksmith, baker and mailmare are with him, all looking very different to when he first met them. They talk for a while, and some of the history of the town in revealed. Greenfalls is a logging town, and fringes a part of the Everfree forest. There has always been a strange influence coming from that forest, and it never responded well to having its trees taken from it. The recent purchase of the Greenfalls Logging Co. by Fillydelphia Heavy Commodities, Inc. had increased the logging rate by using powerful, automated machines. The forest was fighting back.

The four ponies now sharpen their tools, ready to kill the detective. They announce that afterwards, they will take the rest of the townsponies and go to burn down the logging factory, and then burn the rest of the town to remove the last traces of pony pollution. During all this monologuing, Detective Sharp has managed to remove his restraints and takes them by surprise. With minor injuries, he escapes.

He sneaks through the town back to the sheriff's office, where there is a telephone where he can call for help. It's evident that the rest of the town is also possessed, and an angry mob with torches is already gathering. He manages to make it to the office and call for help, where he is connected to an paranormals expert. She tells him that although reinforcement is on its way, he won't be able to save any of them or the town unless he finds the source of the possession and destroys it, before all the ponies burn the town with themselves still in it!

Cue a tool-up scene where Sharp picks up the sheriff's shotgun, rope and torch, and braces himself with a shot of Applejack Daniels! (Or whatever.) He ventures into the forest and fights off apparitions of cases failed and past, poltergeists and wild beasts. He eventually reaches a Stonehenge-like arrangement of huge rocks. He instinctively knows what to do: He trots into the middle and disappears.

He is transported to an glorious, empty castle. It is as beautiful Celestia's palace, but feels darker and unnerving. Here he confronts the Spirit of Everfree, and they have an epic battle. He wins.

He wakes up in the Greenfalls town square, being tended to by two unicorn medical mares. Townsponies all around him are snapping out of it, blinking and disorientated. A small fleet of REMA (Royal Emergency Management Agency) carriages are parked around, with agents helping the townsfolk. Tiredness overwhelms him, and he falls back asleep again.

The next morning, he wakes up in the Greenfalls Hotel room he is staying in to the sound of music on the radio. He throws it into the wall, smashing it, and gallops into the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror, before headbutting it. Cracked pieces of mirror jutting from his forehead, he starts laughing in the same manner as the Spirit of Everfree.

Cliffhanger!

I wrote like, two pages of it and gave up. If anyone wants to complete it, they're welcome to...
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BJ7pV5-gzKJvknkymjbuvMt6mVlefdjioU_nsQEA-pU/edit?pli=1

>>92161

Funny, I'm one of the people who love the Pinikie-as-coroner, but I feel like I envisioned it differently from the guy who had the idea.

Applejinx likes to say that ponies should be effective against grimdark. They are hopeful and persistent by nature. I saw this less about Pinkie being totally crushed and miserable, and more about always riding the edge of total collapse.

What people are saying about how this would be likely to break her completely--people fearing her, for example--would be a conflict both internally and in her interactions with other characters. I see her as tormented, struggling. Not broken.

The most interesting and probably most difficult thing about this would be to make Pinkie solemn and comforting while still showing the reader that you're grounded in canon.

Have there been any big stories written regarding the classic "Reluctant, Incompatible Roommates" story?

I had an idea for a story where Rainbow Dash gets suspended for a month from her position as Ponyville Weather Manager due to some incident. The big problem is that Dash's house is mostly paid for by the Equestrian Weather Control Association, and is meant for the Ponyville Weather Manager specifically (so they have immediate access to Ponyville), meaning she has to find a new place to stay for a month while the interim manager stays there. She ends up staying at Fluttershys cottage for the month, and of course, shenanigans ensue with conflicting personalities and lifestyles.

I kinda want to write that story as a lighthearted comedy/slice of life story, even ending with the "Dear Princess Celestia" letter. Have there been any stories like that before, and would anyone have any interest in reading a story like that?

Try a .Hack GU crossover. It would be pretty different from the overflowingly massive piles of generic ninja crossovers.

Story idea: It's finally happened.

Applebloom has gotten her cutiemark for carpentry.

Even better, with the Apple Family Reunion just around the corner, she'll be able to show it off to her whole family.

But wait a minute...

Don't Applejack, Big Mac and Granny Smith all have apple-related cutiemarks? Don't the whole
Apple family have apple-related cutie marks?

What would they think when they find out she has one for carpentry?

And so Applebloom tries her hardest to hide her cutiemark for fear of being disowned by the Apple family.

Shenanigans ensue.

>>92183

Go for it.

>>92186
I came up with the idea that her carpentry skills are put to good use in the orchard by being a tree grafter.
In regards to your story, a fun bit would be the inevitable questions as to exactly which kind of tree she uses for her carpentry...

>which kind of tree she uses for her carpentry

And this strikes off an idea:

After the old CMC clubhouse burns down in an accident that is totally in no way Sweetie Bell's fault, Applebloom resolves to build a new clubhouse. A better clubhouse! ...Unfortunately, there's no spare lumber for her to use, and no dead / dying / diseased trees that need to be put out of the orchard's misery, forcing Applebloom to look for raw materials elsewhere. As luck would have it, Sweet Apple Acres is located right next to the Everfree Forest, one of the largest expanses of virgin timber in all Equestria! It's time for Applebloom to lead the CMC in finding their logging cutie marks!

There are a three this could go:

Firstly, she disturbs some animals or monsters in the forest with her amateur logging, and they cause some problems. Cue environmental aesop.

Secondly, she cuts down an old tree that doesn't take very kindly to being murdered by a little filly. Cue hauntings and aesop about always exorcising your lumber before you use it.

Thirdly, she cuts down the wrong sort of tree. A living tree that imprisons malicious and abiding intellect. A tree that contains a Fern Gully crossover plot. Cue Tim Curry, preferably singing.

>>92215
Isn't the idea of crossing over with Ferngully... well... odd?

I mean, it's like "MLP crossover with Howard the Duck: or "MLP crossover with Battlefield Earth" or "MLP crossover with the Garbage Pail Kids" or "MLP crossover with Troll 2" or "MLP crossover with The Room".

Why would you take a widely despised concept with a message that's more preachy, scientifically less accurate, and more heavy-handed than a freaking Pat Robertson broadcast (Ferngully and related aesops) and mingle it with something awesome (MLP)?

Although...

The more that I think about it, the more that Tommy Wiseau in Equestria is promising.

"You are tearing me APART Twilight!" *hands thrust down*

Does Dash's favorite board game—the Battleship clone—have a commonly-agreed-upon fanon name?

>>92215
I totally want that third one to happen, if just in the capacity of a crack fic.

>>92221
It's not like there'd be more taken from the movie than an evil Tim Curry pollution monster. I'm actually surprised that my brain made the jump to that, considering probably been close to twenty years since I saw that movie.

And I'd do it because a Tim Curry voiced villain would be amazing in MLP, and it's really hard to invoke that oily creepiness without saying something like "-and he had a voice just like Tim Curry!" or introducing a character to the story who was actual voiced by him.

>"MLP crossover with Battlefield Earth"
Comedy fic maybe? I don't think I could take a "Psychlos invade Equestria" story all that seriously, but a "Psychlos invade Equestria and then Twilight dismantles all the flaws in Scientology to the general disapproval of John Travolta" story could be worth a read, especially if you can get Rarity making critical comments on their costume and set design.

>>92231
Nah, it just doesn't seem right. I'd be worried about a evil Tim Curry pollution monster possibly ending up too similar to Discord. I mean, your whole problem here in a nutshell is finding a brand new villain that does a very unique thing compared to past villians (so that it doesn't seem stale). That's also something that was a problem with the original movie (Did I mention that I despise Ferngully yet? I do. I'm far from objective.). While the villain was notable from the voice and visual direction, it was also a pretty mediocre concept. Oh, hey, he's human filth personified. Yawn. Throw some dial soap at him.

In my opinion, if I were making a "accidentally chop down the wrong tree / eat the wrong apple / kick the wrong rock / etc" villian... I'd make it more 'Tim Curry'-ish if that makes any sense. Whereas Nightmare Moon personified perfect order and darkness, Discord was Discord, Curry could be... um... something like greed and lust together? Or maybe something like that.

Maybe it could just be a bad guy that wants to take over both for the lulz as well as for personal gain. I'm thinking of a monster that might want to, say, destroy part of Ponyville as well as Everfree to build some grand thing. He corrupts ponies by appealing to their various personality flaws as more of a tempter type. Maybe look at Dr. Frank-N-Furter ?

So, someone on the Fan Labor Wiki pointed out that Twilight's Dad and Trixie have similar coloring, and suggested that Twilight and Trixie are half-sisters. I find this idea really compelling: for example, Trixie's arrogance could be a result of having to compete with her older sister, and Twilight's need to study could be a result of some daddy and/or abandonment issues. That said, there's some fundamental problems withthis idea, and I wanted to see if you guys could perhaps help me out.

The problems I see are 1) Dad seems like a nice guy, and seems to love Mom and Twiliight very much, 2) Trixie and Twilight appear to be about the same age (which I'm guessing is about 14), and 3) Twilight, at least, doesn't appear to recognize Trixie when they meet.

Because Dad seems like a nice guy, and seems to love Mom, it seems highly unlikely that he would father Trixie with another Mare behind Mom's back. Because they're about the same age, it's unlikely that Trixie comes from another marriage. And, because Twilight appears to love her family, it seems unlikely that Trixie is her younger full-sister: Even if she was living away from home, she would at least have HEARD about her..

In short, barring some wacky Deus Ex intervention (time travel? Sperm donation?) I can't think of a good way to make Trixie and Twilight half- or full-sisters. Do you guys have any ideas?

Thanks!

(btw, I'm aware that there is at least one EqD fic written on this premise, but I feel that the's a lot more that can be done with these characters. If I can get these plot points worked out, I think I'd like to take a crack at it myself...)

>>92304
Okay, first of all, yeah, already at least one fic about that.

Hmm, reasons they don't know about eachother.... well, they live in Canterlot. Even if they're good people, covering up scandals is the SOP in those settings.

Also, you got their age way off. Twilight and Rarity are about the same age, Rarity owns a store. All the ponies are among her same age. A 14 year old would not live on their own.

>>92304
Trixie and Twilight are half-sisters but the father divorced the older's mother and remarried? That'd give him a good reason to not talk about the other one. Interesting idea, but it seems like more of an aspect to a plot than a plot. I'd love to see the full plot idea...

>>92304
The easiest way would be to complicate point 1 and have things be far less idyllic in the House of Sparkle. Maybe Twilight turned into such a bibliophile because books allowed her an escape from the constant domestic squabbles at home! Given that we haven't even seen Twilight's parents outside of a flashback, possibly colored by Twilight's unreliable-narratorship, this is the easiest to get work, even if it sounds really grim.

If you can manage to change point 2 a bit, then you've got some leeway to work with. Maybe Trixie is Twilight's slightly older half-sister from a previous marriage. You could go down the path of Twilight's dad cheating on Trixie's mom with Twilight's mom and that leaving her, but again, that's pretty dark. Actually, pretty much all 'Trixie is related to Twilight' stories seem to turn out grim. You need some reason to explain why this two sisters didn't grow up together, and all the rational ones are universally unhappy.

Point 3 is the hardest to shift. I tried to write a story where Trixie had known Twilight when they were both back in school and the events of Boast Busters were just the latest in a long line of attention to try and get Twilight's attention, but in the end it just would not make any sense with what we saw in the show. Based on what we saw from Twilight and Trixie, neither pony had met before that morning.

You probably could find a way to fix any of these with the liberal application of time travel, but that's bound to come off as somewhat contrived. Time travel plots should generally be avoided, unless there's a very good reason for them and no other way to tell that particular story. Sperm donation could also work, provided you can make equestrian sperm backs seem plausible, but that kind of sinks the whole point of the plot. "My dad is also your dad by way of the miracles of science!" really doesn't carry the same weight as "But you are my long lost sister by any of the other above methods!"

There was a brief spike in interest in this idea after low-res images of Twilight's dad started getting posted ("He's got Trixie's mark! SISTERS!!!"), but then we saw this wasn't the case and interest really dropped off, partly because it's just so hard to get it to make sense.

>>92306
>>92307
...and I'm beaten to the punch by a good 45 minutes. I think I really need to learn to be less wordy.

Thanks for the feedback, guys.

Right after I made the above post, I realized a good way I could resolve this:

Trixie is Twilight's slightly-younger full-sister, born "Lulamoon." "Lula" has always been competitive, trying to show up her sister, but it came to a head when Lula tried to enroll in Celestia's magic academy. It became obvious that she sucked at magic, and was forced to attend a much-less-prestigious public school. Lula became frustrated and ran away, discovering her talent for stage magic (not _actual_ magic) after attempting to survive on her own.
Twilight's parents start looking obsessively for Lula, effectively abandoning her. This led Twilight to study harder, in the hopes that her parents would love her again if her grades were good enough.

(alternatively, Lula loves Twilight, and tries to be just like her; the realization that she can't measure up shatters her self-esteem)

About six years later, Boast Busters happens. Lula, now "Trixie," has grown and changed so much that Twilight doesn't recognize her (maybe the thought occurs to her, but she brushes it off). Trixie recognizes her, and it's part of the reason why she picks on her so much.

As far as the plot: Trixie has been hiding in the Everfree since Boast Busters, but has never really adjusted--she sleeps in leaves and eats berries while practicing magic. When winter comes, Trixie, hurt, starving, and delirious, stumbles into a villaage and knocks on the first door she comes to, looking for help--it just so happens that the village is Ponyville, and the door is Twilight's. Twilight let's her in and fixes her up, realizing in the process she's Lula. After she comes to, Twilight and Trixie discuss their past, and we realize that their stories are very similar. They part as friends.

Does that sound reasonable?

(I was thinking about adding in a little bit, right after Twilight let's Trixie in, where Twi realizes that Trixie has been eating pine ends to survive. Too much?)

>>92183

I really like this idea, btw. It sounds like a fun read.
One scene you could do would be something like what happens in The Stare Master-- as soon as Rainbow comes in, Fluttershy starts talking about all the "roommate" things they're going to do ("we'll paint each oer's nails, and talk about boys, and...") but Rainbow rebels against that.

At the bowling alley, the Mane Six decide to take part in a friendly team-based contest, but learn that they can only have three on a team. Since it's a friendly, they decide to split up, but they agree to be good sports about it. As the game progresses, however, a few competitive urges surface...

It's not meant as anything other than as a bit of fun. I just have no idea who'd be on whose team. I think it would be split Pegasus-Unicorn-Earth Pony each, but who'd be the captains?

At present, I imagine this arrangement:

Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash

Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy

I imagine Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy wouldn't be much good at it (not having the strength or the practice needed to get a strike), while Rainbow and Applejack would be athletic enough to cover their respective teams' losses. I'm not sure about Pinkie. Either she'd be too easily distracted, or she'd get caught out by rule after rule (no crossing the line, only two throws at most per turn etc.). Or maybe she'd get strikes in the most absurd ways possible.

>>92239
>He corrupts ponies by appealing to their various personality flaws as more of a tempter type.
I say someone needs to make a Needful Things adaption.

>>92314
Drop the Everfree bit. That's too hard to swallow. Every time the other characters step into there they have a death-defying moment. Zecora is the only pony that should be living in the Everfree since she obviously has a deep understanding of it.

>>92314

To be clear, are you objecting that Trixie hides in woods in general? Or that she hides in the Everfree forest?

>>92374

My knee-jerk reaction is that PINKIE should be good at bowling, while, Rainbow should suck at it.

Rainbow is good at sports, true; but bowling is very different than the kinds of sports she's used to. I could see her getting frustrated by the fact that she's so bad at bowling.

As for Pinkie...she's not stupid, she's just silly. I think it would be kinda fun for her to have a talent that no one else knows she has. Bowling seems random enough for pinkie.

Twilight should start out bad, but slowly improve as she reads more about it.

>>92314

>... Twi realizes that Trixie has been eating pine ends to survive. Too much?)

GWAH. I hate my iPad's autocorrect...

PineCONES. Trixie's run out of food and is eating pineCONES. It's part of the reason she's in trouble; pinecones don't offer a whole lot of nutrition, and the pointy bits have cut up her mouth, if not her insides.

I was thinking it would be a fun way to weave some larger Trixie canon into the story, both as a shout out and a bit of comic relief/drama.

>>92383

I never said Pinkie was stupid. My idea was that she'd line up for a shot, get ready to push, and then suddenly notice that they do a three for two offer at the candy vendor, get excited, and miss the shot. She'd then go off and buy loads of the stuff for everypony to share in the competition. She strikes me as the sort who would have a good time even if she loses.

Actually, now that you mention it I could see Rainbow going the same way as Scootaloo. Rainbow just doesn't have a subtle approach. Applejack might suffer a similar problem at first, but she'd get used to it like Twilight once she's got the buck technique under control.

I think it would be funnier if Rarity turned out to be the better bowler. She could be wearing the red glasses, lining up the shot, then carefully measuring out her neck force and body angle (as in fashion) before nudging the ball into a perfect strike. It'd be a little more original than her complaining about her pony pedicure getting ruined by the bowling ball.

I'm still not sure about captains. Twilight strikes me as the obvious captain for her team, but what about the other?

>>92314
Well, it's plausible. Whether or not it comes off as believable will lie in how well you can write it, especially in how well you paint the contrast between young Lulamoon and adult Trixie, since that's the foundation the whole 'I didn't recognize my sister' thesis will be built on.

Also, it uses the 'stumbled back to ponyville and needs to be nursed back to health' concept, which I've seen in more Trixie and Twixie stories that I care to remember. You might want to avoid that as it is getting somewhat worn out.

>>92386
Overall idea sounds promising (sorry to be vague, but I can't think of what to say beyond "I like this").

On the other hand/hoof/paw, reading about eating pine cones is just a WTF moment that would stick out in the narrative to me and I wouldn't like it.

Exactly what it says on the tin. A lone pony journeys through a desert to reach a far-off mountain, the only thing of note visible. This could either be done with an OC pony or a canon pony. It doesn't really matter.

Backstory optional, vague hints a plus.

>>92552

um...you really need to develop this more, but I'm sure you recognize that.

Who is the pony? What makes her special? Why is the pony travelling? what does she hope to accomplish? How does she prepare herself to cross the desert? What obstacles does she hope to overcome? What happens when she gets there?

I, personally, am opposed to making a story about ponies for ponies' sake. your story appears to have little basis in the MLP universe, aside from your pony protagonist. Thus, I feel your idea would be more successful if you wrote it as a "regular" story, not a pony fanfiction.

Honest to go

Hey guys, me again. Here's another too-long post with some deep questions...

I just gave one of my fanfics to an editor here on Ponychan. I initially wrote it as a journal, where my narrator (Fluttershy's older sister) is telling about her life.

That said, the journal doesn't READ like a journal: there's a few parts where I switch to present tense and do some other non-journaly things.

At the suggestion of the editor, I'm substantially revising the story. Now, it will be a frame narrative, where the narrator is sharing specific entries in her journal with a third party. It will shift between present tense, in which the narrator is directly addressing the other person, and past tense, where the other person is reading her journal.

So, here are my questions:

First, there are several points in the Diary draft where the narrator switches to present tense, usually to describe an especially tense scene. I would like to keep the present tense in the new draft, but I'm not sure how I could have her relate a past event in present tense and keep it credible.

One idea I had is that the narrator shows the other person a journal entry for a specific event, apologizing that it isn't very good--she wasn't thinking clearly as she was writing it. As the other person reads, the narrator relives the event In her mind, telling it in present tense. However, I can only pull that trick once without it getting stale.
Any ideas for how I could talk about a past event in the present tense in this context?

Second, who should she talk to, and how should I talk about them?

I was thinking about having her talk to Princess Celestia directly. I really like this idea; I feel that would make it easy to keep the "Moral" part of the story, and I think I can make it work. The problem is that, for a substantial part of the journal, Fluttershy is missing and presumed dead (trust me, it works). Talking to Celestia would dispel a lot of this dramatic tension--Fluttershy obviously introduced them or something.

Another idea I came up with is that the narrator is telling the story to her boyfriend. It makes logical sense (he should know her story after all), but having a boyfriend implies a happy ending (which I also want to be uncertain of), and also just feels a it weird to me.

The last idea I came up with is that she's talking to Fluttershy herself, but we don't know this--I would just call her "she". This makes sense and preserves dramatic tension, but makes the last scene, with their touching reunion, somewhat difficult.

TL;DR:
1) how can I relate past events in present tense, in the context of a frame narrative?
2) Who would be the best person for Fluttershy's older sister to tell her life story to: Princess Celestia, her boyfriend, or Fluttershy herself?

Thanks for all your help guys.

>>92556
Actually, he doesn't. Journey is a game about the adventure, the atmosphere, the sense of wonder. There isn't a single line of dialogue or text in its entirety.
To pull this off would take a literary genius but, if done right, it could be a truly amazing story, one where the events and the interactions define the character, and not merely what spills forth from their mouth.

Oh, I see it now.

When I first read his idea, I thought he was posting a story idea and asking for help fleshing it out.

But he's being intentionally vague. I see.

I still stick by my earlier statement, though--if the only part of the story that's actually pony is the protagonist, I think he'd be better off writing it as a normal, non-pony story. Then, he might be able to get it published and all.

So I'm thinking about doing a crossover between One Piece and MLP what are some things are should be careful about with writing a crossover?

>>92581
Don't simple replace the characters with ponies, for one.

That's the most common flaw with crossovers. Where the plot is exactly the same put they changed all the characters into ponies, or worse, the mane six based off slight character parallels. Like in Death Note: Equestria where Twilight becomes Light because they are both smart.



Just make sure the plot is actually different and the character's are themselves and you'll avoid the two biggest crossover pitfalls.

>>92585
Oh yeah I'm definitely not doing that I'm starting it off as an alternate retelling of an event with a little tweaking that could send the main character to Equestria. Maybe it'll be more well explained if I post a rough draft in a few hours (need to write it out)

>>92581
What I see a lot of crossover stories do is focus on the "crossover" part and forget that you're still writing a "story." Which, sadly, still gets an audience: like porn, there are people who are just THAT obsessed with something where they'll enjoy it just because it references something by name. But if you want a quality story, you need to have a coherent plot and memorable characters. Which, since you're doing a crossover, the latter is already done for you, so you need to focus on a coherent plot.

One personal pet peeve of mine is to have the plot just be focused on "Getting back to my home/dimension." Because it's been DONE BEFORE. SO OFTEN. One of the best parts of Twilight Snarkle's Order from Chaos---which is a great crossover, for the record---is that he had a conflict that wasn't inherently, "I HATE EQUESTRIA AND WANT TO LEAVE!" It was about integration and self-redemption.


Once you've got your plot figured out, though, another thing to look for is, "Does this really need to be crossed over with something?"

I mean look at "Pinkie Pie talks to... One Piece Guy." Sure, that's an amusing scene, but does that warrant an entire plot around it? Could the plot work just as well if it was normal pirates? [i]Could the story work just as well if it didn't involve ponies?[/?] If the answer to the former is yes, I'd dissuade you from crossing over in the first place; it just seems like a weak excuse to borrow content from an existing show.

If the answer to the latter is yes, you should also drop ponies. No one's going to bite you if you write original fiction.

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't write a scene if it amuses you. But the word "vignette" comes to mind: a short little story where you get away with things such as "not having a conclusion" or "the characters don't learn anything." Emphasis on "SHORT" little story, though.


But finally, if you're crossing over with book or movie or a TV Series' arc, don't just find/replace characters with ponies. Plagiarism of that sort is insulting to the readers, insulting to the show's creators, and insulting to people who actually work on their stories.

>>92591
"Getting back to my home/dimension."
Oh darn really? Cause as I said plot wise it's just a little tweak from what actually happened in one piece: the main character's crew is defeated and spectated by the big bad and sent to various islands in the show's world. The big part I'm tweaking is where the main character is sent (in this case Equestria)
That being said the main character is a romantic: he loves adventure and fun so while he probably would like to stay in Equestria he can't because he's more concerned about his crew (oh the irony he can't stay in Equestria because of friendship)

>>92591
>>92594

If I may butt in for a sec...

I've also had an idea for a OP/MLP crossover, but in this one, I would put the ponies in the OP universe in the OP character's roles, but with a completely fresh plot. But like >>92591
has said, it may seem to be an insult to some, plus, some people don't like these kind of crossovers no matter how original the plot is. Does anyone know the stance on this?

i just had the most awesome idea for a Jacob's Ladder pony cross over, and it would star Derpy!

The story begins in Ponynam, where Derpy's unit is stationed, after the camp is attacked, many of the ponies around derpy are getting killed and slaughtered.

cut into the future, she is the mailmare for a city post office, living with her new marefriend and is living a relatively comfortable life, until one day in the mail. she recieved a manilla envelope that has a bunch of pictures from her past, one of them being a sweet grey unicorn filly with messy blonde hair, which causes her to break down into tears.

throughout the movie, she sees demons and figments come to life, as she tries to figure out what happened that day back when she was attacked, and the dark truth about her daughter.

in the end, she learned that her unit was given an experimental drug that caused them to be extremely violent, called the ladder, for it's like climbing into the pits of hell. She reunites with her dead daughter, and they walk up the stairs of her apartment.

then cuts back to Ponynam, a derpy eye'd pegasus was brought into a medic station severely wounded, they declared that she has passed away, and for some strange reason, she had the most peaceful look upon her face...

>>92596
Original plot? No, that's a GOOD thing. The only reason I brought up "insulting" was to do with plagiarizing an original plot. Such as:

>>92597
<_<

That's the plot of "Jacob's Ladder" (which, nice spoilers for the record---unlike this show, that movie HAD a plot) with Derpy pasted in for Jacob.

>>92598

Ahhh, I see. But what would be the limit on how much you make it similar to the show? For example, in OP, there's a crew of (to my most recent memory) around eight people. The number of crewmates would be the same, their jobs would be at least relatively close, but their reasons for joining, their goals, etc. would all be different.

Same thing for settings. Maybe one or two similar locales for major parts, but the rest is up to the imagination. How would that go over?

>>92603
Well, if you're having the ponies stand in for crewmates, my first question is "why?"

After that, the main concern is that you don't just copy the plot of an already-existing episode.


Basically, you should give some reason to read your fanfic than to just go watch an episode of One Piece and/or My Little Pony.

>>92607
I counter with, well, most of the crossovers, a particular case being "The Muffin Queen" where the episode of Dexter's lab was copied pretty much to the point it was a recoloring of the episode.

Was it bad? Not at all, it was a funny little story which I can say I enjoyed to read and would let others know to read (and also watch the Dexter clip).

I believe the real question of a crossover is not if you take the plot (writing is basically highly ornamented and dissimulated plarigism) but rather if it makes sense with it. Had they put Fluttershy instead of Derpy then it wouldn't have made sense, but Derpy make sense and people will enjoy reading it.

So, in other words, justifying why the crossover isn't the main point, it is to make sure the story makes sense.

>>92607
>>92609

Both very valid points. Not that I have the time to write the story right now anyway, but I'll think about it in the future. Thanks for the help, everyone.

>>92609
Justifying the crossover is part of making the story make sense, though.

Read:
>I mean look at "Pinkie Pie talks to... One Piece Guy." Sure, that's an amusing scene, but does that warrant an entire plot around it? Could the plot work just as well if it was normal pirates? Could the story work just as well if it didn't involve ponies? If the answer to the former is yes, I'd dissuade you from crossing over in the first place; it just seems like a weak excuse to borrow content from an existing show.

>>92613
And I refer you to this section:
>Could the story work just as well if it didn't involve ponies? If the answer to the former is yes, I'd dissuade you from crossing over in the first place; it just seems like a weak excuse to borrow content from an existing show.

This is were we disagree. You can make a crossover, reuse the plot, and make a good story, trying to limit yourself because someone did it before it just what happened to Doctor Chaos with the Simpsons (just trying to make you laugh, that's all) where he thought that because someone else did you can't; that's simply not true.

In case you don't believe me, look up "El Brujo Postergado" and it's relationship to Don Juan Manuel.

At the end, the question is: is the story good and does it make sense? Then use away, but don't get angry if someone says your story is "Ponies, IN SPACE!!!" which is a valid criticism, but shouldn't stop you from writing it.

>>92618
It's just that, when you make a crossover, it has to involve elements of both stories crossing over with one-another.

That is to say, something has to be gained from it. Slapping ponies on it and changing nothing else isn't a crossover, because nothing is gained from it.

At the very least it needs an original plot. Otherwise you can replace the whole story with "Watch/read ______"

Going back to my Deathnote: Equestria example, That is not a crossover, because it is just Death Note. If someone were to say, "Hey Anon, do you recommend Death Note: Equestria?" I would say, "No, just read/watch Death Note. The difference is merely cosmetic."

Nothing is gained from adding ponies, and the story is exactly the same. So there is no point to it being there.

>>92632
Again, look at "The Muffin Queen", which is basically a rehash of a Dexter episode.

I will agree that if you say crossover you should make the relationship between the two overt, but repainting a character is not bad unto itself, the issue is that most forget the fact their repaints aren't the previous character, not an issue of reusing the storyline or not.

In other words, the writers are bad, not the concept.

I come with a story idea I've thought up but just come around to outlining. I've decided to post it here, since the vast majority of the stories are still in the 'brainstorming' phase.

The basic pitch is as follows:
The story of Equestria as we know it begins with the fall of the Western Powers, a cataclysmic chain of events set into motion by the ancient predecessor of Cloudsdale's re-enterence into the world stage. This story is dedicated to meshing the history of ponies and our history, along with a few other elements.

Anyway, the link is here. I've enabled comments to allow for discussion in-doc:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qGxT4ZQ16LzgQ5S7QCk71qPFQbS4BL0-UaNuEKMf-mg/edit

Basically, I'd like to hear whether this is a good idea or not, and whether I should drop it before I get too invested. I've written a few chapters as a sample of what to expect. All input is welcome, especially with names and alternate ideas for chapters. A lot of this is very tentative, and trying to shove 5,000 words into a few paragraphs forces me to leave out the subplots and most of the character development. Thank you in advance.

>>92633
Ask yourself, though, "Am I laughing because of the author's blending of two universes, or am I laughing because he's making an observational joke that there are similarities between two shows?"

Cookie-cutter crossovers are exceptionally bad because they're lazy plagiarism.

>>92639
I return with a very rough draft of the first chapter. Again, this is very new territory I'm wandering into so I think this might be the best area to post to.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pEmxgcT8k9Kd2NkqizO5IDwFIPmoo1OUzeKbGVKcJHo/edit

>>92750
If you want a review, you should go to the training grounds.
Although I suppose someone will give your story a quick read in here.
...
>Opens
Your introduction is a rather boring, telly affair. It's all the sort of stuff Luffy could explain via recounting his adventures.

This is excessively telly, meaning it's also rather boring.
For example:
>Twilight Sparkle nervously looked at the large dark cloud over her home, a large tree in the center of Ponyville that also functioned as the town’s library.
First of all, listing that information isn't necessary since any MLP fan knows that. Next, there's no pizzaz, just cut-and-dry explanation. Unless you're writing a story for your elementary-school brother to read, having such simple and drab exposition will shut your readers down faster than Rainbow Dash can fall asleep.

Yeah, I skimmed a bit more and then closed it. You should bring this to Chowder's thread, actually. He specializes in beginners, although there's only so much he can do about your lack of style.

>>92751
I would assume that he's asking us to look at his story, not the way it's presented, considering how this is the Story Forge. Think of it as an outline with a little more words. I guess.

>>92751
>Your introduction is a rather boring, telly affair. It's all the sort of stuff Luffy could explain via recounting his adventures.
Darn, I was worried about that. See, what I did was pretty much copy the little "what happened last episode" from episodes 405 and 408 of the anime.

So, I had this other idea while listening to the soundtrack for The Social Network.

Recently I've decided I need to read more pone. So I downloaded a bunch of the most famous fics; Fallout: Equestria, One Last Quest, Antipodes, stuff like that. I'm about 700 pages into Fo:E, and I'm just astounded by the creativity behind the world-building. The whole technological revolution of Equestria with magic was what impressed me most, as well as how the characters of the show were woven into starting it (Although it did strike me as a little forced at the start, I got over that pretty quickly.)

I was thinking about how that all worked, with Sweetie Belle owning Stable-Tec and all, and it struck me that this kind of thing would make a great story all on its own! (I'm not talking about a Fo:E fanfic, but just the general idea.) Another thing that I had in mind was Apple's recent bank-balance announcement: They recently announced that they have $108 billion in revenues, and their market cap is $545 billion. I found myself wondering: "Did Jobs and Woz ever imagine Apple would grow this big?"

I started thinking about the story of a technological revolution in Equestria; the ponies who started it, the ones that became richer then their wildest dreams from it, and the ones who didn't make it or got burned along the way. Maybe with a similar feel to The Social Network, but with the invention of a spell-microchip or spell matrix. I don't really have anything clear in my mind right now, but maybe two friends invent it (Kind of like TSN) and slowly drift apart as the idea gets bigger and crazier. The story can have two faces; the one which follows the divergence of these two best friends and also the bigger story of how radically Equestria is changing due to their invention. It could follow themes like:

• Friendship, and how even the closest bonds can bend and break
• Change, and dealing with it.
• Technology and its effect on the world.
• Money, and how it corrupts and blinds.

I'm sure I could never pull something like this off, but maybe someone else could?

And, I had another idea...

The story follows the life of a third-generation-living-in-Equestria zebra, struggling with work, love and subtle racism. (He doesn't speak in rhyme, since he grew up in Equestria.)

His passion is music. His dream is to spread his music across Equestria, but there's one problem: It's rap. No-one's even heard of it.

The story goes through his daily life, being an assistant to a unicorn researcher at the university, and his love interest (a pretty pegasus from an apartment on the floor below he sees at the store and park sometimes.)

He decides that he might as well try and and get a record deal somewhere, so he sends a letter to NeedleDrop Records. He gets a short, uninterested letter back, saying: 'We fear that the genre is niche, and you'd be better off trying a smaller record label which specializes in these kinds of releases.'

He looks down to the bottom of the letter, where there's a scrawly, pretentious-looking signature.

On behalf of active CEO, Vinyl Scratch
Singed,
Cherry Picks
VP of Acquisitions
NeedleDrop Records, Inc.

They didn't even ask for a sample! His anger simmers away a little as he realizes who owns the company. He comes up with a plan: He'll show Scratch his music himself!

He knows a Vinyl Scratch gig is happening soon, so he tries to get a VIP ticket which includes a little time with Scratch at the after-party. Perfect.

Except... The VIP tickets cost more than six months' wages. Argh!

Rent is up soon, and he needs that money. He thinks for a moment. Hell, you only live once, right?

He buys the ticket.

Since he's feeling so adventurous, he also decides to strike up some conversation with the pretty pegasus. She sneers at him like he's some kind of dirt and trots away.

Feeling defeated and suddenly very unsure about whether he made the right decision, he heads home. He then realizes he needs to get some food.

After shopping he gets home and realizes he is now completely, flat-broke. Everything rides on impressing Scratch.

Gig-day comes, and he's feeling sick with nerves. He goes to the gig and can't even hear the music. He's going through his own lyrics instead.

It ends, and he's soon at the after-party. He feels very, very out-of-place. Even more than normal. All of the ponies there are the type that can afford it; rich, my-daddy-owns-five-luxury-condos-in-Canterlot types kids. And they're all clamoring over Vinyl like another toy they can ask their daddies for, even though she's probably just as rich as them.

He watches as Vinyl manages to get away from the crowd and crash on the sofa with a drink. Two big, scary-looking stallions with dark shades flank her, daring anyone to try and talk to her. Well, fuck it. Might as well make the most of it. And at least the drinks are free.

He trots up to Scratch, trying to ignore the stallions scraping their hooves over the floor menacingly. Vinyl looks up from her drink, it's hard to work out her expression behind her shades, but she's smiling curiously.

"Get out of here, zebra," one of the guards spits.
"Hey, shuddup, Shove! Be nice!" Vinyl laughs. "Don't mind Push and Shove, they're nice guys, really. C'mon, sit over here!" She pats the spot on the sofa next to her.

He sits down next to her, smiling cautiously at Push and Shove. They just leer back. Ouch.

"So, d'you like the show?" Vinyl asks.
"Yeah, it was good... But that's not really why I'm here..."
"Oh?"

He tells her about his music. It's really hard to see how she's reacting without being able to see her eyes.

"Hmm."

He stares at her awkwardly, readying himself for: "I fear that the genre is niche, and you'd be better off trying a smaller record label which specializes in these kinds of releases."

Instead, she says: "Could you do some now?"
"What?"
"C'mon, show me some bars!"

"Um..."

His mind suddenly goes blank. Vinyl lowers her glasses and peers at him from over them, looking slightly worried.

"Alright, let me spit it straight:
your stallions don't scare me;
they're like bunch of fillies,
I'm only here to spit this, really, clearly,
I'm a rising star, call that shit Luna,
moving like a sun, Celestia's,
remember that I'm known for bad behavior,
got this whole place moving like a Wonderbolt tour,
I'm a fucking entrepreneur!
Make sure your holdings are secure,
call that Mare-yl Lynch,
I'm like a real zebra-finch!
And you know this ain't lip-synch—"

"Whoa, whoa, hold up!" Scratch squeals. "You, me, stage, now!"
"What?"
"I have the perfect beat for this, c'mon!"

So Vinyl pulls the zebra all the way to the stage, and she picks up a microphone.

"So, we have a very special guest here tonight, if you don't know him you really need to go listen to some more music and catch up on the scene, because this shit is hot! So, without further ado, let's blow up these speakers, shake up the house, make room for Striped!"

I guess my stage name is 'Striped' now...

I think it would probably be best as a first person narrative.
Kind of inspired by this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euNMP051HVE

>>92994
So he's a Zebra... who invents rap.

Tell me, does he wear gold chains and eat watermelon while he's at it?

>>93011
Um, no, I would imagine since zebras talk in rhyme, it wouldn't exactly be new. I would say he popularizes it in Equestria.

>>93011
no, that is racist. he eats chicken

>>93015
Last I checked, Zebras were herbivores.

Okay, it starts out with Twilight and her friends having a normal day, but it soon blurs out of focus for Twilight, and she hears a voice calling her "Miss Spark".

Apparently, the character turns out to be a human named Tabitha Spark, a 16 year old girl. She found Friendshiop is Magic a few years back, and used it to escape from her home life, which wasn't the greatest.

Eventually, though, she became obsessed with the show, and especially with Twilight. She dyed her hair to look like Twilight, started calling her teachers "Princess Celestia", and insisted her name was Twilight Sparkle (being 13-14 at the time, she was far too old for it to be just a kid's overactive imagination). Naturally, her parents became concerned and had her taken to a mental hospital.

The thing is, I don't want to be insensitive to those suffering from mental illness or their families, so I want to tread lightly when I write it. Any ideas you may have?

>>93034
Interesting idea, but I'm pretty sure it's kind of already been done.

If I'm not mistaken, there's a fic called 'The Cold, Empty Bottle of Sarsparilla' which features Pinkie Pie going through the same thing. At least, it was called something like that.

From what I see from the picture and description, it could be similar (I have yet to actually sit down and read it, though). But they also say that there's no new ideas anymore.

>>93037
That's true, but if you have the gall to redo someone's idea, just make sure you do it better than the original.

As for "not being insensitive to people with mental disorders," you should probably read up on case studies and other professional literature surrounding the illness, so you know what the people with that illness are like / go through.

You should also make sure that your illness actually has dissociative reality (or whatever symptom causes someone to think they're a pony in an alternate reality) as a symptom.

How far along are you in the next chapter of Summer days? i Reaaallly want to read it, youre an amazing writer Nicknack.

>>93051
Well, this spring, I'm currently taking a break from the summer romance story that I wrote during winter in order to write another romance that occurred in the autumn/winter months... so... June?

>>93052
Ok i guess i can wait that long. Thanks for the reply.

>>93055
For the record, I have no idea. I *hope* to be done soon, but then again, I thought I'd be done with this story in September, so... yeah, you can see how that worked out.

In the mean time, I might start posting Heart of Gold, Feathers of Steel on Fimfiction.net.

>>93057
Well take your time I've got a couple other stories to read in the meantime but heart of gold still tops the list. By the way I used to really dislike Gilda until I read this. Anyway good luck with the story, I've got high hopes for this one.

So, I'd like a little help with a character.

I'm currently brainstorming for a fic set about ten years in the future, when the mane 6 have all gone their seperate ways.

Among other things, Pinkie Pie is married (NO WAY she would pass up a party like that!). I want to make her husband a good fit for her, so I kinda started with her personality and worked backwards. The concept, copy-pasted below, is kinda rough, but I'm happy with it. I've given him the palceholder name of Happy--i know it's terrible, but i suck at coming up with names. I'd like to know what you guys think--if the character seems reasonable and if you think they'd work together (also, it's appreciate any suggestions for a name)...

Happy is an earth stallion with a golden coat and straight white mane (i.e. Surprise’s color scheme, reversed). He rarely walks anywhere, preferring to prance/skip like Pinkie does. He’s always incredibly happy, and very little actually gets him down. He loves to sing, even when he’s all by himself. He’ll occasionally compose a song on the spot; these are usually terrible enough to make everyone around, Pinkie included, bust up laughing. Whenever they need to dress formally (for their wedding or something) he does so eagerly, but with such an air of mock formality that no one takes him seriously.

Despite his somewhat ridiculous facade, Happy deeply cares for Pinkie. They have a bunch of little games they play: for example, they make up pet names for each other on the fly-- goofy, silly, nonsense ones like “Sugar Muffin.” Happy often plays elaborate pranks on Pinkie, which always have a love note or a little treat at the end. If Pinkie’s calling in life is to see everyone smile, Happy's is to see HER smile.

This isn't necessarily a story idea, but an idea I had about alicorns (to add another one to the growing pile). My idea is that alicorns did not occur naturally , but they are instead unicorns with such powerful magic that their horn grows longer, and they use their magic to give themselves wings (because seriously, who wouldn't want to give themselves the power to fly?). They could incorporate this change into their very DNA, so their offspring would be born with wings as well. In the history of Equestria, only Celestia and Luna have had enough magic to give themselves wings.

I hope that doesn't sound too weird. Magic has been used to explain odder things. I might put this theory into the fic I'm working on.

I still want to write "Friendship: The Gathering" because it's such a good name. Unfortunately, I don't know THAT much about MTG canon and wouldn't be even slightly prepared to write for the other Planeswalkers coming to Equestria. I also don't actually care about this idea enough to want to research it by reading MTG books...

Could I possibly do this without having to overstep what I know? Perhaps if the other Walkers' influence was all in the background, and the people themselves only show up very rarely?

I'll share my two cents.

The game of Tag (where you go an tag each other, duh.) is an ancient and cursed form of torture in Equestra.
If a pony is "it" they are cursed with bad luck. This usually revolves around everyone running for their lives from said pony.
Symptoms of being "it" include but are not limited to:
-Excessive flatulence
-Very unfortunate and not being able to win at anything
-Spoonerisms
-The fear of paper
-Eye twitches
-The mane standing on end for prolonged periods of time
-Laughing at the words "fluffy" and "marshmallow"

Also, no tagbacks.

>>93637

This idea sounds a lot like Fanwank--almost like you're trying to alter canon to "fix" the story. if unicorns can become gods through an act of will, why are there only two? And why are all three alicorns we've met girls?

If you want to keep this idea, I would change it so that they need to do something special to be Alicorns--it's not just a regular spell thqt gives them wings, but a dangerous, risky process that increases their magical power while giving them wings and/or a horn. Perhaps the Elements are invovlved? Even these small changes might be enough to make it work, and would also make it possible for pegasi, or, heck, even earth ponies, to go through the process as well. C

>>93699

Yeah, it isn't a fully formulated idea yet. But like I said, I don't see alicorns as a race that simply "died out." I would like magic to be involved somehow (when isn't it in this universe?), but you're right, essentially "wishing super hard to get wings" isn't the best kind of storytelling.

I'm also looking for ideas for an overarching conflict in the fic I'm working on. In it, Celestia shares memories (the framing stories) with Twilight in order to show her the complications of being an eternal ruler: immortality, possessing and controlling tons of magical power, being treated so formally by everypony around her...

Currently, I'm working on the flashback posts, so I can sort of skirt around the overall conflict for now, but I don't want to put it off for too long. Exactly what would Celestia want to share these memories and lessons with Twilight? That's why I was thinking about alicorns above: one idea is that Celestia wants Twilight to attempt the process of becoming an alicorn and rule Equestria along with her and Luna. Does this sound okay? Any other ideas?

>>93704

What if it's Celestia reflecting on her own past? I could see her, for example, presiding over a parade, and events, for some reason, remind her of her own story. She starts reflecting on it, and you get your flashbacks.

I don't like the idea of Twilight being co-princess with Luna and Celestia. Perhaps one or both of them wants to retire/die, and are preparing Twilight for the process?

>>93708

Well, I've thought about that, but would that still have any overarching conflict? And I also like the idea of Celestia being able to share her vast knowledge with Twilight.

Also, a big part of chapter one is how Celestia has lost every friend she has ever had. Perhaps she can't bare to lose another friend in Twilight Sparkle, the most faithful and magical student she has ever had, so she wants to make her immortal like her. Plus, I think at times, it would be tough for just Celestia and Luna to run an entire kingdom.

>>93710
Oh, man. The "Reflection" storyline could definitely have a conflict. It's an internal conflict, not an external one though.

For example: Celestia is presiding over court or some other big, public meeting. She sees a pony who reminds her of one of her childhood friends, which kicks off the flashback. The friend probably needs to die dramatically, which leads into her reflections about all the friends she's lost.

Perhaps later, Celestia grows close to someone else (another student?) and tries to bestow Alicorn-ness on her, but she ends up dying. Perhaps the friend was terminally ill already? Either way, Celestia feels rotten.

The conflict becomes: Celestia is an all-powerful god-queen who has very little control over her life, and the lives of those around her. Her flashbacks become a way to work through her issues.

Perhaps you could take the same story, but make it so she's telling Twilight the story, and ends with an offer to make HER an alicorn, so Celestia can "retire," whatever that entails.

>>93616

So, I posted an idea for Pinkie’s husband; it occurred to me that he’s basically a Rule 63 Pinkie. I wrote up a little bit of the story to see if I like him. It’s rough, but run with it.

In this segment, Twilight is going around meeting up with her friends. She’s in Manehattan(?) looking for Pinkie, and has just arrived at her address: a giant storefront called “The Party Place.”

===

The bell above the door dinged as Twilight walked through. She looked up and gasped.
The room was massive, easily twice as big as her old library. Tall shelves stood in long aisles, filled with all kinds of stuff--party hats, poppers, streamers, confetti, candy, the works. A big display in the center of the room showed off a tasteful arrangement for a wedding, mannequins dressed as bride, groom, and priest in the very center. Twilight stared around the room in awe, a slow smile creeping across her face.

Right at that moment, a stallion with a golden coat stepped out from one of the aisles. No, not stepped--more like "bounced." He carried a tall stack of precariously-balanced boxes on his back, and was singing cheerfully to no one in particular. As he rounded the corner, he saw Twilight and gasped. He carefully set down the boxes, and, in a flash, was at her side.

"Hell-o-o there," he said brightly, "my name is Happy Days, and welcome to the Party Place!" he grinned. "We're your number-one place for parties: we do..." he turned and bounced away, chanting in a singsong voice, "...birthdays, bridal showers, baby showers, batchelor parties..." now he was full-out singing in a mock bass voice, "graduation, ETC." one last bounce, and he stood behind the cash register. He leaned casually on the counter, and flashed her a smile. "so, what's your pleasure? Or your poison, if you prefer? We'd be perfectly pleased to provide both, Miss..."

Twilight laughed. She hadn't laughed like that in a long time. It really HAD been too long since she'd been around Pinkie.

Twilight wiped away a tear. "It’s actually ‘Mrs.’ Mrs. Twilight Sparkle."

He smiled even wider. "Mrs. Sparkle! Ooh, I love that--nice sound to it. Mrs. Spark-le," he sang again, his voice echoing around the room. Twilight laughed again.

Happy turned back to her. "So, what can I do for you, Mrs. Sparkle?"

She smiled. "I'm actually looking for Pinkie Pie. Is she in?"

Happy stared at her blankly for a moment. Then he broke into a roguish grin. "Oh, Mrs. Pi-i-i-e," he called brightly over his shoulder, " you have a v-i-i-sit-o-o-r..."

===
so, what do you guys think? Do you think this guy might work as Pinkie's OC husband?

Okay, so I have another, more original idea, loosely based off some basic thoughts I've had about life. Sometimes, I yearn for something more significant, for life to have more meaning. Or, I'll want to be able to do something incredible/impossible, like fly. But I know I will always be just me: nothing special.

This story would be from Pinkie's point of view, and switch between a handful of scenes from her life and diary entries she makes. In the action scenes, she would primarily be bouncing, happy Pinkie Pie, but in the diary entries her tone would be much more serious in tone. Afterall, our personalities with friends and while alone can be drastically different things. She would write about how sometimes she wish she could be a unicorn, and do incredible magic, or be a pegasus and fly. But she's a simple earth pony, and that will never change. She'll never be able to do anything special. That's how she would feel, at least. She wouldn't think that life is meaningless, but empty at times. The resolution would be her getting help from her friends and being able to focus on the happy parts of her life, not what she doesn't have.

It's sort of hard to describe what I'm going for, and I realize it sounds a little angsty/cheesy, but I'm going to mess around with it. Does this idea sound passable, at least? I'm trying to shoot for something a little more original.

>>93731
Be careful with having canon characters married at the start of a story. I'd imagine Pinkie and Happy would regal Twilight with the story behind their wedding, which could offset this issue. However, that brings up the question of where Twilight was when Pinkie got hitched. After all, marriage is like the penultimate step of friendship (having a child, I've always thought, would be the final one), and I'm sure Twilight wouldn't miss the chance to record observations on something as important as that. You could even play off of it by having Pinkie telling Twilight that love is like her Pinkie Sense; it can't be defined by statistics or facts.

>>93847

Hm. Good points.

Also, I'm curious: What made you choose that pic for your reply?

>>93896
Because I use my other Pinkie pics too often, and I figured it was tangentially related to fixing your idea.

This isn't just about an idea, more about writing advice/technique, but I didn't think it warranted a new topic, so I figured this would be the best place to ask.

>>93830

This is the post I made about an idea I had about Pinkie Pie feeling down because she doesn't think she's as special as the rest of her friends (in a nutshell). It starts when she sees Rainbow flying in an aerial acrobatics show, and she starts feeling this desire to fly swell up inside her. But she doesn't instantly just become all sad and mopy; the feeling is just in her head. One of the things I want to illustrate in the beginning is that if someone has a problem he or she considers silly, that person will hide it from his or her friends and act normal. Even though Pinkie Pie is slowly being consumed by this desire to fly, or be something more than she is, at the beginning it's all in her head. She feels a little down, but doesn't show it. My main question is: how to effectively express this emotion? I know it's best to show what characters are feeling through their actions, but in this case there is nothing to be shown. In this case, I can only tell. Would this be effective? Or would it just come off as flat? I can't just ignore the emotion; otherwise the rest of the story would be Pinkie and her friends doing normal things without conflict.

One thing I'm doing is having the story be broken up with journal entries by Pinkie, to directly get insight into her thoughts. But the whole story can't be just journal entries, leading me back to the problem I described above.

Another idea I had would be to have the physical manifestations of her sadness start out being extremely subtle, and mention how no pony else picks up on it: show and tell.

Anyways, it's kinda an experimental story. Basically, what it boils down to is: how to effectively convey a character's emotions when the emotion doesn't manifest into something physical? Or when traditional showing doesn't work?

Anyways, sorry for the long, somewhat rambling post. If this is the wrong place for this sort of discussion, point me in the right direction.

>>93932
I... honestly can't say. Maybe start the story off with her being her regular, obioviously obnoxious self, then have it slowly dial down as it progresses. Have her happy-happy-joy-joy slap the reader in the face, that way the slump is more pronounced. And after a while, make sure her friends notice the change as well. Perhaps Fluttershy notices it first, since she's the most empathetic, and Rainbow would be last since she isn't the type to notice subtle naunces.

>>93932

Pinkie's optimism and cheery nature seems to manifest mostly with physical cues(hopping etc) and the way she speaks. We've seen how she is when she's NOT super-duper happy and she almost competely reverts to a very 'normal' form of speech. I think this is what you should try to go for.

She adds color, shape, movement and cheery tones to her descriptions, when addressing people etc. If you start toning down on these gradually, you'd eventually have the reader see how she's losing steam, so to say.

>>93932

There are a few subtle cues you could use. Perhaps her smiles are strained or fake, or, a personal favorite, she has a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

Perhaps a friend asks her how she's feeling, and she smiles really big, but as soon as they turn away, she drops her smile, maybe frowning or hanging her head.

Just do something to indicate that the emotions she's displaying aren't genuine.

>>93961

You could also have her do things when her friends aren't around--perhaps she loses interest in things she likes to do by herself? Maybe she just lays on her bed and stares at the wall? If you write these well, they could be really effective showing.

>>93940
>>93952
>>93961
>>93965

Thanks, you guys. I didn't expect so much feedback on such an odd/experimental idea. My main concern was that I wouldn't be able to convey Pinkie's sense of helplessness effectively, but your ideas have helped.

My main question is: does this idea seem believable? This is why I need to be able to convey her emotion so well, to illustrate that although her problem seems silly, it's genuine in her eyes. What makes it even more hopeless is that it's a problem she'll never be able to change.

>>93978

Pinkie Pie strikes me as having some deep self-esteem issues (If you want more detail, let me know). Thus, I see her sinking into depression as working rather well.

That said, I'm not sure her friends' talents would cause her to sink into the depression. Pinkie is special in her own way--she sings, she bakes, and (most) people like her. Perhaps she devalues her own talents, instead of helping with her own.

>>93979

...wow, that last bit made no sense.

What I was trying to say: Perhaps Pinkie thinks that her talents aren't all that awesome. Applejack can bake, Rarity can sing, and everyone likes Fluttershy. Maybe she begins to see her own talents as worthless, and her other friend's talents as better/more significant.

>>93979

One thing I want to illustrate in this story is that depression, or sadness, or whatever can strike at the most innocent of moments, especially when it comes to an issue such as self esteem. Seeing Rainbow fly would remind her of something really cool she can't do. This would snowball, and she begins to think of other ways in which she's inferior: she can't do cool magic like Twilight, she doesn't run an important farm like Applejack, or create beautiful dresses like Rarity. In her eyes, she just throws parties and bakes. She feels like she has no useful talents. She loses her grip on reality: she forgets she has wonderful, loving friends, and instead focuses on what she doesn't have. She can't shake this desire to be something more, no matter how hard she tries.

Some of this doesn't make perfect sense (why would seeing Rainbow fly for the billionth time cause her to be jealous?), which is why I have her start a journal so she can explore her thoughts and try to figure out why she's feeling so down. Here's an excerpt from her journal the day she begins feeling this way:

It's funny. I had seen Rainbow fly how many times? Hundreds? I never gave it a second thought before. It was just one of those things I accepted. But then, to be jealous for some reason? To want it for myself? There's simply no explanation for it. Was my mind somehow slightly weaker that day? Did my "silly thoughts filter" fail? Who knows. All that matters is that it's stuck in my head now, burrowed in my mind like a parasprite. It left me vulnerable to what happened next: when Rarity said her dressed were going to be featured in some magazine. I should have been ecstatic for her. But I wasn't. It was a just a reminder of how I really haven't done anything with my life.


It is a fairly ambitious idea, so I hope I can pull it off.

>>93982

Hm...perhaps try doing away with the journal? It feels a little artificial.

Perhaps Pinkie is watching RD fly, and she notices first he first time, her expression: pure joy. Pinkie tries to reflect on the last time she felt like that, and perhaps can't come up with a memory. She's troubled, and when she goes to see Rarity and hears about her dresses, Pinkie watches her expression, and sees something she doesn't feel either (pride?).

This is what snowballs: she feels she's not feeling success the way her friends are.

>>93983

I'll have to see about the journal. I'd like to get inside Pinkie's direct thoughts as this whole thing is unraveling, and a journal seems to be the best way to do it. She thinks her problem is silly and doesn't want to bother her friends with it, which is why she writes her thoughts down.

I'll keep writing the story and see if I can effectively tell it without the journal.

>>93984

Third-person omniscient narrator might work well.

"It's funny. She'd seen Rainbow fly--how many times? Hundreds? She'd never given it a second thought before. It was just one of those things she accepted, like the color of the sky or the feel of grass under her hooves. But then, to be jealous for some reason? To want it for herself? She simply couldn't explain it."

>>93985

Ooh, good idea. Couldn't that also be third person limited, if I was only focusing on Pinkie's thoughts?

But third person lacks the emotional impact of first person. I'll have to see what I want to do.

Somehow, this idea came from my mind recently in the pre-reader IRC, but I don't think I'll write it. I'll just dump it here.

In short: the story looks like a bog-standard shipfic at first, except it becomes about somepony going on a mass murdering spree with a knife.

The title would be Slash Fiction

>>93992
Sounds like one of those stories that just builds up to a pun (Better Nate than Lever, anyone?). Not that there's anything wrong with that, you just have to be careful basing an entire story off of something as so-bad-it's-good as that.

I can't remember the name of it, but there was a book made by several accomplished writers a few decades ago that was desgined to be a stealth parody of the harlequin genre. The only consistent thing in the story was the main character's name. Beyond that, every "chapter" (which concluded with a gratuitous sex scene) had no linearity. It was poorly written on purpose and they eschewed from anything that would have made the story decent, trading meaningful build-up for instant gratification.

Needless to say, much to their chargin, it sold like hotcakes and became a best-seller.

Anyone here up to making the officially unofficial /fic/ shitstory extravaganza?

>>94005
I'm pretty sure you guys already did that once.

Now it's gone.

>>94050
Are you referencing HORI or the /fic/ collaboration? Because HORI was done by one person, and the collab was supposed to be at least decent (and it never went past mildly sensual). This would be a so-bad-it's-bad, cross-the-line-twice shitfic, the kind that could give even Ponyfall a run for its money on the sliding scale of crappy story vs. popularity. The only common element would be the main character, and not even their personality, just the same physical description. No one would have an idea of what another writer was making, thereby ensuring the story would have an incomprehensible plot progression (being that there wouldn't be one).

>>94005
I know of at least two books that fit that description: Naked Came the Stranger and Atlanta Nights. Both are very, very bad.

>>94125
Naked, that's the one.
You think we can capture the essence of what made it so purposefully terrible?

>>92571
Related to the above post:

I'm working on editing a journal-based fic. Again, this is a character sharing selected entries from her journal with a third party (Probably Celestia).

A problem I'm running into is the timeframe. Often, the entries she shares are separated by months and years. I think I can make the individual entries work, but I'm not sure how to talk about how much time has passed between entries.

In my original draft, which didn't have the frame narrative, the narrator would reference the other entries: "It's been a year since Event X." However, this doesn't seem very journal-y to me, now that I think about it.

I could always have her say "Oh, this entry comes six months later" before the entry itself starts, but that seems like it would get old really fast.

I could also have her put her age on the entries, but that will only work when she's really small.

Lastly, I could date the entries, but that would require me to come up with a calendar (or at least a reasonable-sounding year), and I feel it wouldn't be as clear as the other methods.

Any thoughts?

>>94145
Simply Rarity is the best use of a journal format I've read in the fandom so far. I'd suggest giving it a read for ideas on how to do it.

>>94149
Also Black & White, but it's not so much a journal as it is a letter.

However, do not follow their example of using Times New Roman. Times New Roman is bad. The only reason anybody uses it is because it was a default in MSWord for a while, and because people are afraid of change and things they don't recognise. Use Georgia. Georgia is great.

>>94153
>Times New Roman is bad
You shut your horse mouth!

>>94158

>>94149
>>94153

Why.
WHY WHY WHY WHY.
Why would you do such a thing?

I read both the fics, and they answered a bunch of my questions. But now I have more questions than I started with.

Specifically, how can I measure up?

I LOVED both of those fics, even Black and White--and slashfics ordinarily drive me INSANE. But now, I don't know if I can measure up. I know that's not the point of writing fanfiction, but it still kinda hurts.

I think the question I was asking is different than the one I typed--how can I tell the story I want to tell, with a mix of present and past tense? I think that's a question I need to answer on my own, but I think I'm closer now.

Thanks for letting me whine, guys. I'm going back in my cave now.

(And, I happen to really like Times New Roman. I use it for everything I type that doesn't go on the internet)

>>94176
Most people consider Simply Rarity to be among the best fics in fandom (myself included), and I happen to think that Black & White is too. Don't fret too much that you can't measure up.

I think that's something I need to tell myself more often.

So I had a kind of out-there idea for my next fic, once I'm done with the one I'm currently working on (Smiling Flowers)...I was inspired by the amazing, amazing movie Exit Through The Gift Shop.

Basically, a story about the few months following the Grand Galloping Gala. Octavia falls into a brief depression due to having the most important performance of her life ruined by the Mane 6....depression which becomes anger when she discovers that Princess Celestia is the one who invited them, and did it specifically to inject some "fun" into the Gala.

In an angry act of revenge, Octavia spray paints a statue of Celestia in the middle of Canterlot green. She was just acting out of blind revenge and letting steam out, but it ends up being the catalyst for her becoming an extremely controversial street artist in Canterlot. There's no precedent in Canterlot for street art (whether it's legal or not, that is), so she's able to continue with graffiti without fear of arrest, but it ends up instead sparking a massive debate in Canterlot as to whether or not it should be allowed, with her at the center of it, torn by the dueling arguments of "it's art and expression" vs "it's defacing property and wrong".

Basically, a story about expressing yourself, using street art as the medium. There's a LOT more to the story, but that's the basic idea of it. I even want to name it Exit Through Canterlot as a tribute to the movie it's inspired by (Which, btw, you should totally see if you haven't).

Anyone have anything to add to that, or feedback on the general story?

>>94203
Could be interesting, but the connection between Octavia and street art is tenuous at best.
Perhaps Jet Set Radio starring Scootaloo?

>>94206

It is tenuous, but that's exactly what I'm going to go into in the story...how the one act of anger leads to her learning about it, embracing it, using it to express herself, etc etc. Another connection in the story will be through her BFF Vinyl Scratch, who had been encouraging her to express herself for some time, and really wants Octavia to embrace the controversy and fame that the one act of vandalism brings her.

Also, Jet Set Radio Scoot would be amazing.

>>94206

I would fund you with a lifetime supply of pudding.

Also, on a non-related note, how's Wakfu?

>>94206

Jet Set Radio wasn't a genuine or serious statement about graffiti as art. It was just a formulation of the whole idea of the rebellious teens vs. the oppressive police state.

Octavia fits because fanon thinks of her as a serious artist.

>>94219
>Doesn't like pudding

Quite good. The plot isn't braindead, there's some honestly funny humour in it, and the action is very fluid and dynamic (if a little repetative, thanks to the anime trope of let's-have-a-ten-second-cut-of-this-character-twirling-his-sword-like-he-does-in-every-episode). The subbing leaves much to be desired, though (egads, so many punctuation and syntax errors! Makes me wish I had the know-how and drive to re-subtitle it). One thing I've been puzzling over is how the show is animated. Is it a mix of 3D and 2D?

>>94203
Heehee!
I do love a good Banksy, I went to his cool exhibition thingy in Bristol ages ago. He made all these moving sausages in cages for guinea pigs, which was kind of crazy...

Feels weird to choose Octavia though. Maybe you need to invent a quirky, snide, douchebaggy Banksy OC? Or maybe you need to make up a boring old boring OC and have him be inspired by the work of a quirky, snide Banksy OC only to discover that quirky, snide Banksy OC is was actually his best friend or something? (Y'know, cuz Banksy's all mysterious 'n stuff...)

>>94240

To be perfectly honest, I've NEVER liked making OCs. I prefer working with characters who already exist. My current story has one OC, and he's in it for exactly one scene before he's thrown into a crate and never heard from again, save for a few memories of stuff he said in his one scene.

Plus, I'm absolutely in love with Octavia's character design, and I think I could work an interesting story out of both the street art and her music making. For me at least, it's more interesting for Octavia to become a Pony Banksy. A Flanksy, if you will.

...I should write that down. "Flanksy"...

>>94237

Glad to hear you like it! It does have its cliché moments, but thankfully the fluidity of the animation often makes me forget about them, especially when they start using some really fancy choerography, like in Ep. 17(not gonna spoil it, in case you're not there yet).

Sadly, I have to agree on the sub quality, it's pretty damn horrendous. An actual sub team only surfaced near the very end, that's why the first half especially is really hectic. From what I've heard, it's kind of difficult to translate it anyway, because the show uses a truckload of puns, such as Amalia supposedly dropping plant-puns all the time.

I sadly don't know much about the animation though, aside from the fact that it's done in Adobe Flash.

>>http://derpy.me/WFF1K

This is a link to a thread on the Wakfu forums that has a translated interview with the creators of the show and they do go into the technical stuff a little.

>>94252
The link went to Wakfu's main page >_>
Have you played the game? I've been wondering if it's any good.

>>94258

The site is often pretty damn faulty. Google "wakfu flash animation" and follow the first link.

I've tried the game, it's not bad. The animation is fun, but the F2P part is pretty restrictive and there's a LOT of grinding involved.

>>94279
Doesn't work. Keeps redirecting to the main page, even when I copy/paste the link in myself.

Yeah, I heard about that, too.

I've been mulling about a sort of pseudo-tyrant Celestia idea. I don't like to think of her as a natural tyrant, but as a pony who loves to embrace her power when appropriate. For example, when executing a convicted murderer. She wouldn't feel much remorse, because she's seen tons of friends die. In her eyes, the killer would just die of natural age in a blink of her eyes.

That's about all I have right now, and it needs some serious work. For one, there's no really conflict in "Celestia uses awesome magic to execute somepony." At best, the story would be cool and well written and explore a different side of Celestia. At worst, it would be considered a troll fic if I make it too gruesome and shallow. I just really want to write a sort of grim dark fic right now.

>>94344
There doesn't really have to be a conflict really.

It could be one of those "a peek into the mind of ___" fics.

Two things related to the story I'm working on.

Firstly, does Dash's favorite board game—the Battleship-like one—have a fanon name?

Secondly, do you recognize any of the following names? If not, what do they put you in mind of?
-Dabih
-Algol
-Tarazed
-Sadalbari
-Alcor

>>94428
I recognize them, and off the top of my head remember the constellations most of them belong to. I just can't remember the Bayer designations for them.

An Idea popped into my head today, rather another (OH GOD) HiE fanfic, but rather instead of the perspective of the human it's focused on the perspective of Celestia.

The backstory is that throughout the ages of pony-society that there has been incursions of individuals and groups at seperate times in different areas of time coming in, and the story focuses on Celestia's actions to be the hidden hand in the play, of where everything is trying to be orchestrated by her with varying degrees of success.

Celestia will be portrayed as a godlike figure that has sacrificed the omniescent ability for the ability of being a physical avatar of the universe. Where Luna is the exact same counterpart and they both have a merged conciousness (Two ponies, one mind split in half) with the same ability.

>>94730
What?
You might need to be a bit more clear with that explanation. I get the gist, but the specifics ellude me.

So this side story idea came from someone as I was outlining my own story. Since I have no interest in writing it, I'll throw it up here.

Story:

Twilight Sparkle goes into Diamond Dog territory to help them find gems after their unpleasent meeting the last time she was present. (either by order of Celestia or her own desire to be nice, either works)
Her power to illuminate multiple stashes of gems allows her to assist the dogs in their never ending search for gems. She visits weekly and helps increase Pony / Dog relations.

Have fun with it, or not. Again, just something that had come up and seemed like it might pan out to be something worth while.

This plot bunny is keeping me awake. It's a starting block for a sort of abominably convoluted, senseless hydra of a tale with multiple sub-plots. What it says in the title (Alien-in-Equestria and TMM&TFM). Not sure I have the skills (or guts) to flesh it out in full prose but I may in the future (or someone else might), so, I am posting it here first.

Overarching plot:
After the obscure news of Pinkie Pie's Pegasus-less flight gradually spread through Equestria in the form of true rumors, non-winged ponies had been trying their hooves at it, as what had become a dangerous hobby and pastime. Many had failed and been injured, yet the successes of a few at approaching or replicating the pink earth pony's flight kept many optimistifemoral arteryil one day, Princess Celestia caught on to this new fad. She was amused by the non-winged ponies flying around in noisy, absurd contraptions powered by magic (or pony leg power), wanted to take part in this new phenomenon her earthbound subjects had manifested, and saw potential in developing this technology, if only to further the science underlying airflows when unassisted by Pegasus magic. So, she funds a flying competition: a non-stop air race from Canterlot to Manehatten. Many pegasi perceived the phenomenon and the Princess' sponsorship of the madness as silly and useless, but a select few radicals foresaw their jobs at stake, and plotted to sabotage the competition...

The Pinkie Pie plot intro
(In-the-past things revealed mostly through "dialogue" and flashbacks)
A non-corporeal (thought-being) alien named Rutahr had arrived in Equestria. This interloper was an engineer on its homeworld, exiled for laziness and lack of sufficient contribution to its society. It knew no laughter, believing (as taught to it) that the worth of a life is defined by its productivity and practical usefulness to other lives. Pinkie Pie, whose nervous system is a veritable psionic conduit (and this is what grants her the Pinkie Sense), had inextricably drawn the alien into her, becoming its unwilling host. In the symbiotic bond, Pinkie Pie had driven her extraterrestrial demon insane with her Pink mind. Rutahr had greatly desired escape. It disrespectfully disdained her career of confectionary / party hostess, thinking it impractical and frivolous, and wanted nothing to do with her. But in response to its bitterness, she had just laughed inwardly at it, further driving it mad.

It then had begun to insult her lifestyle and career. Pinkie, being awesomely tactful and understanding, wanted to cheer it up by giving it some way to apply itself and feel better. So, she then had challenged it to put up or shut up, by making something more useful to pony society than mirth-sharing and spirit-lifting through parties. Rutahr then shared with her, mind-to-mind, all its knowledge of fluid dynamics and the secrets of flight, and guided her through the construction of the Pinkie-Copter. Rutahr felt more at home doing something it was familiar with, and in this process, sharing in the fun, Rutahr and Pinkie Pie bonded and soon were on better terms with each other. However, Pinkie inexplicably held back her thoughts of the machine's impracticality, wanting Rutahr to simply enjoy the process. Rutahr, however, was dead serious - inspired, it had envisioned far greater machines piloted by single ponies lifting and moving goods (and passengers) - rather than occupying scores of pegasi for the same task.

The Cakes saw the creation and expressed their disapproval that she had taken three days off work for a contraption that was useless in lieu of Pegasi and hot air baloons providing all of the necessary air-lifting work of Equestria. Slightly dismayed, Pinkie Pie stowed the 'copter until the day Gilda would wreck it. Rutahr, being one of low self-esteem, finally caved into the inevitability of living inside the mind of a partyholic confectionary and fell silent for years, going along for the ride...until one day it saw through Pinkie Pie's eyes a flyer on the community bulletin board for a 100k-bit-first-place-prize non-pegasus air race competition to take place four months from that day, at the end of summer.

With the moral support of her friends and Rutahr, Pinkie Pie then builds a new flying machine, and arranges transportation of it and her to the plateau behind the mountains of Canterlot where aviators from around Equestria gather to compete in the preliminary fly-offs, and to prepare for the great race...

The Flim & Flam plot intro
Flim & Flam, being no strangers to engineering, entered the competition in hopes of rebuilding their cider machine (which was wrecked in an unfortunate incident) and thus revive their failed cider business. However, they are total neophytes to the construction of flying machines, and with precious few bits buy a book by a loopy self-proclaimed aeronautical engineer (unicorn grad school dropout). Working a very tight schedule/budget and with materials conjured by magic or salvaged from scrapyards of towns they revisited, they attempt to follow the book's instructions to build a flying machine. Getting their dapper selves covered in grease becomes the least of their worries as nothing quite turns out as it's supposed to, tensions run high and they desperately try to get their infernal machine off the ground. Eventually, they find that going by the book isn't always the right way, and their combined brainpower eventually produces a flying machine that just might win them their business back. But they aren't leaving anything to chance; they have a few tricks up their sleeves for the other competitors. Little do they know that other ponies (the radicals) will beat them to the chase in sabotaging other contestants, and having a change of heart, they try to warn the others and convince everyone else that they had no part in the disasters that occur during prelim & practice flights.

The Great and Powerful Trixie plot intro
After her humiliation in Ponyville, Trixie returned to the industrial/mining city of Coltwood, where she had grown up, to seek refuge with her parents and brother as she works in the mines to fund the rebuilding of her fold-out stage caravan of tricks (using the same construction smarts she had learned from her family of engineers growing up). Her brother had very much gotten into the flying fad, and (to the chagrin of his father, who thought it was ridiculous) had built a working aeroplane, and had a far better design in the making. However, the health of Trixie's brother had gradually decayed over the years, as his day job of geological engineer in the mines had exposed his lungs to unhealthy amounts of mineral dusts, and a few days after the announcement of the air race to be held, he dies of respiratory disease. In his honor, and to regain her independence, Trixie taps into her resolve and finishes a flying machine based on his notes. With a very successful airplane, she then flies herself to the plateau behind Canterlot for the preliminary competition...

Miscellaneous Plots/other contestants among many:
- An Appleoosan pony aviator with a wandering eye who tries to woo Trixie, but is clumsy/unsuccessful in that Trixie is of too strong/independent a personality to fall for his wiles.
- A wealthy entrepeneur from Neighpoli, who brings his entire (huge) family with him to the event
- The nutty, self-proclaimed engineer who wrote the book that the Flim/Flam brothers tried to follow.
- The radicals, who are secretly led by Gilda. Griffins have a belief of near-religious strength that flying machines are an abomination by allowing non-winged creatures to fly...

I'm thinking that, after all the setbacks, disasters etc., Pinkie Pie will end up winning but starting an aircraft R&D / manufacturing business, hiring the other contestants, and giving them all generous shares in the company's stock. It's the shenanigans in the middle I haven't come up with yet.

>>94751
...Oh lawd.
> optimistifemoral arteryil
> optimistifemoral arteryil
> o-p-t-i-m-i-s-t-i-c (((ellipsis, followed by a space))) U-n-t-i-l
Hey, Celestia... April fools' day is over yo.

>Continuing from the discussion that started over in the 'Ask an EqD Prereader' thread. Ion suggested we talk here so why not?

If we were to do another one of these, how would we avoid the fiasco that happened last time?

>>94840
Just gonna repeat what I said in the last thread.
Set some ground rules and have the ability to remove parts if the majority votes against it.

The story should stay firmly centered on two or three characters. Any more and it'll become diluted. Divergence from the main plot should also be discouraged.

To avoid a hasty ending, the rotation will be circular. In essence, do a Valve and adopt the "It'll be done when it's done" approach.

That's all I've got for now.

>>94843
Additionally, add in a bit about selecting a general topic before hand. Otherwise whoever picks first can dictate something like... oh I don't know, Luna x Celestia shipping. And some people may not be okay with that.

>>94847
Heh.
Applemac, anyone?
But yeah, we could have a vote from a pool of choices beforehand.

>>94852
It'd probably be a good idea to agree on not having subplots as well, unless greenlighted by the rest.

>>94862
See:
>>94843
>Divergence from the main plot should also be discouraged.
:/

Here's a cringeworthy idea for a dark, Cupcake-esque tale inspired by Rainbow Dash's aversion to having her hooves touched:

Pinkie Pie restrains Rainbow and tortures her to the point of madness by administering a pony pedi. Rainbow endures as brutal an emery boarding as can be imagined with a bare shred of her sanity still intact, only to be driven over the edge when Pinkie demands of her minion, "Gummy, fetch me a bottle of Forever Vermillion. I have hooves to enamel."

To which circle of Hell have I consigned myself?

>>95016
Probably the sixth. You'd need to paint her hooves to get into the seventh.
Could make for a fun parody.

Also, as long as we're on the topic of hooves, has anyone wondered about what role horsehoes play in the show?

>>95016

I could see that working if you replace Pinkie with Rarity.

In fact, I'd love to see something where it switches between their perspectives:

When you're in Rarity's perspective, it's a calm story about her giving Rainbow a pony pedi and making polite conversation, saying she had to hold Rainbow down to ensure that she could help her experience the wonders of the pedi.

But when you're in Rainbow's perspective, it's this horrifying story that has Rainbow viewing it as pure torture, freaking out in her brain, etc etc.

The contrast between the two styles would drive the comedy/parody of the story.

>>95016
Ok, if I may develop your story more:

There is a serial make-up artist loose in Ponyville, all the victims are knock-out before they can see the perpetrator, waking up very well-arranged and very, very well-groomed. Rainbow Dash, the only one who seems to find this to be more than just a worrisome annoyance, decided to go looking for the perpetrator, and embarks with Pinkie Pie in discovering who the "horrible" criminal is, closely following Rarity and the Spa twins as more clues point in their direction but leave nothing definitive, slowly weaving themselves to the great reveal: Pinkie Pie has decided she wants to show all the Ponyvillians how they can look nice and happy if they give it a shot (inspired by her fiasco with the mule) so she went in a secret mission/prank to get this done, all helped by Fluttershy who will always be in the "crime" scene but Rainbow Dash will always dismiss. Rarity, who would be the one who actually solves the mystery, would be wondering why Flutteshy has been hanging around so much her boutique and asking her opinion about design and clothing and such.

Close to the end, your thing were Rainbow Dash is being prep in the most beautiful outfit you can imagine (this would be filled to the brim with written custom porn[ http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CostumePorn ] and quite possibly may make up and fashion terminology) and her seeing how her crusade against this was silly.

Then remind her she got fancy for the Grand Galloping Gala and end with that.

Yep, this idea stupid, and I like it because it is stupid and fills my daily need of crackfics.

>>95019
Hmm. Interesting. I might have to have Fluttershy get in on the act. I love to find plausible reasons for the least likely ponies to act as far out of character as possible. There's just something about Fluttershy going all Torquemada on RD that has a perverse appeal to me (not that it would be that way from Fluttershy's perspective, of course).

>>95025
What? No AJ and Twilight? :) Be careful, what you propose creates a serious danger of resulting in a story.

[And please forgive my comma splice.]

>>95028
Well, at this point I'm making an outline for the thing, so if you want to write it be my guest, but I'll probably end up writing it myself at some point in the far future.

>>95031
Have at it. Having contributed one tenth of the one percent inspiration (and you the other nine tenths), I'm happy to see someone else contribute the ninety-nine percent perspiration.

I would note that your treatment sounds a bit like Makeovers by Mare Do Well ("Who was that masked stylist?"), which is a perfectly fine thing in my estimation.

My fic needs ponified names for things like gun manufacturers, computer companies, and web providers. I am having a lot of trouble with this. Good ideas will go straight into my fic!

Hey, I'm starting a fic regarding the origin of a certain character. The point is, I need some help with giving the language of the humans a name. To clarify what's in the story, there's three human states that reside a decent distance away from Equestria, with large mountains and the Everfree Forest acting as barriers.

Each use the universal language (I just want each of the planet's races to use different names for the language), but I lack a proper name to give what the humans have named their language.

Any ideas?

>>95145
Terran works

>>95148
Heh.

>>95148

Not sure how much that's been used is the problem. I mean, the fact you're using that as your name is proof enough that it must be somewhat popular.

>>95148


But who was that mysterious, masked, cloaked, long-range reviewer?

>>95157
I'm sure that, whoever he was, there was a real handsome face underneath that mask of his.

>>95157
I know from a good source it was Raging Semi.

>>95159

I was thinking maybe a story where a new pony comes to ponyville and he/she is super cool/ epic and the mane 6 fight over him/her until they brwak up and realize what they did

>>95179
So basically a fic about a new villain on the same scale as NMM/Discord who intends to deharmonize the EoH by casting a spell to make himself seem irresistible to them (kinda like that spell Twilight cast on that doll).

Throughout the fic, he is manipulating them into turning on each other and trying to tear apart their friendship and turn them against their elements. Like, he makes Rainbow think all of her friends betrayed her or he makes Applejack think all her friends are lying to her (which I guess they kinda will be since he's making them.)

At the end they all realize that they're acting out of character and that he's evil (maybe Twilight overhears him loudly talking to himself about his evil plan?) and so they hatch a plan of their own. At first they pretend to still be under his control but then they all pull some elaborate scheme that causes his downfall.

Would anyone read a fic about Rarity or Fluttershy struggling with trichotilomania? Trich is a disorder where people pull hair and have a very hard time stopping. I've been struggling with it, and I'm just realizing how little this disorder is acknowledged or known of.
I was hoping to create awareness, and making it able to be more understandable by using a character many people care for.

What do you think?
I also can't decide which pony to use as the main character. I'm leaning more toward Rarity, myself. I imagine she'd be much more creative in hiding it, and I can relate to her as an artist, among other things.

>>95297

It's certainly an interesting idea you have there. Using a fanfic as a way to create awareness of something is a good idea, especially for a cause like that that's fairly unknown.

The only thing you should avoid is to make it a story rather than an after-school special. Don't make it too cliche, avoid the stuff that would make it sound like a PSA rather than a telling story, etc etc.

As far as characters go, Rarity is the obvious choice. Not only, as you said, would she have the best ways to hide it, but with the stress of her job, it seems like she would be the most likely to suffer from something like that.

>>95308

Thank you! I sort of got my idea from a support group I started going to. The host of the group showed us a children's storybook about a cockatiel that pulled out the feathers off her head. I thought it was such a good idea to introduce the concept to anyone, child or adult.
What's a good way to avoid the after-school special feel? I was hoping to avoid both that and being preachy by basing it off of my own experiences with having the disorder, hiding it, people's reactions, etc. I was also going to try to avoid excessive angst, but keep it realistic.

>>95189
yes! but you made it sound even more interesting!

>>95315

Simple - tell a story.

Don't just go "Ok, I'm going to teach everyone about trichotilomania". Simply use it as a way to guide the story, rather than just presenting "here is this disorder, rarity has it, but her friends are ok with it."

>>95315

Actually I would say don't be shy about angst. The disorder is supposed to drive the story, right? Rarity seems like the type who would be ashamed of something like that. I see the angle of her not thinking her friends would take such a "silly" problem seriously, her feeling like she can't let people know for the sake of her reputation, etc. This could even pass for a [normal] episode-esque sappy fic.

>>95336

I meant that I wanted to keep it to a realistic level, based on my own experience. For every ounce of sadness there's two or three of shame and frustration.
I've started writing it, actually. Where would I go here for critique once I've finished more?

>>95189
I feel like the magic is a bit repetitive because Discord
and trixie had it.

Perhaps the power of of persuasion to spread lies about the mane 6.

E.g he tells rainbow dash that applejack thinks she isn't the fastest flyer. And maybe he uses magic to increase this illusion.

>>95351

Maybe he finds little jealousies, doubts, and annoyances and uses these harmless little seeds into terrible thorns made of lies. Or something.

>>95351
>>95359
But the whole point was to try to turn some dude's "clever" joke into an actual story idea. Kinda like what I did waaay earlier with the Rainbow crashing thing.

Doesn't work unless the Mane six start fighting over him/her until they "brwak up and realize what they did."

Besides, without magic, its hard for him to pose a genuine threat to Equestria while still making some sort of trial to challenge their elements.

Kind of had a strange idea that needs some help.
The basic premise was that almost everyone on Earth becomes a pony, some people made the choice not to. The story revolves around that fact that Celestia calls up and ask every Human why they didn't switch.
Taking place in the form of a Greek Discussion, The OC and Celestia talk about the relative merits of humanity and the reasons for becoming a pony. Seemed philosophical in my head which was cool.

On a lazy afternoon, Derpy watches some television but notices something odd when every single channel happens to feature different ponies in bizzare alternate universe situations: Everything from buddy cop shows to space operas to westerns and even a show featuring the mane six as a super sentai team.
I've never written ponyfics before, but I just want to get started with some "practice stories" more or less, mostly comedy.

>>95402
Sounds like a Conversion Bureau fic to me.

Another thing you have to ask though is, why would they even want to become a pony to begin with?

Is anypony already writing a Cloudchaser/Flitter ship fic?

>>95417

FWIW, I'm almost positive they're sisters.

>>95426
Never stopped anyone before.

>>95427

In fact, if anything, it just makes people more eager to write it.

So really quickly, anybody have a quick idea for the name of a flower that would only grow in Equestria...specifically, in Canterlot?

>>95432

>People are eager to write sibling shipping

I am alternately thrilled and horrified to be part of this community. See pic for my feelings on this particular subject.

>Flower
An easy one would be to use the name "Canterlot" somehow--something like the "Canterlot Golden Daisy."

>>95432
Pony + posey = Ponsey (for the bad puns!)
Canterlot Carnation?

>>95432
Royal Rosemary?

Cantertuft? (comes from candytuft)

Regular ole' Sunflowers?

>>95435
>>95439

Oooh, I can have two...I like Royal Rosemary and Canterlot Golden Daisy.

Thanks!

>>95440

Oh, cool! Thanks!
I just kinda threw that out there. How does the "Canterlot Golden Rose" sound?

Cloudchaser's cutie mark is a shooting star, so I think she would be a researcher of clouds and stars (or just the sky in general.)

Flitter's cutie mark is a flock of butterflies. What should her special talent be?

First: I just want to drop a new doc link here. This isn't so that users who post ideas can find responses to their ideas. It's for people who want to give feedback to ideas that haven't been given feedback -- insofar as it shows which ideas haven't been given feedback yet. Keepin' it simple, nowhere near the level of organization/sophistication of TTG:
Spreadsheet: http://bit.ly/I2VsAE
Form: http://bit.ly/I2Vrwv
Just request if you want to edit, I'll add you, no questions asked. Anyone can enter a story (form submission is public) but as for marking story ideas/inquiries as having received at least one response... yeah. Not gonna open it completely to public editing, since I've seen that turn disastrous before. But the more people in the community can edit it, the better. It doesn't have to be all let-nothing-fall-through-the-cracks like TTG. Just needs to make it easier than copying every post number and searching for responses in the thread to find story ideas that need attention.

So, now to give some feedback:

>>95407 (Arcade)
An idea for beginning such an episodic series of short stories: Derpy gets into an accident and is hospitalized. She mutters something akin to "I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle" (c.f. Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy) and through some manner of cosmic happenstance, turns the television into a conduit for signals across the universe.

Better yet, the TV becomes a sort of babel fish or something, so Derpy can understand it. Each episode or thing on the TV shall be accompanied by flashbacks from Derpy's life. She thereby relates them to the stories she sees on TV, and learns lessons about life from them. Derpy's nurse comes by from time to time, asking how she's doing and what she's seen on TV, but thinks Derpy's just going insane or muttering nonsense from head trauma. In the end, this nurse, having grown fond of Derpy (because she's entertaining), comes in after experiencing some sort of hardship in her life, and Derpy gives a profound answer.

>>94344 (Nicholas Taylor)
I really think you should read "The Sun Is Tired". You might get ideas...Or realize that the premise is a bit worn-out.

>>93689 (RazgrizS57)
This... This is amazing. It must involve Pinkie Pie. It must. Oh my god, write this. However, you need some kind of framing/premise to make it work... Perhaps a legend that saying something specific at the beginning of the game, like the name of an ancient pagan pony deity, will invoke the dark and evil effects of the game.

>>92795 (Sparky)
I have had numerous daydreams about this concept. I imagined it beginning with a particular resourceful unicorn -- the first true magic hacker, if you will -- discovering that an unorthodox variation on a spell component originally intended as a "delayed trigger" for other spells, i.e. a magical egg timer, can be used to construct a switch that can be triggered on or off at arbitrarily high rates, limited only by the talent of the unicorn casting it. He, and a few of his friends, set off to shrink these spell-conduits into leyline-etchings within increasingly small hexagonal crystals. Voila, you have the first computers.

Canterlot would be the first customer. I bet this would create a whole band of scrivener-Luddites, clerks, astronomers who cranked out Ephemerideal tables by hand, etc.

Where do characters and emotions fit in with this? Well... Since this story is in many ways a mirror of the human world, I think you could draw inspiration from or do allegory on things that happen in the human world, socially/politically, in regard to Humans meets computers. For example, Pinkie Pie could get sucked into/addicted to the Equestrian internet, because she finds so many pics on it that make her laugh. Twilight Sparkle, alert to how scatterbrained the internet can make a pony as opposed to face-to-face interaction and the meditative focus of intent reading, tries to help Pinkie Pie break free of it, and the story ultimately devolves into an archetypal rock-bottom addict story. If written well enough, this could seriously change lives.

>>92638 (Dromer)
Honestly, I am...Not worthy. This looks freaking huge. It'd be quite a feat, writing allegories for events in human history. But you've already started on that with A Cloud Divided and Blue Moon In a Red Sky. Someone else care to help this ambitious writer?

>>94751
Mfw no one ever gives feedback to my story ideas unless I raise a commotion and beg for feedback.

>>95445
>Flitter's cutie mark is a flock of butterflies. What should her special talent be?

...animals?

>>95448
I was about to ask you what she would do with animals, seeing as how if she just took care of them, then she's just be Fluttershy with Derpy's IQ. But then it hit me...

Birds! Her special talent should be something to do with birds. But what? Taking care of them is still too similar to what Fluttershy does.

>>95450

Perhaps it's a metaphor? Perhaps she's especially skilled at flying, like a bird? Maybe she's especially agile, but not as fast as RD.

>>95450
Maybe she specializes?

Fluttershy seems to be a general animal caretaker but its not like she knows everything about animals. (Philomena)

Flitter could specialize in bird stuff.

And this has also replaced my desire for a Flitter/Cloudchaser fic with a Flutter/Fluttershy one.

>>95453
Although now that I think about it, it would make more sense for her to specialize in butterflies.

I've been batting around an idea now about a story where Twilight encounters an Equestria-version of Copernicus (Coltpernicus?) whose using science to disprove the allegation that Celestia raises the sun, with poor Twilight ending up stuck between her loyalty to Celestia and her support of science, knowledge and truth.

I tried my hoof once at writing fanfiction, but it didn't turn out to well, so I'm instead posting this idea here if anypony is interested.

In a fanfic I'm working on, I wanted to mention a city where it rains a lot. It's a small, but important, part of the plot.

So, does anyone know of a good ponified name for a city in the Northwest US? I've heard "Steedattle" but that just sounds...awkward.

Any suggestions for other locations (i.e. not the NW US) would also be helpful.

Thanks!

>>95484
Drizzly Drop

Rainy Root

Watering Hole

Water Fall

Umbrellaville

>>95450

Maybe she doesn't just take care of them... She finds injured birds and abandoned baby birds or eggs and neglected pets, and helps rehabilitate them so they can go back to the wild. She could keep some that are too injured to survive on their own, but her main goal is to help them be self sufficient. Also, there could be cute scenes, like her teaching baby birds to fly.
There's a program like that, only for bats. Bat World Sancuary. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkeSSdwbnPg

>>95532

If Cherrilee's cutie mark represents how she likes to raise children and Rarity's represents her graceful and classy nature, then Flitter and Cloud Chaser can have metaphorical cutie marks too. Perhaps Flitter just has that one because she's a quiet Fluttershy type. Never coercive, always marked by delicate beauty.

Part of my story has to do with magic waxing and waning in cycles.

The cycle began on the original Hearthwarming, when the ponies learned to live in harmony.

The cycle shifted for the first time when Discord rose for the first time and destroyed harmony.

When the Sisters banished Discord with the power of the Elements (which I'm just going to assume were created for this very purpose) magic surged again.

Here's where things stop making sense and in retrospect I need to address this. Magic wanes again when Celestia and Luna fall out for the first time. When Twilight finds the Elements, they are boring looking stones and I consider this a sign that they are not really showing their power.

The pilot episodes, then, represent the return of the power of Harmony to the world.

However, there appears to be no reason to believe that magic and harmony weren't very much alive during Luna's exile, unless I'm going to work with Tyrant Celestia fanon, and I refuse.

What do you guys think? In what way might Harmony have been in decline since Luna's banishment?

>>95548
Well, living for a thousand years without your sister is hardly harmonious, right? Celly and Luna both seemed remorseful, and were so-happy-they-cried to be reunited. Given that they're the regal sisters and (at the time of Nightmare Moon's rise) the bearers of the Elements, the disharmony between the two of them could perceivably magnify to the world at large.

Also, Celestia and Luna were the wielders of the Elements vs. Discord. Then Celestia used them all by herself against Luna. Between 1) using the Elements against one of their previous bearers, and 2) a single pony (no matter how god-tier) bearing all six at once, that could explain the Elements weakening. With Magic being one of the Elements, there's probably some way to neatly tie that all together.

>New tripcode, because tripfoal

>>95548
Other countries maybe? Equestria doesn't span the world so maybe throughout Luna's banishment in the moon, Equestria's relation with other countries took a nosedive.

Or maybe some sort of internal power struggle of ponies trying to fill in the void Luna left behind. Even if Luna herself didn't have any supporters, she would have at the very least had some duties outside of Moon Management. Its unreasonable to expect that Celestia would've been able to absorb all of those duties seamlessly right away.

Or perhaps the Mare-in-the-Moon had an effect on Monsters. Maybe more places like the Everfree Forest started popping up due to the evil chaotic thing in the moon. Perhaps that could be what created the forest to begin with.

>>95550

Yes exactly-- except Celestia seemed perfectly capable of keeping her subjects living in happiness. Whatever problems there were with the Elements being 'dead' like they appeared to be, it's never addressed and probably never will be.

>>95553

These are good answers, but they're revisionist-- pony society was all good and well for, as far as we know, most of Celestia's rule. The 'increased monster activity' idea is the only one that doesn't invent conflict that has no basis in canon.

>>95554
What canon do we have for the time period in which Luna was gone? The bit in Family Appreciation Day wasn't really much, and was more concerned with Ponyville's history.

Besides I don't really see how the other countries thing would showcase pony society. Doesn't have to escalate to a full-blown war. In fact, even the power struggle also doesn't need to be violent.

>>95555

We have flashbacks (all flashbacks, including Cranky's and Granny's) and the fact that s1e1 has Twilight meeting her new friends in a pre-NMM world, and the fact that things haven't made any kind of radical turnaround in pony society since those events. Things like Nightmare Night, the Gala, famous ponies' supposedly powerful reputations and careers, those didn't arise just in the time between s1e1 and the episodes they come up in.

>>95548

Remember, there are racial divides as well. Zebras, buffalo, dragons, deer(?)...even though they all live in the same world, they're not well-integrated. Perhaps racial tensions flare?

In the Homeland, the unicorns charged tribute to the other tribes to keep the sun and moon going. Now that the ponies are unified, the Princesses don't charge tribute to the other ponies, but perhaps they charge other groups (maybe that's where Twilight gets Spike's egg from--a millenia-old agreement to provide eggs at regular intervals)?
If Celestia banished Luna, that could definitely strain the tribute agreement ("Why are we paying full tribute, when there are _half_ the princesses?") or strain already-tenuous agreements ("How do we know you won't banish _us_ to the moon?")

However, these incidents would cause a sudden drop in harmony, not the gradual decrease you're looking for.

>>95558

Actually, I am looking at a sharp drop. Discord waging his war on harmony would probably be something akin to Cthulhu rising from the depths. A sudden resurgence of magic is also part of the fic I'm writing.

So you're saying the magic of harmony was part of what kept race relations good, and once it was gone, other civilizations started finding reasons to distrust Celestia? I sort of like that-- it would explain how insular pony society is.

>>95559
I hadn't thought about the magic bit, honestly--I was just tossing out an idea.

>>95565
Oops, missed a bit.
Alternatively, Luna tries to destroy ponydom, and Celestia banishes her own sister. That's, like, the definition of disharmony. That might be all you need.

>>95566

But as far as canon is concerned, that didn't cause magic itself to wane. Remember how before Hearth's Warming, everything started going to shit because the races couldn't work together? Like that.

Still, I'm coming away from this with some good ideas. Thanks everyone for your analyses.

Twilight Sparkle engages in "team-building" exercises, where, like the thread in /arch/, he starts off trying to get the group to count up to ten. Applejack and Rainbow Dash get in a contest, Rarity tries to do it elegantly, Pinkie Pie counts sporadically--and all the while Twilight keeps trying to interrupt them to tell them that they're supposed to count _in sequence_. When they finally try to do so, they run into multiple mundane problems: no one can hear Fluttershy count, Rarity acts like a Madonna trying to hog the stage with her rendition of saying the number 'three' (after she gets into a lengthy argument over who should say the number 'one'), and Rainbow Dash keeps forgetting how to count. Twilight keeps a checklist of the steps in this exercise, and once they finally succeed in counting up to ten in a group, she notices that the final item: "But more important than any other item in this checklist is to make sure your team has fun!" She looks at her demoralized group and decides to do something different..

Haruhi Suzumiya plot with ponies.

E.g., do alternate canon story as follows:

Twilight Sparkle is _actually_ a God, but she doesn't know it. The other characters of the mane six are there to make sure she doesn't recognize this.

Or, do a crossover Haruhi Suzumiya plot x Humans In Equestria. I.e., typical HIE plot, only s/he's actual also a God. I...I'm not sure if this one could be pulled off because the temptation for MARY SUE FUEL is waaaaay too high.

>>95592
Big Mac = Kyon

Twilight = Yuki Nagato

Fluttershy = Mikuru

Pinkie Pie = Haruhi

Apple Bloom = Kyon's sister

Rainbow Dash = Koizumi (Yeah I know they're not the same gender. Who cares.)

Trixie = Asakura

>>95607
Or find X replace $pony?

Nothing against the base idea of course, but still, you don't want to do find and replace like that.

>>95592
Haruhi is a Sue, but Sues work as antagonists.

Yes, she's the antagonist, too. Ever notice how she causes all the problems?

Almost as fast as TTG. Anyhow, Reposting, seeing as I just updated them;
Spreadsheet: http://bit.ly/I2VsAE
Form: http://bit.ly/I2Vrwv
Refer to: >>95446
Again, anyone who cares to help can do so, just hit the share button to request and I'll add you.

>>95592
I once thought of an Eden of the East with Ponies, only try not to do str_replace('hand','hoof',$story); --- in other words... Start with the same premise of a character having a wiped memory and an object of power, and an innocent bystander companion... with the rest being a crazy convoluted mystery. It would be difficult to pull off but awesome; anyone who makes something based on that premise that's not a rip off of Eden of the East but approaches it in complexity and wit deserves a bow.

>>95583
This be perfect as a microfic, and no more. It's a great idea, and I daresay I had a bit of fun reading just the idea, but drawing it out would be a travesty.

Observations:
-Cows need to be bred regularly to keep up milk production.
-Ponyville's cow herd produces large quantities of milk.
-No calves have been seen in the show.
-Twilight writes on parchment--a LOT of it.
-Parchment is made of calfskin.

...need I say more?

In the context of an uprising over inequality in Equestria, would it be too much to say that the calves are being slaughtered for their skins?

>>95654
Any farmer will tell you that cows like to be milked. And there is such a thing as paper parchment.

>>95657
Yes, but that's not the problem. Cow no get preggers, milk not start. Milk eventually stop.

Unless there's like some species that produces a bunch of natural-born wizards, some of whom can monkey around with cow hormones, a species whose taste for dairy treats conveniently provides a thirsty market.

But stuff like that is really stretching things, don't you think?

>>95654
Maybe they're somewhere else? The absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence, after all.

As long as we're delving into grimdark-ish terriroty again, I'll toss out my old "Applejack is a graverobber" idea. Just how do the Apples produce such lush and fertile trees? Many ponies fantascize that they have a secret fertilizer and, curiosity getting the better of her once again, Twilight follows Applejack to see her tossing pony corpses into a grinder and putting it into her fertilizer.

>>95691

That doesn't seem realistic to me. It doesn't seem like there's a whole lot of ... turnover in Ponyville, and if AJ was trying to fertilize her ENTIRE farm with only pony fertilizer, her ... supply would probably run out real quick.

(also, sounds a bit like Sweeny Todd to me)

Besides, you can get the same quality of fertilizer from fish. There's at least one company (who's name escapes me atm) that sells liquified fish fertilizer commercially.

>>95697
I like to imagine that she uses a more...easily obtainable fertilizer. Manure.

And unfortunately word spreads out that they're using poop to grow their apples so now Applejack has to go around trying to convince everyone that eating apples grown from manure isn't anywhere close to eating manure.

>>95701

That doesn't seem like that would fly, either. Using animal manure is SOP in agriculture.

Now, if they were humans, and AJ was using human waste, I could see that being a bigger deal. But the fact that they're using animal manure doesn't seem very shocking to me.

>>95706
Well it's a comedy so its not like it has to be airtight.

I imagined it something along the lines of, since they're ponies, using pony waste would be akin to humans using human waste.

>>95707
The reason we don't use our own waste is because it's meat-heavy and filled with all of those wonderful preservatves from the processed food we eat. Our crap is pretty much toxic.

>>95709
False.

Human waste is widely used after treatment of wastes waters and such in various farms as waste is waste and no more toxic than normal.

Of course, if I went telling you that your hamburger was made with your aunt's shit, would you eat it?

>>95711
Eh, I dunno, I'm going off of years-old hearsay. I'll concede the point due to my ignorance on the matter.

>>95701

If you wanted to use this version of the plot, perhaps it could be Pinkie who discovers the "secret." When she finds out, she's absolutely over-the-top shocked, but Applejack just kinda plays it off as NBD.

Which sounds better: Scratch Racer, or Racer Scratch?

Alternatively, anyone have an idea for a name that involves the word "Scratch"?

>>95835

...besides Vinyl Scratch, of course.

>>95835
Scratch and Sniff

Back Scratch

Scratch Golf