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91817 No. 91817
#Discussion #Story Ideas
Previous thread: >>79400

Hello, and welcome to the Story Forge, /fic/'s story idea and brainstorming general thread!

If you have a story idea that you do not wish to write, or are looking for a seed of an idea upon which to build your world, consider this place a literary take-a-penny jar. We can also help flesh out your story ideas, but do suggest that once you get the ball rolling, to move the conversation to one of our many fine Review Threads. If you see someone asking for fic ideas, or posting a few, please direct them here.
Unspoiler all text  • Expand all images  • Reveal spoilers
>> No. 91822
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91822
>>91817

Ceiling Fan Shipping

Why?

If blimps can do it, so can anything else.
>> No. 91825
>Rarity as Yosuke

Okay...


Story Idea: Applejack and Pinkie Pie friendshipping fic. No romance.

Both come from farm families.

Applejack sought to leave to farm, but realized that the farm is what she always wanted.

Pinkie was going to stay on the farm, but realized there was something better out there.

Applejack finds that out and they have a talk about it.

Nothing fancy; no love confessions, no melodramatic angst; just two friends getting to know each-other a bit better.
>> No. 91842
An explanation for why cutie marks can change or even vanish on background mares, stallions, and foals. I know the out-universe explanations (limited budget for the art department, plus artists are only human), but what about an in-universe explanation?

Is it a disease, akin to Cutie Pox?

Is it the result of a life crisis of some sort, like a midlife crisis?

Is it ponies playing dress-up for some secret game simply called The Game, which lasts for days and has inscrutably complicated rules?

Or is it a natural consequence of changing full-time jobs?
>> No. 91880
French exists in Equestria, and is still called "French" (see: Cutie Pox and Suited for Success).

Thus, I give you: L'Académie

Synopsis: Over the past thousand years, the Equestrian language has evolved. Princess Luna has been doing her best to learn this new, modern Equestrian, but so much is different. All languages are alive; they grow and change—

Almost all languages. In the ancient ruins of the world before, les immortels offer their dark knowledge to any who would seek it. L'Académie française—forty humans, kept alive by horrific machines of bubbling fluids and crackling electricity. Their existence is torment, but they bear it willingly.

Though France is dead, French lives on.

And Luna wishes to learn.


So yeah. I've got other stuff I want to write right now, and if any o' y'all want to use this? Go nuts.
>> No. 91908
I have two ideas that I'm probably not going to get to anytime soon, since I've decided to write another chapter of my pet project first, but I'd love to talk about and develop them.

My first idea is Friendship: The Gathering. Twilight Sparkle, fittingly, has a Planeswalker spark, and it ignites as Equestria comes under attack from... I don't know yet. Phyrexians are so 90s. Perhaps it's just that the other Walkers are eager to explore the new place, but they brought their old conflicts with them and the land isn't ready for them. I could write about different colors of mana and how they correspond to different brands of pony magic, Twilight could go visit Dominaria or Kamigawa and talk magic theory with Jace, Celestia could have tea with Elspeth.

My other idea is based on a one-shot clopfic that got a lot of hits and a lot of people liked. I'm going to write about something similar, but do a proper job of it this time. It won't be as cloppy, but more importantly, it won't be a one-shot. I'm gonna let it develop proper-like. It'll be a GildaDash fic about how they met and how their relationship developed, and I'll work in Dash's friendship with Fluttershy too. Mostly I'm looking forward to building Cloud-culture headcanon.
>> No. 91909
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91909
>>91908
>Friendship: The Gathering
>> No. 91916
Hey, I'm back! I wrote up chapter two, and would love someone to give it a once over.

Title: Bloodline- Chapter Two
Tags: Dark, Thriller
Synopsis: Albert Pomeroy is a violent serial killer who has terrorized Houston for over two years. Now, he find his way to Equestria and decides to share his "work" with a world that has not seen violence like him in eons. Hot on his heels is Detective Robert Barlow, the man who has been chasing Pomeroy for years. As the authorities refuse to believe that anything is amiss, the Mane Six must work with Barlow to stop this madman. But is all as it seems?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JHCo1lHwOzyMQ87FgDhihagAYumAL5dwV2Pr-O7mFmk/mobilebasic

I know there's a few spelling and maybe a some format issues. I'm mainly asking for advice on writing style. I've been told by a few people that I have a problem with the whole "show, don't tell" thing. How does this chapter flow? Do I suck and fail at life? Please help. :)
>> No. 91920
>>91880
Wow. I normally don't go much for Humans in Equestria but this is a use of it that I could get behind. Whoever takes this up should probably have a decent command of the French language; something like this deserves bilingual pun action.
>> No. 91922
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91922
> welcome to the Story Forge, /fic/'s story idea and brainstorming general thread!
>>91916
> I'm mainly asking for advice on writing style.
> Do I suck and fail at life?

I'mma try to be more nice and say I think you should try posting that in a review thread.
I'd say mine, but I have to go review things. Like your chapter one. So how about the TTG.
>> No. 91926
yeah, sorry. I'm new at this board. :)
>> No. 91929
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91929
>>91926
Not really;
>>76932 >>90500 >>68784 >>70804 >>90460 >>77127 >>79359 >>77958
Among those posts, which range in time from last November until now, is the same story / post requesting a review as >>91916 (it's in at least one place: JMozziel's thread).

Since you already know the drill (submit to a review thread for criticism) I won't echo Minty's suggestion, as it is totally unnecessary. Instead, I shall chide you for misusing StoryForge as a place to post your writing instead of using it to discuss and develop story ideas. You're welcome to do just that, instead of asking for constructive criticism; it's what the thread was made for.
>> No. 91931
>>91922
Sorry! I'm new here. Won't happen again! :)
>> No. 91933
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91933
>>91931
If you had bothered to read the OP, you would have known.
Ergo, it doesn't matter how "new" you are, just how lazy.
>> No. 91938
>>91842

Okay, I like this one. I'm more leaning towards life crisis, because no scripted character is ever pictured without their Mark. Adult 'blank flanks' must be severely depressed, having an identity crisis, or something. Perhaps one of the m6 (Rarity and Rainbow Dash come to mind) loses theirs temporarily?
>> No. 91974
>>91933
Ok. No need to be a jerk about it. I'm a new author, maybe a little too eager to get reviewed, a little impatient. I apologized, and said it won't happen again. No
Need to look at me like that, Squidword.
>> No. 91977
>>91842
Well, if you follow the whole 'cutie mark as an expression of identity' concept, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to have a mark change (possibly quite radially) if the persona of the pony in question changes radically enough. It'd really need to be a big change though, like to the point where they are now a fundamentally difference character.

But that really doesn't apply for marks disappearing and then reappearing in a very short time-span. I'd say that they could just not be very 'themselves' at the times in question, but given all the squawking some people send up about OOC actions in the show, and the fact that there are no mark fadings during these points, kinda shoots some holes in that as a cohesive theory.
>> No. 91978
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91978
>>91974
It's SQUIDWARD.
>> No. 91985
>>91978
nah, bro. It's squidword.
>> No. 91990
I give ideas now! I'm working on six other fics (five of them being multiparters) at the moment, and I really don't know where I'd go with these, so have at them.

Idea 1: Dante's Inmareno
This one could swing either grimdark serious or comedic. Bascially Twilight accidentally opens a portal to hell/pony hell, and they have to traverse the seven levels if they want to get back home. Along the way they are guided by the spirit Mephistofillys. I'm not sure how it'd work, I kinda got a few ideas, but can't really seem to agree on one.

Idea 2: I don't have a title for this one. The plot plays upon an alternate ending to season 2 episode 15, in which the Apple family actually does lose the farm (it's meant to be a sad one). It would focus around their new life, and how horrible it becomes (for example, to get the money to survive, Big Mac has to work in a coal mine, Applejack is a stripper, Applebloom sells... stuff, and Granny Smith works in a sweatshop). I'm not sure how well I could play out the sad setting, so I'll leave it up to whoever would take this idea.
>> No. 91993
>>91880
So, Luna just wants to learn French? That's it? Needs more explosions and car chases.

>>91916
ಠ_ಠ

>>91990
Not digging the first. Personally, I hate replacement fics. If I wanted to read Dante's Inferno, I'd read it. Horse puns won't make it any more interesting.
>> No. 91998
>>91977

That's because all the squawking is bullshit. A character behaving OOC due to bad writing does not mean that the character is a dundamentally different person for that episode. Look at Rainbow Dash's seeming callousness in those two s2 episodes. She wasn't represented very well and she did break character a bit, but she was in no way a totally changed personality.
>> No. 91999
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91999
Okay, here's the basic gist of this idea.

Basically Pinkie starts to feel a little down and guilty about being so happy and gleeful all the time. So what does she do? She "borrows" a vial of an ancient disease from Zecora's hut that she thinks will make everypony like her.

Well it does... at first, then the laughing gets to a point where it becomes "dangerous." As a result of the "jolly epidemic" the princesses call in F.R.O.W.N., a special forces military division that has dealt with the Plague in the past.

But is it already too late? Is the damage too great? Will all ponies be doomed to a life of eternal laughter and unrest? I don't know, BWAHAHAHAAAA!

There it is, tell me what you think. Oh, and can anypony give me good words for the acronym F.R.O.W.N.? You know as what i described it as above?
>> No. 92001
>>91999

Oh yeah, and this is lightly based on Disney's concept/song titled "Ev'rybody's Got a Laughing Place." And I also plan to include a modified version of that song in the story.
>> No. 92002
>>91999
These might be of interest to you:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dancing_Plague_of_1518
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanganyika_laughter_epidemic

>But is it already too late? Is the damage too great? Will all ponies be doomed to a life of eternal laughter and unrest?
If Wikipedia is on-target, you've got about a month before the massed heart attacks start. There's only so much Pinkie Party a body can take before it burns out altogether.
>> No. 92003
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92003
Thought of this dark one while walking today.

War can leave a lot of things.
Grief.
Anger.
Doubt.
Grief can fade with time.
Anger can be harnessed.
But doubt? It has a habit of worming its way into the back of your head, a niggling little "what-if?" that grows with time. An itch that, when scratched, demands more, slowly growing until it takes up every waking moment, and sometimes even more. Dreams of a lover finding their way back home. An answer to desperate pleas for closure.
There is one that remembers. A hello, a goodbye, and they will never be forgotten. All it takes to remind her is a single tuft of hair, a chipped tooth, a singed pinion. Sometimes she gets to say hello again, but, most of the time, she only gets to say goodbye one last time.
Her name is Pinkie Pie.
And she knows every pony.
She remembers every pony.
All you can do is hope that you won't be one of the ones she remembers, and that when she does, it's not to say goodbye.
>> No. 92004
>>91999
>F.R.O.W.N.

Federal Rowdiness and Obsessive Whooping Neutralizers.

Whooping is a bit of a stretch but given the seemingly comedic nature of the fic, you can always just admit that you thought of the acronym first and just needed something that fit.
>> No. 92007
>>92003

Oh wow.

I don't normally like tearjerkers. Simply Rarity is as far as I'll go. But I'm really taken by how this uses the simple, very fitting, established idea that Pinkie knows everyone, and does something interesting with it. Just the little passage you've written there gives me chills.

I'm not sure if it's more fitting that who she mourns is an m6 she was in love with, or an anonymous background pony and some people don't understand why she's so sad about it.
>> No. 92008
>>92002

Wow... and here I was damned proud of myself for thinking up something original, but God/Nature has apparently beat me to it. DAMN YOU!

Although, I didn't plan the Laughing Plague to be deadly, you do have a good point there.
>> No. 92009
>>92004

That's perfect actually. Better than I could come up with anyway.

Also another detail on F.R.O.W.N., they have a cure but its labor intensive and partially ineffective and it's... your everyday toilet plunger.
>> No. 92011
>>91990

I'm reading Dante's Inferno right now.

Basically, it strikes me as just a list of gory punishments on people Dante didn't like. Especially the pope. Except for a few gay friends, who are there but don't seem to have it too bad. Faust (the Goethe version) or Paradise Lost are my preferences when it comes to Satan in literature.

But anyways, your fic. You'd probably be using Tartarus, since that's confirmed as pony hell. And I assume you'd be showing various antagonists from the show being punished... but they aren't dead yet. Well, we haven't seen Trixie or Gilda in a while, but I assume they haven't met with any horrible fates.

We don't really know any famous ponies of the past, so you can't really use that. If you made up OCs to put there it just wouldn't have the same impact. I guess you'd have to set it in the future, or... just say that every antagonist got eaten by a manticore after leaving Ponyville, who knows?

And Mephistopheles is not really a parallel for Vergil... At all. If anything, I'd say Star Swirl the Bearded fits the whole "respected forerunner" thing for Twilight. For an obscure unicorn, he's popping up a lot lately. But yeah. I'd go with him.
>> No. 92033
>>92007
I just got to thinking, "How can Pinkie's ability to remember any pony be put to good use?"
Then I thought of how difficult it can be to identify soldiers that have died from explosives or other excessive trauma. And so, Pinkie Pie became the coroner for the Equestrian army, or something to that extent.
>> No. 92064
>>92033

She should be the one to deliver the bad news, too. After all, nobody would be better than her to try to offer comfort to near-strangers.
>> No. 92092
>>92008
The only reason that anyone in Tanganyika survived was because Pinkie wasn't there. Still, it doesn't devalue the idea or anything. If you can try writing it, go for it.

>>92064
I can see this having a very bad effect on Pinkie Pie. Setting aside the fact that sometimes her always-happy demeanor doesn't quite hit the right mood for people, having Pinkie show up to deliver condolences would send her popularity through the floor. People would live in literal fear of the day she's pops up out of nowhere and tells them one of their kids had been killed and now they'd never see them again. And that's not even mentioning the problems that pinkie is going to have seeing potentially hundreds of ponies on the worst day of their lives, a day on which absolutely nothing she can do will be able to cheer them up.

I think that would destroy Pinkie in pretty short order. Sure, her friends would stick with her, but in time even that's going to fall apart, probably right about the time Pinkie has to go and tell Twilight that her brother has been killed or eaten or something
>> No. 92123
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92123
>>92064

Seriously? We've seen that Pinkie likes to cheer people up, but we've also seen that she's not good at being sensitive.

"Hey, everypony! This donkey's ENTIRE PLATOON STEPPED ON A MINEFIELD!"
>> No. 92126
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92126
>>92123
I feel bad for laughing at this.
>> No. 92133
>>92123
It's not that she isn't sensitive, she's just oblivious.
One option would be for her to deliver the news, and then skip off, thinking "Another job well-done!" while the family she left sobs quietly.
>> No. 92135
>>92133

Doesn't that amount to the same thing, pretty much? If she's oblivious to their feelings, she's probably not going to deliver the news very well.
>> No. 92137
>>92135
Not being sensative to other pony's feelings would suggest apathy. She cares very deeply for her friends. She's just too air-headed to recognize when something is wrong.
However, this is all a moot point, since the idea is to break her. She never forgets all of these ponies. It's a pile of corpses stacked in the back of her head that can only get larger. It's essentially taking the problem that the royal sisters have--what with being immortal and all--and imposing it on a (debatebly) normal pony.
>> No. 92138
>>92137

Nothing quite like sucking all of the fun out of Pinkie Pie. Haven't seen that one before.
>> No. 92143
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92143
>>92138
Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?
>Pic very related.
>> No. 92147
>>92143

War in Equestria, as well as Pinkie Pie being either broken or a psychopath, are both overdone. And they're very hard to justify believably.
>> No. 92148
>>92147
If you have a better suggestion, please, by all means, field it.
>> No. 92150
>>92148

Three suggestions:

1) Perhaps set the story when Pinkie Pie is older--maybe 30s or 40s. Perhaps she's met a lot of ponies that have since died, perhaps in war. The stress of knowing someone, then hearing about them killed, is what does her in. To be clear, she's not directly involved in the deaths--it's the constant loss that messes her up.

2) Similar to the above, but set it in the "present day." Pinkie has ALREADY gone through a lot of trauma, and her craziness is an effort to deal with it.

3) Have Pinkie involved with death in some way, but not be DIRECTLY involved--instead of being the surgeon, for example, she's the ambulance driver. Constant exposure to suffering/death would probably still hurt her--especially if she does a Sherlock Holmes-type analysis of a pony as soon as she sees them.
>> No. 92151
>>92123
I would read this story. I would read it so hard.

>"No siree! Not even the horrors of war can faze the Pinkster! Buckle up, everypony! Pinkie Pie is here to make triage fun!

>>92133
This makes it even better.
>> No. 92152
>>92150
She's the coroner.
The thing is that she meets these ponies. Every one. And when they come back in a bag, she can't help but remember them when they were alive. No one is better at identifying bodies.
It's sort of like Minority Report, in which a character's ability is a huge boon to the population, yet using it is slowly driving them insane.
>> No. 92155
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92155
>>92152

I'd read it. I'd read it with the intensity of a thousand supernovas.
>> No. 92157
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92157
>>92155
General reaction seems to be "That's not pony at all!" or "I would totally read this."
I love making such bi-polar opinions. It means I'm striking a collective nerve.

Also, you've been posting with Wakfu pics, right? Is the show any good? Like, Avatar the Last Airbender good (best animated series ever IMHO)?
>> No. 92158
>>92157

>pic related

Wakfu is great. I haven't seen Avatar, but Wakfu is definitely one of the best animated series I've seen in quite a while. The animation is the most mouth-watering display of flash animation I've had the fortune of seeing and the world is quirky and colorful, which lends itself to a lot of nice scenery porn.

The characters are clearly defined and though they do have some or more growth, their basic characteristics remain the same. Their interactions are nice and they're a pretty lovable bunch altogether. Extra points for featuring a child protagonist, Yugo, whom not only did I never feel like strangling(as with most child heroes), but is really adorable and sweet, rounding it off by being a badass a couple of times.

The plot is mostly episodic, especially in the second season. Most plot epiodes occur at the start and the end, but the one-off adventures they have are also quite fun to watch and never really get boring. Once the plot gets kicking though...oh my god, shit hits the fan. The finale of the first season was some of the most brutal, heartwrenching things I've ever seen in a Saturday morning cartoon. Nox is an extremely good villain, which makes it all the more enjoyable.

The first 4-5 episodes of the first season are a little weak(especially episode 5, if I recall right), but don't really approach unbearable levels at any point, it's just that the rest of the season is admittedly so much better. I whole-heartedly recommend the series.
>> No. 92159
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92159
>>92158

>pic related, once I stop being a complete retard
>> No. 92160
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92160
>>92158
Anywhere I can find a high-quality stream for them?
>> No. 92161
>>92148

Basically, my post above with Cranky Doodle Donkey. And >>92151 seems to agree. In-character Pinkie is a lot of fun. Broken, sad Pinkie? Not so much.

That's what Cupcakes was originally - it was more entertaining because Pinkie was her usual bubbly self. It's a crackfic, but those can be fun too. Then a bunch of imitators came along and were all "ZOMG IT'Z ALL DARK AND SHE'S A SERIAL KILLER" and tried to write serious stories about it.

I honestly can't take darkfics seriously. They're rainbow-marshmallow ponies.
>> No. 92163
>>92160

http://brotherhoodoftofu.com/

This is your best bet for anything Wakfu-related. It used to be streamed on Megavideo, but that's long-gone now. I'm not sure if it's still streamed anywhere, but if it is, you'll most likely find info here.
>> No. 92164
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92164
>>92152
It would be difficult to the point of making the author lose his mind while writing too, but yes, I do like this idea very much.
But damn, that would be horrible to read if done well. Horribly amazing.

I have this idea:
Twin Peaks-ish thing. Canterlot EBI detective dispatched to a sleepy mountain town called Greenfalls due to a bunch of murders in the town with zero suspects. He arrives at the town, and finds that it's... strange. Things seem off, the folk are all way too amiable and happy. He asks why they are all so happy, even when murders have just happened, and the local mailmare simply replies: "We're all good folk here in Greenfalls, Mister Sharp!"

After some investigation, it's obvious that the victims had killed themselves. Strange, the local law-enforcement reported them as murders...

The detective is then knocked-out before he can get word out to Canterlot. He wakes up in a basement, strapped to a chair. The town sheriff, blacksmith, baker and mailmare are with him, all looking very different to when he first met them. They talk for a while, and some of the history of the town in revealed. Greenfalls is a logging town, and fringes a part of the Everfree forest. There has always been a strange influence coming from that forest, and it never responded well to having its trees taken from it. The recent purchase of the Greenfalls Logging Co. by Fillydelphia Heavy Commodities, Inc. had increased the logging rate by using powerful, automated machines. The forest was fighting back.

The four ponies now sharpen their tools, ready to kill the detective. They announce that afterwards, they will take the rest of the townsponies and go to burn down the logging factory, and then burn the rest of the town to remove the last traces of pony pollution. During all this monologuing, Detective Sharp has managed to remove his restraints and takes them by surprise. With minor injuries, he escapes.

He sneaks through the town back to the sheriff's office, where there is a telephone where he can call for help. It's evident that the rest of the town is also possessed, and an angry mob with torches is already gathering. He manages to make it to the office and call for help, where he is connected to an paranormals expert. She tells him that although reinforcement is on its way, he won't be able to save any of them or the town unless he finds the source of the possession and destroys it, before all the ponies burn the town with themselves still in it!

Cue a tool-up scene where Sharp picks up the sheriff's shotgun, rope and torch, and braces himself with a shot of Applejack Daniels! (Or whatever.) He ventures into the forest and fights off apparitions of cases failed and past, poltergeists and wild beasts. He eventually reaches a Stonehenge-like arrangement of huge rocks. He instinctively knows what to do: He trots into the middle and disappears.

He is transported to an glorious, empty castle. It is as beautiful Celestia's palace, but feels darker and unnerving. Here he confronts the Spirit of Everfree, and they have an epic battle. He wins.

He wakes up in the Greenfalls town square, being tended to by two unicorn medical mares. Townsponies all around him are snapping out of it, blinking and disorientated. A small fleet of REMA (Royal Emergency Management Agency) carriages are parked around, with agents helping the townsfolk. Tiredness overwhelms him, and he falls back asleep again.

The next morning, he wakes up in the Greenfalls Hotel room he is staying in to the sound of music on the radio. He throws it into the wall, smashing it, and gallops into the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror, before headbutting it. Cracked pieces of mirror jutting from his forehead, he starts laughing in the same manner as the Spirit of Everfree.

Cliffhanger!

I wrote like, two pages of it and gave up. If anyone wants to complete it, they're welcome to...
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BJ7pV5-gzKJvknkymjbuvMt6mVlefdjioU_nsQEA-pU/edit?pli=1
>> No. 92165
>>92161

Funny, I'm one of the people who love the Pinikie-as-coroner, but I feel like I envisioned it differently from the guy who had the idea.

Applejinx likes to say that ponies should be effective against grimdark. They are hopeful and persistent by nature. I saw this less about Pinkie being totally crushed and miserable, and more about always riding the edge of total collapse.

What people are saying about how this would be likely to break her completely--people fearing her, for example--would be a conflict both internally and in her interactions with other characters. I see her as tormented, struggling. Not broken.

The most interesting and probably most difficult thing about this would be to make Pinkie solemn and comforting while still showing the reader that you're grounded in canon.
>> No. 92183
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92183
Have there been any big stories written regarding the classic "Reluctant, Incompatible Roommates" story?

I had an idea for a story where Rainbow Dash gets suspended for a month from her position as Ponyville Weather Manager due to some incident. The big problem is that Dash's house is mostly paid for by the Equestrian Weather Control Association, and is meant for the Ponyville Weather Manager specifically (so they have immediate access to Ponyville), meaning she has to find a new place to stay for a month while the interim manager stays there. She ends up staying at Fluttershys cottage for the month, and of course, shenanigans ensue with conflicting personalities and lifestyles.

I kinda want to write that story as a lighthearted comedy/slice of life story, even ending with the "Dear Princess Celestia" letter. Have there been any stories like that before, and would anyone have any interest in reading a story like that?
>> No. 92184
File 133237789246.jpg - (47.74KB , 1280x800 , 721288283588.jpg )
92184
Try a .Hack GU crossover. It would be pretty different from the overflowingly massive piles of generic ninja crossovers.
>> No. 92186
Story idea: It's finally happened.

Applebloom has gotten her cutiemark for carpentry.

Even better, with the Apple Family Reunion just around the corner, she'll be able to show it off to her whole family.

But wait a minute...

Don't Applejack, Big Mac and Granny Smith all have apple-related cutiemarks? Don't the whole
Apple family have apple-related cutie marks?

What would they think when they find out she has one for carpentry?

And so Applebloom tries her hardest to hide her cutiemark for fear of being disowned by the Apple family.

Shenanigans ensue.

>>92183

Go for it.
>> No. 92187
>>92186
I came up with the idea that her carpentry skills are put to good use in the orchard by being a tree grafter.
In regards to your story, a fun bit would be the inevitable questions as to exactly which kind of tree she uses for her carpentry...
>> No. 92215
>which kind of tree she uses for her carpentry

And this strikes off an idea:

After the old CMC clubhouse burns down in an accident that is totally in no way Sweetie Bell's fault, Applebloom resolves to build a new clubhouse. A better clubhouse! ...Unfortunately, there's no spare lumber for her to use, and no dead / dying / diseased trees that need to be put out of the orchard's misery, forcing Applebloom to look for raw materials elsewhere. As luck would have it, Sweet Apple Acres is located right next to the Everfree Forest, one of the largest expanses of virgin timber in all Equestria! It's time for Applebloom to lead the CMC in finding their logging cutie marks!

There are a three this could go:

Firstly, she disturbs some animals or monsters in the forest with her amateur logging, and they cause some problems. Cue environmental aesop.

Secondly, she cuts down an old tree that doesn't take very kindly to being murdered by a little filly. Cue hauntings and aesop about always exorcising your lumber before you use it.

Thirdly, she cuts down the wrong sort of tree. A living tree that imprisons malicious and abiding intellect. A tree that contains a Fern Gully crossover plot. Cue Tim Curry, preferably singing.
>> No. 92221
>>92215
Isn't the idea of crossing over with Ferngully... well... odd?

I mean, it's like "MLP crossover with Howard the Duck: or "MLP crossover with Battlefield Earth" or "MLP crossover with the Garbage Pail Kids" or "MLP crossover with Troll 2" or "MLP crossover with The Room".

Why would you take a widely despised concept with a message that's more preachy, scientifically less accurate, and more heavy-handed than a freaking Pat Robertson broadcast (Ferngully and related aesops) and mingle it with something awesome (MLP)?

Although...

The more that I think about it, the more that Tommy Wiseau in Equestria is promising.

"You are tearing me APART Twilight!" *hands thrust down*
>> No. 92224
Does Dash's favorite board game—the Battleship clone—have a commonly-agreed-upon fanon name?
>> No. 92225
>>92215
I totally want that third one to happen, if just in the capacity of a crack fic.
>> No. 92231
>>92221
It's not like there'd be more taken from the movie than an evil Tim Curry pollution monster. I'm actually surprised that my brain made the jump to that, considering probably been close to twenty years since I saw that movie.

And I'd do it because a Tim Curry voiced villain would be amazing in MLP, and it's really hard to invoke that oily creepiness without saying something like "-and he had a voice just like Tim Curry!" or introducing a character to the story who was actual voiced by him.

>"MLP crossover with Battlefield Earth"
Comedy fic maybe? I don't think I could take a "Psychlos invade Equestria" story all that seriously, but a "Psychlos invade Equestria and then Twilight dismantles all the flaws in Scientology to the general disapproval of John Travolta" story could be worth a read, especially if you can get Rarity making critical comments on their costume and set design.
>> No. 92239
>>92231
Nah, it just doesn't seem right. I'd be worried about a evil Tim Curry pollution monster possibly ending up too similar to Discord. I mean, your whole problem here in a nutshell is finding a brand new villain that does a very unique thing compared to past villians (so that it doesn't seem stale). That's also something that was a problem with the original movie (Did I mention that I despise Ferngully yet? I do. I'm far from objective.). While the villain was notable from the voice and visual direction, it was also a pretty mediocre concept. Oh, hey, he's human filth personified. Yawn. Throw some dial soap at him.

In my opinion, if I were making a "accidentally chop down the wrong tree / eat the wrong apple / kick the wrong rock / etc" villian... I'd make it more 'Tim Curry'-ish if that makes any sense. Whereas Nightmare Moon personified perfect order and darkness, Discord was Discord, Curry could be... um... something like greed and lust together? Or maybe something like that.

Maybe it could just be a bad guy that wants to take over both for the lulz as well as for personal gain. I'm thinking of a monster that might want to, say, destroy part of Ponyville as well as Everfree to build some grand thing. He corrupts ponies by appealing to their various personality flaws as more of a tempter type. Maybe look at Dr. Frank-N-Furter ?
>> No. 92304
So, someone on the Fan Labor Wiki pointed out that Twilight's Dad and Trixie have similar coloring, and suggested that Twilight and Trixie are half-sisters. I find this idea really compelling: for example, Trixie's arrogance could be a result of having to compete with her older sister, and Twilight's need to study could be a result of some daddy and/or abandonment issues. That said, there's some fundamental problems withthis idea, and I wanted to see if you guys could perhaps help me out.

The problems I see are 1) Dad seems like a nice guy, and seems to love Mom and Twiliight very much, 2) Trixie and Twilight appear to be about the same age (which I'm guessing is about 14), and 3) Twilight, at least, doesn't appear to recognize Trixie when they meet.

Because Dad seems like a nice guy, and seems to love Mom, it seems highly unlikely that he would father Trixie with another Mare behind Mom's back. Because they're about the same age, it's unlikely that Trixie comes from another marriage. And, because Twilight appears to love her family, it seems unlikely that Trixie is her younger full-sister: Even if she was living away from home, she would at least have HEARD about her..

In short, barring some wacky Deus Ex intervention (time travel? Sperm donation?) I can't think of a good way to make Trixie and Twilight half- or full-sisters. Do you guys have any ideas?

Thanks!

(btw, I'm aware that there is at least one EqD fic written on this premise, but I feel that the's a lot more that can be done with these characters. If I can get these plot points worked out, I think I'd like to take a crack at it myself...)
>> No. 92306
>>92304
Okay, first of all, yeah, already at least one fic about that.

Hmm, reasons they don't know about eachother.... well, they live in Canterlot. Even if they're good people, covering up scandals is the SOP in those settings.

Also, you got their age way off. Twilight and Rarity are about the same age, Rarity owns a store. All the ponies are among her same age. A 14 year old would not live on their own.
>> No. 92307
>>92304
Trixie and Twilight are half-sisters but the father divorced the older's mother and remarried? That'd give him a good reason to not talk about the other one. Interesting idea, but it seems like more of an aspect to a plot than a plot. I'd love to see the full plot idea...
>> No. 92310
>>92304
The easiest way would be to complicate point 1 and have things be far less idyllic in the House of Sparkle. Maybe Twilight turned into such a bibliophile because books allowed her an escape from the constant domestic squabbles at home! Given that we haven't even seen Twilight's parents outside of a flashback, possibly colored by Twilight's unreliable-narratorship, this is the easiest to get work, even if it sounds really grim.

If you can manage to change point 2 a bit, then you've got some leeway to work with. Maybe Trixie is Twilight's slightly older half-sister from a previous marriage. You could go down the path of Twilight's dad cheating on Trixie's mom with Twilight's mom and that leaving her, but again, that's pretty dark. Actually, pretty much all 'Trixie is related to Twilight' stories seem to turn out grim. You need some reason to explain why this two sisters didn't grow up together, and all the rational ones are universally unhappy.

Point 3 is the hardest to shift. I tried to write a story where Trixie had known Twilight when they were both back in school and the events of Boast Busters were just the latest in a long line of attention to try and get Twilight's attention, but in the end it just would not make any sense with what we saw in the show. Based on what we saw from Twilight and Trixie, neither pony had met before that morning.

You probably could find a way to fix any of these with the liberal application of time travel, but that's bound to come off as somewhat contrived. Time travel plots should generally be avoided, unless there's a very good reason for them and no other way to tell that particular story. Sperm donation could also work, provided you can make equestrian sperm backs seem plausible, but that kind of sinks the whole point of the plot. "My dad is also your dad by way of the miracles of science!" really doesn't carry the same weight as "But you are my long lost sister by any of the other above methods!"

There was a brief spike in interest in this idea after low-res images of Twilight's dad started getting posted ("He's got Trixie's mark! SISTERS!!!"), but then we saw this wasn't the case and interest really dropped off, partly because it's just so hard to get it to make sense.
>> No. 92311
>>92306
>>92307
...and I'm beaten to the punch by a good 45 minutes. I think I really need to learn to be less wordy.
>> No. 92314
Thanks for the feedback, guys.

Right after I made the above post, I realized a good way I could resolve this:

Trixie is Twilight's slightly-younger full-sister, born "Lulamoon." "Lula" has always been competitive, trying to show up her sister, but it came to a head when Lula tried to enroll in Celestia's magic academy. It became obvious that she sucked at magic, and was forced to attend a much-less-prestigious public school. Lula became frustrated and ran away, discovering her talent for stage magic (not _actual_ magic) after attempting to survive on her own.
Twilight's parents start looking obsessively for Lula, effectively abandoning her. This led Twilight to study harder, in the hopes that her parents would love her again if her grades were good enough.

(alternatively, Lula loves Twilight, and tries to be just like her; the realization that she can't measure up shatters her self-esteem)

About six years later, Boast Busters happens. Lula, now "Trixie," has grown and changed so much that Twilight doesn't recognize her (maybe the thought occurs to her, but she brushes it off). Trixie recognizes her, and it's part of the reason why she picks on her so much.

As far as the plot: Trixie has been hiding in the Everfree since Boast Busters, but has never really adjusted--she sleeps in leaves and eats berries while practicing magic. When winter comes, Trixie, hurt, starving, and delirious, stumbles into a villaage and knocks on the first door she comes to, looking for help--it just so happens that the village is Ponyville, and the door is Twilight's. Twilight let's her in and fixes her up, realizing in the process she's Lula. After she comes to, Twilight and Trixie discuss their past, and we realize that their stories are very similar. They part as friends.

Does that sound reasonable?

(I was thinking about adding in a little bit, right after Twilight let's Trixie in, where Twi realizes that Trixie has been eating pine ends to survive. Too much?)

>>92183

I really like this idea, btw. It sounds like a fun read.
One scene you could do would be something like what happens in The Stare Master-- as soon as Rainbow comes in, Fluttershy starts talking about all the "roommate" things they're going to do ("we'll paint each oer's nails, and talk about boys, and...") but Rainbow rebels against that.
>> No. 92374
At the bowling alley, the Mane Six decide to take part in a friendly team-based contest, but learn that they can only have three on a team. Since it's a friendly, they decide to split up, but they agree to be good sports about it. As the game progresses, however, a few competitive urges surface...

It's not meant as anything other than as a bit of fun. I just have no idea who'd be on whose team. I think it would be split Pegasus-Unicorn-Earth Pony each, but who'd be the captains?

At present, I imagine this arrangement:

Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash

Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy

I imagine Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy wouldn't be much good at it (not having the strength or the practice needed to get a strike), while Rainbow and Applejack would be athletic enough to cover their respective teams' losses. I'm not sure about Pinkie. Either she'd be too easily distracted, or she'd get caught out by rule after rule (no crossing the line, only two throws at most per turn etc.). Or maybe she'd get strikes in the most absurd ways possible.
>> No. 92378
>>92239
>He corrupts ponies by appealing to their various personality flaws as more of a tempter type.
I say someone needs to make a Needful Things adaption.

>>92314
Drop the Everfree bit. That's too hard to swallow. Every time the other characters step into there they have a death-defying moment. Zecora is the only pony that should be living in the Everfree since she obviously has a deep understanding of it.
>> No. 92383
>>92314

To be clear, are you objecting that Trixie hides in woods in general? Or that she hides in the Everfree forest?

>>92374

My knee-jerk reaction is that PINKIE should be good at bowling, while, Rainbow should suck at it.

Rainbow is good at sports, true; but bowling is very different than the kinds of sports she's used to. I could see her getting frustrated by the fact that she's so bad at bowling.

As for Pinkie...she's not stupid, she's just silly. I think it would be kinda fun for her to have a talent that no one else knows she has. Bowling seems random enough for pinkie.

Twilight should start out bad, but slowly improve as she reads more about it.
>> No. 92386
>>92314

>... Twi realizes that Trixie has been eating pine ends to survive. Too much?)

GWAH. I hate my iPad's autocorrect...

PineCONES. Trixie's run out of food and is eating pineCONES. It's part of the reason she's in trouble; pinecones don't offer a whole lot of nutrition, and the pointy bits have cut up her mouth, if not her insides.

I was thinking it would be a fun way to weave some larger Trixie canon into the story, both as a shout out and a bit of comic relief/drama.
>> No. 92394
>>92383

I never said Pinkie was stupid. My idea was that she'd line up for a shot, get ready to push, and then suddenly notice that they do a three for two offer at the candy vendor, get excited, and miss the shot. She'd then go off and buy loads of the stuff for everypony to share in the competition. She strikes me as the sort who would have a good time even if she loses.

Actually, now that you mention it I could see Rainbow going the same way as Scootaloo. Rainbow just doesn't have a subtle approach. Applejack might suffer a similar problem at first, but she'd get used to it like Twilight once she's got the buck technique under control.

I think it would be funnier if Rarity turned out to be the better bowler. She could be wearing the red glasses, lining up the shot, then carefully measuring out her neck force and body angle (as in fashion) before nudging the ball into a perfect strike. It'd be a little more original than her complaining about her pony pedicure getting ruined by the bowling ball.

I'm still not sure about captains. Twilight strikes me as the obvious captain for her team, but what about the other?
>> No. 92405
>>92314
Well, it's plausible. Whether or not it comes off as believable will lie in how well you can write it, especially in how well you paint the contrast between young Lulamoon and adult Trixie, since that's the foundation the whole 'I didn't recognize my sister' thesis will be built on.

Also, it uses the 'stumbled back to ponyville and needs to be nursed back to health' concept, which I've seen in more Trixie and Twixie stories that I care to remember. You might want to avoid that as it is getting somewhat worn out.
>> No. 92505
>>92386
Overall idea sounds promising (sorry to be vague, but I can't think of what to say beyond "I like this").

On the other hand/hoof/paw, reading about eating pine cones is just a WTF moment that would stick out in the narrative to me and I wouldn't like it.
>> No. 92552
File 133251958407.jpg - (493.28KB , 1920x1080 , Journey X-over.jpg )
92552
Exactly what it says on the tin. A lone pony journeys through a desert to reach a far-off mountain, the only thing of note visible. This could either be done with an OC pony or a canon pony. It doesn't really matter.

Backstory optional, vague hints a plus.
>> No. 92556
>>92552

um...you really need to develop this more, but I'm sure you recognize that.

Who is the pony? What makes her special? Why is the pony travelling? what does she hope to accomplish? How does she prepare herself to cross the desert? What obstacles does she hope to overcome? What happens when she gets there?

I, personally, am opposed to making a story about ponies for ponies' sake. your story appears to have little basis in the MLP universe, aside from your pony protagonist. Thus, I feel your idea would be more successful if you wrote it as a "regular" story, not a pony fanfiction.

Honest to go
>> No. 92571
Hey guys, me again. Here's another too-long post with some deep questions...

I just gave one of my fanfics to an editor here on Ponychan. I initially wrote it as a journal, where my narrator (Fluttershy's older sister) is telling about her life.

That said, the journal doesn't READ like a journal: there's a few parts where I switch to present tense and do some other non-journaly things.

At the suggestion of the editor, I'm substantially revising the story. Now, it will be a frame narrative, where the narrator is sharing specific entries in her journal with a third party. It will shift between present tense, in which the narrator is directly addressing the other person, and past tense, where the other person is reading her journal.

So, here are my questions:

First, there are several points in the Diary draft where the narrator switches to present tense, usually to describe an especially tense scene. I would like to keep the present tense in the new draft, but I'm not sure how I could have her relate a past event in present tense and keep it credible.

One idea I had is that the narrator shows the other person a journal entry for a specific event, apologizing that it isn't very good--she wasn't thinking clearly as she was writing it. As the other person reads, the narrator relives the event In her mind, telling it in present tense. However, I can only pull that trick once without it getting stale.
Any ideas for how I could talk about a past event in the present tense in this context?

Second, who should she talk to, and how should I talk about them?

I was thinking about having her talk to Princess Celestia directly. I really like this idea; I feel that would make it easy to keep the "Moral" part of the story, and I think I can make it work. The problem is that, for a substantial part of the journal, Fluttershy is missing and presumed dead (trust me, it works). Talking to Celestia would dispel a lot of this dramatic tension--Fluttershy obviously introduced them or something.

Another idea I came up with is that the narrator is telling the story to her boyfriend. It makes logical sense (he should know her story after all), but having a boyfriend implies a happy ending (which I also want to be uncertain of), and also just feels a it weird to me.

The last idea I came up with is that she's talking to Fluttershy herself, but we don't know this--I would just call her "she". This makes sense and preserves dramatic tension, but makes the last scene, with their touching reunion, somewhat difficult.

TL;DR:
1) how can I relate past events in present tense, in the context of a frame narrative?
2) Who would be the best person for Fluttershy's older sister to tell her life story to: Princess Celestia, her boyfriend, or Fluttershy herself?

Thanks for all your help guys.
>> No. 92574
>>92556
Actually, he doesn't. Journey is a game about the adventure, the atmosphere, the sense of wonder. There isn't a single line of dialogue or text in its entirety.
To pull this off would take a literary genius but, if done right, it could be a truly amazing story, one where the events and the interactions define the character, and not merely what spills forth from their mouth.
>> No. 92580
Oh, I see it now.

When I first read his idea, I thought he was posting a story idea and asking for help fleshing it out.

But he's being intentionally vague. I see.

I still stick by my earlier statement, though--if the only part of the story that's actually pony is the protagonist, I think he'd be better off writing it as a normal, non-pony story. Then, he might be able to get it published and all.
>> No. 92581
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92581
So I'm thinking about doing a crossover between One Piece and MLP what are some things are should be careful about with writing a crossover?
>> No. 92585
>>92581
Don't simple replace the characters with ponies, for one.

That's the most common flaw with crossovers. Where the plot is exactly the same put they changed all the characters into ponies, or worse, the mane six based off slight character parallels. Like in Death Note: Equestria where Twilight becomes Light because they are both smart.



Just make sure the plot is actually different and the character's are themselves and you'll avoid the two biggest crossover pitfalls.
>> No. 92590
>>92585
Oh yeah I'm definitely not doing that I'm starting it off as an alternate retelling of an event with a little tweaking that could send the main character to Equestria. Maybe it'll be more well explained if I post a rough draft in a few hours (need to write it out)
>> No. 92591
>>92581
What I see a lot of crossover stories do is focus on the "crossover" part and forget that you're still writing a "story." Which, sadly, still gets an audience: like porn, there are people who are just THAT obsessed with something where they'll enjoy it just because it references something by name. But if you want a quality story, you need to have a coherent plot and memorable characters. Which, since you're doing a crossover, the latter is already done for you, so you need to focus on a coherent plot.

One personal pet peeve of mine is to have the plot just be focused on "Getting back to my home/dimension." Because it's been DONE BEFORE. SO OFTEN. One of the best parts of Twilight Snarkle's Order from Chaos---which is a great crossover, for the record---is that he had a conflict that wasn't inherently, "I HATE EQUESTRIA AND WANT TO LEAVE!" It was about integration and self-redemption.


Once you've got your plot figured out, though, another thing to look for is, "Does this really need to be crossed over with something?"

I mean look at "Pinkie Pie talks to... One Piece Guy." Sure, that's an amusing scene, but does that warrant an entire plot around it? Could the plot work just as well if it was normal pirates? [i]Could the story work just as well if it didn't involve ponies?[/?] If the answer to the former is yes, I'd dissuade you from crossing over in the first place; it just seems like a weak excuse to borrow content from an existing show.

If the answer to the latter is yes, you should also drop ponies. No one's going to bite you if you write original fiction.

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't write a scene if it amuses you. But the word "vignette" comes to mind: a short little story where you get away with things such as "not having a conclusion" or "the characters don't learn anything." Emphasis on "SHORT" little story, though.


But finally, if you're crossing over with book or movie or a TV Series' arc, don't just find/replace characters with ponies. Plagiarism of that sort is insulting to the readers, insulting to the show's creators, and insulting to people who actually work on their stories.
>> No. 92594
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92594
>>92591
"Getting back to my home/dimension."
Oh darn really? Cause as I said plot wise it's just a little tweak from what actually happened in one piece: the main character's crew is defeated and spectated by the big bad and sent to various islands in the show's world. The big part I'm tweaking is where the main character is sent (in this case Equestria)
That being said the main character is a romantic: he loves adventure and fun so while he probably would like to stay in Equestria he can't because he's more concerned about his crew (oh the irony he can't stay in Equestria because of friendship)
>> No. 92596
>>92591
>>92594

If I may butt in for a sec...

I've also had an idea for a OP/MLP crossover, but in this one, I would put the ponies in the OP universe in the OP character's roles, but with a completely fresh plot. But like >>92591
has said, it may seem to be an insult to some, plus, some people don't like these kind of crossovers no matter how original the plot is. Does anyone know the stance on this?
>> No. 92597
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92597
i just had the most awesome idea for a Jacob's Ladder pony cross over, and it would star Derpy!

The story begins in Ponynam, where Derpy's unit is stationed, after the camp is attacked, many of the ponies around derpy are getting killed and slaughtered.

cut into the future, she is the mailmare for a city post office, living with her new marefriend and is living a relatively comfortable life, until one day in the mail. she recieved a manilla envelope that has a bunch of pictures from her past, one of them being a sweet grey unicorn filly with messy blonde hair, which causes her to break down into tears.

throughout the movie, she sees demons and figments come to life, as she tries to figure out what happened that day back when she was attacked, and the dark truth about her daughter.

in the end, she learned that her unit was given an experimental drug that caused them to be extremely violent, called the ladder, for it's like climbing into the pits of hell. She reunites with her dead daughter, and they walk up the stairs of her apartment.

then cuts back to Ponynam, a derpy eye'd pegasus was brought into a medic station severely wounded, they declared that she has passed away, and for some strange reason, she had the most peaceful look upon her face...
>> No. 92598
>>92596
Original plot? No, that's a GOOD thing. The only reason I brought up "insulting" was to do with plagiarizing an original plot. Such as:

>>92597
<_<

That's the plot of "Jacob's Ladder" (which, nice spoilers for the record---unlike this show, that movie HAD a plot) with Derpy pasted in for Jacob.
>> No. 92603
>>92598

Ahhh, I see. But what would be the limit on how much you make it similar to the show? For example, in OP, there's a crew of (to my most recent memory) around eight people. The number of crewmates would be the same, their jobs would be at least relatively close, but their reasons for joining, their goals, etc. would all be different.

Same thing for settings. Maybe one or two similar locales for major parts, but the rest is up to the imagination. How would that go over?
>> No. 92607
>>92603
Well, if you're having the ponies stand in for crewmates, my first question is "why?"

After that, the main concern is that you don't just copy the plot of an already-existing episode.


Basically, you should give some reason to read your fanfic than to just go watch an episode of One Piece and/or My Little Pony.
>> No. 92609
>>92607
I counter with, well, most of the crossovers, a particular case being "The Muffin Queen" where the episode of Dexter's lab was copied pretty much to the point it was a recoloring of the episode.

Was it bad? Not at all, it was a funny little story which I can say I enjoyed to read and would let others know to read (and also watch the Dexter clip).

I believe the real question of a crossover is not if you take the plot (writing is basically highly ornamented and dissimulated plarigism) but rather if it makes sense with it. Had they put Fluttershy instead of Derpy then it wouldn't have made sense, but Derpy make sense and people will enjoy reading it.

So, in other words, justifying why the crossover isn't the main point, it is to make sure the story makes sense.
>> No. 92612
>>92607
>>92609

Both very valid points. Not that I have the time to write the story right now anyway, but I'll think about it in the future. Thanks for the help, everyone.
>> No. 92613
>>92609
Justifying the crossover is part of making the story make sense, though.

Read:
>I mean look at "Pinkie Pie talks to... One Piece Guy." Sure, that's an amusing scene, but does that warrant an entire plot around it? Could the plot work just as well if it was normal pirates? Could the story work just as well if it didn't involve ponies? If the answer to the former is yes, I'd dissuade you from crossing over in the first place; it just seems like a weak excuse to borrow content from an existing show.
>> No. 92618
>>92613
And I refer you to this section:
>Could the story work just as well if it didn't involve ponies? If the answer to the former is yes, I'd dissuade you from crossing over in the first place; it just seems like a weak excuse to borrow content from an existing show.

This is were we disagree. You can make a crossover, reuse the plot, and make a good story, trying to limit yourself because someone did it before it just what happened to Doctor Chaos with the Simpsons (just trying to make you laugh, that's all) where he thought that because someone else did you can't; that's simply not true.

In case you don't believe me, look up "El Brujo Postergado" and it's relationship to Don Juan Manuel.

At the end, the question is: is the story good and does it make sense? Then use away, but don't get angry if someone says your story is "Ponies, IN SPACE!!!" which is a valid criticism, but shouldn't stop you from writing it.
>> No. 92632
>>92618
It's just that, when you make a crossover, it has to involve elements of both stories crossing over with one-another.

That is to say, something has to be gained from it. Slapping ponies on it and changing nothing else isn't a crossover, because nothing is gained from it.

At the very least it needs an original plot. Otherwise you can replace the whole story with "Watch/read ______"

Going back to my Deathnote: Equestria example, That is not a crossover, because it is just Death Note. If someone were to say, "Hey Anon, do you recommend Death Note: Equestria?" I would say, "No, just read/watch Death Note. The difference is merely cosmetic."

Nothing is gained from adding ponies, and the story is exactly the same. So there is no point to it being there.
>> No. 92633
>>92632
Again, look at "The Muffin Queen", which is basically a rehash of a Dexter episode.

I will agree that if you say crossover you should make the relationship between the two overt, but repainting a character is not bad unto itself, the issue is that most forget the fact their repaints aren't the previous character, not an issue of reusing the storyline or not.

In other words, the writers are bad, not the concept.
>> No. 92638
I come with a story idea I've thought up but just come around to outlining. I've decided to post it here, since the vast majority of the stories are still in the 'brainstorming' phase.

The basic pitch is as follows:
The story of Equestria as we know it begins with the fall of the Western Powers, a cataclysmic chain of events set into motion by the ancient predecessor of Cloudsdale's re-enterence into the world stage. This story is dedicated to meshing the history of ponies and our history, along with a few other elements.

Anyway, the link is here. I've enabled comments to allow for discussion in-doc:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qGxT4ZQ16LzgQ5S7QCk71qPFQbS4BL0-UaNuEKMf-mg/edit

Basically, I'd like to hear whether this is a good idea or not, and whether I should drop it before I get too invested. I've written a few chapters as a sample of what to expect. All input is welcome, especially with names and alternate ideas for chapters. A lot of this is very tentative, and trying to shove 5,000 words into a few paragraphs forces me to leave out the subplots and most of the character development. Thank you in advance.
>> No. 92639
>>92633
Ask yourself, though, "Am I laughing because of the author's blending of two universes, or am I laughing because he's making an observational joke that there are similarities between two shows?"

Cookie-cutter crossovers are exceptionally bad because they're lazy plagiarism.
>> No. 92750
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92750
>>92639
I return with a very rough draft of the first chapter. Again, this is very new territory I'm wandering into so I think this might be the best area to post to.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pEmxgcT8k9Kd2NkqizO5IDwFIPmoo1OUzeKbGVKcJHo/edit
>> No. 92751
File 133257630713.jpg - (23.53KB , 400x266 , 132203681843.jpg )
92751
>>92750
If you want a review, you should go to the training grounds.
Although I suppose someone will give your story a quick read in here.
...
>Opens
Your introduction is a rather boring, telly affair. It's all the sort of stuff Luffy could explain via recounting his adventures.

This is excessively telly, meaning it's also rather boring.
For example:
>Twilight Sparkle nervously looked at the large dark cloud over her home, a large tree in the center of Ponyville that also functioned as the town’s library.
First of all, listing that information isn't necessary since any MLP fan knows that. Next, there's no pizzaz, just cut-and-dry explanation. Unless you're writing a story for your elementary-school brother to read, having such simple and drab exposition will shut your readers down faster than Rainbow Dash can fall asleep.

Yeah, I skimmed a bit more and then closed it. You should bring this to Chowder's thread, actually. He specializes in beginners, although there's only so much he can do about your lack of style.
>> No. 92752
>>92751
I would assume that he's asking us to look at his story, not the way it's presented, considering how this is the Story Forge. Think of it as an outline with a little more words. I guess.
>> No. 92753
>>92751
>Your introduction is a rather boring, telly affair. It's all the sort of stuff Luffy could explain via recounting his adventures.
Darn, I was worried about that. See, what I did was pretty much copy the little "what happened last episode" from episodes 405 and 408 of the anime.
>> No. 92795
File 133261429590.jpg - (45.32KB , 570x384 , NotAmused.jpg )
92795
So, I had this other idea while listening to the soundtrack for The Social Network.

Recently I've decided I need to read more pone. So I downloaded a bunch of the most famous fics; Fallout: Equestria, One Last Quest, Antipodes, stuff like that. I'm about 700 pages into Fo:E, and I'm just astounded by the creativity behind the world-building. The whole technological revolution of Equestria with magic was what impressed me most, as well as how the characters of the show were woven into starting it (Although it did strike me as a little forced at the start, I got over that pretty quickly.)

I was thinking about how that all worked, with Sweetie Belle owning Stable-Tec and all, and it struck me that this kind of thing would make a great story all on its own! (I'm not talking about a Fo:E fanfic, but just the general idea.) Another thing that I had in mind was Apple's recent bank-balance announcement: They recently announced that they have $108 billion in revenues, and their market cap is $545 billion. I found myself wondering: "Did Jobs and Woz ever imagine Apple would grow this big?"

I started thinking about the story of a technological revolution in Equestria; the ponies who started it, the ones that became richer then their wildest dreams from it, and the ones who didn't make it or got burned along the way. Maybe with a similar feel to The Social Network, but with the invention of a spell-microchip or spell matrix. I don't really have anything clear in my mind right now, but maybe two friends invent it (Kind of like TSN) and slowly drift apart as the idea gets bigger and crazier. The story can have two faces; the one which follows the divergence of these two best friends and also the bigger story of how radically Equestria is changing due to their invention. It could follow themes like:

• Friendship, and how even the closest bonds can bend and break
• Change, and dealing with it.
• Technology and its effect on the world.
• Money, and how it corrupts and blinds.

I'm sure I could never pull something like this off, but maybe someone else could?
>> No. 92994
File 133270229153.jpg - (214.93KB , 1024x854 , sittin.jpg )
92994
And, I had another idea...

The story follows the life of a third-generation-living-in-Equestria zebra, struggling with work, love and subtle racism. (He doesn't speak in rhyme, since he grew up in Equestria.)

His passion is music. His dream is to spread his music across Equestria, but there's one problem: It's rap. No-one's even heard of it.

The story goes through his daily life, being an assistant to a unicorn researcher at the university, and his love interest (a pretty pegasus from an apartment on the floor below he sees at the store and park sometimes.)

He decides that he might as well try and and get a record deal somewhere, so he sends a letter to NeedleDrop Records. He gets a short, uninterested letter back, saying: 'We fear that the genre is niche, and you'd be better off trying a smaller record label which specializes in these kinds of releases.'

He looks down to the bottom of the letter, where there's a scrawly, pretentious-looking signature.

On behalf of active CEO, Vinyl Scratch
Singed,
Cherry Picks
VP of Acquisitions
NeedleDrop Records, Inc.


They didn't even ask for a sample! His anger simmers away a little as he realizes who owns the company. He comes up with a plan: He'll show Scratch his music himself!

He knows a Vinyl Scratch gig is happening soon, so he tries to get a VIP ticket which includes a little time with Scratch at the after-party. Perfect.

Except... The VIP tickets cost more than six months' wages. Argh!

Rent is up soon, and he needs that money. He thinks for a moment. Hell, you only live once, right?

He buys the ticket.

Since he's feeling so adventurous, he also decides to strike up some conversation with the pretty pegasus. She sneers at him like he's some kind of dirt and trots away.

Feeling defeated and suddenly very unsure about whether he made the right decision, he heads home. He then realizes he needs to get some food.

After shopping he gets home and realizes he is now completely, flat-broke. Everything rides on impressing Scratch.

Gig-day comes, and he's feeling sick with nerves. He goes to the gig and can't even hear the music. He's going through his own lyrics instead.

It ends, and he's soon at the after-party. He feels very, very out-of-place. Even more than normal. All of the ponies there are the type that can afford it; rich, my-daddy-owns-five-luxury-condos-in-Canterlot types kids. And they're all clamoring over Vinyl like another toy they can ask their daddies for, even though she's probably just as rich as them.

He watches as Vinyl manages to get away from the crowd and crash on the sofa with a drink. Two big, scary-looking stallions with dark shades flank her, daring anyone to try and talk to her. Well, fuck it. Might as well make the most of it. And at least the drinks are free.

He trots up to Scratch, trying to ignore the stallions scraping their hooves over the floor menacingly. Vinyl looks up from her drink, it's hard to work out her expression behind her shades, but she's smiling curiously.

"Get out of here, zebra," one of the guards spits.
"Hey, shuddup, Shove! Be nice!" Vinyl laughs. "Don't mind Push and Shove, they're nice guys, really. C'mon, sit over here!" She pats the spot on the sofa next to her.

He sits down next to her, smiling cautiously at Push and Shove. They just leer back. Ouch.

"So, d'you like the show?" Vinyl asks.
"Yeah, it was good... But that's not really why I'm here..."
"Oh?"

He tells her about his music. It's really hard to see how she's reacting without being able to see her eyes.

"Hmm."

He stares at her awkwardly, readying himself for: "I fear that the genre is niche, and you'd be better off trying a smaller record label which specializes in these kinds of releases."

Instead, she says: "Could you do some now?"
"What?"
"C'mon, show me some bars!"

"Um..."

His mind suddenly goes blank. Vinyl lowers her glasses and peers at him from over them, looking slightly worried.

"Alright, let me spit it straight:
your stallions don't scare me;
they're like bunch of fillies,
I'm only here to spit this, really, clearly,
I'm a rising star, call that shit Luna,
moving like a sun, Celestia's,
remember that I'm known for bad behavior,
got this whole place moving like a Wonderbolt tour,
I'm a fucking entrepreneur!
Make sure your holdings are secure,
call that Mare-yl Lynch,
I'm like a real zebra-finch!
And you know this ain't lip-synch—"

"Whoa, whoa, hold up!" Scratch squeals. "You, me, stage, now!"
"What?"
"I have the perfect beat for this, c'mon!"

So Vinyl pulls the zebra all the way to the stage, and she picks up a microphone.

"So, we have a very special guest here tonight, if you don't know him you really need to go listen to some more music and catch up on the scene, because this shit is hot! So, without further ado, let's blow up these speakers, shake up the house, make room for Striped!"

I guess my stage name is 'Striped' now...

I think it would probably be best as a first person narrative.
Kind of inspired by this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euNMP051HVE
>> No. 93011
File 133270855786.png - (29.52KB , 347x406 , Glare.png )
93011
>>92994
So he's a Zebra... who invents rap.

Tell me, does he wear gold chains and eat watermelon while he's at it?
>> No. 93014
>>93011
Um, no, I would imagine since zebras talk in rhyme, it wouldn't exactly be new. I would say he popularizes it in Equestria.
>> No. 93015
>>93011
no, that is racist. he eats chicken
>> No. 93020
File 133271128506.png - (125.84KB , 600x600 , 57454 - Discord artist briskby artist rose megatroll super_troll trollface trollscord ultimate_t.png )
93020
>>93015
Last I checked, Zebras were herbivores.
>> No. 93034
Okay, it starts out with Twilight and her friends having a normal day, but it soon blurs out of focus for Twilight, and she hears a voice calling her "Miss Spark".

Apparently, the character turns out to be a human named Tabitha Spark, a 16 year old girl. She found Friendshiop is Magic a few years back, and used it to escape from her home life, which wasn't the greatest.

Eventually, though, she became obsessed with the show, and especially with Twilight. She dyed her hair to look like Twilight, started calling her teachers "Princess Celestia", and insisted her name was Twilight Sparkle (being 13-14 at the time, she was far too old for it to be just a kid's overactive imagination). Naturally, her parents became concerned and had her taken to a mental hospital.

The thing is, I don't want to be insensitive to those suffering from mental illness or their families, so I want to tread lightly when I write it. Any ideas you may have?
>> No. 93036
>>93034
Interesting idea, but I'm pretty sure it's kind of already been done.

If I'm not mistaken, there's a fic called 'The Cold, Empty Bottle of Sarsparilla' which features Pinkie Pie going through the same thing. At least, it was called something like that.
>> No. 93037
From what I see from the picture and description, it could be similar (I have yet to actually sit down and read it, though). But they also say that there's no new ideas anymore.
>> No. 93043
>>93037
That's true, but if you have the gall to redo someone's idea, just make sure you do it better than the original.

As for "not being insensitive to people with mental disorders," you should probably read up on case studies and other professional literature surrounding the illness, so you know what the people with that illness are like / go through.

You should also make sure that your illness actually has dissociative reality (or whatever symptom causes someone to think they're a pony in an alternate reality) as a symptom.
>> No. 93051
How far along are you in the next chapter of Summer days? i Reaaallly want to read it, youre an amazing writer Nicknack.
>> No. 93052
File 133272267546.png - (112.68KB , 475x797 , I See.png )
93052
>>93051
Well, this spring, I'm currently taking a break from the summer romance story that I wrote during winter in order to write another romance that occurred in the autumn/winter months... so... June?
>> No. 93055
>>93052
Ok i guess i can wait that long. Thanks for the reply.
>> No. 93057
>>93055
For the record, I have no idea. I *hope* to be done soon, but then again, I thought I'd be done with this story in September, so... yeah, you can see how that worked out.

In the mean time, I might start posting Heart of Gold, Feathers of Steel on Fimfiction.net.
>> No. 93058
>>93057
Well take your time I've got a couple other stories to read in the meantime but heart of gold still tops the list. By the way I used to really dislike Gilda until I read this. Anyway good luck with the story, I've got high hopes for this one.
>> No. 93616
So, I'd like a little help with a character.

I'm currently brainstorming for a fic set about ten years in the future, when the mane 6 have all gone their seperate ways.

Among other things, Pinkie Pie is married (NO WAY she would pass up a party like that!). I want to make her husband a good fit for her, so I kinda started with her personality and worked backwards. The concept, copy-pasted below, is kinda rough, but I'm happy with it. I've given him the palceholder name of Happy--i know it's terrible, but i suck at coming up with names. I'd like to know what you guys think--if the character seems reasonable and if you think they'd work together (also, it's appreciate any suggestions for a name)...

Happy is an earth stallion with a golden coat and straight white mane (i.e. Surprise’s color scheme, reversed). He rarely walks anywhere, preferring to prance/skip like Pinkie does. He’s always incredibly happy, and very little actually gets him down. He loves to sing, even when he’s all by himself. He’ll occasionally compose a song on the spot; these are usually terrible enough to make everyone around, Pinkie included, bust up laughing. Whenever they need to dress formally (for their wedding or something) he does so eagerly, but with such an air of mock formality that no one takes him seriously.

Despite his somewhat ridiculous facade, Happy deeply cares for Pinkie. They have a bunch of little games they play: for example, they make up pet names for each other on the fly-- goofy, silly, nonsense ones like “Sugar Muffin.” Happy often plays elaborate pranks on Pinkie, which always have a love note or a little treat at the end. If Pinkie’s calling in life is to see everyone smile, Happy's is to see HER smile.
>> No. 93637
This isn't necessarily a story idea, but an idea I had about alicorns (to add another one to the growing pile). My idea is that alicorns did not occur naturally , but they are instead unicorns with such powerful magic that their horn grows longer, and they use their magic to give themselves wings (because seriously, who wouldn't want to give themselves the power to fly?). They could incorporate this change into their very DNA, so their offspring would be born with wings as well. In the history of Equestria, only Celestia and Luna have had enough magic to give themselves wings.

I hope that doesn't sound too weird. Magic has been used to explain odder things. I might put this theory into the fic I'm working on.
>> No. 93687
I still want to write "Friendship: The Gathering" because it's such a good name. Unfortunately, I don't know THAT much about MTG canon and wouldn't be even slightly prepared to write for the other Planeswalkers coming to Equestria. I also don't actually care about this idea enough to want to research it by reading MTG books...

Could I possibly do this without having to overstep what I know? Perhaps if the other Walkers' influence was all in the background, and the people themselves only show up very rarely?
>> No. 93689
I'll share my two cents.

The game of Tag (where you go an tag each other, duh.) is an ancient and cursed form of torture in Equestra.
If a pony is "it" they are cursed with bad luck. This usually revolves around everyone running for their lives from said pony.
Symptoms of being "it" include but are not limited to:
-Excessive flatulence
-Very unfortunate and not being able to win at anything
-Spoonerisms
-The fear of paper
-Eye twitches
-The mane standing on end for prolonged periods of time
-Laughing at the words "fluffy" and "marshmallow"

Also, no tagbacks.
>> No. 93699
>>93637

This idea sounds a lot like Fanwank--almost like you're trying to alter canon to "fix" the story. if unicorns can become gods through an act of will, why are there only two? And why are all three alicorns we've met girls?

If you want to keep this idea, I would change it so that they need to do something special to be Alicorns--it's not just a regular spell thqt gives them wings, but a dangerous, risky process that increases their magical power while giving them wings and/or a horn. Perhaps the Elements are invovlved? Even these small changes might be enough to make it work, and would also make it possible for pegasi, or, heck, even earth ponies, to go through the process as well. C
>> No. 93704
>>93699

Yeah, it isn't a fully formulated idea yet. But like I said, I don't see alicorns as a race that simply "died out." I would like magic to be involved somehow (when isn't it in this universe?), but you're right, essentially "wishing super hard to get wings" isn't the best kind of storytelling.

I'm also looking for ideas for an overarching conflict in the fic I'm working on. In it, Celestia shares memories (the framing stories) with Twilight in order to show her the complications of being an eternal ruler: immortality, possessing and controlling tons of magical power, being treated so formally by everypony around her...

Currently, I'm working on the flashback posts, so I can sort of skirt around the overall conflict for now, but I don't want to put it off for too long. Exactly what would Celestia want to share these memories and lessons with Twilight? That's why I was thinking about alicorns above: one idea is that Celestia wants Twilight to attempt the process of becoming an alicorn and rule Equestria along with her and Luna. Does this sound okay? Any other ideas?
>> No. 93708
>>93704

What if it's Celestia reflecting on her own past? I could see her, for example, presiding over a parade, and events, for some reason, remind her of her own story. She starts reflecting on it, and you get your flashbacks.

I don't like the idea of Twilight being co-princess with Luna and Celestia. Perhaps one or both of them wants to retire/die, and are preparing Twilight for the process?
>> No. 93710
>>93708

Well, I've thought about that, but would that still have any overarching conflict? And I also like the idea of Celestia being able to share her vast knowledge with Twilight.

Also, a big part of chapter one is how Celestia has lost every friend she has ever had. Perhaps she can't bare to lose another friend in Twilight Sparkle, the most faithful and magical student she has ever had, so she wants to make her immortal like her. Plus, I think at times, it would be tough for just Celestia and Luna to run an entire kingdom.
>> No. 93722
>>93710
Oh, man. The "Reflection" storyline could definitely have a conflict. It's an internal conflict, not an external one though.

For example: Celestia is presiding over court or some other big, public meeting. She sees a pony who reminds her of one of her childhood friends, which kicks off the flashback. The friend probably needs to die dramatically, which leads into her reflections about all the friends she's lost.

Perhaps later, Celestia grows close to someone else (another student?) and tries to bestow Alicorn-ness on her, but she ends up dying. Perhaps the friend was terminally ill already? Either way, Celestia feels rotten.

The conflict becomes: Celestia is an all-powerful god-queen who has very little control over her life, and the lives of those around her. Her flashbacks become a way to work through her issues.

Perhaps you could take the same story, but make it so she's telling Twilight the story, and ends with an offer to make HER an alicorn, so Celestia can "retire," whatever that entails.
>> No. 93731
>>93616

So, I posted an idea for Pinkie’s husband; it occurred to me that he’s basically a Rule 63 Pinkie. I wrote up a little bit of the story to see if I like him. It’s rough, but run with it.

In this segment, Twilight is going around meeting up with her friends. She’s in Manehattan(?) looking for Pinkie, and has just arrived at her address: a giant storefront called “The Party Place.”

===

The bell above the door dinged as Twilight walked through. She looked up and gasped.
The room was massive, easily twice as big as her old library. Tall shelves stood in long aisles, filled with all kinds of stuff--party hats, poppers, streamers, confetti, candy, the works. A big display in the center of the room showed off a tasteful arrangement for a wedding, mannequins dressed as bride, groom, and priest in the very center. Twilight stared around the room in awe, a slow smile creeping across her face.

Right at that moment, a stallion with a golden coat stepped out from one of the aisles. No, not stepped--more like "bounced." He carried a tall stack of precariously-balanced boxes on his back, and was singing cheerfully to no one in particular. As he rounded the corner, he saw Twilight and gasped. He carefully set down the boxes, and, in a flash, was at her side.

"Hell-o-o there," he said brightly, "my name is Happy Days, and welcome to the Party Place!" he grinned. "We're your number-one place for parties: we do..." he turned and bounced away, chanting in a singsong voice, "...birthdays, bridal showers, baby showers, batchelor parties..." now he was full-out singing in a mock bass voice, "graduation, ETC." one last bounce, and he stood behind the cash register. He leaned casually on the counter, and flashed her a smile. "so, what's your pleasure? Or your poison, if you prefer? We'd be perfectly pleased to provide both, Miss..."

Twilight laughed. She hadn't laughed like that in a long time. It really HAD been too long since she'd been around Pinkie.

Twilight wiped away a tear. "It’s actually ‘Mrs.’ Mrs. Twilight Sparkle."

He smiled even wider. "Mrs. Sparkle! Ooh, I love that--nice sound to it. Mrs. Spark-le," he sang again, his voice echoing around the room. Twilight laughed again.

Happy turned back to her. "So, what can I do for you, Mrs. Sparkle?"

She smiled. "I'm actually looking for Pinkie Pie. Is she in?"

Happy stared at her blankly for a moment. Then he broke into a roguish grin. "Oh, Mrs. Pi-i-i-e," he called brightly over his shoulder, " you have a v-i-i-sit-o-o-r..."

===
so, what do you guys think? Do you think this guy might work as Pinkie's OC husband?
>> No. 93830
File
Removed
Okay, so I have another, more original idea, loosely based off some basic thoughts I've had about life. Sometimes, I yearn for something more significant, for life to have more meaning. Or, I'll want to be able to do something incredible/impossible, like fly. But I know I will always be just me: nothing special.

This story would be from Pinkie's point of view, and switch between a handful of scenes from her life and diary entries she makes. In the action scenes, she would primarily be bouncing, happy Pinkie Pie, but in the diary entries her tone would be much more serious in tone. Afterall, our personalities with friends and while alone can be drastically different things. She would write about how sometimes she wish she could be a unicorn, and do incredible magic, or be a pegasus and fly. But she's a simple earth pony, and that will never change. She'll never be able to do anything special. That's how she would feel, at least. She wouldn't think that life is meaningless, but empty at times. The resolution would be her getting help from her friends and being able to focus on the happy parts of her life, not what she doesn't have.

It's sort of hard to describe what I'm going for, and I realize it sounds a little angsty/cheesy, but I'm going to mess around with it. Does this idea sound passable, at least? I'm trying to shoot for something a little more original.
>> No. 93847
File 133307025709.gif - (868.55KB , 514x449 , ba1.gif )
93847
>>93731
Be careful with having canon characters married at the start of a story. I'd imagine Pinkie and Happy would regal Twilight with the story behind their wedding, which could offset this issue. However, that brings up the question of where Twilight was when Pinkie got hitched. After all, marriage is like the penultimate step of friendship (having a child, I've always thought, would be the final one), and I'm sure Twilight wouldn't miss the chance to record observations on something as important as that. You could even play off of it by having Pinkie telling Twilight that love is like her Pinkie Sense; it can't be defined by statistics or facts.
>> No. 93896
>>93847

Hm. Good points.

Also, I'm curious: What made you choose that pic for your reply?
>> No. 93899
>>93896
Because I use my other Pinkie pics too often, and I figured it was tangentially related to fixing your idea.
>> No. 93932
This isn't just about an idea, more about writing advice/technique, but I didn't think it warranted a new topic, so I figured this would be the best place to ask.

>>93830

This is the post I made about an idea I had about Pinkie Pie feeling down because she doesn't think she's as special as the rest of her friends (in a nutshell). It starts when she sees Rainbow flying in an aerial acrobatics show, and she starts feeling this desire to fly swell up inside her. But she doesn't instantly just become all sad and mopy; the feeling is just in her head. One of the things I want to illustrate in the beginning is that if someone has a problem he or she considers silly, that person will hide it from his or her friends and act normal. Even though Pinkie Pie is slowly being consumed by this desire to fly, or be something more than she is, at the beginning it's all in her head. She feels a little down, but doesn't show it. My main question is: how to effectively express this emotion? I know it's best to show what characters are feeling through their actions, but in this case there is nothing to be shown. In this case, I can only tell. Would this be effective? Or would it just come off as flat? I can't just ignore the emotion; otherwise the rest of the story would be Pinkie and her friends doing normal things without conflict.

One thing I'm doing is having the story be broken up with journal entries by Pinkie, to directly get insight into her thoughts. But the whole story can't be just journal entries, leading me back to the problem I described above.

Another idea I had would be to have the physical manifestations of her sadness start out being extremely subtle, and mention how no pony else picks up on it: show and tell.

Anyways, it's kinda an experimental story. Basically, what it boils down to is: how to effectively convey a character's emotions when the emotion doesn't manifest into something physical? Or when traditional showing doesn't work?

Anyways, sorry for the long, somewhat rambling post. If this is the wrong place for this sort of discussion, point me in the right direction.
>> No. 93940
File 133309173989.gif - (463.47KB , 400x312 , 9k59pi.gif )
93940
>>93932
I... honestly can't say. Maybe start the story off with her being her regular, obioviously obnoxious self, then have it slowly dial down as it progresses. Have her happy-happy-joy-joy slap the reader in the face, that way the slump is more pronounced. And after a while, make sure her friends notice the change as well. Perhaps Fluttershy notices it first, since she's the most empathetic, and Rainbow would be last since she isn't the type to notice subtle naunces.
>> No. 93952
File 133309974137.jpg - (4.23KB , 187x169 , 1332242871009.jpg )
93952
>>93932

Pinkie's optimism and cheery nature seems to manifest mostly with physical cues(hopping etc) and the way she speaks. We've seen how she is when she's NOT super-duper happy and she almost competely reverts to a very 'normal' form of speech. I think this is what you should try to go for.

She adds color, shape, movement and cheery tones to her descriptions, when addressing people etc. If you start toning down on these gradually, you'd eventually have the reader see how she's losing steam, so to say.
>> No. 93961
>>93932

There are a few subtle cues you could use. Perhaps her smiles are strained or fake, or, a personal favorite, she has a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

Perhaps a friend asks her how she's feeling, and she smiles really big, but as soon as they turn away, she drops her smile, maybe frowning or hanging her head.

Just do something to indicate that the emotions she's displaying aren't genuine.
>> No. 93965
>>93961

You could also have her do things when her friends aren't around--perhaps she loses interest in things she likes to do by herself? Maybe she just lays on her bed and stares at the wall? If you write these well, they could be really effective showing.
>> No. 93978
>>93940
>>93952
>>93961
>>93965

Thanks, you guys. I didn't expect so much feedback on such an odd/experimental idea. My main concern was that I wouldn't be able to convey Pinkie's sense of helplessness effectively, but your ideas have helped.

My main question is: does this idea seem believable? This is why I need to be able to convey her emotion so well, to illustrate that although her problem seems silly, it's genuine in her eyes. What makes it even more hopeless is that it's a problem she'll never be able to change.
>> No. 93979
>>93978

Pinkie Pie strikes me as having some deep self-esteem issues (If you want more detail, let me know). Thus, I see her sinking into depression as working rather well.

That said, I'm not sure her friends' talents would cause her to sink into the depression. Pinkie is special in her own way--she sings, she bakes, and (most) people like her. Perhaps she devalues her own talents, instead of helping with her own.
>> No. 93981
>>93979

...wow, that last bit made no sense.

What I was trying to say: Perhaps Pinkie thinks that her talents aren't all that awesome. Applejack can bake, Rarity can sing, and everyone likes Fluttershy. Maybe she begins to see her own talents as worthless, and her other friend's talents as better/more significant.
>> No. 93982
>>93979

One thing I want to illustrate in this story is that depression, or sadness, or whatever can strike at the most innocent of moments, especially when it comes to an issue such as self esteem. Seeing Rainbow fly would remind her of something really cool she can't do. This would snowball, and she begins to think of other ways in which she's inferior: she can't do cool magic like Twilight, she doesn't run an important farm like Applejack, or create beautiful dresses like Rarity. In her eyes, she just throws parties and bakes. She feels like she has no useful talents. She loses her grip on reality: she forgets she has wonderful, loving friends, and instead focuses on what she doesn't have. She can't shake this desire to be something more, no matter how hard she tries.

Some of this doesn't make perfect sense (why would seeing Rainbow fly for the billionth time cause her to be jealous?), which is why I have her start a journal so she can explore her thoughts and try to figure out why she's feeling so down. Here's an excerpt from her journal the day she begins feeling this way:

It's funny. I had seen Rainbow fly how many times? Hundreds? I never gave it a second thought before. It was just one of those things I accepted. But then, to be jealous for some reason? To want it for myself? There's simply no explanation for it. Was my mind somehow slightly weaker that day? Did my "silly thoughts filter" fail? Who knows. All that matters is that it's stuck in my head now, burrowed in my mind like a parasprite. It left me vulnerable to what happened next: when Rarity said her dressed were going to be featured in some magazine. I should have been ecstatic for her. But I wasn't. It was a just a reminder of how I really haven't done anything with my life.


It is a fairly ambitious idea, so I hope I can pull it off.
>> No. 93983
>>93982

Hm...perhaps try doing away with the journal? It feels a little artificial.

Perhaps Pinkie is watching RD fly, and she notices first he first time, her expression: pure joy. Pinkie tries to reflect on the last time she felt like that, and perhaps can't come up with a memory. She's troubled, and when she goes to see Rarity and hears about her dresses, Pinkie watches her expression, and sees something she doesn't feel either (pride?).

This is what snowballs: she feels she's not feeling success the way her friends are.
>> No. 93984
>>93983

I'll have to see about the journal. I'd like to get inside Pinkie's direct thoughts as this whole thing is unraveling, and a journal seems to be the best way to do it. She thinks her problem is silly and doesn't want to bother her friends with it, which is why she writes her thoughts down.

I'll keep writing the story and see if I can effectively tell it without the journal.
>> No. 93985
>>93984

Third-person omniscient narrator might work well.

"It's funny. She'd seen Rainbow fly--how many times? Hundreds? She'd never given it a second thought before. It was just one of those things she accepted, like the color of the sky or the feel of grass under her hooves. But then, to be jealous for some reason? To want it for herself? She simply couldn't explain it."
>> No. 93986
>>93985

Ooh, good idea. Couldn't that also be third person limited, if I was only focusing on Pinkie's thoughts?

But third person lacks the emotional impact of first person. I'll have to see what I want to do.
>> No. 93992
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93992
Somehow, this idea came from my mind recently in the pre-reader IRC, but I don't think I'll write it. I'll just dump it here.

In short: the story looks like a bog-standard shipfic at first, except it becomes about somepony going on a mass murdering spree with a knife.

The title would be Slash Fiction
>> No. 94005
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94005
>>93992
Sounds like one of those stories that just builds up to a pun (Better Nate than Lever, anyone?). Not that there's anything wrong with that, you just have to be careful basing an entire story off of something as so-bad-it's-good as that.

I can't remember the name of it, but there was a book made by several accomplished writers a few decades ago that was desgined to be a stealth parody of the harlequin genre. The only consistent thing in the story was the main character's name. Beyond that, every "chapter" (which concluded with a gratuitous sex scene) had no linearity. It was poorly written on purpose and they eschewed from anything that would have made the story decent, trading meaningful build-up for instant gratification.

Needless to say, much to their chargin, it sold like hotcakes and became a best-seller.

Anyone here up to making the officially unofficial /fic/ shitstory extravaganza?
>> No. 94050
>>94005
I'm pretty sure you guys already did that once.

Now it's gone.
>> No. 94108
File 133316288131.gif - (1.07MB , 200x136 , 277.gif )
94108
>>94050
Are you referencing HORI or the /fic/ collaboration? Because HORI was done by one person, and the collab was supposed to be at least decent (and it never went past mildly sensual). This would be a so-bad-it's-bad, cross-the-line-twice shitfic, the kind that could give even Ponyfall a run for its money on the sliding scale of crappy story vs. popularity. The only common element would be the main character, and not even their personality, just the same physical description. No one would have an idea of what another writer was making, thereby ensuring the story would have an incomprehensible plot progression (being that there wouldn't be one).
>> No. 94125
>>94005
I know of at least two books that fit that description: Naked Came the Stranger and Atlanta Nights. Both are very, very bad.
>> No. 94127
File 133316700280.jpg - (40.31KB , 600x376 , 585620-20angel20fluttershy20Futurama20meme20parody.jpg )
94127
>>94125
Naked, that's the one.
You think we can capture the essence of what made it so purposefully terrible?
>> No. 94145
>>92571
Related to the above post:

I'm working on editing a journal-based fic. Again, this is a character sharing selected entries from her journal with a third party (Probably Celestia).

A problem I'm running into is the timeframe. Often, the entries she shares are separated by months and years. I think I can make the individual entries work, but I'm not sure how to talk about how much time has passed between entries.

In my original draft, which didn't have the frame narrative, the narrator would reference the other entries: "It's been a year since Event X." However, this doesn't seem very journal-y to me, now that I think about it.

I could always have her say "Oh, this entry comes six months later" before the entry itself starts, but that seems like it would get old really fast.

I could also have her put her age on the entries, but that will only work when she's really small.

Lastly, I could date the entries, but that would require me to come up with a calendar (or at least a reasonable-sounding year), and I feel it wouldn't be as clear as the other methods.

Any thoughts?
>> No. 94149
>>94145
Simply Rarity is the best use of a journal format I've read in the fandom so far. I'd suggest giving it a read for ideas on how to do it.
>> No. 94153
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94153
>>94149
Also Black & White, but it's not so much a journal as it is a letter.

However, do not follow their example of using Times New Roman. Times New Roman is bad. The only reason anybody uses it is because it was a default in MSWord for a while, and because people are afraid of change and things they don't recognise. Use Georgia. Georgia is great.
>> No. 94158
File 133317857112.jpg - (32.03KB , 536x350 , a13.jpg )
94158
>>94153
>Times New Roman is bad
You shut your horse mouth!
>> No. 94162
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94162
>>94158
>> No. 94176
>>94149
>>94153

Why.
WHY WHY WHY WHY.
Why would you do such a thing?

I read both the fics, and they answered a bunch of my questions. But now I have more questions than I started with.

Specifically, how can I measure up?

I LOVED both of those fics, even Black and White--and slashfics ordinarily drive me INSANE. But now, I don't know if I can measure up. I know that's not the point of writing fanfiction, but it still kinda hurts.

I think the question I was asking is different than the one I typed--how can I tell the story I want to tell, with a mix of present and past tense? I think that's a question I need to answer on my own, but I think I'm closer now.

Thanks for letting me whine, guys. I'm going back in my cave now.

(And, I happen to really like Times New Roman. I use it for everything I type that doesn't go on the internet)
>> No. 94177
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94177
>>94176
Most people consider Simply Rarity to be among the best fics in fandom (myself included), and I happen to think that Black & White is too. Don't fret too much that you can't measure up.

I think that's something I need to tell myself more often.
>> No. 94203
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94203
So I had a kind of out-there idea for my next fic, once I'm done with the one I'm currently working on (Smiling Flowers)...I was inspired by the amazing, amazing movie Exit Through The Gift Shop.

Basically, a story about the few months following the Grand Galloping Gala. Octavia falls into a brief depression due to having the most important performance of her life ruined by the Mane 6....depression which becomes anger when she discovers that Princess Celestia is the one who invited them, and did it specifically to inject some "fun" into the Gala.

In an angry act of revenge, Octavia spray paints a statue of Celestia in the middle of Canterlot green. She was just acting out of blind revenge and letting steam out, but it ends up being the catalyst for her becoming an extremely controversial street artist in Canterlot. There's no precedent in Canterlot for street art (whether it's legal or not, that is), so she's able to continue with graffiti without fear of arrest, but it ends up instead sparking a massive debate in Canterlot as to whether or not it should be allowed, with her at the center of it, torn by the dueling arguments of "it's art and expression" vs "it's defacing property and wrong".

Basically, a story about expressing yourself, using street art as the medium. There's a LOT more to the story, but that's the basic idea of it. I even want to name it Exit Through Canterlot as a tribute to the movie it's inspired by (Which, btw, you should totally see if you haven't).

Anyone have anything to add to that, or feedback on the general story?
>> No. 94206
>>94203
Could be interesting, but the connection between Octavia and street art is tenuous at best.
Perhaps Jet Set Radio starring Scootaloo?
>> No. 94218
File 133322110139.png - (92.05KB , 320x260 , JSRScoot.png )
94218
>>94206

It is tenuous, but that's exactly what I'm going to go into in the story...how the one act of anger leads to her learning about it, embracing it, using it to express herself, etc etc. Another connection in the story will be through her BFF Vinyl Scratch, who had been encouraging her to express herself for some time, and really wants Octavia to embrace the controversy and fame that the one act of vandalism brings her.

Also, Jet Set Radio Scoot would be amazing.
>> No. 94219
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94219
>>94206

I would fund you with a lifetime supply of pudding.

Also, on a non-related note, how's Wakfu?
>> No. 94233
>>94206

Jet Set Radio wasn't a genuine or serious statement about graffiti as art. It was just a formulation of the whole idea of the rebellious teens vs. the oppressive police state.

Octavia fits because fanon thinks of her as a serious artist.
>> No. 94237
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94237
>>94219
>Doesn't like pudding

Quite good. The plot isn't braindead, there's some honestly funny humour in it, and the action is very fluid and dynamic (if a little repetative, thanks to the anime trope of let's-have-a-ten-second-cut-of-this-character-twirling-his-sword-like-he-does-in-every-episode). The subbing leaves much to be desired, though (egads, so many punctuation and syntax errors! Makes me wish I had the know-how and drive to re-subtitle it). One thing I've been puzzling over is how the show is animated. Is it a mix of 3D and 2D?
>> No. 94240
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94240
>>94203
Heehee!
I do love a good Banksy, I went to his cool exhibition thingy in Bristol ages ago. He made all these moving sausages in cages for guinea pigs, which was kind of crazy...

Feels weird to choose Octavia though. Maybe you need to invent a quirky, snide, douchebaggy Banksy OC? Or maybe you need to make up a boring old boring OC and have him be inspired by the work of a quirky, snide Banksy OC only to discover that quirky, snide Banksy OC is was actually his best friend or something? (Y'know, cuz Banksy's all mysterious 'n stuff...)
>> No. 94243
>>94240

To be perfectly honest, I've NEVER liked making OCs. I prefer working with characters who already exist. My current story has one OC, and he's in it for exactly one scene before he's thrown into a crate and never heard from again, save for a few memories of stuff he said in his one scene.

Plus, I'm absolutely in love with Octavia's character design, and I think I could work an interesting story out of both the street art and her music making. For me at least, it's more interesting for Octavia to become a Pony Banksy. A Flanksy, if you will.

...I should write that down. "Flanksy"...
>> No. 94252
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94252
>>94237

Glad to hear you like it! It does have its cliché moments, but thankfully the fluidity of the animation often makes me forget about them, especially when they start using some really fancy choerography, like in Ep. 17(not gonna spoil it, in case you're not there yet).

Sadly, I have to agree on the sub quality, it's pretty damn horrendous. An actual sub team only surfaced near the very end, that's why the first half especially is really hectic. From what I've heard, it's kind of difficult to translate it anyway, because the show uses a truckload of puns, such as Amalia supposedly dropping plant-puns all the time.

I sadly don't know much about the animation though, aside from the fact that it's done in Adobe Flash.

>>http://derpy.me/WFF1K

This is a link to a thread on the Wakfu forums that has a translated interview with the creators of the show and they do go into the technical stuff a little.
>> No. 94258
>>94252
The link went to Wakfu's main page >_>
Have you played the game? I've been wondering if it's any good.
>> No. 94279
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94279
>>94258

The site is often pretty damn faulty. Google "wakfu flash animation" and follow the first link.

I've tried the game, it's not bad. The animation is fun, but the F2P part is pretty restrictive and there's a LOT of grinding involved.
>> No. 94291
>>94279
Doesn't work. Keeps redirecting to the main page, even when I copy/paste the link in myself.

Yeah, I heard about that, too.
>> No. 94344
I've been mulling about a sort of pseudo-tyrant Celestia idea. I don't like to think of her as a natural tyrant, but as a pony who loves to embrace her power when appropriate. For example, when executing a convicted murderer. She wouldn't feel much remorse, because she's seen tons of friends die. In her eyes, the killer would just die of natural age in a blink of her eyes.

That's about all I have right now, and it needs some serious work. For one, there's no really conflict in "Celestia uses awesome magic to execute somepony." At best, the story would be cool and well written and explore a different side of Celestia. At worst, it would be considered a troll fic if I make it too gruesome and shallow. I just really want to write a sort of grim dark fic right now.
>> No. 94392
>>94344
There doesn't really have to be a conflict really.

It could be one of those "a peek into the mind of ___" fics.
>> No. 94428
Two things related to the story I'm working on.

Firstly, does Dash's favorite board game—the Battleship-like one—have a fanon name?

Secondly, do you recognize any of the following names? If not, what do they put you in mind of?
-Dabih
-Algol
-Tarazed
-Sadalbari
-Alcor
>> No. 94442
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94442
>>94428
I recognize them, and off the top of my head remember the constellations most of them belong to. I just can't remember the Bayer designations for them.
>> No. 94730
An Idea popped into my head today, rather another (OH GOD) HiE fanfic, but rather instead of the perspective of the human it's focused on the perspective of Celestia.

The backstory is that throughout the ages of pony-society that there has been incursions of individuals and groups at seperate times in different areas of time coming in, and the story focuses on Celestia's actions to be the hidden hand in the play, of where everything is trying to be orchestrated by her with varying degrees of success.

Celestia will be portrayed as a godlike figure that has sacrificed the omniescent ability for the ability of being a physical avatar of the universe. Where Luna is the exact same counterpart and they both have a merged conciousness (Two ponies, one mind split in half) with the same ability.
>> No. 94733
>>94730
What?
You might need to be a bit more clear with that explanation. I get the gist, but the specifics ellude me.
>> No. 94739
So this side story idea came from someone as I was outlining my own story. Since I have no interest in writing it, I'll throw it up here.

Story:

Twilight Sparkle goes into Diamond Dog territory to help them find gems after their unpleasent meeting the last time she was present. (either by order of Celestia or her own desire to be nice, either works)
Her power to illuminate multiple stashes of gems allows her to assist the dogs in their never ending search for gems. She visits weekly and helps increase Pony / Dog relations.

Have fun with it, or not. Again, just something that had come up and seemed like it might pan out to be something worth while.
>> No. 94751
File 133335784373.png - (166.11KB , 900x696 , pinkie_pie__s_flying_machine_by_deathaura40s-d425y9r.png )
94751
This plot bunny is keeping me awake. It's a starting block for a sort of abominably convoluted, senseless hydra of a tale with multiple sub-plots. What it says in the title (Alien-in-Equestria and TMM&TFM). Not sure I have the skills (or guts) to flesh it out in full prose but I may in the future (or someone else might), so, I am posting it here first.

Overarching plot:
After the obscure news of Pinkie Pie's Pegasus-less flight gradually spread through Equestria in the form of true rumors, non-winged ponies had been trying their hooves at it, as what had become a dangerous hobby and pastime. Many had failed and been injured, yet the successes of a few at approaching or replicating the pink earth pony's flight kept many optimistifemoral arteryil one day, Princess Celestia caught on to this new fad. She was amused by the non-winged ponies flying around in noisy, absurd contraptions powered by magic (or pony leg power), wanted to take part in this new phenomenon her earthbound subjects had manifested, and saw potential in developing this technology, if only to further the science underlying airflows when unassisted by Pegasus magic. So, she funds a flying competition: a non-stop air race from Canterlot to Manehatten. Many pegasi perceived the phenomenon and the Princess' sponsorship of the madness as silly and useless, but a select few radicals foresaw their jobs at stake, and plotted to sabotage the competition...

The Pinkie Pie plot intro
(In-the-past things revealed mostly through "dialogue" and flashbacks)
A non-corporeal (thought-being) alien named Rutahr had arrived in Equestria. This interloper was an engineer on its homeworld, exiled for laziness and lack of sufficient contribution to its society. It knew no laughter, believing (as taught to it) that the worth of a life is defined by its productivity and practical usefulness to other lives. Pinkie Pie, whose nervous system is a veritable psionic conduit (and this is what grants her the Pinkie Sense), had inextricably drawn the alien into her, becoming its unwilling host. In the symbiotic bond, Pinkie Pie had driven her extraterrestrial demon insane with her Pink mind. Rutahr had greatly desired escape. It disrespectfully disdained her career of confectionary / party hostess, thinking it impractical and frivolous, and wanted nothing to do with her. But in response to its bitterness, she had just laughed inwardly at it, further driving it mad.

It then had begun to insult her lifestyle and career. Pinkie, being awesomely tactful and understanding, wanted to cheer it up by giving it some way to apply itself and feel better. So, she then had challenged it to put up or shut up, by making something more useful to pony society than mirth-sharing and spirit-lifting through parties. Rutahr then shared with her, mind-to-mind, all its knowledge of fluid dynamics and the secrets of flight, and guided her through the construction of the Pinkie-Copter. Rutahr felt more at home doing something it was familiar with, and in this process, sharing in the fun, Rutahr and Pinkie Pie bonded and soon were on better terms with each other. However, Pinkie inexplicably held back her thoughts of the machine's impracticality, wanting Rutahr to simply enjoy the process. Rutahr, however, was dead serious - inspired, it had envisioned far greater machines piloted by single ponies lifting and moving goods (and passengers) - rather than occupying scores of pegasi for the same task.

The Cakes saw the creation and expressed their disapproval that she had taken three days off work for a contraption that was useless in lieu of Pegasi and hot air baloons providing all of the necessary air-lifting work of Equestria. Slightly dismayed, Pinkie Pie stowed the 'copter until the day Gilda would wreck it. Rutahr, being one of low self-esteem, finally caved into the inevitability of living inside the mind of a partyholic confectionary and fell silent for years, going along for the ride...until one day it saw through Pinkie Pie's eyes a flyer on the community bulletin board for a 100k-bit-first-place-prize non-pegasus air race competition to take place four months from that day, at the end of summer.

With the moral support of her friends and Rutahr, Pinkie Pie then builds a new flying machine, and arranges transportation of it and her to the plateau behind the mountains of Canterlot where aviators from around Equestria gather to compete in the preliminary fly-offs, and to prepare for the great race...

The Flim & Flam plot intro
Flim & Flam, being no strangers to engineering, entered the competition in hopes of rebuilding their cider machine (which was wrecked in an unfortunate incident) and thus revive their failed cider business. However, they are total neophytes to the construction of flying machines, and with precious few bits buy a book by a loopy self-proclaimed aeronautical engineer (unicorn grad school dropout). Working a very tight schedule/budget and with materials conjured by magic or salvaged from scrapyards of towns they revisited, they attempt to follow the book's instructions to build a flying machine. Getting their dapper selves covered in grease becomes the least of their worries as nothing quite turns out as it's supposed to, tensions run high and they desperately try to get their infernal machine off the ground. Eventually, they find that going by the book isn't always the right way, and their combined brainpower eventually produces a flying machine that just might win them their business back. But they aren't leaving anything to chance; they have a few tricks up their sleeves for the other competitors. Little do they know that other ponies (the radicals) will beat them to the chase in sabotaging other contestants, and having a change of heart, they try to warn the others and convince everyone else that they had no part in the disasters that occur during prelim & practice flights.

The Great and Powerful Trixie plot intro
After her humiliation in Ponyville, Trixie returned to the industrial/mining city of Coltwood, where she had grown up, to seek refuge with her parents and brother as she works in the mines to fund the rebuilding of her fold-out stage caravan of tricks (using the same construction smarts she had learned from her family of engineers growing up). Her brother had very much gotten into the flying fad, and (to the chagrin of his father, who thought it was ridiculous) had built a working aeroplane, and had a far better design in the making. However, the health of Trixie's brother had gradually decayed over the years, as his day job of geological engineer in the mines had exposed his lungs to unhealthy amounts of mineral dusts, and a few days after the announcement of the air race to be held, he dies of respiratory disease. In his honor, and to regain her independence, Trixie taps into her resolve and finishes a flying machine based on his notes. With a very successful airplane, she then flies herself to the plateau behind Canterlot for the preliminary competition...

Miscellaneous Plots/other contestants among many:
- An Appleoosan pony aviator with a wandering eye who tries to woo Trixie, but is clumsy/unsuccessful in that Trixie is of too strong/independent a personality to fall for his wiles.
- A wealthy entrepeneur from Neighpoli, who brings his entire (huge) family with him to the event
- The nutty, self-proclaimed engineer who wrote the book that the Flim/Flam brothers tried to follow.
- The radicals, who are secretly led by Gilda. Griffins have a belief of near-religious strength that flying machines are an abomination by allowing non-winged creatures to fly...

I'm thinking that, after all the setbacks, disasters etc., Pinkie Pie will end up winning but starting an aircraft R&D / manufacturing business, hiring the other contestants, and giving them all generous shares in the company's stock. It's the shenanigans in the middle I haven't come up with yet.
>> No. 94754
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94754
>>94751
...Oh lawd.
> optimistifemoral arteryil
> optimistifemoral arteryil
> o-p-t-i-m-i-s-t-i-c (((ellipsis, followed by a space))) U-n-t-i-l
Hey, Celestia... April fools' day is over yo.
>> No. 94840
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94840
>Continuing from the discussion that started over in the 'Ask an EqD Prereader' thread. Ion suggested we talk here so why not?

If we were to do another one of these, how would we avoid the fiasco that happened last time?
>> No. 94843
>>94840
Just gonna repeat what I said in the last thread.
Set some ground rules and have the ability to remove parts if the majority votes against it.

The story should stay firmly centered on two or three characters. Any more and it'll become diluted. Divergence from the main plot should also be discouraged.

To avoid a hasty ending, the rotation will be circular. In essence, do a Valve and adopt the "It'll be done when it's done" approach.

That's all I've got for now.
>> No. 94847
>>94843
Additionally, add in a bit about selecting a general topic before hand. Otherwise whoever picks first can dictate something like... oh I don't know, Luna x Celestia shipping. And some people may not be okay with that.
>> No. 94852
>>94847
Heh.
Applemac, anyone?
But yeah, we could have a vote from a pool of choices beforehand.
>> No. 94862
>>94852
It'd probably be a good idea to agree on not having subplots as well, unless greenlighted by the rest.
>> No. 94874
>>94862
See:
>>94843
>Divergence from the main plot should also be discouraged.
:/
>> No. 95016
Here's a cringeworthy idea for a dark, Cupcake-esque tale inspired by Rainbow Dash's aversion to having her hooves touched:

Pinkie Pie restrains Rainbow and tortures her to the point of madness by administering a pony pedi. Rainbow endures as brutal an emery boarding as can be imagined with a bare shred of her sanity still intact, only to be driven over the edge when Pinkie demands of her minion, "Gummy, fetch me a bottle of Forever Vermillion. I have hooves to enamel."

To which circle of Hell have I consigned myself?
>> No. 95018
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95018
>>95016
Probably the sixth. You'd need to paint her hooves to get into the seventh.
Could make for a fun parody.

Also, as long as we're on the topic of hooves, has anyone wondered about what role horsehoes play in the show?
>> No. 95019
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95019
>>95016

I could see that working if you replace Pinkie with Rarity.

In fact, I'd love to see something where it switches between their perspectives:

When you're in Rarity's perspective, it's a calm story about her giving Rainbow a pony pedi and making polite conversation, saying she had to hold Rainbow down to ensure that she could help her experience the wonders of the pedi.

But when you're in Rainbow's perspective, it's this horrifying story that has Rainbow viewing it as pure torture, freaking out in her brain, etc etc.

The contrast between the two styles would drive the comedy/parody of the story.
>> No. 95025
File 133350181849.jpg - (1.18MB , 1089x1749 , spiritto dress rainbow_dash rainbow_dash_always_dresses_in_style.jpg )
95025
>>95016
Ok, if I may develop your story more:

There is a serial make-up artist loose in Ponyville, all the victims are knock-out before they can see the perpetrator, waking up very well-arranged and very, very well-groomed. Rainbow Dash, the only one who seems to find this to be more than just a worrisome annoyance, decided to go looking for the perpetrator, and embarks with Pinkie Pie in discovering who the "horrible" criminal is, closely following Rarity and the Spa twins as more clues point in their direction but leave nothing definitive, slowly weaving themselves to the great reveal: Pinkie Pie has decided she wants to show all the Ponyvillians how they can look nice and happy if they give it a shot (inspired by her fiasco with the mule) so she went in a secret mission/prank to get this done, all helped by Fluttershy who will always be in the "crime" scene but Rainbow Dash will always dismiss. Rarity, who would be the one who actually solves the mystery, would be wondering why Flutteshy has been hanging around so much her boutique and asking her opinion about design and clothing and such.

Close to the end, your thing were Rainbow Dash is being prep in the most beautiful outfit you can imagine (this would be filled to the brim with written custom porn[ http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CostumePorn ] and quite possibly may make up and fashion terminology) and her seeing how her crusade against this was silly.

Then remind her she got fancy for the Grand Galloping Gala and end with that.

Yep, this idea stupid, and I like it because it is stupid and fills my daily need of crackfics.
>> No. 95028
>>95019
Hmm. Interesting. I might have to have Fluttershy get in on the act. I love to find plausible reasons for the least likely ponies to act as far out of character as possible. There's just something about Fluttershy going all Torquemada on RD that has a perverse appeal to me (not that it would be that way from Fluttershy's perspective, of course).

>>95025
What? No AJ and Twilight? :) Be careful, what you propose creates a serious danger of resulting in a story.
>> No. 95029
[And please forgive my comma splice.]
>> No. 95031
>>95028
Well, at this point I'm making an outline for the thing, so if you want to write it be my guest, but I'll probably end up writing it myself at some point in the far future.
>> No. 95036
>>95031
Have at it. Having contributed one tenth of the one percent inspiration (and you the other nine tenths), I'm happy to see someone else contribute the ninety-nine percent perspiration.

I would note that your treatment sounds a bit like Makeovers by Mare Do Well ("Who was that masked stylist?"), which is a perfectly fine thing in my estimation.
>> No. 95082
My fic needs ponified names for things like gun manufacturers, computer companies, and web providers. I am having a lot of trouble with this. Good ideas will go straight into my fic!
>> No. 95145
File 133357129661.jpg - (157.08KB , 993x688 , gotdangit.jpg )
95145
Hey, I'm starting a fic regarding the origin of a certain character. The point is, I need some help with giving the language of the humans a name. To clarify what's in the story, there's three human states that reside a decent distance away from Equestria, with large mountains and the Everfree Forest acting as barriers.

Each use the universal language (I just want each of the planet's races to use different names for the language), but I lack a proper name to give what the humans have named their language.

Any ideas?
>> No. 95148
File 133357338669.jpg - (3.36KB , 160x148 , Ghost_Reporting.jpg )
95148
>>95145
Terran works
>> No. 95149
File 133357394188.gif - (540.59KB , 300x123 , tfmdd.gif )
95149
>>95148
Heh.
>> No. 95154
>>95148

Not sure how much that's been used is the problem. I mean, the fact you're using that as your name is proof enough that it must be somewhat popular.
>> No. 95157
>>95148


But who was that mysterious, masked, cloaked, long-range reviewer?
>> No. 95158
File 133357948264.gif - (953.00KB , 320x180 , taTtM.gif )
95158
>>95157
I'm sure that, whoever he was, there was a real handsome face underneath that mask of his.
>> No. 95159
>>95157
I know from a good source it was Raging Semi.
>> No. 95167
File 133358446135.png - (45.48KB , 448x231 , 34104 - exploitable nope pinkie_pie.png )
95167
>>95159
>> No. 95179
I was thinking maybe a story where a new pony comes to ponyville and he/she is super cool/ epic and the mane 6 fight over him/her until they brwak up and realize what they did
>> No. 95189
>>95179
So basically a fic about a new villain on the same scale as NMM/Discord who intends to deharmonize the EoH by casting a spell to make himself seem irresistible to them (kinda like that spell Twilight cast on that doll).

Throughout the fic, he is manipulating them into turning on each other and trying to tear apart their friendship and turn them against their elements. Like, he makes Rainbow think all of her friends betrayed her or he makes Applejack think all her friends are lying to her (which I guess they kinda will be since he's making them.)

At the end they all realize that they're acting out of character and that he's evil (maybe Twilight overhears him loudly talking to himself about his evil plan?) and so they hatch a plan of their own. At first they pretend to still be under his control but then they all pull some elaborate scheme that causes his downfall.
>> No. 95297
File 133364609095.jpg - (31.02KB , 530x432 , Rarity puppy eyes.jpg )
95297
Would anyone read a fic about Rarity or Fluttershy struggling with trichotilomania? Trich is a disorder where people pull hair and have a very hard time stopping. I've been struggling with it, and I'm just realizing how little this disorder is acknowledged or known of.
I was hoping to create awareness, and making it able to be more understandable by using a character many people care for.

What do you think?
I also can't decide which pony to use as the main character. I'm leaning more toward Rarity, myself. I imagine she'd be much more creative in hiding it, and I can relate to her as an artist, among other things.
>> No. 95308
File 133364997607.png - (109.10KB , 569x377 , RaritEyes.png )
95308
>>95297

It's certainly an interesting idea you have there. Using a fanfic as a way to create awareness of something is a good idea, especially for a cause like that that's fairly unknown.

The only thing you should avoid is to make it a story rather than an after-school special. Don't make it too cliche, avoid the stuff that would make it sound like a PSA rather than a telling story, etc etc.

As far as characters go, Rarity is the obvious choice. Not only, as you said, would she have the best ways to hide it, but with the stress of her job, it seems like she would be the most likely to suffer from something like that.
>> No. 95315
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95315
>>95308

Thank you! I sort of got my idea from a support group I started going to. The host of the group showed us a children's storybook about a cockatiel that pulled out the feathers off her head. I thought it was such a good idea to introduce the concept to anyone, child or adult.
What's a good way to avoid the after-school special feel? I was hoping to avoid both that and being preachy by basing it off of my own experiences with having the disorder, hiding it, people's reactions, etc. I was also going to try to avoid excessive angst, but keep it realistic.
>> No. 95317
>>95189
yes! but you made it sound even more interesting!
>> No. 95318
>>95315

Simple - tell a story.

Don't just go "Ok, I'm going to teach everyone about trichotilomania". Simply use it as a way to guide the story, rather than just presenting "here is this disorder, rarity has it, but her friends are ok with it."
>> No. 95336
>>95315

Actually I would say don't be shy about angst. The disorder is supposed to drive the story, right? Rarity seems like the type who would be ashamed of something like that. I see the angle of her not thinking her friends would take such a "silly" problem seriously, her feeling like she can't let people know for the sake of her reputation, etc. This could even pass for a [normal] episode-esque sappy fic.
>> No. 95341
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95341
>>95336

I meant that I wanted to keep it to a realistic level, based on my own experience. For every ounce of sadness there's two or three of shame and frustration.
I've started writing it, actually. Where would I go here for critique once I've finished more?
>> No. 95351
>>95189
I feel like the magic is a bit repetitive because Discord
and trixie had it.

Perhaps the power of of persuasion to spread lies about the mane 6.

E.g he tells rainbow dash that applejack thinks she isn't the fastest flyer. And maybe he uses magic to increase this illusion.
>> No. 95359
File 133366499715.png - (296.27KB , 700x700 , 131794593754.png )
95359
>>95351

Maybe he finds little jealousies, doubts, and annoyances and uses these harmless little seeds into terrible thorns made of lies. Or something.
>> No. 95381
>>95351
>>95359
But the whole point was to try to turn some dude's "clever" joke into an actual story idea. Kinda like what I did waaay earlier with the Rainbow crashing thing.

Doesn't work unless the Mane six start fighting over him/her until they "brwak up and realize what they did."

Besides, without magic, its hard for him to pose a genuine threat to Equestria while still making some sort of trial to challenge their elements.
>> No. 95402
Kind of had a strange idea that needs some help.
The basic premise was that almost everyone on Earth becomes a pony, some people made the choice not to. The story revolves around that fact that Celestia calls up and ask every Human why they didn't switch.
Taking place in the form of a Greek Discussion, The OC and Celestia talk about the relative merits of humanity and the reasons for becoming a pony. Seemed philosophical in my head which was cool.
>> No. 95407
File 133368235709.png - (92.35KB , 340x376 , 130126854858.png )
95407
On a lazy afternoon, Derpy watches some television but notices something odd when every single channel happens to feature different ponies in bizzare alternate universe situations: Everything from buddy cop shows to space operas to westerns and even a show featuring the mane six as a super sentai team.
I've never written ponyfics before, but I just want to get started with some "practice stories" more or less, mostly comedy.
>> No. 95413
>>95402
Sounds like a Conversion Bureau fic to me.

Another thing you have to ask though is, why would they even want to become a pony to begin with?
>> No. 95417
File 133368312305.png - (142.15KB , 900x540 , cloudchaser_and_flitter_sleeping_by_hunnel-d4v4wxk.png )
95417
Is anypony already writing a Cloudchaser/Flitter ship fic?
>> No. 95426
>>95417

FWIW, I'm almost positive they're sisters.
>> No. 95427
>>95426
Never stopped anyone before.
>> No. 95432
File 133368703235.png - (236.72KB , 900x900 , Cheerilee Flowers.png )
95432
>>95427

In fact, if anything, it just makes people more eager to write it.

So really quickly, anybody have a quick idea for the name of a flower that would only grow in Equestria...specifically, in Canterlot?
>> No. 95435
File 133368740947.jpg - (47.15KB , 500x349 , my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-my-mind-is-full-of-why.jpg )
95435
>>95432

>People are eager to write sibling shipping

I am alternately thrilled and horrified to be part of this community. See pic for my feelings on this particular subject.

>Flower
An easy one would be to use the name "Canterlot" somehow--something like the "Canterlot Golden Daisy."
>> No. 95436
>>95432
Pony + posey = Ponsey (for the bad puns!)
Canterlot Carnation?
>> No. 95439
>>95432
Royal Rosemary?

Cantertuft? (comes from candytuft)

Regular ole' Sunflowers?
>> No. 95440
>>95435
>>95439

Oooh, I can have two...I like Royal Rosemary and Canterlot Golden Daisy.

Thanks!
>> No. 95442
>>95440

Oh, cool! Thanks!
I just kinda threw that out there. How does the "Canterlot Golden Rose" sound?
>> No. 95445
File 133368972235.jpg - (35.07KB , 852x468 , Cloudchaser133281242962.jpg )
95445
Cloudchaser's cutie mark is a shooting star, so I think she would be a researcher of clouds and stars (or just the sky in general.)

Flitter's cutie mark is a flock of butterflies. What should her special talent be?
>> No. 95446
File 133368981172.jpg - (20.44KB , 500x577 , okay.jpg )
95446
First: I just want to drop a new doc link here. This isn't so that users who post ideas can find responses to their ideas. It's for people who want to give feedback to ideas that haven't been given feedback -- insofar as it shows which ideas haven't been given feedback yet. Keepin' it simple, nowhere near the level of organization/sophistication of TTG:
Spreadsheet: http://bit.ly/I2VsAE
Form: http://bit.ly/I2Vrwv
Just request if you want to edit, I'll add you, no questions asked. Anyone can enter a story (form submission is public) but as for marking story ideas/inquiries as having received at least one response... yeah. Not gonna open it completely to public editing, since I've seen that turn disastrous before. But the more people in the community can edit it, the better. It doesn't have to be all let-nothing-fall-through-the-cracks like TTG. Just needs to make it easier than copying every post number and searching for responses in the thread to find story ideas that need attention.

So, now to give some feedback:

>>95407 (Arcade)
An idea for beginning such an episodic series of short stories: Derpy gets into an accident and is hospitalized. She mutters something akin to "I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle" (c.f. Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy) and through some manner of cosmic happenstance, turns the television into a conduit for signals across the universe.

Better yet, the TV becomes a sort of babel fish or something, so Derpy can understand it. Each episode or thing on the TV shall be accompanied by flashbacks from Derpy's life. She thereby relates them to the stories she sees on TV, and learns lessons about life from them. Derpy's nurse comes by from time to time, asking how she's doing and what she's seen on TV, but thinks Derpy's just going insane or muttering nonsense from head trauma. In the end, this nurse, having grown fond of Derpy (because she's entertaining), comes in after experiencing some sort of hardship in her life, and Derpy gives a profound answer.

>>94344 (Nicholas Taylor)
I really think you should read "The Sun Is Tired". You might get ideas...Or realize that the premise is a bit worn-out.

>>93689 (RazgrizS57)
This... This is amazing. It must involve Pinkie Pie. It must. Oh my god, write this. However, you need some kind of framing/premise to make it work... Perhaps a legend that saying something specific at the beginning of the game, like the name of an ancient pagan pony deity, will invoke the dark and evil effects of the game.

>>92795 (Sparky)
I have had numerous daydreams about this concept. I imagined it beginning with a particular resourceful unicorn -- the first true magic hacker, if you will -- discovering that an unorthodox variation on a spell component originally intended as a "delayed trigger" for other spells, i.e. a magical egg timer, can be used to construct a switch that can be triggered on or off at arbitrarily high rates, limited only by the talent of the unicorn casting it. He, and a few of his friends, set off to shrink these spell-conduits into leyline-etchings within increasingly small hexagonal crystals. Voila, you have the first computers.

Canterlot would be the first customer. I bet this would create a whole band of scrivener-Luddites, clerks, astronomers who cranked out Ephemerideal tables by hand, etc.

Where do characters and emotions fit in with this? Well... Since this story is in many ways a mirror of the human world, I think you could draw inspiration from or do allegory on things that happen in the human world, socially/politically, in regard to Humans meets computers. For example, Pinkie Pie could get sucked into/addicted to the Equestrian internet, because she finds so many pics on it that make her laugh. Twilight Sparkle, alert to how scatterbrained the internet can make a pony as opposed to face-to-face interaction and the meditative focus of intent reading, tries to help Pinkie Pie break free of it, and the story ultimately devolves into an archetypal rock-bottom addict story. If written well enough, this could seriously change lives.

>>92638 (Dromer)
Honestly, I am...Not worthy. This looks freaking huge. It'd be quite a feat, writing allegories for events in human history. But you've already started on that with A Cloud Divided and Blue Moon In a Red Sky. Someone else care to help this ambitious writer?

>>94751
Mfw no one ever gives feedback to my story ideas unless I raise a commotion and beg for feedback.
>> No. 95448
>>95445
>Flitter's cutie mark is a flock of butterflies. What should her special talent be?

...animals?
>> No. 95450
File 133369033286.png - (140.00KB , 303x411 , Flitter133298114125.png )
95450
>>95448
I was about to ask you what she would do with animals, seeing as how if she just took care of them, then she's just be Fluttershy with Derpy's IQ. But then it hit me...

Birds! Her special talent should be something to do with birds. But what? Taking care of them is still too similar to what Fluttershy does.
>> No. 95451
>>95450

Perhaps it's a metaphor? Perhaps she's especially skilled at flying, like a bird? Maybe she's especially agile, but not as fast as RD.
>> No. 95453
>>95450
Maybe she specializes?

Fluttershy seems to be a general animal caretaker but its not like she knows everything about animals. (Philomena)

Flitter could specialize in bird stuff.

And this has also replaced my desire for a Flitter/Cloudchaser fic with a Flutter/Fluttershy one.
>> No. 95454
>>95453
Although now that I think about it, it would make more sense for her to specialize in butterflies.
>> No. 95468
File 133369456512.jpg - (19.18KB , 239x327 , Derpy Costume2.jpg )
95468
I've been batting around an idea now about a story where Twilight encounters an Equestria-version of Copernicus (Coltpernicus?) whose using science to disprove the allegation that Celestia raises the sun, with poor Twilight ending up stuck between her loyalty to Celestia and her support of science, knowledge and truth.

I tried my hoof once at writing fanfiction, but it didn't turn out to well, so I'm instead posting this idea here if anypony is interested.
>> No. 95484
In a fanfic I'm working on, I wanted to mention a city where it rains a lot. It's a small, but important, part of the plot.

So, does anyone know of a good ponified name for a city in the Northwest US? I've heard "Steedattle" but that just sounds...awkward.

Any suggestions for other locations (i.e. not the NW US) would also be helpful.

Thanks!
>> No. 95490
>>95484
Drizzly Drop

Rainy Root

Watering Hole

Water Fall

Umbrellaville
>> No. 95532
>>95450

Maybe she doesn't just take care of them... She finds injured birds and abandoned baby birds or eggs and neglected pets, and helps rehabilitate them so they can go back to the wild. She could keep some that are too injured to survive on their own, but her main goal is to help them be self sufficient. Also, there could be cute scenes, like her teaching baby birds to fly.
There's a program like that, only for bats. Bat World Sancuary. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkeSSdwbnPg
>> No. 95544
>>95532

If Cherrilee's cutie mark represents how she likes to raise children and Rarity's represents her graceful and classy nature, then Flitter and Cloud Chaser can have metaphorical cutie marks too. Perhaps Flitter just has that one because she's a quiet Fluttershy type. Never coercive, always marked by delicate beauty.
>> No. 95548
Part of my story has to do with magic waxing and waning in cycles.

The cycle began on the original Hearthwarming, when the ponies learned to live in harmony.

The cycle shifted for the first time when Discord rose for the first time and destroyed harmony.

When the Sisters banished Discord with the power of the Elements (which I'm just going to assume were created for this very purpose) magic surged again.

Here's where things stop making sense and in retrospect I need to address this. Magic wanes again when Celestia and Luna fall out for the first time. When Twilight finds the Elements, they are boring looking stones and I consider this a sign that they are not really showing their power.

The pilot episodes, then, represent the return of the power of Harmony to the world.

However, there appears to be no reason to believe that magic and harmony weren't very much alive during Luna's exile, unless I'm going to work with Tyrant Celestia fanon, and I refuse.

What do you guys think? In what way might Harmony have been in decline since Luna's banishment?
>> No. 95550
>>95548
Well, living for a thousand years without your sister is hardly harmonious, right? Celly and Luna both seemed remorseful, and were so-happy-they-cried to be reunited. Given that they're the regal sisters and (at the time of Nightmare Moon's rise) the bearers of the Elements, the disharmony between the two of them could perceivably magnify to the world at large.

Also, Celestia and Luna were the wielders of the Elements vs. Discord. Then Celestia used them all by herself against Luna. Between 1) using the Elements against one of their previous bearers, and 2) a single pony (no matter how god-tier) bearing all six at once, that could explain the Elements weakening. With Magic being one of the Elements, there's probably some way to neatly tie that all together.

>New tripcode, because tripfoal
>> No. 95553
>>95548
Other countries maybe? Equestria doesn't span the world so maybe throughout Luna's banishment in the moon, Equestria's relation with other countries took a nosedive.

Or maybe some sort of internal power struggle of ponies trying to fill in the void Luna left behind. Even if Luna herself didn't have any supporters, she would have at the very least had some duties outside of Moon Management. Its unreasonable to expect that Celestia would've been able to absorb all of those duties seamlessly right away.

Or perhaps the Mare-in-the-Moon had an effect on Monsters. Maybe more places like the Everfree Forest started popping up due to the evil chaotic thing in the moon. Perhaps that could be what created the forest to begin with.
>> No. 95554
>>95550

Yes exactly-- except Celestia seemed perfectly capable of keeping her subjects living in happiness. Whatever problems there were with the Elements being 'dead' like they appeared to be, it's never addressed and probably never will be.

>>95553

These are good answers, but they're revisionist-- pony society was all good and well for, as far as we know, most of Celestia's rule. The 'increased monster activity' idea is the only one that doesn't invent conflict that has no basis in canon.
>> No. 95555
>>95554
What canon do we have for the time period in which Luna was gone? The bit in Family Appreciation Day wasn't really much, and was more concerned with Ponyville's history.

Besides I don't really see how the other countries thing would showcase pony society. Doesn't have to escalate to a full-blown war. In fact, even the power struggle also doesn't need to be violent.
>> No. 95557
>>95555

We have flashbacks (all flashbacks, including Cranky's and Granny's) and the fact that s1e1 has Twilight meeting her new friends in a pre-NMM world, and the fact that things haven't made any kind of radical turnaround in pony society since those events. Things like Nightmare Night, the Gala, famous ponies' supposedly powerful reputations and careers, those didn't arise just in the time between s1e1 and the episodes they come up in.
>> No. 95558
>>95548

Remember, there are racial divides as well. Zebras, buffalo, dragons, deer(?)...even though they all live in the same world, they're not well-integrated. Perhaps racial tensions flare?

In the Homeland, the unicorns charged tribute to the other tribes to keep the sun and moon going. Now that the ponies are unified, the Princesses don't charge tribute to the other ponies, but perhaps they charge other groups (maybe that's where Twilight gets Spike's egg from--a millenia-old agreement to provide eggs at regular intervals)?
If Celestia banished Luna, that could definitely strain the tribute agreement ("Why are we paying full tribute, when there are _half_ the princesses?") or strain already-tenuous agreements ("How do we know you won't banish _us_ to the moon?")

However, these incidents would cause a sudden drop in harmony, not the gradual decrease you're looking for.
>> No. 95559
>>95558

Actually, I am looking at a sharp drop. Discord waging his war on harmony would probably be something akin to Cthulhu rising from the depths. A sudden resurgence of magic is also part of the fic I'm writing.

So you're saying the magic of harmony was part of what kept race relations good, and once it was gone, other civilizations started finding reasons to distrust Celestia? I sort of like that-- it would explain how insular pony society is.
>> No. 95565
>>95559
I hadn't thought about the magic bit, honestly--I was just tossing out an idea.
>> No. 95566
>>95565
Oops, missed a bit.
Alternatively, Luna tries to destroy ponydom, and Celestia banishes her own sister. That's, like, the definition of disharmony. That might be all you need.
>> No. 95568
>>95566

But as far as canon is concerned, that didn't cause magic itself to wane. Remember how before Hearth's Warming, everything started going to shit because the races couldn't work together? Like that.

Still, I'm coming away from this with some good ideas. Thanks everyone for your analyses.
>> No. 95583
Twilight Sparkle engages in "team-building" exercises, where, like the thread in /arch/, he starts off trying to get the group to count up to ten. Applejack and Rainbow Dash get in a contest, Rarity tries to do it elegantly, Pinkie Pie counts sporadically--and all the while Twilight keeps trying to interrupt them to tell them that they're supposed to count _in sequence_. When they finally try to do so, they run into multiple mundane problems: no one can hear Fluttershy count, Rarity acts like a Madonna trying to hog the stage with her rendition of saying the number 'three' (after she gets into a lengthy argument over who should say the number 'one'), and Rainbow Dash keeps forgetting how to count. Twilight keeps a checklist of the steps in this exercise, and once they finally succeed in counting up to ten in a group, she notices that the final item: "But more important than any other item in this checklist is to make sure your team has fun!" She looks at her demoralized group and decides to do something different..
>> No. 95592
Haruhi Suzumiya plot with ponies.

E.g., do alternate canon story as follows:

Twilight Sparkle is _actually_ a God, but she doesn't know it. The other characters of the mane six are there to make sure she doesn't recognize this.

Or, do a crossover Haruhi Suzumiya plot x Humans In Equestria. I.e., typical HIE plot, only s/he's actual also a God. I...I'm not sure if this one could be pulled off because the temptation for MARY SUE FUEL is waaaaay too high.
>> No. 95607
File 133376076939.jpg - (132.40KB , 1600x900 , applejack artist GlancoJusticar big_mac.jpg )
95607
>>95592
Big Mac = Kyon

Twilight = Yuki Nagato

Fluttershy = Mikuru

Pinkie Pie = Haruhi

Apple Bloom = Kyon's sister

Rainbow Dash = Koizumi (Yeah I know they're not the same gender. Who cares.)

Trixie = Asakura
>> No. 95623
File 133376386297.png - (109.06KB , 362x350 , 132650831520.png )
95623
>>95607
Or find X replace $pony?

Nothing against the base idea of course, but still, you don't want to do find and replace like that.
>> No. 95635
>>95592
Haruhi is a Sue, but Sues work as antagonists.

Yes, she's the antagonist, too. Ever notice how she causes all the problems?
>> No. 95648
File 133377226633.png - (72.15KB , 327x393 , Gilderp.png )
95648
Almost as fast as TTG. Anyhow, Reposting, seeing as I just updated them;
Spreadsheet: http://bit.ly/I2VsAE
Form: http://bit.ly/I2Vrwv
Refer to: >>95446
Again, anyone who cares to help can do so, just hit the share button to request and I'll add you.

>>95592
I once thought of an Eden of the East with Ponies, only try not to do str_replace('hand','hoof',$story); --- in other words... Start with the same premise of a character having a wiped memory and an object of power, and an innocent bystander companion... with the rest being a crazy convoluted mystery. It would be difficult to pull off but awesome; anyone who makes something based on that premise that's not a rip off of Eden of the East but approaches it in complexity and wit deserves a bow.

>>95583
This be perfect as a microfic, and no more. It's a great idea, and I daresay I had a bit of fun reading just the idea, but drawing it out would be a travesty.
>> No. 95654
Observations:
-Cows need to be bred regularly to keep up milk production.
-Ponyville's cow herd produces large quantities of milk.
-No calves have been seen in the show.
-Twilight writes on parchment--a LOT of it.
-Parchment is made of calfskin.

...need I say more?

In the context of an uprising over inequality in Equestria, would it be too much to say that the calves are being slaughtered for their skins?
>> No. 95657
>>95654
Any farmer will tell you that cows like to be milked. And there is such a thing as paper parchment.
>> No. 95662
>>95657
Yes, but that's not the problem. Cow no get preggers, milk not start. Milk eventually stop.

Unless there's like some species that produces a bunch of natural-born wizards, some of whom can monkey around with cow hormones, a species whose taste for dairy treats conveniently provides a thirsty market.

But stuff like that is really stretching things, don't you think?
>> No. 95691
>>95654
Maybe they're somewhere else? The absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence, after all.

As long as we're delving into grimdark-ish terriroty again, I'll toss out my old "Applejack is a graverobber" idea. Just how do the Apples produce such lush and fertile trees? Many ponies fantascize that they have a secret fertilizer and, curiosity getting the better of her once again, Twilight follows Applejack to see her tossing pony corpses into a grinder and putting it into her fertilizer.
>> No. 95697
>>95691

That doesn't seem realistic to me. It doesn't seem like there's a whole lot of ... turnover in Ponyville, and if AJ was trying to fertilize her ENTIRE farm with only pony fertilizer, her ... supply would probably run out real quick.

(also, sounds a bit like Sweeny Todd to me)

Besides, you can get the same quality of fertilizer from fish. There's at least one company (who's name escapes me atm) that sells liquified fish fertilizer commercially.
>> No. 95701
>>95697
I like to imagine that she uses a more...easily obtainable fertilizer. Manure.

And unfortunately word spreads out that they're using poop to grow their apples so now Applejack has to go around trying to convince everyone that eating apples grown from manure isn't anywhere close to eating manure.
>> No. 95706
>>95701

That doesn't seem like that would fly, either. Using animal manure is SOP in agriculture.

Now, if they were humans, and AJ was using human waste, I could see that being a bigger deal. But the fact that they're using animal manure doesn't seem very shocking to me.
>> No. 95707
>>95706
Well it's a comedy so its not like it has to be airtight.

I imagined it something along the lines of, since they're ponies, using pony waste would be akin to humans using human waste.
>> No. 95709
>>95707
The reason we don't use our own waste is because it's meat-heavy and filled with all of those wonderful preservatves from the processed food we eat. Our crap is pretty much toxic.
>> No. 95711
>>95709
False.

Human waste is widely used after treatment of wastes waters and such in various farms as waste is waste and no more toxic than normal.

Of course, if I went telling you that your hamburger was made with your aunt's shit, would you eat it?
>> No. 95716
>>95711
Eh, I dunno, I'm going off of years-old hearsay. I'll concede the point due to my ignorance on the matter.
>> No. 95809
>>95701

If you wanted to use this version of the plot, perhaps it could be Pinkie who discovers the "secret." When she finds out, she's absolutely over-the-top shocked, but Applejack just kinda plays it off as NBD.
>> No. 95835
Which sounds better: Scratch Racer, or Racer Scratch?

Alternatively, anyone have an idea for a name that involves the word "Scratch"?
>> No. 95836
>>95835

...besides Vinyl Scratch, of course.
>> No. 95839
>>95835
Scratch and Sniff

Back Scratch

Scratch Golf
>> No. 95842
>>95839
That was supposed to be Scratch Golfer
>> No. 95843
>>95835

...to be more clear, can anyone think of a name that has to do with racing, that involves "scratch" somehow? semi-important plot point there.
>> No. 95844
>>95839

I like "Scratch and Sniff" though. sounds like the name of another "Snips and Snails" duo.
>> No. 95863
Okay, here's my new idea: Pony Quantum Leap.

You ever read a fanfiction, and come to a part where you just want to scream? Not because it's bad, but because something so horrible, so sad is happening. You get that wierd feeling of helplessness. You want to do something! You know that if you were there, you could make a difference!

What if you could?

My basic idea is slightly similar to the awesome Sweetie Belle Chronicles. The set up I have planned is beyond ridiculous: The Ninth Doctor (because I love the Ninth Doctor) and Pinkie Pie (because Pinkie Pie) take a guy into the TaRDiS and explain that all pony fan fiction is real. In a nutshell, every time someone "creates" a world, their really receiving psychic run-off from that world. And so they take the guy and "leap" him into different fan fictions, and he has to "put right what once went wrong" as the awesome show put it. Now, I know you're all screaming self-insert. Well... uh, yeah. It'd have to be cleared by the original authors, of course.

So, what say you? Would you read this?
>> No. 95868
>>95863

It could work, although you'd have to be careful with Self-Insertion.

I had a similar idea, but with more of a comedic tone...Pinkie Pie getting bored one day and deciding to "visit" a few random Fan Fics to see what's going on there. Have her interact with characters in Cupcakes, My Little Dashie, some generic stories like a clopfic (With her panicking and leaving before anything happens), a tragedy story (she completely ruins the mood), a Daring Do adventure fanfic, etc etc.

Sounds like your idea is more of a serious story. It could definitely work, but you'd have to be VERY careful with not making the main character OC too powerful...since he'd be entering fan fics to make things right, it would be extremely easy to write him as this character who can solve any problem.
>> No. 95870
>>95863

I saw the title, and almost immediately thought it was gonna be a crossover with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjK9GJMBpt0

But I guess was wrong...
>> No. 95873
>>95870
Well, it kind of would be. Pinkie would be like Al, only the guy could see and hear her. I can imagine her having hilarious one-way conversations with Gushy (Doctor).

>>95868
Well, MY idea was for it to be a regular joe. The story that gave me the idea was The Night That Never Ended. The first story would drop him right before Spitfire died. He would have to talk his way out of the situation and save her. I pictured him getting leaped into some background pony, like Caramel. He runs up to the ledge and has to talk down the whole crowd and Rarity, convice them not to do it. It would end with him coming back to the TaRDiS and seeing how what he did affected the world for the better. The point is having him there at what I, with a huge tongue in my cheek, call the "Beckett Line." That one moment where everything goes wrong.
>> No. 95876
>>95873

Again, I like the idea...the problem is that the character might come across as TOO successful. You need to make sure that he is inherently flawed and not perfect...otherwise, he'll be a character who arrives, solves problems, and leaves with no issues.

But yeah, an ongoing story like that (Assuming you can get permission from the authors, which I'm sure won't be a problem) would definitely be one I'd be interested in.
>> No. 95879
>>95876
I agree, and if I ever get around to writing this, I'll be sure to do so.

However, isn't that what Sam Beckett was? Leap in, save the day, leap out? Sure, he struggled, but he always won. I may do a messed up one where he fails. The only problem is what fics to do. I know I'd like TNTNE, but what else? What other fics need to be "helped?"
>> No. 95880
File 133385922124.png - (166.06KB , 500x500 , Future Twilight Smoking.png )
95880
>>95879

Never seen Quantum Leap myself, so I can't answer the Sam Beckett question.

As far as fics go, the obvious choices are crazy grimdark stories...Cheerilee's Garden, Cupcakes, Rocket To Insanity, etc etc. You probably can't go wrong by searching for "Grimdark", "Sad", or "Tragedy" on FIMFiction.
>> No. 95908
I have an idea for an ethical/moral issue story:

While in the Everfree Forest with Twilight, Fluttershy gets bit by a poisonous snake and falls deathly ill. Meanwhile, Twilight dedicates all her time to the study of magic and anatomy to try to invent a spell that can cure Fluttershy. The spell works, but word of her miracle spell spreads and she receives requests to save dying ponies from all across Equestria. She has to decide if she wants to dedicate all her time and energy to saving lives, while wondering if she's playing God.

That's a rough outline so far. It'd be a bit more complex than what I described. For example, I'm thinking the spell nearly kills Twilight as she casts it, and the spell doesn't work for all illnesses; Twilight developed her spell for Fluttershy's specific case.

Sound interesting?
>> No. 95914
File 133386874233.jpg - (94.68KB , 341x357 , Rainbow Dash 265.jpg )
95914
Since EqD auto-rejects "Dash breaks her wings" fics. Why not write one where she breaks her... legs?

And now she has to fly around everywhere, because she can't walk.
>> No. 95915
Has anyone made a fanfic* about the theory that's rolled around sometimes, that ponies (and other Equestrian creatures) are artificial constructs from humanity's peak used to control the weather, physics, etc.?

*More accurately, anyone made a GOOD one, that would make me look like I'm just trying to tackle the same plot?

Have something rolling around in my head along these lines, however I hate doing something already done before.
>> No. 95923
>>95915
Actually, I haven't heard of any fic with that premise. It is an interesting one and I, for one, would be interested to read it.
>> No. 95927
>>95880

I always thought that part of the premise of Quantum Leap was that Beckett had some angst about his condition.
>> No. 95950
>>95879
I think based off a few episodes I watched as a kid, then admittedly a lot of Wikipedia one key difference is that most of the time, even though these stories occurred in the past, the audience wasn't entering the story with pre-conceived notions. Sure, Beckett would bump into famous figures from time to time, but it was mostly in a cameo sense. For the most part (with a few notable exceptions like the JFK assassination) he wasn't altering significant historical events that had deep meaning to the audience.

On the flip side, while your protagonist wouldn't be previously familiar with Cupcakes, you're counting on your audience to know it. You're playing on their fear that "if the protagonist doesn't hurry, Pinkie's gonna talk about how absurd the word 'hacksaw' is, and then..." This starts to feel a bit less like "righting the incidental wrongs of history" and more like "wish fulfillment by the author".

That said, it's still an intriguing idea. Perhaps as an idea, drop the protagonist's success rate down to like 50%? This creates some extra suspense, because "the protagonist just screwed up the last jump. Maybe he seriously won't reach Rainbow Dash in time either! Or maybe he'll make it in time to save Rainbow's life, but not her wings." Planting legitimate doubts in the minds of your readers could help prevent the "wish fulfillment" feel.
>> No. 96042
Ehmm... if I wanted someone to sit down and discuss some stories I'm making in a less public place who would be willing to bounce ideas and just discuss what I'm doing?

Right now I got quite many ideas for both long and short stories but I kinda want someone to help me sort them out if possible.

Please?
>> No. 96045
>>96042
Send me a chat on Google Chat.
>> No. 96088
I've had this idea bouncing around for a while but I don't have the knowledge to write it.

This idea just resurfaced because I just saw something on fimfiction that's similar. And bad.

Atrus writes the Age of Harmony. Some of Atrus' psychotic family shows up and causes trouble, so Atrus seeks out The Traveler and has him enter along with Yeesha. Why Yeesha? Because she would be a nice foil to the main character, she's probably into jailbait age instead of ew pedo age by now, and she would be more knowledgeable than most readers about how Ages work.

In other words it would probably be the first fully justified First Person In Equestria fic ever written.
>> No. 96096
>>96088
>In other words it would probably be the first fully justified First Person In Equestria fic ever written.

What exactly makes it more justified than the other first person in Equestria fics?

Also, you should probably be upfront that its a crossover with Myst, because otherwise its just confusing how you expect us to know who those people are.
>> No. 96109
>>96096

Myst was totally a first-person insert. The main character, the one you play, who stumbles onto Myst island and frees Atrus then goes on to meet Atrus' family, is you.
>> No. 96124
>>96109
Yeah but it's not like self-inserts are rare.

And note that I never actually played Myst, I only knew it was a Myst crossover because I looked up who those people were.
>> No. 96126
I don't think very many popular or successful games were first person inserts. Almost all first person games have you play as a character, not merely "yourself."

Anyway, this would be an acceptable first person HiE because the first person insert is less of a contrivance to try to evoke a certain effect. The "you" is actually a character from the crossover material.
>> No. 96130
>>95583
>>95648

Shortly after posting this here, I got motivated enough to finally do this idea myself:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8007204/1/
>> No. 96174
Very new here.

I've noticed that there have been a lot of femslash in the fandom (who HASN'T noticed, amirite?), but no fic directly dealing with homosexuality. This led me to idea of a story that sort of follows a LGBT vs. Westboro Baptist Church kind of story.

I know the idea is kind of controversial so I'm going to do my best to make sure the story doesn't collapse upon itself.

I'm already writing out the characters and outline, but I can't think of any good names for the antagonists (the members of the pseudo-Westboro).

I come kindly asking if anypony has ideas for the name of the anti-gay society ( I thought, Mareboro, but it seemed kind of generic) and the members of the society. Keep in note that I don't want them to be purely evil; they truly believe that they're right even though they are wrong (basically, if Judge Frollo from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame was a pony, what would his name be?).

Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.
>> No. 96175
>>96174
>but no fic directly dealing with homosexuality.
I believe this http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/03/story-love-letter.html will interest you, though the "anti-gay society" in this fic is just... society.
>> No. 96178
>>96174
See also, this: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/10/story-my-time-among-clothes-hangers.html
>> No. 96187
More Rarity x Fluttershy.

At least some friendshipping with them.

That is all.
>> No. 96191
File 133401957502.jpg - (227.55KB , 821x974 , Eastern Discord by slifertheskydragon.jpg )
96191
A frozen draconequus is uncovered.

It turns out that draconequui aren't all powerful creatures, and Discord (along with his siblings, Entropy and Oblivion) was just an exceptionally powerful draconequus who (with his siblings) served as not-necessarily-evil rulers of a society of draconequui before the ponies took over the planet. The eons of unrest brought by Discord were revenge for exile upon him and his siblings imposed by the grandmother of Celestia and Luna.

Thing is, this particular Draconequus is mentally challenged (and hideous). and it's a sort of Encino Man meets Young Frankenstein, with Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy tasked with prying all of its secrets and knowledge of ancient history out of it, as well as teaching it how to be a part of pony society. And when its secrets turn out to be politically damning of the Princess's heritage, many deny the words, but the more religious of ponies believe them and attempt to end the life of the interloper of that era, in attempt to quell any Girard-esque sympathy that might arise.
>> No. 96192
File 133401963274.png - (127.25KB , 380x269 , 131870182884.png )
96192
Had an idea for a crossover. If anyone wants to give it a good home, awesome.
What if Shed.mov Fluttershy went to Superjail instead of a nuthouse?
>> No. 96225
File 133402984457.jpg - (229.53KB , 1280x773 , pony_dog_fight_by_dasdreadnought-d4vech4.jpg )
96225
>>91822 >>91825 >>91908 >>92638 >>94751 >>95468 >>95914 >>95908 >>96191 >>96192
If you believe you've been missed: http://bit.ly/I2Vrwv (the list is in http://bit.ly/I2VsAE)
>> No. 96226
>>96225
>A queue for ideas
This is why I love and feel intimidated by this place.
>> No. 96232
>>96225

Woah. I didn't even know there was a story idea queue. Pretty awesome.
>> No. 96234
File 133403056688.png - (246.72KB , 1510x2487 , 131731474716.png )
96234
>>96226
Nah, it's not like a stack of stuff to work through. I just set it up so it would be easier to find story ideas with no responses/attention, because, as you can see, it's easy to overlook / lose track of them. I've often in the past wanted to give feedback on stories but found it was a royal pain going through every post and ctrl-f ing for the post number. I figure if it were done just once for each post, no one else would have to do it again.

Also, because my ideas never get any feedback.
>> No. 96303
So, I was watching some of the Opening Day baseball games, and a thought struck me. There is literally no divide in a fan community as deep as the one between Red Sox and Yankees fans. Even in cities that have nothing to do with Boston or New York, people have opinions about those two teams, and you find their fans everywhere. So that got me thinking: what if something similar was the case in Equestria? Essentially, what if there was a sports rivalry that was so intense that everypony had an opinion on it? So I started toying with the idea as the Red Sox choked another game away to Detroit a few days later. Rainbow Dash is the obvious sports fan, but I couldn't think of another pony to compliment the rivalry. Fluttershy is far too meek and timid for such a rivalry and would try to work things out. Pinkie Pie just seems like she would be oblivious to all the hate and bile that results. Applejack has a farm to run; outside of the events she stages herself or are based in Ponyville, she doesn't seem to have time for. That leaves Rarity and Twilight. Twilight was in a self-enforced isolation for most of her life, I would doubt she would have the relevant data to decide. But Rarity... she could be one of those upper class, prissy baseball fans. So I can set Rainbow against Rarity, which is only natural for their personalities, but I lacked something besides the base sports rivalry. Then it struck me: Twilight doesn't have an opinion. Yes, I thought this before but I didn't think of it in terms of Rarity and Rainbow Dash fighting over whose team Twilight supports.

I figure Rainbow Dash is sort of the more middle-class, working pony example that would fit a team like Boston (relatively compared to New York), and Rarity has the upper-class, banker-aristocrat attitude that would fit a team like New York (again, relatively). So, I have the plot idea down, and how I want to tell it down. I was thinking a light-hearted joust between the two of them, similar to The Ticket Master, but with more insults and verbal fighting. But what I really lack is that motivator. That piece of the story, that event that makes Rainbow and Rarity realise Twilight doesn't know about either team and drive them to convert her. Also, before anyone asks this will not include any descriptions of ponies playing baseball. If anything they might go to a game, but Rarity and Rainbow's fighting would make it impossible to watch much. The team names I was thinking of were the Manehatten Yankees and the ponified-Boston Red Socks.

tl;dr Rainbow Dash is a Red Socks fan, Rarity is a Yankees fan, and they fight over Twilight's fan-ness.

Anyone got an idea for that event?
>> No. 96307
>>96225
Rather than calling it a queue for ideas, I suggest simply a list. I'd prefer the forge to be the easily-accessible dumping ground where it's easy to come in and take an idea or just drop one off. User-friendliness and all that. What Gobbledygook said.

Full disclaimer: I just want a list like MoronSonofBoron's idea list where I can shamelessly and effortlessly steal an orphaned idea and throw words at it until it sounds pony enough.
>> No. 96311
>>96307
Where is this list?
>> No. 96330
>>96303

Sounds good to me.

I wouldn't call the team "Red Sox" and the "Yankees" though--this IS a ponyfic, after all. I like the sound of those names, though--"Red Sox" just SOUNDS like a team RD would support, same for Rarity and "Yankees" (sounds vaguely snobbish*). Perhaps RD's team is from Manehattan and Rarity's is from Canterlot?

One thing I'd mention: Applejack has a southern accent, and Southerners LOVE sports, especially football. So, she might be busy, but I wouldn't rule her out completely.

*I'm just going by the sounds of the words, please don't kill me!
>> No. 96331
>>91822

Pardon me if this sounds rude, but I don't quite get what you're asking here. I've never heard the term "Ceiling Fan Shipping" before--unless you're talking about shipping someone with a literal ceiling fan. That's a little... weird.

So, once again: Is there a question here? if so, can you make it more clear?
>> No. 96333
I just had an idea recently for a potential fic.

So, the story itself is a play, but, in addition to the story, there's an introduction and pictures of stage productions, etc. These materials can be used to comment on the story itself, as well as providing some foreshadowing, if used correctly.

According to the introduction, the play is a modern production of an old, Pony-Shakespearean play about an Equestrian civil war over racial inequality. The original play has fallen out of favor recently due to rather harsh racist overtones, but the modern production has taken the original story and updated it to reflect modern conditions.

Does this sound like something you might want to read?

One plot point I was considering--in Equestria, the only races who actually get Cutie Marks are ponies. This is, in part, what kicks off the civil war in the first place: the dragons believe that cutie marks are a gift of Celestia (they call CM's "The Goddess's Blessing") and believe they enhance the ponies' abilities: Twilight is good at magic because she has a magic cutie mark, not the other way around.

Does that seem reasonable? or is dragons fighting over cutie marks just too goofy?
>> No. 96342
>>96331
There was a fic that shipped, I believe Twilight and Trixie together. They were blimps.

He's asking for the same thing only they're ceiling fans.
>> No. 96343
>>96342
Ah, I see it now.

>>91822
FWIW, I hate slash and (most) shipping; in addition, that's a really bizarre ship. If you can make it work, more power to you, but that's a really strange idea.
>> No. 96346
File 133406562697.png - (106.89KB , 668x490 , 111594 - artist gogglesaurus dirk_strider homestuck rainbow_dash.png )
96346
After some practice stories, I'll be working on a ponyfic that's structured similarly to MSPA with the faux choose-your-own-adventure style. You'll "play" an OC who interprets Equestria as a game world.

I wasn't sure if it's been done before or not, or if it would even work without the inclusion of pictures/sound/animation, but I really want to make it work.
>> No. 96349
File 133406893764.png - (273.29KB , 1150x1506 , discord_collects_octavia_by_mattyhex-d4bqiwh.png )
96349
>>96307
>>96311
Hey Filler, is http://goo.gl/wLly3 what you speak of, and if not, can you give us the link?
>> No. 96350
>>96349
Yes, that one.
>> No. 96365
File 133407923948.png - (659.64KB , 750x750 , EqD%20day%2027%20banished.png )
96365
Dash is always breaking her wings, which as everyone knows, is overdone.
So instead, let's clip them.
Following a salt-aided crash that results in another pony being horribly injured/killed, Dash is sentenced to have her wings clipped and sent to the slammer for a few years.
Aaaand that's all I got. Options for plot can include her learning to cope with the grief of her mistake and the loss of her wings, or going rotten in the jail and becoming a sky-plying pirate with a pair of steampunk wings as she enacts vengence on the society that stole her one true talent.
>> No. 96367
>>96365

I like the "learning to cope" idea better. It seems more realistic.

Despite her prickly exterior, RD has a soft spot, which we saw in "Hurricane Fluttershy." Perhaps this comes to the fore in this story: she could be really emotional over the loss of her wings, as well as over the accident itself. Perhaps her "roommate" is rather harsh, as well--she sees RD crying herself to sleep as a weakness (for some reason I'm seeing the roommate as a Griffon).

I think the "pirate" idea could work as well, but you'd have to play it as a comedy. The grieving idea would be a better drama.
>> No. 96415
>>96365
I remember a fic doing something similar to this. You may no be able to stomach it to the point where she gets clipped, but Growing Pains involves this if you wanted a reference. The idea in that one was that she gets a weird ability later, but it also doesn't go as in depth to her reaction as I would like. Also, it has a flying castle.

As far as where you'd go with it: I'd suggest finding a more plausible reason to clip her (Equestrian justice would never be so harsh) and then something to use the steampunk wings for. What is her goal after being clipped? Does she want revenge? Does she want to drop the ones who did it off the highest cloud?
>> No. 96416
So I had yet another idea for a story, which is going to be filed in my database of "future stories to write" (which, at this point, has 6 stories on it). But before I file it away, there's something I want to lock in - a name.

The basic idea of the story is an Action/Comedy very much influenced by the show Get Smart. It's about a shadowy group of background/secondary characters (I already have the main 4 characters locked in) who the current members of a group that Princess Ceestia formed thousands of years ago. Their mission is to fight, and stop, the evil that exists in Equestira, mostly from a group who worship Discord and who's goal is to spread chaos.

The only thing is I want a funny Acronym name. The title of the story is going to be "Agents Of _________", I need help filling in the blanks.

I want the Acronym to be either..

-The actual words in the acronym are normal, but the word they form is silly.
.The acronym itself could sound serious, but the words that form it are silly.

I'm completely drawing a blank here. Anyone good with Acronyms and have any ideas?
>> No. 96417
>>96415
Magic could grow back the pinion feathers, I'd imagine. She'd only be grounded for the duration of her "stay".

And the second idea is really just to get her into some steampunk wings and become a sky pirate. Because, hey, sky pirate.

>>96416
Disaster
Inciting
Secret
Cabal
Of
Rehensible (I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to spell this word)
Despots

I dunno :/.
>> No. 96418
>>96365
There's a difference between clipping and pinioning.

Clipping cuts the outer 4 - 10 primary feathers short, reducing lift. On birds, this lasts until the next molt (usually once a year) or they pluck and regrow their feathers. Guess what a pegasus so treated is going to do.

Pinioning is amputation of the finger of the wing. It's permanent, and something I have a hard time imagining my little ponies doing to each other.

I can see plucking the outer primary feathers, grounding a pony for a few weeks, as a plausible punishment.
>> No. 96419
>>96417

That could be the name of the bad guys, but not the good guys. I want something that says they stand up AGAINST Discord, not for him.
>> No. 96421
>>96418
Ahh, okay. That would work.

>>96419
Organized Radiant Defenders of Equestrian Royalty/Realm.
>> No. 96424
File 133410754645.jpg - (66.47KB , 600x600 , Rainbow Dash It\'s Beautiful.jpg )
96424
>>96421

My god it's perfect. Thank you!
>> No. 96430
>>96424
I try. Helps that I'm the chairman of A.S.S. (Assembly of Snarky Sages).
>> No. 96472
File 133411881052.jpg - (53.47KB , 881x768 , 133392268973.jpg )
96472
OK, get this: a pony-on-Earth that isn't full of self-insert, wish-fulfillment, and self-insert/wish-fulfillment.

Starts out with a guy (Jack for now) playing with his daughter on his front lawn before it starts raining. Summary of the guy: currently around 26.5, 2 year old daughter from a dead wife (birth complications), and is forced to live in a middle-of-nowhere house on the outskirts of a farm. He works as a freelance modeler/coder, barely scraping up enough money through odd jobs to feed himself, his daughter, and pay for the house which is the cheapest place available due to location/property value (or something). However, his daughter is nearly always by his side. Although this will probably come to bite him in the ass later, he denied a position at an office and instead works at his home, because then he would be forced to leave her in the care of a babysitter or day care. This is due to some very strong convictions he has, one of which is that children should be raised by their parents (or at least relatives).

Enter: Applejack in the form of randomly appearing out of thunder due to magic. Or some shit. Basically, she appears in the street near his house (current draft being during the storm, and being discovered by dumb luck as Jack forgot to roll up the windows or something) completely naked save her cowboy hat, her hair band (pony-tail, lol), and tail band, which would be on the ground due to a lack of tail. Also, she doesn't have her cutie mark. Any non-human traits (such as colored hair) are transferred into the human counterpart. With colored hair, this would be shades of brown/blonde, and in the case of cutie marks, those just disappear.

Now, I bet you're wondering a couple a few things.
1) Why AJ specifically?
Good question. I thought it would be interesting, being the Element of Honesty, to watch her try to explain things such as arriving, her history, other things. Another would be her down-to-Earth personality, which would help her not freak out, jump to conclusions, and generally make the story harder to write make every interaction extremely awkward.
2) In front of Jack's house? How convenient...
Well, I was planning on explaining it as Jack being the closest local equivalent of an Element (loyalty), but I'll probably stay quiet and hope that no one notices. Any help here if I must explain this?
3) No colored hair/CMs/wings/etc?
It's pony-to-human, not pony-to-half-human-half-pony-anthro-bullshit. Anyway, it would help ambiguate the situation, the only thing making anyone believing her being her word and extremely unlikely circumstances that make her crazy explanation the most 'likely' choice.

Jack takes her inside, rejuvenates her (nothing sexual, you sickos), and takes care of her for a few days. Acts like a family friend to Jack's daughter. Light, hinted, and covert romance (nothing physical). He eventually decides to head to some government building to sort the whole mess out and find her real identity, as he doesn't believe the pony thing and just thinks she's crazy. Or some shit. However, realizing she's nowhere in the records and being publicly embarrassed, there's a huge confrontation with her and he finally decides to believe her out of no other explanation ("Ah, what the hay. I already believe in a zombie spaghetti monster who loves everybody" being the more exact state of mind). He decides to help her, and for some reason (I'm gonna peg it as because of his acceptance of the fact, he becomes an anchor between there and Equestria) he sees glimpses of the place in shared dreams (Ever read "Kindness of Strangers"?) until they finally see that AJ is alive and well in Equestria. As far as they can tell, AJ was dimension-cloned or some shit and if she went back to Equestria then... well, let's just say it would be better for her to stay on Earth. Cue emotional scene, and chunk of the story being her accepting her new life as a human (She got citizenship or some shit) and trying her best to deal with never seeing her friends again. More overt romance by this point, but nothing sexual (in fact, they almost do but Jack doesn't out of adherence to his faith's rules). Acts more and more motherly towards Jack's daughter. 'Official', overt, (still nonsexual) romantic relationship with Jack.

Last scene ends with a hint that some of her friends have also reappeared on Earth...


Also I need a title, please. Or some shit.
>> No. 96473
>>96472
Also, forgot to add, set a few years after MLP so there's less of an age difference between Jack and AJ.
>> No. 96474
Okay, so I need a canon character to be City Hall secretary ten years in the future. Would putting Applebloom in this role seem too OOC? I mean, she does have a knack for being a hard worker and organizing and getting things done.

(sorry, not exactly an idea, but wasn't sure where else to ask this)
>> No. 96499
>>96472
Feel free to write it, but I must respectfully note that personally, it's not my thing.

The core concept is no different than Ponyfall, the conflict is weak with a weak resolution (you're a pony? I don't believe you - oh kay fine I believe you) and the majority of your chapters sound like Slice of Life, except with humans - one of which has to spend most of his day working, one of which's life could be titled "Adventures in Digits", and the other being a kid with regular kid life. The thing about self-inserts/wish-fulfillments is that it's not just the author doing it, it's the reader, hence why Ponyfall is popular. You didn't write it as one, and respect where respect is due, but your readers will approach it as if it is one, simply because the concept is so similiar. If that's what you were aiming for, fine and dandy, I suppose.

The clone thing will need some serious writing chops to pull off, seeing as it's the mechanic on which the believability of your story hangs on, and you'd need to bring it up much more faster to convince people that this isn't just one more PoE shipping, early on. I feel that rather than making AJ's adaptation to life on Earth the focus, that would be better spent on the cloning - something like Celestia screws up, and to hide it, she banishes the clones to another dimension i.e. Earth, big 'ol conspiracy - but then that would make Jack redundant.

Hmm. Really, the problem I have with PoE in general is that you have to spend words and focus on "how a pony adapts to human life". Adapting to human life is what we've been doing for the past n years of our lives ourselves, and I want to read about that sort of thing as much as I want to read about students studying, or writing reports, or doing 3-hour shifts in a hardware store. But that's solely my own opinion.
>> No. 96505
>>96346
Any opinions? I'd like some feedback on this idea.
>> No. 96514
>>96505

Look up "Moonstuck." it appears to e very successful, and is very similar to what you're describing.

Myself, the idea is a big "Meh." I don't think if I'd be willing to check back on a fanfic regularly (if it was a Tumblr or a Gdoc, maybe--something that can alert me when changes take place). Aside from that, this idea does nothing for me.

>>96472
Yeah, I hate to say this, but this sounds like a blatant self-insert. Very specific job, very specific life situation, specific religion, married young...at this stage of development (with so many other thingsq up in the air) it feels like you're writing about YOU. With that background, writing about AJ appearing on earth and being romanced by you(?) is vaguely creepy, and I, personally, wouldn't read it.

If you want to do a self-insert, I would suggest you make it an allegory. Instead of writing about how a pony would help you in YOUR life, write about how it might help someone LIKE you.

For example, I'm in college, having to make some decisions about life, decisions that I find kinda scary. In a "ten years later" fic I'm vaguely working on, pregnant Twilight is dealing with these same kind of issues--she's in college, with a baby on the way, and all the responsibility she's expected to handle terrifies her. I haven't gotten enough written for anyone to actually look at it, but that kind of treatment seems like a good way to write about the things I'm struggling with, without making it an overt self-insert.

Perhaps take a look at "Enchanted," the Disney movie. It sounds similar enough to your story that you could perhaps adapt it, but different enough that it won't be a self-insert.

Of course, you could still write the story as you've suggested--the point of writing fan fiction is not to make it on EqD, but to have fun. If you think it would be fun or helpful, do it.

Also, if this story really IS a self insert, I'd like to say you have my sympathies. It sounds like you're really struggling, but are doing your best to stick to your own convictions. I admire that.

>>96474
Applebloom doesn't seem like the type to work in a bureaucrat's office. She's a hard worker, but I don't feel she'd put up with all the paperwork.

What about Twist? She's about the same age, and she seems like the more intellectual type. (making homemade candy canes is a hobby, not a career, after all). Also, I think it'd be ironic if she got hot during high school--that might be kinda cute if you were to work it in.
>> No. 96517
>>96346
>>96514

Also, check out this thread:
>>85595
>> No. 96518
>>96514
>Implying 90% of PoE fics aren't creepy (Ever read any of the 'Ponyfall's? *shudder*)
Well, no, it's not a self-insert. I don't live on the edge of a farm, I live in a downtown apartment. As for religion, I'm not even sure exactly what sect he is. I'm not 26, with a kid, dead wife, etc, I'm 18. I just have those specific details because I already have part of the story laid out in my head and I want it to make sense. And no, these are problems (married young, daughter, low income job, living alone, refuses to let others take care of daughter) aren't just there to be there. His life would probably be much easier if it wasn't for pure stubbornness.

In fact, the way I came up with this was me working on the patio, and I daydreamed what would happen if AJ was helping me (yes, that bored). Then I imagined how that would be possible, and how it would make sense. She would need some way to get into the system, as she has no ID or anything else usually required to get a job or residence. But, appearing in the middle of a street would cause some commotion, so the are would need to be rather isolated. But what motivation would the human have to keep her around and not just hand her off to authorities, as well as give her a jump start as living as a human? Well, someone who would need help, and would prefer to solve a problem rather than just hand it off.

>writing about AJ appearing on earth and being romanced by you(?)
I'm not writing a character and having AJ appear next to him, I'm writing AJ appearing and filling in details on the first person she meets. And honestly, I find daydreaming about a cartoon character replacing your dead wife to be creepy at best.
>> No. 96528
>>96518
It doesn't matter whether it is a self-insert, it sounds like a self-insert, and that's all that is needed for an auto-moon.
>> No. 96538
>>96528
Ah, I see. I'll work on that.
>> No. 96540
I'm working on a fic about Celestia in her first days of ruling. Not sure how original it is, but I still want to do it. I'm just looking for some conflicts and issues she could have to deal with as an inexperienced ruler. I have a couple already, but I want to expand that list.
>> No. 96541
>>96540
Well, there's neighboring countries to deal with.

Ponies not recognizing her rule. Either because they liked how things were, or because they think she's trying to oppress them and they interpret everything she does as tyrannical.

Her messing up; like trying to please way too many ponies at once or trying to do everything herself.

She's not trying to do everything herself, but she relies so much on advisers that she becomes a titular ruler instead of an actual one.
>> No. 96554
>>96514
So far my story would be just writing rather than an updated webcomic. I'd like to make it more than just Homestuck with ponies, with foreshadowing and character development and a unique plot and all those good story-telling techniques.

They way I imagine it now, it would have the same ">" faux-command lines for about two-thirds of the way through the story, with the final third ending in traditional prose structure.

I can see now that the idea has been done quite a few times already, but I feel like I have enough ideas to make my story stand out.
>> No. 96574
File 133418763071.jpg - (147.68KB , 833x1000 , dc_comics luna.jpg )
96574
There are two Luna fanfictions I'm thinking of writing.

One where she somehow gets sent to Earth. Location? A little city called Gotham.

The other follows her life after coming back from the moon, adjusting to life on Equestria. Culture shock because everything is so radically different, her needing a lot of quiet time after being around ponies, working through guilt and shame. Celestia tries everything in her power to help her overwhelmed and tired sister, but has no idea where to start.

How do these ideas sound?
>> No. 96578
>>96574
The first one seems good, but pretty vague. Could be interesting.

This one, however, seems overdone. You might just want to focus on the first.
>> No. 96607
>>96333

I realized my questions were somewhat vague, and I've distilled them into a better format.

-Plot Point: According to the dragons, Cutie Marks are bestowed by Celestia's magic, and are a special blessing given to each pony. Celestia does not directly bestow cutie marks, but her spell gives each pony especially powerful talents that manifest when they come of age. This magic applies only to ponies, though--buffalo, donkeys, dragons, etc., are left out in the cold.
Does this seem reasonable, or is the concept of dragons fighting for cutie marks (among other things) just worth an eye-roll?

-Story Structure: The fic is a play that reads like it's been published in book form. It starts with an introduction describing the historical context of the play, as well as what makes this particular production special, and has things like production photos and art scattered throughout. This will be used for foreshadowing, as well as a way of keeping people interested: for example, a scene about a character's success might be accompanied by a photo of his death scene.
Assuming I can write it the way I'm envisioning it, does this sound like it might work? Does this sound interesting?

Thanks for your feedback, guys.
>> No. 96610
File 133419979280.png - (185.37KB , 1616x1340 , OCfinalWings2.png )
96610
>>96608
Frack, I wrote a text wall.
Rewritten to not be textwallish
Hi everypony!
I'm here because I want to make a fic, but I'd like someponies to listen to my idea and criticize my "seed" of a fic before I really launch into it!
See the OC on the left?
Her name is Fading Blossom. I want to write a story about her. It would be set in the MLP universe, and everything in the fic would follow it's rules (hand replaced with hoof, no alcohol, no swearing such as fuck, shit, damn, etc. . .) except one. There would be a mare/mare relationship.

Yes, this is a Romance/Adventure fic, taking place in the beautiful village of Neighsville! This town is similar to Ponyville in size and population, however that's where the similarities end. I want to build a whole town full of ponies Blossom knows, and I want to dictate her journey from filly-hood to her eventual, quiet end. I already know her character, as I've been working on her for four months.

She's shy around strangers, and the only thing that'll break the ice is if that other pony likes art. She's an artist (her undrawn cutie mark is a No.2 pencil shaped like a heart), which then she immediately starts blabbering about composition, form and her favorite media types (pencil, paint and chalk). Her outlook on life is pessimistic, and she's a rather "glass half full" kinda pony.

She's messy with everything and can't seem to keep anything organized except her art supplies. When around close friends (of which there are two), she is more outgoing and boisterous, and her sarcastic sense of humor really comes out.


Eeyup. That's Fading Blossom. The fic I want to write shows her life from filly-hood to death, and I want to place maybe fifteen/twenty adventures over the course of the fic. To make it easier and a little more fun, I'm making it so she was born on the year of the 988th Summer Sun Celebration (which means she's around the age of the Mane 6 when Nightmare Moon comes around).


Just to clear one thing up. I do not want Fading Blossom to be friends with the Mane 6, nor fall in love and marry one, or some other bullshit like that. I may have her meet them at some point during the fic, but the meeting will be short and sweet and hopefully won't break the Mane 6's personalities. I'm not making this fic to upset the MLP universe, rather I just want to add my own story.


Fantastic. That's what I have so far. If you have questions, comments, ideas and whatnot, I'll be happy to give a long, detailed answer.
Also, NO, this ain't a clop-fic.
Good day!
-Skull025
>> No. 96614
>>96610
>Her outlook on life is pessimistic, and she's a rather "glass half full" kinda pony.
>pessimistic
>half-full

So basically, you're making a fic in the style of the show itself with different characters?

Seems alright just as long as you don't make everything a parallel to the mane six.
>> No. 96619
>>96614
Heh, as if. There's only a Mane 3, if you want to call it that. And it's more of Fading Blossom's maturation as life goes on. See, she wasn't always pessimistic, so I'd include how she became pessimistic. She didn't always have friends, and not all the citizens of Neighsville know her. She won't become incredibly famous, she won't personally meet Celestia, she won't save all of Equestria like fifteen times.
Also, her favorite food is Rainbow-Covered Daffodils. Hows that for a story arc?
>> No. 96620
>>96614
As for her existing in the same timeline as the Mane 6, I want that timeline because it's easier to mark the passage of time with certain events. The Sonic Rainboom, Nightmare moon, Discord's temporary reign, all of these help keep the passage of time, and I think it'd be interesting for Fading Blossom and her friends to have their own perspectives on these adventures as they go on their own.
>> No. 96634
File 133421160020.png - (560.63KB , 900x506 , fluttershy_and_totoro_by_samuellassassin-d4oue6g.png )
96634
Story ideas no one has responded to:
>>91825 >>91908 >>92638 >>94751 >>95468 >>95914 >>95908 >>96191 >>96192

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afzU7tFb_Qg
>> No. 96636
>>96634
Also >>96607
>> No. 96641
File 133421806284.jpg - (76.15KB , 550x630 , 131025794520.jpg )
96641
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/21184
>> No. 96675
>>95592

I tried this

ARRRRRRRGH!

AND I JUST ENDED UP WITH ANOTHER FRIGGIN' STEREOTYPICAL HUMAN IN EQUESTRIA MARY SUE "I'M SO DEPRESSED" STORY.

MARYSUEFUELMARYSUEFUELMARYSUEFUEL

:(

Human in Equestria outline:

-Chapter 1
--Finds himself in Equestria
--Wanders about, finds Fluttershy's cottage, waits outside.
--Fluttershy starts off treating him like another animal.
--Surprise! He speaks, he also knows about MLP, and finds this all very weird.
--Fluttershy decides to take him to Twilight.
--Human explains to Twilight what he is, how he knows everyone here, and how he doesn't know htw he got here.
--Twilight tries researching stuff, as he wonders about how things are going to work out here.
--At the end of the day, Twilight decides to just include this in her report.
--Celestia immediately appears after the report is sent.
--After some crazy on the spot mind-meld, Celestia points out that he's actually a God.
-Chapter 2
--Celestia asks him to come with her to Canterlot, and he says goodbye to Spike, Twilight, and Fluttershy and leaves with her on her chariot.
--She begins theorizing with him about how he could have been a God and essentially have never known it.
--The conclude that he got here through unconscious use of God powers, and after some explanation in the God plane she explains how he can go back.
--They land, and at the castle the human asks if he can stay here for a while.
--Celestia doesn't ask any questions, and is o.k. with having some more Gods about.
--She makes a proclamation of what he is, and that he will be staying, and should be treated as equal royalty.
--After wandering about and enjoying everyone treating him as a God, Celestia comes back. She set aside some time to explain the powers and responsibilities of Gods, namely:
---He really has no responsibility to anything.
---He can basically do anything he fucking wants, up to the point that it interferes with the other God's. Which results in weird transcendental politics
that...almost amount to nothing except severely limiting his power as a God if he does not realize who or what he is himself. Know Thyself comes as a big theme for him to access his true power should he really want it.
---He admits that, he imagined this scenario, but already had everything he wanted. He admits that as of the moment he is empty and does not know what it is he does desire.
---Celestia reminds him that he is immortal, and encourages him to stay. And tells him that his first task is to discover what kind of God he is.
-Chapter 3
--He talks with Luna about his life, how he had everything he desired, but constantly questioned whether the desire really was his, and it left him empty and wondering about the purpose of life.
--Luna shares her life, and how she followed her desires head on, and how it left her empty. She admits that she empathizes with him, and in a way is going through a similar struggle as he is.
--He asks what keeps her going, and she says that it is basically her sister.
--He leaves abruptly with Luna and interrupts Celestia, and asks what it is that keeps her going, and she replies it is her sister.
--He muses openly to Celestia about the legend of the Ouroborus. And how he understands how this is acceptable to them, being in it; but he finds the circular reasoning troubling.
--Celestia politely remarks that he interrupted, and so he leaves.
--Luna follows after him, and tells him that advice is always free, and so she tells him the other gods of the land that he should go visit.
--Luna admits to him that he has finally helped her cement her own purpose in life, and discusses why she is alright with the arrangement.
--He decides to think it over.
-Chapter 4
--The man goes to Celestia's court and remarks that he has decided to go journeying to find his purpose.
--Celestia and Luna agree to this, and Celestia asks if he would take Twilight and her friends with him on his journey.
--He insists on this, admitting that he somewhat wants to see them himself.
--Celestia tells him that it would be best to give them time to prepare and respond to her request, he remarks about his immortality and decides to spend the day enjoying Canterlot.
--He finds an old coffeehouse. He talks to a bunch of writers about mythology and polytheism. How each God in those legends had a very specific purpose. He finds this fake in a way and explains to the other writers how he would write such a thing.
-Chapter 5
--Celestia tells him that Twilight agreed and is ready. He thanks her and Luna as he leaves.
--He appears in front of Twilight's group, and she and the group has a bunch of questions prepared. About where they are heading, why he wants to go on this journey, why he decided to stay here. Applejack knows of a rumor of an old God of the orchard, Fluttershy of the Everfree, and Rarity of the mountain. Twilight remarks that each of their personal accounts matches with legend, but since then they have not been well known.
-Chapter 6
--The Harvest Moon God chapter
-Chapter 7
--The Everfree God chapter
-Chapter 8
--The Mountain God chapter
-Chapter 9
--They return, and the human iterates his lessons for Twilight's report.
>> No. 96682
File 133427209177.png - (39.93KB , 462x408 , 132657553669.png )
96682
>>96675
Well, it was there as a warning.
> I.e., typical HIE plot, only s/he's actual also a God. I...I'm not sure if this one could be pulled off because the temptation for MARY SUE FUEL is waaaaay too high.

> --Finds himself in Equestria
Wait, why is the main character male?

> --Celestia immediately appears after the report is sent.
Why?

> --After some crazy on the spot mind-meld, Celestia points out that he's actually a God.
You do know that they couldn't just tell Haruhi she was a god right? It could destroy the universe.

Bored now, too much boring stuff. Without reading the rest of the summary I'm going to guess Very high chance of Luna shipping, mild chance of Celestia shipping, off chance of Fluttershy shipping.

Also you did it wrong, Fluttershy has to find out she's a god too. Twilight too.
>> No. 96688
>>96675

I've actually seen a few fic summaries where the "human" in Equestria turns out to have special God powers. That's not an original twist to the formula.

I guess if he doesn't know it beforehand, and isn't aware of how to use his powers, and has a personality... The personality is extremely important. Maybe it could work. But most likely not.

There's too much of a temptation to make your character special by making them all-powerful. That's not what we like about any of the canon characters, though. We like their personalities. Sure, they all have special talents, but with limits, and those aren't the things that give them a hook.
>> No. 96691
>>96682


I TOLD YOU IT WAS HORRIBLE MARY SUE FUEL BRO.

I TOLD YOU BRO.
>> No. 96702
File 133428230479.jpg - (90.82KB , 550x606 , spoiler.jpg )
96702
Guys, I lost a bet earlier this week and because of that, I now have to write a fic involving Gucci Mane coming to the FiM universe.

If you don't know who that is, he's a Southern rapper.

Now, I'm going to be uploading this onto FIMFiction and I need y'alls opinion on what picture to use for the story.

http://imgur.com/isvGi,EvGGC,V3Y7e

I've narrowed it down to three different pictures, now which is best?

Here's hoping to Gucci Mane not sending a hitman to kill me while I sleep for doing this.
>> No. 96720
Ehmm, hi.

Does anyone speak Italian? I was working on a Big Mac fic which had an angle which I was told was very bad so I changed it, but now the angle I chose requires some knowledge of italian. Can anyone help me?

Also, posting here because I don't know where else this would go.
>> No. 96722
>>96720

I could help with Spanish...
Alternatively, you could use Google Translate.
>> No. 96723
>>96722
Well, I need help writing lines for an opera I will need to use in my story, so I don't think Google translate will get the job done right.

Not a complete opera, just some specific lines I need for it to all make sense.
>> No. 96749
File 133430398642.jpg - (169.27KB , 900x600 , 1timberwolf_painting_by_esipode-d4ma6cf.jpg )
96749
I've been in a bit of writer's block lately, so I decided to change the original fiction idea I've been planning into an all-OC pony fic.

In it one of the two main characters is not morally opposed to eating meat. This becomes an important plot-point, because one of the other characters is against meat eating.

But now that this is a Friendship is Magic fic, I'm not sure if that is still a good idea.
>> No. 96750
>>96749
Ponies are mostly herbivorous on the show, so you'd have to show, basically, "how this isn't a biology fail" on your part.

Like, it's less about "morals guiding a choice" and more about "they don't even have that desire in the first place."


If it were like, say a griffin or diamond dog or something, then it would be an interesting plot point. If you can justify why the pony *can* eat meat in the first place, then chooses to, it would also be an interesting plot device.
>> No. 96751
I want to write a story where Apple Bloom is in a forced labor/concentration camp, but I want it to be a comedy.
>> No. 96756
Not really a story idea, just a starting block: Rainbow Dash has the worst day of her life, as in, absolutely nothing works, taken to comic extremes.
>> No. 96757
>>96756
Reads as: Rainbow Dash breaks her wings.
>> No. 96759
File 133431003495.jpg - (2.41KB , 125x119 , 131934940829s.jpg )
96759
>>96702
I... why would you do that? Just, why? Mind, I'm of the opinion that the only thing that should ever befall rappers is that they lose their voice.

The first one makes him look like less of a dick. Go with that. [/endimmesneprejudiceagainstrap]

>>96756
>>96757
Or Dash breaks everything - her coffee table, a leg, a promise, the speed limit - except her wings. Subverted trope is subverted.
>> No. 96768
File 133431886002.jpg - (23.44KB , 260x257 , 2776713_f260.jpg )
96768
>>96759

Why? What's wrong with the idea? I sense immense prejudice towards rap.
>> No. 96775
This story is about Princess Cadence's dark secret. What if she was actually...

an OC self-insert that a writer created.

That's right. The magical world of Equestria is not what it seems. It's a fictional place and can be manipulated by any writer's whim. In this particular universe, Princess Cadence is an OC created by a bored writer and that's why she's an alicorn. A superpowerful Mary Sue that oddly was never mentioned before in the show. There used to just be Celestia and Luna, so why is there suddenly a third alicorn? Relative of an important character too? That sends off major Sue alarms. Someone had tampered with the universe!

Only Twilight realizes that something is off. Surely if there was a third alicorn, they would have mentioned her before. Where did this mysterious stranger come from? Now Lyra's ramblings don't seem quite so crazy anymore. Enlisting Lyra's help, Twilight Sparkle tries to search for the truth.

That wasn't a synopsis, that was me talking to myself because I finally had my first ponydream last night. Yay!
>> No. 96781
>>96775

I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite post in the Storyforge.
>> No. 96783
>>96775

Some clever ideas. If you can throw something together before next saturday, it might be really fun :)
>> No. 96784
File 133433589633.gif - (1.28MB , 361x361 , 131704524962.gif )
96784
>>96768
Um, hello!

Well, I don't think the main problem with your idea is rap. It's just that it's another generic 'someone or something kinda famous ends up in Equestria what happens next' fic. These kind of suck because there are millions of them all over Fimfiction and they don't require much thought; all the author has to do is think: 'What do I like?' and then mash that with '...Ends up in Equestria!'

It'd be much more interesting if you came up with an original idea which brings this 'Gucci Mane' to Equestria, maybe even figuratively.

I actually quite like rap, and music in general. I've never heard of Gucci Mane, but if it's any indication of my tastes, I enjoy Danny Brown and Childish Gambino, Kendrick Lamar and maybe some MellowHype. Oh, and Kanye.

Anyways, I was thinking of a way in which I could incorporate rap into the FiM universe and thought of >>92994
Zebras haven't been expanded upon much in the show, so I thought I might build on that which is left to imagination. They speak in rhyme naturally, so surely rap would be second-nature to them? You could get the zebra protagonist to adopt the rap alias Gucci Mane at the end of the story. That would be a way of 'bringing' Gucci Mane into Equestria, all the while avoiding all the horrible human-in-Equestria cliches. I'm sure that would impress whoever you lost a bet to in being an original response to the prompt.

I'm never going to write this story, so you're welcome to use the idea. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, though!

(Even if you do just go with your original idea, it'll probably get a million reads and become the next big thing on the featured list because Fimfiction is full of silly people like that. I would know, my first fic got there Dx)
>> No. 96787
File 133433858675.jpg - (382.88KB , 600x799 , 600_50b490938d2a57d3d94f5b3a4131a50d.jpg )
96787
>>96784

Hmm, it's odd, I had an idea like that, minus the zebra and he dealt drugs in Manehattan for a part of his life . But damn, that's actually pretty decent idea.

To be honest, I want to do both now, mostly because yours has a shitload of potential and mine is just cracked out as hell.

Also, I've never heard of any of those rappers other than Kanye. You seem to listen to the younger generation of rap, for the most part.

Someone needs to make a Menace 2 Society or Boyz in da Hood type fic. Coltz in da Hood or something.

Here, have a creepy ass portrait of Biggie as a thank-you.
>> No. 96790
>>96757
No, not as a tragic cliche but as a sort of comedy, like Trains, Planes and Automobiles, wherein RD copes with anger and frustration as nothing goes her way.
>> No. 96808
>>95446
Thanks for looking at it. It should be worth noting that I usually err on the side of adding chapters/subplots. I wouldn't be surprised if the thing ends up being a lot shorter that it currently is.
>> No. 96840
File 133436433606.jpg - (82.10KB , 500x500 , amanda-palmer-in-aeroplane.jpg )
96840
>>96787
Glad to help... or confuse you even more... or whatever.
>> No. 96889
This isn't really much of an idea, and I don't know that I'd be the one to write it, but here goes:

So one of the most well-regarded fics in the fandom is <i>It's A Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door</i>, which has been described (fairly or unfairly: you decide) as "LotR with ponies". It basically adapts stuff like Rohan and elves to fit with MLP.

Has anyone ever thought of doing pony Narnia? Like, I guess it would be HiE, but would hopefully avoid many of the cliches of that genre. Instead of "a brony" or "a marine" or "a videogame character" in Equestria, you would have a group of children going to Equestria (perhaps children from a few decades ago, to avoid bronies).

I'm not sure how the rest of it would go (and of course you'd want to avoid doing a cut-and-paste crossover) but there are certain parallels between, say, Celestia and Aslan that you could certainly make use of.

You'd want to make the kids go on adventure or help Equestria out in some way, of course -- another refreshing difference between this and a lot of HiE is that the kids in Narnia books don't tend to be hugely concerned with getting home. Maybe it could work as an alternate version of the pilot episode, or in one of those "Nightmare Moon won" scenarios? Come to think of it, "Nightmare Moon won" is remarkably similar to the whole hundred years of winter at the hand of the White Witch thing in <i>The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe</i>.

And now that I'm talking about Narnia, what about the concept of talking animals and dumb beasts of the same species coexisting? What if there are regular ponies in the world of Equestria, or if, say, horses are dumb beasts and ponies are sapient? We got a hint of something vaguely similar with Iron Will's goats, but maybe they're just uncouth and don't speak Equestrian.
>> No. 96892
File 133439656353.png - (262.62KB , 579x566 , 132581485069.png )
96892
im not shure if its been done, but ill give it shot

There is a little colt called Hammer Tail that has just lost his mouther to cancer. His father trys to be supportive, but he still feels alone, In an act of desperation he makes a wish on a passing star for something to fill the void in his heart. The next morning he finds a pure white alacorn sitting by his bed. She knows nothing of this world beyod the letter she gives to Hammer saying "Treat her well. Princess Luna"
>> No. 96897
>>96889

Sounds like it could be interesting. I do have a word of caution, though...

Part of the reason I liked the Narnia books was the fact that it was a Christian allegory. Without that background, a lot of the events in the books don't make a whole lot of sense--for example, Aslan's death and resurrection.

At first blush, Equestria doesn't seem like a good setting for a Christian allegory. For example, the relationship between Luna and Celestia (two roughly-equal god-figures who share power) doesn't have a good analogue in Christian doctrine.

You could, perhaps, jettison the allegory entirely, but I really think you'd lose a lot.

Alternatively, you could keep the "Children in Equestria" thing, which sounds like a nice twist on the standard HiE formula. Without the Narnia elements, though, you might be falling into all the same traps though...Hm...

As far as non-talking horses, that seems likes little bit of a stretch. Iron Will's goats are intelligent, but can't/don't speak. That's a far cry from straight-up unintelligence. Also, even the pony's pets are intelligent--consider,for example, Tank's attempts to get Opal's mouse in MTBPW. if you still want to do this, you'd have to do some heavy lampshade hanging.

Finally, I think the talkin/non-talking animals comes from Wicked (where you have captal-P Ponies, and you have lower-case-P ponies living basically side-by-side) as opposed to Narnia. I might be wrong, though.
>> No. 96899
>>96892

>>96892

This sounds interesting as well, but I have a few comments.

First off, be cautious using an OC alicorn. It is very easy to do badly, and, because of her, it will need to be EPICALLY GOOD to have any credibility in this fandom.

Second, it seems a little odd for a young colt to receive an Alicorn as a present from the Princesses. Since thy're both ponies, that sounds roughly equal to a little boy praying to God and recieving a girl in return. This kind of thing can be done (I'm remembering the movie Ponyo) , but you'll need to write it very well, and perhaps hang many a-lampshade.

Finally: the way you've written it (snow-white alicorn, letter from Luna but not Celestia) suggests that the Alicorn might be Celestia herself. If that's correct, I would strongly advise caution. That seems like it would be almost impossible to pull off well.

TL;DR: interesting idea, but lots of potential pitfalls. No idea if it's been done before.

(also, why the name "Hammer Tail" for the protagonist? Sounds kind of odd--like he can use his tail AS a hammer or something.)
>> No. 96920
I'm working on a bit of backstory on Celestia and Luna for my fic about them starting off their rule. I'm trying to think of reasons why the unicorns were unable to progress the day, before the Sisters came along and restarted everything. Here are some possibilities I'm exploring:

-A lot of unicorns died on the journey to Equestria, including many of their greatest magicians
-Maybe conflict broke out once again between the tribes once they reached Equestria, killing off some unicorns.
-An extended lack of peace between the races leads to a lack of harmony, and the unicorns who hold resentment towards other races (I'm thinking most unicorns) would have their magic be less powerful. Celestia and Luna wouldn't harbor these resentful feelings, so they have more powerful magic and are able to wield the elements to progress the day once more.
-The unicorns can't raise the sun just because? If I decide to get lazy. Hopefully not.

I realize this is probably heavily explored in fanon, but I only recently got involved in the fanfic community (so please excuse me for exploring something potentially cliche), so any ideas would be helpful.
>> No. 96934
>>96920

Have you seen "Hearts and Hooves Day"? That episode gave me some ideas for how this might work out.

The way I understand it, Discord appeared after the Exodus from the Homeland. "Chaos reigned" for a while, then the Princesses showed up and defeated him. The unicorns are were in chaos at this point, and the Princesses are offered/assume the role of Sun- and Moon-movers.

Also in my head-canon, the sun doesn't need Celestia's direct intervention every single day; it's more of a spell that needs to be maintained every so often (at the Summer Sun Festival, to be specific). This helps the above scenario make a little more sense: the world won't freeze just because the unicorns are in anarchy for a few days.

..that said, I'm tempted to ask you to wait until after the season finale before you finalize anything. I have a sneaking suspicion we're going to learn more about how Alicorns "work."
>> No. 96936
>>96934

Hmm, interesting. I suppose I could have an extended period of conflict, then. I haven't gotten that far in my story yet (perhaps I'll never even say how it happened. The story is more about them starting their rule, with only brief backstory on their characters).

With the alicorn thing, my idea has them BECOMING alicorns when they wield the Elements of harmony. A rough idea I have right now is that the Elements radiate magic into the world that the unicorns can use, but Luna and Celestia wield the Elements and harness their direct, unfiltered power, giving them God-like powers. It'd also give them their wings, because that's awesome.

As far as canon goes, I've always been a little loose with it if I don't like it. So if the finale does talk about alicorns more, I'll probably ignore it if it interrupts my ideas. Kinda defeats the purpose of fanfic, I know :P I need to start using the [Alternate] tag more often.
>> No. 96944
File 133443829938.png - (133.67KB , 463x394 , NowIsTimeForCake.png )
96944
>>91825 >>91908 >>92638 >>94751 >>95468 >>95914 >>95908 >>96191 >>96192 >>96751
Now is time for cake!
http://bit.ly/HJH7I0
>> No. 96947
>>91825

Sounds like an interesting concept, but that description doesn't do anything to make we want to read it. it sounds like it'll be just a bunch of dialog, not much else happening.


Perhaps you could have them tell their stories, not through dialog, but through action. For example, Pinkie says something like "There was this one time..." then we SEE it happen. I don't know if that's clear, but that seems like the best non-showy way to do it.
>> No. 96949
File 133444278506.png - (306.81KB , 642x1030 , spoiler.png )
96949
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/21670
>> No. 96950
>>94751

I don't like the idea of the whole alien possession kind of thing--that's just a little too weird.

An alternate explanation is that Pinkie is random enough to try something that no one has thought of doing before, or something that isn't strictly considered possible.

Also, Trixie entering a flying competition seems a little strange as well. She just doesn't seem the type to me. You have a decent explanation, but I'm still not convinced....I guess if you write it right, it'll turn out OK.

Other than that, not a whole lot to say. It seems like it might get really long, though.
>> No. 96951
>>96950
Hi there,

I would just like to thank you for so diligently and generously contributing thought to the ideas posted in this thread, and for giving me feedback.

I had thought to make an actual workable brony-insert wherein a canon character (PP in this case) is awesome and does all the patient heavy lifting in the plot, teaching and guiding the interloper to improvement and development (and success), rather than the inserted character being all awesome or emo and stuff and winning the hearts of show character(s). Then I slapped it together with an idea someone gave me in a previous Story Forge, and I included Trixie just because I ran out of ideas. I guess it never occurred to me that possession doesn't go well with comical / lighthearted poni, and that I was in over my head. Thanks for making me see that.
>> No. 96952
>>96897

... never mind that point about Wicked. I remembered after posting that yes, Narnia has talking animals (they call them "Talking X's" to differentiate them from regular X's).

I still don't think the concept fits well in Equestria, though.
>> No. 96953
>>96951

You're very welcome. Glad I could help.

To be clear--although I might have objected to come of your sub-plots, your basic idea (Pinkie's success in flying sparks an Age of Flight in Equestria) is fine.
>> No. 96958
File 133444855820.jpg - (139.55KB , 364x576 , tumblr_m0in3kAFN01ro189bo1_400.jpg )
96958
>>96949

Pic only semi-related--it would be much easier (for me, at least) if you posted your question directly on the thread. It's not clear what exactly you're asking for.

(Also, I've been wanting to use that pic for forever.)

If written well, this could be really fun. A few comments:

-Is the monster supposed to be Fluttershy, and the monster's house Fluttershy's house? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense, unless Rarity ate the mushrooms somewhere else, and Fluttershy took her home afterwards. Maybe they're on a picnic or something when she eats the salad?

-I think the drug scene might play out better if you make it clear something strange is happening. For example, Rarity looks down at her salad and says there's something wrong with the mushrooms (maybe the last in a long line of criticisms?); when she looks up, the house is gone.

-Some mushrooms are almost impossible to tell apart--for example, I recall reading about two species of mushroom, the biggest difference between them being the color of the spores. The best way to see if you got the "right" mushroom was to set it on a piece of white paper overnight and see what color spores were left behind in the morning.
...my point being, if you play it off right, it's entirely possible that Fluttershy got the wrong mushrooms. Alternately, she eats those mushrooms all the time, and they don't affect her--they only affect Rarity because of her horn.

-I don't get the comment about "good taste" at the end. Rarity was just ripping Fluttershy a new one about her bad taste. perhaps she apologizes?
>> No. 96963
File 133445063762.jpg - (18.77KB , 462x327 , spoiler.jpg )
96963
>>96958
> Is the monster supposed to be Fluttershy, and the monster's house Fluttershy's house?
No. It's Salad Fingers. And I am a monster.

> I don't get the comment about "good taste" at the end. Rarity was just ripping Fluttershy a new one about her bad taste. perhaps she apologizes?
An excellent point. It's generically meant to be about appreciating one's friends for who they are, and how, barring any extreme unpleasantness, one shouldn't be overly critical in matters of taste/style.
>> No. 96964
>>96963

Oh, I see--it's a crossover?
I've never actually heard of him before.

The way I interpreted it, Drugged-out Rarity was being taken back home by Fluttershy. The drugs alter her perception of reality, so Fluttershy appears to be a monster (the "three fingers" are the feathers on the tips of her wings) and the dingy, ruined house being Fluttershy's house.

But I suppose the crossover works too.
>> No. 96965
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96965
>>96964
> I've never actually heard of him before.
Be glad.
>> No. 96967
>>96964
>>96965
The feeling of my fingers on this rusty kettle is almost.... oraggassssmiccccc.
The quote isn't right, but that's the gist ofit.
>> No. 96968
File 133445439918.jpg - (15.81KB , 215x239 , baby_discord_by_spiritto-d4nxfws.jpg )
96968
So, I'm going to start working on another fic soon.

Short plot summary: Twilight finds a baby draconequus in the woods and takes it home to raise it. She names him "Seth," after the Egyptian god of chaos (important to the plot, not going to change it). She raises him, and tries to keep him from becoming another Discord. Thus, she doesn't tell him what he is (i.e., Seth recognizes he's different than the other ponies, but doesn't know that he's supposed to be a "sprit of chaos and disharmony"), she tries to curb any chaotic tendencies (e.g. when he "helpfully" rearranges her books, she scolds him and has him help her put them back), and she doesn't let him out of the house (to keep other ponies from panicking, and to keep them from calling him "Discord," etc.). Meanwhile, she's doing all the research she can, trying to figure out where he came from and what he's doing there.

After about six months, Seth has grown incredibly fast, and is now in young adolescence. Twilight has exhausted her own library, and asks permission from Celestia to take a "vacation" from her assignment in Ponyville, so she can use the Royal Archives in Canterlot. For the next six weeks or so, Twilight arranges for her friends to take care of Seth while she's gone.

TL;DR: Seth is a young teenager, doesn't know he's "supposed" to be chaotic, has been taught that his chaotic tendencies are bad, and is very sheltered. In addition, he's a protagonist, so he's supposed to be sympathetic.

Keeping this in mind, what should he do in his downtime? The only things I can think of is things that I did as a teenager--reading, moping around the house, etc. I have a few ideas for isolated incidents--for example, he "solves" a Rubik's cube by making sure no two squares of the same color are touching--but not very many. I was also thinking he's sensitive: when he sees Rainbow is stressed out, he does the dishes for her. That said, I only have those one or two ideas, and those don't really seem to fit the character.

Any ideas?
>> No. 96971
>>96968
In other words, an adaption of Past Sins?
A parody of the aforementioned, called "Dyx", has already been published on EqD, except with Pinkie Pie taking care of the chaos-spawned creation. You might want to take a look at it for ideas, as well as to avoid retreading the same ground. I don't think it was ever continued past the first few chapters, though. Say what you will about Pen Stroke, but he can write like greased lightning and won't stop until it's done.
>> No. 96972
>>96971

...yeah, about that.

I'm aware of the similarities to Past Sins, but (not having read more than the wiki summaries) it seems sufficiently different to stand on its own.

Among other things, there's a lot of worldbuilding, Seth never turns evil (and , in fact, personally defeats the villain), and the main conflict is an impending natural disaster, as opposed to Seth's desire to rule.

Thanks for the fanfic suggestion though--it's tossed (fairly high) on my "to-read" pile now.
>> No. 96975
>>96972
You might also want to try out making it female, like the girl Discord that anon around here has been using as an avatar. More marketable.
>> No. 96976
>>96968
Yes, said already, like Past Sins. I'll add: whatever you do, make sure Spike figures big into the picture. After all, he's been living with Twilight his whole life. Set up some sibling rivalry between the two or something. Past Sins didn't do him nearly enough justice when it had Nyx living with Twilight; he was just sort of a servant / background character.

Also, have you seen my Twilight-adopts-a-Draconequus idea? (>>96191)
>> No. 96979
>>96971
>>96975
>>96976

Thanks for the feedback, guys. It's not exactly what I asked for, but I appreciate it nevertheless.

I just answered my own question. Twilight has been home-schooling Seth a little, and, when she goes to Canterlot, leaves him a list of books he should read. Seth alternates his time reading the books, watching TV (or something), and practicing his chaos powers. He's careful to do his magic when no one's watching, and puts it back the way he found it. When his "babysitters" are done with their work, he spends time with them.
>> No. 96980
>>96979

>It's not what I asked for...

I just realized that sounds kinda rude. I apologize. What I meant was, I hadn't gotten feedback on my original idea (what Seth would do in his free time).

I really do appreciate your feedback. It's been helpful.
>> No. 96982
Watching Blackthorn with my dad when I had an idea hit me. Don't know if it's been done before, but how about a one-shot "Piefight at the O.K. Corral". Have some of the Mane 6 replace the Earps and Doc Holiday, whilst some antagonists fill in for the Cowboys. I'm thinking Flim and Flam, Trixie and Gilda. I don't know, what do you guys think? It could make for a nice, short comedy.
>> No. 96984
>>96897
Hmm. Yeah, I see what you're saying. The "Children in Equestria" thing seems like the best part of it. That and making sure that, like in the Narnia books, the children are in Equestria for a reason and end up helping it out while growing as people because of its influence. I think this can sidestep the problem I have with most HiE I've attempted to read -- character ends up in Equestria, screws around (sometimes all too literally) and if they do have a goal, it's "get home" and thus nothing interesting happens.

I'm not familiar with Wicked, but Narnia did have talking/normal animals. In The Magician's Nephew, Aslan set a group of animals apart from the dumb beasts and gave them intelligence and the ability to talk (also he made the big ones smaller and the small ones bigger). There was even a case of his gift being revoked in The Last Battle.

(Oh, I see you acknowledged that in a later post. Yay!)

I wouldn't want to make an attempt to shoehorn Christian mythology into Equestria because one of the fascinating things about the setting is how the deities (if you can even call them that) work and how radically different it is to our own religions. I don't believe ponies could do religion anywhere close to the same way we do, simply because they've got immortal goddesses living among them.

>>96968
Good choice with not making him turn evil. Past Sins (sorry to keep comparing that) got worse in those chapters, because you can't to go evil and retain cuteness.

I often think that story would have worked better as a Slice-of-Life, so this sounds good (unless I misread).
>> No. 96986
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96986
>>96982

If you put it that way ("It's the OK Corral, but with ponies"), it sounds really artificial. How do they all end up in the same place, at the same time? What are they fighting over? What happens afterwards?

Again, it might be good as a short, one-shot comedy, but try to distance yourself from your source material a bit.
>> No. 96988
>>96986
Slywit did a good parody on the Lunar Republic thing with a waterfight between Luna and Celestia's forces. Can't remember what it was called, but you could probably do a search on EqD with his name and find it.
>> No. 97005
>>36321976

Someone make a fic about the pony in that statue in the linked thread.
>> No. 97006
File 133447090000.png - (2.20MB , 1680x1050 , op.png )
97006
>>97005

Erm...the post is over in /show/.

Pic attached.
>> No. 97031
>>96986
It could be a story told by Pinkie Pie, so the characters aren't really the Mane 6 and that lot, but they're who she associates with those kind of characters. Pinkie could imagine herself as Wyatt Earp. whilst she gathers her posse of Applejack, Twilight and Rainbow to take down these ne'er do wells. Pinkie could even tell it in 1st person as if she were really there, when she clearly wasn't. I don't know, it was just a silly little idea that I thought could be funny.

>>96988
Sounds pretty cool. Can't seem to find it though. Slywit seems to be a bit too active for the custom search feature.
>> No. 97032
>>97031

That idea for the pie fight sounds like it might work--since pinkie is telling the story (as opposed to the events actually taking place), all my objections about the artificiality of the premise go away.

Perhaps she's telling the Cake Twins the story? Or perhaps she's reiterating something she read for Twilight?
>> No. 97035
>>96191

...I've been thinking about this one for a while now. When I first read it, it literally did nothing for me. No emotion whatsoever.

After thinking about it for a while, though, I see two major problems--first off, the character seems implausible, and there's not really any conflict for the entire first act.

You say that the character is a cross between Encino Man and Young Frankenstein--both of those characters have difficulties communicating. However, in your story, Twilight & Co. extract useful historical information from him. Unless they're using magic to examine his memories (pensive, anyone?), that doesn't seem like it would work.

Next, there's nothing that really seems to be driving the first half of the story--it sounds like a lot of dialog, interspersed with some comic relief. A draconequus isn't exactly easy to hide--perhaps people know about him, and he's already contreversial before he starts blabbing about Celestia?

One of the things I thought of while thinking about this idea was Javik from Mass Effect 3. Minor ME3 spoilers ahead.
Javik is a Prothean, a member of long-extinct, technologically advanced race. Javik went into stasis about 50,000 years previously, at the height of a war for his people's survival, and wakes up in the present, when the exact same thing is happening for the humans. Javik's character is fascinating: he's always commenting on how different the present day is--for example, when discussing the amphibious, technologically-advanced Salarians, he tells the player they used to lick their eyes. He comments on how primitive all the technology is, and how the humans have no hope of winning this fight--after all, his own people, the mightiest empire in the galaxy, lost. How can the relatively weak humans survive?

I'm also reminded, to some degree, of Final Fantasy 3/6--the game begins with the Empire discovering a frozen Esper, a highly-magical creature. Immediately, there's a fight over it, as each of the factions seeks to control this incredibly powerful resource.

I think a combination of those two ideas might work really well--I don't know if it would be the type of story you want to tell, but it would work. Your Draconequus (who I'm calling DQ) could be discovered by someone else, and a bunch of groups, including the religious fanatics, try to take him for themselves. Eventually, Celestia steps in and awards custody to Twilight, in the hopes that he's still alive in the ice.
then, you could use the ME3 character's personality/background. Your DQ is intelligent, and has a hard time adjusting to life with the ponies. It takes him a while to "crack" and start sharing his stories, but once he does...oh man. Also, perhaps your DQ could be one of Discord's brothers--this would make a little more sense as to why he was frozen (powerful spell that didn't go quite right) instead of outright killed.
Finally, having a coherent DQ would help you plot make a little more sense. The "sharing historical data" thing requires someone who can talk well, and having an intelligent, upper-ish class DQ would fit the bill nicely.

...it just occurred to me that he doesn't NEED to be coherent. If he can talk AT ALL, even in broken, first-grade sentences, that would be enough. He could provide hints of what happened, and the ponies could do the rest. If handled correctly, this could be enormously effective--World War Z and Snowcrash, among others, utilize childlike narrators that suggest what happened, and it works really well.

So, I guess take what you like from this post, and leave the rest. I like the idea of a frozen DQ, as I think that provides some really interesting possibilities. That said, I have no great feelings for either Young Frankenstein or Encino Man, so...
>> No. 97041
>>97035

Ooh, just had another idea.

If your DQ IS one of Discord's brothers, as suggested, perhaps he's not being honest. He sees a perfect opportunity to sow more chaos by spreading lies about Celestia, as well as a way of getting revenge for his defeat.
>> No. 97085
Here I go, cleaning out the queue...

>>96751
The first thing I thought of was Hogan's Heroes--so, such a thing is definitely doable.

The concept of a forced-labor camp in Equestria, however, seems a little strange. Their happy, colorful society doesn't seem to allow for forced-labor camps--especially if it's a comedy.

Perhaps Applebloom did serious damage to something (e.g. burned down town hall, or the Apples' barn), and needs to work it off. Either that, or, due to a misunderstanding or something, she goes to a comically-stereotypical prison--striped pajamas, breaking rocks, etc.

Involving war (and POW camps) or actual crime (and an actual prison) probably wouldn't work; in the first case, it would be difficult to maintain the comedic tone, and, in the latter, it seems out-of-character for Applebloom.
>> No. 97088
>>95468

I suppose this might work, but this plot doesn't do anything for me. I don't feel a desire to read it.

One thing that complicates this idea, however, is Celestia and Luna themselves. Celestia has something to do with the sun--as seen in the Season 1 opener, when Celestia isn't present, the sun doesn't rise. Same thing goes for Luna: Luna was able to hold the moon (and sun?) still when she became Nightmare Moon.

Coltpernicus is going to have to work pretty hard to dance around those issues if he wants to keep his credibility.
>> No. 97089
>>95914

If this is a one-shot comedy, it might work--but, again, I see some logical problems with the premise.

RD needs to use her legs, even more than she does her wings--if for no other reason than takeoffs and landings. If her legs are broken, she should be on strict bedrest, rather than being allowed to fly around.

This might be an interesting idea if applied to another pony--Applejack. Applejack uses her legs almost as much as RD user her wings, and I don't mean just for walking. AJ makes her living through applebucking--what happens if she can't applebuck? Does her family run out of money? Does Ponyville starve? Do her friends step in and help?
Probably wouldn't be a comedy, but it's an idea.

Ion-Sturm
>> No. 97093
>>95908

This doesn't seem like much of a "moral dilemma" to me. In my mind, a moral dilemma is a difficult decision between two choices without a clear answer. Both sides have value, but both have something wrong with them. Thus, you're never really sure if you've made the right decision.

Stories resolve these dilemmas differently. For example, in the video game Bastion, you're presented with a difficult decision. No matter which choice you make, you're left with the thought that, maybe, the other choice would have been better. In Watchmen, no one is really satisfied with their choice, but it's considered the lesser of two evils, so everyone sticks with it. In Simon Wiesenthal's The Sunflower, the author chooses option "C," and walks away--every time I've heard it, the resolution is simply unsatisfying.

The way you've framed your dilemma, there is an obvious, clear-cut choice. Twilight has the ability to help others, with no real drawback. Thus, she [i]must/i] help those who need it. You suggest that her spell might be potentially fatal; that makes her sound like a battlefield medic, where her assistance puts her own safety at risk. In that context as well, the "correct" choice is still to help.

A better dilemma might be something like this: Twilight has the ability to cure a terminal illness, but even her cure dramatically shortens the patient's lifespan. In addition, the treatment is very expensive and/or painful. The dilemma is, should Twilight allow the pony to pass on, or put them through more suffering and help them survive for a few more months/years?

I might be making a big deal out of terminology, and I recognize that you're missing pieces. But these are my thoughts.

This story might be easier for me to swallow if you framed it slightly differently. It's not a moral dillema; Twilight is conflicted about her role of "playing God," choosing who to save and who to let die. This kind of thing might be more appropriate for a Nurse Redheart fic, though.

...I hope that was helpful.
>> No. 97095
>>97089

Oops, derped that last line.

Along the lines of subverting tropes, Ion-Sturm, I think it was, proposed a fic in which RD breaks everything except her wings--a window, her dishes, the kitchen sink, etc. That might be a more reasonable approach to this kind of thing.
>> No. 97115
>>92638
A few comments in the doc.

I was kinda dissapointed in this one. I read all the way through the doc, and, despite my skepticism, I really enjoyed part 1.

Then I read part 2. And 3.

I thought part 1 had a really strong story, despite a few bits of wierdness (like the splitting of Cloudsdale; what was that about, exactly?). A few geographical problems, but nevertheless...

Also, it sounds like even one or two pegasi massively tip the balance one way or the other in at least one battle. This doesn't seem realistic to me--even with guns, they're only one or two extra soldiers. They only way I could see them having a significant effect on the battle is if they use their "razor wings" (seen in "The Secret of My Excess") on the enemy soldiers, which might get....messy.

...then, parts 2 and 3. Part 2 seemed to lose focus a bit--I was confused by a lot of your plot. Also, it was very...convenient...that Cloudsdale happened to be wherever the action was. That part seemed rather artifical, as well. Finally, it felt like Boson was supposed to be a stand-in for another prominent historical figure, but I couldn't figure out who. that feels like bad writing to me.

Part 3, felt like almost complete nonsense--Logos, Ethos, Pathos? Really? Why not Snap, Crackle, and Pop? Luna and Celestia are artifical ponies bred by the Soviets? Members of the main cast (Derpy, Vinyl Scratch) are present in the sixties? Why haven't we seen blown-up buildings or anything then?
Also, the transition between Earth and Equestria was a little fuzzy--Celestia launches nukes. Suddenly, Equestria. I know you're still trying to figure out the plot, but that made little sense.
It felt to me that you were trying too hard to tie Equestria to modern earth history in this part.

Once again, I liked part 1. I feel it might do well as a one-shot, especially if you took out Twilight and the researcher--just present it as simply taking place. The other parts, though, need a lot of work to, well, work.

Finally, I'm not sure if I'm digging the whole Ponies on Earth thing. If there are flying, magical ponies on earth, why does the Civil War play out almost identically to the way it did in history? Given the ponies' obsession with friendship, I would think they would prevent the war from happening in the first place: slavery isn't friendship, and I don't think they would tolerate it (besides, when Twilight can harvest nearly an entire apple orchard in seconds, is slavery even necessary? Why not just pay a unicorn or two to do it for you?).

Long story short, it sounds like you slapped ponies onto/into existing history. I would expect to see an alternate history, given all the cool things ponies can do.

That said, you do have some interesting ideas: perhaps Celestia's "obsession" with friendship is related to her memories of the war(s): She's seen what happens when there isn't friendship, and does her best to prevent that from happening again.

I hope this was helpful. Post a reply if you have more questions.

>>91908
Not touching this one. Don't know anything about M:tG, and I refuse to work with clop.

>>96192
Nor this one. Haven't seen the movies, not planning on it.
>> No. 97117
>>97115

One other problem with part 1: What was the thing with the enlightenment/religion? That seemed out of place, seeing as how they're in the 1860's--the enlightenment was in the late 1700's.
I don't know. That bit just didn't seem clear to me.
>> No. 97120
>>97035
Thanks. I similarly don't really have any great feelings for either Final Fantasy or Mass Effect (having no familiarity with them), so most of your analogies were lost on me. The important and significant criticisms, however, weren't.
>> No. 97125
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