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96211 No. 96211
(Picture unrelated)

Hello there.

Now, that might be going beyond annoying with me creating an entire thread just for myself, but, this question I have there, is really, really, [/i]really[/i] important for me, and I have no idea where else to ask it. So, please, take a look. The question itself is at the end.

Since I failed to express my feelings anyhow shorter, I hid under the spoiler all the parts that are not important for the subject.
I may call myself an author, or a writer, but thats probably would be very close to a lie. I always considered myself to be as far from any arts as possible, a technician to the core. It was when I discovered the MLP:FiM and its community with all its creativeness I received a sudden outburst of a creativity myself. For the good or for the bad.

So, a few months ago I decided to try myself at writing. Various ideas were piling up in my head for quite a while at the moment, some for a year, some for more, dated even before mlp happened. Quite obviously, since I never had any practice at it before, and moreover, with English being not my native, it turned out to be horrible. Back then, I posted it there for some reviews and apparantly I had a lot of problems with basic grammar, flow, hook, and everything else. So, for a time being, I dropped it. But I quickly realized one surprising thing. I liked it. I liked writing, the very process of that. So, recently, I returned to my story again. I redid some of the old text and added some new. Well, even so, there were very few people who read it and not immediately disliked it. But. Since the new version now was including a lot of the plot, or at least beginning of one, a question started to bother me.

Is my story bad because I'm simply a bad writer? Because I have no skills or words to express myself properly and interestingly?


Is my story bad because they very concept, the idea, of the world, characters, and events I want to use, are flawed and wrong? Uniteresting? Unusable?

Because the first things, I can and willing to fix. I believe I can, even if slowly, improve at things that make a good writer.

However, if the very basic idea of the story (expressed below) is flawed, then there is no point in wasting the time and effort in that direction and I shall find something else for myself.

Now, if for some bizarre reason you want to read the story (as it is now, it is bad, really), the link to it is under the latest spoiler in this post.

For everyone else who are willing to answer me, I'll try to describe my ideas as short as possible.

Also I want to mention the story is [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

First, the main characters. I'm planning to use a lot of them eventually, but for now, there are just two. Fully original ones.

However, since in the end, characters are still changeable, while the main idea is not, they are still not so significant and are under the spoiler.

First is a young female unicorn pony. She is an adult blankflank. I'm not sure why, but seems like that is already horrible. Moreover, she is insane. Not in the cute or quirky way, but rather plain disturbed. In her past, chain of events and conditions, including being a blankflank way past foalhood, made her snap somehow severily. Lately, after treatment and some more events, she became almost a normal pony, atleast on the surface. But in fact, even while trying to be sane and normal, she deals with a need to supress own anger or despair almost constanly, while being overly paranoid even so. So, this is the protagonist.

Second is a male human. Yes, it's a crossover with humans. And again, you wouldn't call him completely sane either. As he appears for the protagonist and for the reader, he completely lacks any emotions and feelings. Though he can express a little curiosity or benevolence towards the pony he meets, in fact he behaves more like a robot of a sort, calculating own ostentatious emotions, words and actions based on a simple profit question. Yet again, he has his reasons for a behavior like that, but they are not important right now.

Now, for the main thing. Almost.

First I wanted to say a few words about something that inspired me. It's a Fallout:Equestria. Out of the many, many fanfics I did read since I became a brony, this is one of my favourite, and after it I started to write myself.

Now, the important thing about FoE as I see it - it's an original story. Yes, it's based on two universes, yes, it has rules and settings from both, yes, it has some characters, places, and events based off Fallout's, and its past is somehow transferred from the original mlp world as seen in episodes. But still, in the end, as I see it, it's an original story barely connected with both universes. Most of the times, you could swap a "pony" for a "human", or any other creature ultimately, and the main story will remain more or less the same. And I'm in no way saying that's a bad thing. (Just please, don't turn it into a FoE discussion, okay?)

With an inspiration like this, I wanted to go further. I wanted to create a completely original story that has little to no relation to mlp universe.

And this is one of my main concerns at the moment. I wanted it be the story for everyone, not just bronies. But as it turned out, it may have an exactly opposite effect. Non-bronies still won't read it because "lol ponis wtf" and all that, and maybe bronies do not like it since it's not related to mlp in the slightest.

Now a little more about the plot. I started to read - and enjoy - books somehow early, before I turned 5. Since then, I did read a lot of books, and most of them were fantasy/fantastic/scifi. Why I'm telling that? Because in my headcannon, none of this worlds/stories, including the worlds and stories of movies, games, and animes, weren't actually simply imagined by humans. Rather, they actually exist, along with an infinite amount of parallel worlds, and the most creative beings around the universe are capable to pick up some sort of images of these worlds, believeing that's their imagination. Now, without discussing how silly this headcannon is, I used it to start my story. Both the protagonist and the human character are from worlds parallel to mlp and ours respectivly, mostly similar, but with some differences. I won't really waste any more space to explain all the reasons, but this is what happens at the start: an accidental intervention of a powerful creature leads to protagonist being teleported to that human world, and at the same time to the start of a somehow global disaster. A hundreds of a more or less stable dimensional rifts open at the both worlds, and that leads to both worlds being slowly destroyed. There, the protagonist and their human protagonist start their adventure to close these rifts. Which can be done only from the inside aka in the other worlds. Which are planned to be either the worlds from the other booksmoviesgamesanimes, or the altered versions of them, or, of course, the ones I came up with. Of course, I'm not planning to copy any stories, more like copy just the world and its rules like FoE did, for example.

In a way, I have no reasons to choose pony, over human or any other creature, as a protagonist and starting point. No reason but one. A tribute. To something that changed me and made me wanting to create.

To put it shortly, not only the story has nearly no relation to mlp at start, it will have eves less of it later, with a characters or worlds that very well will be not even ponies or humans.

And to sum up my question there.

How sensible it is to post, as mlp:fim fanfic, something that for the most of the time have only one pony-related thing - a pony protagonist?Which thinks like a human anyway Or, at most, ponified worlds from time to time. At the very most, the past or future of the mlp world or of the other fanfic's worlds. And still, with a good part of the story happening in a not pony worlds at all.

And with all significant characters being original. And the humans in there.

The secondary question is, what do you ever think about an epic crossover of everything with everything in a way I described.

And the third question is, what do you think about a characters like that.

Unspoiler all text  • Expand all images  • Reveal spoilers
>> No. 96214
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There are tons of wonderful review threads where you could condense this huge OP into a small post.

In fact, this is mostly backstory as to why you wrote what you did, which we don't need. I mean, it's nice to have a story about why you decided to write, but the response you get is going to be about messy OP. I'd condense this to the vital information and find a nice review thread.

The TL;DR of this is the TL;DR
>> No. 96218
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Join us over in Story Forge, and take the contents of your post with you there. That's the preferred place to discuss story ideas while they're still gestating. Then, dispose of this thread if you don't mind, as it would be redundant.
>> No. 96219
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>> No. 96220
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On this point:
>Is my story bad because I'm simply a bad writer? Because I have no skills or words to express myself properly and interestingly? Or, is my story bad because they very concept, the idea, of the world, characters, and events I want to use, are flawed and wrong? Uniteresting? Unusable?

No idea is "wrong", per se. It can be more difficult to convey in an interesting and engaging manner, but a talented enough author can make just about anything eticing.

>Pic just because
>> No. 96237
GD Adventure? A writer's first story is nearly always about sex or violence. And it nearly always is bad the first half dozen or so times they tell it.

I speak from my own experience. I rewrote the hell out of a short shipfic. It's just barely beginning to become good, but I've realized I need to write other things to get the skills I need.

Writing has a lot of interrelated skills. Right now, I'm teaching myself how to reveal emotion and motivation without sucking them straight from my characters' skulls with an omniscient narrator. It's frustrating, but fun -- I have a very heartwarming Sweetie & Dash dialog to write tomorrow.

The most important skill starting out is the confidence to spoil the story to yourself.
Re your questions:

- Not really pony enough to be to my taste.

- But, I do like the massive-crossover genre.

- Sociopathic protagonists are difficult to write well. You might look to Dexter for ideas. You also run the risk of your mare turning into a sympathy sue - make her partially deserving of her fate.

- Wow. Stream of consciousness? Gutsy, but you don't yet have the skill to hold it together. There's not nearly enough clues to get me out of her head. Shorter paragraphs, more outside world, reveal her character slowly. Maybe use present tense, if you insist on SoC. But, most of all, let her eyes wander over the scene.

(She sounds like Pinkie. Or my internal monologue. That's cool, I guess.)
>> No. 96239
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> A writer's first story is nearly always about sex or violence.
I can...um...attest to this.
>> No. 96243
I wrote a story about Mario having a cookout with a ghost. Does that count as violence?
>> No. 96250
nearly always ≠ always

Of course, my statement is that everyone's first fanfic is self insertion. It's not 100% accurate, but it's true enough.
>> No. 96257
My first story-story was about a guy escaping from his house with his son during an earthquake.
>> No. 96261
Cookout is a bonding ritual: i.e. sex. ;-D

The whole trick is to SI as a canon character. It worked for me.

Ah, but you're not exactly typical.
>> No. 96293
Everything up until my entry into the fandom filled the "Action" bill, and more than half were self-inserts, either of myself or a friend :/ .
>> No. 96314
Well, I'm not exactly in a need of review right now. And yeah I know I got carried away horribly, but thats why I used spoilers. I mean, you can just skip and dont read those?

If I got it right, the story forge is for those who either have no ideas, or very raw ones, or for ones who want to suggest idead to others. Am I not right? And, after all, my main question here is not even about the specific idea. It's more about the concept, of a not related original story and its right to exist.

Thats a useful one, thanks. Although I want to believe my story is not about the sex or violence. There will be latter just because it's realistic like that, but in no way I want to make it main thing.

>Not really pony enough to be to my taste.
And thats exactly is my concern. How many others will think that way?
>Wow. Stream of consciousness? Gutsy, but you don't yet have the skill to hold it together.
Dosn't mean I'll stop trying. The key word is "yet".

And yes, now I see that the main point of my question, which is the latest unspoilered thing in the first post, is easily lost no matter what.

Whoever reads that till there, any tips on where and how to ask it without making such a confusion? Or maybe, there already were discussed questions about a degree of relation and such?
>> No. 96316
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Actually, mine wasn't a self-insert. It was rather violent though. :P

> All I care about is sex and violence,
> Screams in a grimdark to break the silence,
> Everyone says I gotta get a grip,
> But I let my imagination give me the slip.
> Some people think I'm a crap writer,
> But I just think my mind's free,
> Ain't stop writing my shipfics,
> There's nothing crazy about me.
> Some people read for thrills,
> But I write mine for me,
> Ain't stop writing my clopfics,
> There's nothing crazy about me.
> Bonkers...
>> No. 96437
>>Not really pony enough to be to my taste.
>And thats exactly is my concern. How many others will think that way?

Well, I can't speak for the fandom as a whole (dur), but

>[pony who] thinks like a human anyway
eh, not quite. Not as I read them.

They're really big on the whole "special talent" thing. Their females tend to lead, while their military is mostly males, so we can say their gender roles are different. They're more likely to flee than fight. They don't have as much respect for predatory animals, seeing them as monsters rather than hunters. They need a high-fiber diet and can eat the paper off of a carton of ice cream if they want. They prefer small business and hoof-made things to large brands and mass production. They have electricity, but no mass media. They have less need for respect, more for leadership. They grow up faster, but don't rush to prove themselves "real adults." They have no nudity taboo. They sit on piles of straw and eat the flowers off the table in restaurants. They're, you know, ponies. Most of this is well-supported "canon," too.

Bringing that world to life is a big motivation for my writing.

I'd say the biggest flaw with your concept is not giving your one pony character a special talent.

Oh, and the most important point:
>there is no point in wasting the time and effort in that direction and I shall find something else for myself.

Do keep writing. If this is the only thing you've got, then run with it. I find that the surest way to tempt new ideas to find me is to write. There's something about consciously-motivated creativity that encourages unconscious creativity.

Don't be afraid to pursue short little ideas if they pop up. I really like my current story, even though there are three others I "should" be writing.
>> No. 96462

I guess if you're going to have a pony protagonist at least make her act like a pony? If you don't, you may as well make her a four-legged alien or sentient horse and not involve MLP at all.

My general rule for these sorts of things is that if you're not going to use some source material to the point where your story would be significantly weakened without it, don't call your work "fanfiction of [that thing]". And that's not to say you can't write about OCs or grimdark and have it be MLP, just that poni must poni poni.
>> No. 96571
There sure are differences, physical, psychological, cultural. But still, the thing is, excluding physical things, it's too easy to imagine a human on the place of my protagonist. I mean, as I see it, even canon ponies by their way of thinking and behaving, can easily be imagining like humans. That's like, the point. And the things you are mention are quite minor, in a way that you can imagine such humans, if placed in same conditions. So, for me, the only thing that makes a difference between a canon pony' mind and a average human' one... Simply, it's being nice. But, my protagonist, being an insane OC pony in a grimdark story, just can't be that nice. So, yeah, myself I can't justify her being a pony and not a human, aside from some minor things and my whim. Sure, I felt that way about some other progonists of grimdark stories, but since they were either in a mlp world, or other, but ponified world aka crossover, that wtill could count as mlp fanfic. And in the end, you didn't answer yourself, would it be a concern for you - "not pony enough"
Yeah, thats the point. As I said, I don't really know to 'make her act like a pony' in that situation. So, yeah, maybe I could use random alien. But as I said, it's a tribute of a sort.

And anyway, I gonna use quite a lot of things from mlp universe, including the world itself, too, and way more than once. There are a lot of things mentioned in the mlp universe that create adventure ideas related to them. But it's just that, I was planning for it to be just a part of many other things i'd use, with the other things being not pony related at all.

Oh, and btw, I asked quite a lot ppl lately. And yes, most of non-bronies said that they will not read a story if its about ponies, even if they would be told thats a good story and not really mlp-related.

Thats already cooled my enthusiasm off quite a lot.

And there, where I was planning to know bronies opinion on the subject, I got just one relevant answer so far, which was negative, too.

I guess, in the end, it will be just for me and few close brony friends.
>> No. 96573
^ I'm sorry for all the mistakes here, 4 am and I'm sleepy. I hope you ll still undestand what I was planning to say.
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