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No. 1657508
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One last over dramatic post to end all my bullshit...
I'm sick of feeling sorry for being sorry all the time, so this will be the last time I say it. I have several issues that need to be addressed and I want to get them solved before the new year. I feel that I've been acting immature and bringing unnecessary mood killing conversations as of late for petty problems that really don't deserve the attention. I've been selfish and apathetic in my goal to focus more on my needs so I could better myself, but now it's done the exact opposite. I've treated people like shit recently and have only been looking out for myself. I've avoided conflicts and haven't put much energy into helping those that needed it to accomplish my little 'goal' for this year. Now that the year is coming to an end, I can say it's done nothing but make me feel like a fucking ass. This is not to say I never cared about those here, I just could, and should, of done better to help people. Everyone is going through something that is serious whether it be depression or what have you. My issues are just common life issues, work, school, small amounts of stress, and I've done nothing but bitch about them for the past few months while there are others who deserved the attention and care of the loving people here. That needs to stop. I have no reasons to bitch about common things everyone goes through, it's pointless and annoying. I will stop this.
I've let some past issues come back and take control of how I act. I tend to get possessive and defensive over things due to how my personal belongings were treated in the past. This makes me look insecure and idiotic. I apologize to anyone I've treated like shit because of this. It is not my intent to be controlling, especially over other people, I just fear loss. I need to get rid of this behavior before it digs me into an anti-social grave. It won't be easy, but I know I can get over these feelings. I don't want to damage any relationship I have by acting this way, it's not right, it's not healthy, and it does nothing but push people away. So again, I apologize for this behavior.
My art had also kicked off faster than I expected. I was getting hundreds of new followers and getting connections with great and well known artists at such a fast rate. This all might of gone to my head and caused me to act arrogant. This is a huge reason why I feel a lot of people might be upset with me, despite what I'm told. It doesn't help that it's porn of cartoon horses and anthro animals, which might of made people think of me as trash in the first place. I don't want any kind of fame, no matter how small, to get in the way of old friendships. I'm no better than anyone else and should never feel like I am. I'm sorry if I let this go to my head and treat everyone as a lesser. I thought I could handle it better.
I tend to over-think things along with jump the gun on issues. Y'all might say I'm doing it again, but the point is to get it out there so I can finally stop it. I've done this too much and has probably made everyone shake their heads "guh...Stuffles, again with this shit?" I have no reason for over thinking anything. I just think of every scenario and stick the worst possible one and let it eat away at my mind. This may be because I don't confront things head on all the time and let it fester until it turns into an infection. I want to fix this, but since it happens without me noticing til it's too late it might be near impossible. It's just a negative side of being me. I'm sorry y'all have had to put up with that, I wish I could stop.
Overall, I just want to apologize for my recent actions and behavior. This is not who I want to be. I want to make people happy and show them that I care about them, not scare them away by amplifying my flaws. So I'm done with it all. I will work on all my personality flaws to at least control them better. I wont complain about pathetic life issues like school and work anymore 'cause no one cares and only brings pointless mood killing feelings. I wanted make this year the year I better myself as a person, and I've failed. Just means I need to try harder and take a different approach. I'm sorry for the inconveniences I've caused, I'm sorry for the shit I've said or done, I'm sorry for being a dumbass, I'm sorry for always being sorry. It ends now.
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